Five Year Old Death

by Bathsheba Dailey

It is what I see in my nights of restless sleep that torment me in my waking hours. I search for what I will never find and find what will only drive me into hell a little deeper every day. I have always been just me and that has been fine and I love the heart that I have been blessed with even through a life that I could take or leave without any turns looking back. Does this mean I do not love my family or children? Does this mean that I really want to die in my sleep like I beg every night before I once again fall into my own hell of night tremors? This is something I ask myself every single breathing day that I am made to exist on earth! I love my children but maybe just maybe they would be better off without a mother who cries in her sleep for no reason that they could ever understand or that I would even want to tell them. I am alone in the crowded room that everyone talks about and that may be okay for some but I was meant to love and cherish those who walk in my life. I am lost in the dark and followed by the shadows that are to forever haunt me with nowhere to run but back within myself. I cry a million unseen tears that I hide with a pretty smile upon my face that I wish to let run free and to be seen by just one person that will maybe understand me and understand what I am forever left to feel. I am not mentally ill by any chemical imbalance!

I am however mentally ill by the life that I have been given and at the end of the day after I have tried to make everyone else’s life pretty with a pink ribbon, I am left to wonder;

“Did they see me”?

198 pages, Paperback

First published June 27, 2013

Reviews

[Greer Noble · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book seemed to be very honest even in a time where that honesty could have hurt her the worst. I am glad that I decided to give the book a chance.

[J.J. Tuite · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not what I expected, but wasn’t disappointed.

An absolutely amazing testimony. Anybody going through rough times in life should read this and see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[Penny Rowe · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hmm...

Not a good book for me. Way too many run on sentences. The sum of story was clear. Sounds like real life.