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The Diary of River Song #12
The Diary of River Song: The Orphan Quartet
An old enemy hides beyond the universe, a desolate Cornish inn confronts the truth, a grieving mother holds onto a deadly memento of war, and has the Earth failed to notice it’s been invaded? Professor River Song must solve all this while dealing with a loss of her own.
12.1 The Excise Men by Lou Morgan - A smugglers’ inn on the Cornish coast in the 18th Century is under attack. Never do a deal with the Excise Men.
12.2 Harvest of the Krotons by James Goss - What are the Krotons? Why are they running a health spa? Jackie Tyler and River Song investigate, because everyone needs a direction point.
12.3 Dead Man Talking by Tim Foley - Among the wreckage of the planet Earth, an old lady treasures a terrible relic that reminds her of her son. River Song has come to take it away.
12.4 The Wife of River Song by Lizzie Hopley - River Song is on an expedition seeking the Hive. Her sister is trapped in the ruins of the Hive. River Song is on honeymoon. Three realities meet.
12.1 The Excise Men by Lou Morgan - A smugglers’ inn on the Cornish coast in the 18th Century is under attack. Never do a deal with the Excise Men.
12.2 Harvest of the Krotons by James Goss - What are the Krotons? Why are they running a health spa? Jackie Tyler and River Song investigate, because everyone needs a direction point.
12.3 Dead Man Talking by Tim Foley - Among the wreckage of the planet Earth, an old lady treasures a terrible relic that reminds her of her son. River Song has come to take it away.
12.4 The Wife of River Song by Lizzie Hopley - River Song is on an expedition seeking the Hive. Her sister is trapped in the ruins of the Hive. River Song is on honeymoon. Three realities meet.
Audio CD
First published August 22, 2023
1 person is currently reading
27 people want to read
About the author
Lou Morgan
45 books94 followersLou Morgan is an award-nominated adult and YA author. Her first novel, Blood and Feathers – an adult urban fantasy – was published by Solaris Books in 2012 and the follow-up, Blood and Feathers: Rebellion, was released in the summer of 2013.
Her first YA novel, Sleepless, is published by Stripes / Little Tiger Press as part of their Red Eye horror series.
She has appeared at the Bath Children’s Literature Festival and the Edinburgh International Book Festival, and has been nominated for three British Fantasy Awards (Best Newcomer and twice for Best Fantasy Novel).
Her short stories have appeared in anthologies from Solaris Books, PS Publishing and Jurassic, amongst others. She has also written genre novel-related features for magazines including Future Publishing’s SFX and is a long- and shortlist reader for the Bath Novel Award.
Born in Wales and a graduate of University College London, she now lives in Bath with her family.
She is represented by Juliet Mushens at The Agency Group / UTA.
Her first YA novel, Sleepless, is published by Stripes / Little Tiger Press as part of their Red Eye horror series.
She has appeared at the Bath Children’s Literature Festival and the Edinburgh International Book Festival, and has been nominated for three British Fantasy Awards (Best Newcomer and twice for Best Fantasy Novel).
Her short stories have appeared in anthologies from Solaris Books, PS Publishing and Jurassic, amongst others. She has also written genre novel-related features for magazines including Future Publishing’s SFX and is a long- and shortlist reader for the Bath Novel Award.
Born in Wales and a graduate of University College London, she now lives in Bath with her family.
She is represented by Juliet Mushens at The Agency Group / UTA.
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
September 3, 2023
The last of The Diary of River Song? Well, that’s what they’re saying. But Big Finish has clarified that it’s not the end of Alex Kingston as River Song, just the end of this particular series. Still, sad news, but hopefully we’ll get appearances of River Song in other places. And I’m going to miss that absolutely brilliant and wonderful Diary of River Song theme music! But now on to the episodes for this collection:
12.1 The Excise Men - Quite a good, atmospheric story with a monster race that would have worked quite well in the Doctor Who tv series. Very gothic. Very creepy. Wonderfully done. (4/5)
12.2 Harvest of the Krotons - OMG! I was laughing so much I had to pause it and catch my breath! I was missing stuff, so I had to run it back. These two are utterly hilarious! Alex Kingston & Camille Coduri are an incomparable delight! If anyone could get River Song to shut up, it just could only have HAD to be Jackie Tyler. There are moments when River can’t even get a word in edgewise. They have great chemistry and such wonderful rapport. (5/5)
12.3 Dead Man Talking - This one was a good trick. The listener thinks things are going one direction when it begins, but as the story progresses things take a different turn. Still it feels predictable, well done of course, but still predictable. Then there’s another twist and another, and what starts out as a rather pedestrian narrative evolves into an absolutely wonderful and beautiful story of enduring love and made families. (4/5)
12.4 The Wife of River Song - Fun and entertaining, but I was a bit disappointed. At least twice I thought they were going to spin this one in a slightly different direction, and then they copped out and went back to the direction that the narrative had been headed in previously. Nothing recalling, just nothing making it standout either. (3/5)
Please, I’m begging you Big Finish, I am BEGGING you (here TAKE MY MONEY NOW!), give us that Jackie & River Road Trip as a series of box sets.
12.1 The Excise Men - Quite a good, atmospheric story with a monster race that would have worked quite well in the Doctor Who tv series. Very gothic. Very creepy. Wonderfully done. (4/5)
12.2 Harvest of the Krotons - OMG! I was laughing so much I had to pause it and catch my breath! I was missing stuff, so I had to run it back. These two are utterly hilarious! Alex Kingston & Camille Coduri are an incomparable delight! If anyone could get River Song to shut up, it just could only have HAD to be Jackie Tyler. There are moments when River can’t even get a word in edgewise. They have great chemistry and such wonderful rapport. (5/5)
12.3 Dead Man Talking - This one was a good trick. The listener thinks things are going one direction when it begins, but as the story progresses things take a different turn. Still it feels predictable, well done of course, but still predictable. Then there’s another twist and another, and what starts out as a rather pedestrian narrative evolves into an absolutely wonderful and beautiful story of enduring love and made families. (4/5)
12.4 The Wife of River Song - Fun and entertaining, but I was a bit disappointed. At least twice I thought they were going to spin this one in a slightly different direction, and then they copped out and went back to the direction that the narrative had been headed in previously. Nothing recalling, just nothing making it standout either. (3/5)
Please, I’m begging you Big Finish, I am BEGGING you (here TAKE MY MONEY NOW!), give us that Jackie & River Road Trip as a series of box sets.
March 9, 2024
I quite like how it feels like Amy Pond has a presence by the way River Song talks about her throughout this set. Apparently, this is the end of this range. It was a pretty good run, all things considered, and I’m curious to see where else River may pop up.
July 19, 2025
Four unconnected stories loosely on the theme of being disconnected from family, whether through tragedy or mere physical separation.
The Excise Men – The story starts with River arriving in an early 18th-century coastal village in a setting reminiscent of TV serial The Smugglers. Despite the early similarity, however, it wastes no time in turning into a very different type of tale – a base-under-siege that sees the patrons of a pub menaced by apparently supernatural beings. This could very easily be a Doctor Who story, with River taking the Doctor’s role and the pub’s barmaid acting as the companion surrogate. Indeed, there’s really only one scene that plays into the differences that that implies… albeit that one scene does do it well. In addition to the sense of dread, there’s a mystery element around why the hostile entities are here in the first place, perhaps let down slightly by the answer proving to be a slight rehash of an established monster. Nonetheless, it all works as a standalone story, and the barmaid character does a good job as a one-off companion. 4 stars.
Harvest of the Krotons – On paper, this sounds like it should be a good one, featuring Jackie Tyler as it does. Here, she teams up with River to investigate a luxury health spa that fuses New Age crystal therapy with detox diets as the guests are encouraged to purify their ‘krotonic energy’. If that sounds like a comedy, then it mostly is, but it’s one that falls flat more often than not. There’s fun with Jackie naming B-list celebs from the 2000s (some of which will probably be a mystery to non-English listeners) and a few gags about the daftness of the Krotons’ look, but the blandness of the villains rather gets in the way. Interestingly, it’s more of a Jackie story than a River one, with the latter in the background for much of it. On the plus side, this allows for a subplot about her concern for Rose that fits well with how she is portrayed in the TV show. It’s Jackie Tyler as hero, and being a hero because of who she is, not despite it… and for some listeners, that may be all you need. 3.5 stars.
Dead Man Talking – River arrives at an isolated house where a grieving mother is trying to contact her dead son through a medium. It’s a nicely set-up story, with an atmosphere of post-war austerity as well as the obvious spooky nature of whatever it is (if anything) that the medium is communicating with. It’s a layered story, with themes of despair and loss alongside a desperate hope that may, or may not, be entirely futile. Is the supposed medium what he claims, when both fake and real ones exist in the Doctor Who universe? Why is River so interested anyway? It would spoilery to go any further into what happens, but it kept me engaged and is cleverly constructed with some good performances from the guest actors. 5 stars.
The Wife of River Song – The last story of the set is, unfortunately, rather confused. It’s set in a futuristic health spa where something has gone terribly wrong, a sort of base under siege where whatever is doing the besieging has already won. It’s notable, per the cover, for featuring River’s previous incarnation alongside her regular one, although it’s arguable how much is really done with this contrast. I could follow most of what was going on, but never had a clear picture of the setting or where we were supposed to be, which (at least for me) is a failing in an audio play. Perhaps it’s a case of it all being a bit too weird and not fully compensating for that. 2.5 stars.
The Excise Men – The story starts with River arriving in an early 18th-century coastal village in a setting reminiscent of TV serial The Smugglers. Despite the early similarity, however, it wastes no time in turning into a very different type of tale – a base-under-siege that sees the patrons of a pub menaced by apparently supernatural beings. This could very easily be a Doctor Who story, with River taking the Doctor’s role and the pub’s barmaid acting as the companion surrogate. Indeed, there’s really only one scene that plays into the differences that that implies… albeit that one scene does do it well. In addition to the sense of dread, there’s a mystery element around why the hostile entities are here in the first place, perhaps let down slightly by the answer proving to be a slight rehash of an established monster. Nonetheless, it all works as a standalone story, and the barmaid character does a good job as a one-off companion. 4 stars.
Harvest of the Krotons – On paper, this sounds like it should be a good one, featuring Jackie Tyler as it does. Here, she teams up with River to investigate a luxury health spa that fuses New Age crystal therapy with detox diets as the guests are encouraged to purify their ‘krotonic energy’. If that sounds like a comedy, then it mostly is, but it’s one that falls flat more often than not. There’s fun with Jackie naming B-list celebs from the 2000s (some of which will probably be a mystery to non-English listeners) and a few gags about the daftness of the Krotons’ look, but the blandness of the villains rather gets in the way. Interestingly, it’s more of a Jackie story than a River one, with the latter in the background for much of it. On the plus side, this allows for a subplot about her concern for Rose that fits well with how she is portrayed in the TV show. It’s Jackie Tyler as hero, and being a hero because of who she is, not despite it… and for some listeners, that may be all you need. 3.5 stars.
Dead Man Talking – River arrives at an isolated house where a grieving mother is trying to contact her dead son through a medium. It’s a nicely set-up story, with an atmosphere of post-war austerity as well as the obvious spooky nature of whatever it is (if anything) that the medium is communicating with. It’s a layered story, with themes of despair and loss alongside a desperate hope that may, or may not, be entirely futile. Is the supposed medium what he claims, when both fake and real ones exist in the Doctor Who universe? Why is River so interested anyway? It would spoilery to go any further into what happens, but it kept me engaged and is cleverly constructed with some good performances from the guest actors. 5 stars.
The Wife of River Song – The last story of the set is, unfortunately, rather confused. It’s set in a futuristic health spa where something has gone terribly wrong, a sort of base under siege where whatever is doing the besieging has already won. It’s notable, per the cover, for featuring River’s previous incarnation alongside her regular one, although it’s arguable how much is really done with this contrast. I could follow most of what was going on, but never had a clear picture of the setting or where we were supposed to be, which (at least for me) is a failing in an audio play. Perhaps it’s a case of it all being a bit too weird and not fully compensating for that. 2.5 stars.
February 23, 2025
The Excise Men - 4.5 stars
Harvest of the Krotons - 5 stars
Dead Man Talking - 4 stars
The Wife of River Song - 5 stars
A fantastic conclusion to an overall amazing series! I waited so long to get my hands on this final installment of the DORS series, and it was definitely worth the wait.
Harvest of the Krotons - 5 stars
Dead Man Talking - 4 stars
The Wife of River Song - 5 stars
A fantastic conclusion to an overall amazing series! I waited so long to get my hands on this final installment of the DORS series, and it was definitely worth the wait.
September 10, 2023
2.5 I was underwhelmed by this collection.
September 17, 2023
The last story—the final story in this range—was too timey wimey. Otherwise it was 5 stars.
October 4, 2023
The Excise Men ***
Harvest of the Krotons ****
Dead Man Talking *****
The Wife of River Song ****
Harvest of the Krotons ****
Dead Man Talking *****
The Wife of River Song ****
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews