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Parenting for the Launch: Raising Teens to Succeed in the Real World
Key strategies for parents of teens in the crucial window before that "launch" into the real world. Learn how to set them up for success through effective communication, valuing and cultivating their unique strengths, and empowering versus control. Help your teens build a strong personal leadership foundation that will enable them to live successful, independent lives of purpose, integrity, and impact.
224 pages, Paperback
First published October 15, 2013
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January 16, 2022
Good book for prepping young adults and parents alike as they transition into their adult life
August 10, 2014
Parenting for the Launch (LifeSmart Pub. 2013), 190 pages text plus 11 pages of appendices and 1 page of endnotes.
Parenting for the Launch:Raising teens to succeed in the real world is written for parents and guardians of teens to prepare children to successfully leave home and launch out into the real world. The authors explain that “25% of U.S. high school students don’t graduate high school, the U.S. ranks last in industrialized nations for graduating our college students, and the current level of unemployment for teens is 23.7%.” (p. 12) Thus there is room for improvement in preparing our children to successfully transition to adult life outside the home. And once our children have launched we want them to be successful, diligent, respectful and good stewards of their resources, whether they go to college, the military or straight into the work force. The authors use a multi-pronged approach for these preparations. The aspects they look at include: 1) family environment, 2) fostering leadership, 3) self discovery, 4) understanding finances, and 5) jobs.
1. Family. The authors provide a sample mission statement on pages 30-31 and suggest that we try to come up with one for our own families. “MISSION: To inspire, equip, and empower our future adults who are admired for their character, respected for their gifts and talents, and remembered for the love and service they give to others.”
2. Leadership. The authors discuss nurturing leadership skills in our children. “Helping teens develop a leadership foundation for life is one of our most important parenting responsibilities. It has a huge bearing on whether they will reach their full potential and make wise life decisions.” (p. 39)
3. Self Discovery. “The DISC ® Personality Profile is based on the work of renowned psychologist Dr. William Marston, a contemporary of Carl Jung. Marston developed the DISC Personality Profile in the 1920’s, after studying the personality traits, behavioral patterns, and instinctual reactions of thousands of individuals. As a result of his work, Marston developed the DISC assessment tool for measuring four primary behavioral traits: Dominance (D), Influence (I), Steadiness (S), and Conscientiousness (C)….Using the DISC model, we can group people according to their pace (fast or slow) and priority (tasks or people). There is no right or wrong (we all have a style!), and everyone falls somewhere on both of these continuums.” (p. 80)
D—Dominant—Decisive, confident, self-directed, independent, direct, a change-agent.
I—Influencing—Relational, interactive, expressive, visionary, emotional, fun-loving, optimistic.
S—Steady/Stable—Dependable, loyal, committed, supportive, cooperative.
C—Conscientious—Self-disciplined, cautious, detailed, analytical, intuitive.
Where you land in the spectrum will indicate what your personality, motivations, priorities, and comfortable pace looks like in real life, as you relate to the world around you, including and especially your kids.” (pp. 82-83.)
“It’s helpful to share this information with your teen. Teens are in an important time of self-discovery. They don’t know that everyone is not wired like they are and they don’t know exactly how their parents are wired, either. They may feel that different is “bad” when it comes to personality differences, relational needs, and behavioral styles. Help them identify their own strengths and weaknesses—and be honest about your own. This is a helpful item for their life skills tool box that will serve them well in their relationships with you and others.” (p. 95).
The authors also discuss helping the teen discern all the voices in their lives: friends, parents, teachers, media voices and even make the point that our homes convey messages to our children about who they are. Helping our children discover who they are is critically helpful during the years before the transition. It helps our children make wise choices after they leave home.
4. Finances. They also recommend we teach our children how to be financially responsible and financially conversant in investments, debt and daily expenditures. “Do they understand that the three best ways to avoid poverty are to graduate from high school, not marry before 20, and only have children after they marry?” (p. 201)
5. Jobs. In regard to jobs the authors discuss performance reviews. They suggest we coach our teens to ask their job supervisor what constitutes an “excellent” performance rating and then for the teen to work hard to achieve that excellent rating. The authors also ask “Have you shared the key transition risks with them: social impatience, lack of study disciplines, damaging recreational habits, lack of a support network and spiritual life, excessive personal performance stress, and financial irresponsibility?” (p. 202).
Finally, the authors recommend making a blessing packet for our teens and give it to them right before they leave home. “One of the greatest gifts parents can give their children is the loving perspectives of their uniqueness and value. A great example is to put together a “blessing packet.” You don’t need to call it that; you can name it anything you like, such as “Words to Live By,” “Chicken Soup for ___’s Soul,” or, “A Hundred Things We Love about ______.” The point is that you’re collecting and delivering messages of encouragement and affirmation for your son or daughter that will strengthen his or her self-worth, identity, and sense of significance and calling. You’ll need to consider the people who have had the greatest impact on the life of your teen. They can be family members (parents are a must), friends, teachers, mentors, faith leaders, or others who offer a blessing in the form of a letter. As you recruit these VIPs, suggest they share special qualities, memories, inspirational thoughts, pictures, and the like. The purpose is to collect a wide array of well wishes that honor your teen. Then, at an appropriate time, give them an envelope containing these private letters. Some schools in our area arrange for this at a junior or senior class retreat. It is incredibly powerful. And, it offers you, the parent, an opportunity to say the things you wish you had said or said more. It’s especially meaningful for the parents who are less expressive (often fathers). Be forewarned, it can be an incredibly emotional experience for the parent. (Having done two myself, I can personally attest to that!) But, it’s a gift we not only give to our children, but also to ourselves. This keepsake is a profound blessing to your children. You don’t have to wait until launch time, but it’s a great parting gift that honors your teen at this critical time of life.” (pp. 183-184).
After the teen moves away to college or to the military or enters the workforce the parent then needs to move from the driver seat to the passenger seat. Some of this book deals with helping the parent prepare for the next stage of parenthood—coaching and encouraging. It has good advice and a few things I may consider trying myself, such as the blessing packet and taking the on-line DISC assessment with my teenage daughter.
“Frank A. Clark says, ‘The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.’” (p. 155). The authors believe the first three months after a young adult leaves the home is vitally important. (p. 185). You can find out more about Dennis Trittin at his website at www.dennistrittin.com. Trittin also wrote What I Wish I Knew at 18.
I received a free copy of this book from Icon Media Group. No one paid me for this book review. My review originally appeared in www.jaynechaseloseke.com on August 5, 2014. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Parenting for the Launch:Raising teens to succeed in the real world is written for parents and guardians of teens to prepare children to successfully leave home and launch out into the real world. The authors explain that “25% of U.S. high school students don’t graduate high school, the U.S. ranks last in industrialized nations for graduating our college students, and the current level of unemployment for teens is 23.7%.” (p. 12) Thus there is room for improvement in preparing our children to successfully transition to adult life outside the home. And once our children have launched we want them to be successful, diligent, respectful and good stewards of their resources, whether they go to college, the military or straight into the work force. The authors use a multi-pronged approach for these preparations. The aspects they look at include: 1) family environment, 2) fostering leadership, 3) self discovery, 4) understanding finances, and 5) jobs.
1. Family. The authors provide a sample mission statement on pages 30-31 and suggest that we try to come up with one for our own families. “MISSION: To inspire, equip, and empower our future adults who are admired for their character, respected for their gifts and talents, and remembered for the love and service they give to others.”
2. Leadership. The authors discuss nurturing leadership skills in our children. “Helping teens develop a leadership foundation for life is one of our most important parenting responsibilities. It has a huge bearing on whether they will reach their full potential and make wise life decisions.” (p. 39)
3. Self Discovery. “The DISC ® Personality Profile is based on the work of renowned psychologist Dr. William Marston, a contemporary of Carl Jung. Marston developed the DISC Personality Profile in the 1920’s, after studying the personality traits, behavioral patterns, and instinctual reactions of thousands of individuals. As a result of his work, Marston developed the DISC assessment tool for measuring four primary behavioral traits: Dominance (D), Influence (I), Steadiness (S), and Conscientiousness (C)….Using the DISC model, we can group people according to their pace (fast or slow) and priority (tasks or people). There is no right or wrong (we all have a style!), and everyone falls somewhere on both of these continuums.” (p. 80)
D—Dominant—Decisive, confident, self-directed, independent, direct, a change-agent.
I—Influencing—Relational, interactive, expressive, visionary, emotional, fun-loving, optimistic.
S—Steady/Stable—Dependable, loyal, committed, supportive, cooperative.
C—Conscientious—Self-disciplined, cautious, detailed, analytical, intuitive.
Where you land in the spectrum will indicate what your personality, motivations, priorities, and comfortable pace looks like in real life, as you relate to the world around you, including and especially your kids.” (pp. 82-83.)
“It’s helpful to share this information with your teen. Teens are in an important time of self-discovery. They don’t know that everyone is not wired like they are and they don’t know exactly how their parents are wired, either. They may feel that different is “bad” when it comes to personality differences, relational needs, and behavioral styles. Help them identify their own strengths and weaknesses—and be honest about your own. This is a helpful item for their life skills tool box that will serve them well in their relationships with you and others.” (p. 95).
The authors also discuss helping the teen discern all the voices in their lives: friends, parents, teachers, media voices and even make the point that our homes convey messages to our children about who they are. Helping our children discover who they are is critically helpful during the years before the transition. It helps our children make wise choices after they leave home.
4. Finances. They also recommend we teach our children how to be financially responsible and financially conversant in investments, debt and daily expenditures. “Do they understand that the three best ways to avoid poverty are to graduate from high school, not marry before 20, and only have children after they marry?” (p. 201)
5. Jobs. In regard to jobs the authors discuss performance reviews. They suggest we coach our teens to ask their job supervisor what constitutes an “excellent” performance rating and then for the teen to work hard to achieve that excellent rating. The authors also ask “Have you shared the key transition risks with them: social impatience, lack of study disciplines, damaging recreational habits, lack of a support network and spiritual life, excessive personal performance stress, and financial irresponsibility?” (p. 202).
Finally, the authors recommend making a blessing packet for our teens and give it to them right before they leave home. “One of the greatest gifts parents can give their children is the loving perspectives of their uniqueness and value. A great example is to put together a “blessing packet.” You don’t need to call it that; you can name it anything you like, such as “Words to Live By,” “Chicken Soup for ___’s Soul,” or, “A Hundred Things We Love about ______.” The point is that you’re collecting and delivering messages of encouragement and affirmation for your son or daughter that will strengthen his or her self-worth, identity, and sense of significance and calling. You’ll need to consider the people who have had the greatest impact on the life of your teen. They can be family members (parents are a must), friends, teachers, mentors, faith leaders, or others who offer a blessing in the form of a letter. As you recruit these VIPs, suggest they share special qualities, memories, inspirational thoughts, pictures, and the like. The purpose is to collect a wide array of well wishes that honor your teen. Then, at an appropriate time, give them an envelope containing these private letters. Some schools in our area arrange for this at a junior or senior class retreat. It is incredibly powerful. And, it offers you, the parent, an opportunity to say the things you wish you had said or said more. It’s especially meaningful for the parents who are less expressive (often fathers). Be forewarned, it can be an incredibly emotional experience for the parent. (Having done two myself, I can personally attest to that!) But, it’s a gift we not only give to our children, but also to ourselves. This keepsake is a profound blessing to your children. You don’t have to wait until launch time, but it’s a great parting gift that honors your teen at this critical time of life.” (pp. 183-184).
After the teen moves away to college or to the military or enters the workforce the parent then needs to move from the driver seat to the passenger seat. Some of this book deals with helping the parent prepare for the next stage of parenthood—coaching and encouraging. It has good advice and a few things I may consider trying myself, such as the blessing packet and taking the on-line DISC assessment with my teenage daughter.
“Frank A. Clark says, ‘The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.’” (p. 155). The authors believe the first three months after a young adult leaves the home is vitally important. (p. 185). You can find out more about Dennis Trittin at his website at www.dennistrittin.com. Trittin also wrote What I Wish I Knew at 18.
I received a free copy of this book from Icon Media Group. No one paid me for this book review. My review originally appeared in www.jaynechaseloseke.com on August 5, 2014. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
June 6, 2014
Introduction
We all know parenting isn’t easy. Kids can cause you great anger and great joy, often in one sentence. But it’s the first calling of mankind, “Be fruitful and multiply.” I wonder if God was waiting for Adam and Eve to ask, “And what do we do with them after we’ve multiplied?” They never ask and one day Cain kills Abel. Coincidence?
Why does the book exist?
There’s no doubt that the shelves are filled with books on how to parent. Focus on the Family is a ministry almost exclusively dedicated to this proposition. Dennis Trittin and Arlyn Lawrence have set a particular focus for their book; how do you get your kids to a point where they can make their own way in the world? In other words; parenting for the launch. With this broader context in mind the book is a compendium of advice covering a broad range of topics.
What’s it all about?
The book is broken up into three sections. What I see is that Part One covers, roughly speaking, the first 10 years. Part two, the next 10. Part three is some last tips and ideas as you kick your child out the door…I mean, as they switch from “passenger’s seat to the driver’s seat.” A multitude of topics are covered; freedom, discipline, finances, thinking outside yourself, communication, knowing what motivates you, dealing with adversity, college, career, outside influences and ultimately letting them go.
Each chapter starts out with an example story of how Trittin and Lawrence learned, basically through trial and error, how to raise their kids. The story is then broken down to look at what’s going on with the children and the parents. Throughout the breakdown general pointers are given that apply to given situation and the broader spectrum of their lives. At the end of each chapter is the Take Five section; essentially a moment to reflect and then questions to consider. The Take Five section will sometimes include activities to do with your children. I’m glad they pointed this out because as a father I always thought they were experiments to try on your children.
At the back of the book are four appendices with guidelines, goals, and personal inventory sheets. These are helpful to the new parent to clear a path and create a kind of baseline for where you want to be as a parent and where you want to point your children.
Having “raised” two children myself (those of you with children will understand why that’s in quotes) I can tell you that the advice in the book is solid. Thanks to years of reading Dr Dobson from Focus on the Family, and the advice of our parent’s (often unspoken, but never uncommunicated) all of this sounds familiar.
It’s also reasonable advice. Trittin and Lawrence are not painting a rosy picture of “follow steps 1 through 10 and your child will be the perfect citizen.” The authors are not hiding the fact that kids will test you. With every fiber of their being they will work hard day and night to break your will and send you to your room in tears, but you can’t let this happen! Mount an offensive! Created a united front! Take the fort!
Some things to watch out for
Parenting for the Launch is not presented as a Christian book on parenting, but there’s nothing here to worry the Christian. It really is good advice. The authors do point out that “faith” is an important part of raising your children, but that faith is not defined. I would not let this dissuade you from reading the book. Simply know that a foundation in Christ is the first and most important thing to instill in your children and then this book will fill in the day-to-day details.
At times the book does sound like a “follow these steps to success” kind of book and while the authors do mention that each child is different this point cannot be stressed enough: no book can adequately encompass all the differing possibilities your child will throw at you. Books are good primers with general advice, but always be ready to modify that advice to fit the needs of your child.
The Wrap Up
Whether you are expecting your first child; have one, or two, already; even if your oldest is about ready to launch, this book is worth your time.
I think Trittin and Lawrence sum up the book nicely, “And, you will smile each time, knowing that the relationship you’ve built along the way is an enduring one. They still need you, but in a different way now. Just as it should be.”
I received a complimentary copy of this book from Icon Media Group and was not required to write a positive review.
We all know parenting isn’t easy. Kids can cause you great anger and great joy, often in one sentence. But it’s the first calling of mankind, “Be fruitful and multiply.” I wonder if God was waiting for Adam and Eve to ask, “And what do we do with them after we’ve multiplied?” They never ask and one day Cain kills Abel. Coincidence?
Why does the book exist?
There’s no doubt that the shelves are filled with books on how to parent. Focus on the Family is a ministry almost exclusively dedicated to this proposition. Dennis Trittin and Arlyn Lawrence have set a particular focus for their book; how do you get your kids to a point where they can make their own way in the world? In other words; parenting for the launch. With this broader context in mind the book is a compendium of advice covering a broad range of topics.
What’s it all about?
The book is broken up into three sections. What I see is that Part One covers, roughly speaking, the first 10 years. Part two, the next 10. Part three is some last tips and ideas as you kick your child out the door…I mean, as they switch from “passenger’s seat to the driver’s seat.” A multitude of topics are covered; freedom, discipline, finances, thinking outside yourself, communication, knowing what motivates you, dealing with adversity, college, career, outside influences and ultimately letting them go.
Each chapter starts out with an example story of how Trittin and Lawrence learned, basically through trial and error, how to raise their kids. The story is then broken down to look at what’s going on with the children and the parents. Throughout the breakdown general pointers are given that apply to given situation and the broader spectrum of their lives. At the end of each chapter is the Take Five section; essentially a moment to reflect and then questions to consider. The Take Five section will sometimes include activities to do with your children. I’m glad they pointed this out because as a father I always thought they were experiments to try on your children.
At the back of the book are four appendices with guidelines, goals, and personal inventory sheets. These are helpful to the new parent to clear a path and create a kind of baseline for where you want to be as a parent and where you want to point your children.
Having “raised” two children myself (those of you with children will understand why that’s in quotes) I can tell you that the advice in the book is solid. Thanks to years of reading Dr Dobson from Focus on the Family, and the advice of our parent’s (often unspoken, but never uncommunicated) all of this sounds familiar.
It’s also reasonable advice. Trittin and Lawrence are not painting a rosy picture of “follow steps 1 through 10 and your child will be the perfect citizen.” The authors are not hiding the fact that kids will test you. With every fiber of their being they will work hard day and night to break your will and send you to your room in tears, but you can’t let this happen! Mount an offensive! Created a united front! Take the fort!
Some things to watch out for
Parenting for the Launch is not presented as a Christian book on parenting, but there’s nothing here to worry the Christian. It really is good advice. The authors do point out that “faith” is an important part of raising your children, but that faith is not defined. I would not let this dissuade you from reading the book. Simply know that a foundation in Christ is the first and most important thing to instill in your children and then this book will fill in the day-to-day details.
At times the book does sound like a “follow these steps to success” kind of book and while the authors do mention that each child is different this point cannot be stressed enough: no book can adequately encompass all the differing possibilities your child will throw at you. Books are good primers with general advice, but always be ready to modify that advice to fit the needs of your child.
The Wrap Up
Whether you are expecting your first child; have one, or two, already; even if your oldest is about ready to launch, this book is worth your time.
I think Trittin and Lawrence sum up the book nicely, “And, you will smile each time, knowing that the relationship you’ve built along the way is an enduring one. They still need you, but in a different way now. Just as it should be.”
I received a complimentary copy of this book from Icon Media Group and was not required to write a positive review.
June 12, 2021
Appendix starts at 90%.
Fabulous book that finally centers on mid-late teens and how to prepare them to leave the nest.
Bittersweet for this mom, but well presented with tips I'll utilize.
Fabulous book that finally centers on mid-late teens and how to prepare them to leave the nest.
Bittersweet for this mom, but well presented with tips I'll utilize.
September 29, 2014
Parenting for the Launch
By: Dennis Trittin
Arlyn Lawrence
I am now at the point this can help with grandchildren. Did I do a perfect job raising my children probably not but I am proud of how they have grown up. Does that mean a life that has went perfect for them? No they are learning by their mistakes. This book is a guide to help direct your children to leave home and be able to fly with their own set of wings and not by apron strings. This book will give you guidelines to help your child soar to adulthood. I think this book would be great for anyone raising children.
By: Dennis Trittin
Arlyn Lawrence
I am now at the point this can help with grandchildren. Did I do a perfect job raising my children probably not but I am proud of how they have grown up. Does that mean a life that has went perfect for them? No they are learning by their mistakes. This book is a guide to help direct your children to leave home and be able to fly with their own set of wings and not by apron strings. This book will give you guidelines to help your child soar to adulthood. I think this book would be great for anyone raising children.
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