Contact: The First Four Minutes

by Leonard Zunin

In four minutes, you will know if the person you are talking to is someone you're interested in. Yes, it only takes about four minutes to decide. Yet in that brief time, you and your partner will have made an indelible impression on one another. The First Four Minutes shows you how to make that impression a positive one and to develop the skills that will make you an interesting conversationalist to anyone-from a casual acquaintance to your spouse.

Learn how
-- Understand confusing signals
-- Develop the art of the compliment
-- Project your personality while evaluating the potential of strangers
-- Use rejection to reach the next step
-- Prepare a surefire conversation plan
-- And much, much more!

With hints, tips, and practical advice, this insightful guide, written by a practicing psychiatrist, helps you unlock your insecurities and discover a new you with the power to control any social encounter.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction

288 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published January 1, 1972

Reviews

[Semi-Academic Eric]

"When a person (among the Babemba tribes of southern Africa) acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he is placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman, and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused individual. Then each person in the tribe, regardless of age, begins to talk out loud to the accused, one at a time, about all of the good things the person in the center of the circle has done in his life time. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy is recounted. All his positive attributes, good deeds, kindnesses and strengths are recited carefully and at length. No one is permitted to fabricate, exaggerate or be facetious about his accomplishments or the positive effect of his personality..."

This part of the book, shared with me by an acquaintance, has intrigued me enough to want to find and read more of this. Yet, other reviews suggest that this may be the best part. Shall I sully this experience with more than four minutes of contact with this book?

[Brian · Rating 3 out of 5]

A little dated and a couple very dull chapters but if it sounds interesting to you you'll probably appreciate.

[Michael David · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book hasn't aged as well as other self-help books such as Dyer's Your Erroneous Zones, or Berne's Games People Play, but it still presents a number of sensible suggestions in order to improve one's social interactions especially during their first four minutes.

Positive phoniness was a novel idea that Zunin introduced in this book, which he described as:

In my judgment, a segment of our society has gone overboard in asking people to be direct and honest at all levels, all the time. When we understand the relationship of behavior and feelings, perhaps we can better subscribe to my conjecture that being phony is not necessarily being insincere ... Call it functional fraud or appropriate deception, the truth is there's a distinct social grace in not expressing anger or criticism at times and kind words may also help alleviate your own wrath." (p.203-204)

In my line of work where one's patience is stretched to its limits, it's heartening to know that I'm actually becoming more emotionally mature because I have implemented such an idea in my general practice (although I don't implement it all of the time).

[Ankur Choudhury]

A Good One!

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

An analysis what happens in the first four minutes of meeting someone new and how to make a lasting first impression with someone.