Beyond Revenge: The Evolution of the Forgiveness Instinct

by Michael E. McCullough

Why is revenge such a pervasive and destructive problem? How can we create a future in which revenge is less common and forgiveness is more common? Psychologist Michael McCullough argues that the key to a more forgiving, less vengeful world is to understand the evolutionary forces that gave rise to these intimately human instincts and the social forces that activate them in human minds today. Drawing on exciting breakthroughs from the social and biological sciences, McCullough dispenses surprising and practical advice for making the world a more forgiving place. Michael E. McCullough (Miami, Florida), an internationally recognized expert on forgiveness and revenge, is a professor of psychology at the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Florida, where he directs the Laboratory for Social and Clinical Psychology.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Science, Religion

320 pages, Hardcover

First published April 11, 2008

About the author

Michael McCullough is a professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Florida. He directs The Laboratory for Social and Clinical Psychology and holds a secondary appointment in UM's Department of Religious Studies.

McCullough conducts research on the psychology and evolution of moral sentiments, including forgiveness, the desire for revenge, and gratitude. He is also interested in several aspects of religion, including how it evolved, how it develops over the life course, and its links to health, well-being, and social behavior. He has received several national awards for his research, including the early career award and the mentoring award from the Psychology of Religion Division of the American Psychological Association and a Templeton Positive Psychology Prize. His work has been covered in the New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, and many other outlets.

Reviews

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This one has been on my "to read" list for years. My expectation was of a book with lots of anecdotes about super-forgivers, but aside from the introduction, this book takes on a much more scientific tone, describing volumes of evidence that shows that rather than revenge being the disease to which forgiveness is the cure, both have evolved alongside each other in many species to further cooperation. Loses a couple of stars from me because the author's retelling of the outcomes of various experiments regarding revenge and forgiveness got a bit clunky and difficult to follow. (I think that's why it took me so long to get through it.) But otherwise, a fascinating book. I highly recommend. I will be thinking about the book's main thesis for a long time:

"For thousands of years, Western civilization has entertained a series of myths about revenge and forgiveness revenge is a disease. Forgiveness is the cure. Revenge is nothing more than wanton, nihilistic violence. Revenge is the product of sick minds and sick societies. Forgiveness is completely foreign to human nature. Somebody somewhere "discovered" or "invented" forgiveness. Revenge comes easily. Forgiveness is hard. It's time to put these myths to rest. Our propensity for revenge and our ability to forgive are both innate, they're both governed by an elegant adaptive logic, they're both receptive to changes in our social and ecological circumstances, they're both naturally evoked by specific environmental inputs, and they're both sensitive to cultural influences. And, they're both intimately human." - p. 236

[Jake Beardsley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thorough, nuanced, entertaining, and well written. I found the first six chapters gripping, although the last few dragged a bit, and could probably have been condensed. I think this is a great introduction to forgiveness and revenge, and I would strongly recommend it to anyone who has an intellectual interest in the subject.

Unfortunately, this book has very little advice that could help readers to forgive someone in their personal life, although I thought it would before I started reading. If that’s what you’re looking for, this book might give you *some* satisfaction and comfort, but it won’t give you specific practical advice.

[Chris M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, a very interesting read. I learned more about other scholarly work about this topic too. It's a very niche topic in psychology but certainly worth a read.

[Gloria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Picked up this book after hearing Kristin Tippett interview the author on the radio show "Speaking of Faith."

Generally, a good book. I think the main point is the idea of challenging the metaphor of revenge as an aberration or illness. I found the last four or five chapters the most useful? interesting? in that it really moves beyond the biological arguements he was trying to make, toward the context of revenge and forgiveness within cultural frames.

Notes on what I found helpful: what makes up an apology (what is an effective apology; this topic as been raised in the new over the years, particularly in reference to politicians; this section makes it helpful and clear for all levels of society and relationships)

Signals toward forgiveness: 1. Apology, 2. Self-abasing displays and gestures, 3. Compensation. (examples of this include solatia which is something that American commanders have done for civilians families who have been harmed by army forces--nominal compensation with condolences is the usual practise, and don't result from legal proceedings but are done via free will.

Apologies and Alternatives (Peter Schönbach): the four basic accounts of 1) refusal (denial), 2) excuse (attempt to reduce responsibility by citing mitigating circumstances), 3) justification (some acceptance of responsibility) and 4) concessions: "accepts both the responsibility and the undesirability of the situation; one admits partial or full guilt, expresses regret and offers compensation."

Regarding moving humanity more toward nonzero game practice:
Two books of interest: Robert Wright's Nonzero and Peter Singer's The Expanding Circle
Robbers Cave Study in 1954 as study in cooperation
Three social-psychological phenomena to enable cooperation (transition from conflict to forgiveness): Decategorization, re-categorization and mutual intergroup differentiation.
Note: THIS IS VERY SIMILAR to the steps or ways of thinking for re-framing, thinking out-of-the-box, and a good design process.

homo ludens, homo faber, hom econmicus, homo religiosus, homo ignoscens? homo ultor

more notes to come, need to get some coffee...

[Bill Pritchard · Rating 3 out of 5]

In Michael McCullough's ambitious book "Beyond Revenge: The Evolution of the Forgiveness Instinct", Mr. McCullough takes on the fast growing field of Forgiveness. The book deals with three basic, yet deeply fundamental questions - Why is revenge such a pervasive and destructive problem? Why is the desire for revenge so tempting? Why is forgiveness so difficult? What must we do to create a less vengeful, more forgiving world? Mr. McCullough tackles these questions by challenging centuries-old misconceptions about revenge and forgiveness. He contends that the desire for revenge should not be likened to a "disease" or a "poison" that makes people do terrible things to each other. Instead, he suggests that natural selection created our penchant for revenge because it helped our ancestors solve social dilemmas they encountered during our evolution. It is a problem today, Mr. McCullough suggests, because it was a solution during our ancestral past.

Forgiveness is also not the antidote or cure. Our capacity to forgive evolved because it helped our ancestors preserve relationships with relatives and other valuable partners. When almost every day we encounter stories that make it seem so difficult, if not impossible to forgive. Mr. McCullough, through examples of extraordinary people who's ability to forgive the seemingly unforgiveable - for example the story of Bud Welch and his ability to forgive the man who killed his daughter - along with 167 others - one Tim McVeigh, shows that the key to a more forgiving, less vengeful world is to understand the forces that gave rise to these intimately human traits, the social forces that activate them in human minds today, and the changes that are necessary to make our relationships and social institutions better at activating the forgiveness instinct inside all of us. It is at times a tough read, due to the subject matter and the writers attention to citing sources, but it was a book that I am glad I read.

[Stark · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was very helpful as I learned exactly when you should forgive. It’s confusing, because one always hears you should do it for “your own sake” but that can lead to staying in bad situations or feeling you’ve betrayed yourself. I use this rubric all the time. If these two conditions are met, you can forgive safely:

1) The person acknowledges and is genuinely regretful for having harmed you.
2) The person is not in a position to harm you further. This could be because something about you has changed such as becoming an adult, as well as a situational change or a change in the other person.

[Nathan · Rating 3 out of 5]

With wit and good humor, McCullough highlights the evolutionary utility of forgiveness by means of intriguing hypotheticals, nuts-and-bolts evolutionary psychology and contemporary anecdotal research. One need not be of any particular religious persuasion to appreciate his analysis of commonsense ethics, religious precepts and the surprising intersection of the two.

[Ron · Rating 4 out of 5]

McCullough is a professor of psychology. He does a good job of reviewing the science, psychology, anthropology and related disciplines to explore the evolutionary/biological basis for both revenge and forgiveness. He then goes on to state a case for promoting forgiveness and what we might do to make forgiveness the operant mode for human survival on this planet.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I too was attracted after hearing Krista Tippett interview the author. My interest was in understanding forgiveness vs. revenge and wondering how we (societies) encourage more of the former and less of the latter toward a more peaceful world. I found the book interesting and informative.

[Tricia]

absolutely loved it.