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Positive Parenting in Action
Parenthood is a beautiful journey. We don't have to become adversaries with our children; doing so is very unnatural to our humanity. We are all wired for connection, for closeness, and for love. Positive parenting frees us to move from the traditional parenting roles which create friction and rebellion and allows us instead to move into a more natural role which creates cooperation and peace. The inevitable conflicts that arise in a relationship no longer define the relationship, but serve as stepping stones to greater understanding and connection.
There is an abundance of resources available which tell parents why traditional parenting practices are not optimal, but few help parents learn what to do in place of traditional practices. In this book, we'll discuss the principles of positive parenting, and then we will go through more than 40 scenarios to show you what it looks like when these principles are put into action.
There is an abundance of resources available which tell parents why traditional parenting practices are not optimal, but few help parents learn what to do in place of traditional practices. In this book, we'll discuss the principles of positive parenting, and then we will go through more than 40 scenarios to show you what it looks like when these principles are put into action.
- GenresParenting
176 pages, Paperback
First published June 25, 2013
21 people are currently reading
181 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
February 19, 2015
This is the first book on Positive Parenting that I have read. As a Christian reading this book, I found several very positive things:
1. A strong focus on treating our children as we would want to be treated, including considering their perspective, understanding their weaknesses, and being empathetic.
2. A focus on loving our children unconditionally and building relationships with them, not just trying to control them.
3. Encouragement to be an example and model the behavior we expect of our children.
4. A concern for avoiding the ditch of permissive parenting. (They do encourage setting and enforcing certain limits.)
5. Some creative ideas for teaching children appropriate behavior and for dealing with unacceptable behavior. I found quite a few ideas I’ve tried with my four children. (But then, there were many things I would not try.)
I also see several problems, from a Christian perspective, with this philosophy of parenting:
1. Sin is missing from the equation. Problem behavior is explained without acknowledging our indwelling sin nature (Ps. 51:5, Rom. 3:23). All the empathizing and environment-altering of Positive Parenting will not be effective if it doesn’t recognize our real problem – sinful hearts that need God’s love, His grace, and the transforming work of the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:1-10).
2. In Positive Parenting, all feelings are valid. They advocate telling an angry child “It’s OK to be upset. It’s not OK to hit. Would it help to hit a pillow to get your angry feelings out?” Even secular scientists lean towards discouraging such catharsis as an effective way of dealing with anger. You certainly wouldn’t find this teaching in the Bible (2 Tim. 1:7, Matt. 5:22, Eph. 4:31, Col. 3:8, Jas. 1:19-20).
3. There is no higher standard to point your children to, beyond the values embodied in the Positive Parenting philosophy (primarily mutual respect, empathy, unconditional acceptance, attachment, and giving everyone the opportunity to manage and better themselves). Their ultimate goal is to raise happy children with good morals.
4. Many of the solutions involve distracting your child, ignoring wrong behavior, or otherwise allowing your child to do what he wants, rather than dealing directly with the problem at hand. Several times I found myself thinking “If that doesn’t work, what then?”
5. While the authors see cooperation as desirable, they downplay the importance of obedience, which is one of the Bible’s top priorities for children (Eph. 6:1, Col. 3:20) and a primary way children develop mastery of their own will.
6. The authors seem to have low expectations for children in many areas. In my observations and limited experience, what children are capable of is closely tied to what we expect of them, and I don't believe my children (or theirs) are as clueless as they imply.
Rebecca Eanes and Laura Ling are well-intentioned, but without a biblical framework and some serious modifications, I suspect Positive Parenting methods will produce results just as disappointing as authoritarian or permissive parenting.
As Bible-based alternatives, Christian parents will appreciate Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic, Parenting with Scripture by Kara Durbin, or For Instruction in Righteousness by Pam Forster.
1. A strong focus on treating our children as we would want to be treated, including considering their perspective, understanding their weaknesses, and being empathetic.
2. A focus on loving our children unconditionally and building relationships with them, not just trying to control them.
3. Encouragement to be an example and model the behavior we expect of our children.
4. A concern for avoiding the ditch of permissive parenting. (They do encourage setting and enforcing certain limits.)
5. Some creative ideas for teaching children appropriate behavior and for dealing with unacceptable behavior. I found quite a few ideas I’ve tried with my four children. (But then, there were many things I would not try.)
I also see several problems, from a Christian perspective, with this philosophy of parenting:
1. Sin is missing from the equation. Problem behavior is explained without acknowledging our indwelling sin nature (Ps. 51:5, Rom. 3:23). All the empathizing and environment-altering of Positive Parenting will not be effective if it doesn’t recognize our real problem – sinful hearts that need God’s love, His grace, and the transforming work of the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:1-10).
2. In Positive Parenting, all feelings are valid. They advocate telling an angry child “It’s OK to be upset. It’s not OK to hit. Would it help to hit a pillow to get your angry feelings out?” Even secular scientists lean towards discouraging such catharsis as an effective way of dealing with anger. You certainly wouldn’t find this teaching in the Bible (2 Tim. 1:7, Matt. 5:22, Eph. 4:31, Col. 3:8, Jas. 1:19-20).
3. There is no higher standard to point your children to, beyond the values embodied in the Positive Parenting philosophy (primarily mutual respect, empathy, unconditional acceptance, attachment, and giving everyone the opportunity to manage and better themselves). Their ultimate goal is to raise happy children with good morals.
4. Many of the solutions involve distracting your child, ignoring wrong behavior, or otherwise allowing your child to do what he wants, rather than dealing directly with the problem at hand. Several times I found myself thinking “If that doesn’t work, what then?”
5. While the authors see cooperation as desirable, they downplay the importance of obedience, which is one of the Bible’s top priorities for children (Eph. 6:1, Col. 3:20) and a primary way children develop mastery of their own will.
6. The authors seem to have low expectations for children in many areas. In my observations and limited experience, what children are capable of is closely tied to what we expect of them, and I don't believe my children (or theirs) are as clueless as they imply.
Rebecca Eanes and Laura Ling are well-intentioned, but without a biblical framework and some serious modifications, I suspect Positive Parenting methods will produce results just as disappointing as authoritarian or permissive parenting.
As Bible-based alternatives, Christian parents will appreciate Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic, Parenting with Scripture by Kara Durbin, or For Instruction in Righteousness by Pam Forster.
June 16, 2014
This short book consists entirely of examples of ways to respond to common types of toddler misbehavior without getting angry or being punitive. Good as far as it goes, but I would have preferred some less specific ideas, some general rules. "Happiest Toddler on the Block" covers this material in a way I found more useful and memorable.
December 7, 2019
Incredibly straightforward and simple, very relevant scenarios.
September 21, 2023
Very knowledgeable and must read
February 16, 2013
A definite must-read for any parent who wants to teach and train their child while also taking into account his child's feelings and need for self. I loved that it gave me some positive insight into ways I could word things with my son. I love the examples. You can tell that this book was written by parents for parents, not scientists for parents! :)
October 23, 2013
I like the real world examples provided. I would recommend this to someone who is just starting with positive parenting for sure but maybe not for someone who's been at it for a while since there wasn't anything particularly new. It is nice to have a reference on how to respond to different types of behavior in one concise place.
June 23, 2016
I wish this book was handed out with every delivery/adoption of a child. A must for every parent! I just finished reading it (along with The Newbies Guide to Positive Parenting- second edition by Rebecca Eanes) and they go hand in hand and work so well each other. I have found my new go to baby shower presents.
August 17, 2013
Helpful reminders with scenarios and real-life situations that bring it on home!
November 4, 2013
I wish I could give 1/s stars, because this one is really a 4.5 star book for me. I like the philosophy of this book, I just wish there was more.
January 1, 2014
Very helpful book with examples of common scenarios and the positive parenting response. Discipline means to teach, not to punish. This book helps immensely with that
April 14, 2014
Really enjoyed the examples to help with positive parenting,
January 15, 2016
I felt like I reviewing things I've already read.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews