When Rain Hurts: An Adoptive Mother's Journey with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome: An Adoptive Mother's Journey with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

by Mary Evelyn Greene

When Rain Hurts is the story of one mother’s quest to find a magical path of healing and forgiveness for her son, a boy so damaged by the double whammy of prenatal alcohol abuse and the stark rigors of Russian orphanage life that he was feral by the time of his adoption at age three. Bizarre behaviors, irrational thoughts, and dangerous preoccupations were the norm—no amount of love, it turns out, can untangle the effects of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. More people are coping with and caring for those affected by Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders than individuals living with autism, but because there is a stigma associated with this preventable, devastating birth defect, it is a pandemic of disability and tragedy that remains underreported and underexplored. When Rain Hurts puts an unapologetic face to living and coping with this tragedy while doggedly searching for a more hopeful outcome for one beautiful, innocent, but damaged little boy.

Genres: Adoption, Parenting, Memoir, Nonfiction

296 pages, Paperback

First published September 15, 2013

Reviews

[Cynthia (brust) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an often harrowing story of a family learning to live with a child with FASD and learning to love him. It is not a new story, nor easy to read. I sometimes wanted to scream a warning before I turned the page, knowing some of what this family has faced. I admire Greene's ability to journal as she went through the pain and intensity of trying to raise her son and make the best choices -- I certainly wish I had done the same thing, for so much has become muddied in my memory. Stories like these are not meant to teach any universal truths about FASD, because each child and each family is unique. But it is good to know that we meet somewhere at a crossroads, and recognize each other.

[Dianna Winget · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't often give a book a 5 star rating, but this one deserves it. A couple's decision to adopt two toddlers from a Russian orphanage leads to a life they never could have foreseen. The book is heartbreaking, heroic, beautiful, and ultimately triumphant in the ways that matter most. A highly recommended read.

[Literary Mama]

In January 2013, Russia enforced a total ban on American adoptions after a Tennessee mother sent her seven-year-old adopted Russian son on a plane back to Moscow, alone. A more recently exposed scandal is that of American adoptive parents "re-homing" their uncontrollable Russian children by placing ads on the Internet. These transactions, privately arranged through lawyers, are estimated to be in the hundreds or even thousands. Yet the vast majority of the more than 60,000 Russian children that have been adopted by Americans over the past two decades—including many with physical or emotional disabilities—have benefited from loving and stable homes, and a high standard of care.

In her memoir, When Rain Hurts: An Adoptive Mother's Journey with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Mary Evelyn Greene tells the story of adopting two young Russian children. Greene was in her late thirties and her husband in his mid-fifties when they set their hearts on adopting from Russia. Not knowing how full of false starts the adoption process was, Greene rashly pinned her hopes and affections on grainy photographs and glowing reports transmitted by their Russian agency.

Read Literary Mama's full review here: http://www.literarymama.com/reviews/a...

[Dana · Rating 2 out of 5]

It is a good snapshot into what adoptive parents of FASD children can experience. It would be a good book if you want to be familiar with this because you know someone who has adopted a child with FAS. The book lays out the full range of emotions that adoptive parents feel in this situation, which are hard to explain in everyday discussions.

It did focus too much on the adoption and first year, I feel that there should have been more emphasis on the later years, lessons learned and systems created/changed to support this family.

At the same time I am probably too close to the subject matter to give it an honest assessment. Reading it brought me back to my family's experience (which was the different and the same in many ways) that it was frustrating and I had a hard time picking it up again to read on.

Depending on your intent in reading, I would give it a 3.5 for people who want to know more about the subject but a 2 for parents living in this situation. With the forwarning that this is a spectrum disorder and each child is uniquely different. There are a lot of generalities in symptoms but wide variation in behaviors.

[Chelsea · Rating 3 out of 5]

I will try to focus on the book itself and not pass judgement. The book is well written, obviously written by a well-educated woman. The story of the adoption and the struggles the family went through are not only interesting but shocking as well. Parts of the book had me turning page after page, other parts I'd put down and not want to read on for weeks at a time. The journal entries can be a bit confusing and seem to tell the story that's told at the end of the book anyway. Maybe they were added to make it feel whimsical but they are unnecessary. What I would have liked to see (maybe this has to do with my biology degree and nursing degree) is some more of the etiology and biology behind the FASD and the other disorders affecting Peter. I think this book has potential but at the same time it sometimes feels like the author is bragging or trying to place blame on other people which left a bad taste in my mouth.

[Denise Huff · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got this book from the library because we also adopted a child with FAS, and at my wit's end, I wondered what help I could find. While our journey and our child's experience are very different from their family, there were so many means of mutual identification, including the battle with educators who did not understand (or who chose not to listen). I am just now realizing how many issues that we have battled over the years were a result of FAS and not so much the other disability labels that accompany that one, and I wonder where the support is for parents who deal with this daily. As demonstrated by this memoir, the ability to adjust expectations, to love fiercely, and to celebrate the small achievements (and not to compare yourself with others whose children are able to accomplish so much more) are requirements to survivel and even to thrive.

[Meg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although there are few tips or strategies, this is an incredible book to add to your book shelf. It is humorous, educational and intimate and has beautiful prose that will keep you engaged until the very end.
By the end, you will realize that as a parent of an FAS child, you too can rise above and become a stronger and better person for it. You will look at your FAS child in a different and more understanding light.

[Angie K. · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bit long but the author wants to give a real look at adoption through their experience. Their love for their children, their concern and their attempt at helping their children is apparent in each page of this book.

[Kristina Hurd · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book feel like it’s more about Russian adoption than it is about FASD...but if one or both of those are something of interest to you this might be a worth while read.

Its not a particularly easy read, though it is well written. Much of the subject matter is very heartbreaking and heavy.

If you’ve ever worked closely with or loved a child with special needs (specifically autism and FASD) than there is some very relatable material and it’s validating to know you aren’t the only one who has experienced some of the more shocking behaviors or has thought some of the less than noble thoughts that come with caring for someone with these unique challenges.

3 stars - it was good. If you don’t have a specific reason for wanting to read it I wouldn’t say it’s the first memoir I’d recommend.