Finding God Through Sex: Awakening the One of Spirit Through the Two of Flesh

by David Deida, Ken Wilber (Foreword)

When it comes to sex, most of us want more. The question more of what? According to David Deida, when the depth of intimacy you've been experiencing is no longer fulfilling to your heart and body―when you sense that sexuality should go far beyond an embrace of brief satisfaction―the time has come to explore your unique sexual path to the divine. In Finding God Through Sex, this brilliant writer and internationally renowned expert on spiritual sexuality presents a revolutionary new way to love―one in which sex literally becomes an erotic act of devotional surrender, "making love, magnifying love, from the boundless depth of your heart through every inch of your body and in merger with your lover." Through provocative vignettes that illuminate the many moods that color lovemaking, and direct instruction that speaks honestly to the masculine and feminine desires within each of us, Deida brings wisdom gained from 30 years' work with thousands of couples to illustrate the distinct yet complementary avenues men and women can skillfully travel toward untamed passion and sacred unity. What unfolds is an unparalleled road map to the place where we "love as the cosmos One loving itself as an other, yet remembering itself as One."

Genres: Sexuality, Spirituality, Relationships, Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Love

304 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2002

About the author

David Deida is an American author who writes about the sexual and spiritual relationship between men and women.[1] His ten books have been published in 25 languages. He conducts spiritual growth and intimacy workshops and is one of the many founding associates at the Integral Institute. He has conducted research and taught classes at the University of California at Santa Cruz, Lexington Institute in Boston, San Jose State University and Ecole Polytechnique in Paris. He is the author of numerous essays, articles, and books on human spirituality including The Way of the Superior Man, Finding God Through Sex and Blue Truth and the autobiographical novel Wild Nights.

Reviews

[Green Heart Guidance · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finding God through Sex is rooted in the premise that men are seeking freedom through sex and women are seeking love. Deida believes that men use sex to escape from their responsibilities in life and to basically wear themselves out to a point of falling asleep. Women, on the other hand, use sex to connect and create intimacy. Women are trying to tune in while men are trying to tune out. Deida is proposing that both sexes can work with their natural predilections to enhance the other’s sexual experience and to connect with the great cosmic love (also known as God) that we are all part of. To create this connection with “God” in the more spiritual and cosmic sense, all people must work past their involvement in the physical and sexual details of the moment to surrender to love on a much deeper level than we are used to doing. (For the rest of my review, please see my blog.)

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this fast on a plane and back and felt like it invigorated me in places and deflated me in others. I felt invigorated by his explanations on what closes and opens the feminine and what burdens and pressures the masculine and enjoyed going into both the masculine and feminine sides within ourselves as well as playing out in couple dynamics. I enjoyed his emphasis on sex as a spiritual, deep, altered consciousness act. I also enjoyed the points he made about the dark side. What took me out was a random part in the middle where a shaman told him he was uptight that suddenly read like a scene in a fictional book within a nonfiction book. What deflated me was the absurd claim that humor is masculine, subtle rationalizing of polyamory, and the same old manic-pixie dancing strawberry girl who's more body than mind and emotional chaos over keen humor. He's only dated solemn dancers and applied the characteristics of individual women he knows to the collective spectrum of all women. Also interesting that he thinks humor is a masculine trait because he's utterly humorless and lacks a sense of irony and winky playfulness that I find rampant in humanity, men and women and everyone in between.

Nonetheless, if you're looking to decode what makes relationship dynamics fall flat or get into fight patterns and get stuck or stagnant in emotional and physical intimacy, this book offers helpful, illuminating insights as well as some subjective bullshit. Take what resonates and leave what doesn't! It's natural to both agree and disagree and to love and hate what authors/philosophers/etc. say and to hold both opinions at once. I enjoyed this and I also got annoyed and that's great.

[Mike Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not sure what to make of this book; I don't know whether to take it seriously. On the surface, this book is about using sex as a doorway to an altered state of consciousness, wherein you and your partner experience, commune with, or possibly recognize that you are part of, God. Strangely, although God is in the title, it shows up in the text only a handful of times. Deida uses the word "love" multiple times on each page, though, and apparently as a substitute for "God". So he writes about "opening as love" and "feeling through the emotions and sensations of sex to relax as the bliss of love" (those aren't necessarily direct quotations, but they give a feel for the language Deida uses). And note that Deida's God/love is non-denominational and not tied to any particular organized church or faith. Deida is about spirituality, not religion.

The reason I'm not sure whether Deida is serious is because, while many passages resonate and describe experiences and feelings about life that I'm fairly sure are universal, the book is ultimately vague in just how one attains the state of bliss that he says is the ultimate objective in life. He instructs you to synchronize your breathing with your lover, to "soften your belly", and to feel your partner's emotions, but it's still not clear, after 282 pages, what that actually means. He also warns of not focusing too much on technique, but just opening as love. But if you don't know how to do that, where do you begin? It doesn't add to my confidence in his instruction that he refers the readers to some of his other books for additional details. For another perspective on Deida and his teachings, see this article, which also questions his sincerity and the usefulness of his teachings: http://www.enlightennext.org/magazine...

I think that if you read this book a few times and discussed it with your lover, you might be able to enhance the intimacy and love that can find expression in sex. Or you might get a few chuckles out of the post-modern pretentiousness of it all and enjoy a good romp between the sheets.

[Henry Le Nav · Rating 3 out of 5]

For me, sex is a spiritual experience, and I would even go as far as to say that it is Sacred (with some very nice profane thrown in). I had high hopes for this book, but I found it ultimately disappointing. I would give it 2 1/2 stars but rounded up to three. But, I would like to emphasize that that rating applies strictly to my understanding and enjoyment of the book. I could see how a more knowledgeable and spiritually advanced person could easily find the book excellent, albeit with faults.

I am a flake no doubt but not a very advanced flake, so while I have experienced some of the things he states in this book, to me, much of it remains theoretical. That is, rather than experiencing these in flesh, body, and spirit, other than my minor dabbles, I have only intellectually contemplated them, and truth be known, wished for them. Much of that is because I am too damned lazy to apply any spiritual discipline to my life, and at this point, I think I prefer to remain a Seeker without perhaps finding what is Sought. Not ready for it. Perhaps in another 200 lives. Yet my experience is that loving sex is something of a short cut to what is Sought.

But all that is my problem. What I did find was this book seemed repetitive to the point of boredom (again for me) and I believe as another reviewer pointed out that the gender stereotypes are over done. Yes, there is some lip service to the idea that these are masculine and feminine traits that all of us possess in some mixture, but there was a whiff of bimbo-ness (fine tits and ass for instance) in some of his vignettes and descriptions. He was always careful to claim this is superficial. Yet in my minds eye, I didn't see average people making love in this book, I saw porn stars. That may be unfair observation on my part. I read somewhere of a counselor being reluctant to recommend Deida's books because of what he says about women. I agree but I believe for advanced readers there is potential value in the book. Unfortunately that message was lost on me.

[Keith Johnstone · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me. It has some good points to make but a lot was lost on me perhaps because I am a gay man. I found the format was not conducive to providing clear understanding of the authors points - the division of masculine and feminine energies while I understand as a basis it is not ring true for me and I would say relies too much on stereotypes. I would love to see what this author could produce if he coauthored a book with a straight woman, gay man and lesbian I think something could be produced that is powerful and relevant to all and need not be divided into separate sections.

[Anjali Raj · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book revolved around the fact that men seek freedom or relief from any responsibility through sex, they seek sex as an activity which gives them immense pleasure without diving deep into the sea of feelings, expectations. Whereas for women sex is more of a way to seek love, approval, it’s always more than just pleasure.

The author tried to change the perspective and make men believe more in the art of love, than just sex. Although , personally I felt this book to be one’s own point of view. Moreover, it seemed repetitive and boring after a point- more adjectives used to define just the same act [Sex] along with being more open and considerate of one’s feeling. I believe there’s nothing in this book two partners committed to each other won’t know already.

[Elena · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book, its depth and insights were numerous, beginning to end. I liked the structure - how each chapter started with an introduction and then had a distinct section to speak to the masculine and feminine. It was a nice mix of instructional how-to, and an exploration of larger themes. I plan to read more of Deida’s books in the future.

[Tri- Therapy .com · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting and expansive take on sexual polarity between the masculine and feminine archetypes.
Steeped in spirit-sexual philosophy to deepen connections between lovers and with oneself but throws up many challenges to modern feminist perspectives.

[Axel Flodin vacher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loots of great examples on the potential perspectives that men and women might have on sex. This book might very well come in good use when the real passion and love of sex is lacking.

[Ellie · Rating 1 out of 5]

My husband & I are not like the “man” “woman” mentioned in this book. It’s hard to relate. The advice is good, but without relating to it I don’t feel like this book offers me anything solid.

[Giovanni Cruz · Rating 4 out of 5]

More than just about sex

Such a great book that let you deeply understand feminine and masculine energy from the point of view of sex and beyond that

[Jovana Savic · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great and interesting ideas, but it becomes repetitive after a while.

[Lydia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have a real issue with the genderedness of this book. It would be sooo easy to update to make it not so gender specific.

[Peggy Darrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very enlightening and not at all what you may be thinking lol.

[Laini · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finding God Trough Sex

A thoughtful and provocative way to introduce an approach to sex and intimacy that is more spiritually aware and connected to your partner.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

a great book for the spiritually inclined who wish to infuse all aspects of our lives...especially the sacred act of sexual union...with consciousness, unconditional love, and divinity. insightful and inspiring, i can't think of anyone i know who shouldn't read this book!

[Andrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very insightful! and love the structure. Each chapter begins with a short story, followed by a section for men and a section for women. This would be a GREAT book to read together with your partner.

[Kimberly Carlson · Rating 4 out of 5]

For now...