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The Vampire Cookbook
Kelly Kerbey's life is like something straight out of a reality television show: She's dating a gorgeous Hollywood actor, her best friend is a supermodel, and she is the best-selling author of a series of supernatural romance novels that she secretly hates writing. Unfortunately she's attracted the attention of the wrong kind of fan, and that fan is going to make her an offer she literally can't refuse: He's going to force her to help him write a cookbook, and if she doesn't comply she could end up as an entree.
Part Tim Burton farce and part Jane Austen voyage of self-discovery, The Vampire Cookbook will make you laugh out loud and take a second look at the strangers lurking in the dark corners.
Part Tim Burton farce and part Jane Austen voyage of self-discovery, The Vampire Cookbook will make you laugh out loud and take a second look at the strangers lurking in the dark corners.
228 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 9, 2013
About the author
M.J. Heiser
5 books58 followersMJ Heiser (aka Mary Johnson Heiser) was born in the Philippines to an American Navy man and a Filipino woman, who realized quickly that her clumsiness was incompatible with her native land and relocated her to the United States. She learned to read at the age of three, started doodling stories at the age of eight, obtained her first typewriter at the age of 12, and finished her first book at the age of 13.
"When I write, I'm liberated. I'm not trapped by my gender, skin color, age, weight, or marital status. The only thing before me is the act of creation; it's all I am, and it's my only purpose."
When she's not busy being so liberated, she's probably writing, editing for the Literary Underground, working, walking her dogs, planning trips with her loving husband, or trying not to trip over something.
"When I write, I'm liberated. I'm not trapped by my gender, skin color, age, weight, or marital status. The only thing before me is the act of creation; it's all I am, and it's my only purpose."
When she's not busy being so liberated, she's probably writing, editing for the Literary Underground, working, walking her dogs, planning trips with her loving husband, or trying not to trip over something.
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
August 26, 2026
I loved the premise of this story: a vampire wants to publish a vampire cookbook but cannot find a publisher, so he must work with a ghostwriter who has written a series of terrible vampire books that she herself hates. We see through several characters the struggles people in creative fields face: not getting traction on projects that they are passionate about, and having to create something they aren't passionate about to pay the bills.
A story about a human and a vampire working on a writing project together and finding commonalities based on their shared interest in writing and disappointment in their projects is plenty of material for a story.
-Spoilers-
So, what brought it down for me was that it felt overcomplicated. I didn't need there to be a werewolf subplot that somehow dragged on way too long despite having almost no screentime. I didn't need an investigation and trial from the supernatural rulers.
Concerning the characters: our main character Kelly is an author who has written the bestselling Vampire U series, which she hates. But her life is going pretty well. Her main issues are that she's not writing what she wants to write, her mom is overbearing, and she is getting mixed signals about commitment from her boyfriend Brent. She is also a bit insecure about her looks and compares herself to her friend, Celeste, who is a Victoria's Secret model. So it would make sense that her character arc would be to be able to write something that she's proud of, and become more confident in her relationships with the people in her life. While her relationship issues with Brent are resolved by the end of the book, it wasn't really because of any character growth on her part. Yes, she decides to take the plunge and trust him. Making a commitment was part of the issue, but their relationship clearly also suffered from a lack of communication.
We didn't get to spend much time with Brent because he was in South America for an acting job for most of the book. I mostly like him and Kelly's ending, but I didn't like that after Celeste became a vampire, he asked Brandywine to alter Kelly's memory to think Celeste was dead, despite Kelly's protests. I feel like that is a violation.
I thought James was an interesting character and I liked his dynamic with Kelly. But, his relationship with Celeste was my least favorite part of the book. I think a lot of that had to do with Celeste not being a fleshed out character. We know that she is beautiful, confident, and a present and reliable friend to Kelly. Kelly's narration suggests that she thinks that Celeste is friends with her because it makes her look so good in comparison. But that seems to be Kelly's insecurities rather than Celeste actually behaving that way. We know Celeste previously had her heart broken by a man named Johnny Thayer, but we aren't given the details. And we know that Celeste has had her feelings hurt in the past by things that Kelly has said, such as being glad she didn't have her hair. She clearly takes her work seriously and wants to be professional with her stylists. But I wish we could learn more about what she loves about her field. It seems like she does enjoy being a beautiful spectacle. But is there more than that? Is there a creative interest?
The reason I ask that is because we don't get to know her enough that I feel like I can see why her and James are so head over heels for each other. Yes, they are both physically attracted to each other. But, they claim to be in love after one date. The rest of the book they are so saccharine together that I couldn't stop rolling my eyes. It's always odd when a vampire character meets someone and says that they haven't met anyone so special in centuries. Yes, she has good qualities, but in all that time, you meet a lot of people. It's hard to imagine that anyone would feel very novel after all that time.
And, as far as the narrative tells us, Celeste never struggled in her career or had to make sacrifices to her own vision in the way that the rest of the characters in this did. If she had, that would be something her and James would connect over. I suppose they do have in common that they want attention and success, although she already has it.
I don't like that the book ended with her becoming a vampire. For one, I hate contrived situations where someone is suddenly dying and a vampire has to choose between making them a vampire and letting them die. So now they can be in love, but they are also running around murdering people. It resolves the James being lonely plot, but that could have just been solved by him making friends. If he feels bad about vampires killing people, it seems like he would be ethically opposed to creating more of them. And, I don't like it that their killing is excused by calling their victims "vagrants and generally up to no good." So because someone has made mistakes or fallen onto hard times their lives are less valuable? I can see vampires making excuses like this, or just doing it because they're less likely to get caught, but I don't like Kelly making these excuses for them or being happy in any way over what has happened to her best friend.
Another thing I wish we could have learned more about is the werewolves. Are they all born as werewolves? Are all of Brent's Hollywood friends such as Brad Pitt and Paul Rudd also werewolves in this? And are they just themselves in wolf bodies? Are there downsides to being a werewolf like there are for being a vampire? And why do vampires and werewolves hate each other anyway? It's so odd when characters we are supposed to root for randomly start throwing out in-universe speciesist slurs.
I would have liked to learn more about Kelly's mom and Sunny, and her dad who was a long-haul trucker we didn't see at all. Did Kelly's insecurities come from her family life? Was part of Kelly's reluctance about getting married and having kids come from her mother's insistence on it?
Also, I thought there was going to be some reveal that Kelly was psychic or something. She was having dreams that seemed to be glimpses of real events. How was she doing that? It was kind of hand-waved as having to do with her relationship with Brent, but then why did she have a vision of James?
So, while I did have some complaints, there is a lot to like about this book.
A story about a human and a vampire working on a writing project together and finding commonalities based on their shared interest in writing and disappointment in their projects is plenty of material for a story.
-Spoilers-
So, what brought it down for me was that it felt overcomplicated. I didn't need there to be a werewolf subplot that somehow dragged on way too long despite having almost no screentime. I didn't need an investigation and trial from the supernatural rulers.
Concerning the characters: our main character Kelly is an author who has written the bestselling Vampire U series, which she hates. But her life is going pretty well. Her main issues are that she's not writing what she wants to write, her mom is overbearing, and she is getting mixed signals about commitment from her boyfriend Brent. She is also a bit insecure about her looks and compares herself to her friend, Celeste, who is a Victoria's Secret model. So it would make sense that her character arc would be to be able to write something that she's proud of, and become more confident in her relationships with the people in her life. While her relationship issues with Brent are resolved by the end of the book, it wasn't really because of any character growth on her part. Yes, she decides to take the plunge and trust him. Making a commitment was part of the issue, but their relationship clearly also suffered from a lack of communication.
We didn't get to spend much time with Brent because he was in South America for an acting job for most of the book. I mostly like him and Kelly's ending, but I didn't like that after Celeste became a vampire, he asked Brandywine to alter Kelly's memory to think Celeste was dead, despite Kelly's protests. I feel like that is a violation.
I thought James was an interesting character and I liked his dynamic with Kelly. But, his relationship with Celeste was my least favorite part of the book. I think a lot of that had to do with Celeste not being a fleshed out character. We know that she is beautiful, confident, and a present and reliable friend to Kelly. Kelly's narration suggests that she thinks that Celeste is friends with her because it makes her look so good in comparison. But that seems to be Kelly's insecurities rather than Celeste actually behaving that way. We know Celeste previously had her heart broken by a man named Johnny Thayer, but we aren't given the details. And we know that Celeste has had her feelings hurt in the past by things that Kelly has said, such as being glad she didn't have her hair. She clearly takes her work seriously and wants to be professional with her stylists. But I wish we could learn more about what she loves about her field. It seems like she does enjoy being a beautiful spectacle. But is there more than that? Is there a creative interest?
The reason I ask that is because we don't get to know her enough that I feel like I can see why her and James are so head over heels for each other. Yes, they are both physically attracted to each other. But, they claim to be in love after one date. The rest of the book they are so saccharine together that I couldn't stop rolling my eyes. It's always odd when a vampire character meets someone and says that they haven't met anyone so special in centuries. Yes, she has good qualities, but in all that time, you meet a lot of people. It's hard to imagine that anyone would feel very novel after all that time.
And, as far as the narrative tells us, Celeste never struggled in her career or had to make sacrifices to her own vision in the way that the rest of the characters in this did. If she had, that would be something her and James would connect over. I suppose they do have in common that they want attention and success, although she already has it.
I don't like that the book ended with her becoming a vampire. For one, I hate contrived situations where someone is suddenly dying and a vampire has to choose between making them a vampire and letting them die. So now they can be in love, but they are also running around murdering people. It resolves the James being lonely plot, but that could have just been solved by him making friends. If he feels bad about vampires killing people, it seems like he would be ethically opposed to creating more of them. And, I don't like it that their killing is excused by calling their victims "vagrants and generally up to no good." So because someone has made mistakes or fallen onto hard times their lives are less valuable? I can see vampires making excuses like this, or just doing it because they're less likely to get caught, but I don't like Kelly making these excuses for them or being happy in any way over what has happened to her best friend.
Another thing I wish we could have learned more about is the werewolves. Are they all born as werewolves? Are all of Brent's Hollywood friends such as Brad Pitt and Paul Rudd also werewolves in this? And are they just themselves in wolf bodies? Are there downsides to being a werewolf like there are for being a vampire? And why do vampires and werewolves hate each other anyway? It's so odd when characters we are supposed to root for randomly start throwing out in-universe speciesist slurs.
I would have liked to learn more about Kelly's mom and Sunny, and her dad who was a long-haul trucker we didn't see at all. Did Kelly's insecurities come from her family life? Was part of Kelly's reluctance about getting married and having kids come from her mother's insistence on it?
Also, I thought there was going to be some reveal that Kelly was psychic or something. She was having dreams that seemed to be glimpses of real events. How was she doing that? It was kind of hand-waved as having to do with her relationship with Brent, but then why did she have a vision of James?
So, while I did have some complaints, there is a lot to like about this book.
May 11, 2013
This book was truly a joy to read. I measure a good book by whether or not I can't put it down and if I must, if I can't wait to pick it up again. That's how it was for me with The Vampire Cookbook. I'll try to keep this spoiler-free.
MJ Heiser has taken the fantasy/supernatural genre in a refreshingly new direction. I was truly surprised by a few of the twists. When a book in this genre would normally zig, The Vampire Cookbook zags. The main character, Kelly, is funny - in fact, the whole book is laugh out loud funny - and relatable. The Vampire Cookbook also serves as a love letter to Portland, Oregon. It's described so vividly and captured so perfectly, it's almost like it's another character in the book.
I hope MJ Heiser releases the next in The Supernatural Cookbooks soon. I cannot wait to read another Kelly Kerbey adventure!
MJ Heiser has taken the fantasy/supernatural genre in a refreshingly new direction. I was truly surprised by a few of the twists. When a book in this genre would normally zig, The Vampire Cookbook zags. The main character, Kelly, is funny - in fact, the whole book is laugh out loud funny - and relatable. The Vampire Cookbook also serves as a love letter to Portland, Oregon. It's described so vividly and captured so perfectly, it's almost like it's another character in the book.
I hope MJ Heiser releases the next in The Supernatural Cookbooks soon. I cannot wait to read another Kelly Kerbey adventure!
June 17, 2013
When I first read the sample I thought, its only 2.99 why not. I am so happy that I did, it was a great read with a different spin on the supernatural world and I think that it would surprise readers, yes there are still vampires, werewolves and other paranormal creatures but it is not the usual story. All I can say is try it, you will be delightfully surprised!
October 24, 2025
This was such a wonderful and fun book! I loved reading about this vampire mythology, which was different from other books I've read.
This held my interest the entire time, and I so wish it was a series because I would love to spend more time with these characters.
I definitely recommend this one!
This held my interest the entire time, and I so wish it was a series because I would love to spend more time with these characters.
I definitely recommend this one!
July 24, 2013
funny and delightful if you like cookbooks! Go ahead and plan your next bloody party!
February 23, 2014
It's was a cute book, pretty easy read. I would definitely recommend it and would be a good book for a teen/young adult.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews