She Doesn't Seem Autistic

by Esther Ottaway

How could other parents understand she can't regulate, can't dress, screams in wind? Their girls touch down, their modules steady, small footsteps breaking the moon-sand's surface, their milestones cosmic miracles of the ordinary. We long for their basic okayness, their assumption that the whole team will walk on the moon, get to jump, twirl in the applause, treasure the video.
With her characteristic heart and power, the winner of the Tim Thorne Prize for Poetry turns her attention inward in this new poetry colleciton, creatively illuminating her own hidden autism and that of girls and women, most of whom are misdiagnosed and unsupported in a medical system designed for boys. Every page will surprise and move you.

Genres: Poetry, Mental Health

84 pages, Paperback

Published July 1, 2023

Reviews

[Frankie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly relatable, but also confident, devastating poetry (a few weaker ones towards the end that over rely on repetition).

[Kanako Okiron]

Can't rate because of my autism (and injury)

[Olive · Rating 5 out of 5]

im so glad I went to readings on my lunch break and found this book! these poems were written with such heart and humanity.

before these poems were published, there were only 20 books in the world that focused purely on autism in women and girls... (still can't get over this). thank you Esther for writing the 21st book! I hope that your voice and those of other women and girls with autism will be heard and celebrated by more people.

your closing sentence in the foreword has sat with me all day: 'please allow her to exist, in your mind and the world around you'. these poems were a welcome reminder that the personal is always political.

'small talk', 'elegy for a fun childhood', 'limbic airways flight', 'can't keep house woman' and 'girl brains mean nothing' were my personal faves hehe

[Susan Austin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished reading this book again today. I launched it in Hobart and online last year, and gave Esther some feedback on some of the poems in development, so I was very familiar with it overall, but it was great to read it again and reflect on how some of the experiences might be similar to mine (raising a child who we now understand has ADHD), and some of my new autistic clients. I share some of the poems with my mental health creative writing group and they love how it gives them an understanding of some of the challenges that go way deeper than textbook information. It really is a spectacularly impressive collection of poems, a master lesson in poetic forms and styles and such a wonderful addition to modern literature, both for its poetic accomplishment and its social impact - broadening our understanding of autism, ADHD and its associated conditions in women and girls.

[Lauren Makepeace · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am astounded by some of these poems.
My absolute favourite line comes after Esther describes all the different 'mes' that make up Esther, and says:
All these mes are present, and I've had to precisely measure them, bargain with them, wade through their head-swamping concrete just to get put of the house.
'Head-swamping concrete' is just definitive. Stunning imagery.

[Jacinta · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an autistic woman, I really appreciated these poems. Many put into words so clearly what I've experienced. The poems cover a wide variety of conditions common to autistic people, and I feel that it shows well how varied the spectrum can be.