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This Is Not for You
Jane Rule’s second novel follows a group of friends through New York and abroad as they explore the freedoms—and limitations—of sexuality in a time of stifling social convention
Katherine George—Kate to her intimates—is captain of her high school debating and swimming teams. But beneath her high-achieving exterior is a young woman on a quest for meaning and fulfilling relationships. Through her decades-long correspondence with Esther, the woman with whom she falls passionately in love, Kate shares the story of her journey into womanhood. As the sexually repressed fifties gives way to the liberated sixties, Kate’s odyssey takes her further and further from home. This Is Not for You also chronicles the travails of Kate’s intimate circle of friends as they, too, come to terms with their sexuality. Years pass before Kate writes her last letter, and can finally let go and move on. Reissued decades after it first appeared, this is a cathartic, unforgettable novel about the search for identity, intimacy, and love.
Katherine George—Kate to her intimates—is captain of her high school debating and swimming teams. But beneath her high-achieving exterior is a young woman on a quest for meaning and fulfilling relationships. Through her decades-long correspondence with Esther, the woman with whom she falls passionately in love, Kate shares the story of her journey into womanhood. As the sexually repressed fifties gives way to the liberated sixties, Kate’s odyssey takes her further and further from home. This Is Not for You also chronicles the travails of Kate’s intimate circle of friends as they, too, come to terms with their sexuality. Years pass before Kate writes her last letter, and can finally let go and move on. Reissued decades after it first appeared, this is a cathartic, unforgettable novel about the search for identity, intimacy, and love.
300 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1970
30 people are currently reading
670 people want to read
About the author
Jane Rule
33 books88 followersJane Vance Rule was a Canadian writer of lesbian-themed novels and non-fiction. American by birth and Canadian by choice, Rule's pioneering work as a writer and activist reached across borders.
Rule was born on March 28, 1931, in Plainfield, New Jersey, and raised in the Midwest and California. She earned a bachelor’s degree in English from Mills College in 1952. In 1954 she joined the faculty of the Concord Academy, a private school in Massachusetts. There Rule met Helen Sonthoff, a fellow faculty member who became her life partner. They settled in Vancouver in 1956. Eventually they both held positions at the University of British Columbia until 1976 when they moved to Galiano Island. Sonthoff died in 2000, at 83. Rule died at the age of 76 on November 28, 2007 at her home on Galiano Island due to complications from liver cancer, refusing any treatment that would take her from the island.
A major literary figure in Canada, she wrote seven novels as well as short stories and nonfiction. But it was for Desert of the Heart that she remained best known. The novel published in 1964, is about a professor of English literature who meets and falls in love with a casino worker in Reno. It was made into a movie by Donna Deitch called Desert Hearts in 1985, which quickly became a lesbian classic.
Rule, who became a Canadian citizen in the 1960s, was awarded the Order of British Columbia in 1998 and the Order of Canada in 2007. In 1994, Rule was the subject of a Genie-awarding winning documentary, Fiction and Other Truths; a film about Jane Rule, directed by Lynne Fernie and Aerlyn Weissman, produced by Rina Fraticelli. She received the Canadian Authors Association best novel and best short story awards, the American Gay Academic Literature Award, the U.S. Fund for Human Dignity Award of Merit, the CNIB's Talking Book of the Year Award and an honorary doctorate of letters from the University of British Columbia. In January of 2007, Rule was awarded the Alice B. Toklas Medal “for her long and storied career as a lesbian novelist.”
Proud Life - Jane Rule: 1931 - 2007 by Marilyn Schuster
Jane Rule 1996 - George Woodcock Lifetime Achievement Award
Rule was born on March 28, 1931, in Plainfield, New Jersey, and raised in the Midwest and California. She earned a bachelor’s degree in English from Mills College in 1952. In 1954 she joined the faculty of the Concord Academy, a private school in Massachusetts. There Rule met Helen Sonthoff, a fellow faculty member who became her life partner. They settled in Vancouver in 1956. Eventually they both held positions at the University of British Columbia until 1976 when they moved to Galiano Island. Sonthoff died in 2000, at 83. Rule died at the age of 76 on November 28, 2007 at her home on Galiano Island due to complications from liver cancer, refusing any treatment that would take her from the island.
A major literary figure in Canada, she wrote seven novels as well as short stories and nonfiction. But it was for Desert of the Heart that she remained best known. The novel published in 1964, is about a professor of English literature who meets and falls in love with a casino worker in Reno. It was made into a movie by Donna Deitch called Desert Hearts in 1985, which quickly became a lesbian classic.
Rule, who became a Canadian citizen in the 1960s, was awarded the Order of British Columbia in 1998 and the Order of Canada in 2007. In 1994, Rule was the subject of a Genie-awarding winning documentary, Fiction and Other Truths; a film about Jane Rule, directed by Lynne Fernie and Aerlyn Weissman, produced by Rina Fraticelli. She received the Canadian Authors Association best novel and best short story awards, the American Gay Academic Literature Award, the U.S. Fund for Human Dignity Award of Merit, the CNIB's Talking Book of the Year Award and an honorary doctorate of letters from the University of British Columbia. In January of 2007, Rule was awarded the Alice B. Toklas Medal “for her long and storied career as a lesbian novelist.”
Proud Life - Jane Rule: 1931 - 2007 by Marilyn Schuster
Jane Rule 1996 - George Woodcock Lifetime Achievement Award
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March 3, 2017Things I love about this book include the cover, the title, and the fact that I got it at the Lesbian Herstory Archives book sale. It is hard for me to read it without imagining it being spoken in a Very Serious monotone.
January 9, 2017
This is a wonderfully written book; intelligent, philosophical, and in great literary style. I love writers who can depict so much through dialogue alone, and who can jump so seamlessly through time without giving you whiplash.
But frankly, I hated the ending. I hated the ending, at the beginning. I hated knowing how dissatisfied I was going to be. I hated the fact I wanted to slap the narrator into being.
This is a painful book. I don't remember a jot of happiness, in a world that ought to have been brimming with it.
And yet I read it. And some how loved it - possibly because at every opportunity I wrote in scenes of possibility, and laughter and intimacy and candour and vulnerability where there had been none.
I'm not sure if the book would work with the one scene we all need in it, but I've a feeling it would.
But frankly, I hated the ending. I hated the ending, at the beginning. I hated knowing how dissatisfied I was going to be. I hated the fact I wanted to slap the narrator into being.
This is a painful book. I don't remember a jot of happiness, in a world that ought to have been brimming with it.
And yet I read it. And some how loved it - possibly because at every opportunity I wrote in scenes of possibility, and laughter and intimacy and candour and vulnerability where there had been none.
I'm not sure if the book would work with the one scene we all need in it, but I've a feeling it would.
November 9, 2025
This is truly such a forgotten lesbian classic that I am so impressed with my ability to scout out in a secondhand book fair only organised by alphabet. It was quite unfamiliar to read a book of such constant misery truly only about the journey of this angst, rather than a gradual buildup to an ending that was presented at surface level at the very beginning. Reading this was only about the journey of utter feeling with no uplifting conclusion other than the fact that it took until the very end for Kate to admit out loud, and even to herself, that she is in love with Esther. The sheer difficulty of this being drawn out so long was heartbreaking, if frustrating, though it is such an understandable result to these characters and their ultimately doomed ending from their own lack of action, as well as the societal pressures for them to be with rich, white men.
Kate herself is an unreliable and indistinct narrator, with so many contextual details of her job and the true nature of several of her own and other characters' relationships missing in favour of her internal monologue and focus on the characters of her family and Esther. Whilst this made reading troubling at times and it far too easy to gloss over events, such as randomly sleeping with Andrew, or jumping around places from London to America to Greece and whatnot it allowed for a focus on Kate's troubled internal character and inference about her own and other people's morals, whilst jumping through time more seamlessly than I would expect.
It was so curious to have so many moments of progression and potential of Kate and Esther's equal denial of themselves and nothing coming to fruition, with Kate going from claiming to detest extended time spent with Esther to taking that time for granted, missing her when she's gone but only planning her eventual leaving when she's there. I really opened up to Esther's character when she was providing so much support to Kate and her mother towards the middle of the book where you can really see them actually complementing each other, and Esther was able to reveal that she knew of Kate's unadmitted feelings for her (and obviously feels the same but equally lacks the courage to admit it), and hating Kate always pushing or sending her away. To watch Kate only do it again after Esther attempts to have this heart to heart was awful, and to watch her do it again and again even worse. It's so easy to just blame the lack of action between the pair as why they continue to reject each other, but when they live in a world constantly against who they are as lesbian women of colour, it's so difficult for them to even try conforming in cishet and predominantly white relationships, as Esther represents so many times even if she knows it is a rejection of herself. With Kate constantly rejecting Esther as an inability to even think herself good enough for her, and Esther constantly rejecting Kate by getting with men and engaging with ideologies conflicting with herself and Kate such as Christianity and crime, they tragically never seem to be capable of arriving on the same page, and if they do, they will push each other away anyway. Esther always has a man to run off to, never really letting herself confront her sexuality, and whilst Kate does somewhat, she doesn't take any sexual encounter seriously, whether man or woman, because it doesn't come as such a source of torment of hurting them or herself when the person isn't Esther.
It's a frustrating cycle to watch, but such an important gathering of historical context and the complexity of relationships and conflicting values of money, sex, and relationships, even among Kate's friends such as Andrew, Dan, Sandy and Monk. It's just like watching a sitcom without the comedy, where the characters are their own unpredictable plot devices and all there is to do is watch each decision unfold without being able to do anything about it. Almost like an older, less resolved version of Stone Butch Blues, with more comfort being found in the start and middle compared to the end.
Kate herself is an unreliable and indistinct narrator, with so many contextual details of her job and the true nature of several of her own and other characters' relationships missing in favour of her internal monologue and focus on the characters of her family and Esther. Whilst this made reading troubling at times and it far too easy to gloss over events, such as randomly sleeping with Andrew, or jumping around places from London to America to Greece and whatnot it allowed for a focus on Kate's troubled internal character and inference about her own and other people's morals, whilst jumping through time more seamlessly than I would expect.
It was so curious to have so many moments of progression and potential of Kate and Esther's equal denial of themselves and nothing coming to fruition, with Kate going from claiming to detest extended time spent with Esther to taking that time for granted, missing her when she's gone but only planning her eventual leaving when she's there. I really opened up to Esther's character when she was providing so much support to Kate and her mother towards the middle of the book where you can really see them actually complementing each other, and Esther was able to reveal that she knew of Kate's unadmitted feelings for her (and obviously feels the same but equally lacks the courage to admit it), and hating Kate always pushing or sending her away. To watch Kate only do it again after Esther attempts to have this heart to heart was awful, and to watch her do it again and again even worse. It's so easy to just blame the lack of action between the pair as why they continue to reject each other, but when they live in a world constantly against who they are as lesbian women of colour, it's so difficult for them to even try conforming in cishet and predominantly white relationships, as Esther represents so many times even if she knows it is a rejection of herself. With Kate constantly rejecting Esther as an inability to even think herself good enough for her, and Esther constantly rejecting Kate by getting with men and engaging with ideologies conflicting with herself and Kate such as Christianity and crime, they tragically never seem to be capable of arriving on the same page, and if they do, they will push each other away anyway. Esther always has a man to run off to, never really letting herself confront her sexuality, and whilst Kate does somewhat, she doesn't take any sexual encounter seriously, whether man or woman, because it doesn't come as such a source of torment of hurting them or herself when the person isn't Esther.
It's a frustrating cycle to watch, but such an important gathering of historical context and the complexity of relationships and conflicting values of money, sex, and relationships, even among Kate's friends such as Andrew, Dan, Sandy and Monk. It's just like watching a sitcom without the comedy, where the characters are their own unpredictable plot devices and all there is to do is watch each decision unfold without being able to do anything about it. Almost like an older, less resolved version of Stone Butch Blues, with more comfort being found in the start and middle compared to the end.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 17, 2008
This book made me feel smarter than I am. Which is to say that engaged me intellectually. The narrator has a real dry, detached way about her, that was both comforting and frustrating to me as a reader. A just the facts type telling. There was no way to get emotionally involved. If this was on purpose, to know the narrator, then this book is really brilliant. A character revealed by the way she remembers and recounts the past. Because I'm not sure if this is intended or just a weakness in storytelling by the author, I've rated it three stars. I suppose I don't trust Kate and/or I don't trust the author. I think it's the former really.
The story is told as a long letter, written by Kate to Esther. Sometimes it slips into just telling a story. Conversations she had with other people recalled with an accuracy that to me would be impossible. I couldn't quite place the time of the book. The 50's, the 70's. Looking back to a time in the 50's, 70's. It seems to be that Kate saved Esther by not loving her. Esther by the end of the book has dedicated her life to God and joined an order. She is the only one of her friends and family to believe in doing this. Her brother thinks she is selfish, turning her back on the world and her family and friends. Life itself. Personally, I have felt like doing the same thing. I would be much happier. Truly happy and I know it. Communion with God and to be surrounded by people who are as devout as you would be great. Praying for the world, giving up all (most) material goods. Some people see this as martyrdom. I just had the thought that someone who has this calling but also thinks that the world needs her participation, her contribution to somehow improve things in the world could also be looked at as a martyr. Sacrificing the personal dream for the benefit of others (the many). Anyway, Kate, the narrator, is a lesbian. She doesn't really get involved with people though. She has a few experiences in the book. Not detailed at all. They come out of nowhere and are just explained in a sentence. "We went to bed. There was no sequel." Most of her encounters are one night only things. She just can't bring herself to care or think those encounters are important. At one point she is involved with her boss, who is married, and she's not in love with her at all. Later in the book she lives with a straight older woman, Grace, who she loves and who loves her but Grace is really only in love with her work. Kate, from the time she met Esther, when she was 18 and Esther was 19, has been in love with her and Esther in love with her but Kate, I guess feels that she has to protect Esther from herself. I don't know if that's it. Esther ends up living her life in a very calculated way. She has plans and ideas about the way things should go as far as experiencing relationships and developing as a person. She has an affair, she steals things, shoe's, money from the collection plate, she gets involved with someone who is involved with drugs, at another point she is temporarily involved with a married man. She gets married to someone who is surprisingly like Kate. When she realizes her efforts at consumating sp? the marriage will never succeed, she is advised by her pastor to get an annulment. Her fascination with God and religion are evident from the beginning. The only thing that could have prevented her from joining the order, which she does when she is 27 or so, would've been if Kate had just loved her, told her, shown her, instead of keeping her at arm's length. I feel that Kate treated her badly. I have to concede that Kate knows herself well enough though to understand why she shouldn't get involved with Esther on that level. That reason is never fully conveyed to the reader though. Kate is someone I couldn't really like. I think love, when felt, should be expressed and experienced. Not necessarily sexually but at least it should be acknowledged. I am thinking about rating this four stars because of it's complexity. I've never read anything quite like this.
The story is told as a long letter, written by Kate to Esther. Sometimes it slips into just telling a story. Conversations she had with other people recalled with an accuracy that to me would be impossible. I couldn't quite place the time of the book. The 50's, the 70's. Looking back to a time in the 50's, 70's. It seems to be that Kate saved Esther by not loving her. Esther by the end of the book has dedicated her life to God and joined an order. She is the only one of her friends and family to believe in doing this. Her brother thinks she is selfish, turning her back on the world and her family and friends. Life itself. Personally, I have felt like doing the same thing. I would be much happier. Truly happy and I know it. Communion with God and to be surrounded by people who are as devout as you would be great. Praying for the world, giving up all (most) material goods. Some people see this as martyrdom. I just had the thought that someone who has this calling but also thinks that the world needs her participation, her contribution to somehow improve things in the world could also be looked at as a martyr. Sacrificing the personal dream for the benefit of others (the many). Anyway, Kate, the narrator, is a lesbian. She doesn't really get involved with people though. She has a few experiences in the book. Not detailed at all. They come out of nowhere and are just explained in a sentence. "We went to bed. There was no sequel." Most of her encounters are one night only things. She just can't bring herself to care or think those encounters are important. At one point she is involved with her boss, who is married, and she's not in love with her at all. Later in the book she lives with a straight older woman, Grace, who she loves and who loves her but Grace is really only in love with her work. Kate, from the time she met Esther, when she was 18 and Esther was 19, has been in love with her and Esther in love with her but Kate, I guess feels that she has to protect Esther from herself. I don't know if that's it. Esther ends up living her life in a very calculated way. She has plans and ideas about the way things should go as far as experiencing relationships and developing as a person. She has an affair, she steals things, shoe's, money from the collection plate, she gets involved with someone who is involved with drugs, at another point she is temporarily involved with a married man. She gets married to someone who is surprisingly like Kate. When she realizes her efforts at consumating sp? the marriage will never succeed, she is advised by her pastor to get an annulment. Her fascination with God and religion are evident from the beginning. The only thing that could have prevented her from joining the order, which she does when she is 27 or so, would've been if Kate had just loved her, told her, shown her, instead of keeping her at arm's length. I feel that Kate treated her badly. I have to concede that Kate knows herself well enough though to understand why she shouldn't get involved with Esther on that level. That reason is never fully conveyed to the reader though. Kate is someone I couldn't really like. I think love, when felt, should be expressed and experienced. Not necessarily sexually but at least it should be acknowledged. I am thinking about rating this four stars because of it's complexity. I've never read anything quite like this.
February 7, 2017
I like the dialogues the depiction of characters and their quirks. Other than "said" used more than I can condone, it was an enjoyable read. I dislike kate though...I kept asking why was she so afraid to at least attempt once to embrace her love. ..it's sad and as much as I feel everyone is their own life determiners, I do feel Kate's lack of action caused E's unhappy life.....E knew but she too was afraid of the possible rejection and so lived a life looking for that thing she already found in Kate but which kate won't act on...it's sad...they both consummated with other people but never with themselves.
February 17, 2007
That everyone makes different choices. My favorite book of all time.
October 11, 2025
I love this book, although it makes me sad. It's beautifully written, and I really like and feel for Kate. I could keep analyzing these characters for a long time.
September 7, 2007
Very painful story; beautifully written.
August 6, 2011
I just loved this book so much. It's beautiful and heart breaking and true. Every time I read it, I just love it more.
August 7, 2012
Vaguely remember really liking this character driven book of self-discovery.
August 26, 2013
beautifully written and heart breaking
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May 9, 2015My favorite book of all time. Kate and Esther are still in my head. I don't want them to leave ever
February 17, 2019
Well-written and understated, driven by dialogue. A glimpse into the 1950s showing an angle not frequently seen in fiction.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews