Falling Into Manholes

by Wendy Merrill

A marketing communications manager who has struggled with addiction and an endless series of bad relationships evaluates how her experiences reflect the struggle between good and bad faced by women from all walks of life, in a candid self-portrait that also describes her efforts to build self-esteem and the secrets to a meaningful existence. 40,000 first printing.

Genres: Memoir

240 pages, Hardcover

First published March 27, 2008

About the author

Meet Wendy Merrill, a quirky, attractive, in-recovery-from ...well, you can pretty much name it...who, while seemingly on the quest for her perfect mate, keeps falling into manholes. After losing herself in an endless series of attachments, this serial mater comes to see how her relationships with men are emblematic of all of her relationships--with alcohol, food, drugs, family, friends and, most of all, herself.

Wendy is the author of Falling into Manholes: The Memoir of a Bad/Good Girl (Putnam, March 2008). She currently lives above ground and beyond her means in Marin County, CA.

Reviews

[Mandy Partridge · Rating 3 out of 5]

I looked to see if Macmilan credited an Editor for 'Manholes', as I saw a great need for editing throughout this book. Wendy Merrill is funny, and this stream of consciousness stuff might work as standup comedy material, but as literature, it is painful to push through. Painful. It makes the reader feel sad that the author has had these problems with food, alcohol, drug and sex addictions, but also sorry that she missed out on studying English literature to learn how to construct a plot, and write with style. We don't have to hear about every last awful episode of binging, and making the same relationship mistakes over and over. Pay a therapist to help with your life problems. Pay an editor to help with your writing problems. A good writer uses all this material, but simplifies many events into a few, for ease of reading. Someone at Pan Macmilan Australia should have paid an editor to work on this first draft, car-wreck of a book.

[Marissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not a deep read, but an entertaining look at one woman's struggle to find herself after an eating disorder, alcoholism, and addiction to men. Lest you think it will be one of those whiny look-at-what-my-parents-did- to- me- and- my- life- sucks memoirs, know that she's actually entertaining & funny if a bit too much at times. I enjoyed reading it, did it in 2 nights, and it was a nice escape. I even gained one or two nuggets of wisdom from what she had to say.

[Akire · Rating 1 out of 5]

Plain and simple, this book sucks! It's not the type of book I would normally buy,so I thought a friend might have given it to me to read. After the first night I thought I'd give it another try to see if anything developed. Second night I thought "I'll give it one more try." Last night was it. The whole book is a therapy session for her. Constant "If I do this, does it mean that?" "Am I afraid of this, or am I trying to avoid that?" Arghh. She also constantly quotes definitions out of the dictionary that take up half a page or more! NOTHING of real value about her life is in the book. No real, concrete experiences. She just "mentions" important life moments, but they never developed. The book is about her fear of commitment, and I'd say she had a fear to commit to this book.

[Anne Walbridge · Rating 1 out of 5]

By far the best part of this book was the title. It was probably cathartic to write, but a snooze to read.

[Wendy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Since this is a memoir and I wrote it, I met and became best friends with myself!

[Bjørn · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is...nice. A collection of personal essays meeting an unstructured memoir. There are some real zingers of one-liners and clever wordplay. But if there is underlying narrative, other than 'oops, I made a lot of bad choices', I haven't found it. But I enjoyed the read, even though this book is extremely unlikely to change my life.

[Jenny · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hmm, where do memoirs go? Nonfiction? If they're not totally lies, that is! Anyway, this wasn't exactly what I was expecting, but what it was: one Cali woman's story of facing her demons and finding some kind of peace through it all. A few interesting thoughts:

--"I have often selected... men, who, for one reason or another, are unable or un-willing to commit to a long-term, serious romantic relationship. For a while, I blamed these men for their apparent inability to commit to a future, until it occurred to me that all my relationships have one thing in common: me. I pair up with these male versions of myself so that I don't have to acknowledge my own fear of making a serious commitment. Ugh." (p 68)

--"As Sartre says, "Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." (p 138)

--"But I knew it was much more than that. The problem was not him, it was me. And the solution lay in taking responsibility for myself. Surrender or be dragged. This was my doing, and it would be my undoing unless I could let go and accept the situation for what it was. Which was over or, if I was being truthful with myself, a nonstarter. If succeeding in the art of the fling meant remaining emotionally detached, clearly I had failed. But maybe what seemed like failure was really progress. Or, as Thomas Edison said, "I have not failed. I've just found ten thousand ways that won't work." (p 174)

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beyond the sparkling wit and recovery talk, beyond the gobbling and retching of sheet cakes, beyond the frantic guzzling of whiskey and subsequent blackouts, beyond the compulsive couplings with uber-assholes that make you want to cry out, Don't give him your heart! Not again! -- you will find the pulsing essence of a charming but damaged woman, finding her way back to herself through the writing of this book. With each essay, each layer explored, more sequins of persona fall away -- until we encounter this woman in all her heart's nakedness. Just like the "shift" Merrill talks about experiencing in "the rooms" of 12-step programs where she finally finds comfort and an opportunity to change, so too does the book offer a seismic shift -- and a psychic unveiling that moved me profoundly, and bore out to the end. I felt like a confidante, privy to this woman's brave journey to the grief stemming from the tragic childhood loss of her mother, a loss that had obscured Merrill's way for years. Beautifully wrought, and unabashedly human, Falling Into Manholes is an intimate and inspiring gift.

[eRin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm not even going to summarize this first because I don't want anyone making the same mistake I did and pick it up. This is not good. I have only put down a few books in my life and unless it's horrendous, I ususally finish. This one was relatively short and I kept hoping that it would get better, but it didn't. But then again, I'm not an alcoholic and there's a good chance that those in recovery could get something out of Merrill's experiences. She makes the same mistakes with men over and over and over again. She recognizes what she is doing, but doesn't change her ways. Basically she ends up learning to live with herslef--but I'm not even convinced that happens for sure. Her mother committing suicide when Merrill was sixteen really did a number on her (as it should) and she turned to eating disorders, alcohol and drugs. Then she gets sober but changes her addiction to men. That's pretty much the book. I had high hopes because my favorite contemporary author, Marian Keyes, raved about the book; but then again, she's a recovering alcoholic as well. If you're not, stay away from this.

[April · Rating 2 out of 5]

Billed as a brutally honest memoir that every woman who has have ever experienced love and loss should read, 'Falling into Manholes' isn't any more exciting than eavesdropping on a conversation among a group of women on a 'Girls' Night Out'. Her experiences with serial monogamy, bad relationship choices, low self-esteem are nothing unique.

Her writing is cliched and pedestrian. There is nothing soul-bearing about it.

Maybe it's that I have my own personal disdain for co-dependent women but I don't know how else to say that I just didn't like it. Yes, Merrill does share some things that she would probably consider her "deep, dark secrets" but the fact that she's more good girl than bad girl just leaves it flat.

I do, however, have to try to find a few good things to say about it to give the local bookseller a blurb to use when they put this book on display after it's published. I suppose I'll stick to vague adjectives like "poignant" and "revealing".

[Deb · Rating 4 out of 5]

*From holes to whole*

Falling Into Manholes provides a fascinating look at how early childhood losses and unmet emotional needs can have profound and enduring effects over the course of one's life. Wendy's honest and candid story portrays how her early experiences contributed to her turning to a variety of addictions (including alcohol, drugs, eating disorders, and relationships) in an attempt to satisfy her emotional hunger. On the surface, Wendy's accounts are humorous and often (too?) punny, but underneath is a very real level of pain and yearning, which becomes increasingly apparent as the book progresses. After years of trying to fill the void with other people and substances, Wendy ultimately realizes that her healing needs to start from within. Relaying how Wendy progresses from falling into manholes to becoming more spiritually whole, her memoir serves as an entertaining, touching, and provocative read.

[Sherry · Rating 3 out of 5]

Having just read Wildwater Womens Walking Club, I found this a tad more introspective and deep, but still was left lacking...wondering ...why? ( other than to make some money!) I loved that the author disclosed at the end the reason underlying her anger at her mothers death and the actual details of that. It answered alot of questions. I'm still kinda trying to figure out all the levity at such important and deep topics like alcoholism and Bulimia and mental illness. I couldn't really feel her feelings but i did enjoy the writing style, an easy read. Reminded me alot of eat love pray with sheet cake...( I didn't like that book much either!)

[The Cats’ Mother · Rating 1 out of 5]

The blurb on the back said that this was funny - it wasn't - it was a cringe-making account of her relationships with men and how she made the same mistake over and over, and continued to feel sorry for herself even though it was all of her own making. I found it very irritating and feel sorry that I didn't follow my instincts and give up on it after the first chapter. Yes there were some events and comments that rang true - as they would for any woman who's even been single for a while, but it felt like a SATC rip-off without the humour.

[Torimac · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think 3 stars should be, "it's okay", not i liked it.
the writing quality was 4 star.
her sense of humor was a 3 star.
her structure was 4 or 5 star... it flowed really well.
her conveyance of her perspective... 1 star.
I had a hard time relating to her issues of body concern, and I've worked with alot of women with body concerns (and of course my own). I thought she needed to explore body issues more and get outside of herself a bit more. For me, with limited time and some depression, it became a chore to finish the book.

[Zion · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't love this book. I think the author was very self-pitying and I'm not sure if I was just reading to get another memoir under my belt or if I just felt bad if I stopped reading her book. This review is being written after I started "Women Who Hurt Themselves", but I bought them at the same time. This author very much describes the emotional state changes that the book mentioned above dives into.

[Lost In A Fog · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh my...someplace early on Wendy says that if you're a man and reading this book, then you must be brave. I'm not sure it took courage, but it is certainly quite a ride tagging along as Wendy fights her demons and seeks, well, if not true love, then at least truth.

Hey Wendy, I want to hear about Valentine's Dy 2008. Tell me please....

[Sarah]

Unfortunately this adult memoir is a little TOO adult for high school students. I found it hilarious and it hit a little too close to home in some parts. Merrill is a forty-something woman who tells her story, even though it's embarrassing. She's anorexic and then bulimic. She drinks too much and has no idea how to act around men, even though she's thin, smart, and beautiful. Hence the title!

[Lisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

while the reviews of this don't look good, i bought this book at the $1 store, and solely on the review on the cover from one of my fave chick lit authors, marian keyes. marian is quoted "I adore it. How could I not? I laughed, I cried. I thought, 'Oh, I did that!'" - I'll let you know once I'm done...but so far it's a fun, easy read...

[Roadhouse · Rating 1 out of 5]

If you have a passion for the underground, if you have a passion for underground waste water disposal, if you have a passion for underground access, you will be very disappointed in this book!

This book has NOTHING to do with sewer or storm water infrastructure.

If you are interested in underground civil engineering, you should NOT read this book!

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

While the book had some funny parts, I mostly was just reading it to finish it (I rarely give up on a book). The author had a significant amount of issues, but because she used humor so frequently, I never felt like I actually got to know her, which made it hard for me to fully appreciate her story.

[Alexandra · Rating 1 out of 5]

WTF was this shit. I read like 30% according to my kobo and had to delete it. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY STUPID PUNS?! Like I'm sorry, a men-moir? Not funny. Like it was brutal all the puns and jokes she kept trying to make.... Read like a bad humour book that should have never been published. Who told this woman she is funny? She's not.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got this book for free, as an unedited, pre-release book. I didn't expect much - but WOW I really enjoyed it! She tells stories about her life that seem superficial and then all of a sudden, she comes out with some amazing insight and you realize how deep she has been being.

[Afsaneh · Rating 3 out of 5]

This books is all about word play and puns - which is kinda fun. It gets much better towards the end. I learned more than I ever thought I would about 12 step anonymous programs...didn't know so many existed.

[Alexis · Rating 1 out of 5]

Sucky. She describes herself doing the same stupid self destructive things over and over and over, and peppers the whole thing with AA cliches. The most well written parts had to do with her coping with her mom's tragic death--that would be a better book, I think.

[Kaite Stover · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just started. Very funny. And kind of sad.

[David Gleeson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Might be a few too many puns, aphorisms and tracts of recovery-speak here, but there are also some great passages - particularly the 'still born' chapter where the writing really shines.

[Jodi Sh. · Rating 2 out of 5]

this woman is in just about every 12 step program there is, it's unbelievably cheesy but the truths are there, just badly written

[Kyla · Rating 1 out of 5]

Chalk it up to that new literary catagory: There was no reason to write a memoir, but my agent says they sell like hotcakes.

[Krista Bolan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really interesting and well-written.

[Marcia · Rating 2 out of 5]

horrible