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263 pages, Hardcover
First published April 8, 2014

“It looks like it’s got a current,” she said with wonder, looking at Jacinta.And they cry over fucking Hermès bags.
“It does,” Jacinta said. “You should come over to swim. Or just to float.”
“I’ll come every day,” Delilah said, and she almost sounded as if she really meant it.
On the shelves was a series of similar-looking handbags in a rainbow of colors. Delilah seemed bowled over. She stared at the bags, her blue eyes filling with tears.
“They’re—they’re so beautiful,” she said softly, her voice catching a little. “They’re all Birkins, aren’t they?”


I came home from Chicago like a raw-nosed girl crawls sickly and gratefully to her bed at 7 a.m. after a night-long coke and booze bender, wiping snot off her face and bile off a pair of lips she can’t feel. And if you think I’m too young to know what that looks like, you’ve probably never been seventeen years old and spent a summer in the Estate Section in the Hamptons.This book mirrors The Great Gatsby, using a bunch of alcohol-drinking, coke-snorting trust fund brats. Naomi (~Nick Carraway) is the new-money daughter of a Martha Stewart wannabe (she hates her mother). Doomed *sigh* to spend the summer in the East Hamptons, or the wealthiest stretch of land in the US where the ultra-rich spends their summers, or rather, "summers" as a verb. If only we were all so unlucky.
...Republican senator’s ridiculously beautiful (but, I’ll admit, shockingly nice) fledgling model daughter....her boyfriend Teddy (~Tom Buchanan), and their friend Jeff (Jordan Baker) joins their merry band. Jordan eventually meets Jacinta (~Jay Gatsby) at one of her parties. Jacinta...
"I guess she’s famous? Like she writes this famous blog?”...is a fashion blogger, who is oddly enamored with Delilah. For no fucking reason, they start developing a relationship.
At times I’d catch them staring at each other with what I could only describe as longing. Something was developing between them that went beyond friendship.Which proceed to an extent where Jacinta starts making dumb fucking romantic plans the way only silly pampered teenagers who can't see beyond their surgically-enhanced noses could.
“...and we’ll have a garden in the backyard to grow some of our food, and of course, if she wants to go to college, she can go to NYU or Columbia, and I’ll keep up with my blog and I’ll be much closer to the designers, being in New York instead of Florida.”Honestly, the events in this book pretty much parallels The Great Gatsby, with similar characters. There's the girlfriend on the side, Misti (~Myrtle Wilson) a Jersey (or rather, Joisey) girl, and her husband Giovanni (~George Wilson). There are similar events. There are similar revelations.
“Um,” I tried again. “Isn’t—I mean—we usually go the other way. To East Hampton. When we drive there. I don’t mean you and me, because this is the first time I’ve met you. I just mean, you know, me and whoever is driving me. Which is usually someone I’ve never met before."Meet Naomi, our narrator. She is an idiot.

“I heard she’s a distant cousin of Prince William."Jacinta is our mysterious Jay Gatsby. The wealthy girl with a secret. Gatsby, with all the artificiality and none of the charisma. Jay Gatsby is famous for being a millionaire, Jacinta is famous for being a fashion blogger on her website, thewanted.com. She's pretentious, we can smell her artificiality a mile away. She refers to everyone as "love," and there is zero depth to her whatsoever.
“She’s definitely not American—you can tell she’s trying to hide an accent,” a boy in a peach bow tie said to his date (a boy with whom he was holding hands).
“She’s soooooo thin,” a tiny girl in pink ballet flats said to her friend. “I mean, like thinner than L.A. thin.”
“Her parents are dead,” a drunk guy announced to no one in particular. “She’s this orphan heiress.”
“Well, that’s the whole point, love,” Jacinta said. “Fun. I want everyone to have the most fun they’ve ever had in their entire lives. I want it to just be the most perfect party, the most perfect summer. For everyone.”Her background is unclear (GASP), and there are really obvious hints that Jacinta's not who she says she is. The hints are as subtle as pairing red plaid leggings with a blue-and-white navy striped top.
“So where did you grow up?”Hints. All over the fucking place. And our dumb-as-dirt narrator never fucking trusts her instincts.
“Oh, everywhere. All over. Too many places to name,” she replied, and I immediately felt the ember of suspicion in my mind. Given my question, most people would proudly rattle off a list of cities to prove how well traveled they were. Either Jacinta was just humble or she was lying.
She is a walking, talking, living, sexy Barbie doll, if Barbie enjoyed skiing in Aspen, shopping in Paris, and smoking copious amounts of marijuana.In The Great Gatsby, Daisy is a lovely, effervescent character. In this book, her version is less effervescent than well, constantly high. She may be beautiful and nice, but Delilah is as smart as pile of poop excreted from a Kardashian. Those quotes from the beginning of my review? That's from Delilah.
Six feet tall with light brown hair, broad shoulders, and one of those heroic square jaws, Teddy was the kind of thick-necked handsome that starts to get paunchy in college unless it is continually worked out by university-level athletic competition.Pretty similar to Tom. He's a former child-star who's also the heir to a wealthy oil family. He's a rude ass, a philanderer who cheats on the lovely Delilah with cocktail waitress Misti.

.”’That place at the beach with all your mother’s fancy friends- it’s another world. I’m not saying it’s a bad one. It’s just different. But whether you’re in this world or that one, you still have to live with yourself. Remember that you can’t be one person in one place and a totally different person in another place. Right is right and wrong is wrong, no matter where you are.”A sizzling, contemporary retelling of F. Scott Fitzgerald's timeless classic The Great Gatsby, emotions come to head, secrets will be revealed and betrayal runs rampant under a scorched, hot Hampton summer.
”’What’s a PI?’ I asked, even though I didn’t really want to find out.”Has she not watched any crime shows? Read any newspapers?
”What I remember most about Jacinta is her eyes- those enormous green orbs flashing joy and pain and longing from that impossibly delicate face. They were always so full of hope- irrational, astonishing, sometimes even irritating hope. ”Jacinta Trimalcho doesn't have the same ring to it as Jay Gatsby, for starters. Too much of a tongue twister for one thing. The best way to describe Jacinta? A blonde pixie like version of Kim Kartrashain (without the ginourmous butt or watermelon boobs). All she does is post photos of herself on the internet for all her followers to see. And apparently that makes her rich. Exciting right? Snore... where's the exciting illegal activity? The author could have really capitalized on that and made it more reflective on modern times. Like, I don't know, illegal cocaine or drugs or something like that.
”I thought he had the peculiar feigned ease of a rich person talking to a less-than. It’s not condescension, exactly. It’s like there’s this knowledge hanging in the air that one person has more power than the other, and we’re supposed to pretend everything is nice and normal and equal, but in reality, lack or chance has showered benefits on one person that the other person couldn’t dream of.”I don't know what Naomi saw in him that made him so desirable, but she must have seen something. I sure didn't. Other than the fact that he's Teddy's right hand wingman. The very least the author could have done is brought a little of the Hampton's scandal into his life. Like cheating at a golf game. Haven't heard of that one before :cough: Jordan Baker :cough:
”Teddy was the kind of thick-necked handsome that starts to get paunchy in college unless it is continually worked out by university-level athletic competition.”I didn't feel scared or intimidated; I just shook my head at the amount of stupid it created to create Teddy.
”Delilah is a walking, talking, living, sexy Barbie doll, if Barbie enjoyed skiing in Aspen, shopping in Paris, and smoking copious amounts of marijuana.”Daisy was dumb to the point that it was almost adorable. Delilah was dumb to the point that I wondered if we have failed as a human species.NOTHING that came out of her mouth was intelligent. She was a walking, talking life size Barbie doll. She was the Paris Hilton of the Hamptons, and if I ever had the displeasure of being her best friend, I would come back four times less intelligent than what I was before. She's that dumb.
”Skags and I have been best friends since we were in kindergarten. She’s this boyish lesbian (she says she rocks the ‘boi’ look, but that spelling really annoys me.)”The author write these subtle putdowns of lesbians and makes them into absolutely horrible stereotypes. Even the very last line of the novel is a putdown of the LGBTQA+ community. She may have thought that was humorous, but I feel that the portrayal of lesbian characters in this book was incredibly insulting.
”Something was developing between them that went beyond friendship. It was like they got high off each other, and every mutual encounter was another chance to feel some sort of pleasure that was very specific to their union.”I appreciate what the author was trying to do, but it failed miserably. Why? There was absolutely zero chemistry between the two. They make Bella and Edward look like the Couple of the Year. My posters of Benedict Cumberbatch, Theo James, and Dylan O'Brien would have a better three-way makeout session than these two. It was completely unnecessary to even include that plot device. If the author was planning to do a retelling, I would have recommended to not to the lesbian twist in the first place. And if the author WAS going to keep the lesbian plot twist, than at LEAST give us some chemistry between the two lovers. Not to mention the whole backstory between the Delilah and Jacinta and how they knew each other made no sense whatsoever. Is she trying to tell me they've loved each other since they were five? It just felt so out of place.