The Light Changes

by Amy Billone

Poetic memoir about a shocking suicide attempt and an even more astonishing recovery. Starred Kirkus Review, Kirkus Best Books of 2013 and recipient of the IndieReader Discovery Award in Poetry (2014).

Genres: Poetry

78 pages, Paperback

First published June 5, 2013

About the author

AMY BILLONE is a poet and a scholar who has published widely in both creative and academic journals and books. She holds a B.A. in General Studies in the Humanities from the University of Chicago and an M.A. and Ph.D in Comparative Literature from Princeton University. Billone’s recent poetry collection THE LIGHT CHANGES (2013) was listed by Kirkus as one of the Best Books of 2013 and won the IndieReader Discovery Award in Poetry in 2014. This poetic memoir invokes the biographical and creative worlds of Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Sylvia Plath and Virginia Woolf as it opens up pathways toward light even in the most unimaginable darkness of our personal experiences and the times we inhabit today.

Billone is currently an Associate Professor of English at the University of Tennessee where she teaches courses on 19th Century Literature, Children’s and Young Adult Literature and World Literature. Her areas of expertise include Romanticism, Children’s and Young Adult Literature, Victorian Poetry, Gothic Studies, Creative Writing, Women Writers and Continental Poetry. Her scholarly book LITTLE SONGS: WOMEN, SILENCE, AND THE NINETEENTH-CENTURY SONNET (2007) is informed by her unique perspective as a woman poet. As the only extended study of nineteenth-century female sonneteers, LITTLE SONGS sheds light on the overwhelming impact that silence makes, not only on British women’s poetry, but also on the development of modern poetry and thought. She also wrote the Introduction and Notes for the Barnes and Noble Classics edition of PETER PAN (2005). She lives with her two sons in Knoxville, Tennessee.

Reviews

[Steven Buechler · Rating 5 out of 5]

After some 20 odd years in a faltering career in media, I am discovering poetry again. The expressiveness and strength of the words that people use to create this art form surprises me again and again. Recently I received a copy of The Light Changes by Amy Billone and her work has impressed me in ways unimaginable.





Page 13 First Words



The same way at five I stared from the tub

into my father's terrified eyes after he broke

the bathroom door to save me because I hadn't

heard his calls and as he shook my body

to bring me back to life I laughed and told him

I didn't drown, the soap bubbles only filled my ears -

The same way at eight I looked into his gasping face

after he leapt from a moving car because I lay

sprawled on the grass by an upside-down bicycle

and as he lifted me with shaking arms I said I hadn't

fallen but was writing a poem about how the clouds

were really cotton candy - The same way

at sixteen I crashed my car into a street light

and fainted on the hardware store floor, then woke

to see him gazing blankly at me from the doorway

too frightened to remember the name

of my hospital so I said it for him - The same way

in my twenties I regained consciousness

after a six and a half day coma because I jumped

in front of a train I was so surprised to recognize

my pale-cheeked father waiting like a marble statue

by my side when we rarely talked and he lived

in a distant city that I spoke my first words

even thought doctors had said if I survived

I would never recover language: Hi Dad.



There are situations that Billone deals with that may be shocking to many readers but they are thoughts that many people have had. Billone has done a brilliant job in exploring elements of the human condition that exist in the deep recesses of all of us.



Page 14 Grace



I was raped by a speeding train. I asked it to.



I threw myself before it. I extended my legs, arms.

It came when I called it. Oh what enormous



metal thighs. Oh what fast thudding hips. Again



again against my blackening eyes, skull, chest, waist-

I loved its greasy sighs. I loved its wild blows.



My mind flew away. Who pulled me from below?



Who fed me with a tube? Who brought me

sunflowers? Who hummed me lullabies? Who



pardoned me? Who ripped my shame in two?



Billone also deals with situations that may be universal themes for readers. Her writing brings the situation down to a personal level



Page 37 The Gun Salesman Said



So you're here for the first time? You'll be glad

to know that women, after training, strike

the bull's eye more frequently than men. Once,

a lady fired at a life-size picture

of her husband she'd hung from the ceiling.

At last she shot the real guy in the chest

and herself, leaving their two kids behind.

Now I won't let you use detailed targets -

You've got to draw the line somewhere. For you,

I recommend a twenty-two light weight

revolver. Go ahead, fill it up, push

the cylinder in place, step forward, bend

your knee, lean in, cock the gun, draw back, aim.

Keep in mind, if you flinch, I will smack you -

You need to press the trigger slowly - Then

you'll be surprised when the explosion comes.

Remember, if you blink, I will smack you,

I will smack you. That's right. Startle yourself.

Hit it - Surprise! Murder that hanging man -

Surprise! Again, again, with a tranquil

grip, bust open his stupid narrow heart.



The Light Changes by Amy Billone is a strong and vivid collection of poems. Her themes are universal and the subjects she uses are extremely personally. This is a great read.

[Jamie (treesofreverie) McMahon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This review was first published on my book blog, to read the full review please CLICK HERE.

The Light Changes is a captivating collection of poetry that explores life through many aspects. I received my copy of The Light Changes through a First Reads Giveaway on Goodreads.

As there is in life, this book of poetry has a formidable darkness about it. There is hurt and desperation bundled up amongst the attempted suicide that's hurtled at us in the second poem, Grace. But within this darkness, there are glimpses of light: My mind flew away. Who pulled me from below?

The father/daughter relationship present here is what pulls us out of this darkness. It is through this love that the journey continues through life's struggles and hardships. In these words we are emerged in the rediscovering of what the brightness and beauty of life really is.

This connection between parent and child blooms in a wondrous manner through the series of Trimester poems. The unwavering love a mother has for her unborn child is a heart-warming read.

These tastes of darkness gives life and love a blissful glow - poems such as Cupid elaborate on the growth and hope stemmed from darker times such as in Intensive Care. This well-crafted balance of emotions is done wonderfully throughout the book.

The themes explored in The Light Changes are beautifully dealt with in this writing style. It is a very difficult task to write so well about such dark experiences and still capture the reader's heart, and I feel that Billone as done just that in The Light Changes. There is a beauty that flows through this book's dealings with the darkness and the availing hope and that is at the essence of humanity's failings and triumphs. 

The Light Changes is a powerful body of work and its exploration and diversity of emotions wonderfully captures the struggle and brilliance that is often part of life. This is a beautifully written collection of poetry that chills and inspires, the raw emotion in these words is truthfully human.

[Candelin Wahl · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you turn to poems to help make sense of personal or world events, turn to Amy Billone's new book of poetry, The Light Changes. These forty-four poems take us right into the raw and hazy experience of near-death. We feel ourselves in intensive care, clinging to the comfort of a loving father's voice and touch. Then, gradually, the return to the light, to the wider world that replaces such unimaginable darkness. What's remarkable in Billone's book is her breadth of style - from a mere fifteen word triangle poem in "Cupid" to the attempt to grasp an event via the complex laws of physics in "My Father Said," to a meeting of poetic minds in "Elegy for Jack Gilbert (1925-2012)." There is pain, but treated with grace and often, wry humor. When Billone turns outward, she sprays us with Holiday consumerism and international conflict in "Fox News," then offers answers to age-old questions in "In This Age of War:"
"...Who knows the answers to our questions?
Sunlight leaks into growing seas
and fallen leaves from assaulted trees hide
the dreamlike all-protecting garden doors
we would give anything to fit inside."

Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that." From the first to the last, these poems offer hope that any pain can be borne. That thanks to Billone's delicate artistry with language, we can actually witness light being born out of the darkness. The book's gift is that Billone allows us to experience how imperceptibly yet steadily, the light changes.

[Gisela Hausmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I must admit I don’t read poetry often… I am too much of a down-to-Earth person. However, in this world of many empty promises and fake realities (including virtual ones) I am looking for authentic words. “The Light Changes” is such a book.
“First Words” drew me in and they did not let me go.
When Amy Billones writes:

I have a mind that glistensglares
I have a mind that cartwheelsspins
IhaveaIhaveaIhave a mind
that stuttersstumbling
but whirlwinding gathers speed
this mind reachesforyou
wanting ….

it is poetry even I understand.
“The Light Changes” reflects author Amy Billone’s openness… beautiful poetry, which captivates even people like me, who don’t really read poetry.

Gisela Hausmann, author & blogger

[Royce Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I never knew poetry to be so gripping

When I arrived home yesterday, Amy Billone's new book _The Light Changes_ was sitting on my doorstep. I decided that I would read the first poem just to get a feel for it before returning back to work on a paper I was writing. This did not happen. Those "First Words" immediately gripped me as I noticed my heart-rate beginning to quicken. A few hours later I emerged from an amazing emotional journey through language that claws and clings onto light as it works itself through the darkness. Indeed, the Light does Change, but only after a deep and harsh descent with or without the assistance of Virgil.

I have titled this review "I never knew poetry to be so gripping" and I really do mean that. A couple times during my single-sitting reading I looked up from the book and was amazed to find myself reading a book of poetry and not the latest Jo Nesbo Swedish thriller. This is not to say that Billone has simply transported the genre of the suspense novel into poetry. No, this book IS poetry, but it's poetry that is refreshingly modern, and accessible. It is not merely "poetry for poets" so to speak.

Many of the pieces, such as the "The Poet Said" pieces, are sporadic and lack a specific cogency, yet, there is a coherence to Billone's poems AS A BOOK that allows the reader to fill in some of these gaps. For me, the words on the pages became like speckles of light poking through an infinite dark sky. As a reader I clung to these words as I know that Billone herself did during a fascinatingly difficult period of her life.

In an era where we find Creative Writing and Literary Criticism departments raising eyebrows at one another, barely able to have meaningful conversation, Billone has found a way to bring a certain lustre of the Victorian poetry that she loves to a modern audience. Bravo.

[Nina Prieur · Rating 5 out of 5]

I usually don't relate to poetry, but I love fiction, drama, and music. I think this collection resonates so strongly with me because of how it lyrically explores and heightens everyday dialogue, using different forms of speech to tell a story grounded in relationships between father and daughter, teacher and student, poet and reader. Unlike prose, though, this narrative is sung--sometimes faintly, almost imperceptibly, and sometimes in raging, forceful, unquenchable tones.

The confessional style of the writing brings the reader deep inside the poet's psyche, an experience I found at times heart-wrenching and at others ecstatic. My favorite moments, though, were those when the poet's inner worlds collided with echoes of the outside world; news headlines, a conversation on an airplane, a scene from a diner, a lesson at a shooting range all helped to place the writer's interior life within a larger theater of voices, relationships, and world events. I especially appreciated how different poetic styles channeled distinct voices, those of the Father and the Poet coming through most clearly. Scenes emerged within and even between the poems that were at times so vivid I could imagine them performed on stage. It was in these spaces between voices that the shadows began to lift--the light began to change.

[Stacie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book of poetry as a result of a Kirkus sponsored contest and wasn’t quite sure what to expect. What I found on my first read is that the collection of poems in The Light Changes by Amy Billone made me feel like I was on a high speed, 80 foot roller coaster flying through a dark tunnel to daylight.
From the pathologically cyclical imprisonment of
“Oh Dad, my mind is in boxes. My mind is in boxes, my mind is in boxes, my mind” to
“Let the good news in”
Amy Billone brought me on a lyrical, starkly honest journey through despair and into hope.
Haunting, brutal and ultimately triumphant, I was propelled through the speaker’s failed suicide attempt to eventual inner peace with candor, confusion, humor and hope. With unblinking insight and unsympathetic imagery, Billone’s straightforward use of language created an accessible poetic style that allowed me to travel on the speaker's journey from inner turbulence to optimism with her uncompromising clarity.
I found it difficult to articulate the contradictory emotions this book evoked – suffice to say, I love this book of poetry and I think that a lot of people who don’t normally read poetry will find it as moving as I.

[Marion Grassie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads. Big thanks to Amy Billone who very kindly re-sent me my copy when Amazon.com lost the first one.
That being said, the following is my considered review of the book.
Firstly, I loved and was drawn to the cover. It reminded me of an M C Escher print.
I equally loved this book. I am not a regular reader of poetry, nor do I consider myself particularly skilled with words, certainly not to the extent of the author or some of the reviewers here. Despite this, I found myself so completely absorbed in this collection that I had to read it through in one sitting.
Rather than simply reading about the emotions the author has experienced, the reader is made to almost feel them. The writing style depicts random thoughts, feelings and observations. As the mind works in these haphazard patterns, it draws the reader into the author’s place far more than structured sentences or rhyming words ever could.
A heartfelt, moving and compelling collection of work.

[Clive Thompson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Perhaps because I am a reader of prose and trying to get back into poetry after a long break, I failed with this book and emphasise that I failed rather than the book failed.
Call me old fashioned, or possibly plebeian, but I need some soirt of rhyme in poetry - a half rhyme will do or an association between words in opposing lines - anything will do. I didn't find it in this book but again that could be me. Some poems even seemed to me to be straight prose type short stories.

If you are feeling down enough to attempt suicide in a spectacular way and survive then it is probably good therapy to explore why through poetry and to explore past relationships (especially father / daughter) through poetry. Some reviews have said that although their is suicidal despair in the poetry, there is also hope. I failed to find the hope and felt that this would not be a book I would recommend to anyone I knew who was depressed.

I will keep this book on my bookshelf and re-read it in a coupe of years to see if my situation or attitude to Billone's poetry has changed at all.

[Julia Butler · Rating 5 out of 5]

A MASTERPIECE! A MUST READ!!! Amy Billone's bold poetic memoir "The Light Changes" is filled with love, hope and beauty. Her dramatic personal journey is shared with such grace and courage, that you will remember every word and want to read it over and over again. Real, painful, joyful, dark, light, simple, complex, Amy Billone takes us on an emotional rollercoaster of her personal struggles, pains and joys, stripping off her flesh and exposing her heart. My favorite: End of Summer. I keep coming back to it. This is a deep and beutiful poetry book that will truly enrich your life and stay with you forever.

[Rod Mebane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recommend that readers of The Light Changes by Amy Billone spend the extra few dollars to get the audio version of the book, too. In the private reading that you can stage, the book will explode with color and image and sound. The words of The Light Changes are challenging, in so many significant ways. But the voice of the poet at once softens the edges and sharpens the impact. What I find now, a few weeks after having read the book, it is the voice that is staying with me – a delightful and enduring influence that I did not anticipate.

[Dave Donahoe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read as a first reads selection.

This is an excellent collection of poems ranging from the intensely personal, an attempted suicide by train, to the surprisingly commonplace, an ode to Fox News. Billone brings you into some of her darkest rooms and illuminates those things you may not want to see, allows you to feel her pain and share some of the subtleties of her life.

And as the light changes, so is your understanding. And so are you.

[Steven Kirk · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book through the Goodreads First Reads program. While returning home from work one day, I had a box from Amazon sitting on my doorstep and inside was a gift-wrapped copy of this book. Once I started reading it, I didn’t want to stop. The poems are well written and full of emotion from the first to the last. This is a very good book! If you like poetry, you should definitely check this book out.

[Nada Loughead · Rating 4 out of 5]

Won this book - thank you Amy! Quite a dark set of poetry that makes you stop and think of the back stories you hear on the news of attempted suicide. BUT a much needed introspection into the history and turmoil of so many people grappling with many contributing factors. Thanks again Amy!

[Dusty Summerford (Reviews by Reds) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this poetry book through a Goodreads first reads giveaway and I'm grateful I did....
The poetry is beautifully written and tells a story from one to the next. I found it very haunting yet refreshing. Thank you for opening my eyes to a new way to enjoy a story. A must read!!!

[AJ · Rating 4 out of 5]

So I won this giveaway but not for me. My hubby likes poetry so this review is from him. So sorry it is so late.
He loved it. He said it was a good collection of poems and he has his favorites from the book.

[Kathryn Dechairo · Rating 5 out of 5]

The power of Amy's words blew me away. Incredible book that stays with you long after you read it.

[RACHEL · Rating 4 out of 5]

Powerful and captivating poetry
All the harsh beauty of life and death.

My copy came through Goodreads First Reads.

[Allana Kellett · Rating 1 out of 5]

did not like the darkness of this book

[Melissa Cheresnick · Rating 4 out of 5]

BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN POEMS

THOUGHT PROVOKING