Confessions of a Childfree Woman: A Life Spent Swimming Against the Mainstream

by Marcia Drut-Davis

After declaring on 60 Minutes her desire to never have children, Marcia Drut-Davis was fired from her teaching job and began receiving death threats from outraged Americans. Now, in her stirring new memoir Confessions of a Childfree Woman, Drut-Davis tells the story behind that national TV appearance and recounts the painful aftermath. Along the way, Drut-Davis exposes and explores our culture’s rampant pronatalism and the stigma we continue to attach to childless women. By taking us deep into her own life and the emotions—positive and negative—surrounding her bold choice, Drut-Davis lays bare our society’s myth that true fulfillment and happiness can come only through procreation. Reflecting on her 70 years, Drut-Davis takes a fair look at what she’s lost by not having children, but her focus always returns to all she has gained: a life lived with no regrets.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Self Help, Feminism, Biography

144 pages, Paperback

First published March 17, 2013

Reviews

[Amanda Papenfus · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm glad Marcia was finally able to get her book published after having been rejected by people who thought it wasn't necessary because "the choice is now acceptable". Back when she first made her choice, 60 minutes cut her and her husband's lengthy talk with his parents coming out about their choice down to a few minutes of sound bites for their agenda. She ended up losing her teaching job and getting death threats.

Yes the choice is more acceptable now, but there are still people who make judgements. It's still a shock to some people if you work with kids and don't have or want your own, and sometimes they're critical about it. Childfree people still hear "you'll change your mind" "you'll have regrets when you're older" and so on. If nothing else, Marcia's memoir is important because gives a counter to those statements as someone who has been there who didn't change her mind and does not have regrets.


I started reading this book last night planning to read a few pages and ended up reading it all in one sitting. The tone is very conversational so it's almost like you're sitting there hearing her tell her story. She's honest and up front about her choice and her experiences. I think it's a book that is beneficial both for the childfree and for those who maybe don't understand what the childfree go through.

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn’t expect to like this book with its “childfree” point of view, but I loved it. I met Drut-Davis and heard her speak at the 2017 NotMom Summit last weekend She was warm, smart and funny. But she never wanted children and I did. However, nothing—except a zebra—is ever completely black and white. When she announced her decision to not have kids on national television in 1974, her family was shocked and people she didn’t even know attacked her “selfish” decision. She lost her job as a teacher. When she gave talks, people picketed in protest. Yet she and her husband stood firm. They were not having children. Not giving birth does not mean she never experienced anything like motherhood. She acquired two stepdaughters, with whom she had a rocky relationship. Some of her students have become lifelong friends. She adores her nieces and nephews. And there have been moments when she doubted her decision. In her book, she is open, honest and clear. The pages fly by. I found myself nodding and pointing to the words, saying, “Yes! that’s how it was for me, too.” Even if you have 10 kids and wouldn’t change a thing, I believe you’d enjoy this book. It’s a good story, and you might learn a few things.

[Claire · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well. This was an interesting story, but I kind of hated it. Her approach is “childfree” instead of “childless” which essentially focuses on choosing your own life over one with kids, specifically by choice rather than by force. The tones she used greatly contradict my beliefs. She talks a lot about pro-natalism and focuses 100% on the negatives of having kids, which I found interesting but also exhausting. I personally don’t believe she presented any valid reason for her decision not to have kids, but then again I didn’t expect to agree with her. 😁

[Judy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick read as this is a small book and well worth the reading time. Very well written and honest as the author tells her life story of the choices she makes.
I really like the chosen term of CHILDFREE as opposed to the emotionally loaded CHILDLESS.
Like many women I have a wonderful number of childfree women in a whole range of ages and I have been honoured to have had many open discussions with a lot of these women on the subject and I have found each and every one is really happy with the life choice they made. Which is interesting especially when I compare these discussions to those with fellow parents and the reality of raising children.
I totally and unconditionally support each individual to make the choice that they know is the right one for them, I have never been able to understand why anyone else should feel they have a right to question or challenge the individuals choice or even give input towards the choice.
Parenting is a life changing decision, it truly only ends when you the parent leave this life, it is a choice that deserves way more consideration and research than society pressure and hormones and advertising allow.
Parenting is hard and yes it is amazing, but hard. There is no other life choice that has such long reaching consequences.
Parenting when there is love and support and choices is rewarding but it is still hard so I can not even come close to imaging what parenting is like if it is foisted on you.
I feel I have gained a new level on insight and understanding through reading this title and recommend it to anyone.

[Katherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Marcia Drut-Davis has an interesting story to tell. The book is not long and it is a combination of personal stories and some of her thoughts about living CF in a pronatalist culture. The parts of her story I find most compelling are when she talks about her own experiences. The stories about the lives she has shaped in her role as teacher are also inspiring. While I think this book is good; in my mind it was incomplete. I think Ms. Davis did a good job of writing a quick summary of key points. It would have been a better book if she would have dug a little deeper and written with more detail about her relationships with family, friends and spouses. Some more personal analysis about mistakes and successes would have read as a better "confession". I do recommend the book and thank her for telling her story. It would be interesting if 60 minutes revisited the old interview and allowed Ms. Davis to talk about how hard the impact was on her. Some TV journalist should take this on. The apology for running the segment on Mother's Day was shocking. I am glad the author is getting to tell her side of the story, even though it is years after the broadcast.

[Huong Tran · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this from a “pioneer in child freedom”. It’s a deeply personal book for the author and I appreciate her for writing and sharing such intimate experiences. Bonus for it not being super long and drawn out with the personal stories like some memoirs are.

[Inga · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is an amazing story of a courageous and giving woman, full of heart-warming and also shocking stories. If you are on the fence and feel a strong pressure from society I would recommend reading this book. It is suprisingly neutral for it’s name. I really felt heard. Many times while reading I thought to myself ”This is exactly how it is for me!” Things make more sense for me now. I think the book could have been longer and explored the feelings and the struggles of the decision more.

[Yaca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Objective and Honest

I enjoyed reading this book. I found it to be objective, honest, open, and simply informative. It doesn't pull a reader into any one direction when it comes to subject of childless life, but rather provides a real life examples of both joys and struggles of life with and without children.  I don't have children so I can imagine that it would be easier for me to read this with an open mind and weigh the options, as I still have them at my age. However, I can also see how someone with children may read this and disagree or resent as they no longer have an option of childfree lifestyle (as author discussed in detail in this book).
For these reasons I would recommend the book to childless readers who are on the fence of deciding whether or not to have children. It may provide some non-fiction insight. Also to readers who are simply looking to understand the reason behind the childfree choice, this book is the one to read.

[Loz · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 rounded up. Good to have a long term, balanced view. While it makes good points, I'm not sure I agree entirely with the pronatalist section since arguably the only biological point of life is propagation of the species, so it's kind of a given society would be driven that way. However I do concede that society and media are hard wired to the life script of vanilla, hetero, cisgender, white, able, middle class etc couples and I think the vast majority of people, myself included, much perfer more representation. 1. Because everyone likes to know they're not alone 2. Because differences are interesting and it's good to learn.

Ok sjw rant over lol, that's me done.

[Psychoklara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honest description of Marcia‘s struggles against envy and hate, which comes from people with different opinion, was dreadful. This book doesn’t try to confirm reader’s thought of life without children. It shows how hard it is to confess this decision to family and friends and all consequences. Very interesting, helpful and eye-opening book.

[Ashley Thorpe · Rating 4 out of 5]

great book on child free life

Writing style is a tad schmaltz but the bones and intent are good. Encouraging to hear from a woman who is now 80 years old that being childfree is a viable fulfilling option.

[Victoria Evangelina Allen · Rating 4 out of 5]

A heartfelt genuine account of one brave woman’s choice.

[Klara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked it, thank you for these thoughts, views shared with us.

[Veronika · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great reading

[S. · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this book in one day. It went from a 5 star to a 1 star very quickly. The title is misleading. In the end she becomes a stepparent. That’s not childfree, that’s childless. I was really looking forward for this book. I loved the beginning but not the end.