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Avery #1
Out of the Blackness
A childhood of abuse has left Avery so physically and emotionally scarred he believes he shouldn't be alive. His only sanctuary has been his relationship with his older foster brother Sam. Avery finally lets Sam convince him to start therapy to help overcome his crippling anxiety, but even that can't prepare him for the upheaval caused by meeting Noah Yates.
Noah is everything Avery fears. He's large and physically powerful—and undeniably capable of destroying Avery's hard-earned progress. Although Noah seems to have a tender streak when it comes to him, Avery is terrified of being victimized again. But no matter how many times he tries to push him away, Noah never goes far.
Noah wants to save Avery, but can he be the catalyst Avery needs to begin the journey out of the blackness?
Noah is everything Avery fears. He's large and physically powerful—and undeniably capable of destroying Avery's hard-earned progress. Although Noah seems to have a tender streak when it comes to him, Avery is terrified of being victimized again. But no matter how many times he tries to push him away, Noah never goes far.
Noah wants to save Avery, but can he be the catalyst Avery needs to begin the journey out of the blackness?
345 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 9, 2013
35 people are currently reading
1752 people want to read
About the author
Carter Quinn
12 books191 followersCarter Quinn was born and raised in a very small Western Kansas town where cattle vastly outnumber humans. In the 90s he read enough depressing gay fiction to give up on it. He discovered M/M in 2010 and started writing again. Now he's told Corporate America to kiss his books. Carter recently left the Denver area, meaning he is entirely too far from his beloved Colorado Avalanche.
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July 13, 2013If you like this or not is going to depend on your tolerance for spending a whole book watching Avery, Emperor of the Woobies, slowly climb out of the hurt-comfort pit of doom. The narrative tension is entirely based on whether Avery can speak to Noah, can he look in Noah's eyes, can he eat a meal with Noah, can he let them touch, can he get off his Valium, etc etc etc.
The book is exactly what it says in the blurb. Exactly. Personally I would have liked some external conflict, any conflict. This is just me, and I clearly cannot blame the author, because he delivered what he promised. And boy, can this man write emotional trauma! This book will be the benchmark for m/m woobies evermore.
While I was right there for Avery for the first 35% I stopped returning his calls after about 40%. I needed him to recover faster, and this is why I am not a therapist.
This passage is pretty indicative of the content of the book throughout:
"Noah gathers me in his arms and gives me a gentle noogie, followed by a smacking kiss to the top of my head and pulls me down to sit beside him on the couch. I giggle a little and curl into him under his arm, resting my head on his insanely sexy chest. While he and Sam animatedly watch the game, I watch the play of light highlight the smattering of hair across Noah's chest."
If you love the slow-recovery-from-abuse-with-endlessly-patient-supportive-loving-partner theme then dig in.
The book is exactly what it says in the blurb. Exactly. Personally I would have liked some external conflict, any conflict. This is just me, and I clearly cannot blame the author, because he delivered what he promised. And boy, can this man write emotional trauma! This book will be the benchmark for m/m woobies evermore.
While I was right there for Avery for the first 35% I stopped returning his calls after about 40%. I needed him to recover faster, and this is why I am not a therapist.
This passage is pretty indicative of the content of the book throughout:
"Noah gathers me in his arms and gives me a gentle noogie, followed by a smacking kiss to the top of my head and pulls me down to sit beside him on the couch. I giggle a little and curl into him under his arm, resting my head on his insanely sexy chest. While he and Sam animatedly watch the game, I watch the play of light highlight the smattering of hair across Noah's chest."
If you love the slow-recovery-from-abuse-with-endlessly-patient-supportive-loving-partner theme then dig in.
July 21, 2020
Re-read nr. 374646474, lost count.
--------
One of my favorites.
My go to read when I want hurt/comfort.
Avery has had a very tough childhood. He was hit by his mom and stepdad and left at a firehouse when he was 7 years old. His life in foster care should have been better, but it wasn’t. He and his best friend Joey were being beaten up daily by an older kid. It was so severe that Joey killed himself.
Avery, now 22 years old, is covered in scars, inside and out. He is afraid of his own shadow and he has trouble functioning on a daily basis. Fortunately he has his ‘brother’ Sam, who took care of him in their last foster family home.
He is scared out of his mind when a very muscular guy tries to talk to him. The guy, Noah, works next to the bookstore Avery works in. But even though Avery is terrified of him, Noah is persistent and slowly becomes his friend. Now Noah hopes it could develop into something more..
I know this book is not for everyone. I can totally see why some would hate this book. Because yes, Avery has the emotional maturity of a 12 year old at times. And it is not helping that his friends treat him like that too. I was rolling my eyes a lot whenever I read another ‘champ’ ‘squirt’ or ‘kid’.
But that being said, I have this incredible soft spot for the shy guys who had a tough life and who need to heal.
And this book concentrated on that part, the healing. It does display Avery’s severe issues, but only for us to get a better understanding of him. It is the overwhelming feeling of positivity and recovery that this book exudes that stayed with me the most. I can’t stand a book with people who are constantly depressed. And that’s one of the beauties that is this book, this is not about depression, it is about healing, about standing on your own two feet and facing the world.
Noah was so patient with Avery, I absolutely adored him.
And the way Avery got a little better with small baby steps, I loved it. The way he ultimately decided he wanted to get better so he could take care of himself instead of being taken care of by others, just wonderful.
This book is obviously not heavy on the sex. But there is a scene in there that was worth the wait. It was unexpected and HOT.
Recommended to people like me, who want to release their inner psychologist every now and then and who love a good healing book.
--------
One of my favorites.
My go to read when I want hurt/comfort.
Avery has had a very tough childhood. He was hit by his mom and stepdad and left at a firehouse when he was 7 years old. His life in foster care should have been better, but it wasn’t. He and his best friend Joey were being beaten up daily by an older kid. It was so severe that Joey killed himself.
Avery, now 22 years old, is covered in scars, inside and out. He is afraid of his own shadow and he has trouble functioning on a daily basis. Fortunately he has his ‘brother’ Sam, who took care of him in their last foster family home.
He is scared out of his mind when a very muscular guy tries to talk to him. The guy, Noah, works next to the bookstore Avery works in. But even though Avery is terrified of him, Noah is persistent and slowly becomes his friend. Now Noah hopes it could develop into something more..
I know this book is not for everyone. I can totally see why some would hate this book. Because yes, Avery has the emotional maturity of a 12 year old at times. And it is not helping that his friends treat him like that too. I was rolling my eyes a lot whenever I read another ‘champ’ ‘squirt’ or ‘kid’.
But that being said, I have this incredible soft spot for the shy guys who had a tough life and who need to heal.
And this book concentrated on that part, the healing. It does display Avery’s severe issues, but only for us to get a better understanding of him. It is the overwhelming feeling of positivity and recovery that this book exudes that stayed with me the most. I can’t stand a book with people who are constantly depressed. And that’s one of the beauties that is this book, this is not about depression, it is about healing, about standing on your own two feet and facing the world.
Noah was so patient with Avery, I absolutely adored him.
And the way Avery got a little better with small baby steps, I loved it. The way he ultimately decided he wanted to get better so he could take care of himself instead of being taken care of by others, just wonderful.
This book is obviously not heavy on the sex. But there is a scene in there that was worth the wait. It was unexpected and HOT.
Recommended to people like me, who want to release their inner psychologist every now and then and who love a good healing book.
October 5, 2015
Um.
Ahhh.
Shit.
There are some problems here. Not gonna lie. How this book has managed to garner a 4.7 star rating out of 800+ reviews is beyond my understanding. The writing is sub-par.
"...and they all want them right now for the lowest possible price or less."
"Seconds later, I'm wildly asleep on the couch."
At 20%, Kira is described as, "tall, slender, and beautiful."
But at 54%:
"...the two big men follow in the small wake left by petite Kira and the even shorter me."
"Kelly Clarkson's "Stronger (What Doest Kill You)" pounds from Kaleb's impressive sound system and I catch myself applying to lyrics to my life. While the song's "you" is, presumably, the singer's ex-boyfriend..."
Uhhh, no, the "you" would be the singer.
I lost count of how many times Avery referred to Noah as "Mt. Man-Everest".
For real.
The over-the-top wangst in this book is only topped by the unbearably saccharine prose.
"I know he understands and I feel my love for him explode."
"I'm so completely saturated with love and happiness."
No, those two sentences weren't used in the context of sex. Honestly, they would have had more impact that way.
"When I look back at my life before you, it's mostly just blackness. For a long time I thought I was a parasite on the earth, just waiting for it to kill me when it was done with me. Now I know the true parasite was inside me, killing me from the inside out."
"You could have continued to live in that world of blackness and fear, but you chose not to and you've worked damn hard to heal yourself and grow stronger. It took a lot of courage. You're so strong and so wonderful and I'm the luckiest man on the planet to have you."
These Hallmark-inspired exchanges are starkly contrasted against Avery's constant "woe-is-me" whining and ludicrous PTSD. Yes, he was physically abused as a child and had abandonment issues, but his reactions to the world around him are so vastly overwrought as to seem almost mocking to those in similar situations. This book just went on and on and on with Avery's self-doubt, his wish that he could kill himself, his hatred, his refusal to accept help, and his irrational fear of others (he has friends but all people are bad???). The character didn't make sense, the psychological aspects of the story were terribly done, and the secondary characters all seemed to be enablers of Avery's psychosis.
4.7 stars. I just don't get it.
Oh, and did I mention that Noah sings Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" to Avery while he's crying? I can't remember exactly which time it was because Avery spends about 90% of the book weeping, but yeah, Noah sings...."Beautiful"....while Avery is having a meltdown.
*Sigh*
Ahhh.
Shit.
There are some problems here. Not gonna lie. How this book has managed to garner a 4.7 star rating out of 800+ reviews is beyond my understanding. The writing is sub-par.
"...and they all want them right now for the lowest possible price or less."
"Seconds later, I'm wildly asleep on the couch."
At 20%, Kira is described as, "tall, slender, and beautiful."
But at 54%:
"...the two big men follow in the small wake left by petite Kira and the even shorter me."
"Kelly Clarkson's "Stronger (What Doest Kill You)" pounds from Kaleb's impressive sound system and I catch myself applying to lyrics to my life. While the song's "you" is, presumably, the singer's ex-boyfriend..."
Uhhh, no, the "you" would be the singer.
I lost count of how many times Avery referred to Noah as "Mt. Man-Everest".
For real.
The over-the-top wangst in this book is only topped by the unbearably saccharine prose.
"I know he understands and I feel my love for him explode."
"I'm so completely saturated with love and happiness."
No, those two sentences weren't used in the context of sex. Honestly, they would have had more impact that way.
"When I look back at my life before you, it's mostly just blackness. For a long time I thought I was a parasite on the earth, just waiting for it to kill me when it was done with me. Now I know the true parasite was inside me, killing me from the inside out."
"You could have continued to live in that world of blackness and fear, but you chose not to and you've worked damn hard to heal yourself and grow stronger. It took a lot of courage. You're so strong and so wonderful and I'm the luckiest man on the planet to have you."
These Hallmark-inspired exchanges are starkly contrasted against Avery's constant "woe-is-me" whining and ludicrous PTSD. Yes, he was physically abused as a child and had abandonment issues, but his reactions to the world around him are so vastly overwrought as to seem almost mocking to those in similar situations. This book just went on and on and on with Avery's self-doubt, his wish that he could kill himself, his hatred, his refusal to accept help, and his irrational fear of others (he has friends but all people are bad???). The character didn't make sense, the psychological aspects of the story were terribly done, and the secondary characters all seemed to be enablers of Avery's psychosis.
4.7 stars. I just don't get it.
Oh, and did I mention that Noah sings Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" to Avery while he's crying? I can't remember exactly which time it was because Avery spends about 90% of the book weeping, but yeah, Noah sings...."Beautiful"....while Avery is having a meltdown.
*Sigh*
May 29, 2021
For this read to be about overcoming child abuse and severe bullying, I personally found myself smiling a lot after the first few obligatory, but necessary 'downer' chapters. To me, shortly into the book, Avery just came across as really quirky versus being too damaged to function.
It's absolutely adorable and comical the way that Avery squeaks and runs away from Noah, all while the guy kind of makes him grin inside. Avery sort of reminds me of Tweak from South Park, who's always waaaaaay too hopped up on caffeine.
In addition to Avery and Noah, the book had several characters that I loved. Avery's unofficially-adoptive big brother, Sam, is kind of awesome. And so is Kaleb, another brother-like friend with ab-so-freaking-lutely zero filter on his flirty mouth.
The book also contained a few nuggets of comic gold, as seen in this few examples:
-- Avery's initial thoughts on Noah's persistent attempts at courting: "The man’s like a bad rash or a dandelion -- he just keeps popping up again and again."
-- Sam's girlfriend's thoughts on Noah's baking: “These [cookies] are the most amazing things I’ve ever put in my mouth.” Kira shoots a look at Sam. “No offense, honey.”
My only real criticism is that as everyone spent the entire story walking on egg shells around Avery, afraid to scare him off or freak him out, there really weren't that many exciting twists and turns in the plot.
Well, that and the closing speech at the end, from both Avery and Noah, was sooooo Days of our Lives it wasn't even funny. I mean, who really talks like that? Ummm, soap opera actors do, but no one else. Queue the Fabio book cover and put Avery in a Scarlet O'Hara dress already.
Avery and Noah's relationship progression was a ridiculously slow-burn in the romance department, but it was a nice, entertaining ride. I definitely recommend it at around 4 stars.
December 3, 2016
Oke...deep breath....this hurts....
Avery.....what can I say to do him justice....he is so deeply mistreated i have almost not the ability to put it in words.
Abused, neglected, ignored, hurt.... deeply hurt by his surrounders and living in his personal blackness. He almost only exists.
Living with his brother, not by blood, his only sanctuary. Sam sweet dear Sam he loves Avery very much. He knows exactly how to treat Avery.
Then he sees his Mt. Man-Everest..... Noah. His life will never be the same.
One man with the power of love. With the impossible patient, with the honesty you can't even imagine.
One step forward and five backwards that's how his trust in Noah begins to grow.
What follows is the view of insight of Avery's personal being. Everything what has happen to him. We also meet the very few people around him who loves him unconditional.
It's all very very emotional, sometimes it was just to hard to read. The hurt, the blackness, the fear. Not capable to end it and almost not capable to live it. But with the love from Noah, slowly very slowly he begins to heal, the cracks and scars will never fade but he starts to live and love.
The longing and yearning were all very well put down. Much sweet and emotional scenes.
I never read a story with this amount of hurt and comfort before.
Despite the subject it was a good read.
There is a shorter #2 so.....I'm heading over....
Thank you Susan for the recommendation.
Avery.....what can I say to do him justice....he is so deeply mistreated i have almost not the ability to put it in words.
Abused, neglected, ignored, hurt.... deeply hurt by his surrounders and living in his personal blackness. He almost only exists.
Living with his brother, not by blood, his only sanctuary. Sam sweet dear Sam he loves Avery very much. He knows exactly how to treat Avery.
Then he sees his Mt. Man-Everest..... Noah. His life will never be the same.
One man with the power of love. With the impossible patient, with the honesty you can't even imagine.
One step forward and five backwards that's how his trust in Noah begins to grow.
What follows is the view of insight of Avery's personal being. Everything what has happen to him. We also meet the very few people around him who loves him unconditional.
It's all very very emotional, sometimes it was just to hard to read. The hurt, the blackness, the fear. Not capable to end it and almost not capable to live it. But with the love from Noah, slowly very slowly he begins to heal, the cracks and scars will never fade but he starts to live and love.
The longing and yearning were all very well put down. Much sweet and emotional scenes.
I never read a story with this amount of hurt and comfort before.
Despite the subject it was a good read.
There is a shorter #2 so.....I'm heading over....
Thank you Susan for the recommendation.
September 13, 2023
Book safety, content warnings, and tropes & tags down below.
“Forever and for always, little one. I promise.”
This book definitely isn’t like most ‘normal’ romances, but it was still beautiful, sweet and romantic at times. I saw someone describe this book as detailing Avery’s journey of healing, and that is very accurate. It’s a slow burn in every way. Avery isn’t magically healed by meeting his love interest, and he isn’t completely healed by the end of the book either. He is ready to scale back his therapy appointments, which is huge for him. Avery has suffered a lot of abuse and abandonment in his life, and I feel like this book shows what could be a relatively realistic look at recovery and healing. His depression, anxiety and PTSD isn’t romanticized at all.
It’s another abject failure on my part that I can’t ever measure up to what he wants, what he needs. And it hurts more than I ever could have imagined.
I’m sure this book won’t be for everyone. It can feel a little repetitive. Avery’s improvements happen so slowly that you will barely notice, until one day Noah makes him feel safe instead of afraid. Avery is very emotional, and might spend more time with tears in his eyes than not during the book, honestly. I don’t mind sad boys, even the slightly OTT emotional ones, but I know it’s not for everyone. Especially early one, he is treated a bit like a child by the people in his life. ‘Kiddo’ and ‘buddy’ are common endearments, but it’s scaled back a little as we see Avery take more control over his own healing and trying to get better. Those around him still definitely treat him as a kid brother, but not at the same level as early on. I actually enjoyed this changing dynamic.
“I kiss you because you are the most adorable man under the sun. And because you taste delicious. And because I like it. Do you want me to stop?” I sigh and lean into him, my chin on his chest, still holding his gaze. “No,” I say simply.
Noah however, even if he uses similar endearments sometimes (my favorite is ‘Little one’), treats Avery like a competent adult. He has infinite patience and never gives up on Avery. He doesn’t let him push him away, yet still respect his boundaries. He pushes when it’s necessary, and backs off when needed. He was definitely emotionally mature and uncomplicated, and I think that’s how it needed to be, considering how complicated Avery’s character is.
Try telling the seven-year-old me that the beatings would eventually come less frequently but never stop, because he would never be worthy of that, and see if he wouldn’t rather swing freely from the end of a rope. If only I were convinced I wouldn’t mess it up, I’d do it right now.
The way Avery thought about himself was heartbreaking. Seeing him finally believe the good things as well was kinda beautiful. If you’re looking for spice, this book isn’t it. It deals heavily with fear and body insecurity/low self esteem, and as a result, they take things very slowly. There is one explicit scene, but they don’t go ‘all the way’ on page. I didn’t really mind, as it was clear the characters (Avery, mostly) wasn’t ready by the end of the book.
It won’t be a full five stars for me because it did get a little repetitive, and because we didn’t get an epilogue. That is honestly one if those things that bothers me so much when reading. I want a glimpse into the characters HEA.
Blanket spoiler warning ⬇️
⚠️ Tropes & tags ⚠️
Past trauma
Slow burn
Therapy
Size difference
Strangers to friends
Friends to lovers
Found family
⚠️⚠️ Content warning ⚠️⚠️
Explicit sexual content
Verbal abuse
Physical abuse
PTSD
Anxiety disorder
Medication
Mentions of suicide (side character, in the past)
Suicidal ideation
⚠️⚠️⚠️ Book safety ⚠️⚠️⚠️
Cheating: No
OM drama: No
Third-act breakup: No
POV: 1st person, single POV
Strict roles or versatile: N/A
Finally I’ve had enough. I throw a pillow at Sam, who’s reclining on the other end of the couch. For all that it’s called a “throw’ pillow, it doesn’t sail through the air very majestically.
“Double or nothing, winner takes all,” he dares me. I laugh. “Noah, we haven’t bet anything.” “Don’t distract me with semantics.”
“Forever and for always, little one. I promise.”
This book definitely isn’t like most ‘normal’ romances, but it was still beautiful, sweet and romantic at times. I saw someone describe this book as detailing Avery’s journey of healing, and that is very accurate. It’s a slow burn in every way. Avery isn’t magically healed by meeting his love interest, and he isn’t completely healed by the end of the book either. He is ready to scale back his therapy appointments, which is huge for him. Avery has suffered a lot of abuse and abandonment in his life, and I feel like this book shows what could be a relatively realistic look at recovery and healing. His depression, anxiety and PTSD isn’t romanticized at all.
It’s another abject failure on my part that I can’t ever measure up to what he wants, what he needs. And it hurts more than I ever could have imagined.
I’m sure this book won’t be for everyone. It can feel a little repetitive. Avery’s improvements happen so slowly that you will barely notice, until one day Noah makes him feel safe instead of afraid. Avery is very emotional, and might spend more time with tears in his eyes than not during the book, honestly. I don’t mind sad boys, even the slightly OTT emotional ones, but I know it’s not for everyone. Especially early one, he is treated a bit like a child by the people in his life. ‘Kiddo’ and ‘buddy’ are common endearments, but it’s scaled back a little as we see Avery take more control over his own healing and trying to get better. Those around him still definitely treat him as a kid brother, but not at the same level as early on. I actually enjoyed this changing dynamic.
“I kiss you because you are the most adorable man under the sun. And because you taste delicious. And because I like it. Do you want me to stop?” I sigh and lean into him, my chin on his chest, still holding his gaze. “No,” I say simply.
Noah however, even if he uses similar endearments sometimes (my favorite is ‘Little one’), treats Avery like a competent adult. He has infinite patience and never gives up on Avery. He doesn’t let him push him away, yet still respect his boundaries. He pushes when it’s necessary, and backs off when needed. He was definitely emotionally mature and uncomplicated, and I think that’s how it needed to be, considering how complicated Avery’s character is.
Try telling the seven-year-old me that the beatings would eventually come less frequently but never stop, because he would never be worthy of that, and see if he wouldn’t rather swing freely from the end of a rope. If only I were convinced I wouldn’t mess it up, I’d do it right now.
The way Avery thought about himself was heartbreaking. Seeing him finally believe the good things as well was kinda beautiful. If you’re looking for spice, this book isn’t it. It deals heavily with fear and body insecurity/low self esteem, and as a result, they take things very slowly. There is one explicit scene, but they don’t go ‘all the way’ on page. I didn’t really mind, as it was clear the characters (Avery, mostly) wasn’t ready by the end of the book.
It won’t be a full five stars for me because it did get a little repetitive, and because we didn’t get an epilogue. That is honestly one if those things that bothers me so much when reading. I want a glimpse into the characters HEA.
Blanket spoiler warning ⬇️
⚠️ Tropes & tags ⚠️
Past trauma
Slow burn
Therapy
Size difference
Strangers to friends
Friends to lovers
Found family
⚠️⚠️ Content warning ⚠️⚠️
Explicit sexual content
Verbal abuse
Physical abuse
PTSD
Anxiety disorder
Medication
Mentions of suicide (side character, in the past)
Suicidal ideation
⚠️⚠️⚠️ Book safety ⚠️⚠️⚠️
Cheating: No
OM drama: No
Third-act breakup: No
POV: 1st person, single POV
Strict roles or versatile: N/A
Finally I’ve had enough. I throw a pillow at Sam, who’s reclining on the other end of the couch. For all that it’s called a “throw’ pillow, it doesn’t sail through the air very majestically.
“Double or nothing, winner takes all,” he dares me. I laugh. “Noah, we haven’t bet anything.” “Don’t distract me with semantics.”
July 20, 2013
This is going to be a toughy to review.
There were so many parts I liked and quite a few I loved, but there were also a lot of parts that I felt let this story down.
Avery is a heartbreaking character, his childhood was the stuff of nightmares, sadly shared with so many poor innocent kids. I loved that his recovery was slow, but there's a difference between showing the reader a slow recovery and just stretching the story out. Far too often I felt tired of seemingly reading the same things.
Noah was perfect, maybe a little too perfect, but its a fiction book so I was happy not to see him develop any flaws.
Sam was amazing, in fact his only flaw was he was straight lol. If only every kid that's in a bad place could have had a big brother like him.
But as wonderful as all the characters were, I found myself just a little bored at times. While this book had me in tears, especially in Avery's flashbacks, I also felt a little cut off from the here and now Avery time line.
One of my biggest issues was I never knew why Noah fell so fast for Avery. It was like from the first meeting in the ally, Noah was hooked, but I never understood why.
I had other minor issues, especially with the way the Psychiatrists were portrayed, but they are more my own feelings. There were also minor inconsistencies that kept pulling me out of the story and making me wonder about things, especially Avery's mother. But again that could be down to me just being too nit-picky.
Overall a good idea with a strong start, but it lacked staying power and dwindled into a rather too long read for me.
There were so many parts I liked and quite a few I loved, but there were also a lot of parts that I felt let this story down.
Avery is a heartbreaking character, his childhood was the stuff of nightmares, sadly shared with so many poor innocent kids. I loved that his recovery was slow, but there's a difference between showing the reader a slow recovery and just stretching the story out. Far too often I felt tired of seemingly reading the same things.
Noah was perfect, maybe a little too perfect, but its a fiction book so I was happy not to see him develop any flaws.
Sam was amazing, in fact his only flaw was he was straight lol. If only every kid that's in a bad place could have had a big brother like him.
But as wonderful as all the characters were, I found myself just a little bored at times. While this book had me in tears, especially in Avery's flashbacks, I also felt a little cut off from the here and now Avery time line.
One of my biggest issues was I never knew why Noah fell so fast for Avery. It was like from the first meeting in the ally, Noah was hooked, but I never understood why.
I had other minor issues, especially with the way the Psychiatrists were portrayed, but they are more my own feelings. There were also minor inconsistencies that kept pulling me out of the story and making me wonder about things, especially Avery's mother. But again that could be down to me just being too nit-picky.
Overall a good idea with a strong start, but it lacked staying power and dwindled into a rather too long read for me.
September 25, 2014
A pure diamond!
Stunningly heart breaking story of a truly broken man who had a childhood that is one of the most painful I ever read of, a start in life that no human should ever suffer, and than more horror and torture growing up, until he was an adult.
This is not a story of a broken man who finds love that like magic help him glue his shattered pieces and make him whole. This is a slow, very slow, healing process that is so heart wrenching at times to read but so believable that you feel it in your bones.
It is, just like it says in the blurb, about Avery's true belief that he is not worthy of any kind of love and that he is "an abortion that didn't succeed".
Noah Yates... How I love this man... He is a pure heart, and just what Avery needs, his patience is overwhelming and what finally helps Avery.
This book is for the ones with patience, that can read a book that is 70% struggle to get to the light. If you have it you, you are in for one of the most beautiful love stories you can find!
Stunningly heart breaking story of a truly broken man who had a childhood that is one of the most painful I ever read of, a start in life that no human should ever suffer, and than more horror and torture growing up, until he was an adult.
This is not a story of a broken man who finds love that like magic help him glue his shattered pieces and make him whole. This is a slow, very slow, healing process that is so heart wrenching at times to read but so believable that you feel it in your bones.
It is, just like it says in the blurb, about Avery's true belief that he is not worthy of any kind of love and that he is "an abortion that didn't succeed".
Noah Yates... How I love this man... He is a pure heart, and just what Avery needs, his patience is overwhelming and what finally helps Avery.
This book is for the ones with patience, that can read a book that is 70% struggle to get to the light. If you have it you, you are in for one of the most beautiful love stories you can find!
July 31, 2014
Avery is 23 and has been abused most of his life - both mentally and physically – and reading about the torments he's gone through is agonizing. He's so broken... His only anchor is his older foster brother Sam.
Then he meets Noah and fears him immediately. He's large and physically powerful—and undeniably capable of hurting Avery. But no matter how many times he tries to push him away, Noah never goes far...
Avery's progress is so very, very slow going – just one foot in front of the other, and sometimes two steps back. Every flashback makes your heart ache for Avery, every step in the right direction makes you smile. And all the time you are in Avery's head and fear with him. I loved Noah, I don't think anyone else could have been as patient and understanding.
Overall, Out of the Blackness is a briiliant written story of love, acceptance and strength, it's not always easy to read but a true gem to those who love hurt-comfort stories.
July 14, 2013
A sadly boring angst-fest with strangely icky undertones. Sorry to be harsh but Avery was so small, frail and frightened I expected him to whip out his blanky and start sucking his thumb at any moment. That being the case, how could a viable romantic vibe even of the mildest sort be realistically established (or even desired, god forbid) between him and any other adult male character? Whatever his chronological age is purported to be Avery clearly came across as a retarded child. The most disturbing aspect of this work, given its tragic subject matter, is its sheer emotional inauthenticity. There is a fine line between pathos and caricature, in this case we have a caricature.
February 25, 2014
3.65*
I read the blurb, looked at the cover and thought this would be horribly angsty and depressing.
I was in the mood for sad.
Well, I guess it was sad, all that Avery and Sam and Joey experienced. Even Tommy, might have even a victim of his circumstances to some extent. But it didn't really touch me, make me feel as much as I thought it would.
Maybe it was too much self flagellation or Avery having a lot of breakdowns, I'm not sure what kept me from really feeling.
I still loved watching Avery make his way out of Blackness and finally see himself for who he really is, and not what was beaten in to him from an early age.
Avery has his best friend and foster brother Sam.
Sam has been his anchor for years, his caretaker, his touchstone.
“It’s okay. I won’t let anything hurt you.” I nod against his chest even though I don’t really believe it. I know he’ll try and I am incredibly thankful to him for it; but I also know I shouldn’t have been born and the world has been trying to fix that situation since that very moment. It will win in time—when I’ve hurt enough, when it has punished me enough—no matter how much Sam tries to protect me.”
After another horrible incident Sam gets Avery to finally commit to therapy. And about the same time Noah enters Avery's life.
Noah, well I would have loved to get to get a little of his POV, what attracts him to Avery? What keeps him so determined and patient?
Even Avery wants to know.
Avery is fearful, has NO self worth and he doesn't feel like he deserves anything good in his life.
It's like he's just waiting for the next blow to come his way.
“Aside from Sam, the woodwork is my best friend. I try to blend in with it as much as possible. If no one notices me, I’m less likely to take a fist to the face or a boot to the ribs.”
Even Sam, who is his world and has never given him a reason to doubt him, Avery still doesn't really believe he wants him for the long haul.
“Trust. What a lie that word is.”
But Noah is not going to give up, he doesn't push, but he does make sure Avery knows he's there, he makes a point to always be in his vicinity.
“Still, there is something about him that makes me want to step outside the fear box.”
“He doesn’t understand that it’s not something inside me that’s broken, it’s me. I’m broken.”
I didn't mind Avery tearing up a lot, a lot. I understand he has all these fears and this awful voice in his head beating him down all the time. It wasn't enough that the people in his life beat him, he's continuing it on his own, by believing the crap they filled his head with.
I did like that although Noah plays a large roll in Avery's healing, it's Avery himself and his therapist doing a lot of the heavy lifting. And I was also glad that although Avery really has suffered unspeakable amounts of abuse, there was no sexual abuse.
“Noah sees good in me, even when I don’t. Noah wants me around, even when I’m desperate to escape my own head. It’s shocking, amazing and something I will never take for granted.”
Noah sort of seems to be too good to be true, and I really am glad Avery found a man like him. Although calling him little one wasn't my cuppa. I know Avery is small and Noah is huge, but you know, he's still a grown man.
I wish I had been more moved by the story than I was, but I think that's more my issue than the books. My main emotions stemmed from how parents, society and child services could fail all these children for years. That made me angry very very angry.
I would also have liked to have some resolution to Avery's family. I wanted him to have something of his father's, at least where he is buried. How are his brothers? Was there any kind of karma for Carl and his mother?
I read the blurb, looked at the cover and thought this would be horribly angsty and depressing.
I was in the mood for sad.
Well, I guess it was sad, all that Avery and Sam and Joey experienced. Even Tommy, might have even a victim of his circumstances to some extent. But it didn't really touch me, make me feel as much as I thought it would.
Maybe it was too much self flagellation or Avery having a lot of breakdowns, I'm not sure what kept me from really feeling.
I still loved watching Avery make his way out of Blackness and finally see himself for who he really is, and not what was beaten in to him from an early age.
Avery has his best friend and foster brother Sam.
Sam has been his anchor for years, his caretaker, his touchstone.
“It’s okay. I won’t let anything hurt you.” I nod against his chest even though I don’t really believe it. I know he’ll try and I am incredibly thankful to him for it; but I also know I shouldn’t have been born and the world has been trying to fix that situation since that very moment. It will win in time—when I’ve hurt enough, when it has punished me enough—no matter how much Sam tries to protect me.”
After another horrible incident Sam gets Avery to finally commit to therapy. And about the same time Noah enters Avery's life.
Noah, well I would have loved to get to get a little of his POV, what attracts him to Avery? What keeps him so determined and patient?
Even Avery wants to know.
Avery is fearful, has NO self worth and he doesn't feel like he deserves anything good in his life.
It's like he's just waiting for the next blow to come his way.
“Aside from Sam, the woodwork is my best friend. I try to blend in with it as much as possible. If no one notices me, I’m less likely to take a fist to the face or a boot to the ribs.”
Even Sam, who is his world and has never given him a reason to doubt him, Avery still doesn't really believe he wants him for the long haul.
“Trust. What a lie that word is.”
But Noah is not going to give up, he doesn't push, but he does make sure Avery knows he's there, he makes a point to always be in his vicinity.
“Still, there is something about him that makes me want to step outside the fear box.”
“He doesn’t understand that it’s not something inside me that’s broken, it’s me. I’m broken.”
I didn't mind Avery tearing up a lot, a lot. I understand he has all these fears and this awful voice in his head beating him down all the time. It wasn't enough that the people in his life beat him, he's continuing it on his own, by believing the crap they filled his head with.
I did like that although Noah plays a large roll in Avery's healing, it's Avery himself and his therapist doing a lot of the heavy lifting. And I was also glad that although Avery really has suffered unspeakable amounts of abuse, there was no sexual abuse.
“Noah sees good in me, even when I don’t. Noah wants me around, even when I’m desperate to escape my own head. It’s shocking, amazing and something I will never take for granted.”
Noah sort of seems to be too good to be true, and I really am glad Avery found a man like him. Although calling him little one wasn't my cuppa. I know Avery is small and Noah is huge, but you know, he's still a grown man.
I wish I had been more moved by the story than I was, but I think that's more my issue than the books. My main emotions stemmed from how parents, society and child services could fail all these children for years. That made me angry very very angry.
I would also have liked to have some resolution to Avery's family. I wanted him to have something of his father's, at least where he is buried. How are his brothers? Was there any kind of karma for Carl and his mother?
March 14, 2016
Are you looking for rainbows, lollipops and unicorns...because...
you're looking in the wrong place.
I don't know that 'Out of the Blackness' was the best book I've ever read, I'm not sure if it was one of the most gripping but it was definitely heartfelt, emotional and thought provoking.
This is the story of what happens when parents fail, when the system fails, when a child is made to endure what many adults would not be able to. It's what happens when Karma, fate, chance whatever higher power you want to believe in steps in to try and balance a wrong.
Avery is that child. Even as a child Avery is smaller than average and this along with the lack of self esteem so efficiently beaten into him by his so called mother, step-father and step-brothers makes him easy prey for older, bigger children to vent their own anger and frustrations on until someone bigger and tougher comes along who says 'no, enough'. That someone is Sam, who becomes Avery's brother of the heart. The one person who makes Avery feel safe, protected, cared for but not loved because Avery believes he's not worthy of love.
All this makes for a very dark and angsty sounding story doesn't it? I agree. Except somehow Carter Quinn manages to infuse this story with a very subtle and slow burning undertone of hope and strength.
For me, Avery represents every child that the system has failed and yet who has managed to keep that core of inner strength and resolve to not let the world beat them down. His struggle to overcome his demons is heartbreaking and at times uplifting as we take the journey with him watching him go from someone who is afraid of the world and sure that he deserves all that life has thrown at him just because he is, to someone who wants and eventually realizes he deserves love.
Stories like 'Out of the Blackness' entertain but they also have the ability to serve as reminders. For me this story is a reminder that there are Avery's out there. Children and adults who are being failed by their families and by the system that should be there to protect them from the abuse but also fails them, this is also a reminder that when the things that shouldn't fail do, we as individuals need to be better, stronger, braver in our efforts to help those who are being failed. We need to become Sams, Kiras, Kalebs, Kyles and sometimes we need to be Noahs.
I've had this book for a while now and because of the subject matter I shied away from reading it. As a mother, I want every child to grow up happy, healthy, loved and safe. As a sane, rational person I know this is not the reality of the world, but I'm not always prepared to read about it even in fiction. However, sometimes it's the end of the story that makes it worth the angst and heartache that you feel for the characters along the way.
At the end of it all whether it was one of the best books I've every read or not is insignificant in comparison to the fact that it was a story that touched me deeply.
you're looking in the wrong place.
I don't know that 'Out of the Blackness' was the best book I've ever read, I'm not sure if it was one of the most gripping but it was definitely heartfelt, emotional and thought provoking.
This is the story of what happens when parents fail, when the system fails, when a child is made to endure what many adults would not be able to. It's what happens when Karma, fate, chance whatever higher power you want to believe in steps in to try and balance a wrong.
Avery is that child. Even as a child Avery is smaller than average and this along with the lack of self esteem so efficiently beaten into him by his so called mother, step-father and step-brothers makes him easy prey for older, bigger children to vent their own anger and frustrations on until someone bigger and tougher comes along who says 'no, enough'. That someone is Sam, who becomes Avery's brother of the heart. The one person who makes Avery feel safe, protected, cared for but not loved because Avery believes he's not worthy of love.
All this makes for a very dark and angsty sounding story doesn't it? I agree. Except somehow Carter Quinn manages to infuse this story with a very subtle and slow burning undertone of hope and strength.
For me, Avery represents every child that the system has failed and yet who has managed to keep that core of inner strength and resolve to not let the world beat them down. His struggle to overcome his demons is heartbreaking and at times uplifting as we take the journey with him watching him go from someone who is afraid of the world and sure that he deserves all that life has thrown at him just because he is, to someone who wants and eventually realizes he deserves love.
Stories like 'Out of the Blackness' entertain but they also have the ability to serve as reminders. For me this story is a reminder that there are Avery's out there. Children and adults who are being failed by their families and by the system that should be there to protect them from the abuse but also fails them, this is also a reminder that when the things that shouldn't fail do, we as individuals need to be better, stronger, braver in our efforts to help those who are being failed. We need to become Sams, Kiras, Kalebs, Kyles and sometimes we need to be Noahs.
I've had this book for a while now and because of the subject matter I shied away from reading it. As a mother, I want every child to grow up happy, healthy, loved and safe. As a sane, rational person I know this is not the reality of the world, but I'm not always prepared to read about it even in fiction. However, sometimes it's the end of the story that makes it worth the angst and heartache that you feel for the characters along the way.
At the end of it all whether it was one of the best books I've every read or not is insignificant in comparison to the fact that it was a story that touched me deeply.
February 19, 2014
DNF. I can't finish this. Even if I could stand this much angst and trauma, I'm deeply uncomfortable with the way Avery is infantilized. Emotionally he is a child, and Sam and Noah act accordingly: ruffling his hair, carrying him around, giving him noogies, calling him "little one," calling him "champ." It goes way beyond hurt/comfort, and it doesn't work as a romance.
August 21, 2022
The MC suffers so much it is so painful.
However I see a spark of hope
However I see a spark of hope
July 12, 2013
I can't say enough how wonderful this book is. The story, the characters and the writing were all so beautifully created.
Avery is so broken when we first meet him but, even then, there is just something about him that is fighting to survive, that screams hope. He's endearing and sweet and funny and I just wanted to wrap him up and hug him and keep him safe. His journey out of the blackness was painful at times, but it was also an absolute joy. And Noah. Noah is the epitome of patience and understanding. He had his eye on the prize and the prize for him was Avery's love. Win!
All of the characters, both main and secondary, were layered and believable and full of personality. There were no miraculous fixes or cardboard cutout characters. There were no over the top perfect heroes or tortured heroes, either. What there was is a realistic approach to how quickly someone broken by a lifetime of abuse is going to heal and complex and diverse characters that felt like they were people you might know in real life.
The cover is amazing and fits the story perfectly. Its significance and just how beautiful it is, not only in composition, but also in meaning, and how it relates to Avery becomes apparent as Avery's story unfolds.
I totally fell in love with both Avery and Noah, but Avery is truly special and will be one character that will always own a little piece of my heart. This book; So much.
Avery is so broken when we first meet him but, even then, there is just something about him that is fighting to survive, that screams hope. He's endearing and sweet and funny and I just wanted to wrap him up and hug him and keep him safe. His journey out of the blackness was painful at times, but it was also an absolute joy. And Noah. Noah is the epitome of patience and understanding. He had his eye on the prize and the prize for him was Avery's love. Win!
All of the characters, both main and secondary, were layered and believable and full of personality. There were no miraculous fixes or cardboard cutout characters. There were no over the top perfect heroes or tortured heroes, either. What there was is a realistic approach to how quickly someone broken by a lifetime of abuse is going to heal and complex and diverse characters that felt like they were people you might know in real life.
The cover is amazing and fits the story perfectly. Its significance and just how beautiful it is, not only in composition, but also in meaning, and how it relates to Avery becomes apparent as Avery's story unfolds.
I totally fell in love with both Avery and Noah, but Avery is truly special and will be one character that will always own a little piece of my heart. This book; So much.
August 5, 2015
I couldn't understand what it was that drew Noah to Avery in the first place BUT I'm so glad he WAS drawn to him, and was prepared to accept Aves just as he was...flaws, scars, nightmares, warts and all. No-one is perfect...absolutely no-one, and for Aves to (finally, *doh*) realise that he WAS worth loving and respecting was amazing. Sam, what an awesome person to have as your brother, Kira and the other two K's, great secondary characters, and I'm sooo looking forward to the sequel 'Into the Light', which comes out in June, and is told from Noah's POV. I can guarantee THAT won't be on my kindle for 18 months before it's read!! Superb. 5 stars.
November 26, 2013
I found this to be a wonderfully gripping tale about a young guy who is finally learning to overcome the horrific abuse he suffered throughout his life. Poor Avery just cannot seem to get rid of the nightmares and fear no matter how hard he tries. Thankfully, one of the very few people he trusts in life, his foster brother, Sam, helps push him in the right direction while being a comfort and protector whenever he can. Sam's girlfriend, Kira, as well as her twin brothers, round out the supportive family of friends who take care of Avery now.
I was pulled into this story from the first page. I absolutly love when a story makes me feel and pulls my emotions like a yo yo. This one completely fit that bill. Avery has such an awful outlook and self image, though not unbelievable given how he was treated by those who should have loved him. When he actually meets Noah, he is still not in a good place where he can actually look anyone in the eye or even have a conversation. He is like a scared rabbit, ready to bolt at every turn.
Noah is amazing. He seems to know from the get go exactly what Avery needs and how far he can go or not go to keep Avery from running. He is unbelievably patient and caring, seeing that there is something special in Avery and wanting to do whatever he has to in order to experience that. Watching the trust grow between them was a real treat.
This was very well written, captivating and engaging, sad but sweet, with some amazingly touching scenes. Noah's inscribed gift and the refrigerator scene come to mind. I was enthralled by it, and gobbled up every detail feeling as though I could get through the horrible abuse details if Avery could get through experiencing them. As bad as things were for him, there is much happiness to be seen as he overcomes each demon and finds his way out of the blackness in the closet.
February 20, 2014
I truly loved the very slow progression of Avery's recovery, and relationship with Noah. I liked that he spoke to a professional therapist at the same time. I felt that his negative self-talk and issues were believable, and consistent, and it was really sweet to see Sam and Noah with him.
This is one of the better recovery-from-physical-abuse-to-love books out there. There is no healing-by-sex, the abused character doesn't have to bottom to prove he's over it all, and there are real efforts made and a few setbacks. The only thing that kept it from being 5 stars for me was that the people in Avery's life were so black-and-white. His abusers were all horrible, his friends endless in their love and patience. I kept waiting for the messy parts of real life to happen. At the same time, I did love those guys and wish every traumatized guy had a Sam, and a Noah. Very slow, very sweet, and well written.
This is one of the better recovery-from-physical-abuse-to-love books out there. There is no healing-by-sex, the abused character doesn't have to bottom to prove he's over it all, and there are real efforts made and a few setbacks. The only thing that kept it from being 5 stars for me was that the people in Avery's life were so black-and-white. His abusers were all horrible, his friends endless in their love and patience. I kept waiting for the messy parts of real life to happen. At the same time, I did love those guys and wish every traumatized guy had a Sam, and a Noah. Very slow, very sweet, and well written.
November 27, 2013
Where to begin!! How about.. 5 Stars hands down. Great writing, great flow, and realistic and fantastic POV.
I don't discuss details in my reviews b/c of possible spoilers but I may need to break rule a bit here. You have been warned :D
Avery.... What a traumatized innocent sweet broken soul! His POV is what did me in this book. So much of his internal struggles were so real for me.
Noah.... PATIENCE OF A SAINT! What I love about Noah's character is that Avery constantly doubts why Noah would like him, why Noah would be interested in him, why he would be attracted to him.. But Noah stands by him b/c Noah sees something amazing in Avery that Avery does not see....And isn't that the whole point of this book. Avery has no self esteem (for obvious reasons) and his POV reinforces why he has these feelings. Avery's recovery, his journey to self love was the important part of this story. Not the reasons why Noah found him attractive. Beauty in the eye of the beholder.
The therapy. Solid and realistic and you can tell the author spent the time on research in this area.
Sam...... *sighs* Best Big Brother ever! Nuff said.
Lastly, I really appreciated the specific type of abuse in this story was physical and emotional child abuse. Not sexual abuse. I find the former type lacking in m/m books. Most abuse I read is sexual abuse and that is not a complaint at all but sometimes there is horrific child abuse w/o sexual abuse and I thank the author for writing about this specific type.
Well done. ..... "So much" ;)
I don't discuss details in my reviews b/c of possible spoilers but I may need to break rule a bit here. You have been warned :D
Avery.... What a traumatized innocent sweet broken soul! His POV is what did me in this book. So much of his internal struggles were so real for me.
Noah.... PATIENCE OF A SAINT! What I love about Noah's character is that Avery constantly doubts why Noah would like him, why Noah would be interested in him, why he would be attracted to him.. But Noah stands by him b/c Noah sees something amazing in Avery that Avery does not see....And isn't that the whole point of this book. Avery has no self esteem (for obvious reasons) and his POV reinforces why he has these feelings. Avery's recovery, his journey to self love was the important part of this story. Not the reasons why Noah found him attractive. Beauty in the eye of the beholder.
The therapy. Solid and realistic and you can tell the author spent the time on research in this area.
Sam...... *sighs* Best Big Brother ever! Nuff said.
Lastly, I really appreciated the specific type of abuse in this story was physical and emotional child abuse. Not sexual abuse. I find the former type lacking in m/m books. Most abuse I read is sexual abuse and that is not a complaint at all but sometimes there is horrific child abuse w/o sexual abuse and I thank the author for writing about this specific type.
Well done. ..... "So much" ;)
December 27, 2024
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ - AMAZING, AMAZING, AMAZING, AMAZING ... OH, AND A LITTLE MORE 'AMAZING'!! INFINITE STARS!! - ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️!!! What a spellbinding, captivating, evocative, mesmerizing, awe-inspiring, heartwarming, soul-shaking, MAGNIFICENT book!!! Love love LOVE ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️!!!!!! I'll write more words later because this book deserves it but in the meantime, I am rushing off to book #2!!!
***
It looks like the 40% mark is becoming the magic point where I 5-star a book before having reached the ending (though I knew way beforehand that this would get at least a 4.5 and leaning toward 5). Yet another FANTASTIC book I just can't wait to 5-star ... so I'm not waiting <333!!!
***
Just purchased this :-)!! REAAALLLLLY intrigued by this one. I plan on NOT waiting a ridiculous amount of time to get to it.
***
It looks like the 40% mark is becoming the magic point where I 5-star a book before having reached the ending (though I knew way beforehand that this would get at least a 4.5 and leaning toward 5). Yet another FANTASTIC book I just can't wait to 5-star ... so I'm not waiting <333!!!
***
Just purchased this :-)!! REAAALLLLLY intrigued by this one. I plan on NOT waiting a ridiculous amount of time to get to it.
July 18, 2015
This book broke my heart and tore my heart to little pieces! I couldn't put it down.
Highly recommended!
Highly recommended!
July 30, 2013
Perhaps my moods have been darker of late, but my choice of novels to review seem to have become darker in nature. Out of the Blackness, by Carter Quinn, while it does end on a positive note, fall under that category.
This is the first time that I have read anything by Carter Quinn, but the buzz around Goodreads had been so positive about this novel that I gave it a chance. And boy am I glad that I did!
Basic Plot:
Avery has a history of personal abuse, one that has left him in a constant state of fear and anxiety. The only person in his life that he trusts is Sam, his brother who tries to help Avery heal. In the mix comes, Noah, the large, muscular someone who Avery fears yet finds attractive. Can Avery heal enough to be strong enough to take this chance at love?
Avery:
We see this story through the eyes of Avery. So that means all actions and motivations of the other characters are shaded by Avery’s perspective. In this case, it built tension, because most of the conflicts within this novel are internal and relationship based. However, as we see in the quote below, we can not fully trust Avery’s vision:
And with that quote, we get to the heart of the book and the heart of the problem. Avery doesn’t believe in his self-worth or that he is good enough for Noah, or really any happiness. When I spoke of a darkness of tone, are just a few topics. But what we have to understand is that this novel takes these grim plot points and turns them into rays of hope.
Noah:
Our first introduction to Noah is a vision of manliness and vigor:
So while we see Noah from Avery’s eyes, he is so much more. Noah sees Avery’s true self, under all of that fear and social anxiety, and he is willing to wait patiently until Avery is strong enough to accept the relationship and the chance of a future.
Strong Points:
The first strength within this novel is Quinn’s knowledge of the psychology of abuse and certain disorders. We see this in his descriptions of Avery’s thought processes, his panic attacks, and his dialogues with his therapist. From other authors I have seen these things written as half-assed over-the-top versions. But within Out of the Blackness, we get the drama, but not the over-drama. I felt his pain, I could understand what he felt and how he felt, because to some degree, I have been where he was. It is a powerful writer who can make us feel these things, who makes us believe in the characters and their motivations.
The second strong point is of the supporting characters. This book is packed with scenes between Avery and his brother, his therapist, and his coworkers. We come to know quite a bit about them and we learn to appreciate their involvement in Avery’s life.
What could be better?
I would have changed very little within this book. However, I do want to warn those who look for action-packed scenes. There really is no “bad guy” who chases them, but rather these are internal conflicts. So, if you want gun fights and dramatic saves, this might not be not novel for you.
Conclusions:
I was in the mood for some thought-provoking reading when I found this novel. From the beginning of Out of the Blackness, I found a well written, emotionally complex read that kept me interested and engaged until the end. I reserve 5-star rating for those books that I can emotionally connect to and whose characters remain with me long after I have closed the book. I got exactly what I wanted from Out of the Blackness: a good read.
This is the first time that I have read anything by Carter Quinn, but the buzz around Goodreads had been so positive about this novel that I gave it a chance. And boy am I glad that I did!
Basic Plot:
Avery has a history of personal abuse, one that has left him in a constant state of fear and anxiety. The only person in his life that he trusts is Sam, his brother who tries to help Avery heal. In the mix comes, Noah, the large, muscular someone who Avery fears yet finds attractive. Can Avery heal enough to be strong enough to take this chance at love?
Avery:
We see this story through the eyes of Avery. So that means all actions and motivations of the other characters are shaded by Avery’s perspective. In this case, it built tension, because most of the conflicts within this novel are internal and relationship based. However, as we see in the quote below, we can not fully trust Avery’s vision:
I’m not fated to be some character in a gay romance novel-like love story. As much as that hurts– because wouldn’t that really be nice?– I know I’m much more like the Beagle dogs laboratories keep in kennels for testing purposes. My purpose is much more to be used and abused for someone else’s enjoyment than my own.”
And with that quote, we get to the heart of the book and the heart of the problem. Avery doesn’t believe in his self-worth or that he is good enough for Noah, or really any happiness. When I spoke of a darkness of tone, are just a few topics. But what we have to understand is that this novel takes these grim plot points and turns them into rays of hope.
Noah:
Our first introduction to Noah is a vision of manliness and vigor:
He is so…huge. His presence, his personality, his physical body are all out of proportion to me. I’m the small guy who fades into the background, the one who hopes no one notices him. Noah is the big, beautiful man who draws everyone’s eyes like an irresistible magnet. He doesn’t mind being the center of attention. In fact, I suspect he rather likes it. He handles the spotlight and people well, even me. He’s insanely charming, ridiculously good looking and undeniably sexy. In short, he’s way out of my league, even if I wanted to play, which I don’t.
So while we see Noah from Avery’s eyes, he is so much more. Noah sees Avery’s true self, under all of that fear and social anxiety, and he is willing to wait patiently until Avery is strong enough to accept the relationship and the chance of a future.
Strong Points:
The first strength within this novel is Quinn’s knowledge of the psychology of abuse and certain disorders. We see this in his descriptions of Avery’s thought processes, his panic attacks, and his dialogues with his therapist. From other authors I have seen these things written as half-assed over-the-top versions. But within Out of the Blackness, we get the drama, but not the over-drama. I felt his pain, I could understand what he felt and how he felt, because to some degree, I have been where he was. It is a powerful writer who can make us feel these things, who makes us believe in the characters and their motivations.
The second strong point is of the supporting characters. This book is packed with scenes between Avery and his brother, his therapist, and his coworkers. We come to know quite a bit about them and we learn to appreciate their involvement in Avery’s life.
What could be better?
I would have changed very little within this book. However, I do want to warn those who look for action-packed scenes. There really is no “bad guy” who chases them, but rather these are internal conflicts. So, if you want gun fights and dramatic saves, this might not be not novel for you.
Conclusions:
I was in the mood for some thought-provoking reading when I found this novel. From the beginning of Out of the Blackness, I found a well written, emotionally complex read that kept me interested and engaged until the end. I reserve 5-star rating for those books that I can emotionally connect to and whose characters remain with me long after I have closed the book. I got exactly what I wanted from Out of the Blackness: a good read.
February 8, 2017
I enjoyed reading this book just as much the second time around, as I did the first. I'm looking forward to digging into book 2 in a couple days :-)
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Original review from January 4, 2014:
I could feel my heart breaking as I read the opening scene. That anyone should go through what Avery went through growing up - and we don't even know specifically what that was yet, but just the horrific and long lingering after effects - makes me want to cry. I am glad he has Sam here to help keep him grounded.
The story is told from Avery's POV. Avery is young man that spent much of his childhood being horribly abused, both physically and mentally. He believes every bad thing his abusers ever said about him -- that he should never been born, that he's worthless, that he doesn't deserve to be loved. And though he has survived it, he feels it is only a matter of time before the universe punishes his existence in a permanent manor. Sam is the only person he really trusts and though he knows Sam cares about him, he doesn't feel that it is even possible for anyone to love him. Avery has a very small circle of friends and doesn't like to let people get close to him.
In comes Noah. Noah is physically tall and broad -- everything that terrifies Avery. And though he really tries not to, Avery cannot help being attracted to Noah. Noah seems to instinctively know how to approach Avery. He exercises an amazing amount of patience and seems to really want to get to know Avery better. In fact, he seems a little too good to be true.
I really thought a lot about the characters in this book and noticed that all of Avery's small circle of friends also seem pretty flawless. That didn't make sense to me until I thought again about whose POV the story is being told from. Avery sees himself as deeply flawed and unworthy, but those in his circle as being perfect (unlike him), so that's how we see them. We never really know what attracted Noah to Avery because Avery himself doesn't understand it.
It is absolutely beautiful watching Avery grow stronger and realize that he is not only worthy of love (both to give it and receive it), but that he is loved. A very worthwhile read.
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Original review from January 4, 2014:
I could feel my heart breaking as I read the opening scene. That anyone should go through what Avery went through growing up - and we don't even know specifically what that was yet, but just the horrific and long lingering after effects - makes me want to cry. I am glad he has Sam here to help keep him grounded.
The story is told from Avery's POV. Avery is young man that spent much of his childhood being horribly abused, both physically and mentally. He believes every bad thing his abusers ever said about him -- that he should never been born, that he's worthless, that he doesn't deserve to be loved. And though he has survived it, he feels it is only a matter of time before the universe punishes his existence in a permanent manor. Sam is the only person he really trusts and though he knows Sam cares about him, he doesn't feel that it is even possible for anyone to love him. Avery has a very small circle of friends and doesn't like to let people get close to him.
In comes Noah. Noah is physically tall and broad -- everything that terrifies Avery. And though he really tries not to, Avery cannot help being attracted to Noah. Noah seems to instinctively know how to approach Avery. He exercises an amazing amount of patience and seems to really want to get to know Avery better. In fact, he seems a little too good to be true.
I really thought a lot about the characters in this book and noticed that all of Avery's small circle of friends also seem pretty flawless. That didn't make sense to me until I thought again about whose POV the story is being told from. Avery sees himself as deeply flawed and unworthy, but those in his circle as being perfect (unlike him), so that's how we see them. We never really know what attracted Noah to Avery because Avery himself doesn't understand it.
It is absolutely beautiful watching Avery grow stronger and realize that he is not only worthy of love (both to give it and receive it), but that he is loved. A very worthwhile read.
February 4, 2014
This one is a tough one to review. On the one hand, I was totally engrossed in Avery's story. It's just so heartbreaking, and I love stories about people who are so broken, and watching them heal and learn that they are worthy of love.
But I had some issues. Avery just came off SO young, and I understood it, with his history, but it did get a bit odd at times. He was always freaking out and crying, and everyone treated him like a child, not like a 22 year old man.
And then there was Noah. Noah was perfect. Too perfect. Because the entire story is told from Avery's POV, we never get into Noah's head at all. I didn't get why he fell for Avery so fast, and I never knew how he always knew just how to act around Avery. I don't know how much of his story he knew before Avery told him near the very end of the book. Did Sam, Kira and her brothers tell him about Avery? Did he have some sort of past history with someone else so damaged? Heck, I'm not even sure how old Noah was, he remained pretty much just as much of a mystery to me by the end of the story as he was when Avery first met him in that alley.
I also kept waiting on something more to happen, be it some grand misunderstanding or old family showing up, or someone else trying to hurt Avery (not that I WANTED this, I just expected something to happen), but the story stayed true to being nothing more than Avery working his issues and learning to trust and love Noah.
This book SHOULD have been something that had me eating it up with a spoon, and it could have been, if only we had gotten the tiniest glimpse into Noah's head, who he really was, what he thought, and just what he saw in a boy as damaged and messed up as Avery was. While the reader is inside Avery's head, and knows that he is a very sweet, loving young man deserving of love, I just can't see what someone on the outside would have to fall for.
But I had some issues. Avery just came off SO young, and I understood it, with his history, but it did get a bit odd at times. He was always freaking out and crying, and everyone treated him like a child, not like a 22 year old man.
And then there was Noah. Noah was perfect. Too perfect. Because the entire story is told from Avery's POV, we never get into Noah's head at all. I didn't get why he fell for Avery so fast, and I never knew how he always knew just how to act around Avery. I don't know how much of his story he knew before Avery told him near the very end of the book. Did Sam, Kira and her brothers tell him about Avery? Did he have some sort of past history with someone else so damaged? Heck, I'm not even sure how old Noah was, he remained pretty much just as much of a mystery to me by the end of the story as he was when Avery first met him in that alley.
I also kept waiting on something more to happen, be it some grand misunderstanding or old family showing up, or someone else trying to hurt Avery (not that I WANTED this, I just expected something to happen), but the story stayed true to being nothing more than Avery working his issues and learning to trust and love Noah.
This book SHOULD have been something that had me eating it up with a spoon, and it could have been, if only we had gotten the tiniest glimpse into Noah's head, who he really was, what he thought, and just what he saw in a boy as damaged and messed up as Avery was. While the reader is inside Avery's head, and knows that he is a very sweet, loving young man deserving of love, I just can't see what someone on the outside would have to fall for.
September 9, 2014
Avery Tucker suffers from PTSD, a result of a horrendous, traumatic childhood. It has left him with paralyzing difficulty when interacting with society.
Avery is able to function on certain levels because of Sam, his brother. After Sam left the foster home that he and Avery shared, Sam came back for Avery. Sam has loved, protected Avery since they were very young. He feels safe with Sam, but his world is in a tailspin when Sam's romantic life takes off. If this isn't enough for Avery, he becomes the object of desire by young man named Noah Yates. No matter where he turns, Noah is there. Noah is bigger and stronger than Avery, which plays into his past trauma. But Noah is also, exceptionally kind, gentle and sweet toward Avery. He's everything that Avery needs, if only he could work through his past.
The budding romance between Avery and Noah is so beautiful. This story at times overwhelmed me as much as it did Avery. Sometimes sad and painful, other times there is so much love that I was swept away. You will need some tissues, because yes, you will cry.
I am thrilled that I discovered this book. I hope others will join in Avery's journey. I give it a millions stars and the closet to hold them.
This book still echos in my mind, so much so that my two new adopted rats are Noah and Avery. Read this book, now!
Avery is able to function on certain levels because of Sam, his brother. After Sam left the foster home that he and Avery shared, Sam came back for Avery. Sam has loved, protected Avery since they were very young. He feels safe with Sam, but his world is in a tailspin when Sam's romantic life takes off. If this isn't enough for Avery, he becomes the object of desire by young man named Noah Yates. No matter where he turns, Noah is there. Noah is bigger and stronger than Avery, which plays into his past trauma. But Noah is also, exceptionally kind, gentle and sweet toward Avery. He's everything that Avery needs, if only he could work through his past.
The budding romance between Avery and Noah is so beautiful. This story at times overwhelmed me as much as it did Avery. Sometimes sad and painful, other times there is so much love that I was swept away. You will need some tissues, because yes, you will cry.
I am thrilled that I discovered this book. I hope others will join in Avery's journey. I give it a millions stars and the closet to hold them.
This book still echos in my mind, so much so that my two new adopted rats are Noah and Avery. Read this book, now!
October 24, 2013
I’m not sure how I feel about this story. Avery had a horrible life from the time he was a little boy. Unwanted by his mother, beaten by his step father, abandoned and sent to foster care just to become another kid’s punching bag has left him with no self-worth. His foster brother Sam does everything he can to help Avery and keeps him from the darkness he’d prefer to hide in. Through therapy Avery deals with a lot of his demons. Avery meets Noah who works at the store next to his and you see a slow timid friendship begin.
I felt like the author did a good job dealing with the abuse through therapy. Hearing Avery’s story is heartbreaking but I had trouble finding Noah’s affection believable or understanding where his strong commitment came from.
The story is told through Avery’s POV and we experience how he feels about Noah but it took half the book before Avery was comfortable looking Noah in the eye much less having many conversations with him. I think if we would have seen part of the relationship from Noah's POV I would have found it more believable instead of just seeing how Avery feels about having a relationship. It felt like the actual relationship was missing.
I felt like the author did a good job dealing with the abuse through therapy. Hearing Avery’s story is heartbreaking but I had trouble finding Noah’s affection believable or understanding where his strong commitment came from.
The story is told through Avery’s POV and we experience how he feels about Noah but it took half the book before Avery was comfortable looking Noah in the eye much less having many conversations with him. I think if we would have seen part of the relationship from Noah's POV I would have found it more believable instead of just seeing how Avery feels about having a relationship. It felt like the actual relationship was missing.
February 12, 2014
Wow , that was one of the best mm love stories I have ever read ! Although the first half was a bit slow and extremely detailed to my liking , the other half completely blew me away !!! Absolutely beautiful . I dare to say that the fact that it's a male author makes it much more authentic and real . And that is a bonus to me .
May 4, 2017
What I enjoyed most about this book was the writing. It was actually the writing that had me pushing through and finishing this book. Other than that, this was a tough read for me. Over 300 pages of hurt/healing outweighing the comfort. It was just too much for me.
May 29, 2025
. ۫ ꣑ৎ 4 stars
I mainly skim read this sometime last year; but I’m so glad that I decided to reread it and fully take my time with it. This is definitely a comfort read for me now. I felt so incredibly seen in Avery’s character. This book does a very good job at representing trauma and ptsd without it feeling brushed over or unimportant.
I absolutely loved the lead up to Avery and Noah’s relationship and bond. It didn’t feel rushed at all and felt really organic. They reminded me so much of the song ’Invisible String’ by Taylor Swift 🤧. And in terms of their dynamic together, they heavily reminded me of Johnny and Shannon from the Boys of Tommen series by Chloe Walsh and Nick and Charlie from the Heartstopper series by Alice Oseman. There’s literally a part where one of them says ‘for keeps’ and I almost combusted and started sobbing. I’m so beyond attached to Shannon and Johnny from Binding and Keeping 13. Avery and Noah were so adorable and made me so emotional at their soft moments.
I really enjoyed this one and would definitely recommend it. While some of the writing I didn’t love, I still really liked this story overall 🤍.
Favorite Quotes:
“You always know, don’t you?” He smiles and kisses me lightly. “It’s my job to know.”
“S-s-so bu-beautiful,” he whispers through his tremors.
“No more running, baby,” he whispers against my lips before claiming them in a needy kiss.”
“It’s still a win for me,” he whispers back and I know he’s not talking about racing anymore.”
“Noah genuinely cares for and will protect me. And that last thought is my undoing.”
“you’re a beautiful soul. When I’m with you, I can’t get enough of you. When we’re apart, you’re all I think about. I can’t get you out of my head. And, honestly, I don’t want to.”
“The way he looks at me, it’s like I’m the only one in his world, the only one who matters to him.”
I mainly skim read this sometime last year; but I’m so glad that I decided to reread it and fully take my time with it. This is definitely a comfort read for me now. I felt so incredibly seen in Avery’s character. This book does a very good job at representing trauma and ptsd without it feeling brushed over or unimportant.
I absolutely loved the lead up to Avery and Noah’s relationship and bond. It didn’t feel rushed at all and felt really organic. They reminded me so much of the song ’Invisible String’ by Taylor Swift 🤧. And in terms of their dynamic together, they heavily reminded me of Johnny and Shannon from the Boys of Tommen series by Chloe Walsh and Nick and Charlie from the Heartstopper series by Alice Oseman. There’s literally a part where one of them says ‘for keeps’ and I almost combusted and started sobbing. I’m so beyond attached to Shannon and Johnny from Binding and Keeping 13. Avery and Noah were so adorable and made me so emotional at their soft moments.
I really enjoyed this one and would definitely recommend it. While some of the writing I didn’t love, I still really liked this story overall 🤍.
Favorite Quotes:
“You always know, don’t you?” He smiles and kisses me lightly. “It’s my job to know.”
“S-s-so bu-beautiful,” he whispers through his tremors.
“No more running, baby,” he whispers against my lips before claiming them in a needy kiss.”
“It’s still a win for me,” he whispers back and I know he’s not talking about racing anymore.”
“Noah genuinely cares for and will protect me. And that last thought is my undoing.”
“you’re a beautiful soul. When I’m with you, I can’t get enough of you. When we’re apart, you’re all I think about. I can’t get you out of my head. And, honestly, I don’t want to.”
“The way he looks at me, it’s like I’m the only one in his world, the only one who matters to him.”
November 20, 2018
Once in a while, a book comes along that just sweep you off your feet and makes you wish that it never ends... 💜
♡✿I LOVED IT✿♡
This was a lot like Adrienne Wilder's In The Absence of Light or Nicky James's Love Me Whole.
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