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The Wrong Side of Right
Tony Mitchell is a loner who spends most of his life staying low, denying who and what he is until Aiden Caldwell walks into the shop and changes everything. Tony thinks his new supervisor hates his guts, but that doesn’t keep Tony from dreaming and yearning. His fantasies drive him to follow the older man, revealing a secret that only confounds Tony’s obsession.
Conflicted and confused, Tony falls under the spell of a man called Tank who leads Tony down a dark path of seduction and dangerous cravings. Under Tank’s guidance, Tony learns to suspend reality, to succumb. The one thing he doesn’t learn is how to say no.
Aiden Caldwell pulls Tony from the precipice but not from the addiction that threatens to consume the young man.
In the matter of love and trust, can two men intent on hiding their most secret selves find common ground as fate and their own tumultuous pasts conspire to tear them apart?
Conflicted and confused, Tony falls under the spell of a man called Tank who leads Tony down a dark path of seduction and dangerous cravings. Under Tank’s guidance, Tony learns to suspend reality, to succumb. The one thing he doesn’t learn is how to say no.
Aiden Caldwell pulls Tony from the precipice but not from the addiction that threatens to consume the young man.
In the matter of love and trust, can two men intent on hiding their most secret selves find common ground as fate and their own tumultuous pasts conspire to tear them apart?
210 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2013
2 people are currently reading
114 people want to read
About the author
Nya Rawlyns
54 books42 followersNya Rawlyns cut her teeth on sports-themed romantic comedies and historical romances. She found her true calling writing about the wilderness areas she has visited but calls home—in that place that counts the most, the heart.
She has lived in the country and on a sailboat on the Chesapeake Bay, earned more than 1000 miles in competitive trail and endurance racing, taught Political Science to unwilling freshmen, and found an avocation in materials science.
When she isn’t tending to her garden or the horses, the cats, or three pervert parakeets, she can be found day dreaming and listening to the voices in her head.
She has lived in the country and on a sailboat on the Chesapeake Bay, earned more than 1000 miles in competitive trail and endurance racing, taught Political Science to unwilling freshmen, and found an avocation in materials science.
When she isn’t tending to her garden or the horses, the cats, or three pervert parakeets, she can be found day dreaming and listening to the voices in her head.
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February 21, 2014
Reviewed for Prism Book Alliance
Just so you know:
I sincerely wish I had had that information prior to reading The Wrong Side of Right. That’s not to say that I don’t read books with rape and torture themes. I do. But they come with a warning label so I know what to expect. I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, no two people read the same book. We all bring our own life experiences and viewpoints to… well, everything. This is simply my interpretation.
I’ll be frank I hated 70% of this book, 25% of the time I spent shaking my head and the other 5% I spent hoping it would get better. It didn’t. First and foremost, my problem with The Wrong Side of Right is the blatant and appalling romanticization of abusive relationships. Coming in a close second, it’s poorly researched. I didn’t enjoy the story arc nor the prose. Lastly, all of the characters are nebulous and unlikeable.
Now, let’s get down to specifics.
The Wrong Side of Right spends a great deal of time and energy trying to convince the reader that both of Tony’s relationships are some unconventional derivation of love-the theory of two wrongs somehow making a right. Let me disabuse you right now of that notion. It is NOT OK to romanticize abuse.
If someone refers to you as ‘asshole’, ‘asshat’, ‘idiot’, ‘dickhead’, ‘little shit’, ‘stupid fuck’ or ‘dipshit’ regularly, that’s abuse.
If someone makes you cower because of their volatile temper, propensity to trap you into a room and scream at you, that’s abuse.
If someone pinches your chin until it hurts to make their point and/or get your attention, that’s abuse.
If someone slams you into a wall, that’s abuse.
If someone shakes you until your head flails back and forth while “ignoring the whimpers”, that’s abuse.
ANYTHING above and beyond what’s listed above is abuse and it isn’t romantic.
The contention that this behavior in any way, shape, form or fashion could be construed as such sickens me. Yet Tony falls into this trap not once but twice during the course of this book by way of Tank and Aidan. Tank whisks him away to his beach house where they engage in breath play and sounding the first time they ever have sex, I might add. They spend a romantic day on the beach only to come home to three of Tank’s motorcycle buddies who want to “share” Tony. And Tank lets them. He leaves, later saying it was to get help. Meanwhile his three buddies take turns on Tony, then start using him as a punching bag and finally start carving on him just before Tank arrives with his friend and a shotgun. His femoral artery could easily have been severed, but does Tony get taken to the ER, you ask? No. Instead his boss, Aiden, comes to pick him up along with Jorge, Tony’s co-worker whom he’s been paying $20 weekly for illicit blow jobs in the back office of the quick lube.
Aiden takes him home, has him remove all of his clothes, offering him a t-shirt in exchange with no shower nor medical attention, calls him ‘dipshit’ then proceeds to have him start working on his businesses’ financials. He just got gang raped and the only sensible thing Aiden can think of to do with him is have him do some accounting? Which leads me to my second point.
As many of you know, I work in the field of mental health. I see people who have been abused/raped/molested every day. Not once has any of them EVER said they enjoyed it. In fact, it’s not uncommon for people who have been raped to have serious avoidance issues with sex altogether for quite some time. I’ve never spoken to a victim and had them tell me it never comes back on them. Never. I have spoken to several who have blocked the abuse, but that’s a whole different conversation for another time and place. Not only was Tony gang raped and tortured in The Wrong Side of Right, but I’m supposed to believe that his crying once was the end of it and he’s back to being randy? Ok, I can try to suspend reality and go with that for the sake of the plot line. But then it went so far as to have Tony LIKING the rape. No. Unacceptable. Then to add insult to injury Tony’s “liking it” got labeled as a newfound taste for kink, supposedly of the pain and forced submission variety which isn’t BDSM, in case you were wondering.
I cannot in any way condone this sentiment and quite frankly, I find it offensive. Then again, Tony’s mantra is:
This quote should give you a sense of the complete and utter lack of self-worth Tony has:
So, Tony has deluded himself into believing abuse and/or sex equate to love which brings me to these characters.
Tony is, quite frankly, a pathetic character. He has no concept of what the words “cherished, loved or respected” actually mean which in a way makes me pity him. Then again, ignorance is bliss. He has no voice; he allows people to run roughshod over him regularly so much so that he allows Jorge to bareback him the second time they have sex. They are not in a relationship. In fact, Jorge is still seeing Maria, his some time girlfriend. The first time Tony meets Tank, Tank corners him in the restroom and asks him if he’s ever been raped then proceeds to jack them both off and Tony never utters a word of protest. Not during or after and later muses:
Really? The guy that cornered you in a restroom, jacked you off, illicitly paid you $100 for the pleasure, left you with his three biker buddies to gang rape you, beat the crap out of you and cut on you who then left you afterwards only to randomly turn up at your apartment about a week later to whisk you away yet again to a cabin by the river, bind you in a sling, engage in breath play and sounding once more and leave you naked directly afterwards. Again? That guy is the one you trust? I don’t know about you guys, but I’d call that misguided.
Tony’s impulsive, reckless, and has no forethought whatsoever. His methods of coping with even the slightest obstacle are to either drink to excess or run away. To say that his relationship with Aiden is volatile would be an understatement. Yet, he’s so desperate for any sort of affection that he believes he loves both Aiden and Tank and the indecisiveness of his affections just made the notion that he and Aiden loved one another ludicrous.
Aiden’s a bully, has a dreadful temper, is known to punch holes into the drywall, yells, screams and shakes Tony regularly. Up until Aiden comes to rescue Tony from Tank’s beach house, Tony believes that Aiden hates him with good reason. He regularly berates and belittles him at work, in front of others. After the “rescue”, Aiden’s friend, Ruby, politely informs Tony that all of Aiden’s behavior actually means that he likes him. Ruby likens the behavior to little boys who pull little girls’ hair. Aiden is 43. I’m supposed to not only identify with a character who acts like a child but to condone that behavior because it’s par for the course? Tony and Aiden’s relationship, such as it is, can be summed up as fighting and fucking. That’s it. It’s a blessing that Ruby is such a good friend because he’s called to referee often since neither of them have anything resembling communication skills. But apparently this equates to “love” in The Wrong Side of Right.
Overall, the story arc was confounding not to mention offensive. The characters engage in vigilante justice, are seedy and I think I’ve covered ad nauseam how unsavory their behaviors are all of which is worsened by the assertion that any of this equates to love. The fact that the rape is glossed over as part of Tony’s “dark” need i.e. his newfound kink just went all over me mainly because the inherent message is ‘it’s ok to rape someone as long as you make them come like a geyser’. That means they liked it and that it’s ok, right? No harm, no foul. Except in this case there was harm, it just got swept under the “kink” need/’I'm a sick fuck’ rug.
The time jumps were irksome and I’ve no idea what’s going on with the water in New Jersey. It’s like they’re living next to Chernobyl or something-none of it is drinkable so they inevitably have to resort to drinking beer instead. Convenient.
The writing style is muddled. I’m not even sure how to describe it. It’s sort of flowery, almost existential in a way, overly descriptive at times with a mixture of slang and spanglish that were jarring. There were many lines in Spanish that weren’t converted. Many of Tony’s inner musings were nonsensical. I didn’t care for the vocabulary choices of “phallus” and “bio break” nor did I care for Tony’s incessant need to refer to Tank as “his beast” and Aiden as “his Adonis”.
I can’t in any way recommend The Wrong Side of Right because I fundamentally disagree with the message; however, this book has a wide range of ratings which generally translates into it having made an impact on everyone differently. My line of work no doubt colors my perspective, but it is what it is.
A review copy was provided in exchange for an honest review.
I wrote an accompanying piece on abuse for the blog. If you're so inclined, click HERE
Just so you know:
WARNING: THIS BOOK CONTAINS A SCENE OF GANG RAPE AND GRAPHIC VIOLENCE.
I sincerely wish I had had that information prior to reading The Wrong Side of Right. That’s not to say that I don’t read books with rape and torture themes. I do. But they come with a warning label so I know what to expect. I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, no two people read the same book. We all bring our own life experiences and viewpoints to… well, everything. This is simply my interpretation.
I’ll be frank I hated 70% of this book, 25% of the time I spent shaking my head and the other 5% I spent hoping it would get better. It didn’t. First and foremost, my problem with The Wrong Side of Right is the blatant and appalling romanticization of abusive relationships. Coming in a close second, it’s poorly researched. I didn’t enjoy the story arc nor the prose. Lastly, all of the characters are nebulous and unlikeable.
Now, let’s get down to specifics.
The Wrong Side of Right spends a great deal of time and energy trying to convince the reader that both of Tony’s relationships are some unconventional derivation of love-the theory of two wrongs somehow making a right. Let me disabuse you right now of that notion. It is NOT OK to romanticize abuse.
If someone refers to you as ‘asshole’, ‘asshat’, ‘idiot’, ‘dickhead’, ‘little shit’, ‘stupid fuck’ or ‘dipshit’ regularly, that’s abuse.
If someone makes you cower because of their volatile temper, propensity to trap you into a room and scream at you, that’s abuse.
If someone pinches your chin until it hurts to make their point and/or get your attention, that’s abuse.
If someone slams you into a wall, that’s abuse.
If someone shakes you until your head flails back and forth while “ignoring the whimpers”, that’s abuse.
ANYTHING above and beyond what’s listed above is abuse and it isn’t romantic.
The contention that this behavior in any way, shape, form or fashion could be construed as such sickens me. Yet Tony falls into this trap not once but twice during the course of this book by way of Tank and Aidan. Tank whisks him away to his beach house where they engage in breath play and sounding the first time they ever have sex, I might add. They spend a romantic day on the beach only to come home to three of Tank’s motorcycle buddies who want to “share” Tony. And Tank lets them. He leaves, later saying it was to get help. Meanwhile his three buddies take turns on Tony, then start using him as a punching bag and finally start carving on him just before Tank arrives with his friend and a shotgun. His femoral artery could easily have been severed, but does Tony get taken to the ER, you ask? No. Instead his boss, Aiden, comes to pick him up along with Jorge, Tony’s co-worker whom he’s been paying $20 weekly for illicit blow jobs in the back office of the quick lube.
Aiden takes him home, has him remove all of his clothes, offering him a t-shirt in exchange with no shower nor medical attention, calls him ‘dipshit’ then proceeds to have him start working on his businesses’ financials. He just got gang raped and the only sensible thing Aiden can think of to do with him is have him do some accounting? Which leads me to my second point.
As many of you know, I work in the field of mental health. I see people who have been abused/raped/molested every day. Not once has any of them EVER said they enjoyed it. In fact, it’s not uncommon for people who have been raped to have serious avoidance issues with sex altogether for quite some time. I’ve never spoken to a victim and had them tell me it never comes back on them. Never. I have spoken to several who have blocked the abuse, but that’s a whole different conversation for another time and place. Not only was Tony gang raped and tortured in The Wrong Side of Right, but I’m supposed to believe that his crying once was the end of it and he’s back to being randy? Ok, I can try to suspend reality and go with that for the sake of the plot line. But then it went so far as to have Tony LIKING the rape. No. Unacceptable. Then to add insult to injury Tony’s “liking it” got labeled as a newfound taste for kink, supposedly of the pain and forced submission variety which isn’t BDSM, in case you were wondering.
“Tank had given him a taste for kink, his buddies had offered the full banquet.”
I cannot in any way condone this sentiment and quite frankly, I find it offensive. Then again, Tony’s mantra is:
“We’re sick fucks, aren’t we?”
This quote should give you a sense of the complete and utter lack of self-worth Tony has:
“Aiden had gone skittish on him, indulging his whims when he should have been pounding him into roadkill.”
So, Tony has deluded himself into believing abuse and/or sex equate to love which brings me to these characters.
“Tony had finally realized that what he wanted, what he so desperately needed, was to feel cherished and loved and respected.”
Tony is, quite frankly, a pathetic character. He has no concept of what the words “cherished, loved or respected” actually mean which in a way makes me pity him. Then again, ignorance is bliss. He has no voice; he allows people to run roughshod over him regularly so much so that he allows Jorge to bareback him the second time they have sex. They are not in a relationship. In fact, Jorge is still seeing Maria, his some time girlfriend. The first time Tony meets Tank, Tank corners him in the restroom and asks him if he’s ever been raped then proceeds to jack them both off and Tony never utters a word of protest. Not during or after and later muses:
“Mostly what they shared was trust. And an addiction that threatened to get out of control, especially if they explored those limits together.”
Really? The guy that cornered you in a restroom, jacked you off, illicitly paid you $100 for the pleasure, left you with his three biker buddies to gang rape you, beat the crap out of you and cut on you who then left you afterwards only to randomly turn up at your apartment about a week later to whisk you away yet again to a cabin by the river, bind you in a sling, engage in breath play and sounding once more and leave you naked directly afterwards. Again? That guy is the one you trust? I don’t know about you guys, but I’d call that misguided.
Tony’s impulsive, reckless, and has no forethought whatsoever. His methods of coping with even the slightest obstacle are to either drink to excess or run away. To say that his relationship with Aiden is volatile would be an understatement. Yet, he’s so desperate for any sort of affection that he believes he loves both Aiden and Tank and the indecisiveness of his affections just made the notion that he and Aiden loved one another ludicrous.
Aiden’s a bully, has a dreadful temper, is known to punch holes into the drywall, yells, screams and shakes Tony regularly. Up until Aiden comes to rescue Tony from Tank’s beach house, Tony believes that Aiden hates him with good reason. He regularly berates and belittles him at work, in front of others. After the “rescue”, Aiden’s friend, Ruby, politely informs Tony that all of Aiden’s behavior actually means that he likes him. Ruby likens the behavior to little boys who pull little girls’ hair. Aiden is 43. I’m supposed to not only identify with a character who acts like a child but to condone that behavior because it’s par for the course? Tony and Aiden’s relationship, such as it is, can be summed up as fighting and fucking. That’s it. It’s a blessing that Ruby is such a good friend because he’s called to referee often since neither of them have anything resembling communication skills. But apparently this equates to “love” in The Wrong Side of Right.
Overall, the story arc was confounding not to mention offensive. The characters engage in vigilante justice, are seedy and I think I’ve covered ad nauseam how unsavory their behaviors are all of which is worsened by the assertion that any of this equates to love. The fact that the rape is glossed over as part of Tony’s “dark” need i.e. his newfound kink just went all over me mainly because the inherent message is ‘it’s ok to rape someone as long as you make them come like a geyser’. That means they liked it and that it’s ok, right? No harm, no foul. Except in this case there was harm, it just got swept under the “kink” need/’I'm a sick fuck’ rug.
The time jumps were irksome and I’ve no idea what’s going on with the water in New Jersey. It’s like they’re living next to Chernobyl or something-none of it is drinkable so they inevitably have to resort to drinking beer instead. Convenient.
The writing style is muddled. I’m not even sure how to describe it. It’s sort of flowery, almost existential in a way, overly descriptive at times with a mixture of slang and spanglish that were jarring. There were many lines in Spanish that weren’t converted. Many of Tony’s inner musings were nonsensical. I didn’t care for the vocabulary choices of “phallus” and “bio break” nor did I care for Tony’s incessant need to refer to Tank as “his beast” and Aiden as “his Adonis”.
I can’t in any way recommend The Wrong Side of Right because I fundamentally disagree with the message; however, this book has a wide range of ratings which generally translates into it having made an impact on everyone differently. My line of work no doubt colors my perspective, but it is what it is.
A review copy was provided in exchange for an honest review.
I wrote an accompanying piece on abuse for the blog. If you're so inclined, click HERE
December 22, 2014
TWO & A HALF HEARTS--This is my first time reading from Nya Rawlyns. "The Wrong Side of Right" is a story about a twenty seven year old virgin, Tony who is a typical loner. He has no real friends, he despises himself and his sexuality, he works two crappy jobs - a manager at a Quick Lube (no joke) and bartender/waiter/minion. Tony is highly insecure, has a major crush on his older jerk of a cross dressing boss who treats Tony like crap and is so pathetic, he pays a co-worker teen for a weekly blowjob.
Based on the blurb, I thought this story would have been a sort of love triangle filled with kink and forbidden trysts. Warning: If rape is a trigger, do not read this book. You have been warned.
You see that guy on the right hand side of the cover? That's pretty much me after reading this book. I might get a little spoiler-y with my review. Forgive me.
Things I am sure about :
I do not like the writing style of this book. It is muddied, murky, and rough.
I am not a fan of the term "bio-break".
I did not hate this book.
I did not like this book.
I am confused.
Tony is full of despair, his thoughts are distorted and at one point he seems suicidal, sort of. I couldn't get a clear picture on Tony. I don't think Tony had a clear picture of himself. I do not have a problem with reading about depressed characters. I do not have a problem reading non-con. But I do take issue when I can't get a sense of a character. The only person I am sure of is Frank the cop. Everyone else is full of question marks.
Tony goes from a loner virgin to sleeping with six different men within a week (granted three of those men gang raped Tony.) But he seemed to have liked it and kind of brushed it off. How so you may ask? He goes to sleep with his sixth man consensually the day after...with no problems. I mean he was bloodied and bruised but his aches get kind of glossed over. He makes rash, silly decisions like falls in insta-love twice in a week (yes with two different men). I don't know if he's supposed to be naive since he sort of imprints to the men who fuck him and shows him any bit of attention. Hence, his pseudo acceptance of being violated. The rape scene was should have been clearer in my opinion but I know he was raped but I don't know what happened. I felt like this with a lot of the story. There was metaphorical prose where it didn't work for me.
The jerk of a boss, Aiden is possessive and acted like a five year old with his first crush by treating Tony like crap. He's too damaged to control his emotions. Don't think Tony was a full formed door mat. He took Aiden's treatment after making some noise or having an argument. At one point, it seemed Aiden was going to deck Tony and I wanted him to...that's where I knew there was a problem. Just when I thought I got a handle of the main characters - both men came out of the closet later in life and are trying to come to grips with it, something is dumped in to murk the storyline.
What is that pray tell? Mostly it is the biker bear named Tank. Tank is a behemoth is well over six feet and damaged. He's been through past rape and now has a 'don't mess with me' attitude.
Tank sees Tony in a bar, bruises his arm, Tony is scared and then a spot of dub con is added because Tony has a frottage scene with the bear right after. He's addicted to the dark. And the next day Tony who is need of his both jobs and never takes a day off, runs away with Tank. Say what? And then sounding and breath play is added in. But just when I though I got a handle, Tank's buddies comes in and gang rapes Tony.
What did Tank do you wonder? (I mean you don't get nicknamed Tank for nothing.)
Tank leaves Tony. I kid you not. The big bear leaves! To get help...uh huh.
I could have glossed over the rough patches and stuck to the main items that worked like the initial sounding and breath play scene. The act was hot. However, the build up to these acts was closer to nonexistent. But Tony thinks Tank is great because he saved him. There's a deeper story with Tony learning his limits in edge play with Tank. I found that under the murk but I can't feel for characters I have no feelings for.
The rape...it didn't seem to bother Tony as much. He didn't even worry about getting tested for diseases until months after being with Aiden. I had an issue with that. also with Tony's silly reasoning for trying to leave Aiden the last time. If he already explained he was going to do what he did (the scheme was an idiotic one from the start) why would he leave? It made no sense.
Tank was a coward.
Tony was confused and everything he foolishly struggled against...he still did.
Aiden was mean but him I get. Mostly.
And "bio break", why couldn't Tony just say he was going to use the restroom or urinate or defecate? It was odd to me. The kink was the best part of the book. But kink can not stand alone on a convoluted plot.
This story wasn't a steaming pile of "bio break", I can give it that. I'm down the middle with this story. *shrugs*
A copy provided for an honest review.
Based on the blurb, I thought this story would have been a sort of love triangle filled with kink and forbidden trysts. Warning: If rape is a trigger, do not read this book. You have been warned.
You see that guy on the right hand side of the cover? That's pretty much me after reading this book. I might get a little spoiler-y with my review. Forgive me.
Things I am sure about :
I do not like the writing style of this book. It is muddied, murky, and rough.
I am not a fan of the term "bio-break".
I did not hate this book.
I did not like this book.
I am confused.
Tony is full of despair, his thoughts are distorted and at one point he seems suicidal, sort of. I couldn't get a clear picture on Tony. I don't think Tony had a clear picture of himself. I do not have a problem with reading about depressed characters. I do not have a problem reading non-con. But I do take issue when I can't get a sense of a character. The only person I am sure of is Frank the cop. Everyone else is full of question marks.
Tony goes from a loner virgin to sleeping with six different men within a week (granted three of those men gang raped Tony.) But he seemed to have liked it and kind of brushed it off. How so you may ask? He goes to sleep with his sixth man consensually the day after...with no problems. I mean he was bloodied and bruised but his aches get kind of glossed over. He makes rash, silly decisions like falls in insta-love twice in a week (yes with two different men). I don't know if he's supposed to be naive since he sort of imprints to the men who fuck him and shows him any bit of attention. Hence, his pseudo acceptance of being violated. The rape scene was should have been clearer in my opinion but I know he was raped but I don't know what happened. I felt like this with a lot of the story. There was metaphorical prose where it didn't work for me.
The jerk of a boss, Aiden is possessive and acted like a five year old with his first crush by treating Tony like crap. He's too damaged to control his emotions. Don't think Tony was a full formed door mat. He took Aiden's treatment after making some noise or having an argument. At one point, it seemed Aiden was going to deck Tony and I wanted him to...that's where I knew there was a problem. Just when I thought I got a handle of the main characters - both men came out of the closet later in life and are trying to come to grips with it, something is dumped in to murk the storyline.
What is that pray tell? Mostly it is the biker bear named Tank. Tank is a behemoth is well over six feet and damaged. He's been through past rape and now has a 'don't mess with me' attitude.
Tank sees Tony in a bar, bruises his arm, Tony is scared and then a spot of dub con is added because Tony has a frottage scene with the bear right after. He's addicted to the dark. And the next day Tony who is need of his both jobs and never takes a day off, runs away with Tank. Say what? And then sounding and breath play is added in. But just when I though I got a handle, Tank's buddies comes in and gang rapes Tony.
What did Tank do you wonder? (I mean you don't get nicknamed Tank for nothing.)
Tank leaves Tony. I kid you not. The big bear leaves! To get help...uh huh.
I could have glossed over the rough patches and stuck to the main items that worked like the initial sounding and breath play scene. The act was hot. However, the build up to these acts was closer to nonexistent. But Tony thinks Tank is great because he saved him. There's a deeper story with Tony learning his limits in edge play with Tank. I found that under the murk but I can't feel for characters I have no feelings for.
The rape...it didn't seem to bother Tony as much. He didn't even worry about getting tested for diseases until months after being with Aiden. I had an issue with that. also with Tony's silly reasoning for trying to leave Aiden the last time. If he already explained he was going to do what he did (the scheme was an idiotic one from the start) why would he leave? It made no sense.
Tank was a coward.
Tony was confused and everything he foolishly struggled against...he still did.
Aiden was mean but him I get. Mostly.
And "bio break", why couldn't Tony just say he was going to use the restroom or urinate or defecate? It was odd to me. The kink was the best part of the book. But kink can not stand alone on a convoluted plot.
This story wasn't a steaming pile of "bio break", I can give it that. I'm down the middle with this story. *shrugs*
A copy provided for an honest review.
August 25, 2016
2 to 2.5 stars.
I really wanted to love this book. I was hoping for a good, dark, read along the lines of Don't... or Deliver Us. While the book had potential, it just missed the mark. The writing style didn't flow for me, and the emotions I wanted to feel were lacking. The book is also riddled with spelling and typographical errors.
All the main characters have issues, especially Tony and Tank. I liked both Tony and Aiden, but had trouble connecting with their relationship and the insta-love on Aiden's part. And be warned there is a horrible gang rape scene in this book.
I really wanted to love this book. I was hoping for a good, dark, read along the lines of Don't... or Deliver Us. While the book had potential, it just missed the mark. The writing style didn't flow for me, and the emotions I wanted to feel were lacking. The book is also riddled with spelling and typographical errors.
All the main characters have issues, especially Tony and Tank. I liked both Tony and Aiden, but had trouble connecting with their relationship and the insta-love on Aiden's part. And be warned there is a horrible gang rape scene in this book.
November 23, 2023
"What does it matter? They all trade on the flesh, one way, or another!"
When I heard those words. I should have stopped the book, right there! I started getting Akame ga Kills vibes.
It's like a Little boy blue fairytale retelling. People wanting to achieve great things, through honest means. While Wolves surround them. Their downfall was trusting the boy.
When I heard those words. I should have stopped the book, right there! I started getting Akame ga Kills vibes.
It's like a Little boy blue fairytale retelling. People wanting to achieve great things, through honest means. While Wolves surround them. Their downfall was trusting the boy.
October 26, 2021
"We are sick fuks aren't we?" Tony
"Yea"-Tank
Looks like Im going to be the unpopular opinion again
But I loved this book! I wasn't expecting to have read what I read however once I jumped down this rabbit hole I was like MORE! MORE! MORE!
I loved Tony in this novel he was such a sweetheart. Usually I am not a fan of the submissive because authors most of the time tend to write them overly feminine or whiny however Tony took everything like a champ.
*Side note i actually dropped this authors other book that had Tank in it (Good Boy Bad), I will try it again in the future*
"Yea"-Tank
Looks like Im going to be the unpopular opinion again
But I loved this book! I wasn't expecting to have read what I read however once I jumped down this rabbit hole I was like MORE! MORE! MORE!
I loved Tony in this novel he was such a sweetheart. Usually I am not a fan of the submissive because authors most of the time tend to write them overly feminine or whiny however Tony took everything like a champ.
*Side note i actually dropped this authors other book that had Tank in it (Good Boy Bad), I will try it again in the future*
June 6, 2013
4 Hearts
Review written for MM Good Book Reviews
http://mmgoodbookreviews.wordpress.com/
Yeah, I’m a sucker for abused characters and this story had a whole lot of them, too many in my opinion but that didn’t deter me from enjoying it.
So there were many things I loved about this book starting with how the main character Tony literally drags you in his weird life from the very start. His character, his personality is the kind you almost can’t shut your eyes at, being a twenty-seven years old virgin, not having had a single relationship, never having felt wanted by his own family or anyone since and always, always feeling unworthy of love or intimacy, a pervert good for nothing and pathetic he surrounds you in his veil of depression and desperation and you simply can’t escape that. It is almost surreal following him around in his efforts to find a fleeting feeling for which he has no name of, a special place where he can escape his constantly overworking brain, even if it’s for a few minutes every time.
As this story is Tony’s we experience everything from his perspective so it’s a given that his personality and his emotions are everywhere, often distorting reality and events the way he understands them. Sometimes it’s frustrating as, as I said, his view of self-worth is quite low. He is naïve in so many ways you don’t expect a man his age to be. While he has a secret crush for his boss, Aiden, he also dislikes the man. What he understands about him is that his boss hates him, hanging over his shoulder, waiting for Tony to fuck up. Could he be more wrong? I don’t think so.
Yes, we – the readers- do understand how wrong Tony is, but he simply can’t get out of his own head for a second, to be objective about his surroundings. He strongly believes that he is not worth of love, or even friendship. It’s how he allows Jorge to completely take advantage of him and use him as is proven toward the end in the most horrible way in Tony’s head. His once a week encounters with the bisexual man leaves him drained and each time it feels as if he’s missing another small piece of his soul.
But then in the picture comes Tank, a man full of anger and dangerous vibrations that should cause Tony running the hell away from him. Yet we witness Tony not being able to say no, craving those dark fantasies too much, even when things turn ugly and the ecstasy turns to sheer horror and the pleasure to a death-wish, their poisonous allure is too strong for Tony to resist. And if it weren’t for Aiden Caldwell, the white knight in stilettos as Tony refers to him, if it weren’t for Aiden’s blind and unreasonable love for his unworthy self, Tony would never want to escape those dark sensations, the despair, the agony, the shame and disgust for himself that he got out of his encounters with Tank and his ilk.
It is a strange book in so many ways this one. I’m afraid not everything was ok with me, such was Aiden’s love. He took one look at Tony and fell in love with him and that is not explained throughout the story. I suppose I could understand why he fell for Tony. Tony’s character is quite smart when it comes to numbers, he is an honest man, one you can rely on to do his job in a kind of purity you don’t often see, and he has many other attributes that unfortunately were not rightly shown to his advantage. I suppose it’s that that makes Aiden’s love seem so ludicrous, his possessiveness standing no grounds and his all-I-have-you-have attitude making no sense. While the author gave some serious pair-time for Tank and Tony and even for Tony and Jorge, the relationship of Tony and Aiden was left a bit vague and hasty. It suddenly escalated seemingly from one heart-beat to another and before we had time to figure out their chemistry they had jumped into fighting – and boy did they fight- for money and gifts (Tony kept feeling a kept boy-toy) and trying to understand and compromise and make a real partnership work. In the end there were so many things I simply didn’t get about this pair and their reactions toward each other, especially Tony who was a real study in weird behavior.
But, and this is a big but, I still stand by the fact that I loved this book. It was too intense for me not to and I got really invested from the beginning. Add to that that this is also a book containing some very interesting fetishes (sounding [good God, sounding finally in a damn book] and cross-dressing) and yeah, I’m totally lost. If in any way you gain a guilty pleasure out of cruelty, harsh and vicious sex, fetishes and kinks, well then you might want to take a look at this book. It certainly had me on my toes. ;)
Thommie
Review written for MM Good Book Reviews
http://mmgoodbookreviews.wordpress.com/
Yeah, I’m a sucker for abused characters and this story had a whole lot of them, too many in my opinion but that didn’t deter me from enjoying it.
So there were many things I loved about this book starting with how the main character Tony literally drags you in his weird life from the very start. His character, his personality is the kind you almost can’t shut your eyes at, being a twenty-seven years old virgin, not having had a single relationship, never having felt wanted by his own family or anyone since and always, always feeling unworthy of love or intimacy, a pervert good for nothing and pathetic he surrounds you in his veil of depression and desperation and you simply can’t escape that. It is almost surreal following him around in his efforts to find a fleeting feeling for which he has no name of, a special place where he can escape his constantly overworking brain, even if it’s for a few minutes every time.
As this story is Tony’s we experience everything from his perspective so it’s a given that his personality and his emotions are everywhere, often distorting reality and events the way he understands them. Sometimes it’s frustrating as, as I said, his view of self-worth is quite low. He is naïve in so many ways you don’t expect a man his age to be. While he has a secret crush for his boss, Aiden, he also dislikes the man. What he understands about him is that his boss hates him, hanging over his shoulder, waiting for Tony to fuck up. Could he be more wrong? I don’t think so.
Yes, we – the readers- do understand how wrong Tony is, but he simply can’t get out of his own head for a second, to be objective about his surroundings. He strongly believes that he is not worth of love, or even friendship. It’s how he allows Jorge to completely take advantage of him and use him as is proven toward the end in the most horrible way in Tony’s head. His once a week encounters with the bisexual man leaves him drained and each time it feels as if he’s missing another small piece of his soul.
But then in the picture comes Tank, a man full of anger and dangerous vibrations that should cause Tony running the hell away from him. Yet we witness Tony not being able to say no, craving those dark fantasies too much, even when things turn ugly and the ecstasy turns to sheer horror and the pleasure to a death-wish, their poisonous allure is too strong for Tony to resist. And if it weren’t for Aiden Caldwell, the white knight in stilettos as Tony refers to him, if it weren’t for Aiden’s blind and unreasonable love for his unworthy self, Tony would never want to escape those dark sensations, the despair, the agony, the shame and disgust for himself that he got out of his encounters with Tank and his ilk.
It is a strange book in so many ways this one. I’m afraid not everything was ok with me, such was Aiden’s love. He took one look at Tony and fell in love with him and that is not explained throughout the story. I suppose I could understand why he fell for Tony. Tony’s character is quite smart when it comes to numbers, he is an honest man, one you can rely on to do his job in a kind of purity you don’t often see, and he has many other attributes that unfortunately were not rightly shown to his advantage. I suppose it’s that that makes Aiden’s love seem so ludicrous, his possessiveness standing no grounds and his all-I-have-you-have attitude making no sense. While the author gave some serious pair-time for Tank and Tony and even for Tony and Jorge, the relationship of Tony and Aiden was left a bit vague and hasty. It suddenly escalated seemingly from one heart-beat to another and before we had time to figure out their chemistry they had jumped into fighting – and boy did they fight- for money and gifts (Tony kept feeling a kept boy-toy) and trying to understand and compromise and make a real partnership work. In the end there were so many things I simply didn’t get about this pair and their reactions toward each other, especially Tony who was a real study in weird behavior.
But, and this is a big but, I still stand by the fact that I loved this book. It was too intense for me not to and I got really invested from the beginning. Add to that that this is also a book containing some very interesting fetishes (sounding [good God, sounding finally in a damn book] and cross-dressing) and yeah, I’m totally lost. If in any way you gain a guilty pleasure out of cruelty, harsh and vicious sex, fetishes and kinks, well then you might want to take a look at this book. It certainly had me on my toes. ;)
Thommie
January 18, 2014
Review from The Blogger Girls.
I was very excited when asked to review this book, as it sounded like just my kind of story. I actually already had it on my tbr, so this was just the push I needed to get to it. It had my attention from page one, and I was excited to see how things would play out right to the end. There were many things I liked, and a few I had a hard time with. It is definitely a bit on the darker side, but I really enjoyed the struggles going on here.
Tony is kind of a down-on-his-luck guy with a few extra issues thrown in. He works as a mechanic by day, bartender by night. He is somewhat in the closet mostly for fear of abuse and partly due to the fears put into him growing up. Add to that his biggest issue, his darker cravings. He is quite the emotional wreck in terms of esteem and dealing with his feelings and needs. He struggles with his physical reactions to the beatings and harsh treatment he has received and needing to seek it out more and more. He meets Tank, who sort of helps him with this particular issue.
Then we have Adian, Tony’s boss. Both have had the hots for each other since day one, but Aidan has a few issues of his own. For starters, he never knew how to approach Tony, even after he found out he was gay, so he went the opposite route, treating him like crap. He also harbors his own secret of cross-dressing which he struggles to deal with. I liked these guys together, although I wish there had been a little more depth to their relationship.
I found it hard to keep up with this story at times, almost like I was missing pieces of the puzzle here and there. But I kept pushing forward and didn’t have much trouble catching back up with things. It was this choppiness in the writing style that I think gave me the biggest trouble. But there was enough excitement and engaging storytelling going on that kept me turning page after page. I’m glad I had the opportunity to read this one and will definitely be looking to read more from Ms. Rawlyns in the future.
June 8, 2015
uhh...what to say?
The kink was pretty good. Some of it was hot, some was hohum. But there was enough good kink to make it enjoyable.
The story was alright, not great but not bad.
Tank was left a little fuzzy...he got some good kink scenes, but the character wasn't fully developed.
I wanted to like Aiden, and I did enough to want Tony to end up with him. But really, we never know much about him, other than his temper, and his weekend activities.
Sometimes the writing was nice and flowy, and sometimes (especially the rape) it was muddy.
Overall, I liked it okay. I'm glad I read it. But it's not something I would ever re-read.
The kink was pretty good. Some of it was hot, some was hohum. But there was enough good kink to make it enjoyable.
The story was alright, not great but not bad.
Tank was left a little fuzzy...he got some good kink scenes, but the character wasn't fully developed.
I wanted to like Aiden, and I did enough to want Tony to end up with him. But really, we never know much about him, other than his temper, and his weekend activities.
Sometimes the writing was nice and flowy, and sometimes (especially the rape) it was muddy.
Overall, I liked it okay. I'm glad I read it. But it's not something I would ever re-read.
May 30, 2013
Sometimes we hurt ourselves because we are too terrified to feel good. Honestly, how many of us get this life thing right? If you are looking for a book that has sweet romance don't bother reading this book. This is the story of a soul searching for his place in this world when he was brought up to believe he would never fit. He makes choices some good, some self destructive. But each choice he makes brings him closer to the realization that he always did fit. There is a place for everyone. I found myself weeping and laughing and cheering. Would I read this book again? Yes, in a heartbeat.
July 1, 2024
3.5 stars
This is a book you really need to sit with to figure out whether or not you like it. I would definitely categorized this book in the WTF book did I just read category. I f you are looking for a clean cut sweet love story this is not the book for you. I was definitely in a book rut and needed something that was not a common pick for me. I still 1000% unsure what happened at some parts of this book but I had my interest to push on to find out what would happen next.
This is a book you really need to sit with to figure out whether or not you like it. I would definitely categorized this book in the WTF book did I just read category. I f you are looking for a clean cut sweet love story this is not the book for you. I was definitely in a book rut and needed something that was not a common pick for me. I still 1000% unsure what happened at some parts of this book but I had my interest to push on to find out what would happen next.
March 25, 2018
I am not sure how I feel about this book. The main protagonist is mired in self hatred and since his is the only pov we get, it gets a bit depressing at times. Also there are some fucked up situations, which I am not sure were handled well...
At 50% in I was still not sure who Tony was going to end up with, which made it difficult to feel 100% engaged in the story. When I finally figured out the "real" love interest I never really "saw" the love. I understood there was attraction and lust, but love? I am not so sure...
The writing is a almost poetic, but it didn't fit the gritty depressing story and sometimes actually became a hindrance in my opinion, which was a pity. Because no doubt about it, this woman can write. However, I wished she had made different choices in this story.
I also wished we had been given either Aidan's pov or at least more of his back story. I never really understood Seline and why she came about. I am normally not a reader who likes to be spoon feed information or back story, but in this one I felt like I was missing a piece of the puzzle....
The narrator, Michael Ferraiuolo, was great as always. And to be honest, he was the reason I picked up this book.
At 50% in I was still not sure who Tony was going to end up with, which made it difficult to feel 100% engaged in the story. When I finally figured out the "real" love interest I never really "saw" the love. I understood there was attraction and lust, but love? I am not so sure...
The writing is a almost poetic, but it didn't fit the gritty depressing story and sometimes actually became a hindrance in my opinion, which was a pity. Because no doubt about it, this woman can write. However, I wished she had made different choices in this story.
I also wished we had been given either Aidan's pov or at least more of his back story. I never really understood Seline and why she came about. I am normally not a reader who likes to be spoon feed information or back story, but in this one I felt like I was missing a piece of the puzzle....
The narrator, Michael Ferraiuolo, was great as always. And to be honest, he was the reason I picked up this book.
November 26, 2013
4 & a 1/2 Stars!
This highly erotic and powerful story took me by surprise and then some as it plunged me deep into the raw emotional depths of its lead character, Tony, a seemingly surly mechanic with a preference for a side of pain with his pleasure. Tossed immediately into Tony’s rapid-fire observations of the world he inhabits, I first wasn’t sure what to make of his churlish, anxiety-ridden, but passionate commentary. From his boss, whom he has a crush on, to the customers in the auto shop where he works, to his Latino coworker, Jorge, who frequently provides Tony with a little sumthing-sumthing on the side, Tony’s harsh critiques show little mercy.
Shortly, I realized that for every cutting remark Tony directed externally, albeit silently, he voiced thrice as many harsh comments toward himself. This is where this author’s skill at revelation of character transcends the norm. With the precision of a laser slicing a pea, Tony is revealed to be a man on the edge. An edge of fear and self-loathing so profound that his self-esteem is a chronic, barely scabbed over wound, which he obsessively picks at in an attempt to keep his secrets hidden.
Long before Tony’s secrets are revealed I felt a kinship and empathy for him that transcended to a poignant love for humanity in general. Especially the orphaned and abused struggling to hide their imagined flaws as they try to catch up to the “normal” world, wondering “Why the hell does everyone else seem to know what they are doing but me?” I daresay anyone who has trod the edge or the abyss of self-directed anxiety with a certainty that discovery followed by ridicule and destruction is imminent, will have much compassion for Tony.
This exploration of profound, guttural emotion makes for an engrossing and fascinating read. The story of Tony’s daily life and his attempt to find the cure for what ails him is revealed via his relationships with his boss, Aiden, his coworker, Jorge, and his companion in sexual pain, Tank. Events play out in a series of stimulating encounters that shed much light on the patchwork of damage that is Tony Mitchell. Sex play with toys provides scorching fodder for the imagination, while misunderstandings and miscommunications contribute to the fragile undertones echoing this work. Romance is afforded by scenes of tender sacrifice, some of which put me in mind of a modern day Gift of the Magi.
The brilliance of Nya Rawlyn’s wordplay and storytelling ability is such that other than revealing that Tony is slight and has a light beard, there is little description of his outer appearance and yet I could only see him as beautiful. I got to know the man from the inside out through his somewhat warped self-perspective and through the eyes of others. The details, provided in precious nuggets from his vivid companions, kept me in a state of anticipation, uncertain whether I could trust the vision of the realistically flawed supporting characters. This too added to the page-turner drive of the tale, the need to know the truth of Tony outside of altered perception. Aiden’s response to Tony and a subsequent trip to a menswear store vividly portray the disparity of inner esteem and outer appearance, the latter revealing that the author also has a gift for light comedy. The character of Ruby, Aiden’s closest friend, also provides delightful moments of mirth.
While the jagged little pill of inner angst struck a wonderful chord for me, this multi-dimensional story has a lot more going for it. Excellent BDSM scenes, a bit of criminal activity, and the romancing of Tony by the hot, lean, fit handsome machine that is Aiden Caldwell make for a well-rounded story. But make no mistake; this is not cookie cutter male-male romance. These are gritty, sensual characters who work hard for their pleasure, written about in the sublime language of inner turmoil, masculine ambition, and relentless sexual drive. It’s the wrong side of right, but it is oh, so right.
Thank you, Nya Rawlyns, for penning this tale of the inner man…coming out. “Powerful, Luminous, Fragility”
NOTE: This book was provided by the author for the purpose of a review on Rainbow Book Reviews.
This highly erotic and powerful story took me by surprise and then some as it plunged me deep into the raw emotional depths of its lead character, Tony, a seemingly surly mechanic with a preference for a side of pain with his pleasure. Tossed immediately into Tony’s rapid-fire observations of the world he inhabits, I first wasn’t sure what to make of his churlish, anxiety-ridden, but passionate commentary. From his boss, whom he has a crush on, to the customers in the auto shop where he works, to his Latino coworker, Jorge, who frequently provides Tony with a little sumthing-sumthing on the side, Tony’s harsh critiques show little mercy.
Shortly, I realized that for every cutting remark Tony directed externally, albeit silently, he voiced thrice as many harsh comments toward himself. This is where this author’s skill at revelation of character transcends the norm. With the precision of a laser slicing a pea, Tony is revealed to be a man on the edge. An edge of fear and self-loathing so profound that his self-esteem is a chronic, barely scabbed over wound, which he obsessively picks at in an attempt to keep his secrets hidden.
Long before Tony’s secrets are revealed I felt a kinship and empathy for him that transcended to a poignant love for humanity in general. Especially the orphaned and abused struggling to hide their imagined flaws as they try to catch up to the “normal” world, wondering “Why the hell does everyone else seem to know what they are doing but me?” I daresay anyone who has trod the edge or the abyss of self-directed anxiety with a certainty that discovery followed by ridicule and destruction is imminent, will have much compassion for Tony.
This exploration of profound, guttural emotion makes for an engrossing and fascinating read. The story of Tony’s daily life and his attempt to find the cure for what ails him is revealed via his relationships with his boss, Aiden, his coworker, Jorge, and his companion in sexual pain, Tank. Events play out in a series of stimulating encounters that shed much light on the patchwork of damage that is Tony Mitchell. Sex play with toys provides scorching fodder for the imagination, while misunderstandings and miscommunications contribute to the fragile undertones echoing this work. Romance is afforded by scenes of tender sacrifice, some of which put me in mind of a modern day Gift of the Magi.
The brilliance of Nya Rawlyn’s wordplay and storytelling ability is such that other than revealing that Tony is slight and has a light beard, there is little description of his outer appearance and yet I could only see him as beautiful. I got to know the man from the inside out through his somewhat warped self-perspective and through the eyes of others. The details, provided in precious nuggets from his vivid companions, kept me in a state of anticipation, uncertain whether I could trust the vision of the realistically flawed supporting characters. This too added to the page-turner drive of the tale, the need to know the truth of Tony outside of altered perception. Aiden’s response to Tony and a subsequent trip to a menswear store vividly portray the disparity of inner esteem and outer appearance, the latter revealing that the author also has a gift for light comedy. The character of Ruby, Aiden’s closest friend, also provides delightful moments of mirth.
While the jagged little pill of inner angst struck a wonderful chord for me, this multi-dimensional story has a lot more going for it. Excellent BDSM scenes, a bit of criminal activity, and the romancing of Tony by the hot, lean, fit handsome machine that is Aiden Caldwell make for a well-rounded story. But make no mistake; this is not cookie cutter male-male romance. These are gritty, sensual characters who work hard for their pleasure, written about in the sublime language of inner turmoil, masculine ambition, and relentless sexual drive. It’s the wrong side of right, but it is oh, so right.
Thank you, Nya Rawlyns, for penning this tale of the inner man…coming out. “Powerful, Luminous, Fragility”
NOTE: This book was provided by the author for the purpose of a review on Rainbow Book Reviews.
May 28, 2014
Oh Tony! I spent most of this book wishing I could hug him, or hit him. Which I imagine is how Aiden felt too. Tony don't! Tony! Oh Tony! *wipes tear away* This was such a fabulous title I read it in 2 days. Couldn't put it down. The sex was hot and the story compelling. Sweet Tony didn't have a clue, still a closeted virgin at 27 and no closer to finding himself then to finding love. Rawlyns portrayal of Tony is fabulous and completely relatable, full of self-hate, insecurity and desperation, its not surprising that he clings to any affection he can find, even if it's just a $20 blowjob once a week.
When he finally finds someone who seems to understand, he dives in without thought, even convincing himself he loves the man who has shown him the heights of what his body craves. Sure it happens fast, but remember this is Tony we're talking about, and he's not all about good decisions. After his awakening tragedy strikes and he's raped by three large and brutal men.
Now here's the place where some of you may buck, but as much as it was a violation, Tony also found a kind of freedom in having his choices removed. This is a theme in the book and an important one. Pain does not equal release and giving up control completely doesn't equal trust. Tony has to learn this, the hard way.
The transgressive part of this erotica is strong, both in the rape issues and in the pain/pleasure theme, but don't forget we have a cross dresser and some beautifully depicted gay counter culture. You need an open mind, but the people and situations here are beautifully and brutally honest.
After Tony's violation Aiden swoops in and saves him. And here's why this review isn't 5 stars: Aiden just magically appears over and over at the right time, saying the right thing. I know it's fantasy and we all love the idea of the rich guy who adores us no matter how stupid we behave, but it just didn't read. Maybe if I'd gotten some of Aiden's POV or if there was more detail about who he was, why he cross dressed, why he loved Tony, ANYTHING I would have bought into it more. As it was, he seemed to get angry a lot but forgive too easily and accept explanations that didn't make sense (like the end, I still don't completely understand why Tony thought he needed to leave or why he changed his mind...)
Overall, a good book. A few plot and character issues but well worth the read.
When he finally finds someone who seems to understand, he dives in without thought, even convincing himself he loves the man who has shown him the heights of what his body craves. Sure it happens fast, but remember this is Tony we're talking about, and he's not all about good decisions. After his awakening tragedy strikes and he's raped by three large and brutal men.
Now here's the place where some of you may buck, but as much as it was a violation, Tony also found a kind of freedom in having his choices removed. This is a theme in the book and an important one. Pain does not equal release and giving up control completely doesn't equal trust. Tony has to learn this, the hard way.
The transgressive part of this erotica is strong, both in the rape issues and in the pain/pleasure theme, but don't forget we have a cross dresser and some beautifully depicted gay counter culture. You need an open mind, but the people and situations here are beautifully and brutally honest.
After Tony's violation Aiden swoops in and saves him. And here's why this review isn't 5 stars: Aiden just magically appears over and over at the right time, saying the right thing. I know it's fantasy and we all love the idea of the rich guy who adores us no matter how stupid we behave, but it just didn't read. Maybe if I'd gotten some of Aiden's POV or if there was more detail about who he was, why he cross dressed, why he loved Tony, ANYTHING I would have bought into it more. As it was, he seemed to get angry a lot but forgive too easily and accept explanations that didn't make sense (like the end, I still don't completely understand why Tony thought he needed to leave or why he changed his mind...)
Overall, a good book. A few plot and character issues but well worth the read.
February 8, 2017
WOW... I don't think I have ever read a book that covered so many kinks... nope, pretty sure I haven't! Now, even allowing for all the kinks and Tony's search for himself through said kinks and let's not forget Aiden had a kink or three himself... this was a disturbing book that didn't quite click with me. Strangely enough, it was like I was standing outside of the story, looking in but not feeling any emotions about the dark, terrifying scenes that Ms. Rawlyns had written. I wonder if it was just me not connecting with the characters or if it was the way the author presented them to us... like how Tony felt he deserved and on some level even enjoyed part of the horrific things that were done to him... hmmm.
I will say, though, that I liked the way the story ended... it gave me closure to see that things turned out the way "I" felt they should have! ;D
I will say, though, that I liked the way the story ended... it gave me closure to see that things turned out the way "I" felt they should have! ;D
May 30, 2013
I'm not often moved to write reviews, but this is a book that needs to be trumpeted to the masses. Never have I been so conflicted about who I wanted a character to end up with. This is transgressive lit at its best - from the depths of depravity to the confusion of a life in turmoil, this story will turn you upside down and shake your expectations of how the world should work. For once I wasn't upset by a happy ending, because Tony earned his happiness one grueling inch at a time. And the sex . . . hotter than hot and brilliantly real. Do yourself a favor, take a chance on this book, you'll be very glad you did!
July 5, 2017
Where sick Ducks aren't we?
I just loved this book. It was not predictable at all. The characters are so irresistible and you don't know which way the plot is going until it gets there. There is this lonely man and he's so deep in the closet that his boss doesn't even notice. He has an affair with a 19 year old and then sucked by the devil on a bike and a drag queen and her friends come to his rescue and that is just the beginning. Lol you will have to read it to find out who gets the lonely man. The teen or queen of the devil. Definitely worth the pick.
I just loved this book. It was not predictable at all. The characters are so irresistible and you don't know which way the plot is going until it gets there. There is this lonely man and he's so deep in the closet that his boss doesn't even notice. He has an affair with a 19 year old and then sucked by the devil on a bike and a drag queen and her friends come to his rescue and that is just the beginning. Lol you will have to read it to find out who gets the lonely man. The teen or queen of the devil. Definitely worth the pick.
May 31, 2013
This book took me on an INCREDIBLE journey. I cried, cringed, bit my nails, hated, loved and grew in ways I had never expected - and if that isn't the hallmark of AWESOME writing, I am hanging up my quill pen and finding another day job right now. This is an INCREDIBLE story, WELL WORTH being read over and over again, because, in my opinion, you can't get enough of this author's incredible writing.
December 13, 2017
I wanted to like this more than I did. I never got a good grasp on where Troy's inner turmoil was coming from originally, even though it plays such a key role.
I didn't really get the gang rape ... I mean, Tank abandons him to it and that's fine? Troy what, ends up liking it? Am I supposed to pretend it's not a big deal then? Seems like a pretty big deal and I didn't really care for how it kinda got blown off as an "experience that unleashed his dark side" or something.
I hated the plot line of Jorge the Hispanic gangster, just too stereotypical and the way they went about "catching" him was absurd when one of their friends is an officer!
Why make Aiden a queen, make it sound like a gigantic part of Aiden, and never let the readers in on that? No shows, no real explanation for what led him to it.
I can deal with reading between the lines in a book, I'm not a reader who needs every single thing spelled out. But this book could've been helped so much by adding an explanatory sentence here and there.
Two stars for Aiden and Ruby, and the best scenes in the book: Ruby mediating between Troy and Aiden.
I didn't really get the gang rape ... I mean, Tank abandons him to it and that's fine? Troy what, ends up liking it? Am I supposed to pretend it's not a big deal then? Seems like a pretty big deal and I didn't really care for how it kinda got blown off as an "experience that unleashed his dark side" or something.
I hated the plot line of Jorge the Hispanic gangster, just too stereotypical and the way they went about "catching" him was absurd when one of their friends is an officer!
Why make Aiden a queen, make it sound like a gigantic part of Aiden, and never let the readers in on that? No shows, no real explanation for what led him to it.
I can deal with reading between the lines in a book, I'm not a reader who needs every single thing spelled out. But this book could've been helped so much by adding an explanatory sentence here and there.
Two stars for Aiden and Ruby, and the best scenes in the book: Ruby mediating between Troy and Aiden.
March 5, 2024
I have a thing against DNFing. It’s a me thing, even though I truly believe you shouldn’t waste time on something you don’t enjoy. But I also hate giving up and not finishing things. Well, this is my first DNF book. I even made a new shelf for it called hot-mess-dnf.
The writing style is hard to follow and all over the place. I read the synopsis several times, but what was described was not what I got. I don’t do noncon and dubcon. I don’t mind darker or angst books but this felt completely hopeless. And there were no trigger warnings.
So, this is my first dnf. And I’ve finished some pretty terrible books.
The writing style is hard to follow and all over the place. I read the synopsis several times, but what was described was not what I got. I don’t do noncon and dubcon. I don’t mind darker or angst books but this felt completely hopeless. And there were no trigger warnings.
So, this is my first dnf. And I’ve finished some pretty terrible books.
April 14, 2023
3.5*
Apparently this is a follow of story of Good Boy Bad, so I feel like I've missed out on some things. But then again I feel like the author skips over things in the storyline and that's a shame, because I really like the plot.
Apparently this is a follow of story of Good Boy Bad, so I feel like I've missed out on some things. But then again I feel like the author skips over things in the storyline and that's a shame, because I really like the plot.
March 8, 2021
1.5 stars
28% DNF
This book was not for me.
28% DNF
This book was not for me.
March 19, 2018
My heart went out to Tony throughout this story. He suffers from low self-esteem and struggles to make ends meet despite having two jobs, one as a mechanic and one at a bar. He’s lonely and has no real friends. His parents rejected him because of his sexuality and he’s never really found someone to share his desires. Tony wants something from life, but he’s not entirely sure what. He’s managed to reach twenty-seven with no real sexual experience, apart from paying a younger co-worker for a weekly bj he can’t really afford.
In the story Tony has a relationship with three very different men. Jorge, his bisexual co-worker, Aiden, his new boss, and Tank, a guy he meets at the bar. Tank beguiles him and provides a taste of the forbidden and some of what Tony craves. I found myself wanting more time between Tank and Tony. The scene they had together on the beach was beautifully written.
Tony has a love-hate relationship with Aiden at first, but it soon develops into something more and it is obvious he cares for him. Tony struggles with Aiden's controlling nature and it takes time for them to sort themselves out. I liked the support their friends gave them. Some great secondary characters appear in this story.
I like Nya Rawlyns’ writing style, her engaging storytelling, and the various broken characters she creates. There’s some darker, dub-con scenes in this story that are portrayed very well.
Michael is a superb narrator and definitely one of my favourites. He captures the essence of each characters’ personality. His marvellous storytelling draws me in and keeps me hooked.
In the story Tony has a relationship with three very different men. Jorge, his bisexual co-worker, Aiden, his new boss, and Tank, a guy he meets at the bar. Tank beguiles him and provides a taste of the forbidden and some of what Tony craves. I found myself wanting more time between Tank and Tony. The scene they had together on the beach was beautifully written.
Tony has a love-hate relationship with Aiden at first, but it soon develops into something more and it is obvious he cares for him. Tony struggles with Aiden's controlling nature and it takes time for them to sort themselves out. I liked the support their friends gave them. Some great secondary characters appear in this story.
I like Nya Rawlyns’ writing style, her engaging storytelling, and the various broken characters she creates. There’s some darker, dub-con scenes in this story that are portrayed very well.
Michael is a superb narrator and definitely one of my favourites. He captures the essence of each characters’ personality. His marvellous storytelling draws me in and keeps me hooked.
April 27, 2015
Hmm…how do I feel about this book? I was quite hesitant to begin it after reading some of the reviews posted by people. I am thankful that the reviewers listed the rape warning that the author and/or publishers didn’t feel was necessary.
Tony is a semi-closeted gay 27 year old virgin. In the space of a week he manages to lose his virginity, experience hardcore edge play with a man named Tank that he met in a seedy bar bathroom and is then gang raped by Tank’s buddies. Tony’s reaction to the gang rape is atypical at best. He somehow convinces himself that he actually enjoyed the violence and abuse he suffered at the hands of his rapists. WTF? Are you kidding me? Look I get that it’s a book, but that is stretching the bounds of reality just too far. While admittedly each victim reacts differently to their rape, from personal experience I can’t help but scoff at the idea that Tony actually enjoyed it. Maybe that’s just his coping mechanism, in order to keep from completely losing it he rationalizes that he enjoyed it.
I didn’t dislike the book; in fact I was quite interested in the relationship between Tony and Aiden. Of course just as this relationship starts, Tony takes off with Tank again. The boy is confused. He doesn’t want to be Aiden’s boy toy. He rebels against Aiden’s controlling behavior by jumping back into bed with Tank. UGH! The boy’s a yo-yo! Their relationship is borderline abusive yet neither one (Aiden or Tony) seem to be able to live without the other.
I did find it annoying that the author kept using the word phallus. Really? There are quite a few other words available for describing the male penis. What’s wrong with cock? And what is up with bio break? Using the restroom was just too ordinary for you? The over use of these words really drew me out of the story. They just didn’t fit with the flow of words and detracted from the overall story.
Tony is a semi-closeted gay 27 year old virgin. In the space of a week he manages to lose his virginity, experience hardcore edge play with a man named Tank that he met in a seedy bar bathroom and is then gang raped by Tank’s buddies. Tony’s reaction to the gang rape is atypical at best. He somehow convinces himself that he actually enjoyed the violence and abuse he suffered at the hands of his rapists. WTF? Are you kidding me? Look I get that it’s a book, but that is stretching the bounds of reality just too far. While admittedly each victim reacts differently to their rape, from personal experience I can’t help but scoff at the idea that Tony actually enjoyed it. Maybe that’s just his coping mechanism, in order to keep from completely losing it he rationalizes that he enjoyed it.
I didn’t dislike the book; in fact I was quite interested in the relationship between Tony and Aiden. Of course just as this relationship starts, Tony takes off with Tank again. The boy is confused. He doesn’t want to be Aiden’s boy toy. He rebels against Aiden’s controlling behavior by jumping back into bed with Tank. UGH! The boy’s a yo-yo! Their relationship is borderline abusive yet neither one (Aiden or Tony) seem to be able to live without the other.
I did find it annoying that the author kept using the word phallus. Really? There are quite a few other words available for describing the male penis. What’s wrong with cock? And what is up with bio break? Using the restroom was just too ordinary for you? The over use of these words really drew me out of the story. They just didn’t fit with the flow of words and detracted from the overall story.
July 12, 2013
Darkness isn't, as some people say, featureless. It has texture, aromas, sounds. It's the thrill of the unexpected, sometimes soft and yielding and sometimes hard and dominating. "The Wrong Side of Right" is that sort of darkness. The book was, for me, difficult to read, not because of a flaw in the writing or story, but because Tony Mitchell is very immediately and intimately revealed in his isolation and longing. I ached for him and at times, set the book down - though never for long - when the darkness through which he stumbled deepened around him and made him its own. I couldn't read because of tears; I couldn't *not* read because of hope.
There were places in the book where I had to grapple for brief moments with the jumble of events and characters; Tony is so engaging, so vulnerable, in such need of (and so worthy of) cherishing that the story is well worth the effort of working through that grappling. The moment I reached the end, I began re-reading, unwilling to let that be all I had of Tony, Aiden, Tank and Ruby. I could see myself in each of them, though not always in ways it's comfortable for me to own up to.
The writing is very descriptive, especially the physical interactions between the characters: detailed, disturbing, dramatic. It's not a book for those looking for fairy tales and happily ever after, though the darkness doesn't last forever. This story is cactus wrapped in organza; you will yelp, and bleed ... and unwrap another layer. The entire time I was reading, I prayed to a god I don't believe in that Tony -- and Aiden -- would find at least a glimpse of wholeness and knowledge of their own value and worth. I wasn't disappointed.
After reading "The Wrong Side of Right", anything Nya Rawlins writes goes on my must-read list.
There were places in the book where I had to grapple for brief moments with the jumble of events and characters; Tony is so engaging, so vulnerable, in such need of (and so worthy of) cherishing that the story is well worth the effort of working through that grappling. The moment I reached the end, I began re-reading, unwilling to let that be all I had of Tony, Aiden, Tank and Ruby. I could see myself in each of them, though not always in ways it's comfortable for me to own up to.
The writing is very descriptive, especially the physical interactions between the characters: detailed, disturbing, dramatic. It's not a book for those looking for fairy tales and happily ever after, though the darkness doesn't last forever. This story is cactus wrapped in organza; you will yelp, and bleed ... and unwrap another layer. The entire time I was reading, I prayed to a god I don't believe in that Tony -- and Aiden -- would find at least a glimpse of wholeness and knowledge of their own value and worth. I wasn't disappointed.
After reading "The Wrong Side of Right", anything Nya Rawlins writes goes on my must-read list.
June 7, 2013
This is a very visceral read, often poetic and very moving. This story very bravely enters the territory of self-abuse after victimization, the self-abuse taking the form of seeking more victimization (as opposed to consensual BDSM with safe words).
I did get lost a few times wondering where the protagonist was physically, because steps between his being in one place and another were absent, which made me back track to see if I missed something. That sort of thing pulled me from the story more than once.
Also found myself misdirected by pronouns many times. The dedication of third person pronouns to the use of Tony only was very strict for most of the story, which at one point distracted me enough that I made substitutions of he for I, him for my, and got a perfect translation into first person.
I had a hard time suspending disbelief near the end. Why didn’t either Tony or his love interest think of security cameras? They’re dealing with criminals, have a suspicion of who is the criminal and they don’t quietly set up security cameras? That wasn’t very smart at all and doesn’t seem likely in a story about people in our modern technological North America. A sting without security cameras? A sting where the love interest abandons his partner because he has work elsewhere? No. Doesn’t work for me.
Other than that, I enjoyed this story. I found myself wishing I had Aidan’s perspective too. Tank was an unapologetically brutal and fascinating character, and the sheer, unabated depth of hurt you wade through with Tony is riveting. I very much wanted to get to the redemption at the end.
I did get lost a few times wondering where the protagonist was physically, because steps between his being in one place and another were absent, which made me back track to see if I missed something. That sort of thing pulled me from the story more than once.
Also found myself misdirected by pronouns many times. The dedication of third person pronouns to the use of Tony only was very strict for most of the story, which at one point distracted me enough that I made substitutions of he for I, him for my, and got a perfect translation into first person.
I had a hard time suspending disbelief near the end. Why didn’t either Tony or his love interest think of security cameras? They’re dealing with criminals, have a suspicion of who is the criminal and they don’t quietly set up security cameras? That wasn’t very smart at all and doesn’t seem likely in a story about people in our modern technological North America. A sting without security cameras? A sting where the love interest abandons his partner because he has work elsewhere? No. Doesn’t work for me.
Other than that, I enjoyed this story. I found myself wishing I had Aidan’s perspective too. Tank was an unapologetically brutal and fascinating character, and the sheer, unabated depth of hurt you wade through with Tony is riveting. I very much wanted to get to the redemption at the end.
July 22, 2013
Super angst-y crime story with romance and kink. I have no idea where I found this story, but I am so glad I did. There are truly disturbing things happening in the tale. Written in the first person, the main character is painfully self deprecating (not in a humorous way). The other characters, including two romantic interests, are so far from ideal I was not sure if the poor guy should choose either. However, I have to mention a grumpy drag queen whose daytime alter-ego is a tyrant quick-lube shop owner. So, the characters are unique and attention grabbing. NO ONE gets along smoothly, the emotional conflict is upsetting. Once your attention is grabbed, then you will most likely be shocked. This is also an explicit tale of sexual discovery, these explorations are dark, even sinister. All this moody personality and plot is combined with a story line towards the end of violent crime. AHHHHHHH! I could not put the book down, but I really wanted to, because it was disturbing. I guess that earns four stars from me. The ending was a relief, so read it, you will survive.
August 12, 2014
I like dark and I like kink. But, I also like a storyline that makes sense. After reading about Tony being raped repeatedly by different men and falling in love with his attacker, I was done.
DNF...And I never do that.
DNF...And I never do that.
June 2, 2013
This is a heavy drama read. If you're looking for something sweet, this isn't it, though it has a nice ending.
June 1, 2013
it this was a pretty good book the main character was conflicted and confuse about himself...but it was well written and came togather nicely
June 30, 2013
This book fell in the middle for me. Super angsty, maybe a little to much for my tastes which made it hard for me to get into the story.
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