Baby Meets World: Suck, Smile, Touch, Toddle: A Journey Through Infancy

by Nicholas Day

A dynamic new story about how babies make their way in the world—and how grown-ups have tried to make sense of these tiny inscrutable beings.

As a new parent, Nicholas Day had some basic but confounding questions: Why does my son find the straitjacket of his swaddling blanket comforting and not terrifying? How can he never meet a developmental norm and still be OK? And when will he stop sucking my finger? So he went digging for answers. They were not what he expected.

Drawing on a wealth of perspectives—scientific, historical, cross-cultural, personal—Baby Meets World is organized around the mundane activities that dominate the life of an infant: sucking, smiling, touching, toddling. From these everyday activities, Day weaves together an account that is anything but ordinary: a fresh, surprising story, both weird and wondrous, about our first experience of the world.

Part hidden history of parenthood, part secret lives of babies, Baby Meets World steps back from the moment-to-moment chaos of babydom. It allows readers to see infancy anew in all its strangeness and splendor.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Science, History, Childrens, Adult, Psychology

368 pages, Paperback

First published April 2, 2013

About the author

Nicholas Day is the author of The Mona Lisa Vanishes, illustrated by Brett Helquist, winner of the Robert F. Sibert Award and the Boston Globe-Horn Book Award for nonfiction; A World Without Summer, illustrated by Yas Imamura; and Nothing: John Cage and 4’33”, illustrated by Chris Raschka. For adults, he’s the author of Baby Meets World, a work about the science and history of infancy, which Mary Roach called “a perfect book.” He lives in Northampton, Massachusetts, with his family.

Reviews

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nicholas Day won my heart in an article for Slate in which he gave the best description of modern parenthood in America that I've ever seen. He had just detailed an endless list of minor suggestions from experts, which compound into an impossible to-do list for parents who already despair of minor things such as keeping their child even moderately clean ("please, sweetie, let me get the sweet potato out of your eyebrow, no, don't hit me, just stay still, I've almost got it, Mother of God how did you get that in your ear?"), let alone following an exhaustive list that nonetheless must be followed perfectly or your kid will be a socially stunted Neanderthal. Each expert chirped "But why not do [seemingly minor yet insurmountable task]?" Day followed up wryly. "But why not worry, when you can worry?"

So I was on board for his book (which, of course, is the point of writing articles for Slate. And he didn't let me down.

This is a wonderful mix of cutting edge research--behavioral analysis, brain scans, what sounds like the most hilarious obstacle course for toddlers ever--and historical perspective. So he tells us what experts believe now about how babies develop, but also the fact that they believed pretty much the exact opposite twenty years ago, and a different thing a generation before that, and before that, and oh my god I'm so glad I wasn't a parent in the 30s. Pacifiers are currently looked at in horror by most of Williamsburg, thumb sucking was thought to lead to masturbation and brutishness, crawling meant that your child was bestial and would never be a civilized, literally upstanding adult unless swiftly corrected. One should never, ever pick up a baby and touch it as much as possible; one should never, ever put a baby down even for a second.

He also addresses child-raising in different countries. Cameroon and German mothers are shown videos of each others' parenting techniques; each are horrified and convinced the other mothers are abusing their babies. (Somehow, the babies in both countries grow up just fine.)

Basically, his point is that most of child-raising theories and much of our understanding of how babies develop is intensely cultural. As long as kids aren't intensely abused, they tend to be incredibly resilient. Since humanity has yet to produce a generation in which the entire adult population continued crawling about on all fours, sucking thumbs and whacking off, unable to understand the concept of love, it's pretty certain that any strong declaration of How One Must Parent Or Else is probably wrong.

Throughout, he writes with a wry sense of humor that still does not overshadow genuine awe at these tiny creatures in our care. We get a number of genuinely cute anecdotes about his son Isaiah, and their adventures as Daddy does his research.

So overall, we end up with a book that's fascinating, funny, and strangely reassuring.

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

This pop-science/pop-psych book was great fun to read, especially since my own daughter was starting to do all these things as I made my way through the chapters (one memorable moment was when she successfully reached for and tore the page where Day was discussing the complexity of infants learning to reach).

Provides healthy and humorous perspective on all the (often conflicting) DOs and DO NOTs that can inundate new parents. My only complaints: His jokes were unnecessarily vulgar at times, and sometimes the child psychology summaries got a little thick for me.

Overall a great read, especially for a new or expecting parent!

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

We need to talk about cover design. Because my oh my is this book brilliant, and my oh my does the cover sell it short. The number of times I had to clarify that I am ‘Definitely, Definitely Not Pregnant’ thanks to its bland, hygienic-white front leaf emblazoned with a beaming baby. The baby pic is even from Shutterstock! You could not get more generic. And so hundreds of parents-to-be are going to pick this up expecting a developmental, sanitised guide to DIY infant, with all the basic info and measured tone they need for hours of obliterated sleep cycles. And hundreds of parents-not-to-be, like me, will miss out on this witty, intelligent, paradigm-prodding book about what makes us human because they think it’s an NHS postnatal manual. Give it a quirky cover - it’s quirky! Give a sciency cover - it’s sciency! Give it a philosophical cover, because it’s deeply, deeply philosophical. The books traces key infant activities - sucking, smiling, touching and toddling - and unpacks how each has been culturally constructed across the globe for millennia. What we thought were natural, innately predetermined functions are actually shaped by environment to the extent that babies born in different times and different places can be encouraged to do completely opposite things - and still turn out healthy. This variation reveals more about the adults than it does the babies - what they think a human is and should be. And, if that’s all too abstract for you, you’re left furnished with a bunch of practical advice like ‘don’t freak out if she doesn’t crawl before standing; some babies don’t.’ Great book, catastrophic cover.

[Dani · Rating 3 out of 5]

The basic idea for the book is that parenting choices go in and out of style and that culture affects it too. This is a good lesson. In our modern age, we have so much information, but what is right or wrong for us? Some good research, famous studies and anthropology presented.

I liked the parts about how people raised their children hundreds of years ago. Absurd nonsense like baby helmets, thinking that colostrum was toxic, baby formula and dry cow teet nipples from the Middle Ages. This could have been an entire book itself: medical nonsense for babies from the dark ages!

Sometimes funny, interesting, sometimes dry and rambling. The author is a magazine writer and the reading level shows it. I didn't look at the works cited section but it pleased me that it was so well documented. This guy did a ton of research.

[Claire · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the first book I have read that is all about babies. I have read books about pregnancy and books about birth but nothing yet about babies. I have been taking things one step at a time. My baby will arrive in the world in around two months so I had better start getting a clue about what life will be like when he does.

The subtitle of this book is “Suck, Smile, Touch, Toddle” and he tackles each subheading in its own section. This book is not a childcare guide, do not expect a handbook on how to raise your child. It is, however, a highly entertaining, well-written and wonderfully researched introduction to these creatures, and just perfect for me. Until very recently I have had no interest in babies whatsoever so this has been a very good starting point.

It appears that Day is a freelance writer and blogger and stay at home dad. I must also assume that on arrival of his son he became a voracious reader and wanted to share all the knowledge he had gained. He tells us many things about the past and present methods of child-rearing all around the world. Many cultures have used various methods over the generations and, on the whole, most of the people turned out OK. Day tells us about these various methods and then explains the current scientific thinking around many of them. He then leaves you to make your own judgement.

Day tackles all the important stuff, such as breast feeding, thumb-sucking, dummies (or pacifiers to the Americans), engagement, communication, touch, walking and the various stages that lead up to it. Reading this book has made the whole idea of parenthood a tiny bit less terrifying, and for that I would certainly recommend it to anyone considering having a baby living with them for any length of time in the near future.

click here to read the rest of my reviews

[Max Nussenbaum · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was pointed to this book by my favorite book review newsletter, and found it to be by far my favorite of the baby books I've read, since it doesn't provide any advice or tell you to do anything in a specific way. Instead, it's just a tour of various baby-raising practices throughout different times and cultures. The main takeaway: there are all kinds of different ways to raise babies, many of which seem pretty crazy, and yet by and large the kids turn out fine no matter what you do. A good lesson in chilling out.

[Mike Cheng · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun and enlightening read about newborns, discussed in four categories: suck, smile, touch, and toddle (turning over, crawling, standing, etc.). More specifically the book summarizes various ancient and modern societies’ searches for explanations regarding what would normally be considered mundane behaviors. For example, thumbsucking was once misread by many as something deviant in spite of the fact that this self-soothing response is nearly universal across cultures. Another interesting one was about swaddling - initially a longstanding practice followed by a period of vilification (because it supposedly “suppressed the free will of the child” and impaired motor development) yet now en vogue again thanks in part to doctors such as Harvey Karp. Best part of this book for me was about the potential benefits of the kangaroo method aka skin-to-skin contact: the San Juan de Dios hospital provided postnatal care to premature babies which previously observed a 70% mortality rate until Dr. Edgar Rey Sanabria tried something strange (at the time) by instructing mothers to hold their premature infants to their bare chests every hour of the day and night, resulting in infants having far fewer infections and a far better survival rate (30% mortality); today’s randomized trials replicate Dr. Sanabria’s results, moreover, babies put on more weight and their cognitive development speeds up. The overall takeaway from this book isn’t the importance of breast milk, swaddling, skin-to-skin, etc.; rather, it is to not take for granted that the “science” on anything is settled but instead accept that a lot of what we are taught to be essential to infants are in fact cultural fictions - perhaps told to provide an explanation to placate apprehensive parents.

[Suzanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this when my child was around 7 weeks old and I was absolutely convinced I was doing EVERYTHING wrong. This was such a refreshing antidote to the many prescriptive parenting books warning that if you don't get the early months right your child was doomed to a life of destitution, dissipation, and state school. It was comforting, as a new parent, to read about the many ways children have been raised and survived and thrived. I mean, if generations of babies were fed a mixture that included rotten fish and did fine, my muddling probably wasn't going to do any lasting harm.

This is still the book I recommend for new parents.

[Bryan Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really needed this book because I can be so neurotic and I focus on everything that goes wrong instead of enjoying life. Now with a 100-day old baby, I'm enjoying every step instead of fretting over things to the extent that I did. Yes I'm thinking about the best kindergartens, doing exercises and developmental activities but from the point of enjoying it vs the ”will my child survive if I don't ” ;)

Also the writer is hilarious and eloquent at times and I would read anything he will write from now on :)

[Holly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a delightful read, but also an important one, as it explores the rich diversity of ways humans have and continue to care for babies, across time, geography, and culture. As I read this several years ago when my son was a newborn, it was incredibly reassuring to realize there is no 'one true way of parenting.'

[Kaitlyn Federwitz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book so fascinating to read, particularly because I currently have a 4 month old, and it gave me so much new insight into infant development. His writing style was really easy and fun to read and I enjoyed this book. The only part I found weaker and harder to get into was the conclusion.

[Nico · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this because someone on Reddit mentioned that all parents should read it. I'm not a parent and don't plan to be one, just didn't want to be left out I guess. Either way I really enjoyed this read, very fun. Babies are pretty amazing.

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author presents several interesting anecdotes and research on infant development, but the book overall was slow to read.

[C · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a perfectly interesting book, I just feel I would have enjoyed it more before the baby was born.

[Deena · Rating 5 out of 5]

A reassuring book demonstrating how no one really knows how to perfectly raise babies, and that for the most part, they turn out OK anyway.

[Yana · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5

[Kate Gold · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the only “parenting” book I actually read before giving birth, and it’s really not a parenting advice book at all. The author was so enthralled with his own experience with a newborn that he decided to research how we as a society have taken care of babies for the last several hundred years and show that there’s always been some crazy trend or weird thing parents think they need to be doing, and there always will be... https://katieboe.wordpress.com/2019/1...

[B. Rule · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book, but I was initially going to rate it much lower. The problem is that, near the beginning of the book, the author makes some claims about various churches' positions on breastfeeding that, as far as I can tell, are totally unsourced and very likely wrong. At the very least, he seems tone-deaf to religious issues. It gave me pause and made me doubt everything else he said.

Then, the middle section of the book picked up speed and was a great, informative and funny account of various infant behaviors and studies of infant behaviors. But then near the very end, he tries to address religious issues again, and his clumsy attempts fall flat. It took me out of the narrative and made me stop and think, "has this guy been blowing smoke the whole time?" If those two passages were excised, it would be a great read. With them included, it shows the author's limits of knowledge. I went ahead and gave him the benefit of the doubt and based my rating on the parts where he actually seemed to know a little bit about what he's talking about.

The basic thesis is that cultural understandings of infant behavior and child-rearing change over time and are far more plastic than we realize, while being tied to basic biological drives. It's written in a lightly arch tone and includes various interludes where the author describes his own experiences with his young child. Mostly, it's a chatty account of various experiments in infant cognition and locomotion. It's not a child-rearing manual but serves as a great counterpoint to so many books that tell you what you MUST do. Recommended.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent, readable exploration into the history and science of child rearing. Organized by four stages of infant development (sucking, smiling, touching, toddling), this looks at how parents and experts have thought about raising children over time, particularly in the areas where opinion has shifted radically (e.g., sucking should be discouraged / sucking is natural and necessary, babies should never be touched / babies should always be touched). This book will not tell you how to raise your child, but it will reassure you that there are very few "wrong" ways to care for a baby — much of it depends on what you and your particular culture emphasize as important. Anytime Day started to veer into potentially prescriptive territory (this is what the latest science says about what to do), he would temper it with a reminder about how little we actually know, how expert opinion continues to shift over time, and how resilient babies are no matter which cultural practices they're subjected to. I especially appreciated the section on developmental milestones and how little stock we should put in them. This book was fascinating, reassuring, and quite often funny as well. Highly recommended.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Now that I have one of my own, babies fascinate me. Everything about them is a complete mystery - from their sleep habits to their potty habits. Sure, you can read a thousand books that aim to tell you how to get your baby to sleep, and how to make sense of the myriad of colours and textures that fill their diaper, but no other book attempts to make sense of a baby’s world from his or her perspective. I thoroughly enjoyed reading Day’s account of what it’s like to be a baby and why the things that seem downright foreign to us (swaddling, pacifiers, toe sucking - just to name a few) come so naturally to babies. I will admit that some parts on the history of how we raise children made me squirm - and not in a good way. My new mama hormones really couldn’t handle some of the more cruel ways we treated our infants throughout history. But the book is meticulously well researched, and written in an approachable, conversational tone. If you’re looking for something other than a typical parenting tome, and you want a new perspective on why babies do the things they do, this could be the book for you.

[Emilia P · Rating 3 out of 5]

Popular science/cultural anthropology ala Mary Roach, which hey, awesome! I really enjoyed it, as a parent with a kid somewhere between touch and toddle, and honestly, I found it fascinating, but then I would go to tell my newly learned anecdote to someone else and they'd say oh yeah? What's your source? How is that so impressive or strange or weird? And I'd say ummmm ... so it's either my storytelling ability or Day's documentary prowess -- I think this could have been more crisply edited and more bursting with trivia and tidbits at the same time. It feels like a first effort, but still does a pretty good job showing how un-Gospel most of the things we take as parenting gospel are -- pacifiers, giving babies attention or leaving them to their own devices, swaddling, breast vs. bottle, even the fact that crawling is not a biological necessity... the whole bit on wet nursing and predecessors to formula (pap=water+ flour, fed to baby till they barfed, fed again until they couldn't eat anymore, only then was the baby full). It's amazing what babies have survived, man.

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's difficult to categorize this book - it's not an advice book, it's not a definitive guide to all things about baby. The author takes us on a journey through infancy that is humorous and interesting and informative. Nicholas Day delves into the most elemental of impulses and reflexes in a new baby - for instance why they need to suck. He wrote "..a newborn is a body led around by a mouth." He also discusses the pacifier conundrum - why some parents hate them and why others couldn't live without them. He discusses what makes a baby smile, and when. He describes how a baby's sense of touch develops, and finally learning to toddle/walk.

This book represents more than just the opinions of one dad. At 356 pages, including a long list of references and an index, this is a thoroughly researched work, written in a humorous and approachable manner. Whether you're about to be parents, or already parents, or even grandparents who think they already know about babies, there is interesting and compelling information here

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you're looking for someone to tell you how to raise your kid, this isn't the book for you. If you're looking for someone to reassure you that however you raise your kid it'll likely turn out fine, then read on. What so many parenting books miss is cultural perspective- the sense that what seems obvious and right to a parent in the US would seem backward and wrong to a parent raising a child in another culture. Day reminds us of that in a deft and humorous way. If you're looking for someone to validate your parenting choices, go find Ferber or Brazelton. If you want someone to remind you that your grand parenting theories don't amoun to a hill of beans in this crazy world, Day is your man.

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an engaging book in the style of early Michael Pollan exploring four key things that infants do, from their instinct to suck which begins in the womb, to the many ways they try and fail to move before finally mastering walking. The author weaves in his own experiences with his infant son, which got him interested in the topic, and shows how "experts" from every time period and culture have recommended wildly different approaches to caring for babies. There's a lot of fascinating stuff here, and I wish he'd gone deeper - the book didn't feel as rigorous as I like my popular science, and he sometimes made generalizations that made me arch my eyebrows. Still, this is a quick, enjoyable read that puts a lot of things parents worry about into perspective.

(And no, I'm not pregnant.)

[Ross · Rating 5 out of 5]

Seriously, a great read. Lots of fun and scary historical facts infused with modern thought on how adults have viewed babies.

Definitely not a "How-to" parenting guide, but Nicholas Day does a fantastic job reminding parents that babies are just babies and humans have been around for thousands of years, so really - becoming a parent is tough but don't sweat it, you'll get through it. Don't take things too seriously as a parent. You could be descended from a goat milk fed ancestor. Hey if they survived, your parenting skills are probably sufficient... probably.

Fun to read now goes on my list of books for expectant dads to read (good for moms, too). So far, there are only two of those.

Really loved it.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

This should be required reading to keep new parents from freaking out. This book isn't a how-to, it's a cultural, historical and scientific overview interjected with the author's personal experience. Its underlying message is to not panic. The range of acceptable parenting practices is wide, and it's hard to screw up a baby. The book has an enjoyable and sometimes comic tone. I learned a lot about why we do the things we do and think about parenting the way we do. I hope he follows up with how cultures express their values through their parenting priorities.

[Tyler · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book is a history of baby-raising practices throughout the ages. But it is also part essay/memoir on the author's recent baby raising experience. It is not a "how" to parent. After you see all the past mistakes made laid out here, you should quickly grasp that babies will be fine(besides in extreme isolation). The author is a new father and it is nice to hear what he has to say about the process. I don't see how anyone can see the author as preachy. There are metric ton of sources in the back as well so he is not just making up facts or stories.

[Mereke · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a fresh perspective on babies: instead of telling you "how to" with your baby the author did the research to show baby advice historically and how it's changed over time from a scientific perspective and also shows you what current research knows about baby perception and development as of now. I wish I had read this when my kids were babies, but I still found it fascinating and even passed it on to our sage pediatrician just because I thought it was totally out of the ordinary for most baby advice books on the market.

[sparklemaia · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good mix of memoir, science, and history, all told with a humorous, engaging voice. I would recommend this book to anyone with even a passing interest in nonfiction, even if they're not in the early childhood education field. The overall message of the book is reassurance: humans have been raising babies for thousands of years all over the world with totally different practices and beliefs, and (at least a portion of) the kids have survived into adulthood relatively unscathed. Binky or no binky, training them to walk or just letting them figure it out, it's gonna be okay.

[Kristi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. I was laughing out loud at some of the hilarious beliefs people have had about babies and how to best raise them. Reading all the different ways that babies have been raised throughout the world and throughout history was very interesting. His main point being that babies are pretty resilient and are fine with whatever crazy things we believe are "best". Outside of physical or emotional abuse obviously, babies can learn and grow in many different styles. A great read.