The Executioner Always Chops Twice: Ghastly Blunders on the Scaffold

by Geoffrey Abbott

This humorous collection features tales of bungled executions, strange last requests and classic ultimate one-liners from medieval times to the present day.

Genres: Nonfiction, History, True Crime, Crime, Death, British Literature, Reference

239 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2002

About the author

Geoffrey Abbott served for many years as a Yeoman Warder at the Tower of London. Author of nineteen books and contributor to the Encyclopaedia Britannica/, he has made numerous television appearances. He lives in London.

Reviews

[Hannah · Rating 2 out of 5]

More than a a little bit dry.

The sourcing and research in this book was definitely impressive but it was really just a padded out list. It could definitely have been improved by cutting out about 30% of the listed stories and focusing more on the background of the subjects. For example, we're told about the story of Isabeau Herman from Belgium whose execution almost caused a riot because of her youth and beauty and how she begged for forgiveness for the life she'd led. But who was Isabeau Herman? And what did she even do in order to be sent to the scaffold?
We're also often told of 'innocent' people preparing to do but it's never explained why they're innocent or given much further information at all.

There were some great anecdotes in the book and the research was obviously extensive but really, there was no need to include about ten successive stories about the rope breaking during a hanging.

[Elizabeth Kennedy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short vignettes looking into the executions of several people and how they were blundered. This book takes you all over the world and covers men and women and a variety of execution methods. Modern lethel injection, the electric chair, hanging, beheading etc. are all represented. Written by a Yeoman Warder of the Tower of London. Mildly interesting.

[savage_book_review · Rating 2 out of 5]

One of many books that has been sat on my Kindle for years without ever actually being read - I probably bought it on a 99p deal because it sounded interesting, but I just prefer physical books! Basically it does what it says on the tin; at a galloping pace, you travel the world and the centuries and read about various mishaps and mayhem that occurred before, during and after various methods of execution.

This sounds like an odd thing to say, but when I see this type of book I either expect it to be a) incredibly detailed, with perhaps each chapter being dedicated to a specific case to study from beginning to end, and/or b) written in such a way as to find the levity in such dark moments (kind of like Horrible Histories for grown ups). This was neither. The book is divided into types of punishment i.e. Guillotine, hanging, burning etc. The author starts by giving an overview of how the punishment should work, before going on to tell you about various examples of mistakes that were made when that type of punishment was employed. The problem is that there are only so many different ways these things can go wrong, and so it very quickly gets quite repetitive. And because there is only a brief consideration of the crime and backstory, you don't really learn anything. It's very much 'oh, another person who took three goes with the axe' kind of mentality... and on that note the author didn't even include one of the most interesting blunders in my opinion, Margaret Pole!

The author does try to go for comedy in a couple of places, but only succeeds in a few quite terrible dad jokes and puns. It completely misses the mark and so just feels a bit crass and uncomfortable.

It may be that the ebook formatting doesn't help, but I also found it an odd editorial decision to include short examples between each of the longer stories. The trouble is, as stated above the book is sorted by execution type, but these quick additions are just scattergun, sometimes being in completely the wrong section. There's no logical reason for this, and in some cases it's just quotes from the condemned or the death warrant, so not even really something that makes sense to be included.

That being said, there are a few interesting examples in here, mainly those where things went so badly wrong the condemned managed to walk away. And I have a huge amount of respect for the author as a Beefeater at the Tower - that must be an absolutely incredible job to have. So he definitely knows his stuff! I just wish it came through better on the page.

As an aside, the end of this book includes an extract from another one on a similar subject written by the same author. My only concern is that there are a few passages from that example that seem to have been lifted pretty much word for word from this one (or vice versa, not sure what order they were published in).

Overall, I'd say the idea in theory was great, but the execution was a bit of a blunder...

I'll get my coat...

[Robert Mckay · Rating 5 out of 5]

One hardly thinks that a former soldier, who then spent several years in the Tower of London as a yeoman warder, a "beefeater," would be an interesting writer. And one would especially not expect such a man to be able to write entertainingly and whimsically about blunders during the executions of criminals.

Well, Geoffrey Abbott surprised me. He's a mighty good writer, who mostly doesn't even sound British he writes so well, and he makes the gruesome entertaining and interesting.

Of course, he does this in part by not splashing the blood all over. Though he talks about real executions, some of them by bloody means such as decapitation, he keeps everything neat and clean. The subjects of the executions might have suffered terribly (the quest for humane means of capital punishment is a fairly recent thing), but we don't suffer reading about them.

Of course such a book isn't going to be for everyone. No doubt some will rise up in (self-)righteous indignation that anyone would ever write a book on this subject without categorically castigating and condemning anyone who would participate in an execution, or think that capital punishment is the only just punishment for certain crimes, or even find a book such as Mr. Abbott's entertaining. Well, Voltaire didn't actually say the line about fighting to the death for your right to say it, but the sentiment is valid - anyone who wants to burn this book (and there are always book burners, alas) is perfectly free to hold his views, and to express them (though not in my living room; let him remain in the public park, or wherever). I'll even defend his right to think, and say, that I'm a barbarous oaf, if that's what he chooses to think and say.

Meanwhile I'll recommend this book to those who take themselves less seriously, and who find history - even the history of execution - a fascinating subject.

[Butt Coffee · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book has an interesting concept, but the way it is wrote makes it hard to follow. Abbott first writes about the various ways people have been executed. Each section of the book focuses on a particular method of executing someone. He'd briefly describe what the person to be executed was accused of and then how the method failed on the first try. Immediately following that description, Abbott would insert this paragraph long section of a completely different person was executed without any issues and with zero context of why that person is being mentioned. It's completely random and he did this throughout the entire book which was incredibly annoying and frustrating. It's like filler information to pad out the book.

The book does get a bit repetitive as there's only so many ways a hanging or beheading via axe or guillotine can go wrong. Abbott decides to include ones that went wrong in the same way as the previous example went wrong. It gets old fast.

[Hamster YumYum · Rating 3 out of 5]

The topic of the book was certainly interesting, but it lacked in fluency and order of the story. First of all, it did not go in chronological order, which for some people maybe wouldn’t be an issue, but it did annoy me personally. Secondly, it was more of a list and compilation of copied texts from books I had already read before. Also I did not understand the concept of the little excerpts in cursive, because the were not in correlation with any of the people under whose names they were written. That aside though, this book was quite informative and gave a good insight into the work of executioners over time in Europe and a little bit overseas. Also it was written in slightly humorous tone which a bit lifted the heaviness of the topic.

[Kirby R. · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a brilliant little read this was! "The Executioner Always Chops Twice," while perhaps dealing with a somewhat unsettling topic, proves to be macabrely delightful. From humorous anecdotes and wordings to those who cheated their executions to, surprisingly enough, a happy ending, the book manages to be somewhat lighthearted. If I had a complaint, it would be that some of the blunders are quite similar (resulting in over one hundred pages worth of hanging incidents), and that can sometimes get a bit redundant. Overall, however, I found the book to be interesting and quaint. I'm quite the fan of Abbott, and this lived up to my expectations!

[Graham Clayton · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although this book is called "Execution Blunders", the first few pages are in fact devoted to methods of torture. This is a well researched and detailed book, full of grisly details of when executions went wrong. The book is fast-paced, full of historical tidbits, and entertaining in a macabre sort of way.

[Richard Hann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don't loose your head!

If you want to know more about the grusome subject of execution methods, and indeed blunders, I recommend this very informative book. It took me absolutely ages to finish it, but it is absolutely crammed full of information! Well worth a read. An excellent piece of work by the author, who has published several other books too.

[Buck Wilde · Rating 3 out of 5]

You remember America's Funniest Home Videos?

Europe's Funniest Mandatory Murders.

Kind of slow considering the subject matter, and most weren't real funny or unusual so much as inconvenient for everyone involved.

[Deb Lancaster · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting stuff but so badly put together. Reads like a rush job. Facts and stories are slapped next to each other with no discernible cohesion, making it an awkward read. Also, the author is no writer and routinely renders fascinating titbits dull as arses. Shame.

[Jody Nicholson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting, although too many similar hanging blunders! Why did nobody have a system?!

[Paula Knight · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book, found it a little hard to get into at 1st.

[Rachael · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very well-researched. Very entertaining for so macabre a topic. Will probably read again.

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely gives new meaning to gallows humor. This was a remarkably detailed, well researched account of bizarre happenings and often amazing coincidences surrounding condemned prisoners. It somehow managed to be worthy as an accurate historical reference in addition to an entertaining read. Not only were the individual anecdotes absorbing, it also gave me cause to view the subject matter - as it pertains to the historical aspect and of our modern day equivalents - from a different angle. Every story provided excellent insights encompassing the points of view of everyone involved.

[Flapper72 · Rating 2 out of 5]

I guess I chose this book because I have a macabre fascination with death and the fact that we used to murder people from our society in such brutal ways. I'm not sure that this really added a great deal to the information that I already had, just from being a relatively well read, informed person.
I found the book poorly put together with very little in the way of order. There seemed to be some system initially - discussing various ways that society has murdered its criminals and the modalities by which this was done (execution, lethal injection, torture etc) but then even this system fell apart. It then just became a rather random group of quotes and evidence from historical documents about different public executions with no logical sequence be that by country, modality or temporally. I finished the book because that's just what I (almost) always do but it wasn't a particularly enlightening, informative, enjoyable or well written book.

[Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

As well as this one Ive just read Amazing Stories Of Female Executions and although they were both interesting I would like to warn that they are not for the faint of heart, Author wise Geoffrey does a great job to describe the executions in fact he does to good a job, I like to think I am of strong mind and I have read some pretty gross books in my time but this (and the other) had me reaching a few times. In earlier times execution was not only more frequent but also more barbaric reaching the the extreme. For serious offence like harm to children etc I am in favour of the death penalty but even I feel these method are to extreme and I am glad we moved on from a lot of these.

Read these books at your own risk.

[Aoi · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars

The morbid topic in itself keeps you turning the pages. A book about the memorable executions taken place in history, with interspersed gallows humour.

Last month Will Summers and John Tipping were executed for housebreaking. At the gallows the hangman was intoxicated with strong liquor and, believing there were three for execution, attempted to put one of the ropes round the parson’s neck, and was with much difficulty prevented by the gaoler from doing so.

One can only admire the panache of the Frenchmen & women who met their ends with anecdotes witty enough to be passed down for generations.

[Billy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I borrowed this book from the Henderson County Public Library.

I got this book as part of some research. I like the stories and the hard information it gave. Some of the articles seemed to be written in an attempt to add some more dark humor to the subject but I don't think it succeeded very well or that it was necessary.

It was a very interesting book of recordings of executions throughout the ages. It did yield some good stories for the research side of things and I was educated in the course of reading it.

[tellemonstar]

So far so good. My only real complaint is the font size on my copy is hard on the eyes (even with my glasses). Some of the blunders are quite interesting though, unfortunately for both the condemned and the executioner.

EDIT - May 26. Finally finished. It was a very interesting book, but prehaps a little longer in places than necessary. Still, it was an informative account of the histpry of ca[ital punishment, the lengths some went to to avoid their punishment and the shift in culture to no longer holding public executions.

[David Vernon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Collecting (probably over 100 - I couldn't count them all) tales of bungled executions takes quite some research and Geoffrey Abbott should be congratulated on this element of his work. I was disappointed that there was not a little more biographical detail about some of the characters he discussed (and as many were aristocrats, this should not have been difficult). I would have preferred fewer executions described and more detail. Nonetheless, the book gives a good insight into the cruelty and barbarity of legal systems in the past.

[Colleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

After reading the synopsis of the book I thought it would be humorous in some morbid way, but it wasn't. Abbott gives a small summery of the crime, and the circumstances surrounding the botched executions. It’s very academic with lots of primary sources and very interesting. It’s a good book if you’re interested in European history and criminals although there are events that happen in America.

[Katy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kind of disturbing... scratch that... VERY disturbing... but oddly very interesting. It's disturbing to hear how much thought goes into torturing a human being (even if that person is a bad person), but even more disturbing to hear the part the audience played in executions... how they cheered the executions on, would come days in advance for good seats, etc...
But the history part of the book was really interesting and the last lines were humorous and thought-provoking.

[Shanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really interesting book detailing all sorts of horrible things that went wrong with public executions. Oddly enough, some of the stories had really happy endings.

At times, the "mistakes" tended to repeat which led to some parts (particularly the "hanging" bit. But otherwise, this book was both interesting and disturbing.

[Linda Lipko · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick book to read on an airplane when you want diversion but nothing to read that is in depth.

Because I'm fascinated by European history, I thought I'd read this book containing stories of the executions of Mary Queen of Scots, Anne Boleyn and various other notables.

Amid the gore, the author mixed facts with humor.

[Jim McIntosh · Rating 3 out of 5]

How can one describe thus book? A quick read. A horror fan's ultimate bathroom book. Definitely filled with schadenfreude, although the recent lethal injection mishaps are worse than those recounted in this book. If tales of people poorly hung, burnt at the stake, beheaded, etc. interest you, then this book is for you.

[Stefanie Robinson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read another book about the methods of execution that were employed throughout history, which was really good. I was excited to find this one by the same author about blunders. Who doesn't love when things do not go as planned, even with executions. I thought this was a very entertaining book, though slightly morbid.

[Andrea · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was an entertaining read for the first half, talking about various execution methods... the second half focuses on real people's stories on how they were executed. It was a little redundant, but still somewhat interesting. I admit I skimmed through the second half.

[Kimmyh · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was certainly interesting, even if morbidly so. I shouldn't have read it as you would a novel, however, as it got to be a bit monotonous and considering the people written about were real and not fictional characters, it shouldn't have felt that way.

[Jennifer Daniel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This morbid compilation was right up my sick and twisted alley! As if public execution wasn't fun enough, a botched one is twice as nice.