"(..) where she approached Cannibal, because he was still only in seventh grade and because she knew he’d never say no because he was so stoned on puberty.
She’s all, “You like my hair, don’t you?” Her head rolls to swing her hair like a spaghetti cape, and she goes, “This is the longest my hair’s ever been.”
The way she says this sounds dirty, because everything sounds dirty when it comes out of a sexy girl’s mouth."
"and because he’s looking at her panties so hard she says to shut his eyes. Because Cannibal only pretends not to peek he sees her kneel on the padded rail at the edge of the waterbed, and he can see why it’s called a ham wallet. After that he can’t see jack because she slings one leg over his face and squats down until the room is nothing but fish taco blotting out everything except the underwater sound of Marcia Sanders’s voice telling him what to do next. Cannibal finds himself sunk head-deep in waterbed with sloppy waterbed mattress squeezed up around his ears, hearing the lap of ocean waves. His body rocking from head to toe, hearing his heartbeat, hearing somebody’s heartbeat. Because -Marcia Sanders, out of nowhere her voice tells him, “Suck, already, you stupid dummy,” Cannibal sucks.
Because she says, “Let’s get this over with,” he sucks like giving her insides a big hickey.
(..)
Cannibal is wearing Marcia Sanders like a gas mask, sucking on her like she’s a snakebite, with her thighs so ear-muffed tight to the sides of his head he can’t hear why she’s screaming. Because on the -Playboy channel, screaming is what you strive for. Cannibal’s freaked out because a blue waffle on cable only smells like whatever your mom’s cooking upstairs. Because a ham wallet on television never fights back, Cannibal sucks the way a tornado on the Weather Channel will bust one window and turn your entire house inside out."
"because Cannibal’s strutting around, too smart for his own good but too dumb to know he’s total evil. Because now when Cannibal belches, it’s your poor choice he’s tasting. And when Cannibal farts that’s the smell of your parents’ dead grandbaby."
"Because if you believe in evolution the world is just everybody prancing down a -yellow-brick road in Technicolor singing, “Because, because, because, because, because.…” When the real truth is in the Old Testament, where the seven tribes wander around, lost, always saying, “Begat, begat, begat, begat, begat.…”
Because the upside is that maybe Cannibal will go to heaven since except for his mouth he’s still a virgin."