Blinders Keepers

by John Rachel

Collapse, chaos, confusion, rioting, looting.

And that's the good news!

America is coming apart and the President can do nothing to stop it.

But 23-year-old Noah Tass has his own problems. Stuck his entire life in the hayseed capital of the Bible Belt after his father abandoned him 18 years ago, he has no future, all his friends are losers, his job is a dead end, his mother is stark raving mad, and his sister is a meth head stripper.

It was time to bail! Time to strike out a new path, to discover America, and kick start his life. Noah leaves Missouri and for a year truly experiences the adventure of a lifetime.

But the country is one big loony bin and he ends up in the sock puppet theater of contemporary American life, inhabited by a deranged blundering president, brutal agents of the ATF, FBI and NSA — men who kill first and ask questions later — and an underground of wild and wacky but endearing freaks who are trying to overthrow the existing order.

Blinders Keepers is social-political satire in the tradition of Jonathan Swift, Kurt Vonnegut and Joseph Heller, but revved up and spit-shined to take on the historic new levels of absurdity and dysfunction of the 21st Century. It is one young man's laugh-out-loud struggle to survive the epic disintegration of the American Dream.

Genres: Fiction

184 pages, Paperback

First published May 29, 2013

About the author

John Rachel has a B. A. in Philosophy, has traveled extensively, is a songwriter and music producer, and an evolutionary humanist. He has spent his life trying to resolve the intrinsic clash between the metaphysical purity of Buddhism and the overwhelming appeal of narcissism.

Author Rachel has written ten novels, and eight non-fiction books. He has also had over 40 short stories, 9 poems, and over 200 political articles published in both print and online magazines.

He has traveled through and lived in 35 countries since leaving America August of 2006, but is now settled in a small traditional farming village in Japan near Osaka. His next project, as he slumps in a hammock he purchased in Vietnam and waits for the Good Ship Lollipop to appear on the horizon, is a anthropological novel about the worship and eating of giraffes, set in sub-Saharan 18th Century Africa. It is mostly the product of the voices in his head which have plagued him since puberty, a biological transition that occurred when he was 34 and working on a chain gang in Arkansas. He was at the time serving a 10-year sentence for destroying the do-not-remove label from a pillowcase he bought at a yard sale.

Author Rachel has recently published two books. One is a fantasy/travel/cookbook called "What Do Mermaids Eat?" The other is political manifesto called "War Is Making Us Poor!: Militarism Is Destroying the US".

The author’s last permanent residence in America was Portland, Oregon where he had a state-of-the-art ProTools recording studio, music production house, a radio promotion and music publishing company. He recorded and produced several artists in the Pacific Northwest, releasing and promoting their music on radio across America and overseas.

John Rachel now lives in a quiet, traditional, rural Japanese community, where he sets his non-existent watch by the thrice-daily ringing of temple bells, at a local Shinto shrine. These days, he's mostly immersed in good vibrations.

Reviews

[John Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my latest novel. With humility and total objectivity, I think it is the greatest book written since Franz Kafka started doing standup comedy. I will be shocked if it doesn't replace the Bible as the best selling novel in history. Of course, it has fewer characters than the Bible and does not feature God, who I wanted to include but couldn't because His lawyers refused to give me rights to His story. But this should be a plus, considering what an unwieldy mess the Holy Book is. Talk about needing an editor!

This will be my last work of dark satire for a while. I'm trying to convince the board here that I am rehabilitated and should be given at least some grounds privileges. This padded cell is really confining, even with the leggos and the 5000 piece Andromeda Nebula puzzle. I can't even get a signal with my iPhone 5, which probably doesn't matter since they have the battery stored in a safe with my wallet and my Justin Bieber fan club membership card.

So ... what's the inside scoop on "Blinder Keepers"?

For those doubters and naysayers out there, here's the John Rachel challenge. BUY this book. You have nothing to lose! Seriously. If you do not like "Blinders Keepers", I'm willing to man up here. Just return the unread portion of the book and I'll return the unused portion of your money. Can I be any fairer than that?

I think not!

[Dianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good Satire is like cleaning out your mind, organizing your thoughts and then adding dance music and a laugh track to them! It says what we think, sees what we see and unlike the Emperor with his new clothes, it tells thing like they are, albeit just a little skewed, with a whole lot of attitude!
John Rachel’s BLINDERS KEEPERS is good satire told by a great storyteller who is an equal opportunity satirist!

Follow young Noah, who is not the sharpest pencil in the box, not the most ambitious guy out there, but he is our main character and his misadventures are the things misunderstandings are made of. Go ahead, do it. Misinformation, assuming without the facts, the list goes on as Noah becomes a hunted man on the run. Was it a plethora of bad choices, being at the wrong place at the wrong time, was he set up to fall or did the government just need a puppet to manipulate? Could he be the poster child for all that is not right in this country?

Noah’s life has become a challenge to stay one step ahead of the monster hiding in the shadows. His journey includes a myriad of quirky characters, all on some sort of mission, all able to manipulate our Noah bringing him over to their beliefs, their causes and actually opening his eyes to the world around him. Perhaps Noah will learn to be the manipulator, the one to challenge our own beliefs when seeing the world and this country through his unique view. As Noah crosses the miles, his companions may change, but the humor never ends as, like an onion, each layer of life in a land once revered as great now seems to become odorous and as tear causing as that poor onion.

John Rachel shows all of his cards, plays his writing hand well and invites the world to see what he sees through the story he tells. You will laugh, for the joy of being entertained or to hold back the tears of this quirky, yet jarring tale! Brilliant story-telling, tongue-in-cheek writing and a character that begs to be met, up close and personal. Mr. Rachel has a winner that is both sobering and amusing at the same time. If you do not see yourself or your attitude at least once on these pages, you need to look harder!

I received this copy from John Rachel in exchange for my honest review.

Publisher: Literary Vagabond Books; 2nd edition (December 14, 2015)
Publication Date: December 14, 2015
Genre: Political Satire | Dystopian
Print Length: 184 pages
Available from: Amazon |  Barnes & Noble
For Reviews & More: http://tometender.blogspot.com

[Arlena · Rating 5 out of 5]

Title: Blinders Keepers
Author: John Rachel
Publisher: Literary Vagabond Book
Reviewed By: Arlena Dean
Rating: Five
Review:

"Blinders Keepers" by John Rachel

My Thoughts...

Wow, this author never disappoints...he knows how to keep your attention as he did with this satire read. There was a good opening, plot, with hilarious humor[laugh out loud], metaphors, insanity, adventure,surprises, political atmosphere of the white house...as we are given this satire of this 'young man [Noah]with one idealistic mindset of it will all come out in the wash.' What a journey this was for this young man who will leave his hometown in Missouri and end up getting mixed up accidentally that propelled him into being a fugitive. My thoughts about what was going on with Noah was that the 'root of all of his travails was just one study misunderstanding!' We find Noah is being sort after by every intelligence agency in the country.

The secondary characters are for the most part down right entertaining that will definitely keep you turning the pages so see what is going on next.

This is one story that the reader will see that almost nothing and no one seems to be who they are. Definitely the reader will be left in a thought provoking state. Now, I will stop here and just say this is one you will have to pick up and see for yourself how well this author brings it all out to the reader.

Be ready for a long read that will have you switching around from scenes to scenes with characters that will have 'things to say in quite a memorable way.' In the end "Blinders Keepers" was just a well written novel for one to sit back and let the insanity unfold.

Thank you to the author for letting me read your novel and my giving a honest opinion of the read.

[Gerald · Rating 5 out of 5]

The dystopian picaresque novel is alive and well! Blinders Keepers is a fugitive quest set in the near future in an America none of us would want. In its futurist setting, it aligns with 1984, Brave New World, and The Handmaid's Tale, all cautionary stories about how bad things might get if we don't wake up and smell the decaf.

Wrongly accused of perpetrating a terrorist act, young protagonist Noah Tass embarks on a cross-country journey -- first to get out of boring Dodge, then to simply dodge john law. In running from the Feds, Noah burrows ever deeper into a new Underground, which is populated with disaffected types, whose agendas and socio-economic circumstances all seem different. But they are united in their opposition to the Man and the ominous encroachment of Big Government on what few freedoms the Little Guys still covet.

So the book's antecedents here are the Beat Generation, the Hippies, the Yippies, and the drop-outs, along with the more radical and somewhat more violent groups such as the Panthers, the Weathermen, and the domestic militias. Ironically, Noah's status as cult hero (even though wrongly accused) makes him new best friends with all such unhappy folks.

Critics will say it's episodic. Well, so was Forrest Gump, so get over it.

If your own personal or political unease craves company in a noirish narrative about how wrong things could go, you'll find commiseration here. As for me, I'd say the glass is half full, but I suspect Mr. Rachel would start his measurements at the top of the glass, so high were his ideals (and perhaps his patriotism) before he got, well, disaffected.

[Al · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although never explicitly stated, Blinders Keepers is set in contemporary times, call it the very near future. It’s satirical and definitely has its moments. For example, the sitting President of the US can string together clichés while saying nothing as well as any politician you’ve ever seen. Or the description of an odor as “unlike anything Noah had ever encountered, having never exhumed a person from a grave or stuck his head inside the bloated anus of a cow that had been rotting in the sun for several weeks.”

However, it also has some issues. A fair number of errors that weren't caught in proofreading is one. Mysterious happenings around the country and massive social changes occurring in a short amount of time that stretched my ability to suspend disbelief without more explanation or justification for how they were happening. Eventually I managed to just take it on faith and go with the story, but it was a struggle to get there. There were minor issues as well including stating that it was “supposed to be impossible” to determine your approximate location if you visited a website. This is actually fairly trivial and has been for some time. Or the protagonist knowing that something was fake with no way for him to have figured that out. However, by its nature, I think satire gets more leeway than most genres in straying from reality and by the last half of the book I was engrossed in Noah’s adventure in spite of the flaws.

**Originally written for "Books and Pals" book blog. May have received a free review copy. **

[Jobie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is exceptionally well written. Superbly interesting with twists and humor that makes you think about the commonly accepted realities of our lives. John Rachel pounds out such amazing analogies and ridiculous realism, it is easy to get lost in his satirical world.

Extremely funny, wonderful plot, wonderful comments on life. You will laugh and cringe all in the same note. The absurdities are told in such hilarious detail that I couldn't help but laugh out loud and draw stares from strangers in our deli during my breaks. (I'd look up daring them to ask me what was so funny.)

If you would like to have your belief structures and social conventions challenged by one of the new voices around, I highly recommend this book. If you want to be a spoon-fed conventional blubber, stick with the bestseller list.

[John Brooke · Rating 5 out of 5]

As I stated before finishing this book, brillant.

Faciinating to read. Packed to the hilt with similies, maetaphors, humor, satire, insanity, cruelity, parody, sex, power, and the plain truth of our world situation.

The author recapitualtes a cartoon scene from within the beginning of the story giving it an entirely different ending. A surprise reversal that mirrors how our present desolate state of affairs can change. This book sure tickled my funny bone, the final scene is indelibly stamped in my consciousness.

[Jennie Rosenblum · Rating 4 out of 5]

Satire at its best. The intertwining of Noah's adventures along with the political atmosphere of the white house has an intriguing pull that makes you just want to keep reading. I thoroughly enjoyed this novel and found myself reading sections to my husband and friends. It led to some great discussions. Will definitely be reading more by this author.

[Christopher Trader · Rating 2 out of 5]

Overly forced pop culture references everywhere. Plot holes, not to mention parts of the plot just being unrealistic. Very cliched phrasing.

[Kasandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was offered a free copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.

I had fun reading this book. I was torn between a 3 and a 4 star rating. I think a book that makes a statement about the government and its awful way of handling itself combined with terrorism, violence, broken economy all wrapped up in a nice coat of satire makes for an interesting read.

While I liked the overall writing style and the feel of the story there are some rough parts. There are parts of the story where the flow is a little off. I really liked the mix of Noah's story interchanging with parts about the government/media/ what's going on else where segments, but sometimes the placement seems off. Noah is traveling by car and he briefly mentions how expensive gas is. I would have preferred seeing a spike in the prices earlier on like near 20 bucks a gallon. Rachel does mention a little later on that this how bad things are, but I think the placement feels off, already being informed in Noah's story, the state of things on a national level seems almost redundant. If this part was before then all we had to know was the total Noah had spent before the car stops working.

What are people doing? I mean actually doing. We know inflation and the horrible change to the gold standard really messed things up, I would have liked to know what people were doing, other than seeing unemployment rates up high. Were they still even working at this point? Did the number of house fires increase due to people trying to cook in their houses for the first time instead of going out for dinner? Did they pull granny off her meds and send her on her merry way? I think they could have been a short segment on random things like this (Think Stephen King's the Stand where he spends a chapter telling of how people survive the illness only to die weird ways). I really liked the segment that was like the short newspaper clips on of bad news in the US. I would have enjoyed more of this scattered in the book, especially because it ties it all together. This Segment in the story really doesn't fit with anything else but I still really liked it.

However, I think the part of the story that I really didn't get had to be all the pop culture references... I really don't think all these references fit at all in this story. Not only does it feel really dated (as in in 5 years will the media still be so hyped up on Kim Kardashian?) but it also, it just doesn't make sense. Noah is from Nowhere Missouri, who gets in a crowd of sorta hippies, druggies, anarchists, etc. None of the people would makes jokes and metaphors based on celebrities but the author is? There are just so many of these little jokes that fall flat. I think these jokes could have been more purposeful and made a statement being satirical on the situation. Maybe Rachel was trying to make a joke that when everything falls to utter crap we still think about our celebrities, but I just didn't get that feeling at all. Especially since the dialogue of the story is void of this type of talk.

The Story of Noah is interesting and felt real. The people he meets have depth to them but you're not bogged down by the language of the text or descriptions. This book makes a big statement and it feels real. You can sense an impending doom to Noah / the US that gets closer and closer as the story gets more bizarre. I wished the story had been longer because I had been really vested in Noah and seeing what the government was going to do next. And I think the story could have been longer without it becoming overbearing or boring.

I spent a lot of space with my 2-3 complainants but they are rather minor parts to the story as a whole. Just because I have placement issues or would have wanted more newspaper like stories is minor. The story is strong and Rachel is a talent writer. I've read books that you can just tell the author has put everything into the story, and it's not good. This is nothing like that, the structure of the story has a solid start and continues to grow. I laughed aloud and I felt sorrow. And lots of anger. And the absurd story is funny but true. It has a lovely flow of satire where your laughter makes you cringe.


My rating: I liked this book better than my other 3 star rated books, such as On the Road by Jack Kerouac but it didn't captivate me like my 4 star rated book Jailbird by Kurt Vonnegut. And incidentally this book is a nice mix of both stories. This story falls more in the middle of a 3.5. But because it has it's a unique story and I read it so near 9/11 and the relevance this story has to our "post 9/11 world" I decided to round up to a 4.


A quick fun read, so give it a try!

[Jay · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book for free, in exchange for an honest review.
I almost gave 'Blinders Keepers' a 3, but there are aspects of this book that deserve to be read. The story is gripping from the start- in fact some of the best passages in the book come before the plot even happens, as John Rachel builds Noah a believable life and set of friends. Noah is a good protagonist, dazed and unaware of his surroundings a lot of the time and as things start going wrong for him there are some genuinely laugh out loud moments- as well as some quite horrible ones.

The author is extremely good at humorous writing- there are many similes and descriptive passages that raise a chuckle and a lot of dialogue that had me sniggering like an idiot, during the story of Noah and the people he meets the satire works reasonably well. The reason the book loses a star and half is the sub-plot(s) that barge their way into the foreground every few passages and make the whole thing disjointed.

Before I start the negatives, I am aware that it may be a cultural difference or matter of personal taste that prevented me from enjoying certain aspects of this book. I found the satire to be extremely heavy handed, with each point laboured repeatedly in a variety of ways which begin as amusing but quickly suffer from the law of diminishing returns. There is a disconnect between the world portrayed in the protagonists story and the one portrayed in the satirical asides (which reminded me of the Guide entries in the much lamented non-Adams Hitchhikers Guide entry "...and another thing"). Had the interviews with the president and tales of mass unemployment and starvation affected Noah and co at any point it would have worked for me, but it seemed for a large part that there were two alternate versions of America being described- one where security is ridiculously heightened and one where everybody is on the verge of death. The fact that the government utterly incompetent at everything yet capable of running an all powerful national security system just added to the feel of disjointedness.

I would love to see this re-edited so that the pages of exposition about the world Noah lives in were incorporated into his story as news reports or overheard conversations- I couldn't help thinking the meetings with the President (which were laugh out loud funny) would have been funnier had they been on TV without the Presidents knowledge. Also have Noah be affected by the mass poverty described.

John Rachel is a brilliant writer, and for the majority of Blinders Keepers this shines through- the only thing that lets it down is the editing

[Robert Graves · Rating 3 out of 5]

OK, this is a very difficult book for me to rate. To boil it down: this is a book with something important to say, but sometimes it's too busy making wise-cracks about American society to say it. I do love satire, and Blinder-Keepers is a fine piece of satire. However, at times the satire is a disservice to the story; that is, sometimes the book is too clever for the good of its own plot. At times it is an absorbing, page-turning read, and at others, well, I'm not sure how to phrase it. It's not bad, but sometimes I just had to shake my head and put the book down. Nonetheless, I was compelled to see the book through because it has too many "story questions" and poignant moments not to pick back up.

OK -- SPOILERS: The Year is 2016. The President of the USA is an unnamed jack ass (I guess since he's up for re-election in 2016, we can think of this as an alternate universe in which Mitt Romney won in 2012). The nation is very much in the sad shape it is today, only more so.

Blinders-Keepers is a road novel that follows the misadventures of Noah Tass, a young yokel from Missouri with a severe case of wanderlust. Through a set of funny, if improbable, circumstances he becomes a wanted terrorist after he narrowly escapes a bus bombing in order to get away from a the wretched smell of the pig farmer who has the seat beside him. Cameras catch him running away as the bus blows-up. This sets Noah on a journey through America's revolutionary subcultures. As he crisscrosses the nation, he receives cryptic notes from his estranged father who bolted when he was still a kid. He encounters several characters that have archetypal resonance, including a queen beekeeper; a scrawny, drug-addled, economic terrorist who calls himself Element; and my favorite, Clarence Wills, a big-hearted black guy with an infectious smile and indefatigable happiness.

I don't want to give too much away, but in the end, Noah has an executive seat to the faked destruction of a fake ELE asteroid that the President has dreamed-up as a way to shake the nation and the economy out of its gold-standard and desensitization induced doldrums. And, of course, Noah finally comes face-to-face with his estranged father (who is not the President).

This is John Rachel's third novel, but I believe it is his first satire, and as a huge fan of literary satirists Kurt Vonnegut and John Barth, I see a lot of potential displayed in Blinders-Keepers. Maybe Mr. Rachel has found his "home base" genre?

[David Wayne · Rating 5 out of 5]

***THE GREAT MODERN NOVEL IS ALIVE & WELL!***

As the author wrote:

With humility and total objectivity, I think it is the greatest book written since Franz Kafka started doing standup comedy. I will be shocked if it doesn't replace the Bible as the best selling novel in history. Of course, it has fewer characters than the Bible and does not feature God, who I wanted to include but couldn't because His lawyers refused to give me rights to His story. But this should be a plus, considering what an unwieldy mess the Holy Book is. Talk about needing an editor!

This will be my last work of dark satire for a while. I'm trying to convince the board here that I am rehabilitated and should be given at least some grounds privileges. This padded cell is really confining, even with the leggos and the 5000 piece Andromeda Nebula puzzle. I can't even get a signal with my iPhone 5, which probably doesn't matter since they have the battery stored in a safe with my wallet and my Justin Bieber fan club membership card.

So ... what's the inside scoop on "Blinder Keepers"?

For those doubters and naysayers out there, here's the John Rachel challenge. BUY this book. You have nothing to lose! Seriously. If you do not like "Blinders Keepers", I'm willing to man up here. Just return the unread portion of the book and I'll return the unused portion of your money. Can I be any fairer than that?

[Mad Giles (Giles A. Madding) · Rating 4 out of 5]

That’s The Ameri-can Way People

4.5 Stars

I was so close to giving this one five stars that I am still questioning my decision as I type this. If not for a few more technical than anything else nitpicks that would pull take me out of the story just long enough for me to notice, I would definite give this novel the full five stars.

This book turned out to be one of the most pleasant surprises that I have had in my recent readings. The writing is crisp and very witty. The author seemed to easily paint a picture that you couldn’t help but experience, even the scenes you might not to, without bogging down the pace with long passages of description. There are several laugh out loud moments which might garner you some strange looks if you’re in public … or some dirty looks from cats that you’ve woken, as was in my case. For me, the President stole the show.


This book is a strange trip with a motley crew of characters you might not soon forget.

*** I received this book from the author in exchange for an honest review. ***

[Georgianna Price · Rating 4 out of 5]

Blinders Keepers is an interesting book. Somewhere between Idiocracy and a good Christopher Moore book, we're taken on an unforgettable joyride all over the country, which just happens to be falling apart. The main character, a guy named Noah, is on the run for a crime he didn't commit and it seems as if every intelligence agency in the country is after him. The supporting cast is full of crazy characters that we couldn't make up if we tried but would probably love to have in our lives.

The book does make a ton of pop culture references, but they just serve to give us a jumping off point. In Blinders Keepers, almost nothing and no one are what they seem.

I found the book to be incredibly entertaining and thought provoking at the same time. I found myself wondering if this is what we have to look forward to as our economy and the general state of the country starts running off the rails.

[Ray Cerrone · Rating 1 out of 5]

I think I skipped every-other word just to get through this book.

Not sure I could even tell you what it is about. It made little or no sense and was completely unbelievable.

Save your money and time.

If I could get a refund I would.

[Marisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

A well written, well thought out satire which had me by turns laughing and shaking my head.

*I recieved this book for free through Goodreads First Reads*

[Edward Wolfe]

35% in and it just doesn't seem to have any plot. It's like a pre-apocalypse road-trip.