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In Exile: Rupture, Reunion, and My Grandmother’s Secret Life
In a deeply personal investigation, award-winning journalist Sadiya Ansari takes us across three continents and back a century as she seeks the truth behind a family secret. Why did her grandmother Tahira abandon her seven children to follow a man from Karachi to a tiny village in Punjab? And though she eventually left him, Tahira remained estranged from her children for nearly two decades. Who was she in those years when she was no longer a wife or mother? For Sadiya herself, uninterested in marriage and children, the question begets another: What space is available to women who defy cultural expectations?
Through her inquiry, Sadiya discovers what her daadi's life was like during that separation and she confronts difficult historical truths: the pervasiveness of child marriage, how Partition made refugees of millions of families like hers, and how the national freedoms achieved in 1947 did not extend to women’s lives. She sees the threads of this history woven through each generation after, and finds an unexpected sense of belonging in a culture that, at first blush, shuns women for wanting lives of their own.
Through her inquiry, Sadiya discovers what her daadi's life was like during that separation and she confronts difficult historical truths: the pervasiveness of child marriage, how Partition made refugees of millions of families like hers, and how the national freedoms achieved in 1947 did not extend to women’s lives. She sees the threads of this history woven through each generation after, and finds an unexpected sense of belonging in a culture that, at first blush, shuns women for wanting lives of their own.
232 pages, Paperback
Published August 13, 2024
7 people are currently reading
3306 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 38 reviews
August 17, 2024
I read this in a single 24 hour period. Couldn’t put it down. I think it’ll hit home for every Karachi girl with complicated women in their family 💖
August 9, 2024
A profoundly personal, beautifully written, and deeply researched memoir. It had me thinking of the generations of family history and secrets that get told and warped and lost through time (even in the women of my own family!) and how lucky we are as readers to be able to read about Sadiya’s. Expert investigation and brilliantly crafted.
October 24, 2024
Such a riveting family mystery. It was inspiring to see so many people partake in unravelling this story and help your family learn about a matriarch long after she'd died. Sadiya, I'm grateful you shared such a personal and captivating story. As a fellow writer, I took notes on your journalist reflections at the end on the mistakes you made while interviewing relatives -- adding to my toolkit.
November 21, 2024
Two generous stars. For a nonfiction, there is waaaay too much speculation presented as fact. Every chapter written from the author's grandmother's perspective is complete speculation and likely lots of fabrications. The author has zero ways to know how her grandmother felt or thought since she didn't ask her before she passed away. That alone gives this book one star only.
The writing was quite average, the story was disjointed, and the book was trying to be too many things and it shows.
This book failed to capture my interest the way I thought it would which is super disappointing.
The writing was quite average, the story was disjointed, and the book was trying to be too many things and it shows.
This book failed to capture my interest the way I thought it would which is super disappointing.
May 19, 2025
3.5 stars! such a compelling investigation of personal family history. i liked the discussion of how women can’t be confined to simple boxes like good or bad feminist heroines. i also thought it was interesting how the narrative chapters were interspersed with the chapters about her own research journey. finished this book in 2 days because it was difficult to put it down!
Want to read
July 19, 2025added this to my TBR shelf as Carley Fortune recommended this title among others that she read while writing ONE GOLDEN SUMMER. I'm just hoping my library will add this title to their inventory one day.
March 13, 2025
The book seemed intriguing but the writing left a lot to be desired. The whole book felt disjointed and poorly written. I had to DNF
July 10, 2025
I think the book club girlies would like this one! Interesting story and liked learning more about South Asian history and culture
January 16, 2025
I was very interested to learn more about Pakistan and the impact Partitian had on the people of India and Pakistan. Certainly a very sad story and difficult lives brought on by very oppressive cultural expectations on women.
December 29, 2025
A beautiful memoir about rediscovery. Learned lots about South Asian history as well! Read for a class.
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September 16, 2024Sadiya Ansari’s "In Exile" is a poignant memoir that offers a window into the life of her grandmother, Tahira. Married off at age 14 and later widowed at 35 with seven young children, Tahira faced societal and economic hardships that were compounded by the socio-political upheavals of Partition. After immigrating to Karachi, Tahira formed a connection with a man who shared her love of poetry; but her relationship with him would lead to her leaving and losing contact with her children for 18 years.
Ansari’s portrayal of Tahira is neither romanticized nor vilified but offers a nuanced perspective of a woman navigating the constraints of a patriarchal society. Tahira’s choices—while often judged harshly—are portrayed as survival mechanisms rather than acts of bold feminist rebellion or selfishness. By refraining from categorizing or judging Tahira in dichotomies, Ansari gifts her grandmother what society so rarely affords women - layers.
Ansari also highlights the often-overlooked support that women provide each other within patriarchal structures. The small acts of solidarity and empathy that Tahira receives—from her sister-in-law who moves to Karachi to raise her children, to Hasina Begum who helps her secure employment, and finally, her daughters who facilitate her return—are portrayed as profound expressions of feminism.
One of the most compelling aspects of "In Exile" is Ansari's exploration of the intersection of personal and collective histories. The cities of Pakistan, including Karachi, where Tahira and her children initially settled, were themselves in a state of flux, trying to establish their place in the newly formed nation. This parallel enriches the memoir’s exploration of identity and belonging. Her father and grandmother, despite living most of their lives in near poverty in Pakistan, were haunted by wistful memories of their former affluent life in Hyderabad, their home in India.
The memoir also delves into the broader implications of displacement and identity formation as Ansari's father and uncles begin immigrating to Canada. Ansari's reflections on her reaction to Mughal architecture in Pakistan, compared to her experiences with Western buildings, highlight a deep-seated connection to a cultural heritage that her family had been distanced from. The constant uprooting and reinvention that characterize the family’s history are mirrored in Ansari's own sense of being unmoored. Her visit to a friend's multi-generational family home in the Berkshires serves as a stark contrast to her own family's lack of a stable place to build upon.
"In Exile" is a deeply moving read that offers valuable insights into the complexities of identity and the search for belonging in a world that is often in flux. Through a personal and historical lens, Ansari not only chronicles her grandmother's unconventional choices, but also examines the lasting impacts of displacement, identity, and the search for belonging that ripple through generations.
Ansari’s portrayal of Tahira is neither romanticized nor vilified but offers a nuanced perspective of a woman navigating the constraints of a patriarchal society. Tahira’s choices—while often judged harshly—are portrayed as survival mechanisms rather than acts of bold feminist rebellion or selfishness. By refraining from categorizing or judging Tahira in dichotomies, Ansari gifts her grandmother what society so rarely affords women - layers.
Ansari also highlights the often-overlooked support that women provide each other within patriarchal structures. The small acts of solidarity and empathy that Tahira receives—from her sister-in-law who moves to Karachi to raise her children, to Hasina Begum who helps her secure employment, and finally, her daughters who facilitate her return—are portrayed as profound expressions of feminism.
One of the most compelling aspects of "In Exile" is Ansari's exploration of the intersection of personal and collective histories. The cities of Pakistan, including Karachi, where Tahira and her children initially settled, were themselves in a state of flux, trying to establish their place in the newly formed nation. This parallel enriches the memoir’s exploration of identity and belonging. Her father and grandmother, despite living most of their lives in near poverty in Pakistan, were haunted by wistful memories of their former affluent life in Hyderabad, their home in India.
The memoir also delves into the broader implications of displacement and identity formation as Ansari's father and uncles begin immigrating to Canada. Ansari's reflections on her reaction to Mughal architecture in Pakistan, compared to her experiences with Western buildings, highlight a deep-seated connection to a cultural heritage that her family had been distanced from. The constant uprooting and reinvention that characterize the family’s history are mirrored in Ansari's own sense of being unmoored. Her visit to a friend's multi-generational family home in the Berkshires serves as a stark contrast to her own family's lack of a stable place to build upon.
"In Exile" is a deeply moving read that offers valuable insights into the complexities of identity and the search for belonging in a world that is often in flux. Through a personal and historical lens, Ansari not only chronicles her grandmother's unconventional choices, but also examines the lasting impacts of displacement, identity, and the search for belonging that ripple through generations.
August 1, 2024
Thank you to House of Anansi Press Inc. for providing this book for review consideration via NetGalley. All opinions are my own.
In Exile is a memoir told in two alternating narratives. The story of the author’s grandmother’s life in Pakistan is told, as well as first-person stories from the author about researching the life of her grandmother and her family.
I think what the author of this book did most successfully was convey her own sense of tenderness and care for her parents, her grandmother, and their experiences. It would be very easy to paint her grandmother in a binary; victim of circumstance or neglectful mother. The amount of empathy that she shows for all of her family members is immense. It comes across very strongly that this was a passion project and that the author cared deeply about sharing this story with the world.
At one point, (not a direct quote), the author mentions that she wasn’t quite sure what this book was meant to be. Unfortunately, that is at times a little bit evident. The parallel narrative structure isn’t exactly executed. The author’s timeline is more tangential, at times talking about her experience writing and researching, but at other times seeming to be single-chapter essays about the immigrant experience or interviewing as an art. I think if the sections set in the present were more linear and similar in structure to the part of the memoir focused on her grandmother that it would be more harmonious.
I’m not convinced that this doesn’t feel a little disjointed. The chapters about her grandmother have more cohesion and a more straightforward structure. The sections focused on her experiences were less of a memoir and more of a collection of long-form essays. I think maybe they would be slightly more successful if they were classified as long form journalistic pieces rather than segments of a memoir.
My final feelings are that this is a heartfelt and interesting memoir that at times feels slightly disconnected. The author’s voice is strong and clear, and in general I did enjoy it.
In Exile is a memoir told in two alternating narratives. The story of the author’s grandmother’s life in Pakistan is told, as well as first-person stories from the author about researching the life of her grandmother and her family.
I think what the author of this book did most successfully was convey her own sense of tenderness and care for her parents, her grandmother, and their experiences. It would be very easy to paint her grandmother in a binary; victim of circumstance or neglectful mother. The amount of empathy that she shows for all of her family members is immense. It comes across very strongly that this was a passion project and that the author cared deeply about sharing this story with the world.
At one point, (not a direct quote), the author mentions that she wasn’t quite sure what this book was meant to be. Unfortunately, that is at times a little bit evident. The parallel narrative structure isn’t exactly executed. The author’s timeline is more tangential, at times talking about her experience writing and researching, but at other times seeming to be single-chapter essays about the immigrant experience or interviewing as an art. I think if the sections set in the present were more linear and similar in structure to the part of the memoir focused on her grandmother that it would be more harmonious.
I’m not convinced that this doesn’t feel a little disjointed. The chapters about her grandmother have more cohesion and a more straightforward structure. The sections focused on her experiences were less of a memoir and more of a collection of long-form essays. I think maybe they would be slightly more successful if they were classified as long form journalistic pieces rather than segments of a memoir.
My final feelings are that this is a heartfelt and interesting memoir that at times feels slightly disconnected. The author’s voice is strong and clear, and in general I did enjoy it.
November 22, 2024
I have mixed feelings about this work, which is neither fiction nor nonfiction; it is neither a novel nor a biography! All the traveling by the different characters, including the protagonist Tahira, made me dizzy. I understand the concept of uprootedness, but I still cannot fathom how a woman would leave her seven children and six other people under her care, and abscond to another place to start a new life with another nondescript man!
October 3, 2024
Sweet serendipity. This is one of those “things happen for a reason” moments by grandmother used to love to remark upon.
Straight off the top I so much appreciated the Author’s Note at the front of the book. Oh how I wish more of the Memoirs had this kind of “statement” or “disclosure” right up front.
This is a title that pushes the boundaries of what a personal memoir can be - or is.
Equally about herself and her family - especially her grandmother, on her father’s side her Daadi - she explores the fact of, and the legacy of, colonialism from a very personal perspective… from that of a widowed women in mid-20th Century India and Pakistan.
She does a solid job of exploring the intersection(s) between religion, history, politics and identity.
She does a particularly good job of highlighting the impact of partition - which was a complaint I had with respect to Shelley Wood’s Leap Year Gene.
It becomes clear as we read - and to she herself - that there are so many parallels between her life and her Daadi’s life.
They are/were both women trying to chart their own course in the world, trying to shape their own identities in opposition to prevailing social and cultural attitudes about women.
But even though the “story” is quite specific to her Pakistani family, there is also a universality to much of what she writes especially as it relates to:
Internalised racism and mysogyny; and,
Parent child relationships - fraught with danger and guilt no matter the culture.
She really hit it home in a paragraph on p155, which I’ll precis here:
“Every family has loose connection ruins, lost connection ruins, and cords that have been cut… The places we land are often built on these selective narratives… And the focus becomes continuing to build”
What sets this apart from the “typical” personal memoir is that she happens to be a journalist.
As she is engaging in her research and excavating her family history, she is simultaneously interrogating the role of the journalist.
In her Afterword she engages in some interesting reflection on just this.
Her observations and experiences as a journalist interviewing her own family are most interesting - and universally applicable
And I don’t think it’s just because as my parents health - and cognitive abilities - have been declining these last few years that I myself have been purposefully capturing - usually by voice recording - their stories.
She leaves us with some pretty big questions to think about, especially this one: What matters more - what actually happened or how someone remembers it?
This leads her round to some pretty big observations about trauma, and having people remember - revisit - trauma.
Ultimately she settles on the side of raising the issue and meeting it head on because addressing the trauma and remembering as it was “holds the possibility for that pain to be recognized”
There are some editing issues - a minor tendency to repetition - but nothing that I’m cringing about.
There’s an authenticity and vulnerability to it… and of course it explores a time and place that is not much written about in our literature.
Straight off the top I so much appreciated the Author’s Note at the front of the book. Oh how I wish more of the Memoirs had this kind of “statement” or “disclosure” right up front.
This is a title that pushes the boundaries of what a personal memoir can be - or is.
Equally about herself and her family - especially her grandmother, on her father’s side her Daadi - she explores the fact of, and the legacy of, colonialism from a very personal perspective… from that of a widowed women in mid-20th Century India and Pakistan.
She does a solid job of exploring the intersection(s) between religion, history, politics and identity.
She does a particularly good job of highlighting the impact of partition - which was a complaint I had with respect to Shelley Wood’s Leap Year Gene.
It becomes clear as we read - and to she herself - that there are so many parallels between her life and her Daadi’s life.
They are/were both women trying to chart their own course in the world, trying to shape their own identities in opposition to prevailing social and cultural attitudes about women.
But even though the “story” is quite specific to her Pakistani family, there is also a universality to much of what she writes especially as it relates to:
Internalised racism and mysogyny; and,
Parent child relationships - fraught with danger and guilt no matter the culture.
She really hit it home in a paragraph on p155, which I’ll precis here:
“Every family has loose connection ruins, lost connection ruins, and cords that have been cut… The places we land are often built on these selective narratives… And the focus becomes continuing to build”
What sets this apart from the “typical” personal memoir is that she happens to be a journalist.
As she is engaging in her research and excavating her family history, she is simultaneously interrogating the role of the journalist.
In her Afterword she engages in some interesting reflection on just this.
Her observations and experiences as a journalist interviewing her own family are most interesting - and universally applicable
And I don’t think it’s just because as my parents health - and cognitive abilities - have been declining these last few years that I myself have been purposefully capturing - usually by voice recording - their stories.
She leaves us with some pretty big questions to think about, especially this one: What matters more - what actually happened or how someone remembers it?
This leads her round to some pretty big observations about trauma, and having people remember - revisit - trauma.
Ultimately she settles on the side of raising the issue and meeting it head on because addressing the trauma and remembering as it was “holds the possibility for that pain to be recognized”
There are some editing issues - a minor tendency to repetition - but nothing that I’m cringing about.
There’s an authenticity and vulnerability to it… and of course it explores a time and place that is not much written about in our literature.
January 4, 2025
In Exile (pg 44-45):
- This really resonated with my own life experience in Toronto:
“Maybe this desire came from so many others trying to pin my face to a map colleagues, professors, cab drivers, pushing to know the origins of my brown face, ignoring the fact that anyone except for an Indigenous person on Canadian land is foreign. With fellow immigrants or recent descendants, I have the tendency to be much more open. With a certain type of white person, I prefer to smile politely and say I'm from Canada, clarifying that I'm from Toronto, further naming the suburb I grew up in, as though I misunderstand what they're getting at. But people can be persistent about knowing things that are none of their business, and inevitably I am worn down to giving them what they want. Even the way Pakistan rolls off my tongue gives them the thrill of discovering some sort of Eastern creature hiding behind my Canadian accent. I can see their curiosity satisfied, their tight gaze on me loosening, the skin around their eyes smoothing out as they stop squinting, as though that alone has unlocked my exotic origins. And then, an excited response about a neighbour who shares my roots, their love of curry, or the occasional comment that of course it makes sense I'm Pakistani because of a deeply incorrect notion that Pakistanis are fairer-skinned than Indians.”
- The writing in this book is ok, and the shifting in perspectives was distracting at times. I think I would have preferred this written as a fictional novel based on personal experiences, rather than memoir. That being said, I really appreciated the realness of this book and the author taking us readers along with her in real-time, letting us see the layers of her family’s history and experiences reveal themselves to us as she investigates and reflects. What made this book most enjoyable for me was being able to reflect on my own life experiences which were very similar to the author, and the wish I could have similarly explored my own family’s history too, knowing how hard it is to do that for those of us outside of Western societies. As children of immigrants, we are reliant on largely verbalized stories being passed down, with limited documentation and language/cultural barriers to engage and relate with our own relatives to explore their lives (and those of ancestors), us being neither from the East or the West. So much of our own history is lost to us, and limits our ability to truly know ourselves.
- This really resonated with my own life experience in Toronto:
“Maybe this desire came from so many others trying to pin my face to a map colleagues, professors, cab drivers, pushing to know the origins of my brown face, ignoring the fact that anyone except for an Indigenous person on Canadian land is foreign. With fellow immigrants or recent descendants, I have the tendency to be much more open. With a certain type of white person, I prefer to smile politely and say I'm from Canada, clarifying that I'm from Toronto, further naming the suburb I grew up in, as though I misunderstand what they're getting at. But people can be persistent about knowing things that are none of their business, and inevitably I am worn down to giving them what they want. Even the way Pakistan rolls off my tongue gives them the thrill of discovering some sort of Eastern creature hiding behind my Canadian accent. I can see their curiosity satisfied, their tight gaze on me loosening, the skin around their eyes smoothing out as they stop squinting, as though that alone has unlocked my exotic origins. And then, an excited response about a neighbour who shares my roots, their love of curry, or the occasional comment that of course it makes sense I'm Pakistani because of a deeply incorrect notion that Pakistanis are fairer-skinned than Indians.”
- The writing in this book is ok, and the shifting in perspectives was distracting at times. I think I would have preferred this written as a fictional novel based on personal experiences, rather than memoir. That being said, I really appreciated the realness of this book and the author taking us readers along with her in real-time, letting us see the layers of her family’s history and experiences reveal themselves to us as she investigates and reflects. What made this book most enjoyable for me was being able to reflect on my own life experiences which were very similar to the author, and the wish I could have similarly explored my own family’s history too, knowing how hard it is to do that for those of us outside of Western societies. As children of immigrants, we are reliant on largely verbalized stories being passed down, with limited documentation and language/cultural barriers to engage and relate with our own relatives to explore their lives (and those of ancestors), us being neither from the East or the West. So much of our own history is lost to us, and limits our ability to truly know ourselves.
September 4, 2024
|| IN EXILE ||
#gifted @houseofanansi
✍🏻
"The truth about identity is that you don't have to announce it if you don't feel like it or justify it anyone if you do. The truth about my own identity is that the things that make me who I am are both my deep desire to recognize my roots and the deep desire to explore. Karachi provides grounding for me----a reminder of the journey my family has been on and why it matters. A reminder that you can cultivate your roots and still choose to transplant."
•
But every woman resists what doesn't feel good, in small and big ways. And those who haven't been able to leave their chambers sometimes raise a generation who will, that's not always the fluke we think it is. But rebellion is not always a feminist act. Rebellion is not always an admirable act. We aren't individualized atoms solely responsible for our own choices as much as Western culture would like us to believe. Choosing yourself as a woman has consequences that can't be glossed over in a neat narrative arc. Daadi was a woman who both left her children and longed for them. A woman who had circumstances imposed on her that damaged her greatly and who made choices that may have damaged her even more."
•
In Exile is an investigative memoir about family history, women, generational stories, hard choices, politics and cultural expectations.
I couldn't put this down. The author shares the story of her grandmother's life in Pakistan a woman who abandoned her seven children to follow a man from Karachi to a tiny village in Punjab. The man eventually died and yet her grandmother remained estranged from her children for nearly two decades. The author investigates what her grandmother's life was like during that separation.
This was such an interesting memoir. Dealing with women's lives in a culture that shuns women for wanting lives of their own. How Ansari traces the threads of her famililes history was incredibly personal, vulnerable, heartfelt, and written with much empathy. Highly reccomend!
For more of my book content check out instagram.com/bookalong
#gifted @houseofanansi
✍🏻
"The truth about identity is that you don't have to announce it if you don't feel like it or justify it anyone if you do. The truth about my own identity is that the things that make me who I am are both my deep desire to recognize my roots and the deep desire to explore. Karachi provides grounding for me----a reminder of the journey my family has been on and why it matters. A reminder that you can cultivate your roots and still choose to transplant."
•
But every woman resists what doesn't feel good, in small and big ways. And those who haven't been able to leave their chambers sometimes raise a generation who will, that's not always the fluke we think it is. But rebellion is not always a feminist act. Rebellion is not always an admirable act. We aren't individualized atoms solely responsible for our own choices as much as Western culture would like us to believe. Choosing yourself as a woman has consequences that can't be glossed over in a neat narrative arc. Daadi was a woman who both left her children and longed for them. A woman who had circumstances imposed on her that damaged her greatly and who made choices that may have damaged her even more."
•
In Exile is an investigative memoir about family history, women, generational stories, hard choices, politics and cultural expectations.
I couldn't put this down. The author shares the story of her grandmother's life in Pakistan a woman who abandoned her seven children to follow a man from Karachi to a tiny village in Punjab. The man eventually died and yet her grandmother remained estranged from her children for nearly two decades. The author investigates what her grandmother's life was like during that separation.
This was such an interesting memoir. Dealing with women's lives in a culture that shuns women for wanting lives of their own. How Ansari traces the threads of her famililes history was incredibly personal, vulnerable, heartfelt, and written with much empathy. Highly reccomend!
For more of my book content check out instagram.com/bookalong
August 20, 2024
Reading Sadiya Ansari’s book felt like a personal journey. My family has a similar cultural background, and I grew up with many of the same expectations. Sadiya put into words so many things I’ve felt but never knew how to express.
The book centres around her grandmother, Tahira, who made the difficult decision to leave her seven children, leading to years of estrangement from her family. I really enjoyed how the author didn’t just focus on her grandmother’s choices, but also looked at the bigger picture—like the history of child marriage, the impact of Partition, and how cultural norms shaped women’s lives.
The author’s exploration of these themes made me reflect on my own experiences and the expectations of women in my family. This book is a must-read for anyone who’s ever felt conflicted about cultural expectations and their own desires.
The book centres around her grandmother, Tahira, who made the difficult decision to leave her seven children, leading to years of estrangement from her family. I really enjoyed how the author didn’t just focus on her grandmother’s choices, but also looked at the bigger picture—like the history of child marriage, the impact of Partition, and how cultural norms shaped women’s lives.
The author’s exploration of these themes made me reflect on my own experiences and the expectations of women in my family. This book is a must-read for anyone who’s ever felt conflicted about cultural expectations and their own desires.
September 10, 2024
My initial thought going into this was that I would love to hear this as an audiobook. The details offered by the author are so generous and the research that has gone into this project is incredible. Oral history is a increasingly popular as we, along with our grandparents and parents age, and as children are born into families they know little of at first. I recently finished editing one of my grandmother’s memoirs and I can’t begin to imagine how much of a challenge this book was in assembling a cohesive timeline, without the aid of journals and personal diaries.
I am always hesitant with decisions on what stories are ours to tell and I appreciate that the author reached out to various sources to tell this one.
I am always hesitant with decisions on what stories are ours to tell and I appreciate that the author reached out to various sources to tell this one.
September 23, 2024
This was a book I chose for a book club prompt because it looked promising compared with some of the debuting fiction stuff. This turned out to be one of my favorites of the year! The book was well written and explored personal feelings about the author’s own family mystery and history in a way that was honest and compassionate. In today’s rather unforgiving world it was refreshing to read of a not-missed opportunity to understand and simply forgive without agreeing. Plus u learned so much about a culture difference that I had not appreciated before. Yet in this instance culture was almost an active character. Great book!
January 13, 2025
As excited as I was to read this book, I’m not even sure why I bothered. It was utterly disappointing. Painting such self-less and loving people without cross-checking in such a negative light is both shameful and absurd. The problem with some generations is that they believe they’re out there doing “good” without ever considering how their “good” can negatively affect others. This book is completely biased. I am the granddaughter of the person painted in such a terrible light in this book. The author could’ve written about anything else, but decided it was best to write this? It is beyond me how anybody could possibly pen such ugly thoughts about others.
April 5, 2025
I found myself thoroughly enjoying the sections about Tahira, even as we were learning about the power a man has in this culture as the eldest son had more say over the family than mom did.
Working through her journey was quite interesting.
As the story turned back to Saniya’s own journey, I found she wrote with her natural journalistic style. While well written, it was not as engaging.
Her theme of considerations of trauma was informative and thought provoking.
I thought she did a good job of being genuine in her self actualization, almost like she was taking the journey at the same time as the reader.
This honesty helped make the book what it is.
June 16, 2025
Riveting story of the author's paternal grandmother (daadi), covering her life from marriage at the age of 14 (or 16) and her pre-Partition days in India, to her move to various cities and towns in Pakistan, leaving and reconnecting with her children, and finally coming to Canada to live out her days with her sons. The chapters about Tahira held my attention and interest throughout. But the ones about the author herself were, well, not quite so interesting, and the Afterword was quite unnecessary. But overall, a good read. This is certainly not a story of the typical Pakistani woman and should not be taken as representing them.
August 14, 2024
It’s a luxury and privilege to know one’s family’s history. For many brown people, we don’t have accurate records (many were destroyed due to colonization), remaining records are now held in archives (without easy access), and in many cases the stories are lost. We rely on old photos, documents with fading handwriting, and stories that have been passed down by each generation. Stories that are cherished.
Sadiya Ansari’s ‘In Exile’ is more than an investigative piece. You can literally feel the author and her family healing with each chapter. There’s something introspective and powerful when undertaking a personal journey. But to rediscover hidden secrets from your family’s past, and then be willing to share them with readers? That’s brave. Congratulations, Sadiya, on such a moving debut. Thank you so much for sharing Tahira with the world.
Sadiya Ansari’s ‘In Exile’ is more than an investigative piece. You can literally feel the author and her family healing with each chapter. There’s something introspective and powerful when undertaking a personal journey. But to rediscover hidden secrets from your family’s past, and then be willing to share them with readers? That’s brave. Congratulations, Sadiya, on such a moving debut. Thank you so much for sharing Tahira with the world.
August 21, 2024
This is a memoir about the author's family and their lives as they moved back and forth between India, Pakistan, and eventually Canada. The story focuses on the author's grandmother, who left her 7 children after her first husband's death to start a new life with her second husband. When she reappears in their lives almost 20 years later, her family struggles with her reasoning and the trauma.
As the author delves into her family history to discover the answers to her questions about her grandmother, she shares the strong traditions and cultures that led to the decisions everyone in her family made.
I received an advance review copy for free and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
As the author delves into her family history to discover the answers to her questions about her grandmother, she shares the strong traditions and cultures that led to the decisions everyone in her family made.
I received an advance review copy for free and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
January 25, 2025
A lovely investigation of the author's grandmother, including the surprising choice she made and its reverberations down the generations. Ansari alternates a fictional account of her grandmother's life with an honest portrayal of her journey as a reporter, memoirist, and daughter (including the often-conflicting tensions between these roles). Interesting themes of immigration; the choices that women have (or do not have); how we parent and live in reaction to how we were parented; and how we deal with or push away our pasts.
November 11, 2024
Learned a lot of history from this book on Pakistan and India and their cultures, family, hierarchy, social rules but most importantly the author brings it to the light of day that almost all cultures live in a patriarchal dominance with women bearing the brunt of hardship while also trying to navigate making life theirs with so much hardship.
November 30, 2024
I really wanted to like this book but I just found myself disinterested. I tend to think it’s more my current state of mind than a problem on the part of the book, because I can’t even put my finger on what it is I don’t like about it.
I definitely learned things about a culture I’m unfamiliar with and I appreciated that.
I definitely learned things about a culture I’m unfamiliar with and I appreciated that.
November 4, 2024
Interesting, and nicely written tale of the author's grandmother, which covers the Partition of India period and its aftermath. Not terribly compelling, could have used a glossary for the many terms in this book that are culturally unknown to a Western reader.
January 19, 2025
I typically like these real life stories but the way this was written was a bit confusing. The back and forth between the grand mother’s story and the grand daughter was not constructed well… good over all story
August 3, 2024
What a stunning debut, Sadiya. Defies neat description as memoir, investigation, historic analysis, etc … couldn’t put it down. Beautiful.
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