Dear Mom and Dad: A Letter About Family, Memory, and the America We Once Knew

by Patti Davis

As a frequent guest columnist for the New York Times, Patti Davis has distinguished herself as one of our wisest contemporary storytellers. Far from being the enfant terrible she was once portrayed to be, Davis here turns an honest yet empathetic eye toward her parents, Ronald and Nancy Reagan, combining bittersweet recollections—of her father, the eternal lifeguard, who saved 77 people from drowning yet failed to create a coherent AIDS policy, and of her mother, who never escaped the torture chamber of her own youth—with comedic scenes as if plucked from a sitcom, as she describes marrying her yoga instructor at the Hotel Bel-Air, hiding her marijuana stash from the FBI, and constantly evading the Secret Service. An inherently wise work about a family finally reunited through Ronald Reagan’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis, Dear Mom and Dad will be readily appreciated by any adult grappling with the legacy of a troubled childhood.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Biography Memoir, History, Family, Audiobook

181 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 6, 2024

About the author

My new book, Dear Mom and Dad, is the end of a long journey toward understanding my family. My hope is that readers will be inspired to take a step back and look at their own families through a wider lens. Families are all complicated to some degree, certainly mine was, but in this book I also explore the times when there was just love there. That's part of our story too.

Reviews

[Maddie Zehner · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was like reading the journal of a 70 year old quasi-famous woman who never learned to deal with her childhood problems. She should have gone to therapy instead of published a book.

[Maureen Grigsby · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a poignant letter to her parents, that once again shows the world that Patti Davis had a very conflicted relationship with her mother. She is much more forgiving of her father, but still comes down hard on him for his stance for funding AIDS research and treatment. The memoir shows that we get a very different perspective on life and on our parents as we get older.

[Anna🦋 · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author NAILED this book. It’s short and all-encompassing. Although the Reagan’s were republican, they were progressive in thought and the author’s views lean democrat. Ultimately though this book is about humanity first, politics second. It’s a beautifully written retrospective on how she would change her past actions to connect more with her family.

[Elizabeth Bishop · Rating 1 out of 5]

@maddie zehner said it best, she could have gone to therapy, but instead she wrote a book.

[Suzanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This moving and candid tribute to The Reagans is everything I’ve come to expect from Patti Davis:
Honest...Brave...Tender...Raw
Filled with never-before-heard family anecdotes, Davis’ innate, dry wit and delicate prose will delight.

[Joelle Tamraz · Rating 5 out of 5]

A love letter to the author’s parents, Nancy and Ronald Reagan, a reminiscence of a different time. This book was more personal and brief than I had expected, the epistolary format intimate and moving. The message a reckoning both of what happened and what could have been.

Despite the distance between them and her resentment of America’s intrusion into their lives, the love her father showed her when she was a young child, and the faith in God he taught her, sustained her through the darkest moments of her life. And continue to do many years after his death.

[Christen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very beautiful writing, but felt more like therapy for the author than a book meant for the reader.

[Isabel · Rating 2 out of 5]

I would not recommend this book. The description claims that the book “will inspire readers to recall their own childhoods in a totally new light” and I did not find this to be the case. It read as a series of grievances that would be more appropriate for a therapy assignment than a book. I also think the political commentary was unnecessary based on the goal of the book.

[Susan Thuvanuti · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting book about the Reagan family. It does not portray Nancy in a favorable light.

[Sandy · Rating 2 out of 5]

With age generally comes increased thought on how you have lived your life and this book is that. The Reagan family was not in any way normal, and the children were treated more as objects and through the years reading her other books, you can feel the pain. In this one in retrospect, she is apologizing to them for some of the things that she did. I just don’t think it required a book

[John Bailey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dear Mom and Dad by Patti Davis. The book attempts to show the human flaws Patti's mom and dad have. It also touches her flaws as she has written. Once she says: "I didn't always get it right, but when I got it wrong, I owned it and corrected myself." But did she?

We are all different and we are different than we were before throughout our lives and Patti says this. We are impacted by our age and experiences and by what is going on around us. But were her parents wrong in how they treated her? Maybe. Maybe not.

We are all human. We do things we regret. Ms. Davis admits this herself. And the relationship between a child and his/her parents is no different. She says in the book; "... forgiveness is the answer to everything."

All of us should, as she says: "do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better."

I wonder two things, 1. What would a dear mom and dad letter from the other Reagan kids say" and 2. What would a letter from Nancy and Ronald Reagan to Patti say?

Be kind and forgive and love your parents.

[hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wasn’t born into the Reagan administration. In fact, I’m not even from the United States at all. So I think that it’s no surprise that I never knew much about the 40th president of the United States, except for the fact that modern-day americans either think really highly of him or absolutely despise him.

I think that was also one of the reasons why i didn’t really get interested in them much sooner. I’ve been interested with other political figures—not for their politics—but for who they are as real people. It seems strange to think of high-profile politicians to have a private life outside their government policies and their public opinions that you may or may not agree on.

What intrigues me the most is to think of presidents and leaders of powerful countries outside of who they are in public and to have more snippets of what was going on in their private life to have a subtle insight into what is going through their mind. In the past, I’d been interested in personalities that include Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, George W Bush and his family, the Cheneys, the Obamas, and even surprisingly, the Trump administration.

So how did this Reagan fixation start? To begin with, I first stumbled in the journey of unveiling the inner personas of Nancy and Ronald Reagan after seeing a clip of Jenna Bush Hager on the Today Show saying how her dad (George W Bush) “went all Nancy Reagan” to her sister’s 1st grade playmate’s mom who allowed them her sister to watch a graphic movie. After hearing that, I was intrigued. And so, I ventured into a rabbit hole both on Google and on Youtube for clips of then President Ronald Reagan and First Lady Nancy Reagan for interviews and/or clips from media outlets and the press that may take my interest.

Whilst I was in the middle of my rabbit hole, I was able to stumble upon Nancy Reagan’s funeral procession in Youtube where her daughter Patti Davis, gave a sincere and bittersweet eulogy to her Mother, Nancy Reagan. After hearing her eulogy, I felt that her words really touched me and was something that I myself could relate to. As someone who also had—in her own words—“a difficult and often contentious relationship” with my own mother—I felt that i really connected with her through that single phrase. I know a lot of people who posses difficult relationships with their own parents can relate to that sentiment as well.

After that, i was more interested in what their relationship was like. By this time, I’ve already known about the controversial novel yet was later classified as an autobiography that Patti Davis published in 1986, from the President and the First Lady’s interview with Barbara Walters. During this time, she invoked criticism and even death threats as to why she would publish such a book that was perceived as an attack to both her parents while her Father was president. In this book, she briefly mentioned how Nancy Reagan called all the people set to interview her about this novel and asking them all to cancel and they did.
As I looked deeper into Patti’s catalogue to see if she had published more criticizing books about her parents. Instead, I stumbled into this book published recently in 2024. The title intrigued me, was this book supposed to offer a more positive light for her parents or another negative viewpoint? Well, curiosity got the best of me and I decided to get the full book on Audible.

What really struck me with this book is that Ronald Reagan, an understandably controversial president—often vilified by people my age—had a heart. He didn’t lack empathy, he wasn’t racist like people described him to be, and more importantly, he isn’t a greedy moron like the current President of the United States is right now. He actually believed he could make a difference to the country that he loved so much and that was the main reason why he ran for President in the first place. In fact, I even think he was the last decent President of the Republican Party that the United States of America had. All though, It is undeniable that some of his policies and public opinions were questionable.

To me, it is no surprise that Patti Davis’ most challenging and complicated relationship in her entire life has been her Mother. Until the end of Nancy Reagan’s life, Patti wrote that she “never stopped being afraid of her own Mother”. Yet, I deeply admire Patti’s ability to try and be the bigger person. With lots of internal work done, she went to greater lengths to look at the psychological factors and to consider the effect those may have had that would eventually lead to her Mother and Father being who they were as parents and even as to how they arrived on some political stances that may or may not have sat well with constituents.

verdict: 4 stars

Overall, I’d say that this book has been both insightful and—excluding the obvious fact that my parents have certainly never been President or First Lady—has been relatable as well. This book has allowed me to look at different aspects of life with wider lens; which ultimately allowed me to have a better viewpoint on my own personal experiences and difficulties in said subject matter.
However, what i really liked and found interesting about this book is that no matter how weird and strange it may be to think of our parent’s lives before we were born, sometimes it’s necessary to do that in order to give us a better understanding of their behavior.
This book emphasizes on Patti Davis’ emphatic and honest approach on her inner feelings toward her parents through a direct poignant letter addressed to them.

[Barb · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not a fan of this book. At times I forgot who the family was she was talking about. Seemed more like a list of grievances rather than a childhood.

[Joanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

In Dear Mom and Dad, Patti Davis writes a heartfelt letter to her late parents, delving into her reflections on family, memory, and identity. While many readers might anticipate a detailed exploration of her famous father’s battle with Alzheimer’s and the well-known rifts in their family, the book leans instead into warm, reflective moments of Davis’s relationship with her father, Ronald Reagan. Through these tender snapshots, she paints a picture of her father that reveals quiet, compassionate moments of connection that, for her, seem to transcend past misunderstandings.

Davis’s writing resonates with her personal growth, showing a sense of reconciliation, though not without self-awareness. She openly acknowledges the role her parents' backgrounds and personalities played in shaping her, and how it formed the reputation she once earned as the rebellious Reagan child. However, she attributes much of this tension to a complex chain of familial influences—how her parents were molded by their own parents, and how she, in turn, was shaped by them. This reflection adds a thoughtful dimension to her narrative, reminding us that family ties often run deeper than generational misunderstandings.

Despite the expectation of an intricate family analysis, Dear Mom and Dad maintains a narrow focus on Davis’s relationship with her father, leaving out substantial discussion of her mother, Nancy, and her siblings, other than their frequent estrangements. As a result, the book feels more like a personal tribute to her father than a comprehensive family memoir.

Davis touches on a powerful idea: that we inevitably carry our parents' stories within us, for better or worse. Her journey to understand and make peace with her family legacy is insightful, even if the book doesn't probe as deeply into the complexities of her family dynamics as some might hope. Dear Mom and Dad is ultimately a gentle, sincere memoir of a daughter's journey toward understanding her father, marked by forgiveness and acceptance. For readers looking for an intimate, forgiving portrait of Ronald Reagan from his daughter’s perspective, this book will resonate.

[Terry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting look at the relationship between Patti Davis and her parents, Ronald and Nancy Reagan. She had a much more favorable relationship with her father than her mother. She was a rebellious child especially after her dad got involved with politics. She disagreed with her father on many issues, particularly nuclear weapons and AIDS. She also talks about the years of her dad’s Alzheimers. Little was known at that time about the disease. Sadly, she felt her mom was cold and unloving toward her throughout her life. Very dysfunctional family.

[Evan Whitlock · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5⭐️

[Carmen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found myself comparing our parents. It was so similar, as in how they interacted with their children.

[Jennifer Williams · Rating 1 out of 5]

The minute this turned into a rant about current politics, I lost interest.

[Olivia Goodale · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book fell short of my expectations and felt like the author had no real purpose behind the writing of this book other than to complain and capitalize on her parent’s fame and achievements. Nothing she wrote was groundbreaking or insightful.

I like that this was written in a letter format, which made for a quick, albeit painful, read. The cover claims that the book is about “the America we once knew”. I can’t think of one example in the book that was not just an extremely personal event within her specific family with not much to do with America as a whole.

My biggest take away from this book was how unnecessary it was. It sounds like Davis was able to make peace with her parents before they died so what has changed? That she is getting older and facing her own mortality? That she needed to make more money? Why write this book for the public? I personally wouldn’t recommend this book to people to read and felt very underwhelmed by it.

2/5

[Read-n-Bloom · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m not really sure about this book. I thought it was going to be a book from an author, who is a daughter of a former American President, who realized she had judged her father and mother wrongly, but I was wrong. In some ways I was right but for the most part I was wrong. Patti Davis writes of her mother and father as if she loves them from a distance and never really knowing them. The love lost between mother, father, and daughter in reading this book seems to me to have started with the daughter and her thoughts or feelings about things instead of giving her parents honor and the benefit of the doubt and trying to understand their feelings of things. But I don’t believe any of us will ever know the exact truth, but I do think that Miss Davis just resents them, her mother a LOT more than her dad, for some reason and I truly didn’t really figure out why with this book anyway. Thank you to #NetGalley and the author, Patti Davis, and the publishers for the opportunity to read and review #DearMomandDad with my honest thoughts and opinions. I appreciate it extremely.

[Lisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I bought this book based on a description that said it had insights on how your parents affect your life as adults, how to process grief when a parent dies, and a look back on America in past decades.
What I got from this was one or two interesting sentences of how our personalities are shaped by our parents who were shaped by their own parents, etc, etc. I am not sure I agree with all that but there is obviously some truth to it. The rest of the book was a listing of a daughter's difficulty finding her place inside her family while growing up and as an adult. I feel for Patti Davis, but this seems like a diary or an assignment a therapist might give someone more than a book that other people should read.

[Kelley Clemente · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to W.W. Norton for this ARC.

I was in high school when Reagan took office. I have to admit, I never paid much attention to the 1st family. I knew there were problems, but I didn't pay it any mind. Therefore, reading this, there were parts I had to look up for clarification because this is written like a diary installment. No explanations are given. She speaks as though the reader knows what she is referencing.
The most beautiful part of the book was anytime she mentioned her dad in her childhood. You could feel the warmth and affection. He taught her about animals and wildlife and her faith. Those were emotional moments.

This book is definitely worth reading.

[Nancy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dear Patti, please stop trying to explain how awful your parents were. You see, many of us loved them or admired them. Once again, you dig up memories. (?) that show you as the victim. Get over it. Grow up. Find a new shtick. You surely are more than the daughter of a US president. If life was so bad, you'd think you would want to move on and make new memories. Your left wing political agenda got old by the 2nd chapter.

[Wendy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Patti Davis writes a poignant letter to her parents in this very moving book. Dealing with distant parents throughout her lifetime, Davis gives us a glimpse of what her life was like with these famous or infamous parents. Beautiful prose and raw emotions throughout.

[Debra Fansler · Rating 2 out of 5]

Positives - clearly heart felt and a glimpse into a family and a time.

But - I found it repetitive - and self indulgent.

[Lauren Schneiderman · Rating 3 out of 5]

I can only hope my kids won't write a disparaging book about me when I'm long gone 🫣

[Jessa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Release Date: February 6, 2024

📖📖📖📖📖

As a frequent guest columnist for the New York Times, Patti Davis has distinguished herself as one of our wisest contemporary storytellers. Far from being the enfant terrible she was once portrayed to be, Davis turns an honest yet empathetic eye toward her parents, Ronald and Nancy Reagan, combining bittersweet recollections—of her father, the eternal lifeguard, who saved 77 people from drowning yet failed to create a coherent AIDS policy, and of her mother, who never escaped the torture chamber of her own youth—with comedic scenes as if plucked from a sitcom, as she describes marrying her yoga instructor at the Hotel Bel-Air, hiding her marijuana stash from the FBI, and constantly evading the Secret Service. An inherently wise work about a family finally reunited through Ronald Reagan’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis, Dear Mom and Dad will be readily appreciated by any adult grappling with the legacy of a troubled childhood.

Dear mom and dad by Patti Davis was such an interesting and hilarious read. It was so interesting to read about her life with her parents from being young when they were movie stars on to when they were president and First Lady. Patti has a beautiful way of writing that keeps you captured by her story.

I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All opinions and thoughts are my own.

#dearmomanddad #aletteraboutfamilymemoryandtheamericaweonceknew #pattidavis #ronaldregan #nancyregan #wwnortonandcompany #liveright #bookreview #bookstagram #booklover #bookstagram #bookworm #booknerd #booktok #bookrecommendations #bibliophile #booksofinstagram #readersofinstagram #bookblogger #igreads #goodreads #bookclub #bookreviews #bookbloggersofinstagram

[Anne S · Rating 3 out of 5]

"...the truth is our families are never behind us. They live inside us – sometimes dormant, sometimes raging to be noticed."

“Our parents are part of us – the sweet moments, the difficult memories, all of it. We find ourselves when we accept that.”

Dear Mom and Dad is an introspective memoir in the form of a letter from Patti Davis to her late parents, Ronald and Nancy Reagan. Davis reflects on her complicated relationship with her mother and her more forgiving, yet still critical, view of her father—especially his stance on AIDS research and nuclear proliferation. It was a very quick read (or listen!)

What stands out is how she explores the way our parents shape how we see the world. It was moving to hear how much her father spoke about God, offering glimpses of the spiritual depth that influenced him.

The audio version was not read by the author. I felt that voice of the actress was somewhat stilted, with a strange cadence.

“So often, I’ve thought I had nothing else to say or write about our family. After each of your deaths, after eulogizing each of you, I felt like a door was closing. Like the dramas and battles we’ve lived with were behind me. I felt I could start fresh, look out at smoother vistas and calmer weather, as if I didn’t have the past that I have, but the truth is our families are never behind us. They live inside us – sometimes dormant, sometimes raging to be noticed.

“As we get older, the life we’ve lived plays out in our minds, our memories. We think about the choices we made, the time we wasted. We start to realize that in so many instances, we weren’t navigating our own journey. Our course had been set by our childhoods, by the decisions we made about our childhoods.”

[Linda "Lilybug's Library" · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley, the author Patti Davis and the publisher for giving me an advanced copy of this book. This is my honest review.

I enjoyed this book so much. I went into it not really knowing what to expect, and I was pleasantly surprised. It's really not a book about politics and a political family, as much as it's a book about a dysfunctional family and trying to heal and break that cycle.

Patti Davis is an incredible writer and writes from her heart. Both her parents Nancy Reagan(Davis) and the former President Ronald Reagan have passed away. With all families though, what your parents have told you and how they have treated you, stays with you even after they are gone.

This is her story about feeling like an outsider in her own family. A family that never communicated and never faced up to anything difficult. If you come from a dysfunctional family (or even if you don't) this is a great read. I underlined whole paragraphs in the book and really felt that she had a lot of great insight and wisdom to pass on.

In her 70's now, Patti Davis has come to terms with much of her childhood and has reached an understanding about why her parents were the way they were. Fascinating book and so well written. I can't recommend it enough, no matter what your politics are.

[Shirley Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Patti Davis is wonderfully reflective and seeking to understand her parents, Ronald and Nancy Reagan, in this epistolary book. Apparently that attitude is quite different from when she wrote her 1992 autobiography The Way I See It. So different, in fact, she refuses to let the name of that book appear in Dear Mom and Dad.

Even from the wiser and less judgmental vantage point of age 70 or so, it's not hard to understand why Davis harbored resentment and anger against her parents. This book is deeply sympathetic to understanding what circumstances were like in each of her parents' upbringing (not great, to say the least) and how it contributed to the way they led their lives. It's also clear-eyed in describing how she was cruelly treated as child as a result of her mother's anger and disappointment in her from as early as she could remember, and her father's distance. There were moments of closeness with her dad, and she tried to live up to his ideals, but mostly she yearned for a greater loving relationship with him.

It's a fascinating look at the intimacies of their family and the interplay of all the Reagan personalities. When Ronald Reagan was shot by John Hinckley, apparently it never occurred to any of his four children or wife to reach out to each other.

She also writes eloquently and with grief about the new and divisive world of politics we live in now.