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Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You've Always Wanted
Couples can make love last, says psychotherapist and clinical social worker Marcia Naomi Berger. They just need to learn how. Her prescription is deceptively have an interruption-free thirty-minute (or even shorter) meeting each week and follow an agenda that includes the kind of appreciation and planning for fun that foster intimacy and pave the way for collaborative conflict resolution. With this book, you’ll learn how to effectively communicate and connect with your spouse each week, and for a lifetime, with step-by-step guidelines that walk you through the four parts of a marriage expressing appreciation, coordinating chores, planning for good times, and resolving problems. Inspiring real-life stories demonstrate how transformative these brief meetings can be. The communication tips and techniques Berger has gleaned from helping hundreds of couples will guide you toward a deeper, more lasting love.
232 pages, Paperback
First published January 15, 2014
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March 6, 2014
In her book, Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted, author and therapist Marcia Naomi Berger asserts that great marriages are set apart from okay ones by the quality of love and depth of intimacy that spouses share. She purposes to help couples enhance the quality of their time together with weekly marriage meetings, resulting in both stronger and happier marriage.
Berger’s marriage meetings consist of four parts. During “Appreciation,” spouses take uninterrupted turns sharing what they appreciated about their partner during the previous week. “Chores” focuses on teamwork as couples share what needs to be done, set priorities and guidelines, and decide who will do each task. “Plan for Good Times” sees spouses planning dates, which fosters romance and intimacy. It may also include scheduling family time and individual activities. “Problems and Challenges” allows each spouse to bring up concerns. Then spouses resolve issues together with kindness and respect.
Throughout the book, Berger offers countless practical suggestions and guidelines for marriage meetings. She also debunks some common marriage myths and offers ideas for developing healthy communication and conflict resolution skills.
Of course, the big question is: Do marriage meetings work? Berger claims that half the couples who attended her marriage meeting workshops continued meetings after the workshop, and “every one of those couples reported a happier, more loving relationship.”
Honestly, I review Christian books, but this book caught my attention because it addresses issues that so many marriages today lack: the quality of love and depth of intimacy necessary to withstand the difficulties of life. In fact, many today don’t even believe in the sanctity of marriage. I do. So when the author took this stance in her introduction, I knew this was one secular book I could recommend. She said, “I believe in marriage. Some people, disillusioned with high divorce rates and unhappy unions, claim that marriage is obsolete. But now, like never before, you can create the marriage you’ve always wanted, a fulfilling one that fosters vitality and growth in both of you.”
The whole concept of a marriage meeting resonates with me. I look forward to implementing marriage meetings in my own marriage and seeing our love and intimacy grow. And even if my husband and I don’t begin marriage meetings straight away, I know I’ll benefit every day from some of the author’s strategies for communication—using I-statements, responding instead of reacting, and practicing active listening. I know the practical exercises Berger suggests for each the parts of the marriage meeting will also help me to better communicate with my husband.
All in all, this is a great book to help couples foster a stronger, deeper, more loving relationship. I highly recommend it whether you’re newly married or you’ve been married for a long time. No marriage is perfect, and good marriages take work. This practical, helpful book can help spouses take a weak marriage and strengthen it, or it can help make a good marriage great.
About the Author:
Marcia Naomi Berger (née Fisch), MSW, LCSW, leads dynamic marriage and communication workshops and is a popular speaker at conferences. In addition to working as a clinical social worker with a private psychotherapy practice in San Rafael, California, she teaches continuing education classes for psychotherapists and counselors at the University of California Berkeley Extension and Alliant International University in San Francisco.
Marcia Naomi Berger lives in Marin County, California, with her husband, David Berger. She gives their weekly marriage meetings major credit for their happiness together and for her passion to share this tool with couples everywhere.
She may be contacted through her website, www.marriagemeetings.com.
*Note: I received a copy of the book from the publisher for this review. However, the opinions expressed are my own.
Berger’s marriage meetings consist of four parts. During “Appreciation,” spouses take uninterrupted turns sharing what they appreciated about their partner during the previous week. “Chores” focuses on teamwork as couples share what needs to be done, set priorities and guidelines, and decide who will do each task. “Plan for Good Times” sees spouses planning dates, which fosters romance and intimacy. It may also include scheduling family time and individual activities. “Problems and Challenges” allows each spouse to bring up concerns. Then spouses resolve issues together with kindness and respect.
Throughout the book, Berger offers countless practical suggestions and guidelines for marriage meetings. She also debunks some common marriage myths and offers ideas for developing healthy communication and conflict resolution skills.
Of course, the big question is: Do marriage meetings work? Berger claims that half the couples who attended her marriage meeting workshops continued meetings after the workshop, and “every one of those couples reported a happier, more loving relationship.”
Honestly, I review Christian books, but this book caught my attention because it addresses issues that so many marriages today lack: the quality of love and depth of intimacy necessary to withstand the difficulties of life. In fact, many today don’t even believe in the sanctity of marriage. I do. So when the author took this stance in her introduction, I knew this was one secular book I could recommend. She said, “I believe in marriage. Some people, disillusioned with high divorce rates and unhappy unions, claim that marriage is obsolete. But now, like never before, you can create the marriage you’ve always wanted, a fulfilling one that fosters vitality and growth in both of you.”
The whole concept of a marriage meeting resonates with me. I look forward to implementing marriage meetings in my own marriage and seeing our love and intimacy grow. And even if my husband and I don’t begin marriage meetings straight away, I know I’ll benefit every day from some of the author’s strategies for communication—using I-statements, responding instead of reacting, and practicing active listening. I know the practical exercises Berger suggests for each the parts of the marriage meeting will also help me to better communicate with my husband.
All in all, this is a great book to help couples foster a stronger, deeper, more loving relationship. I highly recommend it whether you’re newly married or you’ve been married for a long time. No marriage is perfect, and good marriages take work. This practical, helpful book can help spouses take a weak marriage and strengthen it, or it can help make a good marriage great.
About the Author:
Marcia Naomi Berger (née Fisch), MSW, LCSW, leads dynamic marriage and communication workshops and is a popular speaker at conferences. In addition to working as a clinical social worker with a private psychotherapy practice in San Rafael, California, she teaches continuing education classes for psychotherapists and counselors at the University of California Berkeley Extension and Alliant International University in San Francisco.
Marcia Naomi Berger lives in Marin County, California, with her husband, David Berger. She gives their weekly marriage meetings major credit for their happiness together and for her passion to share this tool with couples everywhere.
She may be contacted through her website, www.marriagemeetings.com.
*Note: I received a copy of the book from the publisher for this review. However, the opinions expressed are my own.
July 4, 2014
I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. The original review in on GenuineJenn.com
This was a great book for any couple, married or common law. This isn't a book just for the struggling relationship, this is a book for everyone as it helps maintain a healthy relationship. This was a really quick read as I found the author speaks to the average person and doesn't make you feel like you need to be a therapist to understand each concept. Each section is precise and straight to the point with no extra "stuff" that just makes things drag on. I love that at the end of each chapter there is a Do's and Don't's that run through what we learned.
The book is laid out with the first half of the book is about each section of the "meeting" with three chapters after about positive communication which can be used in everyday life - at work, friends, family, etc. Then there are a few chapters of examples of couples meetings. I look forward to using the authors techniques in our own marriage meetings. Hubby is reading the book now and we will schedule our first meeting. We have been using a lot of the positive communication, I statements, during conversations and it really does help when you need to discuss feelings with each other.
This was a great book for any couple, married or common law. This isn't a book just for the struggling relationship, this is a book for everyone as it helps maintain a healthy relationship. This was a really quick read as I found the author speaks to the average person and doesn't make you feel like you need to be a therapist to understand each concept. Each section is precise and straight to the point with no extra "stuff" that just makes things drag on. I love that at the end of each chapter there is a Do's and Don't's that run through what we learned.
The book is laid out with the first half of the book is about each section of the "meeting" with three chapters after about positive communication which can be used in everyday life - at work, friends, family, etc. Then there are a few chapters of examples of couples meetings. I look forward to using the authors techniques in our own marriage meetings. Hubby is reading the book now and we will schedule our first meeting. We have been using a lot of the positive communication, I statements, during conversations and it really does help when you need to discuss feelings with each other.
March 29, 2014
Wanting to establish a firm foundation to build a marriage upon, or need help restoring the passion in your marriage? Marcia Naomi Burger’s book “Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love” may be the answer.
The book encourages couples to meet together for 30 Minutes each week to develop the relationship you’ve always wanted. It encourages a depth of intimacy that spouses share.
Through meeting regularly, couples are able to share appreciation for each other; discussing chores; setting priorities and guidelines; planning dates, romance, and time spent together; and discussing any problems and challenges and concerns that each spouse may have, so that issues can be resolved with kindness and respect.
Common myths are explored in the book, along with techniques to improve communication skills
Throughout the book, Berger offers countless practical suggestions and guidelines for marriage meetings. She also debunks some common marriage myths and offers ideas for developing healthy communication and conflict resolution skills.
This is a great book for the newly married, and those further down the road, who want to see their love and intimacy grow. It is a very practical and helpful book that can strength even a weak marriage and help make a good marriage great.
The book encourages couples to meet together for 30 Minutes each week to develop the relationship you’ve always wanted. It encourages a depth of intimacy that spouses share.
Through meeting regularly, couples are able to share appreciation for each other; discussing chores; setting priorities and guidelines; planning dates, romance, and time spent together; and discussing any problems and challenges and concerns that each spouse may have, so that issues can be resolved with kindness and respect.
Common myths are explored in the book, along with techniques to improve communication skills
Throughout the book, Berger offers countless practical suggestions and guidelines for marriage meetings. She also debunks some common marriage myths and offers ideas for developing healthy communication and conflict resolution skills.
This is a great book for the newly married, and those further down the road, who want to see their love and intimacy grow. It is a very practical and helpful book that can strength even a weak marriage and help make a good marriage great.
June 25, 2021
This is a very heteronormative book: everything is "husband and wife", despite the 2014 publication date. The author makes a compelling case for having a weekly meeting with your spouse to reconnect and includes information on communication techniques. However, there were a few areas that made me cringe, including the trend of expecting the wife to make all the changes, and the example in which a couple decides to stay together despite the physical abuse and rape in the relationship.
March 3, 2017
This is a fantastic book for anyone looking to improve their relationships and knowledge about relationships. Although I am not married this book has been wonderful in teaching me methods for maintaining relationships in my life and taking them to the next level.
I would highly recommend this book to just about anyone.
I would highly recommend this book to just about anyone.
August 6, 2016
When I first heard about "Marriage Meetings" I thought it was the
dumbest, most anti-romantic idea since the cold shower.
I was wrong. So wrong.
Among other things, my girlfriend and I have dramatically improved our
sex life at age 70 and 69.
Having read the book and used the techniques and ideas with my
live-together mate, I can say that if I had known then what I know
now, I might have saved my marriage of 27 years.
You see, some of us, maybe more men than women, have difficulty
expressing our feelings. We especially have difficulty working through
highly emotional issues of conflict.
This book by Marcia Naomi Berger gives anyone, but especially men,
step-by-step tools to have the important conversations we need to have
with the women we love.
Tools, right, tools! We men love tools and can use them to fix things.
A major idea from the book that I have been able to use is that
counter intuitive core of the book: DON'T try to resolve conflicts
when they arise. You will usually be tired, in a hurry, angry, cranky
- whatever. Learn to take a deep breath and say to your likewise
angry, baffled partner - Let's talk about this at the marriage meeting
Wednesday. In my own life, it has been amazing how big issues become
small when we've cooled off, thought awhile and then sit down to
discuss, rather than fight.
The idea of planning for good times has paid off in a unexpected way.
Like many couples our sex life has its ups and downs. We were able to
discuss this in a "meeting" over coffee and figure out when would work
best. We now have an inside joke to get things rolling: "Perhaps we
can have a rendezvous this afternoon?" That resulted from the male
half of our couple being able to recognize and explain it wouldn't
happen unless planned around his energizing pill (the blue one).
In a marriage meeting (we call it that even though we are not
married), following the steps in the book and using the "I feel..."
format, I was able to discuss why we weren't having sex: It seemed the
timing was always bad for one of us. I suggested an "appointment."
She, using the same format in response, suggested that was
off-putting, but maybe we could call it a "rendezvous." She was also
able to tell me what she needed by way of warm-up (Ladies, if you have
ever wanted your man to truly get the need for foreplay, this book
will help).
This book has strengthened this man's ability to communicate to and
listen to his loving partner in a new and rewarding, and, ultimately,
romantic way.
dumbest, most anti-romantic idea since the cold shower.
I was wrong. So wrong.
Among other things, my girlfriend and I have dramatically improved our
sex life at age 70 and 69.
Having read the book and used the techniques and ideas with my
live-together mate, I can say that if I had known then what I know
now, I might have saved my marriage of 27 years.
You see, some of us, maybe more men than women, have difficulty
expressing our feelings. We especially have difficulty working through
highly emotional issues of conflict.
This book by Marcia Naomi Berger gives anyone, but especially men,
step-by-step tools to have the important conversations we need to have
with the women we love.
Tools, right, tools! We men love tools and can use them to fix things.
A major idea from the book that I have been able to use is that
counter intuitive core of the book: DON'T try to resolve conflicts
when they arise. You will usually be tired, in a hurry, angry, cranky
- whatever. Learn to take a deep breath and say to your likewise
angry, baffled partner - Let's talk about this at the marriage meeting
Wednesday. In my own life, it has been amazing how big issues become
small when we've cooled off, thought awhile and then sit down to
discuss, rather than fight.
The idea of planning for good times has paid off in a unexpected way.
Like many couples our sex life has its ups and downs. We were able to
discuss this in a "meeting" over coffee and figure out when would work
best. We now have an inside joke to get things rolling: "Perhaps we
can have a rendezvous this afternoon?" That resulted from the male
half of our couple being able to recognize and explain it wouldn't
happen unless planned around his energizing pill (the blue one).
In a marriage meeting (we call it that even though we are not
married), following the steps in the book and using the "I feel..."
format, I was able to discuss why we weren't having sex: It seemed the
timing was always bad for one of us. I suggested an "appointment."
She, using the same format in response, suggested that was
off-putting, but maybe we could call it a "rendezvous." She was also
able to tell me what she needed by way of warm-up (Ladies, if you have
ever wanted your man to truly get the need for foreplay, this book
will help).
This book has strengthened this man's ability to communicate to and
listen to his loving partner in a new and rewarding, and, ultimately,
romantic way.
November 2, 2015
Great ideas for couples to help organize their lives, but also to help build a stronger marriage
August 30, 2019
Hate the title - never would have picked this one up on my own. You don't have to be married (or believe in marriage) to benefit from this book. Really any couple or close relationship can use the tools described this book. Literally applicable to every couple, healthy ones included! Every relationship can always be strengthened. The sections on communication skills were fantastic. Just started having weekly "check-ins" with my partner and found this book by coincidence. Really like the structure suggested and all the tips. Again, don't be put off by the terrible title. Whether you're married or not, this is a great relationship book.
June 22, 2020
Decent book. Gave it a power read if I'm honest. But there's some solid lessons about how to handle your marriage in this one.
> Appreciation - Yeah, show appreciation for things your partner does.
> Chores - Organise what needs to happen in your castle.
> Plan for good times - Date night plans, holiday plans.
> Issues and Problems - What is the relationship struggling with.
Plus tonnes of pretty useful communcation skills that some folks (Namely myself) were really never exposed to. Hoping my wife picks this up, even if we pick up the notion of meeting I'd be pretty happy.
> Appreciation - Yeah, show appreciation for things your partner does.
> Chores - Organise what needs to happen in your castle.
> Plan for good times - Date night plans, holiday plans.
> Issues and Problems - What is the relationship struggling with.
Plus tonnes of pretty useful communcation skills that some folks (Namely myself) were really never exposed to. Hoping my wife picks this up, even if we pick up the notion of meeting I'd be pretty happy.
October 24, 2022
A very practical, reassuring book for anyone who wonders if they have the skills to create a thriving marriage. Berger shows that what makes great marriages great are a set of specific learnable skills, that can be intentionally practiced weekly by couples in a "marriage meeting." The meeting has four phases: Expressing Appreciation, Coordinating Chores, Planning for Good Times, and Addressing Problems and Challenges. I will certainly share this book when I am in a serious relationship, and will conduct weekly marriage meetings in my own marriage.
February 5, 2019
3.5 stars. I learned of the concept of marriage meetings and this book from an article on Verily.com. Marriage meetings are a good concept, as it's important to be mindful and purposeful in your relationships. I liked the parts about self talk and I statements. Like many of these books, they kind of stretched the concept to make it book length, and it was a bit repetitive. Overall, a good concept though.
March 5, 2021
I was intrigued by this concept after listening to an interview with the author on The Art of Manliness podcast. I am looking forward to implementing marriage meetings in my marriage.
"The Marriage Meeting Program is elegantly simple:
• Meet every week.
• Follow the recommended guidelines and agenda for your
meetings.
• Use positive communication skills."
It'll take time to learn. But reading this book has encouraged me to start.
"The Marriage Meeting Program is elegantly simple:
• Meet every week.
• Follow the recommended guidelines and agenda for your
meetings.
• Use positive communication skills."
It'll take time to learn. But reading this book has encouraged me to start.
July 31, 2020
I gave it 4 stars less for the content or quality of writing (which is fine and simple), but more for the actual skills and ideas it teaches. We’ve started using marriage meetings and they are great for the relationship. Definitely recommend reading the book to learn about the meetings.
October 24, 2019
Great advice whether you are in a healthy or troubled relationship.
November 17, 2020
Every relationship needs a tune up every now and then. These books usually read like they're written for women. This was a book both of us were able to relate to and use.
June 27, 2021
Valuable book and ,from what I've experienced so far, spot on. Well-grounded recommendations for improving your communications with your spouse and your relationship.
June 19, 2022
Great practice book with impacts across many relationships. Especially valuable around i statements and communication of difficult topics.
January 5, 2017
Interesting idea on marriage communication - set up a weekly meeting with four components:
1. Appreciation (tell your spouse all the things they did that week that you like/appreciate and they do the same for you); 2. Chores (discuss what chores need to be done around the house, who will do them, and a timetable); 3. Planning for Good Times (plan dates, vacations, time alone or with friends, family time); and 4. Problems and Challenges (chance to discuss bigger picture items of concern and either a. resolve them, b. agree to discuss them again at a future date, or c. recognize that you will never agree but come up with a way to live with the situation.) Berger also discusses different communication strategies when addressing the problems and challenges.
I haven't tried a marriage meeting with my husband (yet) but it seems like a productive way of making sure both spouses are heard and issues are addressed.
1. Appreciation (tell your spouse all the things they did that week that you like/appreciate and they do the same for you); 2. Chores (discuss what chores need to be done around the house, who will do them, and a timetable); 3. Planning for Good Times (plan dates, vacations, time alone or with friends, family time); and 4. Problems and Challenges (chance to discuss bigger picture items of concern and either a. resolve them, b. agree to discuss them again at a future date, or c. recognize that you will never agree but come up with a way to live with the situation.) Berger also discusses different communication strategies when addressing the problems and challenges.
I haven't tried a marriage meeting with my husband (yet) but it seems like a productive way of making sure both spouses are heard and issues are addressed.
March 2, 2014
Small manual about communication techniques to be used within a marriage, or any couple relationship in general. Well explained and full of examples as well as diagrams. So here is the problem in my opinion: the book is oversimplified and sometimes it seems that the solutions are so simple that the problem is not even that big.
Piccolo manuale di tecniche di comunicazione da utilizzarsi all'interno di un matrimonio, o di qualsiasi relazione di coppia in generale. Ben spiegato e pieno di esempi oltre che di diagrammi esemplificativi. Ecco quindi il problema secondo me, il libro é ipersemplificato e a volte sembra che le soluzioni siano talmente semplici che il problema non é nemmeno tale.
THANKS TO NETGALLEY AND NEW WORLD LIBRARY FOR THE PREVIEW!
Piccolo manuale di tecniche di comunicazione da utilizzarsi all'interno di un matrimonio, o di qualsiasi relazione di coppia in generale. Ben spiegato e pieno di esempi oltre che di diagrammi esemplificativi. Ecco quindi il problema secondo me, il libro é ipersemplificato e a volte sembra che le soluzioni siano talmente semplici che il problema non é nemmeno tale.
THANKS TO NETGALLEY AND NEW WORLD LIBRARY FOR THE PREVIEW!
March 26, 2015
really sound advice
Although this process is awkward in the beginning it has huge benefits in the end. It has certainly helped my husband and I with through issues but also just get a grip on the daily needs of our family and ourselves. So simple but so powerful.
Although this process is awkward in the beginning it has huge benefits in the end. It has certainly helped my husband and I with through issues but also just get a grip on the daily needs of our family and ourselves. So simple but so powerful.
August 25, 2015
So informative and positive
I found the information in this book to be so helpful. It helped to show the importance of a weekly marriage meeting and provided the structure for you to follow. Well written indeed.
I found the information in this book to be so helpful. It helped to show the importance of a weekly marriage meeting and provided the structure for you to follow. Well written indeed.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews