May I Be Happy: A Memoir of Love, Yoga, and Changing My Mind

by Cyndi Lee

“For the millions of people—especially women—who fight the fat talk in their heads, her words will be familiar and comforting.” —Associated Press

In the opening pages of her memoir, Cyndi Lee shares a surprising revelation. Despite her success as a dancer, choreographer, and yoga teacher, she was caught in a lifelong cycle of self-judgment about her body. Inspired by her students, Lee embarked on a journey of self-discovery—around the globe and within herself—and sought the counsel of knowing women, including Jamie Lee Curtis, Dr. Christiane Northrup, and Louise Hay. Applying the ancient Buddhist practice of loving-kindness meditation, Lee comes to learn that compassion is the only antidote to hate. By becoming her own best student, Lee internalizes the strength, stability, and clarity she seeks to impart.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Spirituality, Self Help, Biography, Health, College

272 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2013

About the author

Cyndi Lee is the first female Western yoga teacher to fully integrate yoga asana and Tibetan Buddhism in her practice and teaching.  In 1998, she founded the OM yoga Center in NYC, which became a mecca for yogis worldwide.  One of the most influential teachers in the U.S., Cyndi is known for her dynamic and contemplative classes, creative, safe and sane sequencing, smart and soulful teachings -- all offered in a non-competitve environment of goodness.  Be prepared to move, to apply clarity to your alignment, to watch your mind, to sweat, to stay steady, to get bored and let go, to engage and be inspired.  

When she's not on the mat and cushion, Cyndi writes.  Her newest book is the The New York Times critically acclaimed May I Be Happy: A Memoir of Love, Yoga and Changing My Mind.  Other books include Yoga Body, Buddha Mind and OM yoga: A Guide to Daily Practice.  She writes regularly for Yoga Journal, Shambhala Sun, Yoga International and Tricycle Magazine.  Cyndi is a long time student of Gelek Rimpoche.

Reviews

[sendann · Rating 1 out of 5]

If you like memoirs about women who struggle with body image and personal relationships, take yoga, get deeper into their issues, travel to India, learn a few things, and come home to some interesting conclusions, DO NOT BE FOOLED INTO READING THIS. It is just not a good addition to the genre.

I pressed on, and managed to finish within a few hours of my last update. It's quite astounding how bad this book is, consider how much promise I had thought it held. A few times, I was convinced I had some weird WIlliam S BUrroughs version where the first chapter had been chopped up into pieces, the words reconfigured in different orders yet saying the same thing over and over again. No but really, the author seems like a person with a lot to offer, but what kind of world are we living in where a book so clearly unfinished is allowed to go to print based, I assume, on the author's (vast, vast) connections with famous (famous, so, so famous) people? I love yoga/eating disorder/trip to india memoirs, check my 'read' shelf for a small plethora. But this attempt is unfinished, and it reads as though the authors journey is unfinished, and rather circular. I might like to read something by her called "wisdom for teachers', since those moments held the most substance. Reading other reactions from readers who seem to have enjoyed the book, I wonder if I'm just not the target market, and if perhaps this book is aimed at a different generation. One of inconsolable whiners with too many friends in publishing.

[Carmen · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book tried to be too many things and ultimately failed at all of them. It was 5 full disks of the author who describes herself at "naturally thin with a good metabolism" and who is a yoga teacher go on and ON about how fat she thinks she is and how she hates her body. Beyond infuriating and boring. There were only a few bits about doing or teaching yoga and FAR too much about her dying mother (and her dying mother's body).

The narrative was entirely disjointed and frustrating to follow. Ultimately, the author speaks to a nun about hating her body and the nun reminds her of some wisdom she already has and she claims that she has "changed her mind" about hating her body. Which isn't exactly true by the last CD.

If I had read the book version (vs audio) I would have skipped the dying mother parts and I might have enjoyed it more.

[Michael Blackmore · Rating 2 out of 5]

Can't say I really liked this one. There are better books about body image and better ones about yoga.

I think the most glaring problem (after the obsessive name dropping) was it just felt way too self-centered even for an autobiography. And while the author focuses on her issues it just never seems to result in real growth and change, just ever deepening obsessing with her issues.

I know some people loved it, sadly I'm not one of those. Can't really recommend it myself. Her other books look to be way better though (which I've also been told by others who shared my opinion of this one.)

[Rachel Burton · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this because Cyndi Lee is a brilliant yoga teacher. I foolishly thought this would be about yoga, about owning a studio, about balancing business & yoga.
It isn't. It's mostly about how much she hates her body. For page after page she whines on about how fat she is yet doesn't seem to do much about changing her mindset (because it is a mindset, she isn't fat).
I get it. I get that a lot of women suffer from negative body image. I just don't think this book was very helpful. Given the amazing tools yoga has to deal with our issues I was surprised by the approach.
Also, ftr, if my husband did what her's did he'd have been out on his bloody ear!

[Dara · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book, but it was way too disjointed for me. She never seems to get on track and 3/4 through, she's still talking about starting a self-help journey for herself. Almost like she's trying to pump herself up? It's very tiresome for the reader.
On the positive side, I enjoyed the sections where she recounts her teacher trainings. As a yoga student myself, I learned from her insights and analogies. I also liked reading about her discussions with friends (including Cyndi Lauper and Jamie Lee Curtis) about being a woman and how we view her bodies.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A friend in publishing who knows I'm an avid yogini passed this memoir along to me. I enjoyed it. Lee reflects on what it means to be a woman inhabiting a woman's body, and how she has struggled with her body image her whole life. While I found the inspiration for the memoir well-founded––the desire to display Lee's own insecurities in order to lessen the shame for other women that they might feel about their bodies–– I also found the dwelling on her body somewhat to my dislike, if only because it felt more therapeutic than prescriptive.

I'm not bashing the content, but I did not find much here that spoke to me that wasn't directly related to the yogic aspect (everything Lee wrote about being a teacher, being at her studio, and the nuggets of wisdom she shares with her students, I definitely read with relish). I've been blessed to not have struggled too much with body issues as a young girl or as an adult. Finding yoga in my twenties has also helped me solidify my sense of self, and I've been able to curb many small unkindnesses I may think to offer myself about my body. That's not to say I don't think Lee's memoir has nothing to offer; on the contrary. I am just not sure I was the intended audience. I'd been hoping for more related to the yoga (a la Poser or Yoga Bitch), but I was satisfied with the read overall.

[Candice]

So technically, I did not finish this book with less than 100 pages left to read but she made me so mad that I don't care. I don't understand how someone who is supposedly such a wonderful yoga instructor could be such a down right mean person. She is into fat shaming others and her own beliefs about her body image are so poor. Like I mentioned in my update, she mentioned the name of her yoga studio 3 times in the first 50 pages and the constant name dropping of celebrities pissed me off.
What made me give up on finishing this book is when she was talking about her mother's caretaker. When she says that she never saw her eat, "and we all know that is usually a sign of secret bingeing" I was done. How does she know what is going on in this woman's life. She reinforced a stereotype on this woman who spends 12 hours a day caring for her ailing mother. I am just so mad at this woman.
To me, she should be ashamed of herself and I would never support her as a yoga instructor.

[Anne · Rating 1 out of 5]

Honestly, I did not read the whole book. I have a very low threshold for reading books that don't pull my heart strings and inspire me within the first 20 pages. I found Lee's voice a bit too pretentious for my taste, and for someone who speaks about happiness, I found a lot of anger and resentment present. I can see how this book captivates people practicing yoga these days, but I found myself wondering if there is a formula publishers and editors are prescribing about what a yoga book should sound like and how it should be written? I guess, I'm a pretty tough critic, but "May I be happy" made me feel like I'd just eaten a bad piece of candy.

[Kasey Jueds · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this such a brave and moving book. Brave because the subject--Cyndi Lee's unhappy and critical relationship with her body--isn't one yoga teachers, especially famous yoga teachers, are "supposed" to have (and Lee acknowledges this). So, to not only admit to this kind of self-hatred, but to actually write a whole (smart, funny, thoughtful, compassionate) book about it, strikes me as incredibly courageous. The idea that we can't really love other people or help them to be happy unless we love ourselves in some basic ways is a cliche, but it's also true. And Lee's memoir is a study in self-compassion that ripples outward to her yoga students and her readers, too.

[Jess · Rating 1 out of 5]

To save future readers from suffering through what is incorrectly positioned as an enlightened yoga memoir about the journey toward loving yourself, here is a more apt description: Affluent, thin white woman spends 250 pages complaining about her “fat,” awful, very privileged and entitled life while simultaneously name-dropping celebrity friends, bragging about extensive travel opportunities and wasting potentially substantial interviews with other powerful, affluent, thin white women by steering every conversation back to her own problems.

Among many obvious issues this book presents, the most concerning to me is the delusional narcissism disguised as vulnerability among these pages, and the author’s lack of accountability and understanding of the serious underlying issues about eating disorders, spousal abuse and mental health that are boiling beneath the surface, but never acknowledged.

In addition — as other reviewers have mentioned — the writing and structure of the book itself seems largely unfinished and is clearly the sole result of the author’s extensive publishing connections. The first half of the book jumps back in forth in time, location and plot, with little concern for continuity or clarity. Overall, this book reads like pre-pubescent whinings more suitable to remaining in a personal diary at the back of a drawer.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

It made me think about how kind or unkind I can be to myself!! I found this book very relatable and the stories really made me pause and think. I thoroughly enjoyed it and will definitely go back to some of the passages for motivation.

[Em · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoy yoga memoirs, which is one of the reasons I purchased this book. Also, I pre-ordered this from Amazon after participating in one of Cyndi Lee's workshops and seeing how down to Earth she is.

I didn't realize the book was going to deal with body issues, because who would think a long-time and famous yoga teacher would have body issues? However, her bravery to honestly write about her own body image and acceptance struggles made me feel better about my own.

Cyndi is a gifted writer. Throughout the book, you read about her early years, her parents, her changing relationship with her mother, yoga, her marriage, her Buddhism, and so on. All of this is skillfully woven together, like a beautiful tapestry. It's a quick read, but one that's read best in pieces, allowing time for her writing to sink in and resonate with the reader.

It's a moving book, and I'm so glad I read it. To Cyndi, thank you for writing it. I look forward to reading your future books.

[Meghan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started reading this memoir by the founder of OM Yoga, and it seemed like what I expected for a while, and then there was a part where she's all talking about something that happened "... when I was on tour as a backup dancer for Cyndi Lauper" and then I was all like, huh. Maybe there's more to this than spirituality. Mostly it's grounded in thinking about women and body image, with an occasional transgression like interviewing her "dear friend" Jamie Lee Curtis, but mostly celebrity-free and thoughtful. Some of the most real parts are when she talks about what yoga really is, where helping her Parkinson's-stricken mom raise her hands in the air while taking a couple slow breaths is as fully embodied of a yoga experience as the most advanced Vinyasa contortions.

[Heather Pagano · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really spoke to me. I especially loved hearing the audio book read aloud by the author, whose voice once guided me on CD throughout my first years of yoga practice. The memoir is very personal, completely grounded in the author's experiences with negative body image. Yet it's also a more universal exploration of how to overcome self-loathing and come to peace with who you are. I could not be more impressed by how the author wrote about the many stresses going on in her life without for one minute seeming to beg the reader for sympathy. This is absolutely not a "woe is me," victimized drama. It's an attempt at making a practical roadmap to a better life, drawn by the author from her personal journey to a place of self-acceptance.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn't get enough of this book! This memoir is very real, as it combines the wisdom of a Buddhist yogi with the reality that is body image of women in America, in one woman's story. I found so many parts of the book paralleled exactly what I have been thinking about, and even learning about in my personal yoga practice, which really brought me closer to this book.

[Jennifer Pate · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is an excellent read if you, like me, need to learn how to not be so hard on yourself. Lee's body image struggle was strikingly and sadly familiar but I walked away from the book feeling renewed. And committed to expanding my yoga practice.

[Bernadette · Rating 3 out of 5]

The subject matter is so important for women that I think this is a must read. I particularly admire Cyndi Lee's honesty. I think her position as a well established yoga teacher drives home how pervasive dysfunctional relationships with our bodies really are.

[Melissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Although this book kept me turning the pages (I rarely finish 2 star books and I did finish this one), somehow it never really cohered.

[Katy O.]

DNF after 10 minutes and other reviews seem to concur. Very very self-centered and not for me.

[Xin Ru Toh · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed the memoir aspect of the book, where the writer shared her vulnerabilities as well as her relationships with her mother, husband, and yoga community. Although many reviews stated their displeasure that the writer seemed to be complaining despite her relatively privileged and accomplished background, I felt that this only highlighted the fact that may of us deal with similar issues mentally regardless of how our physically appearances and lives appear to other people. Even now, having lost 12kg, I still struggle with my body image, relationship with food and exercise, and self-esteem. Thus, I appreciated the fact that the writer tried to explore the topic of how an unhealthy mindset related to our bodies has been ingrained in many of us, especially females, since young. However, I did not enjoy the interviews she conducted as it made the book lose its focus (Was this a memoir or a piece of investigative journalism?), and unfortunately I also felt that I did not learn much at the end, such that the book did not meet my expectations.

[Genevieve · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read many of the reviews on this book. This memoir definitely has a niche audience: Yoga teachers and people with dysphoric body image. I am a yoga/mediation who admires Cyndi Lee very much. I appreciated her frank honesty in this book. As a person whose dysphoric body image is/was no worse than the average American woman, I became annoyed about midway thru the book with Cyndi's continuous return to this topic. However, she tied it up beautifully at the end.
As a yoga teacher, I appreciated how she skillfully wove her yoga class teachings. Her experience in Japan was an awakening that took her time to process. I wish I knew more about how her Mom finally passed and how she processed her husband's infidelities. I salute her for her candid self-revelations. Her writings are a blessing to all in different ways.

[Jessica Ruff · Rating 3 out of 5]

I give this three stars, but that's being kind. Written by a long-time, well respected yoga teacher, I had high hopes for this memoir. I thought I would gain insight into the author's yoga journey as a student and teacher, but instead was in for page after page of the author's complaints about her fat, aging body. I'm no stranger to body image issues, but the constant reiteration of feeling bloated while traveling, recoiling at the sight of herself in the mirror, and mourning her gray hair was tiresome at best. The whole thing felt incredibly shallow and uninspiring. The highlight of the book is when the author meets Louise Hay--that little bright spot alone made the book halfway worth reading.

[Tammy Barnardo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hmm...not sure what to think of this book. I love the yoga themes and messages, but the author seems a little scattered and ruminates about the same thoughts over and over. Since the book begins and is organized according to the three parts of vinyasa (arising, abiding, dissolving), why not have each part deal with the stages of her life?

Arising: life as a young woman with body issues.
Abiding: midlife and her relationship with her husband/mother.
Dissolving: using her yoga practice to come to a place of acceptance for those areas where she needed to heal.

It did not provide any sort of closure at the end and I'm wondering if she is still avoiding mirrors at the age of 60?

[Sheila Geisler · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked the author’s integration of yoga teaching with the dharma.
I found her struggles with not liking her body image interesting and relatable. Her journey to overcome her negative and critical thoughts was well developed and filled with humorous anecdotes. I could relate to her feelings around caring for her elderly mother and her deepening sense of closeness with her mother in the final stages of her life.

[Nikki · Rating 1 out of 5]

I love memoirs but this just didn't do it for me. I found the author whiny about her body (which I know was the point), but it was unrelatable for probably your average woman...a yogi calling her body fat. One part mentioned Jamie Lee Curtis being upset she ballooned to 160 lbs. And some of the yoga and meditation stuff was beyond my knowledge base.

[Danica · Rating 2 out of 5]

Definitely not what I expected. I listened to this through audio book and I felt that it sounded very whiny and self centered to be honest. I have read other biographies that delt with yoga and this was the only one so far that I was very disappointed with .

[Val Rich · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this on audio and found the author charming, honest, and convincing. I honestly feel happier having "read" the book. =D I'm hoping to see Cyndi Lee at Kripalu simply because I love her attitude and take on life.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was just what I needed at this time. I don’t know if non-yoga teachers would love it as much as I did, but I think yoga practitioners would enjoy it as well.

[Helen · Rating 2 out of 5]

What I liked about the book were the yoga moves and the explanation of how they helped.

[Rachel Newcomb · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author of this memoir came across as extremely self absorbed for almost the entire book, pivoting between bragging about her fame and credentials and whining about body issues. It was hard to have much sympathy for the theme of the book, which was about coming to terms with the imperfections of the body, but done in a totally absorbed, first world problem kind of way. I wanted to read more about gaining wisdom through yoga, but there wasn’t as much of that as I would have liked. Toward the end it picks up steam, delivers some yoga wisdom and a dose of some humility, but it definitely took a while to get there.