Relationship Skills 101 for Teens: Your Guide to Dealing with Daily Drama, Stress, and Difficult Emotions Using DBT

by Sheri Van Dijk

In Relationship Skills 101 for Teens , Sheri Van Dijk―author of Don’t Let Your Emotions Run Your Life for Teens ―offers powerful tools based in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) to help you regulate your emotions so you can build better relationships with your parents, friends, and peers.
 Do you ever feel like your emotions are out of your control? Is it hard for you to make friends, get a date, or get along with your parents? You aren’t alone. For some people, good relationships seem to come easily. But if you are like many others, you may need a little help. This book offers evidence-based strategies you can use to take control of your emotions and reactions in order to respond effectively to peer pressure, bullying, cyberbullying, and gossip, allowing you to navigate the many social issues that make these years so challenging.
 This book outlines three core skills to help you manage your emotions and create better relationships. First, you’ll discover how mindfulness can help you face each life experience with awareness and acceptance. Second, you’ll find more effective ways of communicating with others so you can develop healthier, more balanced relationships. Finally, you’ll learn powerful skills to regulate your emotions so you don’t end up taking things out on the people you care about. With these combined skills, you'll learn how to act in healthier ways so you don't end up pushing people away.
 Like most teens, you want to make and keep friends. You also want to date! And you’d probably like to have a good relationship with your parents. This book will give you the skills to reach these goals and live a happier, more fulfilling life―well beyond your teen years. Why not get started now?

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Friendship, Teen

208 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2015

About the author

I am a psychotherapist working at Southlake Regional Health Centre and in private practice. I have a Master's degree in social work, and specialize in treating psychiatric disorders using dialectical behavior therapy and mindfulness practice.

I have written several books that help readers use DBT skills to treat emotional problems, including The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Bipolar Disorder, The Bipolar Workbook for Teens (co-author), Don’t Let Your Emotions Run Your Life for Teens, and Calming the Emotional Storm; and am the author of DBT Made Simple, a book that aims to teach clinicians how to use DBT with their clients diagnosed with a variety of emotional problems.

I'm just putting the finishing touches on my sixth book, which teaches teens DBT skills to help them be more effective in their relationships; look for this book to be published early in 2015.

In 2010 I won the R.O. Jones Award at the Canadian Psychiatric Association Annual Conference for my research on using DBT skills in a bipolar disorder group, published in the Journal of Affective Disorders in March, 2013.

Visit me at www.sherivandijk.com.

Reviews

[Raegan · Rating 1 out of 5]

-Disclaimer: I won this book for free through goodreads giveaways in exchange for an honest review.-

I didn't really get anything out of this book like I wanted. I felt it was all basic, common, knowledge everyone should already know just written scientifically. This book is written more like the author is talking to a scientist/expert rather then the intended audience. Teens. If you talk to teens like they are a doctor they won't understand you or relate to you. The author talks like she knows what she is talking about, but in truth she doesn't know. The author acts like every teen is the same and they are all copies. Like they all go through the same stuff and this book is the solution. Some of the exercises in this book are just plain out ridiculous. If you tell an angry teen to just breathe the results won't be very promising. As for the cover it leaves a lot to be desired.

[Chiara · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is something completely new for me. I've never read a non-fiction book, and I never thought I would. I usually don't even give a look at them at the book shop, because it's not something I usually like.
When I saw this book on NetGalley, I thought it was the right time for this kind of read. I'm not the one who has many friends, I don't hang out everyday and somethimes I feel like I'm a bad person, because I don't have the number of friends that I'd like to have. Who doesn't want like ten friends he can count on? So when I saw that this book was about that I requested it, and I'm so thankful NetGalley approved my request.
But now, I think you're wondering why I gave this book 2 stars. I read this book at school, thinking that I could practise with the exercises in it, but after reading a few pages, a few skills, I wasn't feeling different at all. I mean, I tried the breathe skills, and I found them relaxing, and I think they will help me with anxiety and anger (this is why I gave 2 out of 5 stars) but I don't feel like my relationships will change.
I know that it's just a book, it cannot change my life, but it could have change my mind, and it didn't. Probably because I'm too stubborn to change my mind, and too impulsive to think so much before doing something.
But hey, maybe in ten years I will read this book again and I will feel like this helped me, somehow. Who knows?

*Thank you NetGalley*

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

dialectical behavioral therapy dbt
focusing on the present moment and being accepting of what we find in the present moment, (instead of judging yourself and those around you?)This means noticing and not judging your reaction to the things around you.
The four communication stles are passive, passive aggressive, aggressive and assertive.When being assertive, you have to decide what is most important in the end: the outcome, the relationship,or your self respect.Then, stick to the facts. Without blaming or judging, state what you want.Show willingness to compromise.Mindfulness exercise technique: Progressive Muscle relaxation // if you can sit with an emotion, like a wave it will recede.Emotions fall into 4 general categories:mad sad glad and scared with shame and guilt a separate but overlapping category.
Acting Opposite to your emotion. Acting on your anger (yelling), anxiety(withdrawing) intensifies.you do this AFTER the emotion has delivered its message.Focus on one positive a day allowing its importance to grow.
Thinking styles:reasoning self, emotional self, wise self.If the roles were reversed how would i want other person to treat me. /See if you can identify the emotion that is making you judgemnental. dont even rationalize it.Validate them.notice when you are fighting reality.stop yourself when u get worked up.SMILE< UNCLENCH< BREATHE

[Brenda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Everyone is responsible for their own actions. In all relationships, each individual must determine what exactly is a healthy relationship and how to balance the difference. There are many points to help create a good self-esteem in this book. Being mindful of your behavior can make or break friendships. This in itself is a building block to create a better you. Other ways to keep a relationship healthy is using communication wisely, setting limits, and social skills.

Upon reading the title, I thought it would be an interesting subject and perhaps helpful as I learn to live again without the physical and mental abuse that pushed me lower each day. Normally I do not read nonfiction. This book is intended for teenagers to learn the easy way. There is no reason anyone should have to feel unworthy, regardless of age. There is a way out.

Relationship Skills 101 for Teens
Sheri Van Dijk
Instant Help Books
New Harbinger Publications, Inc
2015

This is a NetGalley review by Brenda

[Delta · Rating 4 out of 5]

I haven't been a teen for a long time, and I only sort of relate to the current generation, but this book didn't seem like something I would have given more than a torturous hour reading. Now, I think the information is good and informative, but teenagers have a hard time believing "old" people trying to tell them how to handle situations. I think the book would have been better served teaching parents how to talk to their teens about the topics.

[Lisa Tran · Rating 5 out of 5]

i never believed that i can get back my love until i meet a man called Leker who help me bring back my ex-wife who left me for two years before our marriage, he work beyond my imaginations and today i am happy in my married you can visit his page now
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[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book for both parents and their teens to read.

[Bella · Rating 4 out of 5]

DBT skills written in teen-friendly language.

[Katy Lovejoy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't have many relationships. And I know they are important. Hence why I'm trying to change that

[Kyle Moran · Rating 3 out of 5]

If I hadn’t spent all my time as a teen overdoing homework and playing video games, I may have been compelled to read a book for adults.

[Online Eccentric Librarian · Rating 2 out of 5]

More reviews (and no fluff) on the blog http://surrealtalvi.wordpress.com/

I have a young teen and hoped to give her the tools she needs to be prepared for the stresses of high school. I gave her the book to read and upon completion, her response was that she didn't get anything out of it. So I read it as well and have to agree - I wasn't getting anything out of it either.

So what happened? In discussing with my daughter, we found some key issues:

- Although it is supposed to be written for teens, it is very dry, ponderous, and even at times condescending. I was reminded of examples when scientists or psychologists think they are communicating with laymen but really they end up sounding pedantic, patronizing, or plain old boring. While the book doesn't talk down to teens, it doesn't talk TO them either.

- The book is all over the place. Examples of kids who bully are next to those with anxiety problems or extreme shyness. I became confused often while reading - a problem my daughter shared as well.

- Although different situations are given, it all equates to a one-size-fits-all type of solution - mindfulness (DBT). Which is all well and good, but for kids who live in the 'now' anyway (and whose brains' abilities to think of future consequences are temporarily disabled during the teen years), I don't know how much more 'in the now' they can get.

- CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) is the big thing right now - for everything from controlling obesity to stopping smoking. I can't think of a more difficult subject than a teen - and their crazy hormones, to get to do CBT exercises (e.g., start at the toes and think of the muscles there and then move up the legs and body and think of every muscle). I think my daughter would get as far as an ankle before she'd already be wondering when she can go get on the trampoline. Older teens might find the book easier - but then by late teens they are pretty set in their behaviors, as well. The book definitely isn't for younger teens since there's nothing inviting about the writing.

When reading this, I couldn't help but feel this was meant for teens with more serious behavioral problems - drugs, alcohol, bad relationships, etc. So perhaps my young teen, who hasn't hit high school, was too young for the book. It feels like a catch-22 - the younger ones need the skills early but the book will go over their head; the older ones can digest the book better but by then it's probably too late.

I think that with a different approach, the book would work better. Written by someone who sounds like they actually work with kids at ground zero in junior and high schools rather than a clinician in an office or research lab type of feel. In any event, neither my teen nor I got much out of this, sadly. Reviewed from an advance reader copy provided by the publisher.

[Maggie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was meant to receive this book for free through Goodreads First Reads...but after waiting 8+ weeks for its delivery, I finally just bought a copy for myself. I was anxious to read it and hoping to pass it on to my children over the coming summer months. While I would have liked to receive the book for free as promised, I do believe my own dollars were well-spent.

This book is a description and application manual for the skills of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy written specifically for teens. I have always held that the information presented in this book should be learned in mandatory coursework in regular high school curriculums (and even earlier, if possible). Learning these skills, either through natural intuition or overt instruction, is vital to an individual’s personal and relational success throughout life. I experienced BIG emotions as a teenager and would have greatly benefitted from the reading of a book such as this. Instead, I spent a tumultuous young adulthood trying to make my life and relationships work before finally reaching crisis mode at age 40 and seeking out a group therapy environment with DBT as its basis. Since completing that program, I’ve read numerous books on the subject and practiced it regularly in my daily life…and I am a true believer in the protocol, simply because I’ve seen and experienced it working in people’s lives (including my own).
This particular book is a valuable tool and a must-read for teenagers and anyone else who wants to support them (parents, teachers, etc.). It is written simply, clearly, and concisely, with exercises, suggestions for application, and illustrations relating to common teenage issues that many young people face on a day to day basis. If you can get your teenagers to read this book and apply its therapeutic advice for mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and relational success, I assure you that those kids will have the tools to construct and experience an easier existence over the entire course of their lifetimes, regardless of whatever hardships they may ultimately face. Get your hands on a copy and experience this book for yourself. Then give it to your teenagers to read and implement...and encourage them to reread the book (as a refresher) when they are going through difficult times. It might also be helpful to find a DBT therapy group (perhaps through the counseling office at your child’s school?) where additional mindfulness exercises are taught and skills are practiced and refined in a contained, non-threatening environment with the aid of a facilitator.

[Alexis · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was happy for a chance to read and review this book because I wanted my daughter to read it too, hoping that it would be able to benefit her. My child is 15 yo and is a junior in high school. In the end I'm sad to say that she says this book was not a benefit to her. She read through it and only found it a little useful. Also so did not like for the writing style.

** I was provided a copy of this book to read in exchange for an honest review from Netgalley. **

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received this book from Goodreads First Reads. This book can be really insightful. I learned a few things from this book that really helped me. Though, there was a lot that I felt didn't help me at all, or didn't apply to me. It may not have been the right book for me, but it was something that anyone can take something a way from.

[Judy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had such high hopes for this book after reading the description and advance praise. Unfortunately, although it says it is written for teens, I can't imagine a teen sitting down and reading it. I think it is another one of those books that the other 'experts' will praise, rather than the intended audience...sigh...

[Blue · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book I just finished which teaches how to communicate more effectively and build stronger relationships by using Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills. Really well written and easy to understand using simple terms without a lot of complicated psychological language. Wonderful read and skills to learn for anyone who wants to work on communication not just teens.

[Kme_17 · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received this as a first read. This was a good book. Definitely geared towards a young audience. However it is fill with a lot of great information. I learned a lot of different tools that I can use. Good book for teenagers.

[Kaitlyn]

Reading for a school assignment

[Isabella Showers · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'll be honest. I wanted to like this book. I wanted it to help. It did absolutely nothing. Maybe I'm the problem, but it didn't do anything for me.