Boy

by Kate Shand

When 14-year-old John Peter made the tragic decision to end his life by hanging himself, he left behind a devastated family who grappled not only with coping with the overwhelming loss of a beloved son and brother, but also coming to terms with the incomprehensible choice he made that afternoon. An engaging story of unbearable sadness and grief, this searing memoir is also a journey of strength and courage. Ultimately, it is the story of a boy like any other and of a mother’s survival in the aftermath of the suicide of her child.

Genres: Memoir

224 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2013

Reviews

[zakeeya · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am at a loss for words to adequately describe the brilliance of this book. It is absolutely heartwrenching. I know the author personally and attended the funeral of Boy, but this review remains completely objective and unbiased. I can say that with honesty because life continued for everyone, including myself, as it does when somebody else's loved one dies. 'Boy' is a stark reminder that life does not simply continue for those close to the person who died. It is a process and a journey which everybody else is unaware of after the funeral. This book speaks about the journey of a mother who had lost her precious only son by his own hand. Nobody can comprehend the pain and devastation that Kate must've gone through, but she does a remarkable job in documenting her feelings and her life in the aftermath of such a tragedy. At no point does the book read as an exercise in self-pity, as most memoirs following loss do, but instead gives the reader insight into the raw pain, the many unanswered questions, and the courageous road Kate has travelled. As sad as the story is, it is devastatingly beautiful in its prose. It is definitely one of the best and most insightful books I have ever read. Coincidentally, Boy would be turning 21 in 3 days time. I can't begin to imagine what that might mean to Kate, and I hope with all my heart that she has found peace in trying to understand this loss. Brilliant read. Highly recommended.

[Paula Gruben · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first saw 'Boy' at CNA in Westville Mall a year ago, whilst visiting my folks on holiday. Out of all the titles on the shelf, this was the one that really jumped out at me. I loved the cover, the back blurb, and the inclusion of a photo section. But I found the prospect of buying and actually reading it too terrifying. The mere thought of potentially losing my own precious (then-two-year-old) son to suicide one day filled me with a feeling of such dread, I just knew I couldn't go there. That said, I did realise how inspiring a story like this could be to people who have had a similar path to follow, and I have had no problem talking about it in real-life conversations and via social media since.

Then this Sunday afternoon, at CNA in Irene Village Mall, I stumbled across the last copy of 'Boy', and it was on sale. The timing and circumstances felt right, and I decided I was finally brave enough to read this harrowing tale. I ended up devouring it over just two nights, and cannot recommend it highly enough. Not just for family and friends who have already lost a loved one to suicide, but to ALL senior primary and high schools, and parents of kids nearing or entering their teens. It serves as both a self-help guide for those working through the grieving process, as well as a powerful cautionary tale. Written in the most beautiful, intimate, accessible style, with excerpts from letters, and a colour photograph section, this is one of those special books you'll want to keep in your library, dipping into for practical advice and spiritual sustenance in future times of crisis.

[Leila Summers · Rating 5 out of 5]

"When a child dies so young, it is not so much the past that is buried but the future." - Kate Shand

Not only is this book incredibly moving and well written, but it is possibly one of the best books that I have read on the subject of grief. Kate Shand generously invites the reader into her life, her home, her family, her deepest thoughts and fears, and into her very heart of hearts. This is a brave tale, fresh and raw, a story that stays with you on so many levels. I borrowed this book from a friend, but I have to get my own copy so that I can lend it to everyone I know. It is a must read!

[Erin Brooks · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book extremely one-dimensional. What about what the daughters and the now ex-husband went through? Suicide is a family tragedy and I got no sense of anyone else. If I suffered a similar loss, this book would hold no keys, no answers, no hope. Perhaps the author is not there yet, publishing a scant year and a bit after Boy died. I hope Kate finds peace in the future.

[Marcia Abboud · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a brilliant memoir! I loved it, even though it was so heartbreaking, it was also beautiful. Kate writes with rawness and takes you inside a mother's anguish, to feel the despair and sadness of her loss. It is visually alive too, giving the reader snapshots of South African, a place I long to visit. A brave and courageous piece of writing, from a strong and inspiring woman.

[Joan Campbell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a difficult read, but it gripped me from the first page. Written by a South African mother, it tells about her 14 year old son' suicide and her subsequent search for answers as to what brought him to the point of taking his own life. Raw with pain and searingly honest, Shand draws you right into her grieving heart, leaving you with the sense that you have trodden on holy ground. Counsellors told her that her son may have been on the Autism Spectrum and, since I have a child with Asperger's, this book affected me at quite a deep and personal level.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

A heartbreaking journey as a mother shares the life of her son Boy.
I couldn't put the book down and the tears kept falling.
A difficult and emotional topic to read about that becomes an eye opener to the thoughts and feelings of people around us.

[Ruth Ancer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Utterly compelling, beautifully written, devastatingly honest and unputdownable. Kate Shand shares her unimaginable pain and grief at the loss of her 14 year old son, in the most engaging way. A profoundly important book which has touched me deeply.

[Ilze Roux · Rating 4 out of 5]

What can be worse than losing a fourteen year old son through suicide? A heartbreaking story of the journey this mother had to take to get to a point of just being able to survive such a loss.

[Stefan · Rating 3 out of 5]

It gave me some insight, but I think the author has received much more out of writing the book