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How to Change Minds: The Art of Influence without Manipulation
Persuade, Don't Push!
Surely you know plenty of people who need to make a change, but despite your most well-intentioned efforts, they resist because people fundamentally fear change. As a salesman, father, friend, and consultant, Rob Jolles knows this scenario all too well. Drawing on his highly successful sales background and decades of research, he lays out a simple, repeatable, predictable, and ethical process that will enable you to lead others to discover for themselves what and why they need to change. Whether you hope to make a sale or improve a relationship, Jolles's wise advice-illustrated through a bevy of sometimes funny, sometimes moving, always illuminating stories-will help you ensure that changing someone's mind is never an act of coercion but rather one of caring and compassion.
Surely you know plenty of people who need to make a change, but despite your most well-intentioned efforts, they resist because people fundamentally fear change. As a salesman, father, friend, and consultant, Rob Jolles knows this scenario all too well. Drawing on his highly successful sales background and decades of research, he lays out a simple, repeatable, predictable, and ethical process that will enable you to lead others to discover for themselves what and why they need to change. Whether you hope to make a sale or improve a relationship, Jolles's wise advice-illustrated through a bevy of sometimes funny, sometimes moving, always illuminating stories-will help you ensure that changing someone's mind is never an act of coercion but rather one of caring and compassion.
Audio
First published January 1, 2013
92 people are currently reading
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About the author
Rob Jolles
13 books7 followersA sought-after speaker and best-selling author, Robert L. Jolles teaches, entertains, and inspires audiences worldwide.
Rob draws on more than thirty years of experience to teach people how to change minds. His keynotes and workshops on influence and persuasion are in global demand, including companies in North America, Europe, Africa, and the Far East. And, most importantly, his work inspires individuals and organizations to create real, lasting change by not just teaching clients how, but why.
Today, Rob’s programs attract diverse audiences, from Global 100 companies to growing entrepreneurial enterprises, from parents to professional negotiators. His best-selling books, including Customer Centered Selling, Mental Agility®, and How to Run Seminars & Workshops have been translated into more than a dozen languages.
He lives in Great Falls, Virginia.
Rob draws on more than thirty years of experience to teach people how to change minds. His keynotes and workshops on influence and persuasion are in global demand, including companies in North America, Europe, Africa, and the Far East. And, most importantly, his work inspires individuals and organizations to create real, lasting change by not just teaching clients how, but why.
Today, Rob’s programs attract diverse audiences, from Global 100 companies to growing entrepreneurial enterprises, from parents to professional negotiators. His best-selling books, including Customer Centered Selling, Mental Agility®, and How to Run Seminars & Workshops have been translated into more than a dozen languages.
He lives in Great Falls, Virginia.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews
November 26, 2013
I did not enjoy listening to this book. While I do believe that it does contain some valuable advice, listening to it was like being subjected to an 8 hour long infomercial. I've already bought the book I don't need to be sold on it! The author seems to spend a lot of time convincing the reader to listen to him. It's also very, very repetitive with key words and phrases like "predictable, repeatable process" being repeated over and over.
August 14, 2017
The topic is a good one and the thesis of the author laudable, but the book is too long. Rather, the summary below should be all you need to know to extract the substance of this book (spoiler alert!!!):
To change minds, (1) understand where your subject is in the decision making process, (2) leverage psychology and (3) don't forget to behave ethically.
More specifically:
1- Be genuine: to convince someone, it helps to be genuinely convinced that you are here to help
2- Understand where your subject is in the decision cycle
[not at all interested (5% of people are there),
not interested but open to discussion (80% of people are there: happy to entertain the possibility that their current set up is suboptimal but still not interested),
ready to investigate alternatives but not yet ready to leave current option (10%)
actively reconsidering (5%)]
3- Ask open questions and listen to (1) build rapport/trust and (2) understand your subject's actual needs and issues
4- Focus on surfacing and heightening the issues with their current situation, the risks of the status quo, (as opposed to focusing on the value your are bringing)
5- Then go over the case for changing. As you do so, make sure your subject
(i) agrees to the benefits of changing,
(ii) commits to moving ahead,
(iii) is clear on the logistics,
(iv) feels reassured that everything is going to be ok
By the way...
(1) introduce yourself,
(2) say whats in it for them,
(3) manage the discussion by owning the process not the content,
(4) set clear time boundaries for everyone's benefit
... and when you hear objections, handle them in 4 steps:
(1) clarify what it is
(2) acknowledge that it is a real objection
(3) respond to it
(4) confirm that your responses hit home...
To change minds, (1) understand where your subject is in the decision making process, (2) leverage psychology and (3) don't forget to behave ethically.
More specifically:
1- Be genuine: to convince someone, it helps to be genuinely convinced that you are here to help
2- Understand where your subject is in the decision cycle
[not at all interested (5% of people are there),
not interested but open to discussion (80% of people are there: happy to entertain the possibility that their current set up is suboptimal but still not interested),
ready to investigate alternatives but not yet ready to leave current option (10%)
actively reconsidering (5%)]
3- Ask open questions and listen to (1) build rapport/trust and (2) understand your subject's actual needs and issues
4- Focus on surfacing and heightening the issues with their current situation, the risks of the status quo, (as opposed to focusing on the value your are bringing)
5- Then go over the case for changing. As you do so, make sure your subject
(i) agrees to the benefits of changing,
(ii) commits to moving ahead,
(iii) is clear on the logistics,
(iv) feels reassured that everything is going to be ok
By the way...
(1) introduce yourself,
(2) say whats in it for them,
(3) manage the discussion by owning the process not the content,
(4) set clear time boundaries for everyone's benefit
... and when you hear objections, handle them in 4 steps:
(1) clarify what it is
(2) acknowledge that it is a real objection
(3) respond to it
(4) confirm that your responses hit home...
January 19, 2024
The book should be half as long. There is some good information in here, but not worth everything you have to read to get to it. Generally, I wouldn’t recommend it for that reason.
Summary of chapters for personal notes.
1. Understanding Influence
- Difference between influence and manipulation.
- Importance of trust and credibility.
2. The Psychology of Change
- People's fear and resistance to change.
- Change requires we help others overcome fear.
3. Preparation for Influence
- Know your audience.
- Tailor your approach.
4. Building Relationships
- Role of empathy.
- Importance of rapport.
5. Effective Communication
- Active listening.
- Asking questions over telling.
6. Overcoming Objections
- Address common objections.
- Maintain positive dialogue.
7. Creating a Persuasive Argument
- Structure messages effectively.
- Use stories and analogies.
8. The Ethics of Influence
- Keep influence ethical.
- Respect autonomy.
Summary of chapters for personal notes.
1. Understanding Influence
- Difference between influence and manipulation.
- Importance of trust and credibility.
2. The Psychology of Change
- People's fear and resistance to change.
- Change requires we help others overcome fear.
3. Preparation for Influence
- Know your audience.
- Tailor your approach.
4. Building Relationships
- Role of empathy.
- Importance of rapport.
5. Effective Communication
- Active listening.
- Asking questions over telling.
6. Overcoming Objections
- Address common objections.
- Maintain positive dialogue.
7. Creating a Persuasive Argument
- Structure messages effectively.
- Use stories and analogies.
8. The Ethics of Influence
- Keep influence ethical.
- Respect autonomy.
November 14, 2018
Jolles does do a good job of breaking down "How people make decisions" into individual and fairly recognizable steps. There are also scripts/role plays for most of the steps in the various frameworks, and I found those helped me the most with imagining and figuring out how I would execute whatever process in the real world.
I also disagree with many reviewers who said they have difficulty seeing how this would apply OUTSIDE of a sales context... Actually, all of the scripts are for non-sales scenarios (getting your kid to do their homework, an employer trying to get an employee to attend an outside training that they're reluctant to go to, convincing a loved one to pay more attention to their health). With a little bit of imagination, and a clear understanding of 1. the decision making process and 2. the various tools you have at your disposal you can use the framework in a variety of contexts....
I gave Jolle's book 4 stars because I found that this book relies a lot LESS on pointless stories than other similar sales/influence books. I would say that 2/3 is straight discussion of frameworks/strategy/tactics (plus the scripts) and only 1/3 is stories about his personal seminars or whatever.
I read the book in print, perhaps seeing the steps laid out in a way I can reference made the book more useful to me. It appears a lot of negative reviews are from people who have listened to the audio version of the book. Repetition is a necessary part of education, but I imagine that audio repetition is much more grating than seeing repeated phrases in a book.
If you haven't read many sales/influence books before, this one is a great start. You'll have a solid foundation in how people arrive at decisions, and some good tools (mostly questions) to use to direct the conversation.
If you HAVE read lots of sales books, I may skip this one because while it's clearly written - the information isn't very advanced.
I also disagree with many reviewers who said they have difficulty seeing how this would apply OUTSIDE of a sales context... Actually, all of the scripts are for non-sales scenarios (getting your kid to do their homework, an employer trying to get an employee to attend an outside training that they're reluctant to go to, convincing a loved one to pay more attention to their health). With a little bit of imagination, and a clear understanding of 1. the decision making process and 2. the various tools you have at your disposal you can use the framework in a variety of contexts....
I gave Jolle's book 4 stars because I found that this book relies a lot LESS on pointless stories than other similar sales/influence books. I would say that 2/3 is straight discussion of frameworks/strategy/tactics (plus the scripts) and only 1/3 is stories about his personal seminars or whatever.
I read the book in print, perhaps seeing the steps laid out in a way I can reference made the book more useful to me. It appears a lot of negative reviews are from people who have listened to the audio version of the book. Repetition is a necessary part of education, but I imagine that audio repetition is much more grating than seeing repeated phrases in a book.
If you haven't read many sales/influence books before, this one is a great start. You'll have a solid foundation in how people arrive at decisions, and some good tools (mostly questions) to use to direct the conversation.
If you HAVE read lots of sales books, I may skip this one because while it's clearly written - the information isn't very advanced.
November 19, 2014
Starts with ethical and moral aspects of behavior.
Understand decision process - want to change, identify the reason (problem) for change, research - check out how to solve the problem.
Ask questions and listen to create trust.
Get a commitment by working for the right to ask for someone to commit to a change by listening to concern and what they want to do about it. 4 steps - 1. check if agree that benefits of commitment will result in desired results, 2. ask for highest realistic commitment - simply, directly 3. set logistics (what happens) 4. reassure
to counteract the buyer's remorse that will kick-in
Focus on strengths of position, think about objections and how to respond.
3 types of people - dominate: barren, to the point, short, move briskly with
analytical: clutter, orderly to the point, thoughts not feelings - stick to logic and his perspective
social: colorful, creative, messy, lots of pictures, talkative - not as disciplined, stay with them
Lots of fluff - could have been shorter by about 2/3s.
Understand decision process - want to change, identify the reason (problem) for change, research - check out how to solve the problem.
Ask questions and listen to create trust.
Get a commitment by working for the right to ask for someone to commit to a change by listening to concern and what they want to do about it. 4 steps - 1. check if agree that benefits of commitment will result in desired results, 2. ask for highest realistic commitment - simply, directly 3. set logistics (what happens) 4. reassure
to counteract the buyer's remorse that will kick-in
Focus on strengths of position, think about objections and how to respond.
3 types of people - dominate: barren, to the point, short, move briskly with
analytical: clutter, orderly to the point, thoughts not feelings - stick to logic and his perspective
social: colorful, creative, messy, lots of pictures, talkative - not as disciplined, stay with them
Lots of fluff - could have been shorter by about 2/3s.
April 6, 2016
I'm not even halfway through this book and I'm sure it will never redeem itself. Usually I wouldn't buy this kind of a book without it having a solid recommendation. I must've been drunk or something because I swear it had a higher rating and good reviews.
While telling a story to make a point is fine, the author is incredibly rambling and repetitive. Not in a helpful, "learn by example" kind of way, more in a, "I'm getting paid per word so let me inflate this as much as possible" way. He seemed kind of self-absorbed with his constant "I was part of a very important think tank" comments, but I was willing to let them go until he offered that he lives in Great Falls, Virginia. While there are exceptions, man, that town is full of grandiose narcissists who don't need any more money. Anyway. I do appreciate the author hammering home the point that you have to believe what you're selling and not manipulate, but, ugh, I still feel ripped off.
Anything I learned from it I have a feeling I probably could've learned by Googling.
While telling a story to make a point is fine, the author is incredibly rambling and repetitive. Not in a helpful, "learn by example" kind of way, more in a, "I'm getting paid per word so let me inflate this as much as possible" way. He seemed kind of self-absorbed with his constant "I was part of a very important think tank" comments, but I was willing to let them go until he offered that he lives in Great Falls, Virginia. While there are exceptions, man, that town is full of grandiose narcissists who don't need any more money. Anyway. I do appreciate the author hammering home the point that you have to believe what you're selling and not manipulate, but, ugh, I still feel ripped off.
Anything I learned from it I have a feeling I probably could've learned by Googling.
April 15, 2021
Should change the title to "How to Sell Things While Trying Not to Feel Like a Total Sleaze", with a footnote of "yet you'll still feel like one anyway (sorry)".
As others have remarked, this read like an overly long infomercial on... what exactly? Buying the book? The one I'm already reading? These "well-researched" and "documented" steps were more like Jolles' circuitous way of being self-congratulatory. Save yourself the trouble and just look up his LinkedIn profile if you really care.
I'm sure if I ever have the misfortune of entering a job where I have to work on commission, then I suppose this might be helpful. I only hope I would never have to.
As others have remarked, this read like an overly long infomercial on... what exactly? Buying the book? The one I'm already reading? These "well-researched" and "documented" steps were more like Jolles' circuitous way of being self-congratulatory. Save yourself the trouble and just look up his LinkedIn profile if you really care.
I'm sure if I ever have the misfortune of entering a job where I have to work on commission, then I suppose this might be helpful. I only hope I would never have to.
July 10, 2015
not useful as i thought. too much business and how to be a good salesman.
January 5, 2017
Manure. Rubbish. Certainly not worth your time. I blindly recommend any other book on influence out there over this trifle.
December 21, 2017
الكتاب بجد كان سئ مستفدتش منه غير انه ممل وكنت كل شوية بضغط علي نفسي علشان اكمله للاخر وفي الاخر والله مستفدتش منه نهائي
April 29, 2020
I somehow ended up with this book in my reading list likely based on the desire to read Michael Pollan's How to Change a Mind.
I read it anyway and I was kind of tickled by my reaction. It starts off like a Tony Robbins-esque sales thing - which is always a turn-off for me. But, I stuck with it because there's something vulnerable about Jolles who comes across pretty strong, dudebro.
Jolles is kind of lovely. His sales guy perspective on calls to action are aligned with the marketing idea ZMOT and the customer decision cycle. He spends some time also talking about people interactions and how to engage for influence.
Again, I wasn't sure about this guy but by the end, I can see how his a pretty good dude with some ideas that might be worth listening to. And if that's the point he's trying to convey, that he knows how to get people to listen and react positively to his messages - he's accomplished that.
I read it anyway and I was kind of tickled by my reaction. It starts off like a Tony Robbins-esque sales thing - which is always a turn-off for me. But, I stuck with it because there's something vulnerable about Jolles who comes across pretty strong, dudebro.
Jolles is kind of lovely. His sales guy perspective on calls to action are aligned with the marketing idea ZMOT and the customer decision cycle. He spends some time also talking about people interactions and how to engage for influence.
Again, I wasn't sure about this guy but by the end, I can see how his a pretty good dude with some ideas that might be worth listening to. And if that's the point he's trying to convey, that he knows how to get people to listen and react positively to his messages - he's accomplished that.
June 3, 2019
This book couldn't have come across my line of sight at a better time...it helped me get back to thinking about some projects I've shied away from because I wasn't sure what was the last step to finish connecting everything I did know; it gave me the next step in the most pressing thing on my mind right now; it built on my previous recent reading in other fields in interesting ways; it reminded me of and confirmed for me the skill I already have in this area (otherwise I wouldn't be living the life I live at all); and it helped me get enthusiastic about projects I've wanted to start but didn't feel confident enough about yet.
This book should definitely be part of people's lives and core reading curriculum in life, and/or part of a grad program in any field remotely related, and/or a part of any undergrad program!
This book should definitely be part of people's lives and core reading curriculum in life, and/or part of a grad program in any field remotely related, and/or a part of any undergrad program!
June 9, 2019
Rob Jolles is no Dale Carnegie.
Overall, I appreciate having a concrete and effective approach in my tool kit, but it feels too close to manipulation for me to be completely comfortable with it. So, not quite 4 stars.
The book lays out one approach for influencing another person. It's entertaining, memorable, and surprisingly concrete. Still, Rob Jolles defined influence as something like "getting someone else to think something, feel like they thought of it themselves, and act on it." It feels so pushy. I suppose, what the book was missing was more discussion about how to know when you should influence someone and when you should back off. Still, steps feel more like "how to get someone to do something you think they should do," which feels too close to manipulation to me in spite of what the author may argue.
Audiobook.
Overall, I appreciate having a concrete and effective approach in my tool kit, but it feels too close to manipulation for me to be completely comfortable with it. So, not quite 4 stars.
The book lays out one approach for influencing another person. It's entertaining, memorable, and surprisingly concrete. Still, Rob Jolles defined influence as something like "getting someone else to think something, feel like they thought of it themselves, and act on it." It feels so pushy. I suppose, what the book was missing was more discussion about how to know when you should influence someone and when you should back off. Still, steps feel more like "how to get someone to do something you think they should do," which feels too close to manipulation to me in spite of what the author may argue.
Audiobook.
May 29, 2017
A good read. I don't necessarily agree with every step in the ethics section - given that it does not acknowledge that sometimes, even though you BELIEVE you are in the right, you may not be and that you need to give others credit for their own autonomy.
Other than that, I found this book surprisingly helpful in understanding now only how to talk to people (I'm admittedly pretty bad at this), but also in that I learned about myself. The author gives the reader permission to be human, which is something that I find fairly lacking in books that are not self-care oriented.
I took lots of notes, I believe that this helped me grow as a professional and a person. The one critique aside, good book.
Other than that, I found this book surprisingly helpful in understanding now only how to talk to people (I'm admittedly pretty bad at this), but also in that I learned about myself. The author gives the reader permission to be human, which is something that I find fairly lacking in books that are not self-care oriented.
I took lots of notes, I believe that this helped me grow as a professional and a person. The one critique aside, good book.
April 14, 2018
Mình đánh giá quyển này không hay, cũng không góp phần cung cấp nhiều điều bổ ích cho lắm.
Tác giả quyển này hơi kiêu căng khi cứ liên tục nhắc đến việc mình đã làm được nhiều điều tốt đẹp cho mọi người, trong khi lại dặn người khác là đừng bao giờ nhắc đến tầm quan trọng của việc bạn làm đối với người bạn đang muốn thay đổi, hơi mâu thuẫn nhỉ?
Đến khoảng 1/3 cuốn sách, do có nhiều ví dụ nên mình thấy sách khá hơn, dù vẫn còn lan man và nói râu ria hơi nhiều, không vô được trọng tâm. Thi thoảng sẽ có 1 số câu hay, tips hay. Nhưng vẫn làm cho mình hơi ức chế về nội dung quyển này.
Tác giả quyển này hơi kiêu căng khi cứ liên tục nhắc đến việc mình đã làm được nhiều điều tốt đẹp cho mọi người, trong khi lại dặn người khác là đừng bao giờ nhắc đến tầm quan trọng của việc bạn làm đối với người bạn đang muốn thay đổi, hơi mâu thuẫn nhỉ?
Đến khoảng 1/3 cuốn sách, do có nhiều ví dụ nên mình thấy sách khá hơn, dù vẫn còn lan man và nói râu ria hơi nhiều, không vô được trọng tâm. Thi thoảng sẽ có 1 số câu hay, tips hay. Nhưng vẫn làm cho mình hơi ức chế về nội dung quyển này.
April 21, 2021
(Audiobook listen) I cannot believe there was an actual page set aside for what was tantamount to "Never say you are sorry in business." I heard that, and my jaw hit the floor. "Saying you are sorry is actually an insult to your client" (Paraphrased, as I was too in shock to hear the actual direct quote). I mean, hey: if this approach works for you, by all means bravo. So offensive did I find this book, I personlly will go out of my way to not only never read this author again, but to warn off my business associates that enjoy this genre.
July 28, 2025
Rob Jolles’s guide to ethical persuasion is a masterclass in influence with integrity. Drawing from decades of experience in sales, training, and human behaviour, Jolles offers a repeatable, principled framework for helping others embrace change—without coercion, guilt, or manipulation. Jolles treats influence as a kind of storytelling—where the goal isn’t to impose a plot, but to help someone rewrite their own.
February 4, 2019
Quite interesting overview of ethical influence tactics. Nothing new essentially new, but nicely laid out in a number of different processes. Real-world case scenarios and references for every salesman out there.
4 out of 5 start, just because that's what Goodreads calls this rating: "I REALLY liked it."
4 out of 5 start, just because that's what Goodreads calls this rating: "I REALLY liked it."
December 6, 2020
A very skillful, passionate author on teaching others how to persuade, ethically of course. Jolles educates you on how the understanding of human nature can be leveraged in the process of influence. I am certain others can benefit from applying his processes and techniques whether in personal or business settings.
November 17, 2021
A fabulous master class on driving people to make choices, usually in a very pointed way. This is a salesman who is generalizing the principles of sales. He is very upfront about the risk of becoming manipulative and justifies his decisions for what he is recommending at each step. These are absolutely fabulous steps when you know you need to help persuade someone for making a choice that will improve their situation. I immediately started implementing the principles and they helped exactly as the author said they would. I need to reread and practice them a lot.
September 5, 2025
Decent book. Wish there were more examples or practical tools to use. More conceptual and reflective on his past training and use of example scenarios. Explains the decision making process and what is needed to help people make a decision, but a bit light on how that is done. There is some, just wish there was more.
August 14, 2022
With examples of processes and how to word to influence people. My takeaway will be consequences is a better motivator than value and the last step of reassurance is necessary in case of a last min of changing of mind.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 26, 2017
Just lost interest on this one, probably because it was more focused on sales and trying to translate it to regular life became tiring.
July 19, 2018
The most wonderful lessons that I got from this book is the cycle of decison process. I hope that more and more people could be change their minds and decisions by the way I do.
December 2, 2018
I am not even sure how I heard about this book but it is excellent if you are in the sales arena.
June 22, 2019
He gave some decent thoughts and ideas. His approach was well-received. He is also very enthused.
October 14, 2020
Great book with small key insights
December 18, 2020
Excellent read!
January 7, 2021
Great book. Solid read for anyone in sales, leadership, or in a position to implement necessary change within an organization.
May 30, 2021
Easy to read guide in communication with vision 👍
Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews