Raising Mentally Strong Kids: How to Combine the Power of Neuroscience with Love and Logic to Grow Confident, Kind, Responsible, and Resilient Children and Young Adults

by Daniel G. Amen, Jim Fay (Foreword), Charles Fay

Parenting is about to get easier--and a whole lot more effective….

In a time when so many children and young adults seem to be struggling, parents are looking for help in bringing up mentally healthy kids who are equipped to thrive. Finally, evidence-based help is now available for overwhelmed parents who are trying their best but feel like they’re falling short.

#1 New York Times bestselling author and neuropsychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen and child psychologist Dr. Charles Fay have teamed up to reveal what’s missing from most parenting books. It’s the fact that you need to address both the brain and the mind of your child (and yourself) in order to effectively raise good and strong humans.

In this groundbreaking book where neuroscience meets love and logic, parents are given practical tools to help children of all ages go from behavioral problems like defiance, meltdowns, and power struggles to Let Dr. Amen and Dr. Fay help you learn how to be the parent you've always dreamed you could be―and raise great kids who are on their way to reaching their full potential, including their best possible mental health.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Audiobook, Self Help, Childrens, Family

368 pages, Hardcover

Published March 26, 2024

About the author

The Washington Post called Dr. Daniel Amen the most popular psychiatrist in America and Sharecare.com named him the web's most influential expert and advocate on mental health.
Daniel Amen is a life-long Christian and graduate of Oral Roberts University School of Medicine. He is a double board-certified psychiatrist and multiple NY Times bestselling author, with such blockbuster books as Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, Healing ADD, Change Your Brain, Change Your Body, and The Daniel Plan, co-authored by Pastor Rick Warren and Dr. Mark Hyman. In November 2016, he and his wife Tana published The Brain Warrior's Way.
Dr. Amen is the founder of Amen Clinics, which has 6 locations across the United States. Amen Clinics has the world's largest database of brain scans related to behavior, totaling more than 125,000 SPECT scans on patients from 111 countries.
Dr. Amen's research team has published more than 70 scientific articles on a wide variety of topics related to brain health. He is the lead researcher on the largest brain imaging study on active and retired NFL players and was a consultant on the movie Concussion starring Will Smith. In 2016, Discover Magazine named his brain imaging work for psychiatric diagnoses as one of the top 100 stories in all of science.
Dr. Amen has also hosted 11 national public television shows about the brain, which have aired more than 80,000 times across North America and raised more than 75 million dollars for stations.

You can connect with Dr. Amen on Facebook and Twitter

Reviews

[Suz · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5☆

This was an interesting look into resilience and our kids. Brain health was a major factor in the doctor’s advice, in a way I’d not contemplated before. Making friends with the brain, avoiding physical sports such as football and soccer. This is all backed up with evidence – scans seen in young children are affected by physical trauma. This does not bode well with mental health and wellbeing. Scans taken from patients all over the world show the importance of brain health, the correct foods and vitamins.

Other than these issues, I did take away some good ideas such as not interfering too soon with coaches and teachers etc, letting the child ‘be’ until it’s evident we need to step in. I have a current bullying/socialisation situation (the first time EVER, and I have 4 children.. unsettling to say the least). Letting our offspring make mistakes, the icky traps of helicopter parenting to the opposite end, uncaring and ineffective parenting.

Accountability from early ages and allowing things play out, holding back on doing things for them which will lead to awful and inevitable struggle and entitlement. The importance of boundaries was discussed, with many references to other reading. The importance of kindness and being firm.

A lot was a little dated, or perhaps just worded in a way that would not be natural for me, a little old school. ‘Isn’t that sad that such and such’ felt cliché, it wouldn’t sound like me at all. It was a touch religious, advising on sex before marriage and preachy talk doesn’t align with my family, or maybe we are not so controlling. It’s all relative, isn’t it? We can only do our best.

[Matthew Bruemmer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Raising Mentally Strong Kids is a book on pretty much the whole parenting experience with little details and little insight. While I did learn some interesting techniques from this book, such as problem solving development and some of their ideas on discipline, I believe that there are better and more comprehensive books on parenting that say the same thing. Most of the examples in here, when not about their own parenting, fail to communicate what the authors are trying to convey because they are frequently too black and white and read like a bad acting script. It is hard to connect with too many points the authors make because they jump around topic to topic so quickly, even ending the book with 150 point summary on how to raise mentally strong kids. The content is sound and aligns to my beliefs as a parent, but I just can't get past the disjointed effort to really grasp where the experitise of these extremely qualified and experienced authors point to a unique and conclusive look at raising kids who can be mentally strong and capable adults.

[❋ Booked Out Today ❋ · Rating 2 out of 5]

Didn't enjoy reading this and didn't find much of the advice or tips helpful.

Views were dated and some times made me question is sending a child to bed with no dinner borderline neglectful.

I love the idea behind the book and appreciate the research used to back up some of the points. overall the approach was inflexible and realistic towards how children actually respond to situations.

[Whitney Chen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book deserves all the stars. It has such great practical applications for even non-parents. I have learned many things to apply to my no longer a child self and for future generations. Gold stars all around. Excellent read.

[Anniette · Rating 2 out of 5]

While this book has some treasures and good general best practices for parents, it felt quite out of touch. The authors did not at all acknowledge the systemic barriers impacting so many parents and families, especially those from marginalized backgrounds. It was hard to get through this when the big elephant in the room wasn’t even mentioned. I kept waiting for them to acknowledge the structural factors that limit accessibility to many of the recommendations mentioned (mental health industrial complex in action). Through the book, it also felt like an ad for the authors and the private practice. As a mental health professional working with parents from very diverse backgrounds, I will not be recommending this book to them.

[Kimberly LaFreniere · Rating 1 out of 5]

Using neuroscience in the title is misleading. Very little in this book chose to cite any neuroscience related evidence. In later chapters, the author uses the Bible as a source. This book enspouses abstinence only sex education and constant location monitoring of older teens - among other problematic parenting behaviors. What good advice does exist in this book is paired with absolutely cringe worthy scripted "real world examples". Every example gives "and then they all clapped" energy. What this parenting book manages to do well, other parenting books do better.

[Brooke · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the best parenting books I’ve read. I struggle with really narrow focus/single minded approaches and this sometimes leans a little heavy into “brain is king”, and some of the scripts/conversations feel very inauthentic. But that being said, this overall has excellent responses & strategies for emotional & mental growth of your kids.
Biggest takeaways
-Teach kids consequences & accountability while they are young and the mistakes are small. Particularly in helping them gain autonomy and control over their lives & responsibilities. With consequences that are fitting but not emotionally charged. Still offering lots of empathy and love while retaining boundaries & consequences.
-Listening without offering judgment with decision making (especially with teens). As much as you can turn the question back to them. Tell them you have ideas if they’d like to hear them but don’t force your own opinions or try to change theirs.
-“Energy drain” consequences when you have a hard time thinking of a way to enforce rules or discipline. Like if kids are fighting in the car “it really drains my energy to listen to you fighting. We’ll figure out some jobs you can help with to replace some of that energy when we get home.” Or “I no longer have the energy to drive you to the park this afternoon.”
-Be able to frame every boundary & rule as an “I will” not just “you will.” You can’t control your child’s behavior but you can control what happens as a result of their behavior. As an example, saying “we don’t throw toys” can also be reframed as “I will take away any toys that are thrown”
-Overall kids’ mental health thrives in an environment that is loving AND firm. Lots of messages in holding boundaries started as “I love you too much to…” (argue with you, keep you from learning this important lesson, etc.)

[Cara · Rating 5 out of 5]

10/10! I’m sure I’ll end up reading this another time or even 2 while raising kids, especially since many of the chapters were geared toward ages older than mine right now. However, it was still extremely helpful to my current life as a parent, too.

[Marien Dille · Rating 4 out of 5]

meant to update with a review and forgot! I thought this book was really good. tbh it humbled me bc it helped me see areas that I needed to strengthen my OWN resilience and mental strength. my main takeaway is that letting my kid(s) make mistakes and deal with consequences when those consequences are relatively small is crucial so that they learn to make the right (but often uncomfortable) choices when the stakes are higher. definitely felt empowered to embrace the discomfort of allowing them to struggle! I did find a lot of the examples pretty cheesy, which is why I knocked off a star. but ultimately, I learned a lot and will return to this as my son gets older and more of the principles apply to him.

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I disagree with some of the comments written about how this book has no insight.
I personally learned a lot from this book. Having 4 kids, I know a lot of the tips in this book to be true. This is a book I would buy and gift to my children when they have children.

The drs in this book offer insight from personal experience with their own children, but also give examples of some people they have worked with. They run through toddler stages to young adult and offer tips on the most effective ways to parent your children in a way where they will have good relationships with you, themselves and others. I really enjoyed this book.

[Ashley Trujillo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, I thought this was helpful and there was a lot of really good information. However, I feel like some of the Christian/Bible viewpoints could have been left out, I don’t feel like it added much. A book like this can just be secular…as parents come from all walks of life. I didn’t give it 5 stars because didn’t feel like it blew me away. It was a lot of stuff I already knew and agree with for the most part. Still a good reminder though.

[Emily Brown · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think there is interesting information and some good reminders around setting family goals in this book. I got a few good take-aways and had the opportunity to reflect. However, a lot of the strategies, particularly around responding to challenging behavior & food, don’t quite align with my parenting style.

[Iulia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Una dintre cele mai bune carti de parenting.

[Melissa Oleksyn-Fuller · Rating 4 out of 5]

Protect the brain at all costs, use a love and logic approach, eat good food, and using an empathy approach are my big takeaways!

[Kayla Buchanan-Craig · Rating 2 out of 5]

we will call this. 2.75 stars ⭐️ ⭐️💫

I liked the clinical approach to this in the beginning it made my human development loving brain happy but It felt a little over simplified in that the author just assumed their way would work in all cases which felt a little unrealistic.

I didn’t like that it felt religious which was completely unnecessary in this text, I didn’t agree with he views on teaching children the dangers of sex before marriage this felt very extreme to me and his views on diet and food seemed very problematic in creating disordered eating later in life.

[Emily Lyons · Rating 4 out of 5]

locked in and read in one sitting on the floor at barnes and noble. One lovely lady staff member asked if I knew there were chairs and brought me a cup of water. Epic day.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has some great advice and tips and in general, it’s a good segway into conscious parenting… but.

This is not a book I would recommend to people in general because it’s too much information with little nuance. The writer is providing information in his capacity as an expert on the subject, but the information given is an overload and if you have any kind of anxiety or ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) at all, it will teach you to see problems and possible mental disorders around every developmentally appropriate, annoying behavior. It’s also very privileged (“go to the best doctor even if it’s not covered by insurance or very expensive because this is something that is worth it to your child’s wellbeing” paraphrasing mine). I 💯 understand what he is saying - not all docs are a good fit for every case, but not every parent has the luxury of affording the best docs for their child’s case (and unfortunately, if they did this after reading this book, the very best doc may tell them “congratulations, there’s nothing wrong with your child, now here’s the very expensive bill; will you be paying check or card?”).

Some of his supplement advice also was incredibly prescriptive on some age brackets and incredibly vague on others. “Give your 6-12 yr old child 300mg this supplement daily; give less for younger children.” He had several nonnegotiable supplements for optimal brain health and I don’t necessarily doubt him, I do think the blanket prescriptive language is concerning considering he hasn’t personally seen and treated every child who’s parents will read his words and take his advice to heart.

Some of the parenting scripts he provides throughout also feel… tired at best, manipulative at worse.

If you read this book as a parent, there ARE good things here… but if you have anxiety, depression or any kind of mental health challenges yourself, I’d suggest you read it with a therapist to help you in real time deal with the anxiety this book will probably excite.

[Ali Singer · Rating 1 out of 5]

Boy was this book frustrating and out of touch! Written by a man, the book reads like a checklist of idealized parenting behaviors that completely ignores the reality many parents, especially working mothers, live in every day. The author offers a laundry list of expectations: eat healthy, get personal time, never yell, never feel stressed, make sure your kids are constantly socializing, get eight hours of sleep, work out regularly, drink plenty of water. Individually, these are fine goals. Taken together, they feel absurdly unrealistic.

As a working mother already trying to do it all, I was instantly annoyed by the tone and framing. The book repeatedly suggests that good parenting is simply a matter of discipline and choice. Follow these 25 simple steps, stay calm at all times, and never mess up, and you too can raise mentally strong kids. That message feels judgmental, oversimplified, and completely disconnected from the mental, emotional, and logistical load that many parents carry, let alone parents of neurodivergent kids.

There is little acknowledgment of exhaustion, competing priorities, limited support, or the fact that parenting is messy and imperfect by nature. Instead of offering compassion or practical flexibility, the book comes across as prescriptive and guilt-inducing. If you are already stretched thin, this is not an encouraging or empowering read. It is a reminder of all the ways you are supposedly falling short.

The only takeaway I will actually use is the language around keeping our heads safe and emphasizing head safety, which is practical and age appropriate. Unfortunately, that small nugget is not enough to redeem a book that left me feeling judged rather than supported. I had big feelings about this one, and none of them were good.

[Knjiga i Kavica · Rating 4 out of 5]

RECENZIJA
Kako odgojiti mentalno snažno dijete - Daniel G. Amen i Charles Fay
4⭐️
Hm. Korisno i jednostavno rastumačeno, ali ipak imam osjećaj da su neka poglavlja bolja od drugih. Kako odgajati dijete? Kako postaviti granice? Kako razgovarati? Kako rjesavati sukobe?

[Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good info, but I wish it went just a little more in depth. I'd love to see a book like this written specifically for kids on the autism spectrum.

[Reilly Rockwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an expecting parent, I found this book to be empowering and insightful. I love the approach of parenting with love and logic, modeling healthy behaviors and setting firm boundaries. I love the emphasis on allowing children to make as many mistakes as they can when the stakes are low so that they gain confidence from solving their own problems.

[Adam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Can’t say enough good things about this book. The best book I’ve read so far this year and I wouldn’t be surprised if it continued to be through the year. Its main downside is it has so much to cover it could use a little more detail and depth. But I feel like all the advice and council is so helpful. I need to reread and summarize and practice lots and lots.

[Emily Burich · Rating 4 out of 5]

probably my favorite parenting book I've read!!

[Carole · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gostei muito de ler este livro! Gosto muito do autor e da visão dele sobre a educação que se baseia em ser firme mas com amor/ compreensão/ observação. Tem muitos exemplos práticos de dificuldades que podem surgir na educação de crianças em várias idades e com possíveis soluções. Ajuda-nos a compreender o que poderá estar a acontecer com a criança e assim a ser mais empáticos.
Recomendo!

[Sherrie · Rating 2 out of 5]

***Audiobook***

Parenting books are typically a mixed bag and part of reading them is sorting through the various ideas to focus on what matches your experience and what makes sense for your family. I always go into a parenting book with that expectation and recommend you do, too.

I gave this one two stars not because the ideas are bad, I found some value in here. Namely, the reminder to always speak with empathy first. Also, that you can still be kind when setting and holding a boundary with your kids. Where the book fell flat for me was in the examples that the authors used. Like many parenting books, they offered example conversations and dialogue to help you hear what these ideas might sound like in real life. Unfortunately, the examples were SO bad that I just couldn't take them seriously. The conversations were ham fisted and unrealistic. It pulled me out of the book.

There's also a chapter on the relationship between the parents. They talk about a very good point that tension between the parents is often more harmful to the kids than whatever is causing the tension. So, if it's over different parenting styles...chances are it's the tension causing problems and not actually the different styles. I really appreciated that point, but I HATED the examples the book gave. While saying that tension between parents is typically a result of both people, the examples each showed one person completely capitulating their views to the other who will "probably" show more empathy now that the tension is removed. Of course, in a heterosexual couple you can imagine which one was shown capitulating. That bothered me because it was not in line with what was being described.

Oh, and the book finished with a literal list of 100+ things parents should be doing and 20 items they should stop doing and it was such a tedious downer of a way to finish that it left me feeling overwhelmed and like a failure as a parent.

Overall, I didn't find anything in this book that can't be found elsewhere. There are parenting books out there that do a much better job of communicating similar ideas and demonstrating how they may work in your home. This one is a skip.

[Joeli · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️. I had a lot of takeaways from this book and learned some helpful tips and strategies. Most of the content I subscribe to, but the writing itself and the concepts were very general and far too broad for me to rate much above average.

[Justina Koerper · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I first became a parent, I plunged into the deep end of parenting books. I have since formed the opinion that most of them are misguided, unhelpful, and can cast parents into anxiety whirlpools. All that to say, I generally stay away from them now. The few that I have loved that I continue to think about are backed up by fascinating science. I love Brain Rules for Baby by John Medina and Hold on to your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté.

I loved this book because it gave heavy doses of the science behind brain health and mixed the psychology of love and logic in. Many concepts are familiar but a welcome reminder. This book helps you fight the useless cycle of guilt we parents tend to go into when the going gets tough. Instead, it empowers the parent and the child. It's message is that it's never too late to focus or refocus on mental resilience and brain health for ourselves and our children!

[Maegan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book, which is full of parenting tips!

If you liked the book: love and logic, you will find this helpful too!

[Elena Druță]

DNF la 32%.
Cum să crești copii puternici mental de Dr. Daniel G. Amen și Dr. Charles Fay a început promițător, dar m-a pierdut foarte repede pe parcurs. Multe informații îmi erau cunoscute deja, problema nu a fost asta, ci modul arogant și ipocrit de abordare a unor situații. Nu am rezonat cu mentalitatea de americani, unde autorii spun ceva de genul „ te vom învăța cum să crești copii puternici și independenți ca să nu te trezești în situația că ai un copil de 18-24 de ani și încă stă cu tine,” ”dacă copilul tău e lent de dimineață și pierde autobuzul spre școală, pune-l să plătească benzina dacă trebuie să-l duci tu la școală,”, etc, etc.
La un moment dat, sunt descrise tipurile de părinți (elicopter, permisiv, instructor militar etc.) și autorii afirmă că nu e ok să faci x sau y, nu e ok să faci chestii „pentru că tu știi mai bine”, ci trebuie și explicat - potrivit vârstei copilului - de ce faci așa și nu altfel. Mai târziu, la capitolul despre limite, unul dintre autori prezintă o situație în care nu își lasă copilul adolescent să meargă la concert DOAR PENTRU CĂ POATE, pentru că el impune limite, nu pentru că e periculos/nu își permite/etc. Am mai răsfoit cartea, am dat de niște „sfaturi” cu care eu nu rezonez deloc (printre acestea - în capitolul privind educația sexuală a adolescentului, autorii propun metoda abstinenței drept a fi cea corectă, când sunt nșpe mii de situații ce demonstrează că nu e deloc eficientă). Poate cărțile de parenting nu sunt de mine, poate am idei foarte diferite de ce propun autorii, cert este că am simțit pe parcursul lecturii o deviere mai mult spre spiritual decât spre științific, sfaturile oferite fiind de multe ori de tipul old school, ambalate diferit. Să nu mai spun de situațiile ipotetice create, unde nu a fost deloc credibil cum reacționa o tabără sau alta (situații de tipul and then everyone clapped).

[Zach Scheller · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m really intrigued to try the “Love and Logic” approach in my home. Interestingly enough, many of my parenting decisions fell in to the typical parenting styles Amen and Fay claim are problematic, and my reading the book stemmed from seeing the consequences of these approaches in my kids’ life.

The concern for me is falling on either side of these parenting styles (helicopter parents or drill sergeants) and seeing how our kids are relying on us to constantly direct traffic and give them direction, instead of them feeling like they can make decisions in their lives, even if those decisions can be wrong (yet safe.)

What I hope to see through the “love and logic” approach is kids taking a more active role in their own decision making, without parents taking a “hands off” approach. So, as an example, if a kid doesn’t get their school work done, instead is saying “it’s not big deal” or (the opposite extreme) “you’re going to sit there until you’re done,” you ask them “how do you plan to get the school work done tomorrow on top of tomorrow’s school work?” This now puts them in the drivers seat and starts to prepare them to mature and problem solve.

One note - while not explicitly Christian, Amen and Fay seemingly come in to this with, at best, a Christian worldview and, at worst, shared Christian values. Yet one thing that they pointed out is that often time authoritarian parenting is often more about modifying children’s behavior, and not about true correction and instruction for them to grow in to mature adults. As they pointed out - parents must release their (fake) control over their kids because they never actually had that control to begin with. We can’t control our kids; our job is to shepherd our kids. We’re not about behavior modification - we’re about truly instructing and growing our kids to the point that our children no longer need us to rescue them.