Uncommon Marriage: What We've Learned about Lasting Love and Overcoming Life's Obstacles Together

by Tony Dungy, Lauren Dungy, Nathan Whitaker (Contributor)

What does it take to build a marriage that will last? Tony and Lauren Dungy have together known the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. They fell in love, built a family, and made sports history when Tony became the first African American head coach to win the Super Bowl. Yet they’ve also gone through difficult, relationship-testing setbacks, including job loss and devastating personal tragedy. In a culture where it seems harder and harder to make marriage last, what has kept the Dungys strong through it all? In Uncommon Marriage , Tony and Lauren share the secrets that hold them together, revealing what they’ve learned so far about being a good husband or wife; getting through times of loss, grief, or change; staying connected despite busy schedules; supporting each other’s dreams and goals; and helping each other grow spiritually. They offer encouragement and practical advice to equip your marriage to survive tough issues and flourish with joy, purpose, and partnership―in other words, to be a marriage that is truly uncommon.

Genres: Marriage, Nonfiction, Christian, Relationships, Self Help, Audiobook, Religion

262 pages, Hardcover

First published February 4, 2014

About the author

Tony Dungy is a #1 New York Times bestselling author whose books include Quiet Strength, Uncommon,The Mentor Leader and Uncommon Marriage. He led the Indianapolis Colts to Super Bowl victory on February 4, 2007, the first such win for an African American head coach. Dungy established another NFL first by becoming the first head coach to lead his teams to the playoffs for ten consecutive years.

Dungy joined the Colts in 2002 after serving as the most successful head coach in Tampa Bay Buccaneers' history. He has also held assistant coaching positions with the University of Minnesota, Pittsburgh Steelers, Kansas City Chiefs, and Minnesota Vikings. Before becoming a coach, Dungy played three seasons in the NFL.

Dungy has been involved in a wide variety of charitable organizations, including All Pro Dad, Abe Brown Ministries, Fellowship of Christian Athletes, Athletes in Action, Mentors for Life, Big Brothers Big Sisters, and Boys & Girls Clubs. He also works with Basket of Hope, Impact for Living, the Black Coaches Association National Convention, Indiana Black Expo, the United Way of Central Indiana, and the American Diabetes Association.

He retired from coaching in 2009 and now serves as a studio analyst for NBC's Football Night in America. He and his wife, Lauren, are the parents of ten children.

Connect with Tony at his website (www.coachdungy.com, his blog,Facebook, and Twitter,

Reviews

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Though I usually don’t read books like Uncommon Marriage because I am not married or planning to marry, I did find a lot of informative points in this book. The author teaches his readers using amusing stories from his own marriage to explain how couples can make their marriages meaningful and strong. I really liked how he seemed to make a correlation between putting God first and how it made his marriage and faith stronger. The author shares many personal stories on how God helped his marriage not only through the good times but also the rough ones. The author is very honest when he says that marriages are not easy and every couple will go through storms but if they are committed to God and making their marriage work, then it will make the difference in how strong the marriage is. I enjoyed this book so much I gave it to my brother to read in case he and his girlfriend ever decide to get married. I also recommend this book to all newlyweds and those who are engaged because reading it just might make a difference.

[Bridget · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was beautifully refreshing and a wonderful example of God's love and purpose and blessed design for marriage. The biblical principals reach beyond marriage and it was just a well told true story of two people who love God. I would highly recommend this book!

[Karla Osorno · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rating 4.75 stars.

Tony and Lauren Dungy are committed to God, each other, and their large family. In this memoir, they share their marriage story telling of their courtship and the highs/lows of life. Alternating between Tony and Lauren’s voice they walk through their lives together chronologically. Tony’s responsibilities as a coach and leader (plus celebrity) meant many moments of being away from home, impacting the family. Lauren’s faith and strength plus her heart for people including through fostering and adoption is on display throughout. I loved reading their story and learning from their example. They are vulnerable and real about struggles and their dependence on God. I appreciate that the tone of the book was not preachy, yet honor to God was on every page. The appendix with scripture, advice, and references to their story is a perfect resource. I recommend this for married couples to enjoy and discuss. It is a great springboard for discussion about your own marriage.

[Jay Bryant · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this one. They lean on God and trust his ways even when it's not the easy thing to do. They offer many insights and common sense ideas on how to have an Uncommon Marriage that keeps God at the center of it all.

[Cassie O'Neal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book. Enjoyable and moving stories of the Dungy’s lives. Main takeaway: pray together. Pray before major decisions. Pray always.

[Debra Brinkman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't think I'd like this book. I have no clue who the Dungy's are, except that he was a football player and coach and I was pretty sure he had taken some team or another to the Superbowl. A self-help book on marriage is NOT on my list of books I want to read.

Truly, the only reason I read it is because it is part of Tyndale's Summer Reading Program and my library had it available to check out as a Kindle book. I'm glad I did.

This isn't a self-help book. It is more of a co-biography of this couple, from the time right before they met until the present.

I did find them engaging and interesting. I especially loved when they were living in Eden Prairie, MN while he was coaching for the Vikings. (And I guess that is why I vaguely knew the name!) They moved to Eden Prairie while we were living there, and I laughed out loud when Lauren was talking about hearing about "last year's" Halloween Blizzard. I've got stories about that blizzard.

I think what I liked best was reading about some of the difficult events they've been through, and hearing the event from both of them. The book alternates between Lauren and Tony, sometimes talking about different things, and sometimes talking about the same thing from their different points of view.

It was also fascinating to read about their adoptions, and I wished there had been a bit more about dealing with the loss of their adult son.

Another aspect I found really fascinating was them talking about "giving back" to their communities, and how they decide what to be involved in. It was interesting to watch that grow, especially as they aged... they went from being the young couple at church who benefited from older couples/families, to a bit more of socializing/engaging other couples and young families, to being the "older" couple who was reaching out to younger couples and families. Not just within the church, but with the various teams Tony was coaching. It made me wish that we had been attending church down in Eden Prairie, particularly the church they found. I think it would have been amazing as a just-married couple to have rubbed shoulders with them.

But my church at the time, up in Roseville, was pretty great too.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had expected to like the book, but I think I was surprised at just how much I liked it, and how much some of the Dungy's experiences spoke to me. Our church is doing a Bible study based on this book, and I was on the fence about that (I didn't do it), and on the fence in general about reading it. I didn't want a self-help book. But I read a few reviews that said it's more of an autobiography of their marriage, so that sounded more palatable. I enjoyed the casual, conversational style, and I liked how it alternated perspectives between Tony and Lauren. From when they started dating in 1981 through now, they have definitely gone through a lot of good and bad times together.

While telling their story, they did include scriptural references. They also talked about what has or hasn't worked for them at times, and share advice that they like to give newlywed couples. The Dungys seem like a very down-to-earth family that is easy to relate to. It is nice to see that even famous NFL coaches sometimes struggle with the same communication and understanding issues that regular husbands and wives do!

The end of the book includes a section with what they called their playbook for an uncommon marriage. It has 8 main categories to focus on. Each categories has a few bullet points supporting it, as well as scripture references, and references to pages in the book where they addressed this issue (i.e. not being on the same page on a parenting issue). I think I need to make a copy of that before I return this to the library!!!

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been reading a lot of marriage memoirs this year, and so far this is one of the best ones I've read. I really didn't think I had much in common with the Dungys, but it took only a few chapters to completely relate with their family dynamics. My husband is not an NFL coach, but he works the same crazy hours, travels all the time, and his current career path has been somewhat challenging for our marriage. But the more my marriage evolves, the more I realize we must have a proactive plan to thrive in this kind of "absent spouse" environment. This book offers encouragement for exactly this type of situation, and I take great hope my marriage can grow even stronger because of our circumstances.

The Dungys have some great practical biblical advice on marriage in general, and they have a very compelling personal story. They've experienced great sorrow and great joy, and I've always wondered about the more personal side of their story beyond their public response. This is a quick read and you won't regret spending some time soaking up their wisdom. By coincidence, they are guests on Focus on the Family today (5/5/14) and tomorrow. I enjoyed hearing them talking about their story and relating some of the advice in this book.

[Mark · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an excellent book!! I have been a huge Tony Dungy fan back to his days coaching days & have every adult book that he has put out (I will be picking up the children's books for my kids soon). It was great to have him joined by his wife Lauren for this book & get both of their takes on things that have gone on during their life journey together. This is a great read for both married & single people that are football fans or not. It was neat to see how they handled things as a team instead & how God guided them to where they are today.

I was lucky enough to win this book through the Tyndale Summer Reading program which is an extension of the Tyndale Rewards program. With the Tyndale Rewards program you receive points for submitting reviews on Tyndale books & you can cash your points in on free books. If you are interested in joining the program follow the link below & you will automatically start out with 25 points & by the time you complete a few of the joining surveys you will have enough points to get this book or one of the many others offered for free!!

www.tyndalerewards.com/signup/?pc=8bb...

[Jeff Bobin · Rating 5 out of 5]

One word to describe this book would be Uncommon!

I have read dozens if not hundreds of books on marriage and relationships over the years and this book is very different than all of them. It is a love story written by the two main characters by alternating as they tell the story of their love and marriage.

I would recommend you start by turning to the appendix in the back and reading through a few pages of what they believe is the foundation of their marriage relationship. Then go back to the beginning and as you read see how those foundations were developed and lived out.

While this is written by a former NFL player and coach, current TV commentator, and his wife you will be drawn into the story by the way they open themselves up and are vulnerable in a part of their lives that many of us never even think about.

For those of us in leadership there are many excellent insights on building a great marriage.

I have put this on my must read list for anyone that is married or in a leadership position with people that are.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read books before that talks of interaction in marriages, but this one really makes it real. I like how it is written with both of them discussing their view of what happen in each event and how they use the various events in their lives to strengthen their relationship as husband and wife. This support of each other and not just focus on "self" seems to be the key to their lasting marriage which have them as friends who love each other and respect the views and opinions of each other. This is a great roadmap for young couples to read especially those who have jobs where one or the other is away from home for lenghts of time with their employment. How the person who is home dealing with all of the days responsibility keep the relationship balanced by keeping the other in touch and allowing the person who's job cause them to travel to return seamlessly back into the home. I love how they took time for themselves being alone just the two of them away from the home envroment. I just thought it was wonderful.

[Louise Pearson · Rating 5 out of 5]

wonderful inspirational book about an African American couple with nine children (some adopted) and three dogs who live in the spotlight of NFL football since Tony is a great coach. He became the first head coach to lead his teams to the playoffs for ten consecutive years. Lauren stressed relationships and encouraged the children to spend time with their grandparents. She herself also spent time encouraging the wives of the other coaches for the team by inviting them to her house for coffee. As a Mom she also established time for homework, praying together and bedtime routines. She made a point of finding things they all could enjoy. Church was also an important part of their lives as well. It wasn’t easy when Tony changed the teams he was coaching which meant they had to move, find another house, enter another school, and make all new friends. One son committed suicide which was so painful for them. But whenever there was a decision to make or a problem to face, they prayed to God and felt His presence holding them up and leading them forward.

[Kasia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm a big football fan and Tony Dungy was my team's coach so I was very familiar with part of his story. I've always admired how calm, collected and kind he is. It's what drew me to this book.

This book is a wonderful example on how to deal with the ups and downs of a long and happy marriage. Tony and Lauren take turns takingthe reader through their thirty year marriage chronologically and the lessons are spread out throughout this narrative. So there is no "do this" and "don't do that" in this book - instead it's a wonderful walk through their memories and the lessons they've learned together.

Although I'm not particularly religious (and warning: both Tony and Lauren are very connected to God and rely on prayer to help them through virtually everything in their lives) I found that you can still draw a lot of wonderful messages on how to have a good marriage even if you do not look to God to help you through.
Highly recommend this to anyone looking to strengthen the bond with their spouse or partner. Thank you Dungys for sharing your story with us.

[Ellen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love Tony Dungy and have read other books he's written. Because of that I was interested to see where they were going to go with this and what kind of wisdom they could teach. I'm glad I didn't have my expectations up too high. Though it was interesting learning about the chronology of their 30 years together I don't think I learned anything more than what I already know about marriage. I think they had and created a lot of trying obstacles for their relationship as most of us have done. The "Uncommon" part was how they handled everything with faith, patience, acceptance of their differences, making dedicated time for each other and working as a team engaging both of their strengths and weaknesses. Although enjoyable, there weren't any "ah-ha" moments. Glad I bought it with a coupon and on audiobook (Tony and Lauren read the book) because I'm afraid I'd be falling asleep reading it. As someone who's been married and divorced twice, good for them!

[Terri Odegaard · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent read!

I read this book with my wife while I am deployed in Iraq. We have seen many situations that we can totally relate to and others that we have learned from. As a Soldier, my family has experienced many of the sudden lifestyle changes the Dungy's experienced during their time in the NFL, frequent moves that uproot our families from the stability they come to know. I wish I had read this book earlier in my career, I feel that it could have helped with some of the more difficult transitions. Tony and Lauren have modeled what it takes to have a special marriage that not only brings them closer to each other, but also closer to God. As I read this book it is clear to me that their faith and trust is in the Lord, and that is how they have persevered the challenges they have faced . The title refers to an uncommon marriage, one grounded in the Lord and family. Take the time to read the book, this type of marriage should not be uncommon.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this for book club and at first I thought ugh, who picked a self-help book for book club…I think I’ll skip this month. Then I saw that it was written by the Dungy’s and I am a football person so I thought why not? I already knew a lot about Tony’s career and even some of their personal life…you know, the public parts, but I thought it could be interesting to look behind the curtain a little bit. I liked reading about the football parts, and I grew to like the Dungy’s as people, but the marriage stuff gets pretty repetitive. They have a hard choice to make, they pray, they take a walk, they adopt a kid, and repeat. It wasn’t brilliantly written and it does get old, but I do respect these people as human beings. They are God-centered, family first, not covered in celebrity glitter, real people, so 3 stars for that.

[Diana · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received this book through a giveaway with no requirement to review. However, since I enjoyed reading it I thought I would write a review for it. The copy I was sent came with an extra book that had a bible study to go along with what the couple talked about in their biography of their marriage. The book while discussing the ups and downs with their married life is also religion based since they feel that part of their staying power comes from their faith in God. While I'm not a Christian myself, I have to admit that many of their stories struck a chord with me, especially with 15 years of marriage under my belt. I do suggest this book, especially if you're going through a rough patch as a couple, it lets you know you're not alone. If you are a Christian, I highly suggest getting the bible study that goes along with it.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book shouldn't illustrate an uncommon marriage

This book is not a book on marital advice (what I expected), instead its basically a joint autobiography of Tony and Lauren Dungy starting from when they met up to present times. It's more of a lead-by-example book on marriage than a book of "this is what makes marriage work". It was interesting enough, and they definitely do include some good reminders and tips about being a team. After reading this book I'm really sad that what they described is considered "uncommon" today, but it is...but it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be uncommon to be married strong for 30 years. My prayer is that this book helps make "uncommon marriage" a little more common.

[Kris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! I enjoyed reading this book even though I’m not a real sports fan. It alternated between Lauren’s story and Tony’s story. They detail the high’s and the lows of their marriage as well as things that helped them bond closer together – like taking walks together and having dates and talking on the phone when they had to be apart. Not only does the reader learn about the football coach’s world and the long hours, but also about how their family changed through births, adoptions and death. Tony Dungy came to national prominence when his Indiana Colts won the 2007 Super Bowl – this book tells about the man and his family and their desire to live godly lives – before, during and after the Super Bowl. I recommend this book!

[LaKeshaRenee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recently read Uncommon Marriage by Tony and Lauren Dungy. It was an inside look at the principles they have set in place to make their marriage work. They both had a great Christian foundation and while it's not always been an easy road they have both been committed to prayer and communication. I admire their story and encourage you to read it. What I liked most about this book is that they both were able to refer to situtions within their marriage from their perspective. Often times their perspectives differed and they were able to find common ground to make things work, even during difficult times. At the end of the book they discuss: The Core Principles of an Uncommon Marriage, which include bible verses.

[Jen Selinsky · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Uncommon Marriage" explores the marriage of Tony and Lauren Dungy. Tony was a renowned NFL coach who led the Indianapolis Colts to a Superbowl victory in 2007. He enjoyed working with the team until his retirement in 2009. As Tony and Lauren explore their thirty-year marriage, they relay the important events which have shaped their lives. Their faith plays an important role, as the couple has strengthened their bond and grown to love one another more each day. "Uncommon Marriage," through its use of good examples, teaches couples about the importance of establishing a strong foundation together.

[April · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book offers marriage advice in narrative form, as the Dungy's tell their love story. This love story includes trials, joys, obstacles, and more and covers thirty or more years. This book helped me understand more about the things professional athletes and coaches and their wives go through. It provided countless and excellent examples of what married couples encounter. I found it inspiring and uplifting and would recommend it to all. It does get into quite a bit of detail about sports, so those who love sports will like this book even more!

[Desiree Watson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book details the life of football coach Tony Dungy and his wife Lauren. They go through some changes when Tony is moved from team to team throughout his football coaching years. He finally lands with the Colts, where he takes the team to a Super Bowl win. Throughout it all, his lovely wife Lauren is right there by his side. The most important thing they show in this book is how everything they go through, any decisions they need to make, before they do anything, they pray and take it to God. This book was very inspirational. Real Black love looks like this. Read: May 2014

[Don Hobbs · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read all of Tony Dungy's books so I am very familiar with his career so a lot of this information was not new to me. But I have never read or heard anything from Lauren's perspective. That was the most fascinating part of this book. How they dealt with conflict and expectations was the most interesting part of the book. They definitely have made God the center of their relationship. I have read other books where the husband and wife give you a 'Ken and Barbie' impression of their marriage. This is definitely not that. A good book to be read together.

[Felita · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has come across our circulation desk since last year. I never checked it out, until last week. When I first put the desk in, I wasn't sure I would finish it, because of the readers. I made it through all five discs in a few days.
Just like the Dungy's it was my time and season to listen to this book. What a beautiful life they've lived. Yes, they've experienced tragedies, but it didn't break them. They remind us, how we should have a prayer life with God, individually and as a couple.

[S Dean · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Dungy's are an amazing and beautiful couple! They very eloquently shared the triumphs and trials of their 30 years of marriage and how God blessed them with success and undergird them in seasons of pain and challenge. I think if I had any critique at all it would be to share the list of eight at the beginning or match them up with different chapters throughout the book and still recap at the end... Either way it's a beautiful love story and an example of Godly relationships and marriage! Well done Coach and Mrs.!

[Denise · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not quite the "marriage" book I had expected, but inspiring nonetheless. This is the story of the Dungy's relationship over 30 some years told in their alternating voices. They emphasized the practices that kept their relationship strong and how they followed God's leading as a family. Every couple should have a few Tony and Lauren's as an example and this book is the next best thing to friends like that.

In a personal season where our career choices don't make sense to most, it was encouraging to read about Tony's commitment to family even when it didn't jive with football culture.

[Alissa Faust · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was intrigued by the title and realized that I am clearly not into sports as I had never heard of this obviously well known couple. It is sad that it is title "Uncommon Marriage" and the whole book focuses on their strong marriage because of their relationship together with God. Its really too bad that more marriages can't be like that. I appreciated the missionary opportunity this couple took to speak openly about God and the need for steadfast marriages in this day and age.

[Randy Elster · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book primarily to see if it would make a good study resource for a small group, and I have to say that, no, it does not. It reads like a really long Christmas newsletter. We did this, then we did that, then this happened. It is not particularly good at being a marriage resource. Having said that, if you like hearing how other people live and navigate their marriage, you might enjoy this book.

[Kristen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was another book that I would highly recommend to anyone; married, single, dating, or engaged. This book starts with how Tony and Lauren met chronicles the highs and lows of their marriage. I loved this book because it was mainly a book about how two imperfect people have managed to stay married in the world we live in today where divorce is more common than not. Such an excellent read!