In Search of a Salve: Memoir of a Sex Addict

by K.E. Garland

In Search of a Salve is the written personification of what it means to stare the truth of yourself in the mirror and accept it wholeheartedly. In stories tender and raw, K E Garland invites readers on the journey of her life as she discovers herself, her sexuality, and subsequent sex addiction.
No topic is too taboo or off limits; from the sexual assaults she suffered as a child to the exhibitionism displayed and multiple abortions she had as an adult. Garland weaves the seedy and secretive world of a sex addict with her words, removing the erotic and replacing it with the reality of what it means to live a double life; lying to and cheating on the ones you love.
But like anyone wanting to see the other side of addiction, Garland had to do the necessary work to put her urges in perspective and her desires in check. In Search of a Salve is the memoir of someone who's spent years excavating her interior; rooting out what never belonged and pouring in all that she needed to live courageously bold, honest, and healing.

Genres: Memoir, Mental Illness

354 pages, Hardcover

Published September 26, 2023

About the author

K E Garland is an award-winning blogger and essayist based in Florida. She uses creative nonfiction to de-marginalize women’s experiences with an intent to highlight and humanize contemporary issues.

Her debut memoir, In Search of a Salve: Memoir of a Sex Addict was long listed for the 2024 Santa Fe Writers Project.

Reviews

[Book Reviews by Tara aka Queen of Memoirs · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Search of A Salve broke every stereotype I previously had about sex addiction. In the past, whenever I’ve thought of a sex addict, I’ve always pictured a selfish man. Never did I visualize an African American, married, female Dr. with children.
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By sharing her story KE Garland humanized sex addiction. This was done by taking me deeply into her familial relationships, marriage, extra marital affairs, career, and emotions. I was able to get a complete picture of how this kind of addiction can take hold and be used as a self-soothing coping mechanism. Because of this memoir, I’ve abandoned my belief that a sex addict is merely a cheating husband attempting to avoid the consequences of his manipulative behavior.
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I must admit, before reading this book I wasn’t a fan of the cover. Seeing a little black girl with the words “sex addict” written across the top made me uncomfortable. I wondered if the image would further promote the hyper-sexualized lens the world often view young black girls through. However, midway through this journey I was able to understand the reason for this stirring image. Sex addicts aren’t birthed in adulthood. The seed of this addiction is planted at a very early age.
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This book is superbly written. The pacing of the story is perfect. No chapter was weighted down with too many unimportant details. It’s told in chronological order. Each chapter is named after a person in the author’s life during that time. The final chapter is titled 𝘒𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘉𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵. It’s in this chapter Kathy details the current state of her marriage. This chapter was the perfect way to end the book! I was very interested in reading how their marriage fared after all it had been through.
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Overall, this was a great read. Eye opening! I highly recommend adding it to your 2024 TBR.
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Thank you KE Garland for gifting me your amazing memoir for review. I appreciate and admire your ability to share your unfiltered truth.

[BrownBookNerd · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I first got this book, I judged it by its title and thought I knew what to expect. But I was wrong about what I thought it would be about and I’m glad I was. This is a compelling story of resilience, healing, understanding, and forgiveness. Garland recounts her life as a child on up to an adult. She did an amazing job revisiting experiences in her life that caused her addiction and the work and necessary steps she took to heal from it. I really enjoyed this memoir and the raw honesty that filled each page. It’s more than a book about a sex addict. It’s a book about healing from past trauma and the journey to creating an honest, healthy, loving life.

[Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Petulia was a five-pound baby born to a mother with schizophrenia. (My son has paranoid schizophrenia, and I can only imagine the effect of the illness on an unborn child.) Petulia’s mother abandoned her in an empty apartment at five months old, hungry and soiled, crying and alone, for an estimated five to seven days. When the janitor found Petulia, she weighed seven pounds, not only malnourished but denied of oxytocin, emotional bonding, and maternal attachment. Police officers scooped her up and left her in an unfamiliar foster home with other abandoned children, later to be adopted as Katherin Elizabeth.

KE Garland uncovers her own story of trauma compounded by more trauma. Her early abandonment led to internalized rejection, boundary issues, and codependency. In Search of a Salve: Memoir of a Sex Addict depicts the secrecy of a double life and one woman’s journey to heal herself and her relationships. A compelling and eye-opening memoir, Garland is scientifically self-aware and unflinchingly brave. Don’t we all have some healing to do?

[Akilah · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Garland started promoting her book, she said in her blog and Instagram posts that the book would not be salacious and that she would tell the whole truth. What she didn't say is that this would not serve as just a tale about sex addiction but that the book would also work to teach people to understand how addiction works and why it happens. I say that, but I want to be clear that this is a memoir that reads like a memoir so is not an academic text in the traditional sense of the word, but I also want to be clear that Garland is first and foremost an educator, which comes through clearly here. In most memoirs that I have read, when people share their experiences and say that x or y is not uncommon for people who, says, have sex addiction. Garland, on the other hand, will make that statement but also provides footnotes with sources and--at the end--includes a bibliography for further reading along with a list of books/readings not directly referenced in the text that helped her understand herself and change her life.

I mention the salaciousness as well because this is not written to titillate even when Garland gives specifics about some of her sexual encounters. Rather, she takes time to detail what she was thinking and feeling before, during, and after to give a true glimpse into the interior world of someone with sex addiction and how that interior world drives the external behaviors. In that way, the promise of her telling the whole truth is also fulfilled.

I am familiar with Garland's writing from her blog and other nonfiction pieces she has published, and she provides the same level of craft and storytelling here. The memoir is filled with anecdotes from the entirety of Garland's lifetime, including the impact her sexual addiction has on her relationships and marriage. She writes about all the major players (including herself) with compassion, even those who abandoned and/or abused her.

The writing is engaging and, as I said earlier, informative but not in a preachy or didactic way. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to understand addiction generally and sexual addiction specifically as I think it would help them to understand why a person may go down that path.

[JayBee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Raw, gritty and authentic immediately come to mind in describing K.E. Garland's "In Search of a Salve." I do not know what I was expecting, but this memoir had much baggage to unpack.

I am the first to admit that I am not a fan of
memiors. Who wants to read about someone's life? The beginnings of this book, showcased childhood dramas and read like one of Daniel
Black's works of fiction. I found myself, reminding myself, that this was/is someone's reality. Like most families, there is much drama and of course, a lovable grandmother, "Grandma Hunny" (love her), that is no-nonsense and full of unsolicited opinions.

The book attempts to shed light on K.E. Garland's roots that led to her mental illness and sex addiction. The graphic nature and explots of Ms. Garland's activities are detailed in a language that is not erotically forced. The reader is introduced to the ultimate victim, (her inner child) in the book and the mental struggles the two of them ensued.

I admit, I did not enjoy the beginning, but the introduction of the clinical diagnosis added a
validity to the subject matter.

Great job, Dr. Garland. I will be praying for your continued healing and for you to locate the salve you are seeking.

[Stephanie Loomis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not my usual fare, but Kathy is a friend. I knew her narration would make her story more poignant, but I was not ready for the horror of her childhood. She tried to overcome the abuse and abandonment issues of closed adoption and parental death through addiction, not to drugs, but to alcohol, exhibitionism, and sex. Over three decades, Garland struggled to contain her inner demons by wearing the life of a wife, mother, and university professor but came to understand that her addictions were partly genetic and required more than a steeled resolve to control.
Along the way, her husband, who had his own coping mechanisms for life's trials, sought to understand her. He threatened to leave but never did. Their story continues, but without the devastating secrets that walled each of them into their private versions of hell. Garland found release in yoga, meditation, and writing. Her memoir is her story, but the lessons she learned in life are universal: truth is better than deceit, trauma must be addressed fearlessly, and love is not always enough to heal a broken heart or mind.

[Yecheilyah Ysrayl · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Search of a Salve snatches us into the author’s world with the rawness of a Sister Souljah book. Like Winter Santiaga, KE Garland has no sugarcoated, watered-down stories to tell you.

But unlike Winter, Kathy’s story is no fairytale.

The author takes us through the series of tragic incidents that led to her preoccupation with sex, including child-on-child molestation, car accidents, and the death of her adoptive mother. Garland expertly reveals how she utilized sex as a salve for a wound she wasn’t completely aware even existed, leading her down a path of multiple sex partners and abortions.

However, don’t assume this book is about the author’s naughty antics. This memoir stands out because it doesn’t only list regrettable events and bad decisions. What’s important is the linkages between how trauma impacts the body, permeates the mind, and results in addiction.

[Barb Hegreberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story is raw and brutally honest.

BUT…

It is a story that needed to be told. It helped me understand those in my life who have experienced trauma. Each of us processes trauma, grief, and heartbreak in our own way.

We think we are helping our children by hiding our pain or our past. But the truth is, if we don’t show them that life is messy and give them healthy ways to deal with the mess they may end up in destructive cycles of behaviour that can take a lifetime to recover from.

[Sasadya Miner · Rating 5 out of 5]

KE’s candor in this memoir is incredibly invaluable. Not only is the storytelling incredible (I finished the book in two sittings), but the way in which she discusses topics that are historically not talked about in today’s society is so, so needed, especially for women. I’m grateful to have this memoir a part of my home collection and can’t wait to return to it!

[Valerity (Val) · Rating 5 out of 5]

A moving and honest memoir on hard subjects of real life. The author went through a lot from a young age, and shares her experiences beautifully. One of my favorite writers, I think this is her best work yet. So inspiring.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

I keep reading and reading this book. Each time I pick it up I feel at home like it’s a place I belong.

[Lisa Tetting · Rating 5 out of 5]

BRAVE! HONEST!! COMPELLING!!!

This book read like a tale of fiction, but it indeed was a memoir. The honesty that is relayed between the pages was unreal. I can’t imagine the anxiety the author faced at revealing her inner most thoughts, secrets and indiscretions.

Kudos to the author for recognizing her challenges and to her husband for sticking by her side. At times I felt my jaw dropping from shock, and at other times I shook my head in disbelief. This book will cause you to surf through a myriad of emotions.

Take a walk through the mind of a sex addict and find redemption in her journey to heal. READ THIS BOOK!

[Khaya Ronkainen · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Search of a Salve is a personal story of a sex addict's secretive life. The memoir explores the protagonist's past and emotional journey with events that span years, from childhood to adult life. Topics such as abandonment, trauma, grief, anxiety, and how these led to her sex addiction as a maladaptive coping mechanism are scrutinised.

The book is thought-provoking, engaging and masterfully crafted. But, a word of caution: this is a rigorous exploration of a sex addict's life. The author's eloquent writing style will not shield you from uncomfortable truths. If you are someone who feels deeply, pace yourself!

Even though the story is heartbreaking and evokes all sorts of emotions, it's also enlightening. Because Dr Garland, along with the personal, provides a well-researched account of exhibitionism as a form of mental illness.

While the author writes with such unflinching honesty on this delicate topic, she won't leave you raw and bleeding, but with important lessons to learn or eye-opening takeaways. I highly recommend this book. It might just help you confront your own deep-seated trauma and find ways to heal. It's also the reason I find Garland's decision to break the silence about her addiction heroic.

Disclaimer: I received an advance copy of this book from the publisher. This is my honest and impartial review.