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Because I Said So: Why society is childist and how breaking the cycle of discrimination towards children can change the world
'A vital read, not just for parents but anyone who values the next generation' Psychologies
'A provocative new book which challenges every aspect of modern parenting' Daily Mail
Society is making great strides in increasing awareness of oppression and injustice, but one group remains children.
Commonly recommended parenting and discipline methods treat children in ways that would cause uproar if adults were treated similarly. Children's needs and feelings are frequently dismissed and ignored by adults. Children are taught to blindly obey adults in the name of 'respect', although respect is so rarely shown to them.
We are a society that is afraid of treating children kindly, as evidenced by the almost constant uproar and ridicule of the 'gentle parenting' movement.
In this timely book, bestselling author and parenting expert Sarah Ockwell-Smith blends childcare history, sociology, psychology and current affairs to raise awareness of childism - the unconscious discrimination of children in our world - and why it impacts everybody.
Essential for parents, carers, teachers and anybody who works with children, Because I Said So! is both a thought-provoking guide and an urgent call to action. It will help you to understand your own upbringing and how this has shaped your beliefs and behaviour; prompt you to consider the prevalence of childism in society today, so that you can change the way you look after the children in your care or reinforce the approach you are already taking; and consider how we can transform the way our society treats children to create positive, lasting change for generations to come.
Childism is an issue that has been ignored and avoided for far too long. If we want to change the world for the better, we must start with treating our children better.
'A provocative new book which challenges every aspect of modern parenting' Daily Mail
Society is making great strides in increasing awareness of oppression and injustice, but one group remains children.
Commonly recommended parenting and discipline methods treat children in ways that would cause uproar if adults were treated similarly. Children's needs and feelings are frequently dismissed and ignored by adults. Children are taught to blindly obey adults in the name of 'respect', although respect is so rarely shown to them.
We are a society that is afraid of treating children kindly, as evidenced by the almost constant uproar and ridicule of the 'gentle parenting' movement.
In this timely book, bestselling author and parenting expert Sarah Ockwell-Smith blends childcare history, sociology, psychology and current affairs to raise awareness of childism - the unconscious discrimination of children in our world - and why it impacts everybody.
Essential for parents, carers, teachers and anybody who works with children, Because I Said So! is both a thought-provoking guide and an urgent call to action. It will help you to understand your own upbringing and how this has shaped your beliefs and behaviour; prompt you to consider the prevalence of childism in society today, so that you can change the way you look after the children in your care or reinforce the approach you are already taking; and consider how we can transform the way our society treats children to create positive, lasting change for generations to come.
Childism is an issue that has been ignored and avoided for far too long. If we want to change the world for the better, we must start with treating our children better.
240 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 14, 2023
37 people are currently reading
216 people want to read
About the author
Sarah Ockwell-Smith
84 books228 followersBorn in Bedfordshire, England in 1976, Sarah Ockwell-Smith is a mother of four school aged children, three boys and one girl.
After graduating with an honors degree in Psychology, specialising in child development, she embarked on a five year career in Pharmaceutical Research and Development, working with clinical trial data, until she became pregnant with her first child in 2001. After the birth of her firstborn Sarah retrained as an Antenatal Teacher, hypnotherapist/Psychotherapist, Infant Massage Instructor and Birth and Postnatal Doula. Over the years Sarah has updated her knowledge with various study days and courses including paediatric first aid, paediatric safeguarding, perinatal psychology and birth trauma.
Sarah now works as a parenting author, writer and coach. With a particular interest in child sleep.
After graduating with an honors degree in Psychology, specialising in child development, she embarked on a five year career in Pharmaceutical Research and Development, working with clinical trial data, until she became pregnant with her first child in 2001. After the birth of her firstborn Sarah retrained as an Antenatal Teacher, hypnotherapist/Psychotherapist, Infant Massage Instructor and Birth and Postnatal Doula. Over the years Sarah has updated her knowledge with various study days and courses including paediatric first aid, paediatric safeguarding, perinatal psychology and birth trauma.
Sarah now works as a parenting author, writer and coach. With a particular interest in child sleep.
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
November 1, 2023
Well worth reading (or listening to - thank you Spotify!). Aligns with my views on parenting - that children are small people and you should treat them how you should treat people, which is probably why I like it. I've recommended to several of my mom and teacher friends.
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November 20, 2025I liked the idea of this book, but as with so many philosophical parenting books, it's imagining a world that doesn't exist for me at this moment. I can ask who's benefiting from a certain parenting model and appreciate centering children in their own lives. I also have to ask why these models focus on well-resourced parents as opposed to parents with jobs, with disabled children, who are queer or disabled themselves, etc.
October 12, 2023
I found this to be such a brilliant book. I’m familiar with Sarah’s work but this goes one step beyond, touching on the macro factors that contribute towards childism such as neo-liberalism, the patriarchy and historical parenting ‘experts’ - who’s behaviourist philosophies mainstream parenting and schools unfortunately still follows.
My mind is blown that some menstruating girls have to show a red card in class to excuse themselves to go to the loo. And there are such things as isolation booths which kids can spend hours in at school, WTAF?!! And the resources and public spending for familiy support services and SEND is so low. The stats around school exclusions and criminal records in young people were shocking too. Why can’t our politicians see what is happening here - oh because that’s not helpful to their agenda!
The author has had so much public backlash as a result of this book - I think because so many people are damaged as a result of the books subject (which is a bit ironic). I guess it takes a lot of inner work and therapy to see that our own childhoods weren’t as rosy as some of us would like to think, and that we maybe raised our kids in ways that could have been better. The truth hurts I guess.
I’m so glad I read this book, I wasn’t sure I’d get much from it having followed Sarah online for ages and read a few of her other books but I’m so glad I did, I’ve bought a copy for my child’s school and already recommended it to a few parent friends. Don’t think twice just give it a read.
My mind is blown that some menstruating girls have to show a red card in class to excuse themselves to go to the loo. And there are such things as isolation booths which kids can spend hours in at school, WTAF?!! And the resources and public spending for familiy support services and SEND is so low. The stats around school exclusions and criminal records in young people were shocking too. Why can’t our politicians see what is happening here - oh because that’s not helpful to their agenda!
The author has had so much public backlash as a result of this book - I think because so many people are damaged as a result of the books subject (which is a bit ironic). I guess it takes a lot of inner work and therapy to see that our own childhoods weren’t as rosy as some of us would like to think, and that we maybe raised our kids in ways that could have been better. The truth hurts I guess.
I’m so glad I read this book, I wasn’t sure I’d get much from it having followed Sarah online for ages and read a few of her other books but I’m so glad I did, I’ve bought a copy for my child’s school and already recommended it to a few parent friends. Don’t think twice just give it a read.
May 28, 2025
This book is perfect for an audience of people who aren't already steeped in politics/activism, so at times it felt very basic for me, but overall I really enjoyed this. It reaffirmed a lot of my parenting choices so far (refusing to sleep train, despite being 10 months into life with a baby who really struggles to sleep for long stretches) and that's mainly why I read it (well, listened to it). I would recommend it to any parent who feels alienated by a lot of mainstream parenting advice, and just feels like it's intrinsically not right. I also really enjoyed the section about children's privacy, and I liked the parallels made between different types of vulnerable humans. You wouldn't post a picture online of your gran having done something daft, so why would you post that of your baby?
As often is the case with books like this, I wish it contained more of a critique of capitalism and how capitalism is the root cause of a lot of childist beliefs! It does talk about neoliberalism and the links there but I wanted the author to go further, you could go so much deeper.
As often is the case with books like this, I wish it contained more of a critique of capitalism and how capitalism is the root cause of a lot of childist beliefs! It does talk about neoliberalism and the links there but I wanted the author to go further, you could go so much deeper.
November 2, 2023
“Because I Said So” is an outstanding book that delves into the critical issues of childism and discrimination against children. The author’s writing is not only impeccable but also deeply rooted in scientific references and strong literature. This book has been a revelation, shedding light on my own childhood traumas and the treatment I received. All the author’s books that I avidly read have strengthened my commitment to this journey and deepened my understanding of the importance of nurturing a more equitable and compassionate society for our children. The author’s insights in this book have fueled my determination to contribute to a more inclusive and antichildist society that I hope my children will enjoy as adults. A truly enlightening read that has the power to spark positive change.
February 4, 2024
A commendable and accessible effort from the persistent, resilient parenting expert and child activist, Sarah Ockwell-Smith. I've read several of her books and read and listened to much more from her over the years, and indeed this is a culminating piece explaining how we got to where we are, what needs change, and how to move forward. It has strengthened my resolve, especially in a society and a family that largely pooh-poohs the notions of discriminatory isms and their generational trauma. This is a quick read that is simultaneously easily digestible and leaves much to continue chewing on as you go forth feeling a part of a natural, rational, child-centered underdog movement. Brava!
September 22, 2023
I agree with the principles set out in this book, and have used the author’s techniques on my children with great success. She knows what she’s talking about and writes in an easy to read and understand way. I’m just not sure there’s an entire book in this which is why I don’t feel it’s a 5 star read. If you aren’t as familiar with the other books and online content it might be more interesting and open your eyes to the way children are discriminated against.
November 13, 2023
Amazing book, really shows you just how much our society is set up against children. It certainly opened my eyes and made me more aware of just how much work we still have to do to make our world a fair, safe place for everyone. Also made me realise that what I faced during my childhood was not okay.
Would recommend to everyone, regardless of if you have children yourself or not!
Would recommend to everyone, regardless of if you have children yourself or not!
December 17, 2024
Excellent parenting guidance, really turns your head on parenting. I love it.
We should all be treating children like human beings to make them better adults. I especially love the guidance about looking at your own childhood trauma, and how it wasn't right the way we were treated as children, so we shouldn't do it to our own children, it makes sense!
We should all be treating children like human beings to make them better adults. I especially love the guidance about looking at your own childhood trauma, and how it wasn't right the way we were treated as children, so we shouldn't do it to our own children, it makes sense!
September 17, 2023
A brilliant, essential read for all parents, teachers, care-givers (and any member of society who wants a more humanity focussed approach to raising children than we currently have). I especially enjoyed learning the historical and political context of issues today.
February 25, 2024
An absolutely fantastic piece on childism in society both today and in the past. Moving, provoking, a must read for any parent (or anyone who has ever been a child). Taking away so much from this to go forward in my parenting journey. Thank you Sarah Ockwell-Smith.
November 30, 2023
Highly recommend this to anyone who is a parent or works with children in any way!
January 19, 2024
Anyone who has children or works with kids should read this, but be ready for some uncomfortable truths and have a mindset of humility and progression.
July 7, 2024
I would recommend this book to EVERYONE.
July 21, 2024
Este não é um livro para pais, é um livro para todos os adultos. É este tipo de livros que é capaz de mudar o Mundo.
October 10, 2024
Life changing.
This resonates more than almost anything.
I feel so passionate about this cause and even more so now.
This is a vital read for everyone who has been born.
This resonates more than almost anything.
I feel so passionate about this cause and even more so now.
This is a vital read for everyone who has been born.
January 25, 2025
I liked the book but, oftentimes, it read more like self-help rather than in-depth critical analysis.
I think this book is more helpful for readers dipping their toe or just beginning to engage with childism, but not for those who are already entrenched in anti-childist beliefs/philosophy.
I think this book is more helpful for readers dipping their toe or just beginning to engage with childism, but not for those who are already entrenched in anti-childist beliefs/philosophy.
October 23, 2023
The book my inner child has been dying to read!
I loved this book from beginning to end. Everything the author describes regarding childism gave my inner child a voice for the unfairness I felt as a child.
A great book with an important message. Everyone who has ever been a child should read this book.
I loved this book from beginning to end. Everything the author describes regarding childism gave my inner child a voice for the unfairness I felt as a child.
A great book with an important message. Everyone who has ever been a child should read this book.
December 22, 2025
I knew this was a 5 star read halfway through the 1st chapter.
Everyone who's ever been a child needs to read this. Yes, that's everyone, that's the point!
It might make you angry, it should. If you're a parent, it's going to probably make you feel called out or shamed, but it's not the intention. It's just trying to help you to do better.
Stick with it. It's worth carrying on through the hurt.
I didn't love the saying that it's as bad as ableism / racism and every other ism and ist. Because people don't age out of their race, most often disability is for life after you've got it. Childism sucks, but you won't be a child forever. And everyone is a child at some point, not everyone is a racial minority, or disabled, or LGBTQ. I think fighting childism is important but I think saying it's the same as other minorities is wrong, ethically, morally and factually. There are differences, it doesn't have to be the same to be worthy. As you can probably tell that part hit a nerve but apart from that I thought it was awesome.
Everyone who's ever been a child needs to read this. Yes, that's everyone, that's the point!
It might make you angry, it should. If you're a parent, it's going to probably make you feel called out or shamed, but it's not the intention. It's just trying to help you to do better.
Stick with it. It's worth carrying on through the hurt.
I didn't love the saying that it's as bad as ableism / racism and every other ism and ist. Because people don't age out of their race, most often disability is for life after you've got it. Childism sucks, but you won't be a child forever. And everyone is a child at some point, not everyone is a racial minority, or disabled, or LGBTQ. I think fighting childism is important but I think saying it's the same as other minorities is wrong, ethically, morally and factually. There are differences, it doesn't have to be the same to be worthy. As you can probably tell that part hit a nerve but apart from that I thought it was awesome.
May 18, 2025
The creator of the term Gentle Parenting covers societal ageism towards children. Loved the overview of the issues, however I felt the solutions were a bit generic.
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews