Get the Guy: How to Be the Kind of Woman the Kind of Man You Want to Marry Would Want to Marry, Christian Dating Book, Godly Femininity Books

by Douglas Wilson

“Where are all the guys? Where did they all go? If you and your friends are anything like the other young Christian women I know, your chief complaint has to do with the paucity of guys. And then, when you are looking at the handful of guys who do hang around in your church community, you think to yourself, as the saying goes, 'The odds may be good, but the goods are odd.' Heterosexual relationships are always cross-cultural, bilingual situations. You come from different worlds. He's a guy. They do things differently over there.” ~ from the book Douglas Wilson offers the simple, direct advice he's been giving young women for decades on how to notice and attract the right kind of man. You shouldn't feel ashamed about wanting a guy who is strong and capable of leading you. In fact, you should want someone who has the backbone to lovingly take charge even when you don't want to be led. Beyond that, it's best not to overcomplicate things. Guard your heart, keep your imagination under control ("I always thought I would marry someone who..."), and trust that God will take care of everything else.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Spirituality, Family

160 pages, Paperback

Published August 2, 2023

About the author

I write in order to make the little voices in my head go away. Thus far it hasn't worked.

Reviews

[Jenni Harper · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful! Practical advice given from Scripture and gently blunt in every facet of dating. Doug pretty much hits every topic for all single women to consider. This could even be a book to refer back to as a married woman.

[Caleb M. Powers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good.

[marthaj7 · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5.
this was quite good and helpful.
perhaps it was because i read it all in one day but i feel like i need to read/listen to it again to actually absorb it, so my rating may change lol.

[Eric Durso · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read with my oldest daughter. Super helpful.

[Danielle Bullen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was curious about this one, after seeing a quote from it, and it lived up to my expectations.

As with much of Doug Wilson's writing and speaking, I agreed with much of what he has to say (in this case even most) but frequently not the way he says it. In this book, that was especially true in the first few chapters, or 'letters'. It seemed unnecessarily crass in a few places, especially for a book written to young Christian women.

There was one part in particular that I thought was unnecessary and inappropriate, relating to sex and men in there, that surprised me and I would have probably referred this book to young women without. With, I am uncertain. It would depend on the young lady.

On the whole, a lot of good things to say. A lot of solid advice. A little bit of eh.

[Rachel Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book I wish I had as a young woman. Our girls will be reading this from a young age no doubt. He takes the principles of scripture and applies them deftly in practical ways that addresses the heart and will equip young women to be the Godly woman and godly man not only needs but wants as well. Reading this as a married woman has helped me learn how to better respect my husband and complement him in the role he had in raising our girls. I am now better equipped to love our girls and raise them in the Lord.

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid book. I read this prior to giving to my 15-year-old daughter. Not much new in terms of our current understanding, but helpful to be reminded of these things. I know many women who would have done well to understand these concepts at a young age, especially the need to destroy the modern myth of "the one."

[Michael Collings]

This is a very good companion work to “get the girl…” also by Doug Wilson. Both books should be included in one volume, and read by both guys and girls. If only I had the opportunity to read these books as a young man, I would have avoided many pitfalls and blunders in courtship, dating, and general relationships with the opposite sex!

[Amelia Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

You could definitely argue over some of the particulars, but the principles were good.

[Emily Voeller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Audiobook. I always have mixed feelings about Doug Wilson’s writing style. It can tend towards crude, but he’s very straightforward, he tells it like it is, and often has helpful analogies. For me this book had enough great reminders and advice in it to get me past his writing style. I would recommend to any young woman who is looking towards navigating dating, engagement, and relationships with guys in general, even if just to get another perspective on the matter. To me, everything that Wilson presents in the book as “ideal” is perfectly logical to me and the way that I hope to approach dating, etc.

[Caroline Bear · Rating 5 out of 5]

Doug is off in so many places but when it comes to dating he knows what’s up.

This book covered a lot (modesty, attraction, gender roles, father-daughter relationships, singleness, etc) very concisely and in the no-nonsense way he writes.
Many of the chapters were Blog and Mablog episodes that I’ve listened to frequently so it’s nice to have them all in one place. I’m sure I’ll read this again fairly soon.

[Alannah Dormer · Rating 5 out of 5]

To any young Christian woman hoping to one day be married, READ THIS BOOK!! Douglas Wilson presents thoroughly Scriptural advice for young ladies that is absolutely paramount to approaching dating wisely. Wish I had gotten ahold of this book earlier, but I will be recommending it to so many people (there's also a version for guys called "Get the Girl"!).

[Michael Mora]

Definitely recommended reading for young, single Christian women. Men, if you have any marriage aged sisters or daughters who are still single, this would be a good book to read and discuss with them.

[Ben Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I definitely need to reread this here in about ten years when my oldest daughter gets to that age!

Very good book from Douglas Wilson

[Saolomon Mouacheupao · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not PC in your Doug Wilson kind of way. But super practical.

[✨Ruthie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my goodness, an AMAZING book!! Really woke me up to so many things!!

[Lindsay · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good (and quick) read for parents raising daughters.

[Samuel Ratliff · Rating 3 out of 5]

First, I want to acknowledge that this is another excellent book by Doug Wilson. I wholeheartedly agree with about 95% of it. However, there are a few key points where I believe he misses the mark.

One such issue is his stance on women initiating relationships. While I agree in principle that men should generally take the lead in each aspect of the relationship, I don’t think it’s entirely wrong for a woman to express interest or suggest the possibility of a relationship. Even Wilson himself uses Ruth and Boaz as a positive example later in the book—an instance where Ruth clearly took initiative. The important distinction is that while a man should lead once a relationship begins, a woman signaling interest isn’t inherently improper.

Another major point of disagreement comes in the final chapter, where Wilson asserts that sex is a requirement for marriage and goes as far as to say that if a couple is physically incapable of sexual intimacy, they are incapable of being married. I find this view deeply flawed. He later states that he has "no objection" to such couples living together, though he does not consider it a true marriage. This stance raises significant concerns—does this imply that a couple can live together, function in every way as husband and wife, but not be considered married simply because they cannot engage in physical intimacy? If his position is that it's not true marriage, then he cannot say that he has "no objection."

To illustrate the issue, let’s consider a thought experiment: Suppose a man is physically incapable of intercourse but is otherwise able to fulfill every other aspect of marriage, including having children through medical means and sexually gratifying his spouse, and while it may be difficult, can be sexually gratified by his spouse. If, after 10 years and a few difficult fights, the couple were to wish for divorce, would it be proper for the man to leave his "wife" and children because it wasn't a true marriage in the first place? Such an extreme conclusion exposes possible flaws in Wilson’s argument.

Despite these disagreements, this book offers much wisdom and insight. I just urge readers to approach certain conclusions with discernment.

[Caroline Parkinson · Rating 2 out of 5]

There are some good, helpful, and true things in this book. I appreciated the chapter on modesty and the idea that a woman should be attractive without being an attraction, the suggestion of having a list of priorities so you don't enter a relationship that will go nowhere, the importance of respecting the man you're dating, and the last chapter explaining that the wedding adorns the marriage but should not turn into a spectacle that becomes an end in itself.
However, Wilson also gives some terrible advice, especially in chapter 16 where he states that a woman should never ask with her own mouth about the status of the relationship but rather use her dad as a mouthpiece to communicate her discontent with the pace things are moving. His point is that a woman shouldn't try to grab the steering wheel and control the pace of the relationship (which is true), but instead of communicating in a clear, humble, and loving way, what he advocates for is actually manipulation so that she gets her way, i.e., grabbing the steering wheel. Such action isn't just unhelpful, it's hurtful, disrespectful, and wrong. Thinking back over the book I'm starting to think that Wilson doesn't have a problem with manipulation, so long as it isn't overtly sexual.
There are also instances where I believe he misapplies scripture or ignores it altogether. He demands humility from both parties yet fails to display it himself, speaking with neither gentleness nor respect as he seems wont to do
I wanted to give this book a better rating because there is truly practical good in it and I didn't want the negatives to outweigh the positives, but the truth is I don't feel I could recommend it to any woman that needed these teachings for fear she would toss out the good teaching with the bad, and any woman mature enough to discern between what is helpful and unhelpful probably doesn't need it. So while I appreciate the good things in this book, there are much better ones out there and those will be the books I recommend and revisit myself.

[Éowyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Seems good, but I actually found ‘Get the Girl: How to be the Kind of Man the Woman You Would Want to Marry, Would Want to Marry’ to be a bit more helpful. It was great advice - but I for me the most helpful part is that I realised I can only do so much, and that is be Godly, go to places where good guys are and pursue something worthwhile. In my life, it is more helpful at times to understand what a good guy should be acting like than how I should act to attract one, although both are very important. This depends on the person and the situation. Working on both helps.

[Alesha · Rating 4 out of 5]

A mostly very solid, helpful, and practical read. Definitely disagreed with a couple points (mainly relating to how women are apparently ‘leading a relationship’ if they dare to ask a man “what are we?” and then some other things relating to a father’s role…I think Wilson was kind of pushing it with certain things).
I also wish Wilson would’ve given more specific examples that could help to actually apply his ideas, but overall, this was well done.

[Kaycie Clemans · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic. Pastor Wilson says the true yet taboo things in a festive fashion. Felt my feminist hackles raised—which is good for recognition.

Don’t totally agree with some of the courtship thoughts. But need to think about.

[Noah Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book since I have two little girls that will one day need dad’s discipleship and leadership in getting the guy. Phenomenal read! Practical for dads and children. This is a book I’ll read many times as my girls grow up and mature!

[Gloriana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent advice.
I was slightly miffed that it was mostly 'don'ts' and not 'dos' until someone pointed out that the guy should definitely be the initiator. I agree (though I sometimes have problems with that).
Glad I own it now!

[Mark Stacy II · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the companion volume to Get The Girl. It is written from the perspective of a series of letters written by a wise uncle to his niece. Easy read full of excellent advice for single ladies.

[Shannon Majeski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must read.

[Madeline Doornink · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really good. I listened to this to brush up on wisdom for how to think about singleness, especially as I try to be a good friend to my single sisters and friends.

[Ben Sibley · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5? Seems decent, I'm obviously not the target audience, so it doesn't exactly speak to me, but I have and will recommend it you young ladies periodically.

[Jesus Salgado · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has a lot of practical wisdom. Short but helpful.

[Leah Goebel · Rating 4 out of 5]

As always, solid, witty advice. Will definitely be a book I have my daughter and son go through when they arrive at courting age