**Many thanks to NetGalley, St. Martin's Press-Minotaur, and Jenny Hollander for an ARC of this book! Now available as of 2.6!!**
You've heard of White Christmas...Green Christmas...but have you ever heard of SCARLET Christmas?
Charlie Colbert's here to tell you about it. Well...what she can REMEMBER about it, anyway. See, 9 years ago on Christmas Eve, Charlie was attending college at the prestigious Carroll school, surrounded by a group of friends that felt like family, until that one terrible night...where 3 of them died. Charlie fled the scene, making her an immediate suspect, but she somehow manages to escape the law and maintain her innocence, due in large part to a huge gap in her memory.
In our '9 years after the tragic event' present day, Charlie has managed to rebuild her life in a significant way: she's editor in chief at a well-respected magazine C, and she's engaged to Tripp, a handsome richie-rich boy who is set to help keep her safely ensconced in a comfortable life. When the sister of one of the victims of the murders reappears, however, and Charlie discovers she is setting out to make a MOVIE about that awful night...all of the fears and panic has about that night and the gaping holes in her memory come flooding back. Why CAN she only remember such tiny fragments about the timeline of that night? And why does she have a sinking suspicion that SHE might have had something to do with the bloodbath? An once this filmmaker begins digging around...will opening night mean a final curtain call on Charlie's shiny new life?
There's no way around it, so I'll just come out and say it: when by the end of a book, you discover the best thing about it was the TITLE? There's just no way to feel good about that. From the very beginning, it became evident that this was going to be a bit messy and elusive as a read...which in principle isn't a deal breaker for me, especially in a story like this one. The narrator has memory issues: of COURSE we as readers are going to be left in the dark, struggling to put pieces together, make educated guesses, fill in the blanks until we are let in on the secrets somewhere down the line, often AS the main character figures them out.
But there is a difference between purposefully messy and just simply incoherent...and this book too often fell FIRMLY in the second category.
First off, this story is full to bursting with unlikable, rambling characters. I had so much trouble caring about ANY of them, even our MC. They were all so bizarrely written, it felt like an adult trying to hang out with the Gen Z set and using slang words completely out of context...until all the kids stop what they're doing and stare blankly over at them until they shrink back into the corner. We were told over and over again how British Charlie was, although I'm not sure WHAT relevance that had to the plot to be such an important fixture of the story. Everyone constantly brought up everyone else's accents and affects as if none of these college kids had ever seen a person slightly different than themselves before...and it just made the whole thing feel OFF.
On top of this, Charlie's memories are tied to whatever she discovers with her therapist Nori, and when I say I feel sorry for Nori...it's not an understatement. The sessions were almost as painful as the plot in general and twice as pointless. I also couldn't understand how Charlie was able to simply gloss over this high-profile crime and tragedy and move effortlessly into a new life...it's mentioned that her new magazine KNOWS who she is...so as editor-in-chief of a well-known magazine, she was hoping to somehow hide in the background? It really didn't make any sort of sense. Charlie also thinks she has pull with Stephanie, the sister of one of the victims, who is at the helm of the film...and I have no idea why she would think this or why anyone believes her about ANYTHING, frankly.
Of course, once we get to our 'big reveals' at the end all is explained...but in a pseudo-heartwarming way, we are presented with a sort of saccharine ending where I think we are supposed to feel sorry for Charlie (?), followed by almost an ENTIRE chapter, for no reason whatsoever, about her new dog. I'll be honest, when I first started reading this particular chapter, it was a bit unclear it was even ABOUT a dog...I thought I somehow had missed Charlie having a CHILD. 🤦♀️ As grateful as I was for this not to be accurate, it still made me laugh...but at the end of this 'thriller,' I don't think I should have been laughing. We also find out it is Charlie's 35th BIRTHDAY which seems laughable to me...as a 36 year old reader, this character read a lot more like 15 than 35.
Sometimes the cover of a book can feel like a lot like a movie trailer, where sometimes all you get is a couple of quick pictures, a title, and a release date to whet your appetite. If all of the pretense is enough to draw you in, you might buy a ticket, grab your popcorn, and expect a certain level of entertainment to come your way for the next hour or two. But in the case of EWCFMID (yup, it's even long as an acronym!) an attention-grabbing title just couldn't make the steep price of admission worth it.
2.5 stars
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