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Rude Bitches Make Me Tired: Slightly Profane and Entirely Logical Answers to Modern Etiquette Dilemmas
In this always sensible and mildly profane etiquette manual for the modern age Celia Rivenbark addresses real-life quandaries ranging from how to deal with braggy playground moms to wondering if you can have sex in your aunt's bed on vacation to correctly grieving the dearly departed (hint: it doesn't include tattoos or truck decals). Rude Bitches Make Me Tired will provide answers to all your mannerly questions as Celia discusses the social conundrums of our day and age, including:
Navigating the agonies of check splitting ("Who had the gorgonzola crumbles and should we really care?")The baffling aspects of airline travel (such as "Recline Monster" and other animals)The art of the visit (always leave them wanting more . . . much more)Gym and locker etiquette (hint: no one wants to talk to you while you're buck naked)Office manners ("Loud talkers, cake hawkers, and Britney Sue's unfortunate cyst")And much more!
Good manners have never been so wickedly funny!
Navigating the agonies of check splitting ("Who had the gorgonzola crumbles and should we really care?")The baffling aspects of airline travel (such as "Recline Monster" and other animals)The art of the visit (always leave them wanting more . . . much more)Gym and locker etiquette (hint: no one wants to talk to you while you're buck naked)Office manners ("Loud talkers, cake hawkers, and Britney Sue's unfortunate cyst")And much more!
Good manners have never been so wickedly funny!
288 pages, ebook
First published October 22, 2013
81 people are currently reading
2437 people want to read
About the author
Celia Rivenbark
11 books462 followersCelia Rivenbark was born and raised in Duplin County, NC, which had the distinction of being the nation's number 1 producer of hogs and turkeys during a brief, magical moment in the early 1980s.
Celia grew up in a small house in the country with a red barn out back that was populated by a couple of dozen lanky and unvaccinated cats. Her grandparents' house, just across the ditch, had the first indoor plumbing in Teachey, NC and family lore swears that people came from miles around just to watch the toilet flush.
Despite this proud plumbing tradition, Celia grew up without a washer and dryer. On every Sunday afternoon of her childhood, while her mama rested up from preparing a fried chicken and sweet potato casserole lunch, she, her sister and her daddy rode to the laundromat two miles away to do the weekly wash.
It was at this laundromat, where a carefully lettered sign reminded customers that management was "NOT RESONSIBLE" for lost items, that Celia shirked "resonsibility" her own self and snuck away to read the big, fat Sunday News & Observer out of Raleigh, NC. By age 7, she'd decided to be a newspaper reporter.
Late nights, she'd listen to the feed trucks rattle by on the highway and she'd go to sleep wondering what exotic cities those noisy trucks would be in by morning (Richmond? Atlanta? Charlotte?) Their headlights crawling across the walls of her little pink bedroom at the edge of a soybean field were like constellations pointing the way to a bigger life, a better place, a place where there wasn't so much turkey shit everywhere.
After a couple of years of college, Celia went to work for her hometown paper, the Wallace, NC Enterprise. The locals loved to say, as they renewed their "perscriptions," that "you can eat a pot of rice and read the Enterprise and go to bed with nothing on your stomach and nothing on your mind."
Mebbe. But Celia loved the Enterprise. Where else could you cover a dead body being hauled out of the river (alcohol was once again a contributing factor) in the morning and then write up weddings in the afternoon?
After eight years, however, taking front-page photos of the publisher shaking hands with other fez-wearing Shriners and tomatoes shaped like male "ginny-talia" was losing its appeal.
Celia went to work for the Wilmington, NC Morning Star after a savvy features editor was charmed by a lead paragraph in an Enterprise story about the rare birth of a mule: "Her mother was a nag and her father was a jackass."
The Morning Star was no News and Observer but it came out every day and Celia got to write weddings for 55,000 readers instead of 3,500, plus she got a paycheck every two weeks with that nifty New York Times logo on it.
After an unfortunate stint as a copy editor - her ass expanded to a good six ax handles across - Celia started writing a weekly humor column that fulfilled her lifelong dream of being paid to be a smart ass. Along the way, she won a bunch of press awards, including a national health journalism award - hilarious when you consider she's never met a steamed vegetable she could keep down.
Having met and married a cute guy in sports, Celia found herself happily knocked up at age 40 and, after 21 years, she quit newspapering to stay home with her new baby girl.
After a year or so, she started using Sophie's two-hour naps to write a humor column from the mommie front lines for the Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. The column continues to run weekly and is syndicated by the McClatchy-Tribune News Services.
In 2000, Coastal Carolina Press published a collection of Celia's columns. A Southeast Book Sellers Association best-seller, Bless Your Heart, Tramp was nominated for the James Thurber Prize in 2001. David Sedaris won. He wins everything.
http://us.macmillan.com/author/celiar...
Celia grew up in a small house in the country with a red barn out back that was populated by a couple of dozen lanky and unvaccinated cats. Her grandparents' house, just across the ditch, had the first indoor plumbing in Teachey, NC and family lore swears that people came from miles around just to watch the toilet flush.
Despite this proud plumbing tradition, Celia grew up without a washer and dryer. On every Sunday afternoon of her childhood, while her mama rested up from preparing a fried chicken and sweet potato casserole lunch, she, her sister and her daddy rode to the laundromat two miles away to do the weekly wash.
It was at this laundromat, where a carefully lettered sign reminded customers that management was "NOT RESONSIBLE" for lost items, that Celia shirked "resonsibility" her own self and snuck away to read the big, fat Sunday News & Observer out of Raleigh, NC. By age 7, she'd decided to be a newspaper reporter.
Late nights, she'd listen to the feed trucks rattle by on the highway and she'd go to sleep wondering what exotic cities those noisy trucks would be in by morning (Richmond? Atlanta? Charlotte?) Their headlights crawling across the walls of her little pink bedroom at the edge of a soybean field were like constellations pointing the way to a bigger life, a better place, a place where there wasn't so much turkey shit everywhere.
After a couple of years of college, Celia went to work for her hometown paper, the Wallace, NC Enterprise. The locals loved to say, as they renewed their "perscriptions," that "you can eat a pot of rice and read the Enterprise and go to bed with nothing on your stomach and nothing on your mind."
Mebbe. But Celia loved the Enterprise. Where else could you cover a dead body being hauled out of the river (alcohol was once again a contributing factor) in the morning and then write up weddings in the afternoon?
After eight years, however, taking front-page photos of the publisher shaking hands with other fez-wearing Shriners and tomatoes shaped like male "ginny-talia" was losing its appeal.
Celia went to work for the Wilmington, NC Morning Star after a savvy features editor was charmed by a lead paragraph in an Enterprise story about the rare birth of a mule: "Her mother was a nag and her father was a jackass."
The Morning Star was no News and Observer but it came out every day and Celia got to write weddings for 55,000 readers instead of 3,500, plus she got a paycheck every two weeks with that nifty New York Times logo on it.
After an unfortunate stint as a copy editor - her ass expanded to a good six ax handles across - Celia started writing a weekly humor column that fulfilled her lifelong dream of being paid to be a smart ass. Along the way, she won a bunch of press awards, including a national health journalism award - hilarious when you consider she's never met a steamed vegetable she could keep down.
Having met and married a cute guy in sports, Celia found herself happily knocked up at age 40 and, after 21 years, she quit newspapering to stay home with her new baby girl.
After a year or so, she started using Sophie's two-hour naps to write a humor column from the mommie front lines for the Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. The column continues to run weekly and is syndicated by the McClatchy-Tribune News Services.
In 2000, Coastal Carolina Press published a collection of Celia's columns. A Southeast Book Sellers Association best-seller, Bless Your Heart, Tramp was nominated for the James Thurber Prize in 2001. David Sedaris won. He wins everything.
http://us.macmillan.com/author/celiar...
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 198 reviews
December 8, 2013
Rude Bitches Make Me Tired is, according to the blurb, a sassy, modern-day etiquette guide that will help the reader learn how to react or what to say in a particular situation. It's written in a question & answer format, like an advice column in a newspaper or magazine, and covers broad topics including children, dining out, and airplane travel.
Unfortunately, the advice wasn't very useful. I understand that Celia Rivenbark is a comedic author (and this book made me laugh more than once), but there is very little actual life advice in this "guide"- it's often sacrificed for the sake of getting another joke or jab in. Such as, when she recommends that you put unruly children in the overhead bin of the airplane.
In addition to the obviously (or, I hope at least) satirical advice like mentioned above, some of the more sound advice I completely disagree with. For instance, that if there's something on a menu you don't know how to pronounce, don't order it, because it'll make you sound like a "doofus". As someone who has often attended dinners where people are confused by the menu and amount of silverware, this is nonsense. Order what you want. Also, that you should ALWAYS tip your waiter. I've worked in restaurants, and if a server is god awful, a server is god awful.
She also comes across as pretty rude and judgmental herself throughout this book. Like when she mentions that pregnant women should "get over themselves" and accept people touching their stomachs. How about no? Step off away from my body. She also down talks people with in memorial tattoos, and suggests that all things prepared for a funeral have to be hand made. When you're crying your eyes out, you don't care what food is home made or not. And what about those who mess up even a boxed cake mix? Oh, and then there's the bit where she judges how teens use leet speak, but then uses phrases such as "like" and "OMgod." Add in a few gender/gay jokes and a few cheap shots at Chaz Bono, and that's pretty much the tone of the "advice".
There was another part of this book that bothered me, but it's not the fault of the author. I have this issue with a lot of different books, as I'm sure my readers have noticed by now. Pop culture references do not make your book seem cool, they date it. This book makes reference to things like Jersey Shore and Breaking Bad- things that are already passe. It gives readers, or at least gave me, the sense that this book is already old news.
Now, despite all of the negatives that I've written about above, this book does have some good points to it. For one, the title. It drew me in immediately, because it sounded like a book my bitter, drunk sister would write, and that promised a few good laughs. And I did laugh, sometimes a lot, sometimes barely. Plus, every once in a while, there was a bit of advice that was really dead on and accurate, to the point that I wanted to cut it out and glue it to peoples' faces. The main one that struck a chord with me was that it is ridiculous to have baby showers for ALL of your children. Having recently attended a FOURTH child's baby shower- PREACH IT!
I think that a lot of people will find this book hilarious, and I think that I would have liked it more had it been labelled as a satirical or joke etiquette guide as opposed to a genuine one. But because that's what I was expecting, this book fell far short of what I wanted. There are some good jokes but also a lot of bad advice. Read it for a laugh, but not to become better mannered. Thanks to Netgalley for my copy.
Unfortunately, the advice wasn't very useful. I understand that Celia Rivenbark is a comedic author (and this book made me laugh more than once), but there is very little actual life advice in this "guide"- it's often sacrificed for the sake of getting another joke or jab in. Such as, when she recommends that you put unruly children in the overhead bin of the airplane.
In addition to the obviously (or, I hope at least) satirical advice like mentioned above, some of the more sound advice I completely disagree with. For instance, that if there's something on a menu you don't know how to pronounce, don't order it, because it'll make you sound like a "doofus". As someone who has often attended dinners where people are confused by the menu and amount of silverware, this is nonsense. Order what you want. Also, that you should ALWAYS tip your waiter. I've worked in restaurants, and if a server is god awful, a server is god awful.
She also comes across as pretty rude and judgmental herself throughout this book. Like when she mentions that pregnant women should "get over themselves" and accept people touching their stomachs. How about no? Step off away from my body. She also down talks people with in memorial tattoos, and suggests that all things prepared for a funeral have to be hand made. When you're crying your eyes out, you don't care what food is home made or not. And what about those who mess up even a boxed cake mix? Oh, and then there's the bit where she judges how teens use leet speak, but then uses phrases such as "like" and "OMgod." Add in a few gender/gay jokes and a few cheap shots at Chaz Bono, and that's pretty much the tone of the "advice".
There was another part of this book that bothered me, but it's not the fault of the author. I have this issue with a lot of different books, as I'm sure my readers have noticed by now. Pop culture references do not make your book seem cool, they date it. This book makes reference to things like Jersey Shore and Breaking Bad- things that are already passe. It gives readers, or at least gave me, the sense that this book is already old news.
Now, despite all of the negatives that I've written about above, this book does have some good points to it. For one, the title. It drew me in immediately, because it sounded like a book my bitter, drunk sister would write, and that promised a few good laughs. And I did laugh, sometimes a lot, sometimes barely. Plus, every once in a while, there was a bit of advice that was really dead on and accurate, to the point that I wanted to cut it out and glue it to peoples' faces. The main one that struck a chord with me was that it is ridiculous to have baby showers for ALL of your children. Having recently attended a FOURTH child's baby shower- PREACH IT!
I think that a lot of people will find this book hilarious, and I think that I would have liked it more had it been labelled as a satirical or joke etiquette guide as opposed to a genuine one. But because that's what I was expecting, this book fell far short of what I wanted. There are some good jokes but also a lot of bad advice. Read it for a laugh, but not to become better mannered. Thanks to Netgalley for my copy.
October 20, 2013
Rude Bitches Make Me Tired is columnist and author Celia Rivenbark's seventh book. Though I have never actually heard of her, I couldn't resist the the title as I was desperate for something light and silly to read after a busy, chaotic week.
Rude Bitches Make Me Tired purports to be an etiquette guide for modern dilemmas discussing appropriate, and inappropriate, behaviour in regards to dealing with, amongst other things, funerals, dance mom's, Facebook, PDA's (public displays of affection) and dinner parties. Mixing personal anecdotes with snarky advice, humour tends to take precedence over wisdom. There are many lines that will make you laugh out loud, several that will make you cringe and a few that will have you shaking your head in disbelief at the decline of polite society. Personally though I'm with Rivenbark on thinking it would be 'as funny as hell' to slam a cart into the chatty b*tches blocking the grocery store aisle knocking them sprawling like bowling pins, and that anyone who does not respond to a RSVP is an inconsiderate loser, and worse.
If you are sensitive to profanity then this is not the books for you, but if you need a laugh, and are curious if it is appropriate to email your condolences to a bereaved family, then Ride Bitches Make Me Tired is a quick, amusing read.
October 22, 2013
MY THOUGHTS
LOVED IT
This is one part etiquette book, one part hilarious memoir and all parts funny.
Since Dave Barry isn't writing a regular column anymore, I have been stalking Rivenbark online to catch her columns instead. I have read all of her books and have loved each and every one of them. In her latest collection of essays, she tackles manners and takes them out, yes, just like a football center taking out the quarterback. Seriously, I had to read this one in the bathroom with the door closed and the fan on to muffle my laughing. I suppose that Rivenbark would have something to say about that.
This book is just made of fun. It is one of those books that you can easily read a chapter here and there. Be aware: this book isn't for the person who dislikes a bad word here and there. I think everyone will relate to the Line Jumper, the Teen (otherwise known as PRINCESS) and PDAs - (one word Don't!). The question and answer format will have you thinking that Dear Abby has come back to life. I know her daughter is now writing that column, but she will never be Abby. If you enjoy Dave Barry, Jen Lancaster or Laurie Notaro, you need to catch this author.
LOVED IT
This is one part etiquette book, one part hilarious memoir and all parts funny.
Since Dave Barry isn't writing a regular column anymore, I have been stalking Rivenbark online to catch her columns instead. I have read all of her books and have loved each and every one of them. In her latest collection of essays, she tackles manners and takes them out, yes, just like a football center taking out the quarterback. Seriously, I had to read this one in the bathroom with the door closed and the fan on to muffle my laughing. I suppose that Rivenbark would have something to say about that.
This book is just made of fun. It is one of those books that you can easily read a chapter here and there. Be aware: this book isn't for the person who dislikes a bad word here and there. I think everyone will relate to the Line Jumper, the Teen (otherwise known as PRINCESS) and PDAs - (one word Don't!). The question and answer format will have you thinking that Dear Abby has come back to life. I know her daughter is now writing that column, but she will never be Abby. If you enjoy Dave Barry, Jen Lancaster or Laurie Notaro, you need to catch this author.
October 17, 2013
Note: I was wavering between 2 and 3 stars, but since it made me laugh occasionally, I gave it 2.5 stars and then rounded it up.
I requested for this book on NetGalley because, well, an etiquette book swearing? And not just in the title, this book swears quite frequently throughout, so if you're very sensitive to swearwords, put this book down and back away slowly. The combination of etiquette advice and swearing may give you too big a shock to handle.
Basically, this book is written in a Q&A format, with a short introduction. It covers things like splitting the check, funeral behaviour, dinner party and even getting arrested. It's supposed to teach you about "modern etiquette dilemmas" so, I guess those are relevant topics for today.
Personally, I didn't like the book as much as I expect. Yes, it was fairly funny (though it wasn't funny all the time), but it wasn't useful. I just hope that the 'advice' part of this book was a gimmick because all the things the author reccomended were either things that I take for granted as basic human behavour. But maybe I'm wrong and there are people out there who really don't know basic manners.
As an etiquette book, I didn't find this book very useful. Perhaps it's because Japan is a very polite society, and even in Singapore, we're fairly polite, so whatever her advice is, it's either something that I think is natural or near the border line (for example, if I had guests, I would so pick them up from, and send them to the airport. I'd want them to have a good time. And I wouldn't expect them to help out around the house unless they offered. And if I'm a guest, I'll go out of my way to not be a nuisance - washing plates and whatnot. Most of my friends behave that way too).
On the whole, I give this book credit for being funny sometimes, but it's not very helpful, and if you're looking for funny 'how to' books, may I recommend Guy Browning (who, by the way, wrote a hilarious column on How to be Polite)?
Disclaimer: I got a free copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for a free and honest review.
This review was first posted to Inside the mind of a Bibliophile
I requested for this book on NetGalley because, well, an etiquette book swearing? And not just in the title, this book swears quite frequently throughout, so if you're very sensitive to swearwords, put this book down and back away slowly. The combination of etiquette advice and swearing may give you too big a shock to handle.
Basically, this book is written in a Q&A format, with a short introduction. It covers things like splitting the check, funeral behaviour, dinner party and even getting arrested. It's supposed to teach you about "modern etiquette dilemmas" so, I guess those are relevant topics for today.
Personally, I didn't like the book as much as I expect. Yes, it was fairly funny (though it wasn't funny all the time), but it wasn't useful. I just hope that the 'advice' part of this book was a gimmick because all the things the author reccomended were either things that I take for granted as basic human behavour. But maybe I'm wrong and there are people out there who really don't know basic manners.
As an etiquette book, I didn't find this book very useful. Perhaps it's because Japan is a very polite society, and even in Singapore, we're fairly polite, so whatever her advice is, it's either something that I think is natural or near the border line (for example, if I had guests, I would so pick them up from, and send them to the airport. I'd want them to have a good time. And I wouldn't expect them to help out around the house unless they offered. And if I'm a guest, I'll go out of my way to not be a nuisance - washing plates and whatnot. Most of my friends behave that way too).
On the whole, I give this book credit for being funny sometimes, but it's not very helpful, and if you're looking for funny 'how to' books, may I recommend Guy Browning (who, by the way, wrote a hilarious column on How to be Polite)?
Disclaimer: I got a free copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for a free and honest review.
This review was first posted to Inside the mind of a Bibliophile
October 28, 2013
INITIAL THOUGHTS
Upon approaching reading this I Was hoping for a laugh out loud funny book about etiquette on some very modern day dilemma's as well as some older etiquette issues too.
At 90% - my thoughts were - the book certainly delivers the laughs and cringes as well as the odd OMG I do that! moments. A great light laughter inducing read.
MY REVIEW
I fancied a light hearted read and saw this one on Netgalley, so? I requested it and was lucky enough to receive an e-copy in exchange for my honest review.
So the cover is also on the comedic side and quite attractive. Would I pick it up in a book store? Yes I think I would.
So the book is a great collection of dilemma's and the correct way to handle them. There's everything from how and when you should reply to RSVP's to how to get rid of dinner guests that don't know when it's time to go home!
It really is laugh out loud funny. It took me longer to read the book as the tears flowed down my cheeks as I was laughing so hard. Another reason I took so long in reading the book was the fact that I had my daughter and my mum asking what I was laughing at and had to keep reading out sections to them!
This book is fantastic to dip in and out of, to carry about or read on a long boring journey.
This review looks really short, however, that is not a bad reflection on the book. It's just I do not wish to give away the books brilliant contents.
So did I enjoy the book? I really, really did yes! Would I recommend the book? I highly recommend it. In fact it would be ideal as a gift to someone ill in hospital etc. A definite cheer me up book.Would I read a Bk#2? Definitely! Would I read more books by this Author? I certainly intend to I find her humor infectious and very much in line with my own.
Upon approaching reading this I Was hoping for a laugh out loud funny book about etiquette on some very modern day dilemma's as well as some older etiquette issues too.
At 90% - my thoughts were - the book certainly delivers the laughs and cringes as well as the odd OMG I do that! moments. A great light laughter inducing read.
MY REVIEW
I fancied a light hearted read and saw this one on Netgalley, so? I requested it and was lucky enough to receive an e-copy in exchange for my honest review.
So the cover is also on the comedic side and quite attractive. Would I pick it up in a book store? Yes I think I would.
So the book is a great collection of dilemma's and the correct way to handle them. There's everything from how and when you should reply to RSVP's to how to get rid of dinner guests that don't know when it's time to go home!
It really is laugh out loud funny. It took me longer to read the book as the tears flowed down my cheeks as I was laughing so hard. Another reason I took so long in reading the book was the fact that I had my daughter and my mum asking what I was laughing at and had to keep reading out sections to them!
This book is fantastic to dip in and out of, to carry about or read on a long boring journey.
This review looks really short, however, that is not a bad reflection on the book. It's just I do not wish to give away the books brilliant contents.
So did I enjoy the book? I really, really did yes! Would I recommend the book? I highly recommend it. In fact it would be ideal as a gift to someone ill in hospital etc. A definite cheer me up book.Would I read a Bk#2? Definitely! Would I read more books by this Author? I certainly intend to I find her humor infectious and very much in line with my own.
December 5, 2013
ARC via NetGalley.
I selected this book based entirely on the title (shallow, I know) and thus missed that it was written by Celia Rivenbark whose work I had previously tried and found to be so-so (she's capable of being screamingly funny, but I find that ability is not often sustained for more than a few chapters at a time). I stuck with the book nonetheless because the subtitle identified it as an etiquette book and I have an embarrassing love of both the genre and its queen, Judith Martin (aka Miss Manners).
I found the first few chapters funny (if occasionally unnecessarily scatological in nature) but the etiquette advice ranged wildly from 'correct' and 'useful' to 'appallingly incorrect' and simply 'rude'. By chapter ten I was unsure if Rivenbark was actually attempting to produce an etiquette guide (even a lighthearted one) or simply trying to lampoon the genre. Good advice was often sacrificed for humor (I hope it was an attempt at humor, at least) and an increasing amount of the humor was drawn not from the situation but from Rivenbark's harsh take-downs of her imaginary advice seekers.
There were times when I laughed out loud but longer periods where I didn't. Readers seeking etiquette advice would do better looking elsewhere while those seeking a humorous read should certainly consider going ahead and picking this book up. Those already fans of Rivenbark will almost assuredly enjoy this latest offering (it keeps with Rivenbark's theme of regional, parenting-centric humor), while those who are unfamiliar with her work might want to scan a few chapters (particularly those in the latter half of the book) before they commit to a purchase.
I selected this book based entirely on the title (shallow, I know) and thus missed that it was written by Celia Rivenbark whose work I had previously tried and found to be so-so (she's capable of being screamingly funny, but I find that ability is not often sustained for more than a few chapters at a time). I stuck with the book nonetheless because the subtitle identified it as an etiquette book and I have an embarrassing love of both the genre and its queen, Judith Martin (aka Miss Manners).
I found the first few chapters funny (if occasionally unnecessarily scatological in nature) but the etiquette advice ranged wildly from 'correct' and 'useful' to 'appallingly incorrect' and simply 'rude'. By chapter ten I was unsure if Rivenbark was actually attempting to produce an etiquette guide (even a lighthearted one) or simply trying to lampoon the genre. Good advice was often sacrificed for humor (I hope it was an attempt at humor, at least) and an increasing amount of the humor was drawn not from the situation but from Rivenbark's harsh take-downs of her imaginary advice seekers.
There were times when I laughed out loud but longer periods where I didn't. Readers seeking etiquette advice would do better looking elsewhere while those seeking a humorous read should certainly consider going ahead and picking this book up. Those already fans of Rivenbark will almost assuredly enjoy this latest offering (it keeps with Rivenbark's theme of regional, parenting-centric humor), while those who are unfamiliar with her work might want to scan a few chapters (particularly those in the latter half of the book) before they commit to a purchase.
February 3, 2014
A funny and easy read! While I don't agree with 100% of what she says, I loved the author's sarcastic sense of humor. She said things that I'm often thinking in various situations - driving, grocery shopping, work, etc. If you are fed up with people's general rudeness, you will enjoy this no-holds-barred etiquette lesson!
February 21, 2014
Some chapters cracked me up while others were mildly funny. I didn't always agree with what the author had to say but for the most part she was right on target. This is a very light, easy read and just what you need for an emotional uplift.
June 11, 2013
This...right here? This is the reason I need a new laptop:
"Question: You know that expression "prairie dogging"? I hate it when people pop their heads up over my cubicle instead of just walking around. It's so, I don't know, invasive."
Celia Rivenbark's answer:
"You know that expression "Grow a pair"? I mean what are you doing in your cubicle that's so damn private anyway? Oh, right. Porn. Cubicles are an unfortunate reality of corporate office design, and short of going all Old Spice guy and hoisting a duffel bag over your shoulders and wandering into the mist to look for work on the docks, you're outta luck."
This book should come with a warning! Sensitive electronics don't respond well to being sprayed with a mouthful of diet coke...
If you only read one etiquette book this year (and really, you should read at least one), this is definitely the one you should choose!
"Question: You know that expression "prairie dogging"? I hate it when people pop their heads up over my cubicle instead of just walking around. It's so, I don't know, invasive."
Celia Rivenbark's answer:
"You know that expression "Grow a pair"? I mean what are you doing in your cubicle that's so damn private anyway? Oh, right. Porn. Cubicles are an unfortunate reality of corporate office design, and short of going all Old Spice guy and hoisting a duffel bag over your shoulders and wandering into the mist to look for work on the docks, you're outta luck."
This book should come with a warning! Sensitive electronics don't respond well to being sprayed with a mouthful of diet coke...
If you only read one etiquette book this year (and really, you should read at least one), this is definitely the one you should choose!
November 20, 2013
Not done yet...but man, she makes me laugh. I'm a gal who sometimes lets her "Southern" slip out, and I so relate to her take on things.
Unfortunately, it gets me in trouble when my own little princess gets sent to the principal's for calling another kiddo "trashy". Hmmm....did the shoe fit? Even better, the next day, lil' princess goes BACK to said principal and tried to explain that it simply meant that her BEHAVIOR was "trashy", not that she WAS trash. Priceless.
****
Finished review:
As a "displaced Southerner" I THOROUGHLY enjoyed Ms. Rivenbark's latest offering. I have read several reviews saying that the ettiquette suggestions were not helpful...all I have to say is "Bless your heart." They just don't understand the way we Southerners tick.
From "courtesy flushes" to "muffin tops" and parenting tips for dealing with Southern princesses, Celia covers it all. Kudos, to ya honey!
Unfortunately, it gets me in trouble when my own little princess gets sent to the principal's for calling another kiddo "trashy". Hmmm....did the shoe fit? Even better, the next day, lil' princess goes BACK to said principal and tried to explain that it simply meant that her BEHAVIOR was "trashy", not that she WAS trash. Priceless.
****
Finished review:
As a "displaced Southerner" I THOROUGHLY enjoyed Ms. Rivenbark's latest offering. I have read several reviews saying that the ettiquette suggestions were not helpful...all I have to say is "Bless your heart." They just don't understand the way we Southerners tick.
From "courtesy flushes" to "muffin tops" and parenting tips for dealing with Southern princesses, Celia covers it all. Kudos, to ya honey!
May 14, 2014
I believe this is the first time I've been completely turned off by a book in its foreword. The author very clearly told me that I was not her intended audience on page xii. (The fact that the contents page -- at least in this version -- gets the page number for that foreword wrong notwithstanding.)
"What does this etiquette book have that others don't?
In a word, you. You the exhausted, overworked, undervalued mommy."
Clearly, I didn't realize that only mommies, exhausted, overworked and otherwise, were the only ones dealing with modern etiquette problems, or people who might want to approach them with humor.
Silly me.
I soldiered on anyway, being an intrepid non-mom, and got three pages in to Chapter 1 before I closed the book and put it in the stack to go back to the library.
I guess I should have listened when she told me the book wasn't for me. Lesson learned.
"What does this etiquette book have that others don't?
In a word, you. You the exhausted, overworked, undervalued mommy."
Clearly, I didn't realize that only mommies, exhausted, overworked and otherwise, were the only ones dealing with modern etiquette problems, or people who might want to approach them with humor.
Silly me.
I soldiered on anyway, being an intrepid non-mom, and got three pages in to Chapter 1 before I closed the book and put it in the stack to go back to the library.
I guess I should have listened when she told me the book wasn't for me. Lesson learned.
January 13, 2014
The other reviewers pretty well covered it. I was excited for a modern take on basic etiquette but this book didn't really teach me anything. Sometimes she was very funny, but over all I was disappointed.
December 21, 2015
I like Celia's humor but not crazy about the Q/A format.
May 5, 2020
The comic relief I needed after reading management books for work.
November 5, 2013
Ladies and gentlemen, if you are looking for answers to your etiquette questions, and you want someone to just give it to you straight, look no further than Rude Bitches Make Me Tired by Celia Rivenbark. I'll admit I did enjoy reading You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl, but some of her other books were just ho-hum for me. Her honesty is refreshing, but her humor can be crass. My advice is, "lighten up people!" Then you'll be able to enjoy this book for what it is, a book about the do's and don'ts in life.
For example:
Chapter 5: Gym Etiquette or, "pardon me, but is this your ass sweat?"
What to do about the lurker? You know, the one who waits right next to your gym equipment waiting for you to be done with your machine? You know you always want to tell them to buzz off, but is it their fault you take so long in between sets? Celia says, switch it up. Move on, and quit thinking you have a stalker-you don't.
I used to teach spinning at the gym, and if there are any classes where faux pas occur, it would be in this class. Talk about ass sweat. Yuck! It always annoyed the heck out of me when people would listen to their iPods during class, and completely do their own thing. I mean, why even come to the class, hog a spot someone else wanted, and then act like an ass by listening to your iPod? Rude! I also taught Pilates, which really equated to only flatulence being the problem. I never had cell phone chatters as described in the book. Thank goodness. There is always a silver lining. Always!
Chapter 8: Husbands and Wives: He may not be much, but he's YOUR tube sock filled with gravy.
You should be your spouse's greatest champion. Quit telling him he is a slob, and nagging at him for every little thing.
Duly noted. Will do. I'm a work-in-progress people.
My overall thoughts on this book is that there is potential for a lot of laughs, and you just need to take it with a grain of salt. Just laugh, and enjoy life. It's great advice for all of us. We could all lighten up a bit.
For example:
Chapter 5: Gym Etiquette or, "pardon me, but is this your ass sweat?"
What to do about the lurker? You know, the one who waits right next to your gym equipment waiting for you to be done with your machine? You know you always want to tell them to buzz off, but is it their fault you take so long in between sets? Celia says, switch it up. Move on, and quit thinking you have a stalker-you don't.
I used to teach spinning at the gym, and if there are any classes where faux pas occur, it would be in this class. Talk about ass sweat. Yuck! It always annoyed the heck out of me when people would listen to their iPods during class, and completely do their own thing. I mean, why even come to the class, hog a spot someone else wanted, and then act like an ass by listening to your iPod? Rude! I also taught Pilates, which really equated to only flatulence being the problem. I never had cell phone chatters as described in the book. Thank goodness. There is always a silver lining. Always!
Chapter 8: Husbands and Wives: He may not be much, but he's YOUR tube sock filled with gravy.
You should be your spouse's greatest champion. Quit telling him he is a slob, and nagging at him for every little thing.
Duly noted. Will do. I'm a work-in-progress people.
My overall thoughts on this book is that there is potential for a lot of laughs, and you just need to take it with a grain of salt. Just laugh, and enjoy life. It's great advice for all of us. We could all lighten up a bit.
November 8, 2013
"It's just that when you witness such acute douchery up close and personal, it shakes you to the core." ~ pg. 65
In true Celia Rivenbark fashion, this is not your regular etiquette book. The author makes it clear in the Foreword that this book does not cover traditional etiquette tips like using the right fork or saying please and thank you. Instead it covers office manners, how to deal with rude drivers and courtesy flushes. It is more like a keep-it-real-without-being-fucking-rude book. The questions in each chapter were gathered from informal interviews with friends, colleagues and strangers.
Celia Rivenbark's books are always so entertaining. The title alone caught my interest. Before diving into the chapters, I asked myself which bad behavior bugs me most. Then scanned the chapter titles and knew this was going to be a funny informative read. How could you not be interested in reading chapters with these titles:
Gym Etiquette: Or "Pardon Me, But Is This Your Ass Sweat?"
Baby Steps: Is She Pregnant or Is That a Booze-Inflated Liver? Hint: Don't Ask!
Road Sage: Accept the Things You Cannot Change, Like Idiot Drivers
Rude Bitches Make Me Tired is a quick funny read. You will be entertained. You will laugh out loud. You may even use some of the etiquette tips. Dare I say that you may be a rude bitch. **gasp** I learned etiquette as a young girl but the subjects in this book are helpful to me as an adult. Because of this book, I already know how I'm going to address the next check-splitting situation. It is recommended you read Rude Bitches Make Me Tired. It is full of teachable-ass moments. Don't be rude; learn etiquette for the real world.
Literary Marie of Precision Reviews
In true Celia Rivenbark fashion, this is not your regular etiquette book. The author makes it clear in the Foreword that this book does not cover traditional etiquette tips like using the right fork or saying please and thank you. Instead it covers office manners, how to deal with rude drivers and courtesy flushes. It is more like a keep-it-real-without-being-fucking-rude book. The questions in each chapter were gathered from informal interviews with friends, colleagues and strangers.
Celia Rivenbark's books are always so entertaining. The title alone caught my interest. Before diving into the chapters, I asked myself which bad behavior bugs me most. Then scanned the chapter titles and knew this was going to be a funny informative read. How could you not be interested in reading chapters with these titles:
Gym Etiquette: Or "Pardon Me, But Is This Your Ass Sweat?"
Baby Steps: Is She Pregnant or Is That a Booze-Inflated Liver? Hint: Don't Ask!
Road Sage: Accept the Things You Cannot Change, Like Idiot Drivers
Rude Bitches Make Me Tired is a quick funny read. You will be entertained. You will laugh out loud. You may even use some of the etiquette tips. Dare I say that you may be a rude bitch. **gasp** I learned etiquette as a young girl but the subjects in this book are helpful to me as an adult. Because of this book, I already know how I'm going to address the next check-splitting situation. It is recommended you read Rude Bitches Make Me Tired. It is full of teachable-ass moments. Don't be rude; learn etiquette for the real world.
Literary Marie of Precision Reviews
February 4, 2014
This was not one of Rivenbark's better books. I'm not sure she's very good at giving advice but some of her etiquette suggestions were hilarious when paired with personal stories. The chapter on grocery stores and driving were excellent. I don't enjoy all the political comments. This wasn't really part of her earlier book formula and they were better for it. She spends a few pages just talking about what good manners Obama has. Good manners does not a good president make and since when did arrogance equate to good manners? It really just means you're an asshat (to use one of Rivenbark's favorite terms). Anyway, I did laugh out loud several times which is why I'm giving this 4 stars instead of 3.
October 28, 2019
Some of the book was funny, i am not easily offended- yet I found a few things in this book really pushing it (mainly: you’re an asshole if you cant look people in the eyes....🙄, A LOT of people get nervous looking people in the eye it can be apart of a disorder (like Autism) or from suffering with trauma). This was easy to read, it is questions and answers on how to deal with rude people, obviously none of the “advice” given should you actually do. Nothing in this book really had me hooked. Nothing in this book had me thinking this was hilarious, and its not a book I would pick up again- but a few parts in it were relatable.
September 15, 2013
With a title like "Rude Bitches Make Me Tired," how could you not want to read this book? I haven't read any of Rivenbark's other books, but after reading this one, I want to. Those book is full of advice and tips about the proper etiquette in a variety of situations from social media to dinner parties to motherhood that will be sure to make you laugh out loud.
Part personal anecdotes, part advice column, this book is 100% hilarious. Rivenbark's snark is entertaining, but the book is also worthwhile for its advice, which can help you navigate a series of tricky social situations.
Part personal anecdotes, part advice column, this book is 100% hilarious. Rivenbark's snark is entertaining, but the book is also worthwhile for its advice, which can help you navigate a series of tricky social situations.
October 27, 2013
Oh Ms. Celia, you always make me laugh! What a wonderful and quick read; the book had me chuckling and snorting, giggling and laughing out loud, hons. Celia Rivenbark's answers to modern etiquette dilemmas are great advice; I, for one, find it entirely reasonable to follow the guy who cut you off while texting and driving home and beat him upside the head with a baseball bat. He was acting ugly, after all!
July 16, 2016
A quick, humorous read! To be honest, I have never even contemplated many of the modern etiquette dilemmas in this book. However, that didn't matter! Celia's responses were hilarious and many of the questions themselves were incredibly odd... you never knew what was going to be said on the next page. Definitely a laugh worthy read for those who are fans of Jen Lancaster, Laurie Notaro, etc.
June 29, 2014
Laugh out loud funny snarkiness.
November 5, 2013
Not as funny as I hoped, but I might be overly harsh in my judgement due to just having read Hyperbole and A Half.
October 15, 2014
FUNNY. Think lady David Sedaris, but drunk and doling out advice.
January 23, 2015
This book gave me several giggles but didn't have the constructive etiquette do's and don'ts I was hoping for. Good for a quick read and a reminder of the importance of manners.
April 4, 2021
The title alone called to something in my soul. The book is a no-holds-barred, rip-roaring guide to modern etiquette written by endlessly witty Southern author, Celia Rivenbark.
I loved her use of strong language, which is peppered throughout the text. She doesn’t mince words, which goes a long way with me, and she has genuinely good advice for all kinds of modern problems, from bathroom etiquette to the dangers of talking politics at family events.
The narrative takes the form of anecdotes, whip-smart examples and questions from the uncertain. For example, this response to a teetotal couple who go out to dinner with a pair of other couples (who drink expensive wines) and always get stuck with a third of the bill, despite only ordering chicken cutlets and drinking water only.
“First of all, let the record show that your couple-friends are assholes. Just because you share a driveway with someone doesn’t mean that they should be your dinner companions. And, not to put too fine a point on this, but you and your husband sound like you’d be happier with your own kind. I mean, who the hell goes out to eat and orders a chicken cutlet and water on a Sadday (sic) night? I mean besides Garrison Keillor. For Christ’s sake, it’s Saturday night. Live a little - get the osso bucco. Look it up.
“I’m sorry. I don’t for an instant mean to imply that just because you don’t drink, you’re no fun. I just want to come right out and say it: You’re No Fun.
“Assuming that you really do want to continue this pitiful dinner charade for your own weird reasons (swapping, perhaps?) I will answer your question.
“You’re going to have to speak up. Yes! Crazy and radical, I know! You’re going to actually have to form the sentence in your empty noggin, feel the words in your mouth, and then hear them hang on the air.
“Here’s what you say:
“ ‘Roscoe and I didn’t have wine, so y’all can split that and leave us out of it.’
“Man, oh man, how I’d love to be a fly on the wall when that happens. Sorry. I was assuming this was a Denny’s, but then I remembered the ‘fine wine’ thing.
“Their jaws will drop and they’ll be shocked that, after many months of sticking you with a third of the fancy wine you didn’t drink, the metaphorical scales have dropped from your eyes. Crappidy-doo-dah. Game over.”
pages 3-4, Chapter One - Check-Splitting: Who Had The Gorgonzola Crumbles and Should We Really Care?, Rude Bitches Make Me Tired by Celia Rivenbark
Read, devoured, loved.
I loved her use of strong language, which is peppered throughout the text. She doesn’t mince words, which goes a long way with me, and she has genuinely good advice for all kinds of modern problems, from bathroom etiquette to the dangers of talking politics at family events.
The narrative takes the form of anecdotes, whip-smart examples and questions from the uncertain. For example, this response to a teetotal couple who go out to dinner with a pair of other couples (who drink expensive wines) and always get stuck with a third of the bill, despite only ordering chicken cutlets and drinking water only.
“First of all, let the record show that your couple-friends are assholes. Just because you share a driveway with someone doesn’t mean that they should be your dinner companions. And, not to put too fine a point on this, but you and your husband sound like you’d be happier with your own kind. I mean, who the hell goes out to eat and orders a chicken cutlet and water on a Sadday (sic) night? I mean besides Garrison Keillor. For Christ’s sake, it’s Saturday night. Live a little - get the osso bucco. Look it up.
“I’m sorry. I don’t for an instant mean to imply that just because you don’t drink, you’re no fun. I just want to come right out and say it: You’re No Fun.
“Assuming that you really do want to continue this pitiful dinner charade for your own weird reasons (swapping, perhaps?) I will answer your question.
“You’re going to have to speak up. Yes! Crazy and radical, I know! You’re going to actually have to form the sentence in your empty noggin, feel the words in your mouth, and then hear them hang on the air.
“Here’s what you say:
“ ‘Roscoe and I didn’t have wine, so y’all can split that and leave us out of it.’
“Man, oh man, how I’d love to be a fly on the wall when that happens. Sorry. I was assuming this was a Denny’s, but then I remembered the ‘fine wine’ thing.
“Their jaws will drop and they’ll be shocked that, after many months of sticking you with a third of the fancy wine you didn’t drink, the metaphorical scales have dropped from your eyes. Crappidy-doo-dah. Game over.”
pages 3-4, Chapter One - Check-Splitting: Who Had The Gorgonzola Crumbles and Should We Really Care?, Rude Bitches Make Me Tired by Celia Rivenbark
Read, devoured, loved.
February 15, 2021
Is this self-important, hypocritical, hateful book what passes as humour and wit in the South? While I found a couple passages funny and relatable - the chapters on airports and grocery stores - most of the book had me wanting to tear my hair out. Rivenbark attacks her own readers, making fun of them when their patronage is what keeps her crap published in the first place. She tells people to "get over themselves" and "nut up," while she hides behind the safety of her keyboard and white privilege. She accuses people of using stereotypes and misogyny, when all her books have a thick undertone of racism, homophobia, and self-righteousness. You can see this in sections where she talks about sweet talking the police out of a ticket she probably deserved (If she had been a woman of colour, does she honestly think this would work? That section really bothered me) and tells pregnant women they just need to deal with people touching them and being nosy. The take away: women are not in control of their own bodies, and if you are pulled over by police, it's obviously just a misunderstanding you can get yourself out of by being polite. She also believes that ESL speakers should always speak English with other people around. Oh, you want to converse privately with your own family in your own language? Better not, this is America and the white people will get offended. Rivenbark wants you to think she's just an average woman, but then she talks about how she only texts her gardener, her handyman, and her CLEANING LADY because they're the help. I can't believe I finished this book. I guess I hoped she would redeem herself. But the author has only proved to me that anything written by a privileged white woman can be published if she coats it in enough Republican American ideals.
January 12, 2018
Picked up this book because I was looking for something light and funny. Maybe I was expecting too much but it really wasn't as great as I had hoped. There were times that I chuckled, times were I rolled my eyes, and times when I asked out loud "Really??". It is sad to see how manners tend to be put on the backburner. One of my pet peeves is rudeness. So I was hoping for humor but at the same time, setting the manners straight. Throughout the book the questions were occasionally answered like this. Other times, they weren't even answered at all. You would get "I can't help you" or she would run on a tangent about herself. It definitely wasn't a horrible book but wasn't that great either.
January 12, 2021
This is my first book by this author. I accidentally happened on a few of her book titles which initially sucked me as they are hilarious. This was exactly what I expected and hoped for. She is truly hilarious in a sarcastic way that I appreciate. I almost think she could be even a little worse or more crass and I would appreciate her more. I'm going to read more of her books to see if maybe since this was deemed her "etiquette" book she was keeping it a little nicer. I'm totally excited for her other books and would recommend this book.
March 27, 2023
I gave this book 3 stars solely based on the fact that it is funny. I love her humor and her profanity isn’t over the top. But, I really don’t care for people’s political opinions, especially while using it as an example for good etiquette. If that’s even what this book is really about, or just her opinions of what “good etiquette” can be. What I did learn, is that Celia Rivenbark clearly does not like Kim Kardashian. 🤣
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