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Voor een verloren soldaat
Herinneringen aan het laatste oorlogsjaar brengen Jeroen, de hoofdpersoon van VOOR EEN VERLOREN SOLDAAT, in verwarring. De verlossing van de onderdrukking werd voor de toen twaalfjarige jongen een obsederende ervaring toen een bevrijder een intieme vriendschap met hem forceerde. Jeroen werd tijdens de hongerwinter van Amsterdam naar Friesland geëvacueerd. Voor de meesten was dat een indringende ervaring, een volstrekt buiten elk patroon vallende en bevreemdende vakantie. Hij komt terecht bij een vriendelijke vissersfamilie in een desolate kuststreek. De jongen ondergaat de vriendschap en het voornamelijk lichamelijk contact met de bevrijder intens. Ogenschijnlijk redt hij zich aardig maar er is veel dat hem verwart.
255 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 1986
39 people are currently reading
935 people want to read
About the author
Rudi van Dantzig
17 books13 followersRudi van Dantzig (Amsterdam, 4 August 1933 - 19 January 2012), was a Dutch choreographer, ballet dancer and writer. Since 1965 he was co-artistic leader of Het Nationale Ballet (Amsterdam, The Netherlands). After Sonia Gaskell (left in 1969) and his other colleague left in 1971, he was the only artistic leader, till 1991.
In 1986 he wrote an autobiographical novel, Voor een verloren soldaat, about his love affair while a young boy with a Canadian soldier, which became a great success. It was awarded several times and a film was made of it. An English translation, For a Lost Soldier, was published in 1996. Van Dantzig published a biography of the Dutch artist and resistance fighter Willem Arondeus in 2003.
Van Dantzig died in 2012, aged 78 from lymphoma and male breast cancer.
In 1986 he wrote an autobiographical novel, Voor een verloren soldaat, about his love affair while a young boy with a Canadian soldier, which became a great success. It was awarded several times and a film was made of it. An English translation, For a Lost Soldier, was published in 1996. Van Dantzig published a biography of the Dutch artist and resistance fighter Willem Arondeus in 2003.
Van Dantzig died in 2012, aged 78 from lymphoma and male breast cancer.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 74 reviews
June 24, 2021
I loved the movie and was desperate for a copy of the book, alas it could not be found. Then a few years later some amazing person on IMDb had a pdf copy that they shared with me. The book was even more amazing than the movie. It was much more graphic, but as we were in Jeroen's head it never seemed 'wrong'. It was very emotionally involving and I even almost cried a couple of times.
PS, I've had a few people requesting a copy of the book, I've uploaded it here: http://www.4shared.com/office/0tDMfY1...
PS, I've had a few people requesting a copy of the book, I've uploaded it here: http://www.4shared.com/office/0tDMfY1...
December 21, 2011
I saw the movie several times, and came across a copy of the book through Barnes and Nobles. I had trouble ordering it -- trouble communicating with American Express, but I persisted and the book came yesterday. What moved me in the film was the way Jerone was drawn to Walt and the boy's fear. Early in my own childhood I was attracted to some of the older boys in the small town where I lived. And some of them flirted and encouraged me, but not with the magnetism and persistance of Walt.
What the boy needs to do is to let go of the internal instincts that he has been given by his society/culture. Eventually it is clear that he has been a willing partner with Walt and has fallen in love with him. The boy's love intensifies after Walt leaves the small village where he has been posted in Holland. I was amazed to discover that about a third of the novel is given over to the boy's experience when he returns to Amsterdam after the war is ended. It is in the last part of the novel that the reader is aware of a disconnectedness that emerges for Jerone; he looks for his former lover and feels detached from the life he has returned to. His intensity borders on a mental collapse. At the end of the novel the reader encounters the strong impact of Walt on the boy. Jerone is an adult and in his remembrance of Walt and at the very end imagines his hand on his knee, in a sexual fantasy of his. The novel is a greater work. In that it is more complex. The reader doesn't have the happy conclusion of the lost soldier being found. In 1980 when the Canadian soldiers return to Amsterdam to celebrate the Anniversary of the end of the war, Jerone makes an effort to locate Walt, but to no success. And the older Jerone is resolved to knowing the experience in reality is dead, the possiblity of a reunion is dead -- and ultimately his desire for the real find of the soldier is dead. And the incredible romance is alive for him only in that mysterious and wonderful realm of remembrance, of imagination. The novel is superior to the film although that is quite lovely also. The book and the film have haunted me, with the sense of both the beauty and tragedy of life. The novel respresents a familiar story for the gay man, who loved in his childhood. A finely crafted novel -- compelling. I think one of the very finest gay novels that I have read. Larry Manglitz
What the boy needs to do is to let go of the internal instincts that he has been given by his society/culture. Eventually it is clear that he has been a willing partner with Walt and has fallen in love with him. The boy's love intensifies after Walt leaves the small village where he has been posted in Holland. I was amazed to discover that about a third of the novel is given over to the boy's experience when he returns to Amsterdam after the war is ended. It is in the last part of the novel that the reader is aware of a disconnectedness that emerges for Jerone; he looks for his former lover and feels detached from the life he has returned to. His intensity borders on a mental collapse. At the end of the novel the reader encounters the strong impact of Walt on the boy. Jerone is an adult and in his remembrance of Walt and at the very end imagines his hand on his knee, in a sexual fantasy of his. The novel is a greater work. In that it is more complex. The reader doesn't have the happy conclusion of the lost soldier being found. In 1980 when the Canadian soldiers return to Amsterdam to celebrate the Anniversary of the end of the war, Jerone makes an effort to locate Walt, but to no success. And the older Jerone is resolved to knowing the experience in reality is dead, the possiblity of a reunion is dead -- and ultimately his desire for the real find of the soldier is dead. And the incredible romance is alive for him only in that mysterious and wonderful realm of remembrance, of imagination. The novel is superior to the film although that is quite lovely also. The book and the film have haunted me, with the sense of both the beauty and tragedy of life. The novel respresents a familiar story for the gay man, who loved in his childhood. A finely crafted novel -- compelling. I think one of the very finest gay novels that I have read. Larry Manglitz
November 13, 2025
I read this novel back in the 1980s, long before I saw the film, I actually borrowed the book from my local library (I should have kept it I've seen copies for sale for as much as £800+ or $1,000+). That the novel is almost impossible to obtain (the Dutch original 'Voor een Verloren Soldaat' is available on Kindle - but how many people outside the Netherlands read Dutch?) - with no copies of the paperback available as of November 2025 - shows how times change but I also think it unfortunate because the novel is not a paean to the joys of inter-generational man-boy love (unlike the film - but more of that later).
The novel 'For A Lost Soldier' is about a young boy, without a father, who - because of WWII - is sent by his mother to live with an aunt in the country. He is lonely and out of place in the country, his aunt and cousin are not very welcoming and on top of everything he is struggling to understand his emerging sexual attraction to other boys. It is a tale of wartime, loneliness, being gay, so many things - that in this atmosphere and remember there was no acceptance of homosexuality or guidance or people a boy could to turn to. Being fatherless and away from his mother living with relatives who don't want him it is not surprising that when his village is liberated by Allied (I think Canadian) soldiers that he hero worships/falls in love with one of the soldiers. For the boy the boy this was perfectly natural - he was surrounded by girls doing exactly the same.
The point is that in the novel what he wants is a big brother - he enjoys being petted, kissed and fondled - but the sex when it comes is forced. There is no suggestion that is anything but painful, in fact a rape, but the boy keeps coming back to the soldier for love and accepts the sex as the price to pay for it. The salient point about the novel is that it is not one of those maudlin and dishonest celebrations of man-boy love. The disjunction between what a barely pubertal boy wants and what a man wants has never been so clearly portrayed.
If you read the English language reviews of the book many of them hate it because it isn't the romantic tale of man-boy love that the film transferred the novel into. Unfortunately the film (which is also very difficult to get hold of) has probably reflected its romantic distortions back onto the novel so that people presume this novel is something it is not.
Is there any point in saying that this is fine, intelligent and rather lovely novel about wartime, family, loneliness and realising you are gay? It is almost impossible to obtain (I believe it is available at Internet Archive) but it is worth reading and a million times better then the film - and completely different in the intent and ending.
The novel 'For A Lost Soldier' is about a young boy, without a father, who - because of WWII - is sent by his mother to live with an aunt in the country. He is lonely and out of place in the country, his aunt and cousin are not very welcoming and on top of everything he is struggling to understand his emerging sexual attraction to other boys. It is a tale of wartime, loneliness, being gay, so many things - that in this atmosphere and remember there was no acceptance of homosexuality or guidance or people a boy could to turn to. Being fatherless and away from his mother living with relatives who don't want him it is not surprising that when his village is liberated by Allied (I think Canadian) soldiers that he hero worships/falls in love with one of the soldiers. For the boy the boy this was perfectly natural - he was surrounded by girls doing exactly the same.
The point is that in the novel what he wants is a big brother - he enjoys being petted, kissed and fondled - but the sex when it comes is forced. There is no suggestion that is anything but painful, in fact a rape, but the boy keeps coming back to the soldier for love and accepts the sex as the price to pay for it. The salient point about the novel is that it is not one of those maudlin and dishonest celebrations of man-boy love. The disjunction between what a barely pubertal boy wants and what a man wants has never been so clearly portrayed.
If you read the English language reviews of the book many of them hate it because it isn't the romantic tale of man-boy love that the film transferred the novel into. Unfortunately the film (which is also very difficult to get hold of) has probably reflected its romantic distortions back onto the novel so that people presume this novel is something it is not.
Is there any point in saying that this is fine, intelligent and rather lovely novel about wartime, family, loneliness and realising you are gay? It is almost impossible to obtain (I believe it is available at Internet Archive) but it is worth reading and a million times better then the film - and completely different in the intent and ending.
January 19, 2010
As an extremely difficult book to find, the few English editions available are priced quite expensively, most ranging from $100 to $200 on any given site. Because of this, I was very reluctant to purchase it, fearing its contents would not be worth the price. However, I received this book from my mother for my birthday in 2007 and, since then, it has become one of my favorites.
This, to me, is truly one of the most mesmerizing and brilliant pieces of literature I’ve read. This story holds a startling but brilliant social commentary, ranging from relationships to war to poverty. Every scene in this book is fascinating. And the relationship between Jerome, the boy, and Walt, the soldier, is engaging from start to finish. Their encounter possesses both the ignorant fantasy of perfection while being painfully fated for an unhappy end. Like Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita, the reader will constantly debate whether the relationship portrayed here is immoral, whether both characters’ desires have outpaced their ability to perceive their meaning and consequences. And, just as Nabokov’s novel, there remain a handful of critics determined to dismiss For a Lost Soldier as nothing more than exploitive pornography. This criticism is largely unwarranted as even the slightest insight to Rudi van Dantzig’s life will inform the reader why this book has been written.
Very few books have made me feel as though I, as a person, have changed. This book is a rare exception and, because of that, I’ve found myself rereading it too many times to count. Even when I’m not reading it, I still revisit my favorite scenes, particularly the heartbreaking ending.
My one aggravation (which has not affected my rating since it is irrelevant to the original text), is that the English translation is clearly inferior to the original Dutch. I am far from fluent in Dutch, so reading the original edition would have been impossible, though it’s clear the beauty of van Dantzig’s writing was occasionally lost in translation, which leaves a variety of scenes poorly described and less fulfilling. However, being that For a Lost Soldier is virtually unknown in the West, I am eternally grateful to have been privileged with reading the novel. It’s both beautiful and tragic, and I’ll never forget the experience I had upon first reading it.
This, to me, is truly one of the most mesmerizing and brilliant pieces of literature I’ve read. This story holds a startling but brilliant social commentary, ranging from relationships to war to poverty. Every scene in this book is fascinating. And the relationship between Jerome, the boy, and Walt, the soldier, is engaging from start to finish. Their encounter possesses both the ignorant fantasy of perfection while being painfully fated for an unhappy end. Like Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita, the reader will constantly debate whether the relationship portrayed here is immoral, whether both characters’ desires have outpaced their ability to perceive their meaning and consequences. And, just as Nabokov’s novel, there remain a handful of critics determined to dismiss For a Lost Soldier as nothing more than exploitive pornography. This criticism is largely unwarranted as even the slightest insight to Rudi van Dantzig’s life will inform the reader why this book has been written.
Very few books have made me feel as though I, as a person, have changed. This book is a rare exception and, because of that, I’ve found myself rereading it too many times to count. Even when I’m not reading it, I still revisit my favorite scenes, particularly the heartbreaking ending.
My one aggravation (which has not affected my rating since it is irrelevant to the original text), is that the English translation is clearly inferior to the original Dutch. I am far from fluent in Dutch, so reading the original edition would have been impossible, though it’s clear the beauty of van Dantzig’s writing was occasionally lost in translation, which leaves a variety of scenes poorly described and less fulfilling. However, being that For a Lost Soldier is virtually unknown in the West, I am eternally grateful to have been privileged with reading the novel. It’s both beautiful and tragic, and I’ll never forget the experience I had upon first reading it.
April 1, 2016
I saw the film version of this book when it came out, and many other times since. I was extremely disappointed with the book version. Can you blame me? I thought it was well-written, based upon Jeroen's point of view, and there was certainly more detail to his story. My disappointment is completely based on the depiction of Walt in the book. The man is an uncaring jerk, and what he shared with Jeroen wasn't love, no matter how many people depict it so. Walt RAPED Jeroen; used him; played with his emotions; and then abandoned him. I'm not indicting inter-generational love here- this story is just not that. If there was any 'love', it came only from an impressionable boy, and was not returned by the man he 'loved'. I must admit that while reading this story, I wanted to reach into the book and punch Walt in the face. This may make my view sound rather pedestrian, but that's the way I felt.
June 10, 2020
Bueno, en este caso me gustó más la película que el libro.
Por Dios. ¿Qué leí?
No quiero atacar el libro por qué no lo odié. Y es que en realidad el problema no es el libro, ya que se basa en la historia que tuvo el autor. Más que eso es la opinión de la gente.
¿Qué es romántico? ¿Qué es bonito? WTF?!
El niño fue violado. Violadoo. Me sorprendí un montón al ver que desde un inicio Jeroen le tenía miedo, no se sentía cómodo, varias veces trató de zafarse de él. Lloraba y se negaba hacer esas cosas al principio. ¿Pero? Claro, porque Walter le hablaba bonito, porque le preguntaba si estaba bien pero nunca le preguntó si quería hacerlo, porque Jeroen le lloró cuando él se fue y le extrañaba, significa que es una historia de amor.
No porque sea niño significa que su inocencia y su clara inexperiencia sea una excusa para decir que él no entendía lo que pasaba, que por eso se asustaba, pero en realidad sí quería hacerlo, si le gustaba. NO! Aunque muy al fondo quiera y le guste, si en ese momento NO quiere hacerlo porque tiene MIEDO, entonces ESPERA a que sea lo suficientemente grande y maduro para que entienda lo que va a hacer. No lo empujes a algo—que probablemente termine haciendo de grande—cuando todavía es un niño de once años que no sabe nada sobre sí mismo.
Como dije, mi problema no es con el libro en si, por qué el autor nos está relatando su historia(y muy bonita su pluma, déjenme decir). Mi problema es que la gente lo está tomando como una historia de amor.
La película por otra parte me dio otra vibra. Más consensuada la cosa, no tan gráfica y más entendible.
Por Dios. ¿Qué leí?
No quiero atacar el libro por qué no lo odié. Y es que en realidad el problema no es el libro, ya que se basa en la historia que tuvo el autor. Más que eso es la opinión de la gente.
¿Qué es romántico? ¿Qué es bonito? WTF?!
El niño fue violado. Violadoo. Me sorprendí un montón al ver que desde un inicio Jeroen le tenía miedo, no se sentía cómodo, varias veces trató de zafarse de él. Lloraba y se negaba hacer esas cosas al principio. ¿Pero? Claro, porque Walter le hablaba bonito, porque le preguntaba si estaba bien pero nunca le preguntó si quería hacerlo, porque Jeroen le lloró cuando él se fue y le extrañaba, significa que es una historia de amor.
No porque sea niño significa que su inocencia y su clara inexperiencia sea una excusa para decir que él no entendía lo que pasaba, que por eso se asustaba, pero en realidad sí quería hacerlo, si le gustaba. NO! Aunque muy al fondo quiera y le guste, si en ese momento NO quiere hacerlo porque tiene MIEDO, entonces ESPERA a que sea lo suficientemente grande y maduro para que entienda lo que va a hacer. No lo empujes a algo—que probablemente termine haciendo de grande—cuando todavía es un niño de once años que no sabe nada sobre sí mismo.
Como dije, mi problema no es con el libro en si, por qué el autor nos está relatando su historia(y muy bonita su pluma, déjenme decir). Mi problema es que la gente lo está tomando como una historia de amor.
La película por otra parte me dio otra vibra. Más consensuada la cosa, no tan gráfica y más entendible.
May 25, 2021
I've been trying to catch up with my movie watch list after years of watching nothing at all, and Voor een Verloren Soldaat (original Dutch title) was one of the films on the list. Considering the year it was made, the way the subject was handled surprised me, so I investigated more and discovered it's based on this autobiographical book. The publisher went out of business years ago so technically the book is no longer available (might be available in a US/Canada library? no idea, i'm not from there), however there's people who's scanned or made ePub versions of it to make it available for anyone looking for it.
Rudi van Dantzig's autobiography differs a lot from the movie, specially in the origin and development of the relationship between him a.k.a Jeroen and the soldier Walt. While the movie portrays a somewhat tender, romantic relationship, the book portrays an abusive relationship where Walter is nothing but a threatening yet alluring liberator that puts Jeroen's life upside down in a tragic way.
The author evokes his child self with a lot of honesty and rawness characterized in pre-pubescent kids. Divided in three parts, first we follow Jeroen's POV adjusting to his new temporary life in Frisland with a big family of fishers/farmers, his only connection to the city is his neighbor Jan, who adapts quickly to the farmer's life and enjoyes it greatly compared to Jeroen. During their first 5 months in Frisland their friendship strengthens and deep, unknown and overwhelming feelings for Jan awakes in Jeroen, giving him bouts of internal turmoil. He's not alone, Jan is growing up too though his interests are more apt of a common boy. The second part consists of the liberation days, american soldiers are coming to Frisland however they have to rebuild the destroyed bridge to enter the town, all the people gathers in their extreme of the bridge, included Jeroen, who finds these strange young men mesmerizing in a way he quite doesn't comprehend yet. When the bridge gets fixed the soldiers are welcomed by the villagers and there's a special celebration in the church. Here's when Jeroen and Walt make contact for the first time and the blatant advances the soldier makes on the kid trigger a number of situations that will terrify and confuse Jeroen to no end, affecting his behavior with his adopted family and the kids around him. Without notice, one day the soldiers are no longer stationed in the borders of the small town, and the despair that ensues in Jeroen is unbearable to the point that the message from his parents that they'll take him back to Amsterdam is unimportant compared to not being seeing Walt again forever. Van Dantzig portrays the actions and the development of Jeroen's conflicted feelings for this soldier in such a raw and graphic manner that is difficult to read. In the last part of the book the anguish continues, Jeroen becomes so obsessed with Walt, with finding Walt, with trying to recall him in his memories that he feels completely disconnected from anything else, worrying his parents whilst he secretly embarks on a mission to search for his lost soldier among the troops that are still stationed in the city mingling with the citizens. A fruitless mission. Many years later in the day of the celebration of the liberation, watching the canadian veterans on TV he still ponders the whereabouts of the soldier that marked his life...
Honestly i don't know how to rate this book. I can't say i liked it because i was disgusted for half of it then crushed by the notion that this abused child, grew up with this grief in silence and only after 30 years told his story and even got the chance to participate in the making of a movie that probably portrays how he would have wanted his first experience of reciprocated love be. I hope it had helped him find closure.
Nevertheless, this was a poignant read, the story is magnifically well written and I was glued to the pages despite what was going on. For that alone it deserves a high rate.
Rudi van Dantzig's autobiography differs a lot from the movie, specially in the origin and development of the relationship between him a.k.a Jeroen and the soldier Walt. While the movie portrays a somewhat tender, romantic relationship, the book portrays an abusive relationship where Walter is nothing but a threatening yet alluring liberator that puts Jeroen's life upside down in a tragic way.
The author evokes his child self with a lot of honesty and rawness characterized in pre-pubescent kids. Divided in three parts, first we follow Jeroen's POV adjusting to his new temporary life in Frisland with a big family of fishers/farmers, his only connection to the city is his neighbor Jan, who adapts quickly to the farmer's life and enjoyes it greatly compared to Jeroen. During their first 5 months in Frisland their friendship strengthens and deep, unknown and overwhelming feelings for Jan awakes in Jeroen, giving him bouts of internal turmoil. He's not alone, Jan is growing up too though his interests are more apt of a common boy. The second part consists of the liberation days, american soldiers are coming to Frisland however they have to rebuild the destroyed bridge to enter the town, all the people gathers in their extreme of the bridge, included Jeroen, who finds these strange young men mesmerizing in a way he quite doesn't comprehend yet. When the bridge gets fixed the soldiers are welcomed by the villagers and there's a special celebration in the church. Here's when Jeroen and Walt make contact for the first time and the blatant advances the soldier makes on the kid trigger a number of situations that will terrify and confuse Jeroen to no end, affecting his behavior with his adopted family and the kids around him. Without notice, one day the soldiers are no longer stationed in the borders of the small town, and the despair that ensues in Jeroen is unbearable to the point that the message from his parents that they'll take him back to Amsterdam is unimportant compared to not being seeing Walt again forever. Van Dantzig portrays the actions and the development of Jeroen's conflicted feelings for this soldier in such a raw and graphic manner that is difficult to read. In the last part of the book the anguish continues, Jeroen becomes so obsessed with Walt, with finding Walt, with trying to recall him in his memories that he feels completely disconnected from anything else, worrying his parents whilst he secretly embarks on a mission to search for his lost soldier among the troops that are still stationed in the city mingling with the citizens. A fruitless mission. Many years later in the day of the celebration of the liberation, watching the canadian veterans on TV he still ponders the whereabouts of the soldier that marked his life...
Honestly i don't know how to rate this book. I can't say i liked it because i was disgusted for half of it then crushed by the notion that this abused child, grew up with this grief in silence and only after 30 years told his story and even got the chance to participate in the making of a movie that probably portrays how he would have wanted his first experience of reciprocated love be. I hope it had helped him find closure.
Nevertheless, this was a poignant read, the story is magnifically well written and I was glued to the pages despite what was going on. For that alone it deserves a high rate.
July 14, 2013
For a Lost Soldier
Rudi van Dantzig
If it weren't for the taboo subject matter this book would have gotten the praise and honor it deserves. Rudi van Dantzig has brilliantly evoked his childhood memories in the extraordinary situation he found himself at age 11 or 12 adrift in a strange culture, the people of Norther Holland spoke a dialect which I think was a mix of Dutch and English if I remember correctly, and as WW2 in Europe was in its final stages with the Germans in retreat, he was able to received no mail from his parents who had sent him along with other children as the farms there were able to provide food that was scarce in Amsterdam. He assumed he had been abandoned and mistook the molestation for love and decided he would be traveling with the soldier when his unit marched on. His anguish when the man disappears never to be found despite a desperate search in Amsterdam is hard to read.
Rudi van Dantzig
If it weren't for the taboo subject matter this book would have gotten the praise and honor it deserves. Rudi van Dantzig has brilliantly evoked his childhood memories in the extraordinary situation he found himself at age 11 or 12 adrift in a strange culture, the people of Norther Holland spoke a dialect which I think was a mix of Dutch and English if I remember correctly, and as WW2 in Europe was in its final stages with the Germans in retreat, he was able to received no mail from his parents who had sent him along with other children as the farms there were able to provide food that was scarce in Amsterdam. He assumed he had been abandoned and mistook the molestation for love and decided he would be traveling with the soldier when his unit marched on. His anguish when the man disappears never to be found despite a desperate search in Amsterdam is hard to read.
July 31, 2011
The author spilled his guts -- and they were beautiful.
November 18, 2022
Voor een verloren soldaat (1986) is volgens de omslag grotendeels autobiografisch. Wat er precies waar is van het verhaal doet er in wezen echter niet eens toe: choreograaf Rudi van Dantzig schreef bovenal een tot de verbeelding sprekend relaas van een 11-jarige Amsterdamse jongen die in het laatste jaar van de Tweede Wereldoorlog zonder zijn ouders bij een vissersfamilie in het Friese Laaxum wordt ondergebracht, daar de hongerwinter doorbrengt en na de bevrijding gefascineerd raakt door een jonge soldaat die seksuele interesse in hem toont.
In het eerste deel beschrijft Van Dantzig het leven op het streng christelijke platteland, gezien vanuit de ogen van een stadskind dat niet gewend is te bidden voor het eten. Onwillekeurig moest ik denken aan Het jongensuur van Andreas Burnier, dat rauwer is. De kinderblik tekent ook het tweede deel, waarin hoofdpersoon Jeroen soldaat Wolt [sic] ontmoet en spanning en verwarring zich van hem meester maken wanneer Wolt hem verleidt. Van Dantzig gebruikt het taalprobleem - thank you, victory - handig om de ongelijkheid tussen beiden te onderstrepen. Doordat het verhaal geschreven is vanuit Jeroen, verdwijnt de perversiteit echter naar de achtergrond. Van Dantzig wisselt de seksuele verlangens knap af met Jeroens onvermogen om zijn gevoelens te begrijpen en diens kinderlijke angsten en hoop.
Voor een verloren soldaat is vooral een persoonlijk verhaal. Als tijdsdocument deed het me weinig: het gebruik van de tegenwoordige tijd maakt het verhaal vlot, maar ik kon me niet aan de indruk onttrekken dat de wereldgeschiedenis niet meer dan een toevallig decor was om een sensuele jongensdroom te vertellen. Als gevolg van het gekozen perspectief komen de personages om Jeroen heen niet tot hun recht. Het slotstuk was bovendien zwak.
In het eerste deel beschrijft Van Dantzig het leven op het streng christelijke platteland, gezien vanuit de ogen van een stadskind dat niet gewend is te bidden voor het eten. Onwillekeurig moest ik denken aan Het jongensuur van Andreas Burnier, dat rauwer is. De kinderblik tekent ook het tweede deel, waarin hoofdpersoon Jeroen soldaat Wolt [sic] ontmoet en spanning en verwarring zich van hem meester maken wanneer Wolt hem verleidt. Van Dantzig gebruikt het taalprobleem - thank you, victory - handig om de ongelijkheid tussen beiden te onderstrepen. Doordat het verhaal geschreven is vanuit Jeroen, verdwijnt de perversiteit echter naar de achtergrond. Van Dantzig wisselt de seksuele verlangens knap af met Jeroens onvermogen om zijn gevoelens te begrijpen en diens kinderlijke angsten en hoop.
’Hij zal me meenemen,’ denk ik, ‘als ik niets meer van thuis hoor blijf ik bij hem, hij zal met de auto op me wachten en dan rijden we naar zijn land.’
Voor een verloren soldaat is vooral een persoonlijk verhaal. Als tijdsdocument deed het me weinig: het gebruik van de tegenwoordige tijd maakt het verhaal vlot, maar ik kon me niet aan de indruk onttrekken dat de wereldgeschiedenis niet meer dan een toevallig decor was om een sensuele jongensdroom te vertellen. Als gevolg van het gekozen perspectief komen de personages om Jeroen heen niet tot hun recht. Het slotstuk was bovendien zwak.
October 2, 2025
Debuut uit in 1986 van Rudi van Dantzig (1933 – 2012). Bijzonder goed geschreven. Autofictie. Als 11-jarige werd hij in 1944 door zijn ouders in Amsterdam op een transport gezet naar Friesland om daar bij een gastgezin de winter door te komen. Het was voor mij een herlezing maar kon me er weinig meer van herinneren behalve dat er iets tussen een soldaat en Jeroen, de ik-figuur, gebeurde. Die ontmoeting tussen Walt, een jonge Canadese soldaat, en Jeroen vond ik nu heel aangrijpend om te lezen. Beklemmend. Ongemakkelijk ook. In de NRC-recensie uit 1986 wordt gesproken over een seksuele aanval. Tegenwoordig zouden we zeggen verkrachting. Van Dantzig zei daarover in een interview in De Groene in 1998:
“Na de oorlog zat ik verschrikkelijk in de knoop door dat hele verhaal dat ik in De Soldaat beschreven heb. Ik kon er niet met mijn ouders over praten. Mijn broertje had alle aandacht nodig. Ik stond volkomen in de kou.”
Onlangs hoorde ik Dr. Gabor Maté online zeggen dat het grootste trauma vaak is dat je er niet over kunt praten met iemand.
Hij weet in dit boek prachtig de verwarring onder woorden te brengen van wat hem als kind is overkomen. Maar ook dat ontheemde gevoel van een jaar bij een ander gezin doorbrengen op het platteland. Als de bevrijding een feit is in 1945 lezen we:
114 Hier en daar zijn langs de dorpsstraat voorzichtig wat meer vlaggen verschenen, als schuw opgestoken handen. Het zien van de weg, versierd met onverwachte kleurvlekken, vergroot mijn opwinding nog, het is of het allemaal voor mij gebeurt, die vlaggen, alle onrust en spanning; dit is de afsluiting van mijn verbanning, de komst van de soldaten betekent het eind van de scheiding met mijn ouders, ze zullen komen en ik zal weer naar huis gaan!
“Na de oorlog zat ik verschrikkelijk in de knoop door dat hele verhaal dat ik in De Soldaat beschreven heb. Ik kon er niet met mijn ouders over praten. Mijn broertje had alle aandacht nodig. Ik stond volkomen in de kou.”
Onlangs hoorde ik Dr. Gabor Maté online zeggen dat het grootste trauma vaak is dat je er niet over kunt praten met iemand.
Hij weet in dit boek prachtig de verwarring onder woorden te brengen van wat hem als kind is overkomen. Maar ook dat ontheemde gevoel van een jaar bij een ander gezin doorbrengen op het platteland. Als de bevrijding een feit is in 1945 lezen we:
114 Hier en daar zijn langs de dorpsstraat voorzichtig wat meer vlaggen verschenen, als schuw opgestoken handen. Het zien van de weg, versierd met onverwachte kleurvlekken, vergroot mijn opwinding nog, het is of het allemaal voor mij gebeurt, die vlaggen, alle onrust en spanning; dit is de afsluiting van mijn verbanning, de komst van de soldaten betekent het eind van de scheiding met mijn ouders, ze zullen komen en ik zal weer naar huis gaan!
October 27, 2024
? Leeskring Zoetermeer
#jeugdervaringen; oorlogservaringen; homoseksuele mannen
🤔De beeldende schrijfstijl beviel me goed en ook het verhaal bleef boeiend tot het einde. Ik moest tijdens het verhaal wel denken aan onder meer Mijn lieve gunsteling waardoor het verhaal net als bij dit boek je wel aan het denken zet. Het was toch een jongen van 11 die seksuele handelingen deed met een Amerikaanse soldaat van rond 20 jaar, maar omdat het vanuit die jongen geschreven is, komt het minder als (kinder)misbruik over, meer als een eerste verliefdheid.
MW27/10/24
#jeugdervaringen; oorlogservaringen; homoseksuele mannen
🤔De beeldende schrijfstijl beviel me goed en ook het verhaal bleef boeiend tot het einde. Ik moest tijdens het verhaal wel denken aan onder meer Mijn lieve gunsteling waardoor het verhaal net als bij dit boek je wel aan het denken zet. Het was toch een jongen van 11 die seksuele handelingen deed met een Amerikaanse soldaat van rond 20 jaar, maar omdat het vanuit die jongen geschreven is, komt het minder als (kinder)misbruik over, meer als een eerste verliefdheid.
MW27/10/24
July 11, 2016
I had not expected this novel until I had watched the film and intended to look for reviews on it. In the film, the soldier was true-hearted and wanted but did not know how to tell Jeroen about his deployment or departure. In the novel, he just went vanished without bothering leaving a note or giving the boy a last glance that the author hoped for even at the end of his life.
What saddened me more was not the fact that the soldier never came back to Jeroen, but that the soldier never wanted Jeroen and treated him as a sex object. The image in which the blond soldier guarding them, Walt mingling with a soldier near the seawall invited Jeroen for the sexual acts scared and disappointed me the most, asking myself why he would do that to Jeroen, even continuing with the soldier without him. All these traces tell the readers that Walt did not have a feeling for Jeroen, at least not a lovely one.
Jeroen became so obsessed of Walt even whilst back to Amsterdam, picturing Walt and his sexual abuses everywhere he went and in everything he did. My heart was easily broken by simply putting myself in his shoes.
It is true that Jeroen, even grown-up, refused to admit that he was used by Walt and was still believing that the soldier loved him. My tears dropped, reading the last line of the novel. Walt was not there for him with the minister's wife and his mother. He was, and had always been, somewhere else, probably mingling on bed with other boys, as he did that in front of Jeroen without feeling guilty or even embarrassed.
That Walt would have sex with his comrades on his way back to his native country never thinking of Jeroen broke into my head and sadden me so easily even after having read the book for some time. I would imagine that the soldier had read this book, so well written for him, and he had contacted the author through the publisher... I sincerely hope that he did that...
What saddened me more was not the fact that the soldier never came back to Jeroen, but that the soldier never wanted Jeroen and treated him as a sex object. The image in which the blond soldier guarding them, Walt mingling with a soldier near the seawall invited Jeroen for the sexual acts scared and disappointed me the most, asking myself why he would do that to Jeroen, even continuing with the soldier without him. All these traces tell the readers that Walt did not have a feeling for Jeroen, at least not a lovely one.
Jeroen became so obsessed of Walt even whilst back to Amsterdam, picturing Walt and his sexual abuses everywhere he went and in everything he did. My heart was easily broken by simply putting myself in his shoes.
It is true that Jeroen, even grown-up, refused to admit that he was used by Walt and was still believing that the soldier loved him. My tears dropped, reading the last line of the novel. Walt was not there for him with the minister's wife and his mother. He was, and had always been, somewhere else, probably mingling on bed with other boys, as he did that in front of Jeroen without feeling guilty or even embarrassed.
That Walt would have sex with his comrades on his way back to his native country never thinking of Jeroen broke into my head and sadden me so easily even after having read the book for some time. I would imagine that the soldier had read this book, so well written for him, and he had contacted the author through the publisher... I sincerely hope that he did that...
June 30, 2016
The exceptional account of Jeroen - aka the author - has actually leaved a remarkable sign on my reader experience, differing by the movie on many ways, because of the psicology itself of every work: from the approaching of the protagonist - a way more scared, protection needing little child of 11 - to sexuality, to the Walt's aspect itself: a not "romantic", not "gentle", not "handsome" young motivated man on his 20's - a sensitive tribute of the director to the Rudi Van Dantzig's desire and lovely memory of these age - but an effectively uncaring, aggressive, scary-looking and way older beast longing for a prey to sex with and abuse to. But that doesn't care for the author - as for the reader himself: what matters, here, is Jeroen's point of view. Despite everything, I haven't been able to deny any little or big reflection that he builds up on the things happening around his universe; this, because of the writing style: a powerful one, where the fire of puberty incomes and surrounds the senses of a lonely boy who starts to discover himself for the first time. During the book, I really wanted to reach the arm and grab him, keeping him away from the lurking dangers he was going to. Poignant.
January 24, 2015
I finally got the English translation through the mail from Gay Men’s Press (British). Loved the book as much if not more than the film (which is excellent). Plot is slightly different. The book portrays the sexual experiences as being brutal (as they naturally would be between a twelve year-old and a young man), but Jeroen is ambivalent in both: wants the attention despite the pain. He feels a deep sense of longing and loss when he cannot locate Walt near the end of the war [perhaps a universal longing among pre-homosexual boys].
Other differences: no liberation parties in Friesland, only in Amsterdam; no photo with Jeroen’s “family” in Friesland; Jeroen’s mother washes the small photo of Walt left in the shirt pocket, not Mem, his foster mother, in Friesland; the “luxurious” abandoned house of the film (Nazi officers’ quarters) is much more primitively portrayed in the novel, a mere mattress on the floor, no shower, only a basin and pitcher.
The story evoked in me my own longing—perhaps universal among some gay men—for a beautiful strong young man who will love and protect the boy-me.
Other differences: no liberation parties in Friesland, only in Amsterdam; no photo with Jeroen’s “family” in Friesland; Jeroen’s mother washes the small photo of Walt left in the shirt pocket, not Mem, his foster mother, in Friesland; the “luxurious” abandoned house of the film (Nazi officers’ quarters) is much more primitively portrayed in the novel, a mere mattress on the floor, no shower, only a basin and pitcher.
The story evoked in me my own longing—perhaps universal among some gay men—for a beautiful strong young man who will love and protect the boy-me.
September 8, 2012
Readers should be aware that a great deal of the charm and delicacy of the film is not present in the novel. The likeable Walt of the film is a much colder, more abusive character, the sex is unflinching and lacks tenderness. Not only that, but Jeroen is a year younger than he is in the film adaptation: 11. Of course, that makes the novel all the more challenging and begs questions the film doesn't: Joroen is so passionately in love with the man who's used him that he goes on a quest to find him (which doesn't happen in the film). One can understand the boy's heartbreak at losing Walt in the (admittedly brave) film adaptation, but in the novel one is conscious of the misplaced affection of a victim, rather than a lover. It's a bit disturbing.
April 27, 2025
This is not a romance! I wonder if some of these reviews read with their eyes closed. Horrible, and beautifully written story about abuse and coming of age.
October 29, 2020
This book makes me feel the same as the CMBYN. Both of them are written in the first person and teem with psychological description that enables me to genuinely feel the author's emotion. Both describe the time-limited relationship. I can easily emphathize with the author maybe because of the same experience I have been through.
The first part of the novel emphasize the little boy's lonliness and isolation when he was sent to an strange foster family because of the war. He became timid and frightened when he left his parents and lived in a totally unfamiliar environmemt. He tremendously appreciated his friend who gives him consolation. There are about thirty pages depicts the story involved with the lost soldier. But it plays the indispensable role of the whole novel. The little boy met someone who always caressed him, constantly smiled at him, wanted him so desperately. Undoubtedly, he fell in this burning love. Love is blind and reckless. He lost himself with desire for his secret lover in this pure but immoral love.
When he left the country and came back to home, he felt unacceptable and overwhelmingly perplexed. He endeavor to trace the memory back. But he still fail to it even after thirty year's effort. In the last part, the author always describes the occasion when they are together out of a sudden. I can vividly feel the author's nostalgia for the lost soldier. The movie has adapted some plots. But the novel is fiercer and rougher in description.
The first part of the novel emphasize the little boy's lonliness and isolation when he was sent to an strange foster family because of the war. He became timid and frightened when he left his parents and lived in a totally unfamiliar environmemt. He tremendously appreciated his friend who gives him consolation. There are about thirty pages depicts the story involved with the lost soldier. But it plays the indispensable role of the whole novel. The little boy met someone who always caressed him, constantly smiled at him, wanted him so desperately. Undoubtedly, he fell in this burning love. Love is blind and reckless. He lost himself with desire for his secret lover in this pure but immoral love.
When he left the country and came back to home, he felt unacceptable and overwhelmingly perplexed. He endeavor to trace the memory back. But he still fail to it even after thirty year's effort. In the last part, the author always describes the occasion when they are together out of a sudden. I can vividly feel the author's nostalgia for the lost soldier. The movie has adapted some plots. But the novel is fiercer and rougher in description.
September 6, 2024
Ik had dit gelezen, omdat ik het op mijn leeslijst wilde zetten voor school. Het was geen slecht boek, maar ook niet iets wat ik zelf zomaar normaal zou uitkiezen. Ik werd ook hard gejumpscared, want ik wist niet wat er ging gebeuren.
August 2, 2021
Very different from the film, but enjoyed it, much more raw.
Was very hard to find a used copy, looks like they have all been snapped up. The various online versions were all automated OCR and very poor in some places. Borrowed a friend's copy and we transcribed and manually edited an eBook which can be downloaded in various formats here: https://codeberg.org/scheepsjongen/fo... (PDF, EPUB, kindle, etc..)
Was very hard to find a used copy, looks like they have all been snapped up. The various online versions were all automated OCR and very poor in some places. Borrowed a friend's copy and we transcribed and manually edited an eBook which can be downloaded in various formats here: https://codeberg.org/scheepsjongen/fo... (PDF, EPUB, kindle, etc..)
April 1, 2025
Mooi, mooi, mooi.
Ontzettend ontroerende beschrijving van de dagen na de Tweede Wereldoorlog en een jongetje dat een slachtoffer is van deze tijd. Net als Beitelaar, dat ik een maand hiervoor las, een boek dat kindermisbruik nuanceert(???). Dat klinkt misschien raar en dat is het ook, maar beide schrijvers zijn jammer genoeg ervaringsdeskundige op het gebied...
Ontzettend ontroerende beschrijving van de dagen na de Tweede Wereldoorlog en een jongetje dat een slachtoffer is van deze tijd. Net als Beitelaar, dat ik een maand hiervoor las, een boek dat kindermisbruik nuanceert(???). Dat klinkt misschien raar en dat is het ook, maar beide schrijvers zijn jammer genoeg ervaringsdeskundige op het gebied...
April 29, 2025
Best een heftig boek, met die soldaat. Het voelde allemaal heel fout, wat het ook is.
July 31, 2025
Raw and Unedited Review
(Lacks coherence and structure)
To say that this novel is complex would be an understatement.
I understand that anyone reading this novel could be brought under questioning for their intent and reasons for picking this.
As for me . . . It's quite complicated.
A huge chunk of the novel is so deeply relatable that it seems borderline biographical to me. I shall not be getting into that as it must be reserved for the ears of a licensed professional. But I am inclined to point out that this, naturally, has played a part in my experience of reading this novel and might also reflect certain parts of my review.
Now, I did some research and have come to understand that the novel is semi-autobiographical and that the author has used his own life experiences for it. This is the only excuse I could see for a book that so blatantly (and graphically) portrays such immoral and illegal relationships.
The book is written from an 11 year old boy, Jeroen's perspective, in the Nazi occupied Netherlands during World War II. I must say, including the dark parts, this novel is quite introspective and even philosophical at times. But I can't help but point this out: it is extremely paradoxical. That is the only word I could use to describe the content of this novel, and I shall try to elucidate this.
The book is partitioned into three parts:
• Part I - Hunger-Winter:
As the novel starts off, we see Jeroen's sadness, desperation and anger at being sent away for foster care. That he is in a place he where doesn't belong, amid strange people with strange lifestyles - save for his friend Jan. We see his struggle with trying to fit in by making himself small and out of everyone's way. Jeroen is seen to be incredibly timid, for obvious reasons, and the author does not fail in drawing out the reader's sympathy for him.
It is with this Jan that Jeroen starts to understand how different he is from others, and not just because of his reclusive personality. As he gradually starts to adjust his role of an interloper, he starts to experience new feelings, often times unwelcomed, towards Jan. He finds himself desiring and doesn't understand it. This both deeply scares him and entices him at the same time. And as the days pass by, he gets familiar to this foreign feeling but is still completely ignorant of what it means.
Until . . .
• Part II - Liberation:
Until soldiers from the Americas arrive to liberate them from the Nazis. And along comes the charming and bright Walter P. Narbutus.
I have nothing good to say about this freak. As a man in his early 20s, he shouldn't be anywhere near any "boys". It is incredibly disgusting and just wrong for a man to be doing anything to a boy - a child actually.
But as the novel tells us of Jeroen and his experience, we get an understanding of what it is like for a boy who has been having a rough time with experiencing foreign feelings, especially when he knows that they are wrong somehow - unnatural, so to say.
And here's a man, so much bigger, stronger and better than Jeroen is and lures him in with some gum - a rare foreign delicacy no less, to a kid living under foster care in a remote village in a country suffering from Nazi occupation while the world is at war. And the boy finds this exciting and thinks himself special. It's quite evident throughout the novel that the kid, having been "sent away", has seen it has being abandoned, and hence wants to belong to somewhere, someone. This makes it the perfect timing for a predator to take advantage of his vulnerability. 'The soldier noticed only me. I was the only one who was treated special.' This was his line of thought throughout the novel right until the very end and it both built and destroyed something beautiful in him.
I was going in blank, of course, hoping there are any redeeming qualities to this. But their first encounter absolutely shattered any of that.
Their first encounter - in fact, all of their encounters and rendezvous that involved any sexual activities (which they almost always did) were predatory, manipulative, and every sickening synonym you can find for a pedophile preying on a kid.
It isn't surprising at all that a man away from his homeland, and on war as a soldier, would look for someone in order to relieve himself. There are countless such atrocities over war ridden countries where foreign soldiers would rape (or consensually) women and leave them with children to care for, with no support, and the soldiers would run back to their homeland. This was the same thing for Walt. He was a horny mf in a foreign land as a soldier and he wanted a nice, young thing to use for his needs for as long as he was there. That was all there was to it for him.
But for Jeroen, it is his liberation . The soldier was there to liberate him from this place and take him away to the Americas. He made him feel things that he'd only ever dreamt of. The feeling of belonging to someone was finally there. The feeling of seeing, wanting, tasting and touching were all finally being realized. And here is why I initially stated that this entire experience was paradoxical to him. He both hated and loved it. He hated the man's touch on his skin, his taste in his mouth, his smell on his clothes and there was no questioning it. But he also wanted to see him again.
Every encounter would leave him a shuddering, frightened and crying mess. But he would still not want his time with the man to end; he would both dread and get giddy with anticipation for his next rendezvous with the soldier. The man fascinated him to no end that he practically worshiped him in his own way. His defined muscles, his sheer size, his hair to his feet, everything was to his eyes only. Jeroen wanted to own him and be owned by him.
And this makes me sad. Having disclaimed earlier about the novel being too relatable to me, I speak with deep sadness and sympathy for him. A boy who is just budding into his sexuality should be given discreet, reliable and safe opportunities to explore himself, with proper channels of education and care. I understand that he didn't have any of these given the time, place and the situation. Gay kids before 2000s or even 2010s never did. We all had to learn what the rights and wrongs were, the good and bad of it all, from our own experiences - which to say were naive would be kind.
In Jeroen I see a boy who was used, manipulated and taken advantage of and more evidently, gaslighted into thinking that this man who would lie with him, kiss him, do things to his body and say that he loved him, actually did. What's even more sad is that I see beauty in Jeroen's longing and love for this man. It's a child's love (or obsession, it could be both) nonetheless, but still special in its own fucked up way. And the author has done a decent job at making you feel this paradoxical way about the story.
So, I can't help but feel that if Jeroen had never been involved with Walt, he could have gone on to experience his sexuality in wildly different manner. I don't purport to say that that experience would be any better than this, but I must say the odds of it are indeed better compared to his plight due to Walt.
I shall spare from commenting further on the rest of the chapters in this part as they are mostly of the name nature.
• Part III - Freedom and Joy:
The soldier leaves for his homeland leaving the boy bereft in despair, longing and heartbroken. Wasn't a surprise, duh. The final part is quite depressing and incredibly sad plainly, to witness how shattered and hollow Jeroen was for having been left behind.
His soldier is gone without a word of goodbye when he thought he was special to him, that he loved him.
This part of his life where he had to live out his days in Friesland, where he met the soldier, was a scarring period to him I'd say. Unbeknownst to Jeroen, the man left him traumatized for life, as evidenced until the final page of the novel. He states how the memories of the soldier's body are etched into his memory for good, ineradicably. And it ends with this: "I rub my body dry as I used to dry my tears." .
That statement alone speaks volumes to summarize the novel.
In a final conclusive attempt, I'd say that this novel was well written and translated - much thanks to the translator. Although the things that were written were horrible, the said horrible was written incredibly well. I don't suggest the novel to anyone who doesn't wish to read something so grotesque. Even so, I'd suggest you to read this anyway, especially if it makes you leave a merciless criticism.
Onto my next one
Aster
To say that this novel is complex would be an understatement.
I understand that anyone reading this novel could be brought under questioning for their intent and reasons for picking this.
As for me . . . It's quite complicated.
A huge chunk of the novel is so deeply relatable that it seems borderline biographical to me. I shall not be getting into that as it must be reserved for the ears of a licensed professional. But I am inclined to point out that this, naturally, has played a part in my experience of reading this novel and might also reflect certain parts of my review.
Now, I did some research and have come to understand that the novel is semi-autobiographical and that the author has used his own life experiences for it. This is the only excuse I could see for a book that so blatantly (and graphically) portrays such immoral and illegal relationships.
The book is written from an 11 year old boy, Jeroen's perspective, in the Nazi occupied Netherlands during World War II. I must say, including the dark parts, this novel is quite introspective and even philosophical at times. But I can't help but point this out: it is extremely paradoxical. That is the only word I could use to describe the content of this novel, and I shall try to elucidate this.
The book is partitioned into three parts:
• Part I - Hunger-Winter:
As the novel starts off, we see Jeroen's sadness, desperation and anger at being sent away for foster care. That he is in a place he where doesn't belong, amid strange people with strange lifestyles - save for his friend Jan. We see his struggle with trying to fit in by making himself small and out of everyone's way. Jeroen is seen to be incredibly timid, for obvious reasons, and the author does not fail in drawing out the reader's sympathy for him.
It is with this Jan that Jeroen starts to understand how different he is from others, and not just because of his reclusive personality. As he gradually starts to adjust his role of an interloper, he starts to experience new feelings, often times unwelcomed, towards Jan. He finds himself desiring and doesn't understand it. This both deeply scares him and entices him at the same time. And as the days pass by, he gets familiar to this foreign feeling but is still completely ignorant of what it means.
Until . . .
• Part II - Liberation:
Until soldiers from the Americas arrive to liberate them from the Nazis. And along comes the charming and bright Walter P. Narbutus.
I have nothing good to say about this freak. As a man in his early 20s, he shouldn't be anywhere near any "boys". It is incredibly disgusting and just wrong for a man to be doing anything to a boy - a child actually.
But as the novel tells us of Jeroen and his experience, we get an understanding of what it is like for a boy who has been having a rough time with experiencing foreign feelings, especially when he knows that they are wrong somehow - unnatural, so to say.
And here's a man, so much bigger, stronger and better than Jeroen is and lures him in with some gum - a rare foreign delicacy no less, to a kid living under foster care in a remote village in a country suffering from Nazi occupation while the world is at war. And the boy finds this exciting and thinks himself special. It's quite evident throughout the novel that the kid, having been "sent away", has seen it has being abandoned, and hence wants to belong to somewhere, someone. This makes it the perfect timing for a predator to take advantage of his vulnerability. 'The soldier noticed only me. I was the only one who was treated special.' This was his line of thought throughout the novel right until the very end and it both built and destroyed something beautiful in him.
I was going in blank, of course, hoping there are any redeeming qualities to this. But their first encounter absolutely shattered any of that.
Their first encounter - in fact, all of their encounters and rendezvous that involved any sexual activities (which they almost always did) were predatory, manipulative, and every sickening synonym you can find for a pedophile preying on a kid.
It isn't surprising at all that a man away from his homeland, and on war as a soldier, would look for someone in order to relieve himself. There are countless such atrocities over war ridden countries where foreign soldiers would rape (or consensually) women and leave them with children to care for, with no support, and the soldiers would run back to their homeland. This was the same thing for Walt. He was a horny mf in a foreign land as a soldier and he wanted a nice, young thing to use for his needs for as long as he was there. That was all there was to it for him.
But for Jeroen, it is his liberation . The soldier was there to liberate him from this place and take him away to the Americas. He made him feel things that he'd only ever dreamt of. The feeling of belonging to someone was finally there. The feeling of seeing, wanting, tasting and touching were all finally being realized. And here is why I initially stated that this entire experience was paradoxical to him. He both hated and loved it. He hated the man's touch on his skin, his taste in his mouth, his smell on his clothes and there was no questioning it. But he also wanted to see him again.
Every encounter would leave him a shuddering, frightened and crying mess. But he would still not want his time with the man to end; he would both dread and get giddy with anticipation for his next rendezvous with the soldier. The man fascinated him to no end that he practically worshiped him in his own way. His defined muscles, his sheer size, his hair to his feet, everything was to his eyes only. Jeroen wanted to own him and be owned by him.
And this makes me sad. Having disclaimed earlier about the novel being too relatable to me, I speak with deep sadness and sympathy for him. A boy who is just budding into his sexuality should be given discreet, reliable and safe opportunities to explore himself, with proper channels of education and care. I understand that he didn't have any of these given the time, place and the situation. Gay kids before 2000s or even 2010s never did. We all had to learn what the rights and wrongs were, the good and bad of it all, from our own experiences - which to say were naive would be kind.
In Jeroen I see a boy who was used, manipulated and taken advantage of and more evidently, gaslighted into thinking that this man who would lie with him, kiss him, do things to his body and say that he loved him, actually did. What's even more sad is that I see beauty in Jeroen's longing and love for this man. It's a child's love (or obsession, it could be both) nonetheless, but still special in its own fucked up way. And the author has done a decent job at making you feel this paradoxical way about the story.
So, I can't help but feel that if Jeroen had never been involved with Walt, he could have gone on to experience his sexuality in wildly different manner. I don't purport to say that that experience would be any better than this, but I must say the odds of it are indeed better compared to his plight due to Walt.
I shall spare from commenting further on the rest of the chapters in this part as they are mostly of the name nature.
• Part III - Freedom and Joy:
The soldier leaves for his homeland leaving the boy bereft in despair, longing and heartbroken. Wasn't a surprise, duh. The final part is quite depressing and incredibly sad plainly, to witness how shattered and hollow Jeroen was for having been left behind.
His soldier is gone without a word of goodbye when he thought he was special to him, that he loved him.
This part of his life where he had to live out his days in Friesland, where he met the soldier, was a scarring period to him I'd say. Unbeknownst to Jeroen, the man left him traumatized for life, as evidenced until the final page of the novel. He states how the memories of the soldier's body are etched into his memory for good, ineradicably. And it ends with this: "I rub my body dry as I used to dry my tears." .
That statement alone speaks volumes to summarize the novel.
In a final conclusive attempt, I'd say that this novel was well written and translated - much thanks to the translator. Although the things that were written were horrible, the said horrible was written incredibly well. I don't suggest the novel to anyone who doesn't wish to read something so grotesque. Even so, I'd suggest you to read this anyway, especially if it makes you leave a merciless criticism.
Onto my next one
Aster
June 18, 2025
Raw and Unedited Review
(Lacks coherence and structure)
To say that this novel is complex would be an understatement.
I understand that anyone reading this novel could be brought under questioning for their intent and reasons for picking this.
As for me . . . It's quite complicated.
A huge chunk of the novel is so deeply relatable that it seems borderline biographical to me. I shall not be getting into that as it must be reserved for the ears of a licensed professional. But I am inclined to point out that this, naturally, has played a part in my experience of reading this novel and might also reflect certain parts of my review.
Now, I did some research and have come to understand that the novel is semi-autobiographical and that the author has used his own life experiences for it. This is the only excuse I could see for a book that so blatantly (and graphically) portrays such immoral and illegal relationships.
The book is written from an 11 year old boy, Jeroen's perspective, in the Nazi occupied Netherlands during World War II. I must say, including the dark parts, this novel is quite introspective and even philosophical at times. But I can't help but point this out: it is extremely paradoxical. That is the only word I could use to describe the content of this novel, and I shall try to elucidate this.
The book is partitioned into three parts:
• Part I - Hunger-Winter:
As the novel starts off, we see Jeroen's sadness, desperation and anger at being sent away for foster care. That he is in a place he where doesn't belong, amid strange people with strange lifestyles - save for his friend Jan. We see his struggle with trying to fit in by making himself small and out of everyone's way. Jeroen is seen to be incredibly timid, for obvious reasons, and the author does not fail in drawing out the reader's sympathy for him.
It is with this Jan that Jeroen starts to understand how different he is from others, and not just because of his reclusive personality. As he gradually starts to adjust his role of an interloper, he starts to experience new feelings, often times unwelcomed, towards Jan. He finds himself desiring and doesn't understand it. This both deeply scares him and entices him at the same time. And as the days pass by, he gets familiar to this foreign feeling but is still completely ignorant of what it means.
Until . . .
• Part II - Liberation:
Until soldiers from the Americas arrive to liberate them from the Nazis. And along comes the charming and bright Walter P. Narbutus.
I have nothing good to say about this freak. As a man in his early 20s, he shouldn't be anywhere near any "boys". It is incredibly disgusting and just wrong for a man to be doing anything to a boy - a child actually.
But as the novel tells us of Jeroen and his experience, we get an understanding of what it is like for a boy who has been having a rough time with experiencing foreign feelings, especially when he knows that they are wrong somehow - unnatural, so to say.
And here's a man, so much bigger, stronger and better than Jeroen is and lures him in with some gum - a rare foreign delicacy no less, to a kid living under foster care in a remote village in a country suffering from Nazi occupation while the world is at war. And the boy finds this exciting and thinks himself special. It's quite evident throughout the novel that the kid, having been "sent away", has seen it has being abandoned, and hence wants to belong to somewhere, someone. This makes it the perfect timing for a predator to take advantage of his vulnerability. 'The soldier noticed only me. I was the only one who was treated special.' This was his line of thought throughout the novel right until the very end and it both built and destroyed something beautiful in him.
I was going in blank, of course, hoping there are any redeeming qualities to this. But their first encounter absolutely shattered any of that.
Their first encounter - in fact, all of their encounters and rendezvous that involved any sexual activities (which they almost always did) were predatory, manipulative, and every sickening synonym you can find for a pedophile preying on a kid.
It isn't surprising at all that a man away from his homeland, and on war as a soldier, would look for someone in order to relieve himself. There are countless such atrocities over war ridden countries where foreign soldiers would rape (or consensually) women and leave them with children to care for, with no support, and the soldiers would run back to their homeland. This was the same thing for Walt. He was a horny mf in a foreign land as a soldier and he wanted a nice, young thing to use for his needs for as long as he was there. That was all there was to it for him.
But for Jeroen, it is his liberation . The soldier was there to liberate him from this place and take him away to the Americas. He made him feel things that he'd only ever dreamt of. The feeling of belonging to someone was finally there. The feeling of seeing, wanting, tasting and touching were all finally being realized. And here is why I initially stated that this entire experience was paradoxical to him. He both hated and loved it. He hated the man's touch on his skin, his taste in his mouth, his smell on his clothes and there was no questioning it. But he also wanted to see him again.
Every encounter would leave him a shuddering, frightened and crying mess. But he would still not want his time with the man to end; he would both dread and get giddy with anticipation for his next rendezvous with the soldier. The man fascinated him to no end that he practically worshiped him in his own way. His defined muscles, his sheer size, his hair to his feet, everything was to his eyes only. Jeroen wanted to own him and be owned by him.
And this makes me sad. Having disclaimed earlier about the novel being too relatable to me, I speak with deep sadness and sympathy for him. A boy who is just budding into his sexuality should be given discreet, reliable and safe opportunities to explore himself, with proper channels of education and care. I understand that he didn't have any of these given the time, place and the situation. Gay kids before 2000s or even 2010s never did. We all had to learn what the rights and wrongs were, the good and bad of it all, from our own experiences - which to say were naive would be kind.
In Jeroen I see a boy who was used, manipulated and taken advantage of and more evidently, gaslighted into thinking that this man who would lie with him, kiss him, do things to his body and say that he loved him, actually did. What's even more sad is that I see beauty in Jeroen's longing and love for this man. It's a child's love (or obsession, it could be both) nonetheless, but still special in its own fucked up way. And the author has done a decent job at making you feel this paradoxical way about the story.
So, I can't help but feel that if Jeroen had never been involved with Walt, he could have gone on to experience his sexuality in wildly different manner. I don't purport to say that that experience would be any better than this, but I must say the odds of it are indeed better compared to his plight due to Walt.
I shall spare from commenting further on the rest of the chapters in this part as they are mostly of the name nature.
• Part III - Freedom and Joy:
The soldier leaves for his homeland leaving the boy bereft in despair, longing and heartbroken. Wasn't a surprise, duh. The final part is quite depressing and incredibly sad plainly, to witness how shattered and hollow Jeroen was for having been left behind.
His soldier is gone without a word of goodbye when he thought he was special to him, that he loved him.
This part of his life where he had to live out his days in Friesland, where he met the soldier, was a scarring period to him I'd say. Unbeknownst to Jeroen, the man left him traumatized for life, as evidenced until the final page of the novel. He states how the memories of the soldier's body are etched into his memory for good, ineradicably. And it ends with this: "I rub my body dry as I used to dry my tears." .
That statement alone speaks volumes to summarize the novel.
In a final conclusive attempt, I'd say that this novel was well written and translated - much thanks to the translator. Although the things that were written were horrible, the said horrible was written incredibly well. I don't suggest the novel to anyone who doesn't wish to read something so grotesque. Even so, I'd suggest you to read this anyway, especially if it makes you leave a merciless criticism.
Onto my next one
Aster
To say that this novel is complex would be an understatement.
I understand that anyone reading this novel could be brought under questioning for their intent and reasons for picking this.
As for me . . . It's quite complicated.
A huge chunk of the novel is so deeply relatable that it seems borderline biographical to me. I shall not be getting into that as it must be reserved for the ears of a licensed professional. But I am inclined to point out that this, naturally, has played a part in my experience of reading this novel and might also reflect certain parts of my review.
Now, I did some research and have come to understand that the novel is semi-autobiographical and that the author has used his own life experiences for it. This is the only excuse I could see for a book that so blatantly (and graphically) portrays such immoral and illegal relationships.
The book is written from an 11 year old boy, Jeroen's perspective, in the Nazi occupied Netherlands during World War II. I must say, including the dark parts, this novel is quite introspective and even philosophical at times. But I can't help but point this out: it is extremely paradoxical. That is the only word I could use to describe the content of this novel, and I shall try to elucidate this.
The book is partitioned into three parts:
• Part I - Hunger-Winter:
As the novel starts off, we see Jeroen's sadness, desperation and anger at being sent away for foster care. That he is in a place he where doesn't belong, amid strange people with strange lifestyles - save for his friend Jan. We see his struggle with trying to fit in by making himself small and out of everyone's way. Jeroen is seen to be incredibly timid, for obvious reasons, and the author does not fail in drawing out the reader's sympathy for him.
It is with this Jan that Jeroen starts to understand how different he is from others, and not just because of his reclusive personality. As he gradually starts to adjust his role of an interloper, he starts to experience new feelings, often times unwelcomed, towards Jan. He finds himself desiring and doesn't understand it. This both deeply scares him and entices him at the same time. And as the days pass by, he gets familiar to this foreign feeling but is still completely ignorant of what it means.
Until . . .
• Part II - Liberation:
Until soldiers from the Americas arrive to liberate them from the Nazis. And along comes the charming and bright Walter P. Narbutus.
I have nothing good to say about this freak. As a man in his early 20s, he shouldn't be anywhere near any "boys". It is incredibly disgusting and just wrong for a man to be doing anything to a boy - a child actually.
But as the novel tells us of Jeroen and his experience, we get an understanding of what it is like for a boy who has been having a rough time with experiencing foreign feelings, especially when he knows that they are wrong somehow - unnatural, so to say.
And here's a man, so much bigger, stronger and better than Jeroen is and lures him in with some gum - a rare foreign delicacy no less, to a kid living under foster care in a remote village in a country suffering from Nazi occupation while the world is at war. And the boy finds this exciting and thinks himself special. It's quite evident throughout the novel that the kid, having been "sent away", has seen it has being abandoned, and hence wants to belong to somewhere, someone. This makes it the perfect timing for a predator to take advantage of his vulnerability. 'The soldier noticed only me. I was the only one who was treated special.' This was his line of thought throughout the novel right until the very end and it both built and destroyed something beautiful in him.
I was going in blank, of course, hoping there are any redeeming qualities to this. But their first encounter absolutely shattered any of that.
Their first encounter - in fact, all of their encounters and rendezvous that involved any sexual activities (which they almost always did) were predatory, manipulative, and every sickening synonym you can find for a pedophile preying on a kid.
It isn't surprising at all that a man away from his homeland, and on war as a soldier, would look for someone in order to relieve himself. There are countless such atrocities over war ridden countries where foreign soldiers would rape (or consensually) women and leave them with children to care for, with no support, and the soldiers would run back to their homeland. This was the same thing for Walt. He was a horny mf in a foreign land as a soldier and he wanted a nice, young thing to use for his needs for as long as he was there. That was all there was to it for him.
But for Jeroen, it is his liberation . The soldier was there to liberate him from this place and take him away to the Americas. He made him feel things that he'd only ever dreamt of. The feeling of belonging to someone was finally there. The feeling of seeing, wanting, tasting and touching were all finally being realized. And here is why I initially stated that this entire experience was paradoxical to him. He both hated and loved it. He hated the man's touch on his skin, his taste in his mouth, his smell on his clothes and there was no questioning it. But he also wanted to see him again.
Every encounter would leave him a shuddering, frightened and crying mess. But he would still not want his time with the man to end; he would both dread and get giddy with anticipation for his next rendezvous with the soldier. The man fascinated him to no end that he practically worshiped him in his own way. His defined muscles, his sheer size, his hair to his feet, everything was to his eyes only. Jeroen wanted to own him and be owned by him.
And this makes me sad. Having disclaimed earlier about the novel being too relatable to me, I speak with deep sadness and sympathy for him. A boy who is just budding into his sexuality should be given discreet, reliable and safe opportunities to explore himself, with proper channels of education and care. I understand that he didn't have any of these given the time, place and the situation. Gay kids before 2000s or even 2010s never did. We all had to learn what the rights and wrongs were, the good and bad of it all, from our own experiences - which to say were naive would be kind.
In Jeroen I see a boy who was used, manipulated and taken advantage of and more evidently, gaslighted into thinking that this man who would lie with him, kiss him, do things to his body and say that he loved him, actually did. What's even more sad is that I see beauty in Jeroen's longing and love for this man. It's a child's love (or obsession, it could be both) nonetheless, but still special in its own fucked up way. And the author has done a decent job at making you feel this paradoxical way about the story.
So, I can't help but feel that if Jeroen had never been involved with Walt, he could have gone on to experience his sexuality in wildly different manner. I don't purport to say that that experience would be any better than this, but I must say the odds of it are indeed better compared to his plight due to Walt.
I shall spare from commenting further on the rest of the chapters in this part as they are mostly of the name nature.
• Part III - Freedom and Joy:
The soldier leaves for his homeland leaving the boy bereft in despair, longing and heartbroken. Wasn't a surprise, duh. The final part is quite depressing and incredibly sad plainly, to witness how shattered and hollow Jeroen was for having been left behind.
His soldier is gone without a word of goodbye when he thought he was special to him, that he loved him.
This part of his life where he had to live out his days in Friesland, where he met the soldier, was a scarring period to him I'd say. Unbeknownst to Jeroen, the man left him traumatized for life, as evidenced until the final page of the novel. He states how the memories of the soldier's body are etched into his memory for good, ineradicably. And it ends with this: "I rub my body dry as I used to dry my tears." .
That statement alone speaks volumes to summarize the novel.
In a final conclusive attempt, I'd say that this novel was well written and translated - much thanks to the translator. Although the things that were written were horrible, the said horrible was written incredibly well. I don't suggest the novel to anyone who doesn't wish to read something so grotesque. Even so, I'd suggest you to read this anyway, especially if it makes you leave a merciless criticism.
Onto my next one
Aster
March 11, 2012
it moves me .. but i really feel soo bad....
as what some people know its a real story of a childhood life..
The question is , did he found any traces of the soldier? maybe yes but for now it was hidden because due to privacy of the soldier. . .
but the thing is i just want to know if the soldier died in world war II
or already having family
because i think even the soldier want to see Joreon (Rudi) He cant becasue those years of their life was not easy not like as now in year 2ks
but i think its easy to know the soldier now a days because rudi know the exact details of the soldier especially the number of the dog tag. . .
but i know in the movie even in a book , some details was change due to privacy... but if soldier still alive on that year the book published or movie the year 1992 he can recognize it. . .
I hope that Rudi met him or just know what really happened to the soldier afterward before Rudi passed away
I really move by the story i cant move on fast .. it sounds akward but it is... even i , i want to find what happen to the soldier , trying to research those names comes out from the story....
Soo , plsssss for some people know what realy happen to the soldier
Please tell it to the world .. for a the conclusion of the story and a satisfactions of the reader/viewer..
Name is not must for the privacy of the soldier, because maybe he has already family (for a reason some says its a pedo)...
it brings a big impact to the world for me as like WW2 impact....
BUt plssssss I realy want to know what happen to the soldier now?
how he died? where he died? what with him before he die? a family? did he also looking forward to jeroen?
For the people know the real thing plsss feed us to make the ending of this story has satisfaction to the reader
because in my own opinion i realy feel bad on it.... i feel i wanna do something but its too late becasue of the different generation ...becasue now they are all in heaven... even rudi .. i realy wanna talk to him ask him .. what happen to the expedition of his life in looking for the soldier. but i know i cant even i can i cant because he already passed away... i just watch and read the book . . . thats why im late for the real person.. . . .
plsssss give us some info...
It will helps as move on for the story with a happy face.....
for now i wanna shout i wanna see some strong words just to let this question mark go away . my mind always thinking of the story .. i cant sleep will.... what aaaaaa..... GRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Pls help me to move on hahahahah soundz funny but its true
I am 24 years old now plsssssss help cant move on from the store i feel something i dont know .. is anger or what?
heartoflion87@gmail.com
as what some people know its a real story of a childhood life..
The question is , did he found any traces of the soldier? maybe yes but for now it was hidden because due to privacy of the soldier. . .
but the thing is i just want to know if the soldier died in world war II
or already having family
because i think even the soldier want to see Joreon (Rudi) He cant becasue those years of their life was not easy not like as now in year 2ks
but i think its easy to know the soldier now a days because rudi know the exact details of the soldier especially the number of the dog tag. . .
but i know in the movie even in a book , some details was change due to privacy... but if soldier still alive on that year the book published or movie the year 1992 he can recognize it. . .
I hope that Rudi met him or just know what really happened to the soldier afterward before Rudi passed away
I really move by the story i cant move on fast .. it sounds akward but it is... even i , i want to find what happen to the soldier , trying to research those names comes out from the story....
Soo , plsssss for some people know what realy happen to the soldier
Please tell it to the world .. for a the conclusion of the story and a satisfactions of the reader/viewer..
Name is not must for the privacy of the soldier, because maybe he has already family (for a reason some says its a pedo)...
it brings a big impact to the world for me as like WW2 impact....
BUt plssssss I realy want to know what happen to the soldier now?
how he died? where he died? what with him before he die? a family? did he also looking forward to jeroen?
For the people know the real thing plsss feed us to make the ending of this story has satisfaction to the reader
because in my own opinion i realy feel bad on it.... i feel i wanna do something but its too late becasue of the different generation ...becasue now they are all in heaven... even rudi .. i realy wanna talk to him ask him .. what happen to the expedition of his life in looking for the soldier. but i know i cant even i can i cant because he already passed away... i just watch and read the book . . . thats why im late for the real person.. . . .
plsssss give us some info...
It will helps as move on for the story with a happy face.....
for now i wanna shout i wanna see some strong words just to let this question mark go away . my mind always thinking of the story .. i cant sleep will.... what aaaaaa..... GRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Pls help me to move on hahahahah soundz funny but its true
I am 24 years old now plsssssss help cant move on from the store i feel something i dont know .. is anger or what?
heartoflion87@gmail.com
November 27, 2012
Gerry B's Book Reviews - http://gerrycan.wordpress.com
In preparation for this week’s review, I went in search of a gay Canadian novel in all the usual places (including Amazon.ca), but I may as well have gone searching for a unicorn! All I found were a couple of pages of outdated, academic, and even American offerings (i.e. The Best American Short Stories 2012). To add insult to injury, my own novels weren’t even included.
All was not entirely lost, however, for I came across a book I had read some time ago, For a Lost Soldier , by Rudi van Dantzig, [Gay Men’s Press, 1997], which is now out of print. However, a DVD film version (written and directed by Roeland Kerbosch, and starring Maarten Smit as young Boman, Jeroen Krabbé as the adult Boman, and Andrew Kelley as the Canadian soldier) is still available.
The book and the film differ quite significantly, especially in the way the ending is constructed, but the basic story outline is the same.
Near the end of the war in Holland, eleven-year-old Jeroen Boman is sent to live in the country due to a food shortage in Amsterdam. However, despite a relative abundance to eat he is wracked with loneliness for his parents and friends.
This is subject to change when the village is liberated by a group of Canadian Troops, and Jeroen encounters a 20-something soldier named Walter Cook. Jeroen revels in the attention shown by Cook, and a relationship is formed between them that eventually becomes sexual in nature.
A dark cloud forms, however, when Cook’s regiment moves on, and he leaves without saying goodbye to a devastated Jeroen. Even the photograph of him—the only token Jeroen has left—is damaged by rain.
The remainder of the novel is dedicated to Jeroen’s life when he returns to Amsterdam, and the desperate but fruitless search for his first, lost lover. Eventually Jeroen is forced to realize that all he has left are memories.
Given the controversial nature of man/boy love, even when it is pseudo-autobiographical (as it is in this case), a number of people will be put off by this point alone. However, the sexual aspect in the novel is delicately handled, and in the film it is so subtle that one might actually miss it. What remains is a powerful story of coming of age, and the lifelong impact of first love. Five bees.
In preparation for this week’s review, I went in search of a gay Canadian novel in all the usual places (including Amazon.ca), but I may as well have gone searching for a unicorn! All I found were a couple of pages of outdated, academic, and even American offerings (i.e. The Best American Short Stories 2012). To add insult to injury, my own novels weren’t even included.
All was not entirely lost, however, for I came across a book I had read some time ago, For a Lost Soldier , by Rudi van Dantzig, [Gay Men’s Press, 1997], which is now out of print. However, a DVD film version (written and directed by Roeland Kerbosch, and starring Maarten Smit as young Boman, Jeroen Krabbé as the adult Boman, and Andrew Kelley as the Canadian soldier) is still available.
The book and the film differ quite significantly, especially in the way the ending is constructed, but the basic story outline is the same.
Near the end of the war in Holland, eleven-year-old Jeroen Boman is sent to live in the country due to a food shortage in Amsterdam. However, despite a relative abundance to eat he is wracked with loneliness for his parents and friends.
This is subject to change when the village is liberated by a group of Canadian Troops, and Jeroen encounters a 20-something soldier named Walter Cook. Jeroen revels in the attention shown by Cook, and a relationship is formed between them that eventually becomes sexual in nature.
A dark cloud forms, however, when Cook’s regiment moves on, and he leaves without saying goodbye to a devastated Jeroen. Even the photograph of him—the only token Jeroen has left—is damaged by rain.
The remainder of the novel is dedicated to Jeroen’s life when he returns to Amsterdam, and the desperate but fruitless search for his first, lost lover. Eventually Jeroen is forced to realize that all he has left are memories.
Given the controversial nature of man/boy love, even when it is pseudo-autobiographical (as it is in this case), a number of people will be put off by this point alone. However, the sexual aspect in the novel is delicately handled, and in the film it is so subtle that one might actually miss it. What remains is a powerful story of coming of age, and the lifelong impact of first love. Five bees.
December 29, 2011
I really enjoyed reading this. The way it was written was very easy to read and the description was so vivid that it made me feel like I was there in the small town at times.
That being said, it's a pretty depressing subject matter. If you've seen the trailer for the movie that the book is based on, it seemed as if the soldier and young boy had a really nice relationship but the book was much harsher.
*SPOILER ALERT*
The Canadian soldier befriends Jeroen and immediately thereafter begins sexually assaulting him, driving him around in the army jeep, taking him to abandoned cottages, smuggling him into his mess tent. I've seen other people describe the situation as "borderline sexual abuse" but it was definitely rape. Of course, everything is murky because the book is written from Jeroen's point of view, and he is very much so confused and uncertain of the situation. After Walter had sex with him for the first time, Jeroen assumed that they were then bonded for life and that Walt would take him with him when the camp moved on to another area. That, of course, was not the case. Walter gives him a picture of himself and disappears the next day. The rest of the book shows Jeroen struggling even more to fit in and live his life.
Overall, I really enjoyed the writing and the emotion in it was very tangible. There's no happy ending, but the journey through the book had me yearning to wrap Jeroen up in a blanket and feed him soup and tell him that one day his prince would come.
That being said, it's a pretty depressing subject matter. If you've seen the trailer for the movie that the book is based on, it seemed as if the soldier and young boy had a really nice relationship but the book was much harsher.
*SPOILER ALERT*
The Canadian soldier befriends Jeroen and immediately thereafter begins sexually assaulting him, driving him around in the army jeep, taking him to abandoned cottages, smuggling him into his mess tent. I've seen other people describe the situation as "borderline sexual abuse" but it was definitely rape. Of course, everything is murky because the book is written from Jeroen's point of view, and he is very much so confused and uncertain of the situation. After Walter had sex with him for the first time, Jeroen assumed that they were then bonded for life and that Walt would take him with him when the camp moved on to another area. That, of course, was not the case. Walter gives him a picture of himself and disappears the next day. The rest of the book shows Jeroen struggling even more to fit in and live his life.
Overall, I really enjoyed the writing and the emotion in it was very tangible. There's no happy ending, but the journey through the book had me yearning to wrap Jeroen up in a blanket and feed him soup and tell him that one day his prince would come.
March 7, 2024
I wasn't going to write a review on this book, but I was disturbed by some some of the claims in the 4 and 5 star reviews. The boy is only 11 and is without a doubt raped and abused and this does screw up his life in significant ways; it is in this, NOT beautiful or romantic. The storyline doesnt come quite to the point of excusing it, but the narration leaves you with a queasy feeling of whether that aspect was adequately felt to be important. There's nothing beautiful in this, except for the parts dealing with the Frieslanders having taken in the Dutch children in the remaining portion of WWII. It is in this aspect of interest that I would rate it better; but the disturbing portion of the casual treatment of rape is creepy, at best. Again, there is nothing beautiful in targeting, manipulating, and abusing a child, regardless of whichever direction their confusion afterward takes them.
November 26, 2009
Truly a moving book. The author so gently opens us up to the thinking of a innocent 11 year old boy who finds himself being smuggled to Finland to avoid the Nazis during WW2. With such breathtaking descriptions of the places and people he encounters, you can actually find yourself in his shoes. The turmoil he feels, the joy, the sadness, it's all there and so well written you can feel it in your heart and soul. As the boy finds himself being attracted to a soldier, you can sense the terror and joy he experiences. I found myself hurting with the main character as he hurts, which is always the sign of a great book. Filled with love, sadness, confusion, and hope, you'll read along as young Jeroeme experiences growing up and not being like all the others around him. A great read for adults.
January 10, 2018
Jeroen gaat in de hongerwinter van Amsterdam naar Friesland. Hij wordt door een vriendelijke vissersfamilie opgenomen in het gezin en daar lijkt hij aardig te wennen. Als de Amerikanen na de bevrijding van Friesland de vernielde brug komen herstellen, heeft één soldaat heel veel interesse in Jeroen. Wolt zoekt Jeroen steeds weer op en dringt zich ook lichamelijk aan Jeroen op. Jeroen is pas elf en nog nauwelijks met seksualiteit bezig. Als het gebeurt, is hij passief en in verwarring, maar hij vindt het ook fijn om voor iemand zo speciaal te zijn. Als de soldaten plotseling vertrekken, is Jeroen ziek van het gemis. Niet veel later komt zijn moeder hem weer ophalen; maar als hij weggaat, kan Wolt hem nooit meer vinden! Jeroen wil het liefst in Friesland blijven, maar hij gaat toch met zijn moeder mee. Moeder is in verwarring: ze had een blij, opgelucht kind verwacht en zit nu met een zuchtend in zichzelf gekeerde jongen. In Amsterdam zijn Canadezen; Jeroen trekt heel Amsterdam door om te zien of Wolt niet toevallig ook in Amsterdam is. Eén keer meent hij hem te herkennen, maar dat blijkt toch iemand anders te zijn.
Na vijfendertig jaar is er een herdenking van de bevrijding in Amsterdam, mét Canadezen, maar in Jeroens hoofd blijft Wolt een jonge man en hij een kind. Hij wist na de oorlog dat hij homosexueel was en is daar toen ook voor uitgekomen; dat was zíjn bevrijding.
Ik vond het wel schokkend om te lezen hoe makkelijk een jong kind met een soldaat zó ver kan gaan zonder dat het opvalt of er iemand iets in de gaten lijkt te hebben.
De ouders van Jeroen vinden zijn gedrag wel vreemd, maar stellen zichzelf gerust met het idee dat het de puberteit wel zal zijn..
Na vijfendertig jaar is er een herdenking van de bevrijding in Amsterdam, mét Canadezen, maar in Jeroens hoofd blijft Wolt een jonge man en hij een kind. Hij wist na de oorlog dat hij homosexueel was en is daar toen ook voor uitgekomen; dat was zíjn bevrijding.
Ik vond het wel schokkend om te lezen hoe makkelijk een jong kind met een soldaat zó ver kan gaan zonder dat het opvalt of er iemand iets in de gaten lijkt te hebben.
De ouders van Jeroen vinden zijn gedrag wel vreemd, maar stellen zichzelf gerust met het idee dat het de puberteit wel zal zijn..
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