Steel Valentine

Pulphouse Short Story Paperbacks #11

by Joe R. Lansdale

“Even before Morley told him, Dennis knew things were about to get ugly. A man did not club you unconscious, bring you to his estate and tie you to a chair in an empty storage shed out back of the place if he merely intended to give you a valentine. Morley had found out about him and Julie.”

A short story in the tradition of Fleming or Dahl, “The Steel Valentine” is a gem, exemplifying the suspense writing of Joe Lansdale.

Genres: Horror, Fiction, Short Stories, Crime, Mystery, Ebooks, Thriller

Paperback

First published November 21, 2011

About the author

Champion Mojo Storyteller Joe R. Lansdale is the author of over forty novels and numerous short stories. His work has appeared in national anthologies, magazines, and collections, as well as numerous foreign publications. He has written for comics, television, film, newspapers, and Internet sites. His work has been collected in more than two dozen short-story collections, and he has edited or co-edited over a dozen anthologies. He has received the Edgar Award, eight Bram Stoker Awards, the Horror Writers Association Lifetime Achievement Award, the British Fantasy Award, the Grinzani Cavour Prize for Literature, the Herodotus Historical Fiction Award, the Inkpot Award for Contributions to Science Fiction and Fantasy, and many others. His novella Bubba Ho-Tep was adapted to film by Don Coscarelli, starring Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis. His story "Incident On and Off a Mountain Road" was adapted to film for Showtime's "Masters of Horror," and he adapted his short story "Christmas with the Dead" to film hisownself. The film adaptation of his novel Cold in July was nominated for the Grand Jury Prize at the Sundance Film Festival, and the Sundance Channel has adapted his Hap & Leonard novels for television.

He is currently co-producing several films, among them The Bottoms, based on his Edgar Award-winning novel, with Bill Paxton and Brad Wyman, and The Drive-In, with Greg Nicotero. He is Writer In Residence at Stephen F. Austin State University, and is the founder of the martial arts system Shen Chuan: Martial Science and its affiliate, Shen Chuan Family System. He is a member of both the United States and International Martial Arts Halls of Fame. He lives in Nacogdoches, Texas with his wife, dog, and two cats.

Reviews

[Jakob J. 🎃 · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Steel Valentine is a good, quick, mean, raw, low-down dirty, bone-crunching junkyard of a story that is as much a warning against men thinking with their dicks as it is chained tension and torrid torture.


*spoiler alert *


As the old saying goes, revenge is a dish best served with a dog-rage-inducing chemical slathered on your psychotic cuckolded kidnapper’s balls.

[Dan · Rating 4 out of 5]

When you're having an affair with a madman's wife, make sure you don't get caught...

This was a short, brutal tale by Joe R. Lansdale. Getting chained to a maddened Doberman doesn't sound like much fun to me. If you have any fear of getting attacked by dogs, this is not the story for you. However, it's pretty powerful and you won't soon forget it.

Four out of five stars.

[Zoeytron · Rating 3 out of 5]

This short story makes a good argument for keeping yourself in shape. An even better idea would be to eschew the cheatin' kind entirely. Dog lovers, spare yourselves the grief. This is balls to the wall vicious.

[Char · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fun short story!
Having an affair can be dangerous, especially when the cuckolded man is very rich, devious and insane. A fast paced revenge tale that takes a nasty turn.

[Kaisersoze · Rating 4 out of 5]

Taut and tension-filled, The Steel Valentine is only my second ever Lansdale read, but it most certainly will not be the last.

Dog lovers may have an issue, but recommended to most everyone else.

4 Reasons Not to Cheat on Your Spouse for The Steel Valentine.

[Carol · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's Valentine's Day and Dennis has a date with Chummy the Doberman....instead of Julie, another man's wife bc the cat is out of the bag and husband Morley is out for vengeance.

Another Landsdale short that chills and thrills, but animal lovers take heed.

[Chris · Rating 3 out of 5]

This story is a gritty crime/revenge and suitably dark and violent. That was about as far as it went for me with none of the humor or deep insight that set Lansdale apart as a writer. This would be a really good story for anyone other than Lansdale.

[ᴥ Irena ᴥ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dennis is captured by his lover's husband who is completely insane. The husband is very creative when it comes to revenge. This is a very violent and dark story with a gruesome twist.

[Spencer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really fun story; dark, gruesome, fast paced and with a satisfying ending.

[Mike Redmond · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every time I read Joe Lansdale I come to the satisfying conclusion that the bar he sets just keeps getting higher; or, more likely, the bar Joe sets in all of his work is at the pinnacle of unmatched perfection.

I love revenge stories. The Steel Valentine feels like a furious mule’s kick to the unsuspecting gut. It drips horrific sensations while arresting you in an inescapable cage until the ordeal’s horrific conclusion.

The fun part is you can picture yourself as either one of the two flawed characters featured. Enjoy...

[Steve · Rating 3 out of 5]

Definitely NOT a short story for dog lovers.

[Godzilla · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not my favourite Joe Lansdale story, it lacks the usual sparky dialogue and well rounded characters.

For me they're what make his books so readable. he draws you in and you care about the characters.

There aren't many characters in this, and they aren't particularly warm people, leaving me more as an interested observer, than in there batting for one of them.

That said, it's a pacy short story, filled with his trademark excellent handling of action scenes and violence.

There's a useful plot device in there, and redemption when it comes, comes at a price.

[Thomas Hobbs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Revenge at its best

Always best to make sure your enemy is dead before you walk away and assume the Doberman killed him. Best revenge story I've read in awhile. House full of Dobermans could be quite useful.

[Lew Gibb · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not a bad quick real

Pretty good writing and dialogue, but nothing particularly special about the plot. No surprises with the characters either. They're pretty one dimensional and everything goes pretty much as you might predict.

[Carlo Lagorio · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well written

Lansdale’s style is always great, but at the end this is a common story of revenge, just much more gory.

[Gronk · Rating 1 out of 5]

Nothing but gratuitous violence. I don't think I'll try any other Lansdale works.

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun little story!

[Loren Toddy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like all his stories, it's worth losing your self in.

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Whoa - that was a very graphic tale of revenge!

[Francesco · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short and creepy.

[Geoff · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Steel Valentine is a short story. It is a story about a man, who has taken another man captive, who was planning on running away with the first man's wife. So, this man means to kill the other, but he wants to do it in a sporting way. He ties the captive with a steel chain to a crazed Doberman Pinscher, and lets them fight it out. It quickly becomes a story of "The Hunter Gets Captured by The Game."

I'm pretty sure this story won the Stoker award for best short story. And it was a fun read. It would make for a great little television episode for the Masters of Horror, or some such series. It has that feel when reading it, like you were watching a movie. This was a good horror story by Lansdale!

[Trevor · Rating 2 out of 5]

Utterly pointless. This was my first attempt at reading Lansdale, and I must say I am disappointed. The story doesn't seem to have a plot. Sure, it's bloody and gritty, but it's nothing I haven't read before.

The reason why this has two stars instead of one is because it held my interest. But by the end of the story I felt nothing for the characters.

As of right now, it's free on Kindle. So I suggest you get it and judge for yourself. But don't expect anything spectacular.

If I ever decide to read Lansdale in the future, I hope it turns out better than this.

[Marvin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another currently free short story from Amazon and Gere Donovan Press. This one is in the crime noir revenge sub-genre. It is slightly similar in style to Stephen King's famous story "The Ledge". Not my favorite Lansdale work but still very entertaining. Three and a half stars.

Update: No longer free but still cheap at 99 cents.

[Rosa M. · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a good story. I rated it 2 stars because it was so far from reality with dog personalities and training. Dogs don't really lose their minds and turn on people and murder them. But, if you can suspend that bit of reality and go with the story line, I guess it's a fun read.

[Andres · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quick and vicious

Like the dogs in this tale of revenge Lansdale doesn't mess around and goes straight to the neck. Great characters, setting and as always, Joe making it look easy-breezy

[Ben · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this a few hours after reading Nic Pizzolatto's Gavelston, and it made a nice palette cleanser. Two men with a thirst for revenge/violence against each other, trying their best to get it.
Not one for dog lovers.

[Dylan Perry · Rating 3 out of 5]

An alright short story that felt longer than it needed to be. But it was free on Amazon, so I'm not complaining too much. Keep that in mind if you're going to check it out, this is a very graphic story, probably one of the most graphic I've read in a while.

[Robin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Maybe not the most original concept, but nobody does revenge fantasy better than Mr. Lansdale.

[Robert · Rating 2 out of 5]

Got this as a free kindle download. it's the third I've read of Lansdale's. Seems to me his style is simply flash and gore. Not that I didn't enjoy it somewhat, but it could have had more meat.

[Carol · Rating 3 out of 5]

no humor in this story, just brutality.