How to Stop Breaking Your Own Heart: Stop People-Pleasing, Set Boundaries, and Heal from Self-Sabotage

by Meggan Roxanne

‘Meggan’s words have the power to make you feel seen, understood, and less alone. This book is the reminder you need that you are worthy of self-love and acceptance.’
Jay Shetty, #1 New York Times best-selling author of Think Like A Monk and host of the On Purpose podcast

Life can be a lot. How are you supposed to maintain healthy relationships, build a career, keep up with the constant life admin, and prioritize your well-being? It’s so easy to get distracted and lose sight of your path, until one day you realize you’re completely lost, trapped in a cycle of self-sabotage and people pleasing.

You are not alone.

Following her own personal experience of dealing with anxiety and depression, Meggan Roxanne has united a community of 30 million people by sharing ways to navigate everyday struggles. Now she’s using the lessons she’s learned along the way to help you

· overcome negative thought patterns
· move away from perfectionism and break free from expectations
· say ‘no’ to toxic people and situations and set boundaries
· stop keeping yourself small and step into your power
· build a life where self-love is non-negotiable.

You’ll wish you’d read this book sooner.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Mental Health, Relationships, Personal Growth, Health

244 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2024

Reviews

[Meghan Comstock · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve followed thegoodquote on Instagram for many years now and have always related to the quotes they’ve shared. When I saw the owner of the account was coming out with a book I pre ordered it immediately. I’m going through something in my life that I hoped reading this book would give me some clarity and comfort about the situation. I loved how Meggan wrote this book about her own life experiences and how they’ve shaped her into who she is today and the knowledge she’s gained about life along the way. This book was just what I needed. 🖤

[Annie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’d rather read a receipt than slog through this again. It is written by an influencer and you can tell. While the message of overcoming perfectionism and loving yourself etc is admirable, the writing is such a boring spew of dribble istg I wouldn’t be surprised if she sat down one day, asked Siri to open a notes app and said it all out in one go.

[Shahd ||شهد · Rating 3 out of 5]

"The mission to become perfect stemmed from multiple times in my life where i was rewarded for being anything other than my authentic self"

[Erin McDiarmid · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book everyone should read! It’s relatable and you can pick out what you want, and leave what does not resonate. It is not a ‘do this’ kind of book. Meggan tells her story and shares what has helped her through hard times in her life, in a way that normalizes every human emotion we experience.

[Alice · Rating 4 out of 5]

Think about the human connections in your life:
• Do they encourage your growth?
• Are they empowering you with their daily habits and commitments?
• Are you engaging in healthy conversations?
• Do they engage in healthy conversations?
• Do they ever leave you questioning your worth?
• Are they kind and supportive during difficult situations?
• Do they uplift and inspire you?

You deserve to be in the presence of those who feel like sunlight.

We have to believe that we are worthy of a love that empowers and appreciates us, and you need to be ready to invite this into your life when it arrives on your path.

It's important to remember that you're not bound to anyone. You always have the right to leave.

Because why would we settle for less than what we can graciously provide for ourselves?

Eventually, I realized that when it comes to the trajectory of your life, if you fail to make a decision on the path you want to take, eventually that decision will be made for you.

Choosing solitude is a power, not a weakness.

We need to protect ourselves from those who create rough seas in our hearts.

Instead, we should give thanks for what we have, while aspiring for more and allowing life's journey to unfold at its natural rhythm. What we are destined to receive will arrive in due time.

We protect ourselves by taking our foot off this fast-paced life, and the delayed gratification for the good things that do come our way makes them feel all the sweeter.

The idea of facing change can be frightening, but avoidance only prolongs our suffering.

Welcome the fear, because this is how it feels to let go. Our healing journey truly begins when we recognize that life is perpetually evolving. As one chapter ends, another will begin - so we may as well enjoy the ride.

Your soul knows when a chapter has come to an end. By being honest with ourselves and tuning into our intuition, we can avoid causing more pain to our hearts by resisting inevitable changes. Sometimes change feels like pain, but denying it only intensifies that pain.

By opening ourselves up to complete honesty and shedding the facades we present to ourselves and others, we let in the possibility of truth, honesty, and strength.

Our journey with healing has no expiration date. It's a natural, constant process in life: We endure, we hurt, and we heal.

Life will always throw challenges and obstacles in our way, and it's not about shutting ourselves away from future pain; it's about having the emotional tools and self-awareness to best deal with those trials.

I found it hard initially to come to terms with the fact that heartbreak isn't always the result of someone else's actions, but instead, of our own inability to handle ourselves with care. We play a significant role in creating our own pain. Once I decided to treat myself with more compassion, life opened up in so many incredible ways, and I hope - no, I know - it will do the same for you.

…our hearts all share a mutual coherence. We all experience the same feelings and thoughts, both beautiful and brutal. We all seek connection and love. Good luck on your own journey of healing - remember that beauty resides in the journey, and better days are waiting for us all.

[Susie]

This reads mostly like a commencement speech. I do hope people go to therapy to get the help they need, and maybe this will help motivate readers to begin that process. It wasn’t really for me, though.

[Teodora · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful book. Beautifully written. I found myself in every word. I've truly enjoyed reading this book and I've learned so much from it.

Some of my favourite quotes:
"We are the source of infinite love."
"What truly matters is how we respond to failures."
"Healing comes in waves."
"Start small, go slow."

[Jung · Rating 5 out of 5]

Meggan Roxanne’s "How to Stop Breaking Your Own Heart" explores how individuals can break free from self-sabotaging behaviors by stopping people-pleasing, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care. The book is a guide to understanding how past experiences, particularly from childhood, shape emotional patterns and impact adult relationships. It encourages readers to recognize the root causes of their behaviors, confront their fears, and embrace their true selves, leading to more authentic and fulfilling lives.

The book begins by delving into how childhood experiences play a significant role in shaping our emotional foundation. Roxanne emphasizes that our earliest relationships, especially within the family, influence how we perceive love, self-worth, and connection. These early experiences create emotional patterns that follow us into adulthood, often leading to behaviors such as people-pleasing and the fear of rejection. For many, these habits are a way of seeking validation and approval from others, but they come at the cost of one’s own well-being.

The book highlights the importance of identifying these patterns and understanding their origins. By acknowledging how these early experiences shaped us, we can begin the process of breaking free from unhealthy cycles. The key, according to Roxanne, is to recognize that constantly seeking the approval of others leads to emotional exhaustion and a loss of identity. Instead, the focus should be on reclaiming one’s sense of self and learning how to prioritize personal needs and boundaries.

Roxanne discusses the fear that often holds people back from embracing their authentic selves. Fear, she explains, is one of the biggest obstacles to living a fulfilled life. Many individuals stay stuck in familiar routines, afraid to step out of their comfort zones or pursue their true passions. This fear creates a sense of disconnect from one’s true self, leading to feelings of dissatisfaction and unfulfillment.

The book encourages readers to confront these fears head-on. Roxanne suggests that people are often intimidated by their own potential, and that self-doubt prevents them from taking risks or trying new things. By changing the inner dialogue from one of doubt to one of affirmation, individuals can begin to trust in their own abilities and take steps toward growth. This shift in mindset is crucial for breaking free from self-sabotaging habits and embracing a more authentic version of oneself.

In addition to confronting fear, Roxanne emphasizes the importance of living with intention. She suggests that being mindful and purposeful in one’s actions leads to greater self-awareness and personal growth. This involves listening to one’s intuition and making choices that align with personal values. By doing so, individuals can begin to live a life that feels more meaningful and true to who they are.

A significant portion of the book is dedicated to the idea of setting boundaries, which Roxanne views as essential for emotional well-being. Boundaries, she explains, are not about shutting people out or being selfish, but about protecting one’s energy and peace. Many individuals struggle with setting boundaries because they fear rejection or being seen as unkind. However, Roxanne argues that without boundaries, people become emotionally drained and lose their sense of self.

She offers practical advice for setting and maintaining boundaries. This process involves being clear about one’s needs and communicating them to others. Some people may resist these changes, especially if they are used to having unrestricted access to one’s time and energy. However, Roxanne stresses that it is important to stand firm in these decisions, as they are crucial for preserving one’s emotional health.

The book also touches on the importance of solitude and self-reflection as tools for personal growth. Roxanne suggests that spending time alone allows individuals to reconnect with themselves and gain a deeper understanding of their needs and desires. In a world that is constantly connected, solitude is often undervalued, but Roxanne argues that it is essential for developing self-awareness and clarity.

Through solitude and self-reflection, individuals can begin to recognize patterns in their relationships and interactions that may have gone unnoticed. This awareness makes it easier to set healthy boundaries and make choices that align with one’s true self. Roxanne encourages readers to take time each day to be alone, even if it is just for a few minutes, to cultivate a sense of inner peace and understanding.

Another important theme in the book is the idea of reclaiming one’s time. Roxanne argues that time is one of the most valuable resources we have, and yet many people spend it on activities or commitments that do not align with their values. This often happens because individuals feel obligated to say yes to every request or because they have not set clear boundaries around their time.

The book advises readers to become more intentional about how they spend their time and to prioritize activities that bring joy and fulfillment. This might mean saying no to certain commitments or reevaluating relationships that are draining rather than nourishing. Roxanne stresses that protecting one’s time is not about being distant or unkind, but about ensuring that one’s life is filled with activities and relationships that align with personal values and contribute to overall well-being.

Roxanne also touches on the concept of living purposefully. She encourages readers to align their daily actions with their core values, suggesting that living with purpose leads to a deeper sense of fulfillment. This can be as simple as starting the day with intention, whether through a morning routine, journaling, or meditation. By grounding oneself in what truly matters, individuals can navigate life with more clarity and purpose.

Ultimately, "How to Stop Breaking Your Own Heart" is a call to action for anyone who feels stuck in patterns of self-sabotage or people-pleasing. The book offers practical steps for breaking free from these behaviors and reclaiming one’s sense of self. Through a combination of self-awareness, boundary-setting, and intentional living, individuals can create healthier relationships, protect their time and energy, and live a life that aligns with their true values.

In conclusion, Meggan Roxanne’s "How to Stop Breaking Your Own Heart" provides a comprehensive guide for those seeking to break free from self-sabotaging behaviors and embrace their authentic selves. By understanding how childhood experiences shape emotional patterns, confronting fears, setting boundaries, and reclaiming time, readers can begin the journey toward personal growth and fulfillment. The book is a valuable resource for anyone looking to stop people-pleasing, heal from emotional wounds, and live a more purposeful and meaningful life. Through self-reflection, mindfulness, and intentional action, Roxanne empowers readers to stop breaking their own hearts and start living in alignment with their true selves.

[Jess Guilbeaux · Rating 5 out of 5]

i mean it when i say this book saved me and has completely changed my outlook on life. i went the audiobook route and listened from cover to cover. eventually i plan on buying the hard copy and referring back to the chapters that struck me the most because i found it to be that useful. meggan elegantly weaves personal anecdotes with impactful life lessons she’s learned so beautifully that i often forgot i was listening to a “self help” book. i recommend this to anyone and everyone. this is THE book for healing.

[Marwah · Rating 4 out of 5]

"It's why I'm so passionate about reinforcing the idea that life can be rebuilt, after loss, after trauma..."
Very well put, Meggan articulated a lot of life experiences and how to deal with them beautifully in this book.

[Zitrolena · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5
This self-help book was filled with some beautiful (yet sad) truths but it didn't hit home like some others did for me.

[Saoirse Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book highlighted so many things that we glance over in our day-to-day. Having boundaries doesn’t mean a lack of kindness, and taking time to appreciate where we are and be present is so important. Especially when we’re living in a society that’s so driven by ego. Need to read this once a year I think…

[Marisol Calderón · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eye-opening. Healing. Planting seeds of hope and self-compassion.

[Amber Palmer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Listened as an audiobook.. it was more like a life story than anything else. Bit repetitive at points

[Helaina Hovitz · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is an egotistical thinly veiled “look at me” memoir that panders to the most sophomoric of concepts, and turns the reader off of incredibly important tools. This isn’t just bad, it’s damaging, and it’s transparent. Skip it. There’s so so so much better. Heart is broken, Meggan. For you.

[Габриела Щинова]

📚Ако името на Меган Роксан не ви говори нищо значи и вие сте като мен. Аз я открих, когато прочетох книгата й.
В труден момент авторката създава платформата @thegoodquote, която вдъхновява над 20 милиона души.

📚В книгата й са описани болезнени моменти от ранните й години. Паралелно е предадена и историята на майка й, която е пълна с насилие, токсични роднини и прочие житейски гадости.
Радостното в случая е, че и двете с помощта на терапия загърбват трудностите и страданието и живеят мечтания си живот. За жалост, майката умира преди няколко години след тежко боледуване.

📚Книгата се чете бързо и лесно въпреки тежките теми. Четивото обаче ми приличаше само на драматична автобиография с цел
да се предизвика внимание.
За мен беше огромен минус, че Меган не предлага реален план за справяне с кризисни моменти. Да, има описани стъпки, но те са общоизвестни съвети и не са от особена полза ако се озовеш в близка на нейната житейска ситуация. Всичко е като извадено от популярно списание.

📚"Заnaзеmе gвa чaca в kaлeнgapa cu вcяka сеgмица за себе си. Изkлючете meлефoна cu, guшайте gълбoko u ce omgaйme изцяло на себе си. Moжe ga cu вogume gнeвниk, ga ce paзxoжgame cpeg npupogama, ga omugeme на фитнес, ga меgиmирaтe , ga cи вземете npоgължumeлна вана с етерични масла и соли uли ga npekapame време с хубава kнига. "

📚Например като дете тя е била шокирана от жестокостта на дядо си, който й заявил, че не му пука за нея. И през годините са имали сложни отношения. В края на живота му майка й, която той непрекъснато тормози, проявява изключителна човещина към него и той подобрява отношенията със семейството си. Само че всичко това е разказано набързо, без да се опише подробно кои действия са допринесли за разрешаването на проблемите. Спомената е само силата на прошката.

📚Може би за района на Тринидад, където са корените на Меган или за Лондон, където живее, такъв тип книги са полезни. Или световната практика е такава. За мен много по-работеща е книгата на Луис Хаус, който е цитиран при отзивите. Той има по-ясно разписани правила как да станеш успешен в дадена ситуация, когато си бил отхвърлен от живота.

[Harkeen Bains · Rating 5 out of 5]

-Many of us have clung to relationships that we should have let go of, looking for approval and acceptance from others, while sacrificing parts of ourselves in the process.
-Her obsession with perfectionism held her back and hindered from achieving the level of success she knew she could reach.
-“I learned how to perform and spent years beneath this disguise - so much so that | struggled to develop a real relationship with my authentic self. I became everything everyone wanted me to be.”
-would scroll through feeds of influencers' highlight reels and believed that I couldn't advance in my career until I matched their aesthetic. I would think, I should be more like this person or that person, but I'm not even close - look at my hair, my weight, my house, my personality. None of it meets this standard. All these reasons held me back. stifle her growth and she would let many opportunities pass her by.
-Trees grow to different heights, some grow crooked, others straight. The moon goes through her phases. Water is never consistent - sometimes it's peaceful, other times it's crashing against the rocks as if it's having a war within. Even the sky presents us with a different masterpiece each evening.
We don't even acknowledge the anomalies; we just marvel at their existence and feel grateful to be able to witness such beauty.
-Next,
remember that in any type of connection with another human being, mutual respect, support, and genuine compassion are the absolute minimums.
Think about the human connections in your life:
Do they encourage your growth?
* Are they empowering you with their daily habits and commitments?
Are you engaging in healthy conversations?
* Do they ever leave you questioning your worth?
Are they kind and supportive during difficult situations?
Do they uplift and inspire you?

If the answer is 'nothing,' then that's a big red flag. You don't have to be unhappy, and people don't deserve to be in your life by default. That's it. It really is as simple as that.
You deserve to be in the presence of those who feel like sunlight.

-when you value yourself, that's usually when the natural shift takes place, and you begin to let go of the things that no longer serve you and instead gravitate toward those who match your energy.

[Herminia Seguro · Rating 2 out of 5]

I will always admire people who write self-help books and genuinely want to help others however I really did not enjoy this book. I believe the whole book was misleading and although the author explains in the beginning that talking about one’s experiences in life allows for others to feel less lonely…this was a memoir and not a self-help book. Unfortunately the author didn’t go deep enough to the core problems she tried to address and 80% of the book is her speaking of her own life, even if it is to help others. Saying things like “I’m so proud of myself that I overcame this” yes we all congratulate you but how will this help readers? A big disappointment to a book that could’ve mentioned so much more…

[Roshiva Nyaupane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exactly the self-help book I needed right now. Thank you to the author for being vulnerable and sharing your experiences.
It’s so relieving to hear other people going through similar situations and facing similar thoughts. This book made me feel like I am not alone.

My favourite part of this book was the last chapter which covered the question I have had for a really long time. I have been trying to let go and not think too much about the future but then I would get confused whether it contradicts manifestation. The author clearly says that with hard work, consistency and kindness to yourself, you will never miss what’s for you. ❤️

[Rebekah Harris · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Listened to on audiobook)

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! Lots of great lessons and learnings to develop better and healthier relationships with ourselves and confront self-sabotaging behaviours.

[Tara Byrnes · Rating 2 out of 5]

the concepts in this book are worth 5 stars, but they are ideals that i have already learned and continuously apply in my life so it felt redundant, but a powerful book nonetheless

[Cruz Zamora · Rating 4 out of 5]

i kinda enjoyed this one. very digestible and kind and was good with important/rough truths.

[Veselina Proycheva · Rating 3 out of 5]

“Капиталистическото ни общество храни егото ни, като постоянно ни разсейва с нещо.”

[Grace Morris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this for a Non Fiction - Fav so far.
It wasn’t boring. I really resonated with what Meggan was saying.

[Bambi Kline · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was more about the author's story than a self-help book. I was going to give it 3 stars but it's actually well written. It just wasn't what I expected

[Alexia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book feels like sitting down with a friend over tea, talking about life and sharing advice on overcoming hardships. It’s an easy read, though the writing could’ve been stronger overall. Still, as someone who has been working on setting boundaries and being in therapy, it serves as a gentle reminder of the work I've done and the areas where I can still improve.

[Jenn Jacino · Rating 5 out of 5]

LOVED. I feel like her words completely changed my outlook on certain things. I would recommend to anyone who experiences self-doubt and the need to people please.

[Martyna · Rating 4 out of 5]

nie wniosła wiele do mojego życia ta książka, ale dała mi poczucie że nie jestem sama :pp

[Laura Platt · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really informative self help book which changed my perspective on so many things 🫶