Vergeten, kwijt en afgeleid

by Joyce Cooper-Kahn, Laurie Dietzel, Richard Meijer (Translator)

Is je kind altijd alles kwijt? Nooit op tijd? Meteen weer vergeten wat je net zei? Overal met z'n gedachten behalve bij de les … Dan heeft je kind waarschijnlijk last van zwakke executieve functies. Executieve functies zorgen er voor dat we kunnen plannen, organiseren, onze impulsen onder controle kunnen houden en ons gedrag kunnen monitoren.
Zwakke executieve functies komen voor bij kinderen met adhd, autisme en leerstoornissen, maar ook bij veel kinderen zonder specifi eke diagnose. Karakteristiek voor deze kinderen is dat ze dingen wel lijken te kunnen, maar ze toch niet doen …

Vergeten, kwijt en afgeleid is speciaal voor ouders van kinderen met zwakke executieve functies. Na een beknopte maar zeer heldere uiteenzetting van wat executieve functies zijn en hoe ze zich ontwikkelen, gaan de auteurs uitgebreid in op de vraag wat je er aan kunt doen. Aan de hand van herkenbare voorbeelden bieden ze talloze praktische strategieën en nuchtere tips om executieve functies van kinderen thuis en op school te versterken.

Help je kind beter plannen, belangrijke dingen niet te vergeten, omgaan met frustratie, impulsen onder controle te houden en veranderingen beter te accepteren. Daarnaast helpt Vergeten, kwijt en afgeleid ook bij heel praktische zaken als zelfstandig huiswerk maken of de eigen kamer opruimen.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Education, Adhd, Psychology, Self Help, Reference

240 pages, Paperback

First published October 24, 2008

Reviews

[Lars Guthrie · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I'm not sure I learned anything new about executive functioning from 'Late, Lost,' it helped me to rethink many conceptions I already had and prompted me to formulate new strategies for my work with kids. At least for me, the first six chapters were unnecessary filler. If you are reading the book, do you need to know why you are reading the book? To the authors' credit, they give the reader permission, even encourage the reader, to skip and double back. And although they may bog down in redundancy, as they point out: 'Building habits requires repetition, repetition, and more repetition…Remember, this is not a knowledge problem. As with adults trying to change their behavior…kids often know what they should do, but tend to revert to their old ways.' I also liked their emphasis on a major concern of mine: '…[W:]hen we consider whether or not to let a child suffer negative natural consequences, we must be attuned to two factors: whether success is within reasonable reaching distance, and the cost of experiencing the negative consequences.' Yes! 'By experiencing success when…supports are in place, children learn that it is possible to succeed.' Overall, the suthor succeed in presenting a beginner's guide 'to helping children with executive functioning.'

[Curlita · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first half of this book is discussion of executive function and the lack thereof. It's sort of anxiety-producing, because it's a lot of descriptions of the problem -- case studies, examples, etc. talking about what's wrong. And some rather disheartening advice, like how deal with all the stress of helping your child, and how you should think of your child as something with a disability (in that they will need some significant level of accommodation). Fortunately, the second half of the book is more helpful and hopeful. The author breaks down the different components in executive function, and talks about what happens when there is a deficit in each area, then offers ideas about how to help. These ideas are really well-organized and clear, which I love. It's also laid out so that you can find the info you're looking for easily, AND it has an index, which I really appreciate.

[Krista Stevens · Rating 5 out of 5]

FANTASTIC resource for parents, teachers, and kids. Executive Functioning Disorder is not well understood, even by educators - this book has almost everything you want to know about what it is and how to help kids (and parents and teachers) learn to understand and live with this. If you are frustrated, annoyed or at your wits' end because your child appears to be irresponsible, forgetful, and disorganized, this book may help.

It gives a broad overview of what EF is, the development of EF by age bracket, the perspective of a child dealing with EFD (quite eye-opening- these poor kids must be so frustrated), impact on the family, assessment, and then numerous steps and examples of dealing with the many components of EF.

Many of my students have EFD in their IEPs. Best tips I took away from this book (seriously, you need to buy it)are:

EFD is a performance disability: there is a gap between ability/knowledge and independent, consistent behavior.

Struggling readers - are sometimes inconsistent, looking at the first letter of a word, guessing at the rest, and reading quickly - should be encouraged to slow down and read text twice...she might read well, but her problems with attention to detail, working memory and pacing will not reflect her abilities (my paraphrase).

Many kids with writing problems have trouble with initiation. It is often helpful to allow these students to dictate some or all of the assignment.

Some students spend an average of three hours a day on homework while most of their friends are done in an hour...

[Sofia Pons · Rating 3 out of 5]

Easy and simple read para trabajar executive functions

[Deirdre K · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the best books I've read in this area. It's the first time I've seen executive functioning separated from other disabilities or issues (ADHA, Asperger's, etc). Aidan saw it on my nightstand and came out laughing and saying, "Hmm, I wonder who this is about?" But really I saw myself in many of its pages.

I love that it wasn't about a label but about strategies. Aidan is a brilliant boy who does all his work and then forgets to turn it in. Loses books regularly. Inspires me and drives me crazy. Some chapters applied more than others, but the ones on organization were excellent. The book gives examples of each strategy, and there is a lot of repetition as strategies for one skill area overlap with others. Still, I so appreciated its depiction of scaffolding and the way it framed the constant debate of whether we are offering enough support or too much support. Also appreciated how progress over perfection was emphasized.

Highly recommended even if you aren't late or lost;P

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you have a child with ADHD and an LD this book gives you wonderful insight into what your child is going through. It is easy to read and understand. The authors did not bog it down with a lot of psychological terminology that can often turn you off from the book because it is too clinical. Also the examples they provide seem true to life and you are able to relate to them. The suggestions to help your child make sense and seem doable.
Previous to reading this book, I often thought my son was not motivated, lazy or just didn't care. After reading this book I came to understand that he just cannot pull things together well enough, and realized how demoralizing this could be for him. We have all ready started putting some of the suggestions into use and I can see a difference in how we are interacting regarding school. This is a MUST READ for parents of kids who really struggle with being late, lost and unprepared!

[Bruce · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was highly recommended from my son's Psychiatrist as a way to cope with a child that has issues with executive functioning. I read it and agree with his assessment. I however, found that much of the recommendations are pretty standard coming from a Military mind set. While it gives you a lot of great paths forward, they are very difficult to keep up with. In many ways you have to micromanage everything until the child can do it on their own.

Sometimes it is nice to read something that reinforces that you are doing a particular thing right, or did in this case. I felt like it was targetted at the parents of 7-12 year old audience, just starting school, maybe starting middle school. Not at a kid that is 3 years away from adulthood.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

After receiving feedback from DD's teacher about some impulse control issues I found my way to "Late, Lost." While reading the early chapters I realized that I am the one with more significant executive function issues than my child. With that being said I have picked up some valuable ideas for us both, and I would heartily recommend this quick book for anyone who has a child who:

"doesn't notice when she's gone off on a tangent, who doesn't notice 'careless' errors, who interrupts others so she won't forget what she wants to say, who is genuinely surprised when she gets in trouble for misbehavior." Each of these issues (and many others) are addressed individually and collectively.

[Robyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Full of insightful information on kids who cannot seem to get it together. I took lots of notes and now just need to start implementing them. Ti is the poster child for this- give him a verbal list- and gaurantee none will get done. Needs to turn something in . . . what was the assignment? you get the idea. SO now I need to try and be proactive and help him learn to deal with his "executive functioning". And there were some interesting ideas that will help Jack and Spicer as well. Hope- well we just need her to get up on time . . .

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is written more for partents, or teachers who are just starting to deal with kids who have executive functioning dysfunction. (Exectuive Functioning includes memory, impulse control, organization of materials, planning ahead.) It was too basic for it to be much help for me. It really does have some great ideas (cognitive behavior techniques) for parents who struggle with this in themselves or with children.

[Rachael Howell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great "in a nutshell" book on executive functioning. My favorite on the topic. A nice combination of science and application. I think this whole concept is fascinating and enjoy learning more about how our brains develop. While it can overwhelming to consider making up deficits in my son's development, it's equally awe-inspiring to consider how this usually occurs naturally. What a lot we take for granted!

[Karen Christensen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can highly recommend this for anyone who is trying to raise a child with ADHD...although it would be helpful for the raising of all boys, in my opinion! My only disappointment is that a lot of the examples and tools given are for the younger child, and would not be appropriate for my 11-year old son. Still, some great ideas on how to help him develop his executive functioning skills!

[Steven · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazingly good book for children with executive issues

I felt that this book really helped me understand my child more. I feel more equipped to help him become successful.

[Tory · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great overview of executive functioning and what it means to have deficits or challenges in executive functioning. I learned that there are several subcategories - inhibition (stopping one's own behavior), shift (moving from one situation to another flexibly), emotional control, initiation, working memory, planning/organization, organization of material and self-monitoring (monitoring one's own performance and measuring it against a standard).

The book outlines what neuropyschological testing is, who should do it and gives excellent guidance for navigating the process of determining if your child has executive functioning issues. It then moves to strategies to deal with each kind of issue, touching on which issues tend to "ride together" (as in ADD, versus specific learning issues). The book gives different age-appropriate strategies, so it's useful for both younger children and teens/young adults.

I liked how the authors explain that parents have to get out of the judgement business and look on it as a skill set their child has problems with, rather than thinking the child is unmotivated or lazy. Though parents often know this on some level, keeping that tenet front and center makes a big difference in how you relate to your child - in frustration/anger or with compassion (as we all hope to).

[Donna Anoskey · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a parent of an autistic child, one of the most difficult things is to help him with executive function skills. Time management, organization, lists; all of these are very difficult for him. This book gives some good tips, and explains how best to approach teaching the skills. It also is more geared towards older children, when you're afraid you've missed the boat. I would definitely recommend it. It is not the end-all, be-all, but it's a very good start.

[Jason Strayer · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a parent (or a step-parent in my case) of a child with ADHD, I wonder often how to connect with my child, who clearly doesn't think and move about the world as I do. Activities I find simple seem easily forgotten or performed half done in such a way that it raises a perception of laziness. However, he clearly cares and wants to do right by the world just as much as anyone. This may be a general problem for all children, and we parents have just forgotten what a child's brain feels like in our bodies. But, in the case of someone with executive functioning disorders, there is a clearly a lack that equates as much to weak knees or a hearing disfunction, and requires compensation and training to overcome.

Late, Lost and Unprepared is a good introductory manual for dealing with a child with executive functioning challenges, which often overlap with ADHD. This book starts with the basics of the disorder; it clearly explains the subtypes and characteristics with clear language stripped of psychological jargon, such that it is easily consumable by most parents. As a reader, simply walking away with the sense that this is a real condition under which children truly suffer -- that word chosen intentionally -- is enough to justify the purchase of the book. However, the book goes one step further. At the half-way point, when I found myself starting to grow weary of the background, the books shifts gears into a practical how-to for dealing with all the various facets of the condition in how they manifest in the daily life of a child. This includes tips for children who complete homework but fail to turn it in, children who find change debilitating, or children with poor planning function.

I found the book repeatedly speak to behaviors I was already familiar with, and provide answers I had not yet considered. I definitely recommend it as a good starting place for parents who know or suspect their children may have ADHD or executive function disorder.

[Siv · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked up this book after reading an article on twice-exceptional kids that referenced the book. Two twice-exceptional kids and no educator or doctor had mentioned the term "executive functioning": "...a set of processes that all have to do with managing oneself and one's resources in order to achieve a goal. It is an umbrella term for the neurologically-based skills involving mental control and self-regulation." The executive functions include inhibition, mental/emotional flexibility, emotional control, initiation, working memory, planning/organization, and self-monitoring.

The book is clearly laid out, explaining challenges and providing real-life examples and practical how-to-help tips. Reading as a parent of two very different kids with different strengths and weaknesses, I have lots to digest; reading at the end of school year was not the best timing and I'll need to review it all again in August as we begin a new year's regimen.

The gift of this book lies in its practicality and hope: "...we believe that our children's best hope for the future may lay in the discovery of some strength that blossoms into an island of competence, and perhaps even becomes a continent of possibilities for personal satisfaction and job success. After all, people thrive when they build a life around their strengths. There are many different paths to success, even though this is sometimes hard to keep in perspective during the school years" (202).

[Ryan Frantz · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book provided some good insight into the executive functions many of us take for granted. While the book's focus is on diagnoses that include weaknesses in one or more of those executive functions, I was struck by the fact that really anyone, for any reason, can present with temporary weaknesses as well. Consider when one is tired or worn out from a taxing day at work.

The latter half of the book provided some guidance on how to assist children (at various ages) in developing improved skills (or finding better ways to accommodate them). While the examples were useful, the structure of the book was very formulaic and I had difficulty staying engaged with it.

Still, the content was informative and got me thinking about ways I can apply some of the knowledge to areas of design where computers can, and should, better augment our work. For example, we can improve our tools to enhance our working memory, help us initiate work, and facilitate smoother shifts (i.e. especially when one is on-call or otherwise distracted).

[morninglightmama · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot recommend this book highly enough for families with children who have executive functioning difficulties, such as is so common with ADHD. This book addresses so many of the challenges in organization, planning, self-monitoring, task initiation, and working memory that my eleven year old son experiences, and it was incredibly reassuring to read that several of the approaches that I've tried to help him put in place were recommended. But, even more often, my eyes were opened to ways in which I've been reacting to him that are counterproductive and I shed more than a few tears as I read this book. This book has quickly become my go-to manual, and it's so dog-earred and highlighted that I hope to refer back to it regularly.

[Ingrid Bruynse · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book. Wish I had read it sooner.

When your child is disorganised, to the point that they are harming their relationships, their school or university functioning, you know you cannot just let them "get on with it"... but how to help?

This book is clearly written, and in concise chapters that tackle the real issues of executive skill dysfunction. With a great research background, this book dispels myths about your child's challenges and issues. It is reassuring that the very real developmental delay in organisation is addressed realistically, and practically with things to do to assist in the best development of your child.

[Carmen Kane · Rating 4 out of 5]

We have a 10yo child recently diagnosed with learning disabilities and ADHD. The first half of the book addresses what an Executive Function disorder is. I felt like they were writing about my child and my family. It was nice to have words and terms to go with what we were dealing with. The second half was not very helpful, most of it seems to be basic parenting advice, much of it was things we already do or weren't applicable.

[Kristy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't recognize my son as much in this book as I thought I woulld, only a little in the chapters on Working Memory and Planning/Organizing. I also did not think this book had any novel suggestions. They all seemed like the obvious things that a consciencious parent would do, like making lists to help remember things or checking/packing backpacks in advance to get organized.

[Marissa Morrison · Rating 4 out of 5]

While this book doesn't contain any remarkable new information, it is a good compendium of commonsense advice--e.g. make written schedules for kids, provide a "cool-down" spot and teach kids that big feelings interfere with thinking, have students with difficulty following directions highlight the important words in an assignment's directions before starting the work.

[Caroline · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book to be a very helpful guide with specific recommendations on how to assist my son, who is ADHD, non-attentive-type and who also has dysgraphia, especially in the areas of homework and general organization. I would recommend this book for any parent looking for a well-written guide with advice on how to manage the daily struggles these kids (and adults!) can have.

[Janine · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a good overview. I can't say there was a lot of information that I didn't already know, but there were some good reminders. It's encouraging that people are really looking hard at how the brain works and recognizing that different people need different kinds of support to experience similar successes.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first half of this book gives a good explanation of what executive function is and how a lack of it can affect a child's behavior. The second half gives strategies to help both parents and educators. This book helped me develop language to use when talking with parents and some good ideas for helping students. Most if the ideas will seem like common sense, but are articulated well.

[Nara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another good executive skills book. Nothing revolutionary; the second half of the book basically recommends the same solution steps for multiple problems - but I found a few good, practical tidbits in it and some good pieces about dysgraphia and task initiation strategies. Worth reading if you have a kid with executive functioning issues, for sure.

[Anne Wall · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought there were some helpful tips for helping both children and adults. However, the book has to have a foundation on extensive testing for a diagnosis. I don't know how realistic that is for the average person or the average family as far as time and money. If taken in a broad sense, this book could be utilized by many people.

[Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

I never quite finished this book, but I'm hanging onto it for reference. I think it applies more towards older elementary children and middle schoolers or high schoolers, (ages 8 and above) but still very useful.

[Dan Goldman · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first half of the book is depressing. The second half is uplifting. But ultimately, it didn't present any approaches we haven't already used. Could be more useful as our son enters middle school - I expect to skim it again in another 6 months.