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Het leven dat jou past
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Readers' Favorite Nonfiction (2023)Arthur Brooks en Oprah Winfrey nodigen je uit voor een reis die leidt naar meer geluk, ongeacht waar je staat in het leven en hoe jouw situatie eruitziet.
Het boek leert hoe je zelf dingen kunt veranderen zonder te wachten op de buitenwereld. Brooks en Winfrey geven je inzichten, compassie, hoop en handvatten om met je emoties om te leren gaan zodat je direct stappen kunt gaan zetten voor een leven dat jou op dit moment gelukkiger maakt.
Het boek is wetenschappelijk onderbouwd en zit vol inspirerende verhalen uit hun eigen leven en die van de mensen die ze hebben leren kennen.
Dit boek is een perfect startpunt voor het begin van jouw beste leven!
Het boek leert hoe je zelf dingen kunt veranderen zonder te wachten op de buitenwereld. Brooks en Winfrey geven je inzichten, compassie, hoop en handvatten om met je emoties om te leren gaan zodat je direct stappen kunt gaan zetten voor een leven dat jou op dit moment gelukkiger maakt.
Het boek is wetenschappelijk onderbouwd en zit vol inspirerende verhalen uit hun eigen leven en die van de mensen die ze hebben leren kennen.
Dit boek is een perfect startpunt voor het begin van jouw beste leven!
271 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 12, 2023
5113 people are currently reading
44045 people want to read
About the author
Oprah Winfrey
111 books5,430 followersOprah Gail Winfrey, also known mononymously as Oprah, is an American talk show host, television producer, actress, author, and media proprietor. She is best known for her talk show, The Oprah Winfrey Show, broadcast from Chicago, which ran in national syndication for 25 years, from 1986 to 2011. Dubbed the "Queen of All Media", she was the richest African-American of the 20th century and was once the world's only black billionaire. By 2007, she was often ranked as the most influential woman in the world.
Winfrey was born into poverty in rural Mississippi to a single teenage mother and later raised in inner-city Milwaukee. She has stated that she was molested during her childhood and early teenage years and became pregnant at 14; her son was born prematurely and died in infancy. Winfrey was then sent to live with the man she calls her father, Vernon Winfrey, a barber in Nashville, Tennessee, and landed a job in radio while still in high school. By 19, she was a co-anchor for the local evening news. Winfrey's often emotional, extemporaneous delivery eventually led to her transfer to the daytime talk show arena, and after boosting a third-rated local Chicago talk show to first place, she launched her own production company.
Credited with creating a more intimate, confessional form of media communication, Winfrey popularized and revolutionized the tabloid talk show genre pioneered by Phil Donahue. By the mid-1990s, Winfrey had reinvented her show with a focus on literature, self-improvement, mindfulness, and spirituality. Though she has been criticized for unleashing a confession culture, promoting controversial self-help ideas, and having an emotion-centered approach, she has also been praised for overcoming adversity to become a benefactor to others. Winfrey also emerged as a political force in the 2008 presidential race, with her endorsement of Barack Obama estimated to have been worth about one million votes during the 2008 Democratic primaries. In the same year, she formed her own network, the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN). In 2013, Winfrey was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by President Barack Obama.
In 1994, she was inducted into the National Women's Hall of Fame. Then in October, she finished the Marine Corps Marathon in less than four and a half hours. She has received honorary doctorate degrees from multiple universities. Winfrey has won many awards throughout her career, including 19 Daytime Emmy Awards (including the Lifetime Achievement Award and the Chairman's Award), two Primetime Emmy Awards (including the Bob Hope Humanitarian Award), a Tony Award, a Peabody Award, and the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award awarded by the Academy Awards, in addition to two competitive Academy Award nominations. Winfrey was elected as a member of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences in 2021.
Winfrey was born into poverty in rural Mississippi to a single teenage mother and later raised in inner-city Milwaukee. She has stated that she was molested during her childhood and early teenage years and became pregnant at 14; her son was born prematurely and died in infancy. Winfrey was then sent to live with the man she calls her father, Vernon Winfrey, a barber in Nashville, Tennessee, and landed a job in radio while still in high school. By 19, she was a co-anchor for the local evening news. Winfrey's often emotional, extemporaneous delivery eventually led to her transfer to the daytime talk show arena, and after boosting a third-rated local Chicago talk show to first place, she launched her own production company.
Credited with creating a more intimate, confessional form of media communication, Winfrey popularized and revolutionized the tabloid talk show genre pioneered by Phil Donahue. By the mid-1990s, Winfrey had reinvented her show with a focus on literature, self-improvement, mindfulness, and spirituality. Though she has been criticized for unleashing a confession culture, promoting controversial self-help ideas, and having an emotion-centered approach, she has also been praised for overcoming adversity to become a benefactor to others. Winfrey also emerged as a political force in the 2008 presidential race, with her endorsement of Barack Obama estimated to have been worth about one million votes during the 2008 Democratic primaries. In the same year, she formed her own network, the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN). In 2013, Winfrey was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by President Barack Obama.
In 1994, she was inducted into the National Women's Hall of Fame. Then in October, she finished the Marine Corps Marathon in less than four and a half hours. She has received honorary doctorate degrees from multiple universities. Winfrey has won many awards throughout her career, including 19 Daytime Emmy Awards (including the Lifetime Achievement Award and the Chairman's Award), two Primetime Emmy Awards (including the Bob Hope Humanitarian Award), a Tony Award, a Peabody Award, and the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award awarded by the Academy Awards, in addition to two competitive Academy Award nominations. Winfrey was elected as a member of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences in 2021.
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February 6, 2024
If Goodreads allowed half stars, I might have given this 3 1/2, but my annoyance at the primary author's positions on certain issues makes me perfectly content to give this a middling grade. But first, a note...
So many reviewers (whom I doubt even read the book, given their comments) panned the book because of Oprah's involvement. (They also foolishly said that because Oprah is wealthy, she couldn't possibly know what it's like to have life troubles or need help building a life. The woman famously grew up in poverty and suffered childhood abuse; that aside, money doesn't prevent unhappiness, it just eliminates the problems on the lower levels of Maslow's hierarchy of needs!) Harrumph.
If you're trying to decide whether to read this book, Oprah's involvement should neither dissuade you nor compel you. Her name on the cover is mere marketing; she writes about four 3-4 page introductions to sections of the book; her content is nothing more than wraparounds. This is all Arthur C. Brooks, like it or not.
Technically, Brooks' writing skills are superb; there are no grammar or syntax errors, and his writing flows smoothly, through it, and he, is a bit dry. I neither laughed nor cried while reading this book; it never reached me on an emotional level, and never made me feel compelled, when putting the book down, to pick it back up.
The subtitle of the book is "The Art and Science of Getting Happier" and the book certainly leans on the science, so if the prefrontal cortex isn't your idea of a good time, you may be bored. Brooks' column in the Atlantic has the same tone — calm, research-based, and methodical — but largely unmemorable. While Brooks does use some anecdotes, they aren't particularly memorable. The book would have benefitted from some stories that made the concepts come alive.
The material, which is split fairly evenly between the science of "happiness" research (really, mental well-being research) and the teachings of philosophers (particularly the Roman Stoics), is almost uniformly apt. If you want a by-the-books instruction manual for the things that science says will help you build a more fulfilling life, this book is more than adequate, though you'd be far more entertained, captivated, and likely to put the ideas into action if you took Professor Laurie Santos' free, online Yale course, The Science of Happiness.
The book begins with a brief biography of the author's mother-in-law, who led a difficult life, particularly early on, and found meaning taking control of her perception of it. OK, valid. Next, Brooks sets the stage to explain that happiness is not the goal; rather, it's the byproduct of designing a fulfilling life, and requires three factors: enjoyment (not merely pleasure, but communion and consciousness), satisfaction (such as when overcoming an obstacle), and purpose. Having read Victor Frankl last year, I found the latter particularly resonant. However, Brooks offers no guidance on how to build a life of purpose, or how to identify one's purpose.
If you are an actual grownup, not merely an adult, but someone who understands that life is about the rich context and not just the high notes, this early introduction feels a bit facile. It's all true, and if you're a novice to self-reflection, useful. But I was waiting for the real show to begin.
The second section of the book talks about managing one's emotions, and I thought it was the best part of the book. Brooks talks about:
*using metacognition (thinking about your thoughts, and feelings, and not just accepting instinctual thoughts and feelings as facts)
*choosing a better emotion (overcoming negativity bias, leaning into gratitude, finding humor, choosing hope, and the difficult road of turning empathy into a more mutually nurturing compassion)
*turning your attention outward, toward others, rather than focusing solely on one's own experiences (and thoughts about what others might be thinking of you) — this is one place where he takes a small and interesting turn in the science by helping apply research about the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex (dACC) and how it applies to social anxiety and fear of exclusion
*avoiding envy
There's nothing flawed in his explanations of these areas, and I think for anyone inexperienced in the concepts, this would be an excellent review. If Brooks had expanded on these issues, I likely would have enjoyed the book much more. Yes, it was heavy on science and philosophy, but certainly written in a way that anyone could understand, and the application to one's life, though perhaps not very step-by-step, was obvious.
The second half of the book, frankly, annoyed me. This third, larger section, focused on the ways to design and adjust four areas of your life: family, friendships, work, and spirituality. And in all four cases, Brooks' comes across as the wealthy CIS white male that he is. He's not arrogant or self-aggrandizing; he just comes across as largely unaware of life experiences beyond his sort of ivory tower, white glove experience of it.
In the family section, in addition to not choosing spouses based on heat and desire (duh) but complementarity, he talks about the challenges of conflict, negativity, and forgiveness, Brooks pushes again and again for the idea that we shouldn't separate ourselves from family "merely" because of things like politics, values, and "attachment to opinions." He focuses on this again on the section with interaction with friends.
Only someone with so much privilege could think that it could be anything but unhealthy to have to interact with people whose politics support racism and misogyny and turn a blind eye to violence against women, people of color, and other marginalized folks. When you lead a cushy life, "politics" may be just like having a favorite ball team, I guess, but for the rest of us, "politics" is an expression of one's values as a human being, and can be used against us socially, economically, and even physically. His pooh-poohing of the letting political or ethical conflicts separating you from so-called friends and family so bothered me that each time it came up, I had to put the book down and walk away.
His take on work was a saving grace in this section, though I don't think most people have the opportunity, let alone the ability, to invest themselves in their work such that "work is love made visible." I understand the concept, and yes, finding work that gives you an opportunity for "earned success" and service to others to fulfill yourself, and finding the kind of career path (linear, steady-state, transitory, or spiral) to get and keep you passionate, are wise, if abstract without any guidance for how to have the childhood, education, geographic positioning, and financial wherewithal to achieve it.
The overarching concept of putting yourself into your work with love is philosophically sound. (Yesterday, I saw a TikTok with a child at DisneyWorld asking one of the maintenance men for his autograph as if he were one of the costumed characters. The kindness this man showed the child, and the reverence he had for the work he did in service to such families, is heartwarming.) But Brooks lack of realism focuses on the obligation of the worker to the work and the recipients of the work. At no point does Brooks caution the reader not to suffer the toxic abuse of a company or boss; at no time does Brooks encourage the (for building the life you want), treating yourself with respect and not allowing others to trample your boundaries or your mental health.
Rounding out the section is Brooks' warning not to use work as an addiction to avoid painful emotions and not to build your identity based on your professional existence. While still annoyed at him from the prior section, Brooks' approach to work brought me back to the table, if not back to his side.
But then he lost me in his "Find Your Amazing Grace" chapter. While he acknowledges that you don't have to convert to Catholicism as he did, he insists that adopting a metaphysical perspective on life is the path to happiness because it takes us out of our self-focus. Well, yes, but so does having a dog or volunteering for a cause. When he says that faith makes us kinder and more generous toward others, all I could think was that this is only true in the abstract and individual approach, but just a look at the unkindness and violence done, in this country and around the world, in the name of religion, made his lack of acknowledgement of this make everything that followed hollow.
Brooks does note that "writing about faith is tricky," but then he uses specious social science research to claim that being religions makes you happier, less prone to depression, and healthier, ignoring how much pain and illness has been caused by so-called practitioners of faith and by people being expected to deny their own humanity to fit within the rubrics of a particular faith tradition. (I'm not going to argue that faith or religion, in and of itself, is good or bad, just that Brooks brings his narrow experience to bear in a way that I found really rankling because he claims to base his advice in research and philosophy, and then turns his back on hard science to pick and choose soft research that supports his personal experience).
The funny thing is, after pushing for faith and spirituality, what he actually ends up espousing isn't anything that requires faith or spirituality at all. He promotes meditation, mindfulness, spending time in nature, and limiting over-reliance on technology — all things that can be viewed from the perspective of good mental healthcare rather than "faith," which is, at best, a divisive topics, and at worst, destructive.
All said, this isn't a bad book, per se, but it could have been so much better because Brooks has the intellect to stretch beyond his personal limits. If you've never seen a therapist or taken Psych 101 or read a woman's magazine or self-care blog in the last few decades, there may be concepts for you to glean and incorporate in your life. (And he does use one of my favorite scientific tidbits that I often share, that Tylenol's action on the dACC helps relieve some of the pain of a broken heart.)
But there's nothing special here, and if you're a member of any marginalized group and have ever been caused real pain because a relative or friend supports the idea that you or people you love are less than (or don't deserve to live) because of race, nationality, religion, sexual orientation, gender expression, or physical or cognitive disability, you may find it offensive to be told that such are trivial matters not worth separating you from the people who think that way.
The writing is good but dry, and overall the research (both the actually scientific and the philosophical) is carefully sourced and explained (if occasionally misapplied). Brooks is educated and well-intentioned, but lacks an awareness or enlightenment beyond his experience. Read this if you must, with the caveats I've expressed, but augment your personal journey with books written by those with more varied life experiences and interpretations of the research.
So many reviewers (whom I doubt even read the book, given their comments) panned the book because of Oprah's involvement. (They also foolishly said that because Oprah is wealthy, she couldn't possibly know what it's like to have life troubles or need help building a life. The woman famously grew up in poverty and suffered childhood abuse; that aside, money doesn't prevent unhappiness, it just eliminates the problems on the lower levels of Maslow's hierarchy of needs!) Harrumph.
If you're trying to decide whether to read this book, Oprah's involvement should neither dissuade you nor compel you. Her name on the cover is mere marketing; she writes about four 3-4 page introductions to sections of the book; her content is nothing more than wraparounds. This is all Arthur C. Brooks, like it or not.
Technically, Brooks' writing skills are superb; there are no grammar or syntax errors, and his writing flows smoothly, through it, and he, is a bit dry. I neither laughed nor cried while reading this book; it never reached me on an emotional level, and never made me feel compelled, when putting the book down, to pick it back up.
The subtitle of the book is "The Art and Science of Getting Happier" and the book certainly leans on the science, so if the prefrontal cortex isn't your idea of a good time, you may be bored. Brooks' column in the Atlantic has the same tone — calm, research-based, and methodical — but largely unmemorable. While Brooks does use some anecdotes, they aren't particularly memorable. The book would have benefitted from some stories that made the concepts come alive.
The material, which is split fairly evenly between the science of "happiness" research (really, mental well-being research) and the teachings of philosophers (particularly the Roman Stoics), is almost uniformly apt. If you want a by-the-books instruction manual for the things that science says will help you build a more fulfilling life, this book is more than adequate, though you'd be far more entertained, captivated, and likely to put the ideas into action if you took Professor Laurie Santos' free, online Yale course, The Science of Happiness.
The book begins with a brief biography of the author's mother-in-law, who led a difficult life, particularly early on, and found meaning taking control of her perception of it. OK, valid. Next, Brooks sets the stage to explain that happiness is not the goal; rather, it's the byproduct of designing a fulfilling life, and requires three factors: enjoyment (not merely pleasure, but communion and consciousness), satisfaction (such as when overcoming an obstacle), and purpose. Having read Victor Frankl last year, I found the latter particularly resonant. However, Brooks offers no guidance on how to build a life of purpose, or how to identify one's purpose.
If you are an actual grownup, not merely an adult, but someone who understands that life is about the rich context and not just the high notes, this early introduction feels a bit facile. It's all true, and if you're a novice to self-reflection, useful. But I was waiting for the real show to begin.
The second section of the book talks about managing one's emotions, and I thought it was the best part of the book. Brooks talks about:
*using metacognition (thinking about your thoughts, and feelings, and not just accepting instinctual thoughts and feelings as facts)
*choosing a better emotion (overcoming negativity bias, leaning into gratitude, finding humor, choosing hope, and the difficult road of turning empathy into a more mutually nurturing compassion)
*turning your attention outward, toward others, rather than focusing solely on one's own experiences (and thoughts about what others might be thinking of you) — this is one place where he takes a small and interesting turn in the science by helping apply research about the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex (dACC) and how it applies to social anxiety and fear of exclusion
*avoiding envy
There's nothing flawed in his explanations of these areas, and I think for anyone inexperienced in the concepts, this would be an excellent review. If Brooks had expanded on these issues, I likely would have enjoyed the book much more. Yes, it was heavy on science and philosophy, but certainly written in a way that anyone could understand, and the application to one's life, though perhaps not very step-by-step, was obvious.
The second half of the book, frankly, annoyed me. This third, larger section, focused on the ways to design and adjust four areas of your life: family, friendships, work, and spirituality. And in all four cases, Brooks' comes across as the wealthy CIS white male that he is. He's not arrogant or self-aggrandizing; he just comes across as largely unaware of life experiences beyond his sort of ivory tower, white glove experience of it.
In the family section, in addition to not choosing spouses based on heat and desire (duh) but complementarity, he talks about the challenges of conflict, negativity, and forgiveness, Brooks pushes again and again for the idea that we shouldn't separate ourselves from family "merely" because of things like politics, values, and "attachment to opinions." He focuses on this again on the section with interaction with friends.
Only someone with so much privilege could think that it could be anything but unhealthy to have to interact with people whose politics support racism and misogyny and turn a blind eye to violence against women, people of color, and other marginalized folks. When you lead a cushy life, "politics" may be just like having a favorite ball team, I guess, but for the rest of us, "politics" is an expression of one's values as a human being, and can be used against us socially, economically, and even physically. His pooh-poohing of the letting political or ethical conflicts separating you from so-called friends and family so bothered me that each time it came up, I had to put the book down and walk away.
His take on work was a saving grace in this section, though I don't think most people have the opportunity, let alone the ability, to invest themselves in their work such that "work is love made visible." I understand the concept, and yes, finding work that gives you an opportunity for "earned success" and service to others to fulfill yourself, and finding the kind of career path (linear, steady-state, transitory, or spiral) to get and keep you passionate, are wise, if abstract without any guidance for how to have the childhood, education, geographic positioning, and financial wherewithal to achieve it.
The overarching concept of putting yourself into your work with love is philosophically sound. (Yesterday, I saw a TikTok with a child at DisneyWorld asking one of the maintenance men for his autograph as if he were one of the costumed characters. The kindness this man showed the child, and the reverence he had for the work he did in service to such families, is heartwarming.) But Brooks lack of realism focuses on the obligation of the worker to the work and the recipients of the work. At no point does Brooks caution the reader not to suffer the toxic abuse of a company or boss; at no time does Brooks encourage the (for building the life you want), treating yourself with respect and not allowing others to trample your boundaries or your mental health.
Rounding out the section is Brooks' warning not to use work as an addiction to avoid painful emotions and not to build your identity based on your professional existence. While still annoyed at him from the prior section, Brooks' approach to work brought me back to the table, if not back to his side.
But then he lost me in his "Find Your Amazing Grace" chapter. While he acknowledges that you don't have to convert to Catholicism as he did, he insists that adopting a metaphysical perspective on life is the path to happiness because it takes us out of our self-focus. Well, yes, but so does having a dog or volunteering for a cause. When he says that faith makes us kinder and more generous toward others, all I could think was that this is only true in the abstract and individual approach, but just a look at the unkindness and violence done, in this country and around the world, in the name of religion, made his lack of acknowledgement of this make everything that followed hollow.
Brooks does note that "writing about faith is tricky," but then he uses specious social science research to claim that being religions makes you happier, less prone to depression, and healthier, ignoring how much pain and illness has been caused by so-called practitioners of faith and by people being expected to deny their own humanity to fit within the rubrics of a particular faith tradition. (I'm not going to argue that faith or religion, in and of itself, is good or bad, just that Brooks brings his narrow experience to bear in a way that I found really rankling because he claims to base his advice in research and philosophy, and then turns his back on hard science to pick and choose soft research that supports his personal experience).
The funny thing is, after pushing for faith and spirituality, what he actually ends up espousing isn't anything that requires faith or spirituality at all. He promotes meditation, mindfulness, spending time in nature, and limiting over-reliance on technology — all things that can be viewed from the perspective of good mental healthcare rather than "faith," which is, at best, a divisive topics, and at worst, destructive.
All said, this isn't a bad book, per se, but it could have been so much better because Brooks has the intellect to stretch beyond his personal limits. If you've never seen a therapist or taken Psych 101 or read a woman's magazine or self-care blog in the last few decades, there may be concepts for you to glean and incorporate in your life. (And he does use one of my favorite scientific tidbits that I often share, that Tylenol's action on the dACC helps relieve some of the pain of a broken heart.)
But there's nothing special here, and if you're a member of any marginalized group and have ever been caused real pain because a relative or friend supports the idea that you or people you love are less than (or don't deserve to live) because of race, nationality, religion, sexual orientation, gender expression, or physical or cognitive disability, you may find it offensive to be told that such are trivial matters not worth separating you from the people who think that way.
The writing is good but dry, and overall the research (both the actually scientific and the philosophical) is carefully sourced and explained (if occasionally misapplied). Brooks is educated and well-intentioned, but lacks an awareness or enlightenment beyond his experience. Read this if you must, with the caveats I've expressed, but augment your personal journey with books written by those with more varied life experiences and interpretations of the research.
October 9, 2023
This book taught me that emotions are simply ALERTS. They are not necessarily reality. They are not always problems you have to fix. You don’t have to fight your emotions. Emotions are alerts you are getting. You can simply listen to the alert. See what it’s trying to say. Maybe even just letting it pass. The way you handle and deal with emotions is also unique and not like everyone else. And the world needs you to experience life that way.
September 14, 2023
Oprah is too out of touch and should not be a co author. Her experience on how to happy can't possibly relate to the same as us poor people.
October 12, 2023
Wow, was this book disappointing. Look on the bright side. If your job sucks focus on what you like. Money isn't everything. CEOs can be unhappy. Uber drivers can be happy. Call your friends instead of texting. Faith is good. That's the book. Oh and Oprah chimes in.
September 13, 2023
Deeply out of touch and lacking in robust empirical evidence.
October 18, 2025
On November 13 - 14, 2025, there is a Live Well conference in Glendale, Arizona. Arthur Brooks is a keynote speaker at the conference. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey co-authored Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier. I wanted to read the book before I heard Arthur Brooks speak.
The book begins with an Author's Note from Oprah. She describes that she has had as front-row seat to unhappiness. Her guests over 25 years on the Oprah Winfrey Show have included people devastated by tragedy, or betrayal, or deep disappointment. She also witnessed abundant happiness with people who had found love and friendship and those who were using their talents and abilities to do good things.
The main premise of the book is to stop waiting for life to change. Take control of your life and your reactions to things that happen. Focus on gratitude, hope, compassion, and humor. If you don't like your past, rewrite it. Metacognition gives us the power to rewrite the bad memories and to change our narrative. Modern neuroscience shows that memory is more about reconstruction rather than retrieval.
There is a section in the book titled, "Don't water the envy weed." Envy sours our love and dries up our soul. Envy is a happiness killer. Malicious envy leads to destructive actions, such as hostile thoughts and behaviors intended to harm others. In reality, malicious envy is terrible for the person who has it.
Take the wheel and be the boss of your own life.
The book begins with an Author's Note from Oprah. She describes that she has had as front-row seat to unhappiness. Her guests over 25 years on the Oprah Winfrey Show have included people devastated by tragedy, or betrayal, or deep disappointment. She also witnessed abundant happiness with people who had found love and friendship and those who were using their talents and abilities to do good things.
The main premise of the book is to stop waiting for life to change. Take control of your life and your reactions to things that happen. Focus on gratitude, hope, compassion, and humor. If you don't like your past, rewrite it. Metacognition gives us the power to rewrite the bad memories and to change our narrative. Modern neuroscience shows that memory is more about reconstruction rather than retrieval.
There is a section in the book titled, "Don't water the envy weed." Envy sours our love and dries up our soul. Envy is a happiness killer. Malicious envy leads to destructive actions, such as hostile thoughts and behaviors intended to harm others. In reality, malicious envy is terrible for the person who has it.
Take the wheel and be the boss of your own life.
September 21, 2023
Great Book! These are the things I appreciated the most:
-I like how Oprah between chapters gives a note in between, and talks about her experience, and the chapters are read by and discuss X by Arthur other author
-Happiness is not the absence of unhappiness. You can be happy while being unhappy or having things in your life that cause unhappiness.
-appreciate negative emotions
-Feel the feel and take the wheel
-of metacognition
-Limbic system is the system that spits out ideas
-The prefrontal cortex is the area behind your forehead that is your consciousness that decides to act out on your thoughts.
Practicing Metacognition: 4 Steps
1-Observe your Feelings
-Imagine they are happening to someone else, feel them consciously and let them pass
-“I am not these thoughts, I will not let them make my decisions for me and I will manage them
-This will leave you calmer and more empowered.
2-Journal your emotions
-Write down what you are feeling
-It forces you to translate your thoughts into notes an action that needs your prefrontal cortex
-Creates emotional knowledge and regulation and provides a sense of control
3-Keep a database of positive emotions
-Conjure up happier memories
-Journal of happy things
4-Look for meaning in the hard parts of life
-reflect on painful memories and see how it has helped you grow and learn from it
-finding meaning from lows
-reserve a section for painful experiences
We don’t have to be managed by our feelings
Compassion versus empathy and how compassion is a better feeling than empathy because compassionate people help with Toughlove or they help become people more resilient versus empathetic people just take in the feeling and do not really do anything so compassionate is more meta-cognitive, and being empathetic is more limbic
Very Important in Life: 4 Pillars
* friends
* Family
* Work
* Faith
-I like how Oprah between chapters gives a note in between, and talks about her experience, and the chapters are read by and discuss X by Arthur other author
-Happiness is not the absence of unhappiness. You can be happy while being unhappy or having things in your life that cause unhappiness.
-appreciate negative emotions
-Feel the feel and take the wheel
-of metacognition
-Limbic system is the system that spits out ideas
-The prefrontal cortex is the area behind your forehead that is your consciousness that decides to act out on your thoughts.
Practicing Metacognition: 4 Steps
1-Observe your Feelings
-Imagine they are happening to someone else, feel them consciously and let them pass
-“I am not these thoughts, I will not let them make my decisions for me and I will manage them
-This will leave you calmer and more empowered.
2-Journal your emotions
-Write down what you are feeling
-It forces you to translate your thoughts into notes an action that needs your prefrontal cortex
-Creates emotional knowledge and regulation and provides a sense of control
3-Keep a database of positive emotions
-Conjure up happier memories
-Journal of happy things
4-Look for meaning in the hard parts of life
-reflect on painful memories and see how it has helped you grow and learn from it
-finding meaning from lows
-reserve a section for painful experiences
We don’t have to be managed by our feelings
Compassion versus empathy and how compassion is a better feeling than empathy because compassionate people help with Toughlove or they help become people more resilient versus empathetic people just take in the feeling and do not really do anything so compassionate is more meta-cognitive, and being empathetic is more limbic
Very Important in Life: 4 Pillars
* friends
* Family
* Work
* Faith
September 17, 2023
So billionaire Oprah co-wrote a book about how us poors can be happier. She generously took time out of her busy schedule of asking the poors to help Maui and showing off tables laden with enough food to feed the entire population of a small city to write a book about how we, the common folk, can be happier.
You know what it is? It’s bc we’re all on social media so much! Gosh, if we all just stopped scrolling our phones all the time (it helps distract us from the hunger pangs) we’d be so much happier. If we just stopped comparing our sad little hand to mouth lives to those of celebrities who own 800 acres of land and have more food in their ten refrigerators than we’ll ever see in a lifetime, and start praying every day, we’d be so, so happy!!
How out of touch can you be?? I mean, seriously. God I hate this bitch.
You know what it is? It’s bc we’re all on social media so much! Gosh, if we all just stopped scrolling our phones all the time (it helps distract us from the hunger pangs) we’d be so much happier. If we just stopped comparing our sad little hand to mouth lives to those of celebrities who own 800 acres of land and have more food in their ten refrigerators than we’ll ever see in a lifetime, and start praying every day, we’d be so, so happy!!
How out of touch can you be?? I mean, seriously. God I hate this bitch.
October 22, 2023
If you’re already into research on happiness, there’s nothing new here.
May 15, 2024
If you're new to the concept of self-reflection and/or in your earlier 20s, this book may have something to say to you.
I am neither.
I was also surprised, given the book marketing and introductory material, that Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier is grounded in so little evidence/research. It reads like one person's opinion with Oprah's occasional commentary. I didn't realize I was getting that, or I would have skipped it.
In contrast, What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience and Healing by Bruce D. Perry (MD, PhD) and Oprah was well researched and grounded in Perry's clinical practice. I was expecting something more like that.
Some sections of this book are well done, including the general principles that are well laid out. I also liked the section in the piece on spirituality and religion where the authors note their personal beliefs while making it clear convincing you to share them is not on the table.
On the whole, though, there are better guides out there that are worthier of your time.
I am neither.
I was also surprised, given the book marketing and introductory material, that Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier is grounded in so little evidence/research. It reads like one person's opinion with Oprah's occasional commentary. I didn't realize I was getting that, or I would have skipped it.
In contrast, What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience and Healing by Bruce D. Perry (MD, PhD) and Oprah was well researched and grounded in Perry's clinical practice. I was expecting something more like that.
Some sections of this book are well done, including the general principles that are well laid out. I also liked the section in the piece on spirituality and religion where the authors note their personal beliefs while making it clear convincing you to share them is not on the table.
On the whole, though, there are better guides out there that are worthier of your time.
November 8, 2025
As a student of happiness since childhood practice daily and fine tune as needed. Living a Build the Life You Want vibe.
Curiosity for new info lead me to give Brooks and Winfrey’s Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier a chance to encourage the path I’m taking with new ideas.
As the authors narrate it’s similar to being at the breakfast table having a conversation. Except they have answers to my questions without being asked is the idea. I’m enjoying listening to the info with fresh perspective.
Being modestly happy figured the book would confirm my own findings. Encourage me to continue on this path. Confirm a sense of what works with scientific explanation.
What isn’t an expectation is this book has ‘the’ code. Like, if I do X, Y is the outcome. Though, for some people you will find Dr Brooks tests and steps to some areas very useful. Yield results when applied as described.
Happiness is one of my cornerstone pursuits with an emphasis on always all ways sharing life in kindness.
This book is encouraging in areas I’m ritualistic about that adds to happiness. Not learning much. Which is a positive, in my view. Affirming I’m on to something wonderful and keep trucking.
For someone who needs ideas for elevating happiness may enjoy the many science based steps. Seek ways to relate to when happiness is evasive takes the pressure off, in my view. For you, this book can be a win, as a result.
I’ve noticed through maturity happiness is less a destination. Most of the day it’s with me in the moment.
Often say every day is Christmas, to me. Waking up glad. Grateful for my inner circle and health. Purpose that brings me as much joy as I offer those impacted as a result.
What I’ve learned, no amount of monetary pursuit, vacation destination, personal achievement, the list goes on of things I can go after … will make me happy. Nothing ever will. Except right here and now.
Every day I make a list of what brings me joy. Frost it with gratitude. Find ways to tackle the tasks. Thankful for the opportunity to craft a life that serves others, myself, and God.
If you don’t believe in a faith practice, the principles are still the same.
For me, grounding in faith, love with deep kindness, and maintaining connections are a cornerstone of happiness.
If you haven’t found yours, this book may help. If you can’t afford a copy try the library. I borrowed an audio copy via the Libby App. Using my library card. You can request they purchase audio or the kindle if they don’t have it yet.
Hope this review is helpful to those who need it most.
May the remainder of the days of this year bring you peace and may grace be with you.
Kind regards, Patience 🏆
Curiosity for new info lead me to give Brooks and Winfrey’s Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier a chance to encourage the path I’m taking with new ideas.
As the authors narrate it’s similar to being at the breakfast table having a conversation. Except they have answers to my questions without being asked is the idea. I’m enjoying listening to the info with fresh perspective.
Being modestly happy figured the book would confirm my own findings. Encourage me to continue on this path. Confirm a sense of what works with scientific explanation.
What isn’t an expectation is this book has ‘the’ code. Like, if I do X, Y is the outcome. Though, for some people you will find Dr Brooks tests and steps to some areas very useful. Yield results when applied as described.
Happiness is one of my cornerstone pursuits with an emphasis on always all ways sharing life in kindness.
This book is encouraging in areas I’m ritualistic about that adds to happiness. Not learning much. Which is a positive, in my view. Affirming I’m on to something wonderful and keep trucking.
For someone who needs ideas for elevating happiness may enjoy the many science based steps. Seek ways to relate to when happiness is evasive takes the pressure off, in my view. For you, this book can be a win, as a result.
I’ve noticed through maturity happiness is less a destination. Most of the day it’s with me in the moment.
Often say every day is Christmas, to me. Waking up glad. Grateful for my inner circle and health. Purpose that brings me as much joy as I offer those impacted as a result.
What I’ve learned, no amount of monetary pursuit, vacation destination, personal achievement, the list goes on of things I can go after … will make me happy. Nothing ever will. Except right here and now.
Every day I make a list of what brings me joy. Frost it with gratitude. Find ways to tackle the tasks. Thankful for the opportunity to craft a life that serves others, myself, and God.
If you don’t believe in a faith practice, the principles are still the same.
For me, grounding in faith, love with deep kindness, and maintaining connections are a cornerstone of happiness.
If you haven’t found yours, this book may help. If you can’t afford a copy try the library. I borrowed an audio copy via the Libby App. Using my library card. You can request they purchase audio or the kindle if they don’t have it yet.
Hope this review is helpful to those who need it most.
May the remainder of the days of this year bring you peace and may grace be with you.
Kind regards, Patience 🏆
September 7, 2023
A lot of great info and you can really tell Brooks is very knowledgeable in the subject of happiness. As far as entertainment goes, Brooks was not a captivating narrator and I found myself wanting to pause the audiobook and switch to something else several times or checking to see how much longer the audio was (it was pretty short, it just felt like it dragged). Oprah has a way of speaking that is so melodic and entrancing, even if I’m very on the fence with her as a person. But I see how they make a good pair and it works well for the purposes of this book.
*Advanced listening copy provided by the publisher.
*Advanced listening copy provided by the publisher.
September 14, 2023
Out of touch. Blech
October 25, 2023
There are a lot of books available on happiness and how to get happier. But this book goes beyond the daily practices, hacks and strategies to make you feel happier on the outside and goes right to the inner work instead.
An artful blend of narrative, science and personal vignettes, Brooks and Winfrey breathe life into their words and share facts and insights so compelling, they feel both urgent AND reachable.
Built around the four pillars of family, friendship, work, and faith, they first tell us why they are so important and then share how we can build them in meaningful ways. No quick fixes or gimmicks here, just the most meaningful work of our lives.
I’m walking away with a better understanding of what happiness is, the kind of life I want to cultivate and the steps I can take to let go of the fear and hurt that no longer serve me to make room for love and happiness.
A simple mindset shift makes it easier than we think.
An artful blend of narrative, science and personal vignettes, Brooks and Winfrey breathe life into their words and share facts and insights so compelling, they feel both urgent AND reachable.
Built around the four pillars of family, friendship, work, and faith, they first tell us why they are so important and then share how we can build them in meaningful ways. No quick fixes or gimmicks here, just the most meaningful work of our lives.
I’m walking away with a better understanding of what happiness is, the kind of life I want to cultivate and the steps I can take to let go of the fear and hurt that no longer serve me to make room for love and happiness.
A simple mindset shift makes it easier than we think.
December 15, 2023
Bland, mostly boring, and offering very little useful insight that the average adult could learn from. There were a few “Wow!” moments, but for the most part it was basic stuff that could be found in the Pop Psych section of a magazine. You likely won’t carry much with you after reading this book. Also, Oprah played a minimal part, and likely only wrote a few paragraphs, where Brooks seemed to carry the majority of the writing.
The part I found most troubling is that it was entirely out of touch. It’s mentioned at one point that ending friendships over political views is “frankly ridiculous.” In the age of Trumpism, I think it is completely normal (and practical) to end friendships and relationships over differing political views, especially when those views are hateful toward and da dangerous for minorities and LGBTQ+ folks. I am certain Oprah is not friends with any Republicans that fly Trump 2024 flags off of their trucks, nor would she ever go out to become friends with them to “strengthen her own beliefs”, as the book suggests us to do.
Most of the examples or references given were from mainstream books you’d be better off reading or likely have already read. (Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, A Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor E Franklin, Walden by Thoreau). I suggest you read these, rather than put more money into Oprah Winfrey’s deep pockets for something that seems to be an obvious money grab.
The part I found most troubling is that it was entirely out of touch. It’s mentioned at one point that ending friendships over political views is “frankly ridiculous.” In the age of Trumpism, I think it is completely normal (and practical) to end friendships and relationships over differing political views, especially when those views are hateful toward and da dangerous for minorities and LGBTQ+ folks. I am certain Oprah is not friends with any Republicans that fly Trump 2024 flags off of their trucks, nor would she ever go out to become friends with them to “strengthen her own beliefs”, as the book suggests us to do.
Most of the examples or references given were from mainstream books you’d be better off reading or likely have already read. (Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, A Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor E Franklin, Walden by Thoreau). I suggest you read these, rather than put more money into Oprah Winfrey’s deep pockets for something that seems to be an obvious money grab.
September 27, 2023
I mean, there wasn't a ton new here. More than anything, Oprah attaching her name to this makes it more prominent-but I just didn't get behind Brooks, and haven't each time I've read him.
December 30, 2023
ideology here is a bit extreme, the author gives some very unrealistic recommendations based on theory research, and- where’s Oprah? she just wrote two pages for the introduction, but I get that her name gets the sales up.
September 27, 2023
"Build the Life You Want" is a transformative book that revolutionizes your approach to happiness, leaving you motivated to integrate Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey's teachings into your daily life. Brooks and Winfrey's mission is to guide readers toward a happier existence, irrespective of their circumstances. They masterfully dive into the latest scientific findings on happiness, bridging the gap between research and practical application.
One remarkable aspect is their emphasis on emotional intelligence, particularly 'emotional self-management,' the ability to comprehend and effectively respond to one's emotions. The authors dissect the four pillars of happiness – family, friendship, work, and faith – with personal anecdotes and relatable stories. They empower readers to take immediate action to enhance their lives rather than passively awaiting happiness.
The book's title is intriguing in itself, and Arthur Brooks' scientific exploration of happiness adds a unique dimension. It doesn't promise instant happiness but acknowledges that happiness and unhappiness coexist; our responses matter. The book offers numerous strategies, with journaling and practicing restraint being notable takeaways. Oprah's invaluable insights, drawn from her diverse life experiences, enrich the narrative, reinforcing the joy of helping others.
"Build the Life You Want" is a meticulously researched guide that may not instantly grant happiness but equips a broad audience with the tools to pursue a happier life.
One remarkable aspect is their emphasis on emotional intelligence, particularly 'emotional self-management,' the ability to comprehend and effectively respond to one's emotions. The authors dissect the four pillars of happiness – family, friendship, work, and faith – with personal anecdotes and relatable stories. They empower readers to take immediate action to enhance their lives rather than passively awaiting happiness.
The book's title is intriguing in itself, and Arthur Brooks' scientific exploration of happiness adds a unique dimension. It doesn't promise instant happiness but acknowledges that happiness and unhappiness coexist; our responses matter. The book offers numerous strategies, with journaling and practicing restraint being notable takeaways. Oprah's invaluable insights, drawn from her diverse life experiences, enrich the narrative, reinforcing the joy of helping others.
"Build the Life You Want" is a meticulously researched guide that may not instantly grant happiness but equips a broad audience with the tools to pursue a happier life.
August 10, 2025
این کتاب ترکیبی از هنر و علم برای دستیابی به شادی ��ایدار است. نویسندگان، با استفاده از تحقیقات علمی و تجربیات شخصی، راهکارهای عملی برای ساختن زندگی شادتر ارائه میدهند.
### **نکات کلیدی:**
1. **شناخت شادی:** شادی یک مهارت است که میتوان آن را پرورش داد، نه فقط یک حالت گذرا.
2. **ارتباطات معنادار:** روابط عمیق و مثبت با دیگران پایه اصلی شادی هستند.
3. **هدفمندی:** داشتن اهداف روشن و معنادار در زندگی به احساس رضایت کمک میکند.
4. **مدیریت ذهن:** تمرین قدردانی، ذهنآگاهی، و کنترل افکار منفی نقش کلیدی در شادی دارد.
5. **پذیرش تغییر:** انعطافپذیری و سازگاری با شرایط سخت، بخشی از فرآیند رشد شخصی است. **پیام اصلی:**
شادی نتیجه انتخابها و اقدامات روزمره است. با تمرین عادات مثبت و تغییر نگرش، میتوان زندگی شادتر و رضایتبخشتری ساخت.
این کتاب برای کسانی که به دنبال درک عمیقتر از شادی و راههای عملی برای بهبود کیفیت زندگیشان هستند، بسیار مفید است.
February 9, 2024
I wanted to like this more than I did. I enjoyed the first half and then fizzled towards the end. As many “happiness” self-help books are, the solutions are reductionistic and not nuanced enough. I know self help books written for populations can’t be that nuanced but I found myself thinking, “where are the women with careers and young children voices about how to find balance, connection and happiness?” This was another happiness book written by a very knowledgeable but privileged white man who seems to have had a pretty good life as it is. He has good insights but won’t read again.
October 24, 2023
This book was chock full of great information. Some of it was a review of things I already knew and needed to review! I learned a few new things and hope to implement them into my life! Loved it and recommend it to anyone wanting to find a few new ideas in the search for living a more authentic and fulfilling life!
September 14, 2023
I didn’t know you could write a book AND be illiterate. Quite a feat for someone that can’t READ THE ROOM 🙄
September 23, 2023
I was so disappointed in this book. I learned nothing new. Oprah's input didn't add anything either. Thought I would come away with some tools to use.....nope! One for the donate pile.🤓
October 23, 2023
Need a do-over with a pen and paper in hand.
June 30, 2024
A Harvard social scientist shares his findings about happiness and includes an extensive reference list for those either professionally or personally interested in the topic. Oprah adds some minor endorsements of the author’s conclusions.
If you read a lot about happiness, mindfulness, spiritual practices and finding meaning in work, you won’t find much that’s new here, but it’s a quick weekend read that summarizes the research and the words of happiness thought leaders through the centuries. Brooks reminds us of what’s really at the center of a good life: family, friends, meaningful work, spiritual practices. Sounds so easy, right?? 🤭
This is the deceptively simple concept that sums up this book:
Start each day saying, “I don’t know what this day will bring, but I will love others and allow myself to be loved.” Whenever you are wondering what to do in a particular situation—whether it’s big, like deciding to take a new job, or little, like letting someone into your lane in traffic—ask, “What is the most loving thing to do right now?”
If you read a lot about happiness, mindfulness, spiritual practices and finding meaning in work, you won’t find much that’s new here, but it’s a quick weekend read that summarizes the research and the words of happiness thought leaders through the centuries. Brooks reminds us of what’s really at the center of a good life: family, friends, meaningful work, spiritual practices. Sounds so easy, right?? 🤭
This is the deceptively simple concept that sums up this book:
Start each day saying, “I don’t know what this day will bring, but I will love others and allow myself to be loved.” Whenever you are wondering what to do in a particular situation—whether it’s big, like deciding to take a new job, or little, like letting someone into your lane in traffic—ask, “What is the most loving thing to do right now?”
January 25, 2024
This one was just okay for me. I think this is a case of my expectations being greater than my reality.
First, to start off on the positive side, I listened to the audio and I loved that the authors did their own narration. They were both great and I loved the tone and enthusiasm.
Now as far as the content goes, there wasn't anything new here. I did enjoy the chapter on how opposites attract. That was kind of interesting. Now will this change my life? No. But reminders are always nice. I've heard more than a few times, the message of not waiting for happiness to come to you....blah, blah, blah. Somewhere in the middle though, this one started feeling long. But the narrators kept me in to the end. However, 2 stars is all I have for this one.
First, to start off on the positive side, I listened to the audio and I loved that the authors did their own narration. They were both great and I loved the tone and enthusiasm.
Now as far as the content goes, there wasn't anything new here. I did enjoy the chapter on how opposites attract. That was kind of interesting. Now will this change my life? No. But reminders are always nice. I've heard more than a few times, the message of not waiting for happiness to come to you....blah, blah, blah. Somewhere in the middle though, this one started feeling long. But the narrators kept me in to the end. However, 2 stars is all I have for this one.
October 8, 2023
Just be happy, don’t let bad stuff make you unhappy. Stop thinking so much about yourself. You gotta be kidding me! There’s a bit here, but mostly this book is annoyingly preachy.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 3, 2024
Not quite what I had hoped. Tad out of touch with reality.
October 10, 2023
Fascinating! I listened to the audiobook through my library but I bought the print edition because it includes some journaling prompts I’d like to work on later. But people are waiting for the audiobook so I’m returning it so they can check it out!
May 22, 2024
Brooks does a good job of combining major ideas into one set of ways that you can become a happier person. He focuses on things like being mindful of your emotions, your thought patterns, and of the present moment you're living in. In that regard, this book offers a good general overview of mindfulness and mental positivity. In contrast, I am usually a fan of Oprah but in this book her insights are just too far removed from anything the average person can relate to and only serve to detract from the book.
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