Fifty-seven Fridays: Losing Our Daughter, Finding Our Way

by Myra L. Sack

Life is unfolding as planned for Myra Sack and her husband Matt until their beautiful year-old daughter Havi is diagnosed with Tay-Sachs, a fatal neurodegenerative disease, and given only a year to live. Myra and Matt decide to celebrate Havi’s short life and vow to show her as much of the world as they can, surrounded by friends and family who relocate to be in Havi’s orbit. Tapping their Judaism, they transform Friday night Shabbats into birthday parties—“Shabbirthdays”—to replace the birthdays Havi will never have.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography Memoir, Grief

266 pages, Hardcover

Published April 2, 2024

Reviews

[Bruce Wilhelm · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a beautiful account of Myra and Matt's deep, deep love for their daughter, Havi, who so sadly passed away from Tay-Sachs disease. As a parent, and a parent in the worst club in human existence, those who have lost a child, I found their story unbelievably powerful and difficult. At times I had trouble breathing as I read what they were going through. Their life experience certainly will provide perspective on what is truly important in this life- family, relationships, and the bonds of human kindness.

[Dul · Rating 4 out of 5]

I hardly read autobiographies, but I will definitely always remember it and I will carry it in my heart.

As you read this book you feel the pain and emotions that the author himself felt. Believe me, since I read the synopsis I started crying because just imagining it gave me a lot of feeling and I mostly spent it crying.

Her 1-year-old daughter is diagnosed with a neurodegenerative disease in which she only has one year to live. Myra and Matt decide to celebrate Havi's short life and promise to show him as much as they can, surrounded by friends and family who move to be in Havi's orbit. Taking advantage of their Judaism, they transform the Shabbats of Friday night into birthday parties...

"Shabbirthdays" - to replace the birthdays that Havi will never have.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many years ago, long before I was a parent, I read The Still Point of the Turning World, another mother's memoir of surviving a child with Tay-Sachs disease, and it was a gut punch. Reading this book now, with 2 children of my own, one of whom is not all that much older than Havi was when she died of Tay-Sachs, was nearly unbearable. I wept through a solid 25% of this book. (My husband: "Are you...OK?" Me: "don't worry about it.")

This book does a couple of things so beautifully: 1.) it demands, gently but firmly, that we bear witness to the pain of losing a child, and to the necessity of being in community as a way of navigating the grief process, and 2.) it invites us all not to turn away from the grief of others, no matter how unfathomable, and shows us that the life of a person who died, no matter how short, was and is a public life and should be honored in a way that holds both the person who died and the people who survive them in active, beloved community. These are such important reminders for how to be human, how to be good to each other, in a time when everything already feels so fraught, so tenuous.

[Erika Proulx · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredibly heartbreaking and moving memoir of the life of a beautiful family and their charming daughter, Havi Lev Goldstein. What a gift this book is to any human who has come in contact with the darkness of grief. Myra vulnerably shares the deepest part of the human mind and heart in not only confronting the impossibility of losing a daughter, but of living alongside grief and love instead of moving away from the pain. The charm of Havi will have you giggling at pages and crying alongside her loved ones at others. You won’t be able to put this book down. Though Havi’s physical presence on this Earth was far too short, this book and her spirit will have you looking at life differently forever. A simple walk in nature will have you smiling at Havi’s presence looking at the trees with her big beautiful eyes. You will no longer be able to enjoy blueberries and avocados without thinking of the sweet girl who left this physical Earth too soon. An absolute MUST read.

[Erin Blechman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must read for bereaved parents.

Myra and her husband, Matt, receive a terminal diagnosis of Tay-Sachs disease for their daughter Havi after a series of developmental delays. Over the course of the next fifty-seven Fridays, they set out to celebrate Havi, with a "Shabbirthday" where they gather with family and friends to cherish the time they have left and shower their sweet little girl with love. Reading about how they watch their beautiful baby deteriorate and die before their eyes is gut-wrenching, Myra's broken and beautiful mother's heart comes through every page.

If you're struggling with your own loss, you'll appreciate Myra's ability to balance her pain with her gratitude. "Being happy does not mean we do not feel pain or grief or sadness - successively or, as happens more often, simultaneously. Sorrow and contentment, grief and beauty, longing and surrender coexist in the realm of sameness. This is called the unity of opposites, and it liberates us from a myopic, dualistic view of our emotions as either/or."

Myra's desire and commitment to use her greatest tragedy to help others is inspirational, and she writes, "I want to be part of a seismic cultural shift in this country about how to talk about grief and loss and love."

I highly recommend this book. You'll fall in love with Havi, her amazingly strong parents, Myra and Matt, her baby sister, Kaia, and the rest of her "posse."

[Elaina Baker · Rating 4 out of 5]

read this practically in one sitting. Her writing drew me in instantly and suddenly I was months into the story and feeling like I’d been there in real time. This is a true, raw, full brain dump that captures the full extent of grief and leans into its every emotion as it occurs, over again like the real grief merry go round that spins you into exhaustion. She doesn’t spare any thought from her head during the whole journey, which is not only impressive from a documentation and memory standpoint but also from one of vulnerability and of willingness to share such moments. This is a story about grief, longing, despair, and looming fate, but equally about community, life meaning, and what really matters.

By the end of this book I felt that I too had a hole in my heart and searching for a way to move forward. Almost like Havi left her deep love for me too.

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. Perhaps, more strictly, like suspense. Or like waiting; just hanging about, waiting for something to happen” -C.S. Lewis

[Michele · Rating 5 out of 5]

Matt and Mayra did everything they were supposed to do when deciding to start their family. Knowing their ancestry, they both got tested for Tay-Sachs. Both were told that they had tested negative. Their beautiful daughter Havi was born with all things going well. Then just when she should have been hitting the crawling milestone has well as some others, Mayra felt that something just wasn’t right with her daughter. At first they were told Cerebral Palsy. But Havi was declining everyday so more tests came. In the end, Havi was diagnosed with Tay-Sachs. What followed were beautiful rituals set in place to honor their daughter. Bittersweet and beautiful this story is one for all. Thank you to the publisher for my ARC in return for my honest opinion.

[Marianne Pestana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fifty-Seven Fridays is one of the most achingly beautiful and courageous memoirs I’ve ever read. With unflinching honesty and extraordinary grace, Myra Sack invites readers into the sacred space of parenting her daughter Havi through life, illness, and loss. This is not just a story of grief, it is a luminous testament to love, ritual, and resilience. Myra’s writing pulses with raw truth and tender strength, offering a guide for anyone who has ever loved deeply or mourned profoundly. Through every page, Havi’s light shines, and so does Myra’s ability to turn sorrow into meaning. This book doesn’t just stay with you, it changes you.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Show up for people. On big and small days. It always matters.

There are so many things to learn from Havi’s story- and Myra weaves them all so beautifully through this heartbreaking account- about how to show up for people, to live in both/and and to move with the hardest things. Despite these profound lessons, this story isn’t about learning. It’s about being. Being with the most beautiful girl- while she was here on earth and beyond. Anyone who spends time with her in these pages will be better for it.

[Jennifer Lillis · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautifully written and incredibly moving memoir. I couldn’t put it down once I started. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to show up fully for the people in their lives through joy and deep pain and everything in between, to those of us who experienced grief and loss and those of us who haven’t. There is so much wisdom in this book about how to be present in our lives, and despite the trajedy at the center of this story, there is also so much joy.

[Margaret · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy moly. This book is completely devastating. Every page overflows with love.

I’ve never read a book that had me in tears the entire time like this one. What an incredible mother and writer. This book certainly changed me. I’ll be thinking of Havi in blueberries, Landslide, and golden curls and holding her in my heart as I love my people. So grateful that her parents shared their story.

Need to write down that line about how joy and grief are not opposites but amplifiers.

[Barry Levinthal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beyond words to say how beautiful this book is. Heartbreaking but at the same time a celebration of the precious life of Havi. It is insightful and instructive for anyone who has suffered lose of a loved one, which is or will be all of us at some point. The love and courage it took to write this book are present on every page.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Before reading 57 Fridays, I refused to ever think about what it would be like to lose a child. That kind of grief was a black hole to stay far, far away from. After meeting, loving, and grieving Havi through the book, however, I learned there is beauty and meaning in unfathomable grief. To grieve is to love. Myra’s grace and rawness in sharing Havi’s story in the present tense pulled me in, and will stay with me as I stumble upon Havi’s “soul sparks” in places both ordinary and extraordinary.

[Victoria Hails · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you for sharing your story and sharing Havi with the world. I learned so much about grief and how to support those who are grieving. I think this is a powerful and important read. I especially like the idea of souls being dispersed among multiple souls, so that they can spread their light to more than just one person.

[Mauri · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will never forget this book or the family (nuclear and extended). It taught me so much on every level. I especially recommend this book to all helping professionals before graduating, after and anytime in between. Actually I recommend this book to anyone interested in supporting people during difficult times.

[Adin Lenchner · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really powerful, personal, vulnerable, and movingly told sharing of the most painful experience a person can have. I feel grateful to Myra for opening up and telling her story in this way and for the chance to have lived for just a few hours with Havi's spirit. Strongly recommend 57 Fridays for people that have experienced this loss and those that haven't!

[Ilana Garber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my goodness this book is so powerfully written! You can almost smell Havi z”l and taste her blueberry pancakes and feel the wind on her face. And you can definitely feel the love in this family. A powerful lesson on death, grief, loss, and most importantly, life. Thank you for sharing your precious daughter with us. Your courage, and her memory, are inspirations.

[Lindsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life-changing. This book about parental grief and boundless love for a child before, during, and after terminal illness will bring you to your knees. Fifty-seven Fridays will change the way you think about being present with your loved ones and walking through grief. It is a beautiful tribute to Havi's too-short and precious life.

[Zehava (Joyce) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’d heard about it this family before (I think I’ve heard the dad on a podcast) so I jumped to listen to
this book when I heard about it. This book is a story of love and loss and grief. You definitely have to be in the right mindset to listen to it. It is a beautiful and sad story of a family losing and grieving over the loss of their baby daughter to Tay Sachs. Excellent audiobook.

[Sarah Ingram · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most moving and empowering books I have ever read. I was in tears the entire last 100 pages. Myra is such an eloquent and emotionally intelligent writer and I believe that this book should be mandatory reading for everyone. It adequately encapsulates the pain and beauty of grief and how they can co-exist. A thoughtful rebuttal on “moving on” and “pushing through” unimaginable loss.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a roadmap to loving more fully, not only children but our family, our friends, and our most vulnerable community members. Havi brings the fullest love to a world that desperately needs more of it. I hope you'll invite her into your heart and home.

[Cora Glazer · Rating 5 out of 5]

My friend wrote this incredible memoir, and her strength and light shows in every passage. It’s a tribute to her daughter who died of Tay-Sachs disease, and an essential tutorial on living with grief and keeping lost loved ones alive through ritual and shared memory.

[Jule D. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so heartwarming and so heartbreaking, all at the same time that as I read it, there were times I just couldn't go on and other times I couldn't put it down.
Anyone who reads this book will fall in love with Havi and her family. I will never forget them.

[Gabrielle Greenberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

couldn’t put it down. loved spending my whole day with myra & havi.

[Elise Altschuler · Rating 5 out of 5]

So unbelievably heartbreaking but an important read.

[Missy · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5⭐️

[Lauren Waldman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This one had me sniffling on the beach 😢

[Allie · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredibly thoughtful and heartfelt account of love, loss, and reckoning with grief

[Lianna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a wonderful book and inspirational family but I could not stop crying. I have never shed more tears

[Alison · Rating 4 out of 5]

I finished this book last night. And woke up this morning feeling to learn the author is hosting a conversation about her experience on Wednesday night. Thank you, Dartmouth. (The author is an alum)