Breaking the Cycle: the 6 Stages of Healing from Childhood Family Trauma: Support and Recovery for What You Were Once Powerless to Change

by Kaytlyn Gillis, Kaytee Gillis

Most of us are only starting to become aware of how our foundational years contribute to who we are today. Our childhood environment shapes the foundation for our sense of self, how we feel about the world, and how we relate to others. If we experienced trauma or dysfunction along the way, it likely disrupted the pathways to these fundamental structures.

Understanding our trauma is not about blame, but about understanding, learning, and growing. In most cases, our caregivers did the best they could with the tools they had, often while dealing with external or internal stressors as well. With the world’s increasing understanding of trauma, this paves the way for understanding and growth.

Survivors of childhood family trauma typically go through 6 stages in their path to pre-awareness, uncovering, digging in, healing, understanding, and nurturing.
Using elements from her clinical work, as well as personal experience, Gillis provides support and tips for survivors navigating these 6 stages.

No matter where you are in your journey — only just uncovering, becoming more aware, or supporting a loved one in their process —this book will help.

Genres: Self Help, Mental Health

324 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 26, 2023

About the author

Kaytee (Kaytlyn) Gillis, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and writer known for her work with survivors of family of origin trauma, as well as her work with survivors of traumatic relationships and IPV, specifically post separation abuse.

Kaytee is the author of several books on the topic of domestic abuse and family trauma.

Kaytee has a popular blog on Psychology Today and is a regular contributor to Psychotherapy Networker. She has been featured on BBC World News, iHeart radio, SiriusXM Doctor Radio, The Los Angeles Times, CP24 News, and others. She provides training on recognizing patterns of domestic violence and family trauma, and helping survivors move forward.

She lives with her partner and fur children in Michigan.

Reviews

[Book Reviewer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Breaking the Cycle: The 6 Stages of Healing from Childhood Family Trauma by Kaytlyn Gillis offers a comprehensive and accessible approach to addressing and healing from childhood trauma. Gillis, with her expertise in psychotherapy, adeptly navigates the complex terrain of family trauma, presenting it in a manner that resonates with a broad audience. The book's structure methodically guides readers through the various stages of recognizing and confronting childhood trauma. It starts with the initial realization of its existence, progresses through understanding and acceptance, and culminates in the essential steps toward healing. Gillis enhances her narrative with practical examples and exercises, making the book a source of insight and a tool for personal growth.

From a psychological perspective, integrating family psychology principles with therapeutic practices in Gillis's work is noteworthy. This blend results in a text that is both intellectually stimulating and universally accessible, catering to readers from diverse backgrounds and stages of life. Gillis emphasizes the equal importance of each section in understanding and resolving trauma. The book illuminates the need to recognize trauma's presence in one's life and the journey toward addressing it, underscoring the importance of understanding one's family dynamics.

The distinction between functional and dysfunctional families is particularly enlightening, offering clarity on the origins of complex emotional experiences. A significant aspect of the healing process, as Gillis discusses, involves understanding the history of one's caregivers. This exploration can reveal patterns of behavior inherited from previous generations and help in reframing personal experiences and self-worth. This process is not just about understanding but also about forgiveness and personal growth. Gillis's work is particularly relevant in the current climate of increased awareness and openness about mental health, especially among younger generations. Her book serves as a valuable resource for those dealing with childhood trauma, mental health professionals, students, and anyone interested in exploring the human psyche.

Breaking the Cycle is an insightful read and a testament to Gillis's contributions to psychotherapy and literature. Her ability to transform complex psychological concepts into accessible knowledge is commendable. This book is a vital resource for anyone on a journey of healing or seeking a deeper understanding of the human condition. I eagerly anticipate future works from Kaytlyn Gillis.

[Anthionette Ejimofor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes we experience childhood traumas that we choose to bury but little do we know just how much that single act shapes our personality as adults. Breaking The Cycle is a book that delves into how we can confront those traumas and finally let go from within.

In this book, this author extensively discussed The 6 Stages of Healing from Childhood Family Trauma, backing them up with real-life relatable experiences. This kicks off from the Pre-Awareness Stage. This author posits that so many people with childhood trauma do not even realize it, while others would rather just live in denial.

However, this author carefully relates several events that take place in a family during childhood. These factors thereby define who these children grow up to become. This also goes as far as defining their relationship pattern. The constant desire for love, the desire for commitment, the fear of commitment, the fear of being single or alone, or even overly seeking privacy are all factors that spin from a person's childhood.

In life we are confronted by a series of feelings and emotional rollercoasters but little do we know the root of these. This author delineates practical ways to confront one's past. Pasts that one needs to heal from first before embracing one's true self.

This author also enabled readers to understand things that have come to shape their personalities, be it in a negative light or a positive light. She further listed three kinds of children; the golden child, the lost child, and then there's the hero. She quotes: “In my practice, I have noticed the “golden child,” for example, is most likely to use denial, the “hero” is likely to worry “but what will people think,” while the “lost child” is most likely to intellectualize or minimize” I must admit I found myself in one of these.

Society makes us believe we outgrow our childhood traumas once we're adults. This author stated otherwise. She listed several stereotypes and misconceptions we choose to accept about family traumas. In a short sentence, it doesn't automatically go away after childhood nor do family traumas happen to only those with lower socioeconomic status. This author also addresses the stereotype that trauma is only physical. It's emotional too. It can be anything; family negligence, verbal abuse, or even separation of parents.

However, in all, this author leads readers to the final stage of breaking the cycle and embracing true healing. A must read for everyone.

[Michael Popovici · Rating 5 out of 5]

Therapist Kaytlyn Gillis creates a masterpiece of support, recovery, and healing for sufferers and survivors of trauma. Gillis weaves a beautiful tapestry of clients' stories, intertwined with experiences of abuse, trauma theory and facts, and practical steps for healing. She guides the inflicted through their despair, education, an awakening, setting boundaries, finding restoration, and sustaining maintenance for realizing a life worth living.

Using her knowledge, skills, and real-life experience, Gillis compassionately writes with clarity and care the stages found to bring healing for the reader stuck in their traumatic upbringing: Stage 1-Pre-Awareness;
Stage 2-Uncovering; Stage 3-Digging In; Stage 4-Growing, Learning, and Doing the Work of Healing; Stage 5-Understanding; Stage 6-Nurturing.

It is rare to have such a treasure of a book to offer a new life for all of us wounded, especially when coupled with therapy. This resource is comparable to Kubler-Ross' brilliant work on death and dying in that it brings us walking dead from despair to a life of hope and promise. It is a must read for the majority of wounded and struggling humanity.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kaitlyn Gillis is the author of Breaking the Cycle a book to help those of us who may or may not realize that we have encountered childhood trauma; heal. I normally do not like nor pick up "self-help" books because I feel like the author condescends down to us "damaged" readers and rarely provide any useful advice.

This book blew me out of the water. She starts off explaining that the book itself is simply a tool and a guide and to seek therapy with a professional if and when you need it. I think she had me hooked from that point on.

When reading the book, you do not have to read chapters chronologically, nor do you need to read and understand every piece of it. There is a short self quiz in the beginning with questions that help you figure out what your points of trauma may be. Following this, the author begins to unravel the 6 stages of healing, providing useful tools for everyone to implement in their daily lives.

Perhaps the most important theme of the book for me was when the author emphsizes a key point: If things get too hard or too tough for you to process, stop. Don't force the healing and don't force the confrontation of ugly.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Kassandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me feel validated in the way that my family structure influenced my entire being. What is the best part of about feeling validated in how I was affected by abuse, and how I let such toxicity and trauma perpetuate in my life to this day gives me the power to change not only the way it affected me but also my boundaries so I do not have to feel obligated to others who are toxic and abusive.

The other day I felt like I had to explain my growth rather than admire my wisdom and not need validation from others. The book has helped me find strength in not having to apologise for who I am. It has helped me find more strength in leaving my abusive marriage, to embrace the pain and trauma rather than perpetuate it by staying in it. If you have ever felt like your family structure has had negative effects on your life, I highly recommend this book as a great way to start making choices for yourself, separate of the family structure you were subjected to. (I am an empath and was the scapegoat in my family.)

[Tia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am blown away with how much information and helpful tips are in this book Breaking the Cycle: the 6 stages of hearing from childhood family trauma by Kaytlyn Gillis. I have incurred trauma from my family that I had no clue was even there until I read this book. This read is captivating and face paced with a lot of information to incite healing and change in your life. The book is well written and the information is easily understood. I hope to read more books from this author. I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Susan P. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid entry level book helps the reader understand the complexities of trauma, but it lacks the tools and additional structure needed for true healing.

[Divina Monique · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend!!!

[Liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has truly enlightened me on how my childhood trauma has influenced my current self, as well as how to navigate through it. It focuses on comprehension, growth, and learning from our past experiences rather than assigning blame. The author emphasizes that our caregivers did their best with the resources they had, while also dealing with their own challenges. This perspective encourages empathy and understanding as we work through our pain. It is highly recommended for anyone seeking to comprehend and overcome the long-lasting effects of childhood trauma. The book serves as both a guide and a companion on the healing journey, offering support, insight, and hope for a healthier and more fulfilling future.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in a day and a half. It is so refreshing to see family trauma discussed in this way, as someone who comes from a dysfunctional and traumatic background. i love how the 6 stages are for family trauma specifically, and so relatable to many readers who might be in different stages.

[Sweet-Unicorn]

This book is "breaking the cycle". It is a great book discussing how to heal from childhood family trauma. All of stage 6 was very helpful and an important section to read. I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Cass · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish it had gone more into physical abuse, but this was a very good book overall and focused so much on healing and moving forward