The Observable Universe: An Investigation

by Heather McCalden

A moving memoir of a young woman's reckoning with her parents' absence, the virus that took them, and what it means to search for meaning in a hyper-connected world

In the early 1990s, Heather McCalden lost her parents to AIDS. Orphaned by age ten, she was raised by her grandmother in Los Angeles, a fragmented city, also known as ground zero for the virus and its destruction. Years later, unmoored by grief, she begins exploring the history of HIV as a way to deal with her loss. This leads her to discover that AIDS and the internet developed along parallel timelines, lending truth to the saying "going viral." Chasing this idea through anecdotes, TV shows, scientific papers, Wikipedia entries, and internet history, McCalden forms a synaptic experience of what happened to her family, one that leads to an unexpected discovery about who her parents might have been.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Essays, Biography, Audiobook, Biography Memoir

304 pages, Hardcover

First published March 21, 2024

Reviews

[Constantine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐
Genre: Nonfiction

The Observable Universe is a melancholic and poignant memoir that explores the evolution of the AIDS virus and the internet in parallel timelines. In the early 1990s, the author suffered the loss of her parents to AIDS and became an orphan at the age of ten. Her grandmother in Los Angeles then took care of her.

The connection between HIV and the internet is interestingly made through the use of multiple mediums, like scientific studies, TV shows, Wikipedia, and other studies. Along with all this, the author put a lot of her own experiences into this to make it more personal.

I believe that the most appealing aspect of this book is the author's willingness to expose her unfiltered vulnerability, which allows readers to be drawn into her world. Her examination of how she deals with grief comes across as genuine and sympathetic. The use of parallel narratives is another one of the book’s strengths in this situation. It is something so unique that I have not read anything like that before.

However, where this memoir suffers is in its pacing. There are times when the story wanders off course and loses its concentration. There are some sections that could be improved by more stringent editing. In addition, it took me some time to start putting things together and getting used to the flow of the narrative in this instance. A few more narrowly focused topics would have been of great assistance. Regardless of the cons, this is still a fascinating memoir.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC of this book.

[Meike · Rating 2 out of 5]

In the early 1990's, Heather McCalden lost her Irish father and her Puerto Rican mother to AIDS-related complications, the ten-year-old orphan grew up with her grandmother. This memoir deals with the grief that has stayed with her, and it does so in a fragmentary, no, a FRAGMENTARY manner: The author is a multidisciplinary artist working with text, image and movement, and "The Observable Universe" reads like a collage that refuses to form a coherent picture. Sure, you could now argue that because of this aesthetic set-up, it mirrors life, as the coherent tales of what we experience are nothing more than made-up narratives we form to ascribe sense and order to a confusing, disorienting world. But isn't the that the beauty of art, the power of telling our stories, that they are more than random bits and pieces scattered over days and years without direction, that we gain agency by framing them, by deciding what's important to us and what is not, by declaring who we are on our own terms?

McCalden works with association, adding info dumps about the discovery and research of HIV/AIDS as well as the rise of the internet, because, you know: virus, viral, etc. And these bits suffocate the story I came for, the personal story of a child losing her parents to a then even more dangerous and stigmatized illness, the story of two young people having to leave their kid behind.

I couldn't get into this.

[🩶 April • A.M. Flynn • 🩶 · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐

[Liviu · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are some books that one really enjoys without a clear reason. Some books we enjoy because we read them at the proper moment, which could find us completely different from what we could be some months later. And even though the structure gave me initially the feeling that I would struggle a bit with this book (it was one in a row of other ones that I’ve read this year built on short broken fragments of text), it turned out to be a reading pleasure, in my case. First, I’ve read it due to my Fitzcarraldo Editions subscription and even though I have not been so enthusiastic about most of the books from this year, fiction or essays, I really enjoyed this one. And it’s hard to tell why. It is not a fundamental book in any way, nor one that I couldn’t have lived without, it doesn’t tell a clear story, it’s not linear (partially because it’s not really a story), but nevertheless it kept my interest for reading about 100p pages per day and I finished the book feeling happy that I read it. There are some recurring themes dropped in small fragments, sometimes one phrase long, sometimes a couple of pages, that intertwine and gradually refer to one another: viruses, metaphors, internet, connectivity, investigative processes, detectives, and above all: missing and grief. Sometimes there are fragments containing memories about the dead grandmother, sometimes reconstructed information about the dead parents, sometimes facts about the history of the internet and other times facts about the history of virus transmission and investigation. Everything written in a very elegant, light and alert style that makes reading a pleasure. So far the first great discovery from the Fitzcarraldo list from this year and for sure I’ll be looking forward to reading anything else that Heather McCalden would write in the future.

[Rachel Louise Atkin · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. This was a truly amazing book and I loved every second of it. McCalden’s parents died of AIDS when she was very young - her father when she was seven and her mother when she was ten. This book is the product of wanting to know who her parents were, what the virus is that caused her so much pain at a young age, and also exploring the idea of ‘virality’ and how it has passed from something physical to digital.

A lot of this book reminded me of Jeannette Winterson’s ‘12 Bytes’ which was equally as fascinating. McCalden notices how the spread of HIV and the knowledge of it coincides with the spread and growth of the internet and digital world, and conflates both ideas of transmission, codes, ‘going viral’, and archival history with each other. It was brilliantly researched but also had a distinctly personal touch to what McCalden felt relevant to include in the book at that specific time. Some parts of the science in it I found truly fascinating as I am interested in the social aspect of the HIV/AIDS crisis so learning about the virus from both a scientific point of view and in regards to technology was really eye-opening.

Ultimately the book is one huge metaphor, the virus as a computer virus and the internet as the DNA which contains everything we have ever thought, seen and lived. It’s a really powerful way of exploring something so personal to her whilst also providing a huge insight into the links between technology and disease. The book is a personal album and a piece of scientific research at the same time. It is one of the most captivating non-fiction books I have ever read and urge everyone to read it if they can.

[Regan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreaking, so smart, so moving —at a loss for words, I thought this was genius

[Sara J.]

❤️‍🩹

[Traci Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the writing here but am not sure I was ever able to click into the book. It’s sorta a strange memoir (on purpose) and is mostly just musings on viruses and death. It is a very good book for a certain type of reader but I’m not sure it got there for me — I think print might be better than audio for this one.

[cass krug · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5⭐️ thank you to hogarth for an advanced copy of this!


a fragmentary exploration of grief and the concept of the virus, both online and in the body. it follows a lot of different threads (many of the sections being only a paragraph or a few pages long), discussing virology, the history of the internet, her own memories, and detective tv shows. and the book is her own foray into detective work in a way - both of heather mccalden’s passed away from HIV/AIDS when she was incredibly young, shattering her life. the observable universe is her attempt to put the pieces back together and figure out who her parents were, how the disease that took them came to be, and how to cope with the reality of what she finds.

i got along really well with the longer pieces in the book and will keep an eye out for mccalden’s future work, but i did struggle to get into it at first because of how much it jumps around. i would recommend this if any of the themes sound interesting - the medical/technological themes feel unique for this kind of creative nonfiction. lots of beautiful sentences and thought provoking ideas in here.

reading wrap up!

[Troy · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing work of memoir and a moving excavation of grief, culture, and the duality of the virus and internet virality. In a word: stunning.

[CatReader · Rating 2 out of 5]

Heather McCalden is a writer and artist. Her 2024 book The Observable Universe is a mix of bite-sized and surprisingly detached memoir pieces and bite-sized Wikipedia-style data dumps and factoids that came across to me as pretentious and exhausting. This is a shame, as her story is certainly compelling (as she explains at the beginning of the book, she wrote this work to help process her grief from losing both of her parents to AIDS when she was a kid, and later losing the grandmother who raised her). I DNFed at around 40% after several days of repeated restarts and stops.

My statistics:
Book 161 for 2025
Book 2087 cumulatively

[Lewis Isbell · Rating 1 out of 5]

truly blessed this book was written before AI was a talking point

[Kristiana · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Observable Universe by Heather McCalden is unlike anything I've ever read before, even when I have experience reading fragmentary memoirs, because the scope of McCalden's recall and writing is vast and unique.

Through an exploration of childhood, present day, memory, the advent of the World Wide Web, and researching the AIDs crisis in the 80s and early 90s, McCalden recreates a world in which she has grown up and lived. A world that in many ways has been unforgiving. In building this universe for us, McCalden transitions between academic writing and personal essays, quotations, and short statements. For many, this style will be too fragmentary or disjointed, but for me it was the perfect reflection of how we consume, understand and attempt to process our experiences, both those in and out of our control.

Most importantly, McCalden's work is a work about grief, as she mentions herself in the book. All of the above interweaves to leave a person at the centre who wishes she knew her parents better before they died, who wishes she cherished her maternal grandmother more than perhaps she did, and who wishes all of the advancements in our society meant growing up and living with grief was easier.

And so, if you enjoy memoirs that are more abstract/fragmentary, you'll love The Observable Universe. It truly is one of a kind.

[Romane]

we enter a story made up of vignettes about the author's life, the research she's done, memories, facts & figures about AIDS, silly thoughts, and a lot more. all of this makes up Heather McCalden's memoir of what it was like to lose both parents to AIDS in the 90s.

this book is a spider's web, a patchwork that lets us discover her story as if we were leafing through a family album or scrapbook journal (if that's still a thing?), the narrative is in bits and pieces, fragmented. it's a story about grief, and the aftermath of what it's like to be an orphan.

It talks a lot about the Internet, the meaning of words, but also about the AIDS epidemic vs. the growing omnipresence of the Internet, and how the advent of the world wide web has redefined the concept of "going viral" in the face of disease.

the form will definitely not appeal to everyone. it's a memorable and touching tale that, if you connect with it, won't leave you untouched. it can seem very abstract at times, then very invoicel the next page. for me, it was a successful balance.

ps: if you're curious, here's a poetic fun fact worth checking out that i discovered in this book: just google "wind phone Ōtsuchi"

[John Caleb Grenn]

📚 The Observable Universe 🧬 🦠
Heather McCalden
@hogarthbooks, out 3/19

This is a seriously, truly interesting book. Tackled in short, almost scattered sections, it’s a memoir that delves into viruses, both the encapsulated genetic material kind and the computer kind, the Internet and social media, and in true Susan Sontag fashion explores metaphor as a means for understanding. More than all that, though, I think it’s about grief and grieving.

I wondered a few times if, had TOU been written as a more traditional memoir with a natural flow of succinct, organized chapters, if it would have had a little more heat behind some of its punches. But, the experience of reading this mirrors what it feels like to get lost in a TikTok scrolling binge, topics changing frequently but, somehow miraculously circling back and filling in new information on what it had you wondering about, too. (Memoir: purposeful. TikTok: idk, algorithms I guess.) I think this structure is what made this work so fresh and alive in the end, so I wouldn’t change it for a thing.

As a discussion of viruses, just personally I didn’t take much new information away here, but I literally deal in viruses every day. I think some of the delving into HIV/AIDS history, viral epidemiology, genetics, CRISPR, etc will be very interesting to the broadly reading population who may not come across this information more regularly.

As a discussion of metaphor, I appreciated what TOU adds to what I’ve read already. But where I really think this work shines brightest is in its handling of grief. When you approach this memoir as a Sontagian meditation on loss in the setting of a deep dive into how life and disease on this weird wild planet works, it is brand new, fresh, heartbreaking and incredible.

Recommended reading from me!

Thank you so much to @hogarthbooks for sharing this, in the end, somber but joyful, lovely work with me. I worry I’d have not come across it had it not been for your generosity. Again, thank you!

Are y’all diving into this one? Out 3/19!

[pizca · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Estructura viral . La eficiencia simple de la estructura viral es asombrosa.Quien hubiese dicho
que solo hacía falta una hebra del código inserta en una membrana de proteínas para cambiar
vidas enteras. para borrar civilizaciones. Para romper corazones”.


El universo observable son las memorias sobre la pérdida de Heather Mccalden.
Una especie de álbum o collage , un libro fragmentario que transita en torno a tres ideas.
La historia del VIH y del Sida , internet y lo viral y cómo nos comportamos o nos desarrollamos
en esta era

Los padres de Mccalden mueren ambos de sida entre sus 7-10 años y ella se queda con Nivia ,
su abuela materna, con la muerte de esta es cuando Mccalden asume que lo que lleva tanto tiempo escribiendo va más allá de la metáfora, de internet, lo viral o como lo observa ella
misma sino sobre la pérdida y el dolor. Detrás de cada fragmento, en el que ella investiga
acerca de estos temas está la pérdida que la acompaña desde pequeña esa que no te va a
dejar nunca , esa que hace que un virus se lleve algo y contagie el resto de tu vida

“¿metas de vida? que una vida se convierta en una foto, vista en una app y que luego esa
nueva realidad sea fotografiada convertida en una nueva imagen y cargada otra vez en la
misma app…¿que nombre tiene esa condición contemporánea ?”


El universo observable de Mccalden es un lugar en el que todos tenemos cabida y en el que
todos estamos inmersos.
Me ha gustado mucho porque ella va soltando toda esta información pero no viene a rebatir ni a opinar de nada , ella simplemente va dejando todos estos cachitos para que al final te armes la experiencia completa
Todos estos fragmentos tienen una conexión y en una lectura como esta es importante. Ha hecho un currazo bastante singular mccalden

[Fergus Cooper]

This isn’t really a book in the traditional sense. It’s a “Collection of short writings”.
The writings have many different subjects, ranging from the viral phenomena of the internet to discussions about her grandma, but as a whole this is about grief.
It’s a woman processing death and pain in her life, and she’s written it down.

Giving it a rating would feel a bit bizarre, but it’s absolutely worth a read. Very moving, very unique, and sometimes uncomfortable.



Not related but I found it in a second hand bookshop incorrectly placed in the science section with the label “not for resale” which I thought was pretty cool.

[Joe.reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

I know the phrase ‘I’ve never read anything like this before’ is bandied about a lot but truly I have never read anything like this before.

I’m in awe of what McCalden is able to do with prose and form in this. An absolutely incredibly moving and well constructed book.

[esmereadsalot · Rating 2 out of 5]

My enduring impression of this book, unfortunately, is one of disappointment: while McCalden is clearly a strong writer, one who is attuned to both the tiny and the sublime, shattering wonders of life and loss, capable of describing almost anything in a way which is affecting, and perceptive, and often quite ingenious, reading it felt like less of an experience and more of a thought experiment - an unstructured, unsatisfying attempt at showing off. For, while some of her metaphors and turns of phrase really were excellent, striking enough to stop a reader in their tracks, in their abundance the overall effect was dulled - towards the end, my eyes began to skim through sentences, searching for something with a little more heft.

As is obvious from the book's blurb, and from the extensive range of subjects explored across its slim, fragmentary chapters - the loss of both her parents to AIDs, the inception and virality of the internet, pop culture and photography and private detectives - there is a rich array of potential material (autobiographical or otherwise) to draw upon here...I just wish that McCalden had chosen just one, or two, instead of packing them all into 400-odd pages (and seemingly in the order they first came to mind). Structure or coherence is, of course, not necessary to produce a good book, but without it, a weaker one tends to flounder; its flaws are made more painfully evident. Faced with large swathes of white space, as the vast majority of its chapters were comprised of a single paragraph, I couldn't help but wonder if the text would have benefited from some tightening up - instead of her ideas, what I took away from this book just that: empty, formless, and largely void of meaning.

Despite this critical review, I do admire McCalden's narrative voice and strong sense of style - thank you to NetGalley and Fitzcarraldo Editions for the ARC ebook!

[Bridget Bonaparte · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s good…not what I expected at times unbearably annoying at others very smart

[katie? · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I didn't have much in me. I spent it all thinking about blood and what's in it that makes us prioritize certain people over others. Blood, after all, is the source and also price of every conflict, but it is only code. It shows lineage but it doesn't show relation. Blood is information without the story. I drove around and thought about this because resonance on the genetic level doesn't always translate into responsibility, love, or respect, which makes me believe that family bonds are just as invented as all our other bonds. We make such a dramatic fuss over blood ties and yet people are just people. It's all artifice. The truth is, you're dead lucky if your mother actually loves you as a person, and not just because you came out of her body."

[Matilda Smart]

Don’t really think I could put a star rating on this book. It’s one of the most unique and personal memoirs I’ve ever read. It’s like meeting someone in a bar and them pouring their heart out to you, their past, their fears, their whole stream of consciousness. Occasionally I didn’t always understand her point or the links she was making but for me this wasn’t a book making a specific point. It’s a deeply personal meditation on grief. Now I’m no longer reading it I feel like I miss McCalden’s voice, I feel like I’ve made a friend.

[Anne Fox · Rating 1 out of 5]

Did not finish. No structure, mixed up stream of consciousness type style. Not for me. I have read a lot about HIV & AIDS over the years so was looking forward to this having read the synopsis. Alas, I was very disappointed. It was as if the author wrote a section as it came to her. A paragraph of information followed by a paragraph on emotions and memories with no apparent link. Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for a prepublication ebook.

[Susana · Rating 2 out of 5]

I understand what she was going for with her concept, but I didn't think it was well executed

[Paolo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Frammentato e frammentario come la mia attenzione in questa fine di agosto.

Bel memoir-saggio sulle viralità (biologiche, digitali, narrative e metaforiche).

[Cerys Minty · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoyed the vignettes and anecdotes on life in LA because lost lonely woman in California is a fav trope of mine. Could’ve done without the internet / tech parts

[Hưng Trần · Rating 4 out of 5]

The kind of book that makes you want to give its author a big long hug (see also: E’s ‘Things the Grandchildren Should Know.’)

[Sam · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

My Selling Pitch:
Do you want to read an art piece on grief that connects viruses to technology and tries to find the humanness in there? A sad girl’s take on Halt and Catch Fire with only a fraction of the depth.

Pre-reading:
I have no idea what this is about. I just know that the cover is stunning.

Thick of it:
This writing is gorgeous. It immediately reminds me of Dyscalculia, Maeve Fly, and Death Valley.

ebullient

It reminds me of Halt and Catch Fire

I never knew the Minitel existed.

I have not seen any of these movies.

I really, really like this book.

Memoirs built like musey collages of art and science and life are my faveeee

I think you need to do this book in one go as an audiobook or you will not like it.

etiological

Girlypop comparing herself to Cicero is ballsy as hell, and I respect it.

Also, I am so ill while I’m reading this book and it is immaculate at putting me to sleep. It’s monotone. It’s interesting. It’s callback-y. She keeps making me nod off, but every time I wake up, I’m like goddamn I love this.

Ischemic

I read a lot of books that reference Arthurian legends for a bitch who has never read about Arthur or even watched the movie.

C. J. Leede would like to talk about the story of the eye hahaha

Is this spoilers for True Detective? Because rude. And if you’re like Samantha, that show came out years ago. You should’ve watched it by now. I’m aware. I just haven’t.

We’re getting a little boring at this midpoint. It’s a little too much science, not enough emotional callback. There’s no personalization.

I am loving these short stories.
Oh, are they summaries of popular TV episodes and I just don’t get it because I’m uncultured swine? (I think it’s probably that.)

I think this book might be too long.

Title drop

I'm getting bored again.

A Sam!

It's Normal People-y.

I know this is a memoir, but I would love to read the story about girlypop in the diner, and the waitress, and the cowboy. That was gorgeous writing.

God, that's a relatable conversation. I can't do it. I won't settle like that. They get dumped. I'd rather be alone. I want a partner who dresses up too.

Oh god yeah, the polarizing feelings and being alone. That is exactly it.

Ugh, see, like I don't want a memoir from this author. Give me the contemporary bittersweet romance lit fic. She'd kill it. Sally Rooney, Sam, Dyscalculia, Piglet, Come and Get It.

This writer is going on my follow list. I want a fiction book from her.

I think this is too broad and too slow. She needed an edit. It kind of reads like I put research time into this, so I need to include it in my book, but like we didn’t need all of it, girlypop.

Girl, fuck that therapist.

This book started out so strong, and we’re dropping into three-star territory. It’s just getting unfocused and rambly. Yes, it’s still doing callbacks, but they’re not very strong. It’s almost like they’re callbacks for the sake of being callbacks.

I'm getting bored again.

This last 25% of the novel does not need to exist.

How? Very easily. I don’t care if he’s nice to the neighbors that he can benefit from. If he’s going to deny the suffering of millions of people, that’s not exactly hard math. Nazis can get fucked.

Shit ending.

Post-reading:
Man, this book is so conflicting. It started off so strong, but it’s way too long. Someone needed to trim this and make the argument more pointed.

The author can clearly write. When we do get scenes from her life, they are so evocative and vivid and like an A24 film. I would love to read a contemporary fiction novel from her. I think it would be on par with Ottessa Moshfegh, and Sally Rooney, and Melissa Broder. There’s an angry, sad girl book in here.

On its own though, this book is trying to do too much. You know me. I love a callback. I love character parallelism. This went too far. There was too much. It felt a lot like I did research on this tangent, so I have to include it in my book, whether or not it adds to my point because otherwise I wasted my time. Girl, let it go. Not everything that you put time and energy into will serve you.

I think the author chickened out writing her ending. I think there was more to say about her grief and complicated relationship with her grandmother. Instead, it felt like grandma got brushed aside in favor of her trying to make peace with her dad. And you have to sit there reading it the whole time like girl, you don’t have to make peace with a Nazi. You just don’t. You’re not unique for having a shitty and absent dad.

And it’s disappointing because when this author has points to make, they're spot on. They’re worth highlighting. They’re worth showing to another person. They’re relatable. But people aren’t going to get to read those quotes when they have to slog through a lot of the filler in this novel. We are in a DNF-ing epidemic. If you can’t hold the reader’s attention span, you’re not gonna get finished. And that would be a shame because I think this book has something. I just don’t think it had time to fully develop it.

I think the disclaimer at the beginning of this book-the author’s guide for how to read it- is vital to your enjoyment of this book. I think you have to pick it up as an audiobook and listen to it in one go. I think that’s your best chance for enjoying it. I think if you pick it up and put it down, you’re going to get lost, and you’re going to miss the callbacks. It’s going to feel very pointless. The audiobook is also read by the author and while she’s pretty monotone, how she presents the facts and where she hesitates, I think adds to the experience.

The ending lost me. It felt a bit fetishistic and cliché. There’s something yucky about a sage old drag queen advising the beautiful young sad girl to live her life in spite of her pain. I think the author was trying to end on a hopeful note, but it came off kind of tone-deaf and after-school special-y.

The book’s concept reminded me so much of Halt and Catch Fire, which is my favorite show of all time. It’s all parallelism and character growth and the humanness behind technological advancement, but that show does it so much better.

This book is worth the read if you’re nerdy and you like musey, atmospheric books. If you’re not down for a thought experiment, you’re gonna hate this.

Who should read this:
Halt and Catch Fire fans
Art Piece book fans
Quirky Memoir fans
Thought experiment fans

Do I want to reread this:
Maybe? I feel like there’s more I could get out of this, but my TBR is also very long.

Similar books:
* Dyscalculia by Camonghne Felix-unconventional writing style memoir, angry, sad girl book
* My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh-OG angry, sad girl book
* Sam by Allegra Goodman-coming of age, angry, sad girl book
* Death Valley by Melissa Broder-fever dream of a novel, grief think piece
* I Love You But I’ve Chosen Darkness by Claire Vaye Watkins-fictional-ish memoir, sad girl book
* Like Neon Mornings by Shiloh Sloane-angry, sad girl book, lyrical writing
* Maeve Fly by C. J. Leede-hear me out-in addition to being a horror novel, it’s also an atmospheric love letter to LA
* Big Swiss by Jen Beagin-messy, sad girl book
* Games and Rituals by Katherine Heiny-angry, sad girl short stories
* In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado-unconventional memoir, basically an art piece on writing styles and genres
* Beautiful World, Where Are You by Sally Rooney-miserable character study
* Laid and Confused by Maria Yagoda-memoire-ish research on why the author girlypop has bad sex, spoiler alert it’s low self-esteem
* Come and Get It by Kiley Reid-slice of life character study, social commentary

[Mizuki Giffin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is so hard to describe. It's marketed as a memoir that also investigates the simultaneous rise of the HIV/AIDS crisis and the internet, and though that certainly is a core component of this book, it felt like a lot more than that. Heather McCalden starts the book by instructing her reader to approach it as though they were flipping through an album, with each fragment another piece building towards the overall story. This book is composed of these little sections which vary from one line to several pages in length, and though they follow a loose chronological order, they feel random: some present researched history into AIDS/the internet and the ways these histories intersect, but many others are concerned about other seemingly unrelated ideas like 'mystery' as a genre and the concept of a metaphor. These are all grounded in the true heart of the book, which is Heather McCalden's grief over her parents' death, who both tragically passed away from AIDS when Heather was just a child. Slowly, we learn that one of the only memories she has of her mother is her mother's love of mystery novels, which is why so many fragments are dedicated to it. We also realize that the only way Heather is able to make sense of this overwhelming grief is through metaphor, which is why she's so obsessed with the ways metaphor can aid and distort our perceptions of reality.

Although this book does provide very interesting context about the AIDS crisis and the birth of the internet, I think it's much more about an individual who exists as a result of both influences. As she tries to make sense of what it means to 'go viral', how dauntingly accessible yet mysterious 'transmission' can be, she also wrestles with deep loneliness from being a singular person caught in this web.

I think this was an absolutely beautiful and experimental memoir about the senseless, distorting, confusing process of grief. Once I started really looking at this book in this light, I was able to sink into it. However, at first expecting more of a sociological study, I was taken aback a bit by its format, and the few other reviews on here seem to mirror these feelings. As a reader in her young twenties, this book spoke directly to me in a lot of ways: I think this is a book will resonate with people of a similar demographic. I'd recommend this to readers of Trick Mirror by Jia Tolentino.

[Sara Hughes · Rating 2 out of 5]

this is a memoir about a woman who’s parents both died of AIDS when she was a child. she attempts to come to terms with the tragedy by finding other parallel instances to AIDS that the universe has to offer, like comparing going viral on the internet to having an actual virus. there are elements to this being a great book, but it’s a pretty frustrating read because the fragmented style takes away from any and all pacing, and the actual meaning is lost. a good amount of it was interesting but it was super annoying to read, and i’m confused as to why this author chose this fragmented style. it must be very easy to write a book that’s just a bunch of fragmented musings that feel unconnected, and even if it was intentional perhaps an editor could have made the author take another pass at it.