City of One

by Francine Cournos

When Cournos was three, her father died suddenly, leaving her pregnant mother with three children to support. In this riveting, sharply etched study of a child in distress, the author, who is now in her late forties and a professor of clinical psychiatry, recalls how a childhood marked by family tragedy led to years of depression and the feeling that adults could not be trusted. After her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, Cournos struggled to make herself into an adult by taking care of her younger sister and doing the housework, in hope that being good would save her mother's life. Upon her mother's death when Cournos was 11, the author and her sister went into foster care because her uncles and aunts refused to take them in. Cournos's prose captures her sense of abandonment and her ensuing emotional withdrawal. Despite many failed relationships with men, sexual passion allowed her to begin to feel again. A desire to understand her mother's death led Cournos to study medicine, during which time she began psychoanalysis, which provided her with the self-awareness she needed. Having overcome several setbacks, including a major depression, before becoming a happily married mother, Cournos is perceptive and convincing about the mark these experiences left on her. Agent, Richard Balkin.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Psychology

Paperback

First published May 1, 1999

Reviews

[Leigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loss

I was that child who lost her parents at a young age, went to abusive relatives, went through 9 foster homes in 2 years. Though intellectually I get why I feel irrelevant, afraid of more loss, and disconnected from those around me, this book helped me connect a bit to it all. I am 60. Healing is a long and ardous journey.

[Allison Dunlap · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fascinating study of a woman who suffered the loss of both parents as a pre-adolescent, was placed in foster care but with help from social programs, went to college, and became a psychiatrist. Using her own life and her continuing psychotherapy as the foundation of the book, her story was better than fiction. I enjoyed seeing her struggles turn into eventual progress and success.

[Valleri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Francine Cournos did not have the ideal childhood: her father, her grandfather, and her mother died before the she reached age eleven only to have her extended family further abandon her by placing her and her siblings into foster care for the duration of their youth. Despite the scars from these separations, Francine found the courage to press on, to earn high grades, to become an attentive psychiatrist in order to help others who may not have been able to help themselves (as she almost was one of them). I would recommend this book for anyone who is studying attachment theory or anyone who works closely with children.

[Cassie Caez · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a great book but I expected a better ending !!! I

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a sad story of a child losing all of the adults in her life by early adolescence (first her parents each die, then her mother's family abandons her and her sister to foster care). There is a lot of good advice on how (and how not to) approach a child's grief upon losing a parent. The author, now a psychiatrist, is very insightful on the extra challenges a teenager faces in entering foster care -- forced into new attachments at the very stage where a teen typically begins to separate. The book is well organized; the author thematically combines her childhood experiences with her medical and psychiatric patient stories, underlining how long she dealt with various issues (fear of death, feelings of worthlessness, guilt at her success, mistrust of men, etc).

[Debbie Keen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Another memoir that needed a ghostwriter to make the narrative flow better. This woman became a doctor, a psychiatrist, and examined her childhood traumas. Her dad left (died?) when she was young then her mother was sick for years before dying when she was 13. They had already sent her brother away so she and her younger sister first went to live with an aunt and then were turned over to a Jewish foster care agency. She would mention patients she saw to illustrate how she was processing her detachment from people. It was ultimately fatalistic about how traumatized children can ever live a free, full life.

[M · Rating 4 out of 5]

She was orphaned by 11 and given to a foster family a few years later, despite having aunts and uncles who chose not to take her in. She was one of the "lucky" foster kids, in that her new family was loving and stable, she excelled at school and became a doctor and then an analyst. Her journey from bereft orphan to beloved wife/mother/colleague is inspiring and educational. She seeks to explain the special pain and feelings kids feel when they lose parent(s) to death during their childhoods. A must read for any foster parents.

[Nina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Francine Cournos gives us a memoir of the lasting impact of losing parents at a young age. Unsparing, she details how, after her mother’s death from metastatic breast cancer, her aunts and uncles were unable to care for Cournos and her sister, so they placed her in foster care. This memoir is all the more powerful because Cournos is a renowned psychiatrist, and she is able to add information from research and prevalent psychotherapy beliefs.

[Bonnie Swider · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had to read this book for one of my classes. Great book about a woman's memoirs of her childhood and dealing with the death of both her parents. Powerful book on how our childhood experiences if not handled properly will follow us into our adulthood.

[Seren Becker · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 one of the best memoirs I’ve read. would recommend to anyone who has lost a parent in childhood.

[Claudia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very touching and poignant.

[Carrie]

books I've read,memoir

[Syl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this book for second time. Very good book. On the loss of parent and its effect on a child. Highly recommmend it to parents, grandparents, or anyone who has close relationship to a child.

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

City of One is a powerful memoir of a girl who has conquered her fears and become successful.It is a beautiful story of resilience that helped me through my own struggle of depression.