Wallflower

Rear Entrance Video #2

by Heidi Belleau

This gamer geek has a lacy little secret.

Art student and MMORPG addict Robert Ng has always been a loner, but he's recently made it his goal to make more (IRL) friends. Which is how he winds up working nights at Rear Entrance Video, shilling sketchy porn and blowup dolls as a favor to his roommate. The longer he works there, though, the more he realizes he’ll never be truly happy until he becomes the person he is online: his female persona, Bobby.

Bobby is cuter and funnier than Rob is, and a thousand times more popular with boys. Becoming Bobby IRL presents its own set of challenges, though . . . especially when you're sitting on the fence between two genders, only one of which has caught the attention of your seriously cute customer/classmate.

Dylan Ford is a six-foot Inuit comic book artist who always says what’s on his mind, and screw anyone who doesn't like it. As rough as he appears, though, Dylan has a soft spot for Rob. But will out-and-proud Dylan still want Rob if he's not all man?

Genres: M M Romance, Romance, Contemporary, LGBT, Transgender, Queer, New Adult

182 pages, Paperback

First published October 19, 2013

About the author

Heidi Belleau was born and raised in small town New Brunswick, graduated with a degree in history from Simon Fraser University in British Columbia, and now lives outside of Edmonton, Alberta, with her tradesman husband and two kids. A proud bisexual woman, her writing reflects everything she loves: diverse casts of queer characters, a sense of history and place, equal parts witty and filthy dialogue, the occasional mythological twist, and most of all, love—in all its weird and wonderful forms. She is the author of the REAR ENTRANCE VIDEO series, and the co-author of THE BURNT TOAST B&B. Her latest novel DEAD RINGER, co-authored with Sam Schooler, is out now from Riptide Publishing. Her work has been reviewed in PUBLISHER’S WEEKLY, LIBRARY JOURNAL, and BOOKLIST.

Reviews

[Kat · Rating 2 out of 5]

Kudos for exploring gender bender in a m/m romance!

I'm a big proponent of blurring the lines in this genre, in order to allow for a broader aspect of the glbt spectrum to be dragged into the limelight. In Wallflower, the author toys with gender fluidity by letting her MC, Rob, a scrawny Chinese-Canadese gamer-geek, occasionally dress up as his female alter-ego: the confident and sexy Bobby. At the same time, I'm sorry to say that the story as a whole left me pretty much unaffected. But let's get to the good stuff first, k?

Bordering on social disorder shy, Rob's main source of human contact is the online game Kingdom of Elves (hey, aren’t real addicts supposed to play WoW instead?). It doesn't help that his sister is a gorgeous social butterfly and that Rob is not only gay, but also identifies as a girl. Part-time anyway. And not from the waist down: he likes what he packs there. It was interesting to see this awkward guy setting his first steps on the road of becoming a girl and struggling for acceptance. I'm not spoilering anything by saying that Rob, being the delicately boned creature that he is, pulls off being a girl effortlessly. Telling his friends and his brand new boyfriend about his secret....now THAT's another story!

Sweet 'n angsty stuff, you guys!

The scenes in which Rob transforms himself into Bobby are a joy to read. I rooted for him when he tried out long hair and make up for the first time. But in general, I didn't end up being as engaged as I'd hoped. The writing felt too clunky for that. For example, the fact that Rob's an extreme case of wallflowerness was told in detail rather than shown through his behavior. In my eyes, the latter's always preferable. The introduction of several male side characters, that Rob seemed interested in and therefore – mistakenly – popped up on my radar as potential relationship material, needlessly complicated matters. Also, the plot was a bit too thin for my liking and interspersed with convenient surprises and twists (thereby nipping intriguing gender bender dilemma's in the bud).

And some might say I'm looking for an excuse to talk SEX again....

BUT I have to say: the sex in Wallflower was the thing that weirded me out most. It seemed in complete dissonance with Rob and his bf's nerdy teenage personalities? I'm not referring to the 'tiny guy topping big boy' thing here, which may or may not turn you on. No, the sex scenes in Wallflower consisted of cliché-ridden, vulgar dirty talk. The type you come across in unimaginative porn. There's a time and a place for that stuff (and even then I appreciate a little more originality). In Wallflower, it struck me as terribly out of character for these dorky boys and left me feeling somewhat sad. Apparently, parroting explicit porn is the norm these days.

Overall, I think this could be a great read if you’re looking for an uncomplicated, cute romance (and not-so-cute sex scenes, lol!) with a twist in the form of a gender fluid character.

[SheReadsALot · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Boy Meets Boy Review

Quick! Can you find me 5 published MM books featuring both a Chinese and Inuit romance lead? I'll wait...

*starts filing nails*



Couldn't find any? Maybe one closer to none?



I KNOW. The popular MM romances tend to lean towards the less diverse main characters - white, hunky males with monster packages. You'd think in this diverse world we live in that there would be a better representation of all different cultures and ethnicities that are out there. There are authors that have tried, some fail epically in a stereotypical way (not going to name any names but there's a certain one that comes to mind) and sometimes, you can hit paydirt with an author who knows how write characters as real life people, with normal flaws and issues and not make it about their culture.

I have found this with Heidi Belleau.



She writes characters realistically with different backgrounds (actually researched about her characters' ethnicity), three dimensional feel and diversity. Thank you. She gives good...characterization. ;D

Now getting my kudos for her having two minority romantic leads out of the way, I'll get to my thoughts of "Wallflower", book #2 of the Rear Entrance Video series.

It's quirky. If I had to give a one word description, that would be it.

The series could be read as standalone but trust me, you're going to want to read book #1, Christian and Max's story was an interesting one. Happy we get to see them as secondary characters in "Wallflower". Book #2 is Christian and Max's housemate's story, Robert Ng. Here's a little introduction about Mr. Ng:

"I'm Rob Ng. That's N-G pronounced like I-N-G. Ng. I'm nineteen--"crushing on my straight male roommate who won't so much as glance at me "--in first year, just graduated high school." And I wish I was a girl.

Robert is first generation Chinese-Canadian, an art major freshman, hasn't fully come out of the closet and extremely shy. He internalizes...a lot, he is the wallflower you might ignore or not quite remember if you meet him. Which is fine for Rob because in his downtime, he plays video games and gets to pretend with his alter ego, the extrovert to his eternal introvert, his feminine side...the fun Bobby.

And besides, Rob wasn't a girl. Wasn't born one, not physically and not even on the inside. He just liked...playing one. Dressing up as one.

At nineteen, Robert is still exploring and learning about himself. He has more fun as Bobby, makes some mistakes but his still young right? Plus he works at a porn/sex toy store, Rear Entrance Video which as Rob was intimidating but for Bobby...well just imagine. And Rob happens to meet six foot tall Inuit, fellow art major, Dylan Ford. He's adopted, out and proud, has white parents, a major chip on his shoulder for being a Sixties Scoop kid (don't know what a Sixties Scoop kid is? I didn't either but it's an interesting yet disheartening fact) and the owner of one very smart mouth. But he's charismatic and draws both Rob and Bobby's attention. Rob...he struggles throughout the book to try to find himself, a balance into the mixed up world he's in. Sometimes I wanted to hug him...other times give him a (light) boot in the arse. He did take the coward's way most of the time.


I like being a guy. I just like being a girl sometimes too. And not just as a sex thing, which I think is an important distinction? Or feels like it should be? I guess I'm both. Guy and girl. But more guy.

Dylan and Robert meet at Rear Entrance and share a class together. The sparks...I guess they flew. Their match was definitely an insta-love feel. The sex was hot, the dirty talk and alley sex scene definitely gets my vote for the hotness factor. But I have to comment on the suddenness of their feelings and some of the actions Rob takes. This kid has a lot of social issues and quirks so some of his choices seemed so out of the box for him. Maybe he could say it was a Bobby fueled behavior but at the end of the day Bobby and Rob are still one person. And I have to compare Dylan/Rob to Max/Christian. The couple from the first book is much more believable when comparing this book's couple. At the end of Wallflower, it was nice...the men say the right words I just had a harder time fully believing the longevity of their relationship.

This book gave a lot of focus to Robert/Bobby soul searching, the Dylan pairing felt rushed at times. I wanted to know more about the mouthy comic book artist. He was really good for Robert, very understanding, patient. I just wished I could have read some of his POV. The story is a good one, I enjoyed the secondary characters and storyline. I learned a bit about Canadian culture too. There was a nice twist at the end, a HEA with insta-love. A difficult topic (gender identity) handled with expert care that it was secondary to the rushed "love you".

Check this book out. The writing is pretty good. Not as good as book #1, in my opinion...but damn close.

Am I checking more from the author? Affirmative.

Reading more of the series? (Please, pretty please let there be more) Definitely.

A copy provided for an honest review.

[Heather K (dentist in my spare time) · Rating 3 out of 5]

**3.5 stars**

Wow! Heidi Belleau produced such a super hot, interesting, out-of-the box story! Very nicely done, Heidi. I really enjoyed this but I had some issues that prevented this from being a home run for me.

Let's start with the positives about this story. I love that this book has both a minority character and a guy who is gender-questioning. In the land of macho men (aka, M/M romance-ville), the character of Rob really stood out. No muscle flexing and heavy lifting here, folks! Rob is quiet and geeky and very loveable. I found him also to be relatable, which surprised the hell out of me, considering I'm a trans-cis-whatever newbie. I also loved the character of Dylan, who also has some of his own inner conflicts related to his Native heritage but white upbringing.

You really see the issues at play in this book, the characters asking themselves who they are and what makes them "them". From a philosophical point of view, I appreciated this book whole-heartedly.

So what's my problem? My main issue is with the romance in this book. I felt that Dylan and Rob moved waaaaaayyyyy too fast from like or attraction into love. Like I was barely getting the sense for the two of them as a couple and they were speaking about forever. I think the "love" aspect really came out of nowhere. It was too much to soon for me. I think that Dylan and Rob DO happen to make a great match, but it just felt super rushed and I was scratching my head as to how all of these heavy emotions came about.

My other little issues (and please don't think I'm an insensitive meanie for what I'm about to say) is that this book came across to be a little... informative at times. I understand that the whole gender questioning issue needs to be explained very well but a huge portion (really the entire book) is Rob's journey with figuring out who he is. I wasn't expecting that. I wanted more of a romance story and instead I feel like I got a lesson on what it means to be on the atypical side of the gender spectrum. It just didn't quite fit my mood.

I have to say that that last sex scene was SCORCHING, though. When Heidi writes her sex scenes, my kindle is always on fire!

**Copy provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review**

[Jyanx · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book as an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thanks.

I have to say I really enjoyed this story. I wasn't sure quite sure what to expect when I began reading, but I was interested especially since Rob plays an MMORPG, and so do I. Though I have to say WOW, I'm sorry I mean Kingdom of Elves, is probably not the best choice if the author was trying to establish gamer cred. I know it's massively popular, but it's not necessarily a gamer's game, and it is vastly overused. If Rob was really as hardcore into online games as he appeared to be, chances are he's be playing something harder. Just a small issue, but knowing some pretty hard core gamers, I am not one, it doesn't ring true to me, and pulls me out of the moment just a bit.

I really loved Rob. I loved that no matter how insecure, and socially awkward he was that he wasn't the stereotype of the shy, virginal nerd. Can I say that was hands down one of the sexiest sex scenes I have read in quite some time. I found his quest for his own identity to be interesting, and complex. I respect the courage it took for him to explore both his sexual and gender identity beyond other people's definitions and labels. I also appreciate the lessons he learned, and the understanding he gained when he explored his feminine identity. I liked that being a girl was not as simple, or as easy as he first expected, and that it wasn't a story that shied away from the possible consequences of his exploration. Not that the exploration was bad, but that being female or feminine isn't the end of all his problems. That being female comes with it's own set of issues.

I had more problems with Dylan. It's not that I didn't like him, but even at the end I found his abrasive and confrontational nature a bit hard to deal with. I understand that, as a white girl, there is no way I would understand his racial, and cultural issues. I don't pretend I understand what it's like for him, but for someone who talks about how people, white people, try to define him he seems very comfortable making blanket statements, and generalizations about white people as a whole, and that annoyed me. I know the history behind the adoptions he talks about, and it is just as terrible as he makes it out to be. It is a blight on our history, but seeing his family at the end, and how loving, and supportive they were of his sister made me feel that he was doing them a great disservice by the way he talked about all white adoptive families. I'm sure they didn't adopt him with evil intentions, and chances are they had no knowledge of the government policies that dictated his placement. Chances are they were just a couple who were looking to love a child, and it felt like he carried a bit of anger he that directed at them that they didn't deserve. Seeing his poorly directed bitterness and anger made me lose a bit of respect for him, but he's still young, and hopefully with time he will grow up a bit. I'm not saying that I disliked him, but the chip on his shoulder was a bit much at times.

I did like Rob, and Dylan as a couple, and I liked how well they worked together. I loved how Rob never let himself be cowed by Dylan. That Rob wasn't afraid to call him on his attitude, and how respectful Dylan was of him. There was none of the big alpha top vs submissive little bottom dynamics in their sex lives, and it made for a better balanced relationship, and, for me, even hotter sex. It also made the characters feel that much more complex and dynamic. They weren't stereotypes, or roles, but fully developed and nuanced people. I really felt the connection between them, and I loved seeing their interactions. Their banter was truly entertaining.

I loved the secondary characters. They are a varied cast, and are just as real and complicated as the main couple. I love the support system Rob has with most of his roommates. I really enjoyed Max and Christian, and I'm really looking forward to reading their story. That's right I read book two without having read book one, and I didn't feel lost or confused. I think reading the first book will add to the experience, but I didn't feel that I lost out on anything vital waiting and reading it second either.

I really enjoyed the conclusion to this story. It remained true to the complexity and tone of the story, and it really worked well for me. Not everything went as I expected, and I liked that. There were people that disappointed me, and others that defied any ideas I had about them. Overall it was a really strong story about identity and acceptance, love and friendship, and about being true to yourself, and your desires even when you are in the process of discovering what that identity looks like, and what you truly desire. Becoming the person you wish to be is not a simple process, and one I'm not sure really ever really ends, and I love how that plays out in this story. Truly honest, and heartfelt. I can't wait to read more especially after what takes place in the end.

[E · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you, Heidi Belleau, for getting that ever elusive late teen-20 something voice right. Thank you for depicting them as their actual age, doing things that they would actually do and speaking as they would actually speak. Thank you for making them dress well (or not, even) but in such a way that it was relevant to the story and unobtrusive. Thank you for including things like Tumblr and gender positive porn and for, you know, actually doing your research on the subject that you're writing about. Thank you for making a story that I thought I'd be meh about resonate with me so that I finished it with a feeling of affirmation and a huge smile. Thank you for writing about other races (besides just white) in M/M and doing it well. Thank you for not abusing stereotypes and/or using racist descriptors like "exotic" or "dusky skin", etc (PoC aren't "exotic", we're just regular people with different skin tone/facial features than yours). Most of all, thank you for writing about Robert/Bobby in such a positive, sensitive and real way. He felt like someone I knew and have known; he reminded me of friends past and friends I might meet in the future.

The only niggle I had with this book is that I think Bobby and Dylan fell for each other way too quickly, but everything else was spot on in my view.

Alright Heidi, you managed to capture my (overly obsessed with Kpop and fashion, social media loving) interest with your story #First Impressions #Second Chances but, after reading Robert's and Christian's stories, I am now a fan for life.

[Debra ~~ seriously slacking on her reviews ~~ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heidi Belleau does a great job really focusing this story on Rob's exploration and coming to terms with his sexuality.

As we find out early in the story Rob has an online, female, alter-identity he calls Bobby. Rob is shy, and introverted. Bobby is more confident and outgoing than Rob and he feels comfortable when he is her.

"Rob wasn't a girl. Wasn't born one, not physically and not even on the inside. He just liked ... playing one. Dressing up as one.
Rob didn't want to trick anyone, and he especially didn't want to hurt anyone. He just wanted to be a girl sometimes. Because it made him feel good ... Being Bobby, part time, at least, felt right."

When Rob decides that he is going to be Bobby during his shifts working at Rear Entrance Video, things become a little complicated. One night Dylan comes in and strikes up a conversation with Bobby. It turns out that Dylan is also in Rob's art class, but seems to not realize that Rob is Bobby. As Rob and Dylan's relationship grows, Rob has to decide if, when and how he can tell Dylan about Bobby and whether that will be the end of them.

I liked Rob in Apple Polisher and loved him here. His struggle to find himself is very relatable. Most of the first half of the book is focused on Rob and finding out who he really is inside before the story jumps into the relationship, but when the relationship starts it progresses very quickly. Dylan is sweet, and straightforward and proud to be a gay man. There is a little bit of a mystery as to some of his behavior that all becomes clear towards the end.

The secondary characters, including Rob's housemates from Apple Polisher, are all well written and all make an appearance. Rob's sister is a loving, supportive woman (yeah!) and Dylan's family is, well, interesting in a good way.

While this is the second book in the series, it can easily be read as a stand alone story and I highly recommend it.

A copy of the book was provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

[Optimist ♰King's Wench♰ · Rating 4 out of 5]

WARNING: The following review may not be appropriate for all audiences.
Be advised.

I've already confessed my girl crush for this author. This book did not lessen the girl crushin'. Nope. If anything, it increased in intensity a titch. Why, you ask?

She smashed some buttons.


key smash-panties
A hint at future hair pulling *moans*
key depression/smash imminent-hair pulling
As well as biting. *groans*
key tickled-biting

Lordy, Ms. Belleau. UNCLE!

Oh no! She wasn't quite done with the key smashing. Not yet. She had to hit below the belt with the dirty talk.

The kiss deepened. Dylan's hands swept down from Bobby's shoulders, down to cup his tits in their little lace bra through his shirt. "And I'm actually getting into the whole girl thing, to be honest. Hell, lately I've been having this fantasy that we go out, but with you in full girl mode, and you're wearing a short little skirt and at the end of the night I hike it up around your hips and pound you from behind like the pretty little slut you are."
"Oh," Bobby breathed.

Monster Squasm

*puddle*

There's only one key she… ok ok, there are a couple other keys but who's counting?

Bobby is our resident gender questioning hottie in Wallflower. He's cripplingly shy, an art student, Asian with some delicate features that allow him some wiggle room in the gender swapping department. He's adopted a female persona for his online gaming guild and feels more empowered as a woman, finds social situations easier to navigate when he can be seen as "pretty". I'm gonna take it back old school and say Bobby's on a vision quest. Is he transgendered? Does he want to be a woman? Is he a gay man who likes to dress up and pretend he's a woman? Rob's got no clue, but maybe with Bobby's help they can figure it out together.

To aid in his quest is Dylan. An inuit with white parents, a chip on his shoulder, kind of a bad attitude and an all around misanthrope. He's besotted with Rob upon first meeting at Rear Entrance Video. When they meet again in class Dylan shows no signs of recognizing Rob. As you can imagine, this feeds into Rob's feelings of inadequacy and invisibility. After a couple outings as Bobby, Rob musters up the courage to fold some of Bobby into Rob and makes the first move.

I've already covered the sexy times, but if you insist.

Bobby arched, but there was nowhere for him to go, not with that big body bearing down on him. Dylan leaned in close, nipping his earlobe, and whispered, "You want me to fuck that tight little pussy of yours?"
The words were a live wire, charging every single inch of Bobby's body. Every nerve. Every capillary. He moaned and bucked, cock glancing against Dylan's thicker one. "Yes, yes," he groaned back, squirming across the mattress delirious with the pleasure of being pinned in place.
"Show me," Dylan said, and the fingers that had been stroking between Bobby's legs were rubbing his lips instead.

Ms. Belleau's contribution to global warming. She should really steer clear of the polar bears. I'm quite certain they are pissed!

The writing is Belleauian-smart, funny, sarcastic and a bit anti-establishment. The conflict is comparable to Apple Polisher-surrounding trust and poor communication, but I still really enjoyed it. What she did a superb job with is the building anticipation for Straight Shooter. The last fourth of the book I was consumed with Austin questions. On more than one occasion I thought to myself, 'surely the next one is about Austin'. And, guess what? It is. And I've already started it AND Austin has a humiliation fetish.


Hit me! Load me up with the kink, Ms. Belleau. I can take it.

Wallflower is another win for me from this author.

[Chelsea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Re-read - August 2019 - Think that's a record for me, finished that book in 6 hours.

November 2015 - My God I LOVE this book, watching Rob's transformation is just beautiful. It's so well written!!!

"Bobby Ng. Falamboyant, femme, part-time girl but all guy where it counts."


Also thought I'd add a quote from that last scene for your reading pleasure.

"Making it hard for me not to put my Dick in your pretty mouth, but I promised to fill your pussy tonight, and a promise is a promise."



Review

Ah.... so much happiness after reading that book! I love cross dressing stories, I find these characters so interesting to read about, the vulnerability and bravery they go through to admit they like/need something even more excluding than being gay already makes them. I loved that we saw Robs journey through his discovery. And we got a sweet love story athroughout as well.

Dylan was hilarious I loved his blunt and open conversations as well as his gentle giant approach, such the perfect partner to lure Rob from his shyness and insecurities.

OK that last sex scene. ... OH MY GOD!!! That was sooo incredibly hot, I think anytime the word pussy is used in reference to a mans hole... I get those special tingles. . Mmm....

[The FountainPenDiva, Old school geek chick and lover of teddy bears · Rating 5 out of 5]

This gets automatic five stars for both the Asian male on the cover and the fact that the main characters ARE NOT white gay males. Again I say, GLBTQ doesn't equal caucasian and I wish more authors would get that through their thick skulls. It's pretty telling that some are willing to write about a marginalized community and yet continue to deny the visibility of those in that community.

Okay, just finished this and while I loved it overall, it took me a long time to be good with Rob. The whole nerdy, socially inept Asian gamer was too stereotypical for my personal comfort. Asian males tend to really get shafted media-wise. They're either kung-fu, chop-socky types or nerdy sidekicks crafted for comedic effect. If they're slight of build, their masculinity is subsumed. Granted he was an art student and genderqueer which was interesting. Despite my misgivings, Rob started to grow on me as he slowly started coming to terms with Bobby, his feminine self. That struggle and the dangers inherent in defying society's rigid gender rules was powerful and painful (I had to keep from shaking during the scene inside of the store). In spite of my initial misgivings, Rob/Bobby was a well-drawn character overall. Like Christian from the first book, Rob/Bobby was so stuck inside his own head, dealing with so many expectations, that he misjudged quite a deal. I don't like perfect characters, I like when they grow. Rob/Bobby grew as a person. He checked his privilege as a man who also liked being a woman when he realized the issues women dealt with.

Dylan was pretty much WYSIWYG, but deeper. Brash with a sensitive soul. He knows what he wants, who he is. He's not perfect and in a way behaved like a bull in a china shop, but out of the sense that Rob/Bobby didn't trust him enough. I totally got his struggle he faced being indigenous in a white world. He was adopted by white parents, and while he had nothing but praise for them, that sense of being a stranger in a strange land is understandable. As a PoC I get that sense of silent rage, that the dominant culture has expectations (usually negative) about who we are or should be. It's a discussion that many of us have had at varying points in our lives, so Dylan's emotions read true. If one understands basic intersectionalism, readers would understand those feelings.

The exchange at the breakfast table between Dylan, Rob, Christian and Max was priceless, as was Rob's hilarious comeback when he "borrowed" condoms from Noah. Overall this was an excellent sequel if far too short.

[Irina Elena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Alright, it's clear by now that I've fallen in love with Heidi Belleau's stories once again. I just read two of her books in less than twelve hours.

To be honest, I never really warmed up to Rob in the first book in this series. He seemed way too meek - and way too much of a tattletale - for my liking.
But in this story, I found him incredibly sympathetic and easy to love. His struggles, doubts and fears are fully understandable, conveyed in a way that is as clear as possible considering that they're not fully clear even to Rob himself. It's a short book, like Apple Polisher, but the journey it narrates feels neither rushed nor superficial.

It blurs the lines of gender and sexuality, and it blurs them a fuck of a lot, and it's stimulating and fascinating.

Both protagonists (and all of the secondary characters, excluding the antagonist) are quirky, lovable and at times idiotic, which is perfectly realistic, as far as I'm concerned.
Their origins and culture are incorporated in the story in the subtlest way possible, in that they're handled seriously but with no more attention than one would give any other part of a person's identity.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that despite a dozen potential aspects to focus on, none of these is stuck under a spotlight and examined for the entire length of the book, so that it ends up feeling not like a lecture or a lesson, but like a regular love story, except one that is a hundred times more colourful and thought-provoking than the average romance novel.

Bottom line: another win in this series. It's got really sexy sex scenes (unconventional-looking romance protagonists are hot, let me tell you. Just picture wide shoulders, caramel skin and warm softness, and that's all I'm going to say), a bit of stupidity- and fear-induced angst and lots of warm fuzzies and funny dialogue. And some art. It's all-around wonderful.

[Experiment BL626 · Rating 1 out of 5]

I thought this book would be a fun read. I thought WRONG. It was HORRIBLE. I thought, hey, what could go wrong with a main character who is Asian, an art student, and MMORPG addict, a cross dresser, and more importantly, Asian? Represent! Robert sounded like a cool person. Eeeeecccck. Not if he’s an emo. Oh My Gawd was he such an emo.

+ the main character

Robert Ng sucked. Reason number one, he had a Loser Complex the size of a stinking hill of manure. I would have felt bad for him were it not for the fact that the only reason his life was crappy was because he made it crappy. He had no one to blame but himself. He constantly threw one pity party after another. Rarely did his thoughts ever stray from how much he sucked. Honestly, it would have been a miracle if he spent a few seconds to think that other people might have problems too. It would probably blow his mind if he read the news and learned about all the bad things that happen in the world. Robert used up all my patience by chapter two.

Reason number two, his character development was piss poor. Art student, MMORPG addict, and Chinese descent? These traits were window dressings. The reader only ever see him taking one art class, Introduction to Art Principles. While one art class is enough to make him an art student, he was a poor excuse for an art student. He worked in the video store and moped at home more than he ever did anything as an art student. As for the MMORPG part, playing video game a couple times does not constitute a person an “addict,” especially not someone who played two times in the entire story. As for his Chinese background, the main character could have been switched with a white person and it wouldn’t have made a difference. He may have a Chinese last name and Chinese look but other than that, his character was whitewashed.

Reason number three, and this one pissed me off the most, his character was defined by his transgender status. I understood transgender is a big theme in the story, but it came at the cost of developing Robert as a real person. If Robert wasn’t transgender or decided not to be transgender anymore, he would be a nobody in the sense that the trans part of him, his Bobby identity, was the only thing that mattered and without that he’s nothing. Put it another way, it’s kind of like defining a woman by her fertility status. If she can’t pop out a baby, she’s nothing. People are the sum of their parts, and this was forgotten when Robert was developed as a character. The fact that he was an art student, a MMORPG addict, a Chinese-Canadian, a brother, and a son among other things? It was like these things could matter less because whatever.

+ the transgender theme

Ironically, considering the emphasis of the theme, I thought it could have been executed better. Sometimes it came off as the author’s narration instead of Robert’s narration, and it came off as preachy. It was preachy in the sense that the important messages had to be said point-blank because the reader couldn’t be trusted to learn them from the characters’ action. I felt this diminished the impact of the messages.

I also got the feeling that the one of the reasons Robert became Bobby, his female self, was because he was uncomfortable with his homosexuality and needed a safe way to express it. It seemed like half of the time he became Bobby, he flirted with guys or had lusty thoughts about men. After all, it is hard to be rejected or worse, gay-bashed if one is a pretty girl and not a shy weak gay male. Plus, towards the end he didn’t feel the desire to be excessively effeminate when he tried on an androgynous look and didn’t mind being a man for Dylan.

+ the plot

It wasn’t till the middle of the book that the romance finally started and the emo part was put on a break, if only for a few seconds. One thing that jarred me was the weak sense of time. Where did Robert have the time to play video games, go to college, take yoga with his sister, work in a video store, date Dylan, and most importantly, mope? The answer is he didn’t because some of his roles were window dressing. The one part the plot did get right was Robert working in the video store, Rear Entrance Video, which is the name of the series. I get the feeling that if it wasn’t the name of the series, Robert being a video store worker would have been on the wayside along with the other roles.

My least favorite part of the book was the sexual assault. It felt too much like obligatory external conflict and a very cheap way to push the main character into self-reflection and growth. Yay, another book where rape is used as a plot device. /sarcasm. Well, the bright side was that the bad guy got his comeuppance.

Finally, I didn’t care for the smut. If there was anything that could have redeemed the story for me, a smut freak, it would be the smut. While the sexy times were hot, they were on the low side of hot, even with the sexy dirty talk.

+ what I liked

The only part I liked was Dylan. He had issues but he was likeable and very enjoyable to read about. Not to mention his character development wasn’t whitewashed on an oversight. I would like to say Dylan could do better than Robert but that’s only because I don’t like Robert. I hate to admit it but Robert and Dylan do make a good match.

Conclusion

I rate Wallflower 1-star for I didn’t like it. The first half was unbearable to read. The second half was barely tolerable. I would have enjoyed the book if Robert wasn’t emo. Had he been like Dylan was, confident and couldn’t care less about what other people think (or pretend not to care), I would have enjoyed the book. A kickass crossdresser, now there’s a main character I can get behind with.

[Sandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this 2nd installmenet of the REV series (Rear Entrance Videos, a title that fits so perfectly), we get to delve deeper into Rob's life. You'll remember Rob as one of the roommates in Apple Polisher (which you don't have to read for this book, but which you should read anyway), who jumped in with Noah and Austin when Christian needed help, but not much else was revealed about him then.

Well, this book is all about Rob. And Bobby.

Rob is shy. Prefers to stay in the shadows, afraid to make new friends, is socially awkward. He knows he's attracted to boys, and he quite likes the fact that he has a penis. Still, he's not entirely sure that he's all man.

Because there's also Bobby, Rob's online MMORPG persona, who's all girl and flirty and confident. She can joke and talk with the boys during the game, she is funny and smart and all the things Rob wants to be in real life.

Rob is what I would call gender-confused. I don't think he can be classified as transgender, because he likes the essential piece identifying him as male - his penis. But he also fantasizes about having a vagina. And boobs. Small boobs, nothing too in your face, but boobs nonetheless.

And then Rob meets Dylan in his Art class in college. Dylan is gay, out and proud, and interested in Rob. Rob can't believe Dylan might be interested in him.

Having set up the premise for the book, Heidi Belleau then proceeds to deftly infuse the angst and the drama. With self-deprecating snark, Rob stumbles through the dilemma of falling for Dylan, questioning his gender, testing the waters and getting himself into a big heap of trouble, in more ways than one.

I wanted to hug him through most of the book. Hold him close, pat his back and tell him to just be honest and fucking communicate with Dylan. But then, I'm much older, and Rob is only 19, saddled with the confusion and stupidity that is part of growing up.

There were a couple of moments where I got a little angry, with Rob, with Dylan and especially with Adam, who's portrayed as a complete sleezeballish molesting asshole. The scenes with Adam earned this book it's non-con shelving. Just so you know.

We spend the entire book in Rob's 3rd person limited POV, while he tries to figure out his identity. Which is good, because it allows the reader to become fully immersed in the character and experience all the highs, the lows, the confusion and the eventual HFN (hey, this is a romance, after all), but the author also manages, with dialogue and narrative, to give glimpses into the other characters' motivations, even if Rob completely misses the hints. He's too busy being emo questioning himself to pay the required attention, which for this character made complete sense.

The dialogue is just as awesome as the first book, with lots of zingers and tons of snark. And yet, there is so much emotion in it too, and Heidi Belleau stays consistent with her realistic portrayal of her complex characters.

The ending made me cry, it was so perfect. Damn you, Heidi, for doing that to me, but oh, it was so worth it. <3

I'm particular impressed with this author's choice to go outside of the generic romance novel and use characters that don't fit the usual profile. They're not all white, not all rich, not all manly man confident and devastatingly handsome. With huge chests and muscles. Oh, no, sirree - her characters are skinny, a little on the pouchy side or have some other non-traditional romance look. They're also flawed, but sympathetic all the same. They're the kind of people you want to meet IRL. And where oftentimes, the women in an M/M romance are portrayed as either plain evil or some other kind of caricature, in this series they're just as real and realistic as the boys. Rob's sister, Christian's aunt, Dylan's mom - they felt like people I know, and they all brought something special to the story.

And I applaud the author's choice of making Rob Asian and Dylan a native Inuit. Not often done, but I wish more authors would cast non-traditional romance characters. Heidi's choice made this book even more special.

Gosh, how about Dylan? I loved him. He's so in your face outspoken and doesn't take crap from anyone. And yet, he's also sincere and intuitive and sweet and kind and perfect for Rob. Even though he keeps a couple of secrets of his own. One of which I had figured out fairly quickly, but Rob unfortunately didn't.

Suffice it to say, after this long review, that I loved this book. And I hope, I wish, I demand that Austin gets a book of his own. I want his grumpy ass to fall in love. Preferably with a guy. It would serve him right.

I can hardly wait.

Go, buy Wallflower. Read it. Rejoice.

I received a free ARC from Riptide Publishing via Netgalley. A positive review was not promised in return.

[Christina Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

So, I loved Wallflower. That love can pretty much entirely be attributed to Rob.

I’ve said it before, but I love Heidi Belleau’s characters. The way she handles character growth is AMAZING. I find her characters to be so realistic. They are conflicted, they delude themselves, and they don’t always posses high levels of self-awareness. But they grow, they confront their inner turmoil, and eventually it leads to these enormously satisfying, epiphany-like moments. I don’t know how else to explain it. But that moment where everything just comes together, it’s perfection. Now, all that’s not to say that these characters are always likeable. In fact, that’s probably why I find them so relatable. They aren’t perfect. They are real.

I personally found Rob likeable. No, I lied. I found him downright loveable. Although, I’m sure that won’t be the case for everyone. In the beginning he is socially awkward, has low self-esteem, and goes through life feeling (or making himself) invisible. I really liked the way his character development progresses in the book. I feel like there was a painstaking amount of attention paid to the little details. The way he works through everything, figures out his identity, and gets to the point where he is finally happy with himself is truly well done.

Dylan was equally great. Although, I didn’t feel like I got to know him as well as Rob. That is largely due to the fact that the book is told from Rob’s POV. I did feel that parts of their romance were a bit rushed. Not the initial getting together, but the falling in love. I just didn’t feel like they knew enough about each other, or that they were at the point where they would realistically be in love. I just didn’t buy it. It felt similar to when I was in high school and a friend would tell me that they fell in love over the weekend (I remained skeptical, but grudgingly open to the idea there was a chance, the slightest, wafer-thin possibility that things would work out). It is entirely possible that this is what I was supposed to feel. Because it is realistic in the sense that Rob and Dylan are young, in lust, filled with feelz, and declarations naturally follow.

This book deals with so much (sexism, homophobia, gender, sexuality, racism in various forms, and I’m sure I’m forgetting something). I’m a little in awe of just how much and how gracefully it’s all worked into the plot.

Wallflower is thought-provoking and wonderfully written. It’s going straight to my favorites pile, and I can’t wait to read the next one!

*ARC courtesy of Riptide Publishing via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

4 Stars



More reviews at The Morning After Romance

[Heller · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were a lot of things that I enjoyed about this book. Rob/Bobby was the main thing that made this a fabulous read. I really enjoyed reading his struggle with how he perceived himself: male, female, a combination of both. His thought process, how he made his transformations all of that really helped to make this something unique and very different from any other M/M I've read. Unfortunately though, Dylan felt like a blank wall to me. I really needed to know more about what he was thinking because he was just too enigmatic for me and seemed to exist only as Bobby's other half. I needed something more from this that wasn't just Bobby inferring Dylan's feelings or motivations. A good read, just not a great one.

[Sunny · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was confused through most of the story, confused by characters, by words, by actions, but there were moments of clarity...brilliant moments that made this worth a read.

[Jeanne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thanks for trying, but ugh!

This was a tough one. After I stopped reading Wallflower I had to take a break to gather my thoughts. I wanted to explain my issues with it without just writing off as a huge offensive mess, because it isn't a bad book. However it does have some big problems. I'm going to do my best to tackle my issues with the book, while still giving it credit for trying.

To be fair, I went into reading Wallflower with the expectation that it was about an open/out trans/genderqueer character finding love, which it is not. That expectation in combination with how the issues of gender and ethnic identity, as well as racism, were mishandled ruined the book for me.

This isn't a bad book. In fact, I really enjoyed parts of it, like the main character and the authentic feel of the dialogue. The writing and characterizations are very strong. Rob's story is refreshing and compelling in that it deals with how gender identity, sexuality and culture affects how people views themselves, other people and navigate through life in general. I think we need more books that tackle how all these things are interconnected.

It was also wonderful to see a non-white character not only at the center of the story, but to see their romantic partner be person of color too. That is so rare even in mainstream romance novels. It also doesn't make their ethnicity a footnote, but instead puts both Rob and Dylan’s ethnicity at the forefront of the narrative. Even though I have issues with how their ethnicity is handled, I still appreciate the effort at representation was made. Rob's experience of being Asian is an integral part of his point of view. Societies' view of Asian women is especially influential in how Rob constructs a female persona to expresses his sexuality, and why that persona and Rob's view of women are so problematic, but I'll go into that a little later.

Wallflower provides a narrative for that quiet person in the background who people see, but may never truly notice. It places that soft spoken, complex person at the center of their own story. For that, I think it is a wonderful book.

Unfortunately, there were some big problems that took away from my enjoyment of this story and left me so frustrated I couldn't finish. While I feel the intention of this book came from a good place the impact wasn't so great. Let me be clear, I think this book tried to be inclusive, and fair in its representation of gender fluidity, homosexuality and ethnicity, but I think it failed more often than it succeeded, especially when it came to handling racism.

There is also a lot of casual transphobia, misgendering and general ignorance about gender indignity in Rob's internal monologue, which is understandable given his character's ignorance about these issues and his own struggle with own identity. Unfortunately since Rob is the primary POV in story there isn't a lot, if any facts presented to counter the misinformation (at least up to the point I stopped reading).

Now, it's important to clarify that I did stop reading at 30%, though I did skim through the rest and found even more disturbing issues in the later parts of the book. Many of the issue may have been resolved later in the book, but I think it is really important to understand that if a book like this starts out with these issues it might trigger or just frustrate readers so intensely they will never make it through the rest of the book. Such was the case with me.

I was able to deal with Rob transphobic remarks, and the fact that I thought I was reading a book about a trans or gender fluid person, but in fact was told repeatedly in Rob's own narrative that he was a gay man, who only occasionally tried on the persona of a woman online. What began to wear on me was Rob's distorted view of female sexuality and femininity, specifically his perspective on Asian women.

It was really jarring to see an Chinese character's view of Asian women being based on very ignorant, arguably racist, ideas that were closer to the "Kawaii Cutie" fetish porn mention in the book, than anything closest to reality. Rob even comments on these distorted, cartoony objectifying fantasies of Asian women in porn and media, but then he himself looks at Asian women in his daily life and even constructs his female persona using that same racist lens. Rob even notes, with envy, these women's "stereotypical" clothing, petite bodies, and docile mannerism.

While this is a prime example of how internalized racism and sexism can influence someone’s perception of femininity, female sexuality, and especially women of color, I’m not sure that it was done so intentionally in this book. As far as I read, Rob is never called out on or educated about his distorted views, namely to explain that being sexually objectified by white men isn't a privilege or something to envy. It is dehumanizing, and often feeds into sexual violence against women of color. This trend of mishandled issues of racism only continues throughout the story.

It is especially off putting because the narrative is so aware of racism, and the differences in how both Rob and Dylan (who is Inuit) are treated. I felt like there was a very legitimate attempt to be true to the experiences of a person of color in the world. There are moments in the book that hit a home run in that regard, but there are also many huge missteps. Some were so bad, so offensive I wanted to throw my Kindle across the room.

Two people, especially people of color, trading racist insults like affectionate pet names while in a romantic relationships is not okay, especially cracking racist jokes in the middle of sex. Let me say that again: CRACKING RACIST JOKES IN THE MIDDLE OF SEX! Oh yeah, it happened.

There is nothing okay about a Native American man's lover making a horribly racist joke about his culture while he is a physically and emotionally vulnerable position. The lover being Chinese doesn't make it okay either. Telling a reader that a relationship where this kind of behavior is healthy, balanced and loving is an offensive lie.

No matter how you slice this kind of disgusting behavior, it is always offensive and an attempt to normalize it, especially doing so in the context of a loving romantic relationship is problematic to say the least.

Imagine a heterosexual man is about to have sex with a woman he loves for the first time and he jokes about her being a stupid slut who probably has an STD. Or a white gay man who is about to have sex with a black man, who calls him a dirty n-word. How is this love? How is it even funny?

The book is littered with racist jokes and stereotyping, often delivered under the guise of ironic humor, and the assumption that because they’re spoke by characters of color is that it is “okay.” IT IS NOT OKAY!

Not to mention, it is especially problematic when a white author uses a fictional character of color as an avatar to tell racist jokes and racist comments in a fictional context that normalizes racism. Which is exactly what is happening here.

Racism is racism, racist jokes are not some how better or less dehumanizing or less offense because they come from the mouth of a person of color. Despite the fact that there are many people of color who do this in real life, it’s important to understand the reason they do it is they’ve internalized racism to the point that they don’t even realize they are perpetuating it.

This treatment of racism normalizes it, allowing readers to see it as “not that bad” or “okay” under certain circumstances. It even frames dehumanizing, racist humor in a way that makes readers who are adamantly against racism laugh at racist jokes and to even find casual racism endearing. That's a big fucking problem.

People need to stop buying into the lie that we can defeat, or overcome racism by regurgitating it through humor and media. All it does is make people more comfortable with racism and perpetuates the misguided belief that it isn’t as much of a problem as it still is. Racism is still a very real problem, and the fact that people of color have to deal with it being used as causal humor (during a sex scene) in a romance novel featuring two characters of color as the leads is proof of that!

I would not recommend this book to any person of color, and trans/genderqueer/gender fluid readers. I would especially warn away anyone sensitive to racism, transphobia or sexism. This may be a book featuring gay people of color, but it isn’t friendly for any of us.

PS If you're going to comment to explain to me that people of color can be racist, and/or how this kind of humor is "different" because [insert incredibly ignorant reason here] don't bother. You're only going to embarrass yourself and annoy me.

[Xan · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book contains a romance arc between 2 characters of color, a cis gay man and a non-binary gay man. But it centers the non-binary man's exploration of his gender identity as the *main* arc.

It seemed like it could have been well-intentioned, in that it was an attempt to not shy away from the ways racism impacted the lives of these two characters of color, and it imagined a caring chosen family for the central POV character and a HFN ending that included celebration of the central character's coming out as non-binary, and changes in one of the core settings in the book to make it supposedly safer.

That said, I do not rec this book. I do not think it succeeded in it's aims. I feel that it reproduced the racism and transmisogyny it was attempting to challenge. It feels like the author maybe wasn't deeply aware she was handling explosive weapons, especially with regard to racism and transmisogyny, because in many ways it feels like they are tossed about carelessly and casually and in great abundance as if they couldn't possible be hurtful.

The POV MC is targeted by an intense amount of misogynist and transmisogynist racism and violence in a rather constant barrage throughout 90% of the book. There is little relief from it, and the level of self loathing, internalized misogynist and transmisogynist racism, and self blame for the violence is really intense and constant.

The intermittent moments of sweetness in the story are pretty much all steeped in eroticism, but they are very much a minefield where at any moment the story can turn on a dime towards misogyny, racism, or transmisogyny (like the awful moment when two characters of color crack racist jokes at each other during sex). And, I found the way eroticism and gender identity intertwined for the character particularly difficult to read, as it seemed to be wholly unconscious of the transmisogynist stereotypes it was invoking. Again, it felt careless and unconscious of the fact that it was handling explosive transmisogynist weapons.

The amount of time devoted to describing misogynist and transmisogynist racist violence in the story vastly overtakes pretty much anything else going on in the story. And because of the MCs intense internalization of these things, there is little challenge to how they are working in the story. Instead, they seem to be presented as the "true reality" for the MC, the fundamental shaping force behind the MCs gender identity, the core of the conflict between the love interests.

I found the introduction of a "cautionary tale" element in the depiction of the transmisogynist racist sexual violence to be especially difficult to take. The story communicated that the racist transmisogynist and misogynist sexual violence was both inevitable because the MC was trans, and also the MCs fault for not being more careful and for being closeted about being trans. The fact that the most intensely violent moment in the story was also at the center of the conflict between the love interests was a particularly bad moment for me as a reader.

The utopic solution that was presented for the violence ignored the ways transmisogyny, misogyny and racism are deeply and violently embedded in queer communities. The MC who experienced the violence had very little agency in the creation of the solution or the response to the violence; I had quite a bit of difficulty with that as well.

The surprise reveal of a minor character's transness at the end of the story was another thing I had quite a bit of difficulty with. This is an incredibly overused trope that is steeped in transmisogyny and it was done in the service of deeper understanding of a cis character, which felt especially careless. Particularly since this story centered a trans character who deeply needed other trans folks and was deeply isolated from them (which honestly felt unrealistic in a contemp story set in a major city with a big trans community and centering an MC who was online all the time).

I wanted so much more from this book. There are so few stories centering queer folks of color loving each other, so few stories centering trans folks of color getting happy endings, so few romances centering non-binary characters, particularly characters of color. This one, unfortunately, I cannot recommend.

[Elizabetta · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars

We’re back with the housemates and friends of book one, Apple Polisher, who all now work shifts at the Rear Entrance Video (I keep wanting to type ‘rear entry’) store, helping Christian and his ailing aunt with keeping the business running.

This time the focus is on Rob. We remember him as the shy, quiet, diminutive Asian guy who was always getting lost in the… well, he’s a wallflower. But, he has a secret, inner persona, a feminine side, just wanting to bust out and bloom.

It’s great that a lot of the important action takes place in the seedy video shop that specializes in porn and sex toys. The customers are always colorful, sometimes shady, and even occasionally, dangerous… Interesting that working there helps Rob come out of his shell.

The author does very well giving us a world filled with ordinary, regular people (well, except for Rob’s sister, Bernice. She’s pretty fabulous.), who look like ordinary, real people with real world concerns. Kudos for the interracial/intercultural ’ships too, not seen enough in the genre.

The writing is very strong as it effectively colors the characters with interesting underlying traits… gender-bending, transgender, transsexual, cross dressing… we get a look at Rob’s exploring another side to his sexuality. How does he figure out what he really wants? Will he be accepted by friends and family? What dangers does he risk from ignorant bullies and bashers? Rob deals with all of these. Also…

How he explores this other side becomes an issue with Rob in the story… Role-play and flirting has consequences in some of his online and real life interactions as he tests out his feminine side. (So interesting in a world where connectivity through social media and the internet allows for lots of personal inventiveness.)

The story examines some of these concerns without hitting me over the head with them… though the romance at times takes a back seat to Rob’s processing. We see Rob grow into something more as he tests out his ‘softer’ side and boundaries. Rob makes it clear throughout the story that he is happy being a guy; he isn’t interested in changing himself anatomically. He just wants to be accepted to explore his fem side, while still ‘being a boy’ for Dylan.

The other characters dim somewhat in comparison to Rob. I wish we had a little more of Dylan. He’s Rob’s love interest and an Inuit comic book artist (could have used a lot more of that !!) who was adopted into a white family. His sister is a porn actress. Dylan obviously comes from a diverse background that sounds fascinating on its own.

Something that threw me is that things happen pretty fast for Rob and Dylan. Dylan goes from being one of the vid shop customers to falling in love so quickly it made me dizzy. While reading, it didn’t seem in keeping with his wise-ass, stand-offish character built in the beginning of the story when he we also see him as a classmate of Rob’s. This is addressed as we eventually find out more about Dylan and his family and background. We see why he is so open to Rob, but the pacing is off in the developing romance and this took some adjusting to. Still, Dylan’s wonderfulness is in what he gives Rob by the end of the story, and that’s what really counts.

In the end, I want to believe in Dylan and Rob, that they fulfill each other, so I’m happy to be left rooting for them. A note: This book can be read as a stand-alone but to get Rob’s full story it would be best to read Apple Polisher first.

For this review, give-aways, author interviews, and much more:

[Mtsnow13 · Rating 5 out of 5]

I actually really enjoyed this one! I loved the way gender identity was handled, and like that the author did not attempt a 'one box fits all' approach.

The idea that a Native-American and an Asian-American (Canadian:)) might struggle with the preconceived notions that others may place on them, and that they struggle each in their own way not to be identified by their 'race' or culture...well, I thought it was handled well. The fact that they are both art students was appreciated, too, with their final projects and the tour of the museum helping to set up later thought processes (smiles).

I identify with the way Rob gets validation through his gaming, and appreciate he didn't run away from a situation, but actually went back to address it. Nice touch, and showed kindness and social responsibility.

The transgender or gender-queer issue could have been a heavy topic, but the author made it actually fun, believable, and the little twist at the end was nice, and helped explain why Dylan was how he was... I almost cried a few times, and actually finished with a smile on my face! Nothing really drastic or angsty. Just a feel-good read.

Would definitely recommend to anyone with an open mind, and it has a sweet conclusion. Most definitely reading the next in the series.

Note: all supporting characters are lovable, too!

[Shirley Frances · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75 stars

I've been sitting on this review for a week trying to make up my mind about my rating. On the one hand, it had all the elements I look for in a great book.

~Complex and compelling main characters that kept my attention throughout.
~A unique approach to an issue that is rarely dealt in books.
~Heidi Belleau's usual sizzling factor to her sex scenes.
~Humorous and engaging interactions.

Then there were the things that I couldn't overlook.

~Slow-paced start that made it a bit hard for me to stay on course.
~Not enough emphasis on the 'romance' between the main characters.

As you can see the pros outweigh the cons at first glace, but for me the focus of the story should have been the romance aspect in the story. That's why I arrived at a middle ground and settled on a rating that I think balances what I loved and disliked about the story.

Rob's struggles to embrace his Bobby 'persona' was not like anything I have read before, so maybe that factored in my enjoyment of this story. This applies mainly to the beginning of the story where I wasn't clear on what Rob was struggling with. Once, I understood what Rob was struggling with, I was able get through this hurdle.

I admired Heidi Belleau's efforts in bringing to the page a unique storyline to the page. The story was packed-full of emotions and engaging moments. She made it easy for me to understand where Rob was coming from by giving me direct insight into his struggles accepting his other half. I enjoyed how Rob grew as a person and came to accept his needs.

Rob was shy and sweet and very passionate. His Bobby persona was more outgoing and confident and I was happy to see him finally find a happy medium between the two. As an extremely shy person myself, I wanted to comfort him while he struggled with letting go of his insecurities.

I think Rob and Dylan were perfect for each other. I loved Dylan's personality, which contrasted so much with Rob's that it balanced them out and complimented the connection they had. I wish I had gotten the chance to experience more of them together.

And here in lies my biggest problem with this story.

Maybe if more of the time Dylan and Rob spent together made it into the page, I could get over this aspect of the story that bothered me. I don't deny that they had a connection, I just wanted to see it developed further. There's also no denying the chemistry they shared. Despite being shy, Rob was a very passionate person and when he unleashed that side of him...holy hell, those were some steamy scenes that Heidi Belleau wrote!

However, I still think that as a romance, Wallflower lacked that essential element of 'getting to know' one another as individuals before declarations of love come into play.

All in all, Wallflower was a touching story about a young man struggling with accepting himself. I commend the author for bringing Rob's struggles to the page and making him shine. Yes, Wallflower had its flaws but in the end it was worthy addition to the Rear Entrance Video series where, so far, the characters have fallen out of the norm of what's expected in the M/M genre.

I received this title from the publisher in exchange of my honest opinion.

[Adam · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

I've come to expect the following from Heidi Belleau: good writing, a sweet romance, some hot sex, and a bit of social commentary. 'Wallflower' delivers in every category.

It takes a while for the romance to get started. For the first 40% or so of the book, Rob and Dylan are practically strangers. They run in to each other a few times, either in a shared class or at the adult video store where Rob works, but their interactions aren't that long or romantic.

Instead, most of the first half of 'Wallflower' focuses on Rob as he discovers and comes to accept how his sexuality and gender identity differs from the "normal". Rob knows that his adoption of a female persona, Bobby, has more to do with his gender identity than a simple cross-dressing kink. The author does a very good job of portraying Rob/Bobby's journey without becoming lecture-like.

Once Rob and Dylan begin dating, they move fairly quickly. It's borderline insta-love. Usually I'm not a fan of that, but in this I case I enjoyed their cute love affair and the quick jump to love. I can overlook my annoyance with insta-love if I truly believe that the couple were meant to be.

Rob and Dylan were perfect for each other. They understood the other's quirks and built each other up. I was grinning throughout the book. Also, the two burned up the bed sheets, and that's always a plus in my books.

If you're looking for something that's different and very easy to read, I'd recommend 'Wallflower'. It can be read as a stand-alone.

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

WOW! Just, WOW! This story so worked for me! Rob/Bobby grabbed me by the heart and just wouldn't let go! I freakin' LOVED this story! It was wonderful in so many ways and let's not look over the fact that it was HOT! But, that is not really why I am so crazy about this story... Ms. Belleau took a long list of "unusual" factors and put them together in such a way that you find yourself wondering why aren't there more books dealing with this subject... Rob's search for his true self wasn't an easy nor safe search... but, Dylan didn't let him down! And then there is the whole Chinese/Canadian and Inuit aspect of the story... I have only ever read one other M/M book with a MC of native Alaskan origins. I am sure there are others, perhaps I will come across another one some day!

I enjoyed visiting with the guys from the first book and look forward to reading Straight Shooter... I think we are about to learn a bit more about our brooding Austin! *grin*

[Thomaidha Papa · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5~4 Hearts

Review written for MM Good Book Reviews


And this reviewer’s inner geek thrilled with this book.

So yeah, my former addiction with MMORPG’s is not hidden, the fact that I simply love those games and especially the ones that contain elves and orcs in there are my absolute favs. So when I picked up this particular book I was already biased, but add to that the cross-dressing character and a fabulous writing and damn, this was a very, very enjoyable read for me.

So yeah, the book starts a bit slowly and steadily introduces us Rob. At first I disliked that slow pace (I’m much fonder of the fast and furious pace where events hit you full force), but I admit that in order to truly appreciate Rob/Bobby you needed a bit of time and some clarifications.
Rob/Bobby is this very confused young man. An online game addict with a very shy personality Rob is the classic “loser”. He goes completely ignored by everyone (literally) except his sister and his online friends. Yeah, his sister has an obligation toward him right, so she can’t ignore him, but even his “friends” don’t know the real him simply because in-game Rob is Bobby.

Bobby is flirtatious, confident and social. She is admired and always cool. Bobby is still non-existent up until Rob decides to make her part-real IRL too. And while he passed for female, making his customers at the video club he works finally looking at him/her, acknowledging him and telling him he’s pretty, a strange thing happens. Rob gets some confidence as well (was it Bobby’s influence or his new classmate/customer Dylan’s) and he starts a relationship. Miracle of miracles and his boyfriend Dylan not only looks at him, but literally starts loving him. However Dylan has made one thing clear since the beginning, he’s gay and he likes his men all man…

This was a very well-studied plot in my opinion, one that made me want to re-read this book to truly appreciate it. Things that are a bit mysterious at the beginning lead you on on the wrong path (or at least they did me) and only near the end the complete clarification comes, after many twists and turns that were steadily building up that tension that the beginning lacked. The entire confusion Rob’s character suffered was practically brilliant and very believable. The essence of the twenty years old who’s not 100% sure of what, why or how was perfectly captured and that whole angst people that age pass through was delivered without the additional burden of unnecessary drama.

The relationship between Dylan and Rob may have made it into my favorite couples list, they were so well suited. I loved them both together and separately as characters. Dylan was just wow. The fact that he was a punk looking teddy-bear was adorable, the in your face, no-censor brain-to-mouth and the flawed external appearance were simply brilliant and invigorating. Rob’s complicated personality along with the lovely presentable Chinese appearance made him a lovable character as well. Yeah there were times where you wanted to spank the hell out of him, but that’s just proof of how alive that character came to be for you while reading, a treat actually and a mark that the author did well with giving him life.

So yeah, I loved the story, the plot, the characters, the sex (yeah definitely that, quite hot). I loved the geeky guy, I loved the cross-dressing guy and I could go on and on, but in the end what matters is that if you find the above slightly appealing I strongly recommend you give this one a shot. It’s guaranteed to be an enjoyable read.

P.S. I wonder is the next book going to be Austin’s story? Hmm, I really, really hope so.

Thommie

[Nic · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm going to be honest (not that I'm not usually!).....I wouldn't have chosen to read this book based on the blurb alone. I'm not overly attracted to stories of geeky gamers and Rob's 'lacy little secret' made me nervous. This book ended up on my Kindle purely because I had read book one in the series Apple Polisher and have an almost obsessive compulsion to complete reading any series I start. In this case, I am really thankful for this because I enjoyed the book.

Heidi Belleau provided a fascinating insight into a character with major internal conflict exacerbated by a low sense of self-worth.

"Whatever little fantasies Rob had about alternate realities, in this world, men were men and women were women, whether you were born that way or you had a sex-change or whatever, that part didn't matter. What mattered was that you couldn't be both."

"And besides, Rob wasn't a girl. Wasn't born one, not physically and not even on the inside. He just liked....playing one. Dressing up as one."

The strength of the story lay in how Rob dealt with this own feelings, how he grew as a person, from the shy and introverted young man with low esteem, to the much stronger man, able to acknowledge his true self. The support and understanding provided by his boyfriend Dylan was wonderful and I enjoyed this character's own conflict with the situation. How does a gay man who is attracted to men start a relationship with a gay man who likes to dress as a woman?

3.5 stars

Visit my blog if you want to see my m/m reviews in one place! Because Two Men Are Better Than One!

[Sunne · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book with a touchy subject. Personally I would have said that Rob is genderfluid. It’s not called this way in the book so maybe I’m wrong in my perception. But I can say that from my POV Heidi Belleau did a convincing story for Rob, his “way” to find his own identity. And I loved that he - asides from his own confusion about his wish to sometimes be a girl but also be a guy - wasn’t the stereotype social awkward shy guy all the time. Because being shy and not able to communicate to strangers or in larger groups doesn’t mean a person is that way all the time. The moment he felt comfortable with Dylan, his own stronger personality was able to come out. As a person who had struggled with shyness as a teenager I can assure everybody, Rob’s boldness does not contradict his awkwardness and shyness.
So I love his multilayered personality .
Dylan is right in your face open, a perfect match for Rob because while he shows a certain consideration he also isn’t afraid to just ignore Rob’s shell.
They slip quite easily into their relationship and are not afraid to just “go with the flow”. Of course Rob’s/Bobby’s own confusion about him/herself complicates it a bit and Bobby learns the hard way that being a girl doesn’t mean everything is easier for her/him.
While I thought the first book of this series was nice to read but just okay – this one is a hit for me.

[Kaje Harper · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book does a very credible job of showing us a main character who is gender-fluid. Rob is a gay man, and he likes that part of himself. But he also likes dressing up as Bobby and being a girl. His female persona is more outgoing and confident than Rob usually manages on his own. But he's confused, because he doesn't really feel trans, like he wants to change his gender. Fitting the parts of himself into one workable whole isn't easy, and we get to go along on the realistic and sometimes rocky journey.

Rob meets Dylan, the first guy who's managed to make a connection with Rob, not just for sex but to something deeper. The problem is that Dylan is gay, which means he wants to date another guy, and Rob isn't sure that he'll have any interest in Bobby. What do you do, when the guy you want is probably only interested in half of you? Especially when you don't know how big a part of your life that other half really will be?

Dylan's a bit too good to be true, although he's eventually given a reason for that. In some ways, having Dylan be so understanding made Rob's journey easier than I anticipated or wanted. But I enjoyed this book, especially meeting Rob, whose confusion and bad choices felt real and human. There is a real dearth of books with gender-fluid characters, especially as the romantic MCs, and this is a very welcome addition to that list.

[Alex]

I love this so.

[A · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was able to get and arc through NetGalley of this title, and I was thrilled. I recently read Apple Polisher, the first book in this series, and loved it! Rob, the main character in Wallflower, was well established within the first title. I wanted to see more of him and learn his story, and Wallflower delivered in giving that to me. I have no doubt in my mind I’m going to be reading the next novel in the series. I would have given this book 5 stars, save for the very end of it.

Wallflower broke barriers I’ve seen in M/M fiction, just by featuring a character with gender identity questions, and I think that needs to be praised and we need to have more of that in queer romances! That being said, I can’t decide if how I really feel about this novel. The ending left be a bit cold. This, largely, has to do with how Rob/Bobby’s genderqueerness is handled, particularly in relationship with Dylan.

Rob and Bobby are two separate personas, for lack of a better word, of one person when the novel opens. Bobby is Rob’s online female persona on a WoW type MMORPG. It was extremely exciting as Rob’s desire to be feminine and Bobby is explored the first few pages. As someone who has gone through gender identity questioning, it rang rather true to me. I loved seeing Rob develop into Bobby, and incorporate Bobby into Rob. It was messy, and honest.

SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT

Rob keeps his persona as Bobby away from Dylan, not wanting to cross that line. When it does finally come out that Dylan knows Rob is Bobby, it feels like he essentially tells Rob he needs to either be or a man or a woman, he can’t be both. While Rob/Bobby is coming to the conclusion that he is both.

This is where my problem comes in. Dylan is gay and stated to only be attracted to men. If Rob transitioned into Bobby (a female), he’d no longer be interested in dating Bobby. When Dylan is already attracted to Rob. Already dating him and with him. That made me super uncomfortable.
So when Rob does decide that he’s both Rob and Bobby, male and femme, he comes out and makes up with Dylan. He takes on the name Bobby and drops Rob, but keeps masculine pronouns. Dylan and he pick up their relationship, and in the final sex scene Bobby tries to slip away and change out of his bra and panties, telling Dylan: “You like men. I want to be a man for you.”

Dylan responds with “You are a man for me, Bobby. You’re a man who likes pretty little bras….and that doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all. I love it.” He then goes on to say “I just meant I wanted you to know in your heart you were a man.”

Now I wasn’t only super uncomfortable, I was angry. Dylan seemed to completely dismiss Bobby’s identity as a genderqueer, masculine identified, person. And Bobby seemed TOTALLY OKAY with hiding that aspect of who he was for Dylan.

I know gender and gender performance are highly personal, but I was really upset at how this novel ended. The whole of Wallflower lead me to believe that Bobby was genderqueer, of the variety that identified as male and female. That the story was about him coming to terms with his gender. Dylan does, shortly after the quoted lines, does say that he's getting used to Bobby's "Girl thing" but it was just too late and not enough.

The ending stripped that away completely, and made it about coming to terms with being femme. And it just didn’t ring true to me at all. I would hope Bobby would break it off with Dylan and find someone who was okay with him being both a man and a woman at the same time.

[Ariadna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Actual rating is 3.2

(The NB character uses male pronouns throughout the novel. Since the story's written from that character's POV, I'm following that character's pronoun preference in my review.)

I picked this one up as part of a reading challenge for the Non-Binary MC square. FTR, I haven't read many (if any) books with characters with NB gender so I was deffo game to read this novel. In addition, the NB character happened to be Chinese-Canadian and I thought/hoped the story would delve a little into the theme of race and d so in a non-disastrous way.

What I liked

+ POC MCs AHOY!

How many non-terrible M/M books are there that has not one but TWO MCs who happen to be POCs? And, of those non-terrible M/M books, how many feature a gay Inuit dude?

One of the things I liked the most was that the author didn't handwave the fact that neither MC is white. Robert has had to deal with the expectation of pursing a career away from arts. OTOH, it was neat to see him grow more confident on who he was as a person (from isolated hardcore gamer who had only begun to tip-toe around the fact that he wasn't only a dude to NB person with a boyfriend and friends who understood and embraced him.) His friendship with the MMORPG guy was v. sweet too.


Meanwhile, Dylan, who was adopted by a progressive white couple, tends to feel a level of frustration because he doesn't fit in society's ideal about what Inuits are supposed to be like. I do applaud the fact that Dylan didn't have doubts about who he'd been attracted to.

+ Robert/Dylan

They were a cute couple. Smoking hot in bed and mostly dorks 99.9% of the time.

+ Good real world setting

Set in Vancouver, this book digs deep into the Canadian vibe without falling into cliches.


What I didn't like

- Unwarned for attempted sexual assault

There is a character who attempts to coerce Robert not once but twice. Both times, the scenes are uncomfortable because of what's going on the page. Yet, at the same time, I did think that Robert's main reason for going along with the blackmail-into-almost-rape attempts didn't hold up.

- Insta-love

Robert and Dylan do flirt for a while. Then, they end up hooking up twice in a period of three days and, suddenly, they're in LURVE. I got the feeling that I'd missed a chapter or two because, even though they'd known each other for a while, it did feel like they'd fallen for each other really quickly.

Thus I was kinda like "I guess? *shrug*" whenever Robert went on about his feelings for Dylan and all that.

- Too neat of an ending

The last two chapters zoomed by. I raised an eyebrow at how quickly AND conveniently everything fell into place. Perhaps what rang false/hollow for me was that I didn't know much about the side characters and, in a way, they didn't appear much until the last two chapters. I'm guessing I'd have been more excited if I'd read the first book in the series first? *hands*

TL;DR: This is a book with a good premise featuring POCs as the lead characters. THAT SAID, the insta-love and rushed ending knocked down what should've been a 4.5/5 read. :-/

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wallflower, the second installment in the Rear Entrance Video series, is a wonderful journey of self-acceptance for Rob Ng. More serious than Apple Polisher, Heidi Belleau has written an insightful romance about gender fluidity with Rob exploring all the facets of his sexuality.

Rob is shy, insecure and socially awkward and more comfortable in the virtual world than the real one. Filling in at Rear Entrance Video is way out of his comfort zone but it eventually provides him the opportunity to dress as his feminine alter ego, Bobby. The lines of Rob's sexuality become a bit blurred and while he is gay, he is not transsexual. And everything is about to become even more confusing for Rob when he becomes romantically involved with his classmate/video store customer Dylan Ford.

The first half of Wallflower takes place mostly inside Rob's head as he struggles with his gender identity. The anonymity of internet has allowed him the freedom to express his more feminine side and his comfort with his online persona leads him to act out one of fantasies with one of his virtual friends. Following this encounter, Rob decides it is time to bring Bobby into the real world, but only at work. Ultimately, Rob is going to have to figure out how to merge Rob and Bobby into his everyday life.

Physically, Dylan is the antithesis of Rob and his character is larger than life. He is less conflicted than Rob, but Dylan does a have few issues stemming from his adoption by a white family. Overall, he is outgoing, friendly and has absolutely no filter-whatever he thinks comes spilling out of his mouth. But Dylan somehow manages to keep a few things hidden from Rob that play a key role in the story's resolution.

The second half of Wallflower is when the action begins. The confidence that Rob discovers as Bobby begins spills over into his "regular" life. A class project unexpectedly brings him and Dylan together and their desire for another explodes in a very hot encounter. Despite his hesitation in revealing his secret and some mixed signals from Dylan, the two throw themselves wholeheartedly into their relationship.

Wallflower is a delightfully unique novel and I love that Heidi Belleau steps out of the box with both the subject matter and the characters. Rob's issues are sensitively portrayed and his explorations provide fascinating insight into different gender identities and roles. It is also quite refreshing that Rob and Dylan are not the stereotypical white characters usually found in M/M romances.

Although Wallflower is the second novel in the Rear Entrance Video series, it can be read as a standalone story.