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You Are Sloth!

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"Why you are sloth? Because fuck you is why! HAHAHAHAHA!!1!"

That's the last response you got from The Spammer, who's developed an insidious computer virus that transforms people into their power animals. You never should have opened that email from the Philippino Sherriff's Attaché to East Berlin. So many missed warning signs there, but you were drunk last night. Things have been rough lately - you can't pay your rent, your neighbors are annoying, you keep getting strange calls from horny guys with unique and unsettling fetishes, you're way behind with work, and your computer is suddenly crapping out on you. And now you're a goddamn sloth. Nice going, genius. But there's more at play here than simple animal hijinks. You've been added to the Homeland Security Terror Watch List, and the cops want to question you about the mysterious disappearances of several gay men, who all seem to have called your phone just before they vanished. Not only has this Spammer fuck turned you into a sloth, he's framed your slow ass, too! You've had enough of this shit. With the help of your neighbors, Cross the Asshole and Randy the Retard, you form the SLOTH SQUAD. It's time to track that Spammer down and reap some three-toed vengeance on his ass.

You are Sloth!

150 pages, Paperback

First published July 1, 2013

5 people are currently reading
588 people want to read

About the author

Steve Lowe

12 books198 followers
Steve Lowe misses riding Big Wheels in the cul-de-sac. He is the author of a handful of Bizarro books, including MUSCLE MEMORY, KING OF THE PERVERTS, and YOU ARE SLOTH! Hey, look! That's him over there! No, the other way. Yeah, that's definitely him.

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5 stars
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews
Profile Image for karen.
4,012 reviews172k followers
September 27, 2018
YOU! ARE! SLOTH!



this is a bizarro title, so it's got all the bad-taste elements you expect from the brand - a playground-style dismissal of political correctness where words like "retard" and "fag" are gleefully tossed around, new lows in sexual fetishism, a casual treatment of roofie-enabled date rape, people transformed into their spirit animals, "buck-naked fuck mercenaries," and death by bukkake*.

it's silly and crass, but it's also great fun, as long as you're not put off by some cussing and bad behavior.

and if you are, well i got this for you:



sloths: slow, bad news….





you will learn nothing about sloths from this book, but you will get to read about one riding a dog to victory. and that's not nothing.



AND it's skinny enough that you can use it as a bookmark for other books!

 photo IMG_3445_zpsaa8g5ayv.jpg

so, what are you waiting for??? sloth it up!



*

come to my blog!
Profile Image for Dan.
3,208 reviews10.8k followers
September 12, 2014
You click on a spam email and wake up a sloth after an all night bender. When people start acting strangely, you team up with Randy the Retard and Cross the Asshole, your friends/neighbors, and start getting to the bottom of things. Can you save the city?

You are Sloth! is a tale of spammers, brainwashing, and drunken debauchery, told in the second person point of view by you, the hapless apartment dweller transformed into a sloth. It's kind of like Kafka's the Metamorphosis, only instead of being transformed into insectoid vermin, you're transformed into a sloth, and instead of being an exploration of the alienation and isolation, it's a collection of dick jokes. Okay, so it's not very much like The Metamorphosis but it is pretty entertaining.

Steve Lowe delivers the chuckles in this slim book. While the situations are funny, dialogue is Steve Lowe's forte. Sloth, Randy, and Cross all have great dialogue that sounds like it's out of a Judd Apatow movie. The spammer's broken English is really authentic if you've every opened one of their ineptly crafted missives.

So yeah, I enjoyed it but I didn't enjoy the shit out it. It wore a little thin after a while and the ending went a little long. Other than that, it was a fun read. How many books have you read that have the phrase "death by bukkake" in them? 3.5 out of 5 stars.
Profile Image for Melki.
7,292 reviews2,611 followers
February 23, 2020
Power Animal is not meant to inspire you to be something you are not. Power Animal is a mirror to reflect what you really are.

And YOU?

description
YOU Are Sloth!

Eee aye, eee aye, uh-oh!

description
YOU are cuddly and adorable and soon your friends will be wanting to use YOU as a chick magnet.


YOU and your pals will form an elite fighting squad to take down an insidious spammer.

description
YOU will enjoy this sweet morality play about learning to accept yourself...and bukkake.
Profile Image for Shamus McCarty.
Author 1 book82 followers
December 13, 2013
I wasn’t sure what to expect when I opened this book. I’ve read “Muscle Memory” by Lowe so I knew there were going to be some funny parts, but I didn’t think I’d be cracking up almost every other page.

Lowe did a great job with the characters in this book. The dialogue between these three guys is hilarious. I feel like I’ve had many of these same conversations with my best friends. They are exaggerated in the book of course but you catch my drift.

In short, although this is a bizarro novella, and the plot transcends any realm of reality, I really connected with it due to the characters. I know these guys. We went to high school together and skipped class to drink in my garage. I went to the bar with these guys to pick up chicks. I’ve been around these dudes my whole life.
Profile Image for Frank.
Author 36 books130 followers
December 12, 2013
YOU ARE SLOTH! by Steve Lowe could very well be the most unique hit of 2013. Lowe manages to tell a very captivating tale of man turned into a Sloth, and that man is YOU! Duh. Not only is Lowe able to tell a fast paced story based on the world's slowest animal (I did not fact check that) but he does it in the seldom used 2nd person point of view. It all comes together in a story of hackers and terrorists and assholes.

At it's heart, YOU ARE SLOTH is a whodunnit. Yet, without the fast paced plot, the characters really drive this story and keep you glued to the pages. The sloth, you, is fun to get to know seeing how you adapt from being human you whole life then suddenly adapting to the life of a sloth. To help hinder that process are the sloth's (you) friends, an asshole and a retard.

That is where another great part of the story comes in. It's hilarious every bit as much as captivating. The humor can be off color to more sensitive folks, but if you're that sensitive you shouldn't be even mildly interested in this type of book anyway. There are plenty of jabs at pop culture and modern technology as well that helps to keep everything fresh and interesting.

I wasn't sure exactly what to expect from YOU ARE SLOTH. Was it going to be some silly story jumping on the Sloth Meme bandwagon? Was it going to be a completely off-the-wall bizarro tale that would be difficult to follow? Was it going to be a boring story about a boring sloth that goes absolutely nowhere? The answer is none of the above. This is action, adventure, thrills and laughs all rolled into on of the best stories you are going to read in awhile.
Profile Image for ↜ƈɦǟռ☂ɛℓℓɛ↝.
1,296 reviews140 followers
July 11, 2013
★★★★You Are Sloth by Steve Lowe

This was a beta read I was given in exchange for my honest opinion.

What happens when you can't come up with the rent money? It begins a game of who do I have to screw to get by this month? And if that don't work, go back to being your lazy self. Go do your job, and review the book you are supposed to be going over. Maybe all this self-help non-sense spewing out of some want to be guru's mouth, will help you.

So we all gotten those crazy emails, telling us we've won all this money, or so in so is trying to hook up with you, or work at home and get rich, and we know not to open them. Most likely they will contain viruses or be phishing emails, trying to steal your info. Nothing good can come of it. You know better.

Now when you think what the hell and open it anyways, deal with it. You are sloth, comes up on screen. What does that mean? Be prepared to find out, because this virus is so bad, it changes you into a sloth, just from reading the screen.

But this isn't your only problem. You now have to rely on you idiot neighbor who knows nothing, and your egomaniac neighbor, who thinks he's Gods gift to the world, to save your sorry sloth ass. Stumbling around, Edward Scissor-Handing everything, with your three toes and yellow nails.

What do you learn as a sloth?
*you are a cheaper drunk
*chicks dig animals
*you're a real life furry
*use that to get laid
*no one is your esé
*you can still get on Homeland Securities watch list
*you are a super hero, leading the Sloth Squad in a crusade against gay men who like fuzzy animals
*when someone says every hole, it might really mean every single hole

So sit back and enjoy the slow ride. It's going to be a long one, which will only get weirder.

This book had me laughing throughout with its rude, crude, and lewd behavior. Just when you think it can't get any better, he goes off and says something else to leave me shaking my head.

Thanks to the author for sharing all the madness with me.

So, "Stop Having the Lazy and Buy You Are Sloth! Day" on July 18.
Profile Image for Teresa.
209 reviews13 followers
September 21, 2014
***RE-READ UPDATE***
So, I don't have much more to say that I haven't already said before about this book. Except you can STOP having the lazy, since that promo is over ;-)

Okay, for starters, everyone needs to wait until July 18th to purchase this book. The author is trying to reach Amazon's top seller list, even if just for a day. So I'm super conflicted here....I definitely highly recommend this book to every-fucking-one of you!!!! This is yet another totally badass book by an even badder asser writer. My love affair with Steve Lowe (or at least his books) began the minute I finished 'Muscle Memory.' I can't even begin to thank Rose O'Keefe enough for the work she does at Eraserhead Press with the NBAS (New Bizarro Author Series). Its like a trial run for writers....new writers get a novella published (7 or so a year), and as long as they sell 200 copies of their work, they get a contract. Pretty fuckin good idea, huh? Okay, so moving on...'Muscle Memory' was Steve Lowe's dry run. THANK CTHULU HE MADE THE CUT!!! If he hadn't, we wouldn't have such wonderful works such as 'King of the Perverts,' (fucking AWESOMELY awesome, by the way) 'Mio Padre, Il Tumore,' and now, 'You are Sloth.' Thank you Rose, thank you flying spaghetti monster, but most of all, thank YOU, Mr. Lowe, for making my reading experiences kick-ass! I think this is enough background info here, so let's move on (although you can read more about Steve on his author page on here, and you can also check out a picture of him looking mucho debonair whilst smoking a pipe and holding some sort of fowl, perhaps a guinea, in the back of this book...I mean seriously, that picture ALONE is worth the price of the book!). So anyway (my ADD bothering you yet?), moving on to the bare bones here. This story is the story of a fucking nobody. And let's face it- we're all nobodies here. This particular nobody just so happens to turn into a, well, you guessed it, a sloth!!! Sloths and cool author pics! And you still need more of a review? Okay, here we go. This now sloth, but still nobody, remains pretty goddamn dumbfounded over his new-found slothdom (and really, wouldn't we all?). This transformation takes place after he opens a rather enticing e-mail. We've all done it, but all I get are crazy porn viruses. This guy turns into a fucking sloth, complete with that creepy perma-rape smile of theirs. He's having trouble navigating his new found three toeness AND he has an impending deadline editing a self-help book written by a total nutjob that can't write proper English. On top of all this, our poor little sloth can't even chill out with a brewski 'cause his little sloth belly is suited for greens, not weimaraner (you'll know what I mean here when you buy the book, which I just KNOW you'll do). Here's where stuff gets interesting. His asshole machismo filled neighbor barges in and the fun begins. Time to embrace the slothness with a few ruffied up whores and a retarded neighbor (this building HAS to be the coolest place to live). After the fun and hi-jinks end, the sleuthing begins. After all, WHY is he a sloth? We need answers here, people. Piece by piece, the retard, the sloth, and the asshole figure out exactly what's going on. HOW they pieced together CraigsList ads, zoovoyeur fags, and a mysterious Dr. Evil-esque madman known only as the Spammer is beyond me, but Lowe does this seamlessly. Yes, the sloth-squad, as these three unlikely pals become known, brave their way through inner city style sadistic dog pounds, crazy masturbating landladies, and zombie cat burglar homosexuals, all while more and more people are turning into various types of animals. Remember the self-help book Sloth was editing? Well, it JUST SO HAPPENED to be about one's inner 'power animal.' Are you kinda figuring out what's going on here? I can't tell you the WHOLE story...I could never come close to doing as good a job as Steve in that arena, but suffice it to say, this book is a lot of fun, COMPLETELY ridiculous and bizarre, and seamlessly seamed together. Win, win, and win!!! Buy the goddamn thing!!!! But NOT until the 18th of July (no...this is NOT a joke...let's help a fledging author break Amazon's top seller list...help a brother out, people!!!). Lastly, now that we've got background info and synopsis outta the way, lemme tell you why I loved this book so much. This relatively new genre, bizzaro, has sooooooo many authors and titles and imprints that are just downright bad. Too often you get these 'try-hards,' that just want their book to be as weird and porny and cluster-fucked as possible. Its like they are trying to fit every sci-fi scenario EVER along with every weird sexual fetish EVER with multiple totally under developed characters with the wildest deformities, abilities, and ways of thinking multiplied by a ZILLION, which most certainly DOES NOT make for a good bizarro book. It makes, on the quite opposite spectrum, a work chock full of plot holes, head scratching moments of 'whaaaa?????', oh, and did I mentionSEVERELY underdeveloped characters? That's why it is so goddamned fucking hard to find a good bizarro book these days...every writer thinks they can do it 'cause its a new genre which is more or less a mish-mash of other genres, so you've got ever shitty writer in America giving it a try, thinking their shit is just THE BEST when its fucking garbage. Now that steampunk is SUPER popular, maybe everyone will start writing steampunk and leave bizarro to the masters, one of which is most certainly Mr. Lowe. This book kept me entertained, and wanting more. There IS room for a follow up, but I'm not sure if that's the plan or not. I SOOOO thoroughly enjoyed 'Muscle Memory,' 'King of the Perverts,' and 'You are Sloth,' that I'm kicking myself in the ass for not devouring 'Mio Padre, Il Tumore,' which has been on my Kindle for quite some time now. It is certainly being bumped to the upper area of my 'to-read' list, as soon as I finish a few more promised reviews. Which brings me to another point. In the spirit of full disclosure, I'd like to mention that my 'copy' of this book is a PDF sent to me by the author himself. Did he pay me to write a good review? NO!!! Do I have opinions of my own? YES!!! And that's what this is...MY opinion on what I've read. I loved it, and I think you will too. I recommend this book to anyone wanting to try something a little weird, a little out of their comfort zone, or just plain ole weird-Os like myself. But its not just for us freaks; its very entertaining and well written. Give it a try; you won't be disappointed. But try and do a sloth imitation for about a week and CONTINUE HAVING THE LAZY FOR ONE MORE WEEK!!! Buy this awesome book on July 18th, I'm BEGGING you! I'm most certainly going to, even though I have an 'e-book' sort of PDF of it now. After all, that goddamn picture of Steve Lowe in the back, looking all sophisticated, coupled with the killer cover art is most definitely worth a few extra bucks. ;-) After this wordy review, I'm now retreating into my natural 'power animal' state, which is...yeah, you guessed it! A lazy, slow moving, perverted slothlike creature that likes to lay in bed all day. To the slothmobile!!! Destination: my motherfuckin bed, fools!
Profile Image for R.A. Harris.
Author 21 books6 followers
July 18, 2013
Steve Lowe has a remarkable talent to write stories that are at once grotesque, imaginative and absolutely funny, but that have a moral dimension to them too. In You Are Sloth, he uses a bold style, told in a second-person point of view, to tell the story of the time you click a link in a spam e-mail, subject line “you are sloth” and find yourself transformed into a sloth.

But why? Why would this happen? Why a sloth?

That is the mystery, and it's up to you and your “friends”, Randy (maybe retarded) and Cross (probably an a-hole) to solve it. Will you find out who the deranged individual known only as “The Spammer” is, or why they chose to target you and turn you into a sloth? Perhaps slower than usual (thanks to your newfound slothiness), you will begin to unravel this mystery.

Lowe is no stranger to transformations in his writing, as his debut novella “Muscle Memory” dealt with a similar concept, as people found they had switched bodies with their (sexual) partners. Using that experience, Lowe effortlessly creates a world in which you can easily suspend disbelief that you have in fact become a sloth. The characterisation of all the players is superb, each personality shines through in their decisions and actions, even yours (slothy though it is).

Of course, much like in his awesome story, King of the Perverts, Lowe is not merely telling a story that will make you giddy with laughter, dizzy with nausea and slightly bemused as you become aroused by deranged and disgusting things. He also tells a story about inner strength, personal morality and friendships overcoming bizarre situations brought on by an absurd world that has some strange beliefs and objectives. People look for answers in obtuse places, and Lowe recognises this, and masterfully recreates the absurdity of it all in hyperbolic regions of storytelling space.

Where the previously mentioned King of the Perverts was about personal growth and morals, You Are Sloth! is about self-knowledge and acceptance, of course, that sensitive side is hidden beneath a layer of humour and depravity few other authors can fathom, let alone descend into.

Lowe has done it again and I highly recommend this work.
Profile Image for S.T. Cartledge.
Author 17 books30 followers
November 14, 2013
HAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!! Bizarro is pretty cool and all, but this book mixes cool and dumb and huh and smart in the best way possible. It's written in the second person point of view. YOU are Sloth! Why second person? Because fuck you is why! This is Steve Lowe at his funniest. You turn into a sloth, you get mixed up in some sort of moronic internet spam/bizarre sex fetish plot and you're on the hunt for the broken-English-speaking spammer who put you in this situation. But it's pretty difficult, because you're a sloth. Why? The logic is a little fuzzy (who am I kidding, it's VERY fuzzy), and you go through the thought processes trying to answer questions that are largely unanswerable. You go along for the ride. It's in your slothy nature. The characters are cartoonish without seeming insincere. The plot gets more absurd as the story progresses. It's fun, it's wild, at times it's terrifying/gross, but it's always, always entertaining. Steve has constructed a book that shouldn't work, all things considered. It probably COULDN'T work, if it were left in the hands of another author. What should be a gimmick is instead a crazy fun book that works so well. I'd imagine part of this would also come down to having Kevin Donihe on board as editor. I often find myself very impressed with the books he edits and the authors he chooses to work with. Steve Lowe is certainly no exception. You are Sloth! Buy Sloth Now!
Profile Image for a_reader.
465 reviews2 followers
September 3, 2013
For years we've been warned to not open spam email. Spammers love to pry on the innocent and gullible by stealing their identities and infecting their computers with nasty viruses. But now they have a new weapon in their arsenal and you run the risk of being turned into your inner spirit animal if you are dimwitted enough to click on one of their links.

You are Sloth follows the misadventures of a group of three losers and their French Canadian landlady as they try to solve the mystery of why one of them was turned into a sloth by The Spammer.

There's a lot to love about this book including a very disturbing bukkake scene and a cameo by Anderson Cooper. It is surprisingly well written and funny.

Profile Image for Joy.
192 reviews23 followers
June 22, 2017
Wishful thinking is for assholes and losers. Do not waste time wishing, or like saying goes, you end up with shit in your hands.

Wow. Inspirational.

I honestly don't even know where to start.... Because this book was THE naughty rollercoaster ride of "what is happening" to "this is hilarious." And I'm 110% sure I released very loud, very obnoxious noises of laughter every few pages.

So there's this guy with a below average mind living a below average lifestyle in a below average apartment. He thinks his life couldn't get any worse and then- BAM! He's a sloth. But not just any old sloth. He's Sloth. And then to add to the ridiculousness of becoming a sloth, this unfortunate guy gets framed by a criminal known as The Spammer. Thus the creation of the Sloth Squad and this guy's quest for a lot of sloth-y revenge.

Hilarious and nonsensical are the two words I'd use to describe this read. But from its horror to mystery to kind of superhero story line, I really can't accurately explain this book so just do yourself a favor and go read it-it's only 150 pages.

I recommend You Are Sloth! to readers who are looking for a short, funny book and who don't mind a lot of dirty language and plots that make absolutely no sense. It's fantastic. 4.25
Profile Image for Natalie.
633 reviews51 followers
September 20, 2013
If you ever wondered just how wrong things could go when you click a link in a spam email - this terrifically insane yet somehow logically constructed tale of coincidences that are anything but will take you to that happy place !
Profile Image for Sheldon.
110 reviews10 followers
November 1, 2013
The sloth: An odd tree-dwelling animal, the most commonly referred to species of which has three toes and a permanent smile on its face.

The spammer: An internet-based douchebag who sends unsolicited email in bulk.

How are these two related? In You Are Sloth by Steve Lowe, a criminal simply known as the Spammer has begun sending out emails that turn people into their power animal. When you (yes, you) are turned into a sloth, you must join with your neighbors Cross the Asshole and Randy the Retard (named so by Cross the Asshole), you must track down the Spammer, discover his dastardly plot, and reap some three-toed vengeance.

So, the first thing you'll notice is how I referred to “you” as the main character. That's because this book is written in a second-person perspective (for those not familiar with literary terms, first person is “I,” second person is “you,” and third person is “he/she/it,” to put it quickly). The second-person perspective is usually used in things like those old “Choose Your Own Adventure” books. This is not one of those. It's simply an experimental way of telling the story, and it works. I have to give Lowe a lot of credit for risking this kind of perspective. It's odd at first, but you get used to it very quickly.

The second thing is that this book is funny. It is really funny. The humor is gross, inappropriate, and yet given the characters this book deals with, it couldn't be any other way. These are very low-brow characters. If you don't like lots of feces or mature themes in your story, especially death by bukkake, this might not be the best book for you. For me, it works perfectly in the context of this story.

The story flows, the characters develop, and it's a fun journey along the way as you discover how to be a sloth. If anything, this book actually reminds me a little of Lowe's earlier book Muscle Memory . In both books, characters find themselves in different bodies and have to come to terms with themselves, what they've done, and how they've lived their lives. This similarity isn't necessarily a bad thing. I liked “Muscle Memory,” and while it's a similar theme, the story itself is completely different.

I can't really find a fault with this book. It's hysterically funny, thoughtful, experimental, and really just an outright fun book to read. You really can't go wrong here. Steve Lowe has written what is arguably one of the best books I've read all year, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that.

You Are Sloth by Steve Lowe earns 5 three-toes out of 5.
Profile Image for Alex.
Author 147 books175 followers
September 11, 2013
You have just read You Are Sloth! by Steve Lowe. Because second person is difficult to pull off without a really good justification (subject matter, point of view) you switch to first person. Now you feel more at ease. No, dammit--you're still stuck in second. It's a lot like waking up with a splitting hangover to find yourself transformed in your bachelor apartment into a three-toed jungle creature. Your friends are assholes and the mentally challenged. Your landlady is a mature French-Canadian who resists your attempts to pork her for the rent. You're like a character from a Franz Kafka adaptation freely adapted for a buddy comedy by Judd Apatow with a script by Slacker lit god, the comics artist Peter Bagge.

You break free of second person. Ok, I enjoyed this book. Quite a bit, actually. This is my first encounter with an Eraserhead title, thanks to winning a giveaway here on Goodreads, and I am impressed. Lowe has a crisp, clever way with words, a nice snarky wit and breezy pacing; I powered this one down in a few hours. It's a little bit Hunter S. Thompson and a little bit more Chuck Palanhiuk, with a cheeky, self-aware pop culture vibe. And while the second person narrative breaks down in a few places, it mostly works, placing the reader in the recliner, from which he is subjected to more indignities than Sancho Panza and Gregor Samsa combined. Beneath the gay zombies and bukkake there's a quiet moral about the value and dignity of all creatures. I look forward to reading more Steve Lowe and Eraserhead titles in the future.
Profile Image for Nicholaus Patnaude.
Author 11 books36 followers
May 24, 2014
This book, written in the 2nd person, is a hilarious send-up of our online, email-obsessive-checking culture. For what resides mostly in our inboxes: spam.

What if your job was to edit terrible self-help books and your current project was a cliched, bumbling mess about harnessing your spirit animal. The narrator’s battle against being a sloth (despite the fact that it is OBVIOUSLY his spirit animal, even if you believe in this spirit animal theory only slightly)–for that is what this surreal piece forces him to become–is hilarious. Yes, you will joyfully be reminded of “The Metamorphosis,” but in the same way, say, that you were reminded of Wilder’s The Apartment when watching some modern sitcom or RomCom about a failing relationship or hilarious but inconvenient roommate situation–but, ahem, that is not to degrade this excellent, and incredibly entertaining, new work of modern fiction in any sense. And have you ever wondered what it is exactly that dogs are saying? If so, look no further than this excellent work about a couple of Jonah Hill-esque slackers simply minding their own business when the supernatural occurrence strikes our slothy hero like a bold of surreal lightning.

I might as well admit: I LOL’ed. You might too. Then again, there are certain sequences that may scar you for life. But would a landlady really do that? When under the reign of the true spirit animal lord with a hatred of linking verbs, apparently yes.
Author 52 books151 followers
December 2, 2013
This Is Exactly Why I Read Bizarro Books

I bought this book thinking it would be good slothy fun. And it is! But it's also so much more than that. It helped me get in touch with my spirit animal and warned me about massive criminal SPAM conspiracies. This is really a guide to life and you need to read it.
Profile Image for Steven Shroyer.
146 reviews
September 3, 2013
I have never read a book so hilariously demented and terribly heartwarming . It's like There's Something. About Mary as done by Jim.Henson during his Dark Crystal/ Labyrinth. period! Sheer brilliance .
Profile Image for Karin.
205 reviews
August 27, 2015
Truly terrible. Finished it to complete a line on the BOTNS BINGO challenge. Definitely not my genre.
Profile Image for S.B. (Beauty in Ruins).
2,675 reviews244 followers
September 3, 2022
Remember that spam email you received promising to share millions of dollars if you'd just share your bank account with the spouse of some crooked African dictator? How about the one where some 'gorgeous' Russian girl with a vocabulary south of the bimbo mark begs you for the pleasure of calling her 900 number? Or what about the one threatening absolute catastrophe if you don't immediately forward the message to 20 of your closest friends? If you've ever had even a passing thought of opening one of those ticking e-bombs, Steve Lowe has a word of caution for you:

"Why you are sloth? Because fuck you is why! HAHAHAHAHA!!1!"

It is with that pithy, English-as-a-third-language, taunt that everything begins going wrong for the reader - because, as the title suggests, YOU are the protagonist. Magically transformed into an honest-to-gosh sloth, complete with yellow claws, a furry back, and an extraordinary long tongue, you're left to play everything from cute wingman, to furry target of gay men's affections, to vengeance-seeking superhero. This is one rude, crude, and lewd adventure, filled with ridiculous toilet humor, the worst kind of gay stereotypes, and a rather piss-poor opinion of humanity. It's also wildly imaginative, very funny, and even pithy and insightful, provided you can allow yourself to see through the Bizarro spectacle.

Lowe is definitely one of the more accessible authors of the genre, somebody who gives as much attention to telling a story as to exploring the surreal. His narrative is simple and free-flowing, without playing any sort of literary tricks to confuse or amuse. In addition, his characters actually have a personality, and develop through the course of the story. His story is deliberately offensive in many ways, but as a caricature or over-the-top parody, never as a mean-spirited attack. There are some Bizarro titles I skim through for scenes that catch my eye, and others that I read cover-to-cover . . . Lowe is definitely one of the latter, and a gentleman I need to read more of.


Originally reviewed at Beauty in Ruins
Profile Image for Joseph Barber.
265 reviews5 followers
February 4, 2022
You open up a spam email that turns you into your power animal a sloth. Well your were lazy in the first place, right? You are now getting calls from gay men that want to meet up for sex. What’s going on? To make matters worse you are now questioned by the police, because several gay men have disappeared after calling your home phone number. You don’t want to go to jail, since your a sloth jail want be with the human population but with dogs at the humane society! Those dogs will tear your slow butt apart. What do you do? Team up with your neighbors, Randy the Retard and Cross the Asshole, to form the SLOTH SQUAD!

TO THE SLOTHMOBILE!
Profile Image for mkfs.
333 reviews29 followers
May 13, 2019
An enjoyable little nonsense book.
Profile Image for Javi.
96 reviews4 followers
March 29, 2020
This what hilarious and not for the easily offended.
Profile Image for Adam Bricker.
544 reviews6 followers
August 17, 2021
A more exciting/action-filled Gen X version of The Metamorphosis by way of an animal version of Oz and Lord of the Flies
Profile Image for Matthew Clarke.
Author 59 books181 followers
November 26, 2021
One of those rare books that keeps getting better and better. I found myself exhaling slightly harder than usual on several occasions!
Profile Image for J.W. Wargo.
Author 1 book3 followers
October 19, 2013
I am sloth. Steve Lowe wrote a book about me. It's a book about me because who else would the "You" in the title be referring to? Steve Lowe did a fantastic job chronicling my transformation and subsequent revenge against The Spammer who did this to me. Before I became sloth, I was just another unhappy-go-lucky freelance editor trudging through terribly written self-help books and getting by rent payment to rent payment. Then came the day I did the unthinkable... I opened a spam e-mail and clicked on the website link! Next thing I knew, I was all three toes and furrifically fuzzed. Luckily I had a couple pals, Cross and Randy, living in my apartment building. Cross just wants to use me to get laid, and Randy's hiding something. nonetheless, together we formed the Sloth Squad to take down that Spammer and stop his nefarious scheme of turning people into animals through e-mail. Now we just got to figure out how to get him. I wish that phone would stop ringing, probably another misdialed number for that Craigslist ad from some guy looking to have man-on-man relations while exotic animals watch... Damn! I could really go for a beer or a whiskey right now. Who cares if it does terrible things to my insides?

...and the carpet.
Profile Image for Pedro Proença.
Author 5 books45 followers
October 7, 2014
Why did you opened that link sent to you by the Philippino Sheriff's Attaché to East Berlin? Now, you are sloth. Literally. Why? Wel...
Steve Lowe's "You Are Sloth!" is a cautionary tale about internet spam.
Not really, no.
Steve Lowe's "You Are Sloth!" is a modern version of Kafka's "The Metamorphosis".
Yeah, not really.
Steve Lowe's "You Are Sloth!" is a great Bizarro book by one of the great masters of the genre. It's about some poor Joe (You) that after a night drinking with his stupid neighbors, Cross and Randy the Retard. He's (you've) been victim of The Spammer, a terrorist who is also responsible for the disappearance of several gay men, all of whom had called your number moments before going missing. Now, he (you) and his (your) neighbors must track down The Spammer and save the day.
This book is highly entertaining, and has the "Steve Lowe" seal of quality. It's funny, Bizarro, action filled, has some nice sloth-to-human tonguing, and more. Highly recommended, this is an instant classic, and from now on, part of my answer to "Which books do you recommend for getting started with Bizarro Fiction?".
Profile Image for Bix Skahill.
Author 3 books14 followers
August 29, 2014
Russia has Dostoevsky, France has Flaubert, England has J. K. Rowling, but America has the best of all: Steve Lowe. Don't let his last name fool you, this young author should be "high" on your list.

You Are Sloth! is a about a man who is turned into a sloth by opening a spam email. With the help of his friends Cross the Asshole and Randy the Retard, the unnamed second-person hero goes after the Spammer. They have to stop the Spammer before he takes over the world by turning everyone into their spirit animals.

Several times I laughed out loud while reading You Are Sloth! There were even times I laughed about it while I wasn't reading it. Sometimes, I even chuckled a little when I faced certain danger (many times, in my line of work, I find myself in life and death situations, but I don't want to go into that now).

If you like things and stuff, you should read this book, even if you are sloth!
Profile Image for Charles.
Author 25 books23 followers
December 4, 2013
This book is wickedly fun. Oozing with slothiness, spam, crime, chaos, bodily fluids and deviant sex acts, it'll leave you itching to know what might happen if YOU drink enough beer and whiskey and open that spam email. Maybe it'll turn you into a Louis Vuitton bag. Or a Rolex watch with Swiss movement. Or a power animal like the main character's -- a less than flattering sloth. It'll help you accept who you are. The kind of weirdo who reads books about spam that turns you into your power animal. Which is good enough for me. I give this book three toes up.
Profile Image for Andy de Fonseca.
Author 4 books15 followers
November 25, 2013
I can't get over that effing cover. I look at it, I can't stop laughing. And that's pretty much how it was throughout the book. Reading about this sloth and his misadventures made me gleeful. I loved every moment of it, and wanted more. I would write more of a review, but really, I just had a giddy feeling imaging this sloth doing crazy shit. And also, because I am sloth. I will forever be sloth. So this is it.
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