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Viridian Saga #1
Awoken
In his house at R’lyeh, great Cthulhu lies dreaming... of her.
What would you do if you discovered you were the only one in the world with the hidden power to keep it from utter annihilation?
What if you had no idea what that power might even be?
Andromeda Slate, the self-proclaimed most ordinary girl in America, can’t figure out why the gorgeous but mysterious new boy at high school seems to hate her so much. It couldn't have anything to do with the strange dream she had the night before he first showed up in class, could it? The dream where the very same boy rescued her from a giant, green, tentacled sea monster?
And it couldn’t have anything to do with that time she read aloud from that ancient tome of eldritch magic, the Necronomicon... could it?
Andi Slate never imagined she’d find herself in a situation where somehow she was the key to saving the world.
Her life is about to get a whole lot less ordinary.
What would you do if you discovered you were the only one in the world with the hidden power to keep it from utter annihilation?
What if you had no idea what that power might even be?
Andromeda Slate, the self-proclaimed most ordinary girl in America, can’t figure out why the gorgeous but mysterious new boy at high school seems to hate her so much. It couldn't have anything to do with the strange dream she had the night before he first showed up in class, could it? The dream where the very same boy rescued her from a giant, green, tentacled sea monster?
And it couldn’t have anything to do with that time she read aloud from that ancient tome of eldritch magic, the Necronomicon... could it?
Andi Slate never imagined she’d find herself in a situation where somehow she was the key to saving the world.
Her life is about to get a whole lot less ordinary.
324 pages, Paperback
First published August 23, 2013
95 people are currently reading
1691 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 246 reviews
September 3, 2013
This is "The Room" of literature. First of all, "You're tearing me apart!" is literally a line in this book, though it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of some of the truly awful and/or bizarre lines of dialogue in this work.
Second of all, this book is bad. I mean, really, really bad. In fact, I don't think I recall reading anything remotely close to being this bad ever before in my life.
Why, then, the 5 star review? Because very much like the Room, this book is completely bat-shit insane and hilarious. Really, the bat-shit crazy premise and the reviews are what caught my attention in the first place, because it is otherwise just your typical Twilight knock-off with a bland, uninteresting female premise with all the fake problems and insecurities in the world, who becomes involved with dark, mysterious, handsome, dashing, supernatural, otherworldly psychopath in a relationship that treads really close to abusive. In the case of "Awoken", it undoubtedly does cross that line, which Twilight only danced around. The only difference is that the ethereal psycho in this case is the Elder God Cthullu. Yes, you read that correctly.It was only 5 bucks on Kindle, not significantly more than it cost to watch Twilight on Rifftrax, so I thought "Sure, why the hell not?"
Let's start with Andromeda "Andi" Slate (yes, really)- She hates her life because he has pail skin and grey eyes. Yes, really. Her parent work at a local university teaching Marine Biology, a subject also taught at the local high school which Andi attends (just go with it). She had "best friend" "like a brother" "did I mention he is my best friend?" named Vik (queue obligatory love triangle for later) and another genuinely awesome and smart friend named Bree, who happens to be overweight, which the author feels the need to keep reminding you of by having her eat large quantities of food everytime you forget. They are both genuinely good friends who try to give Andi real advice and emotional support whenever she is down, unlike her Eldritch squeeze. So naturally she's a bitch to them. Oh, and despite the fact that here parents are marine biologists and she's lived in beach town all her life, she has an irrational fear of water because she fell off a boat when she went to go see whales once. That is her repressed childhood memory that has scarred her for life. Yes, really.
The "plot" (kind of) begins when Andi, Bree and Vik read from the Necronimican, which belong to Vik's parents, who are archeologists of Cthulhu mythology because why the hell not. So Cthulhu shows up as hot guy. He stalks Andi for a bit, makes a guy go insane for trying to get her to swim, tells Andi she "disgraced" herself after she almost got raped by a black guy and a Hispanic guy (did I mention this book is racist?), kidnaps her and binds her, and calls her thinks like "puny" "insignificant" "diminutive" and "itty bitty". So naturally, she falls head over heels in love with him. They go on a date to New York, and spend the night at the Plaza Hotel after they parked their car at the Plaza Hotel parking lot (yes, really). Oh, and they go see Phantom of the Opera, because there is an oh-so-subtle Phantom theme throughout this whole thing. He also dumps her at some point "to protect her", which makes for some great lines where he call her his usual variations of the phrase "insignificant mortal" and tells her she cannot comprehend reality and the cosmos and the unbearable lightness of being-blah, blah, blah- because she is a microscopic ant, and follows this with lines like "that is why I cannot go out with you" and "that is why I cannot take you to the Pumpkin Ball". The Great Cthulhu, everyone. As he leaves her, he warns her to "consume not the Tylenol in excess". Spoiler, they end up together again in the end.
Another character is the villian/substitute Marine Biology teacher, Scarlett Epistola (yes, really) who has been so utterly scorned before in her life, so she wants to scorn others and unleash a scorn apocalypse on the world. Did I mention she is scorned? The author is incredible vague what she means by scorned, but both author and Andi are always quick to point out how much she looks, acts, and dresses like a slattern/trollop/harlot/succubus/harpy. I'm not sure, but I think an auburn-haired woman named Scarlett once pissed off the author. This character definitely provides some of the best, laugh-out-loud moments in the book. This includes the climax, which involved this character prancing around dressed like a "video game trollop" (yes, that really the term used, although from the description, it sounds more like she came right off a Rocky Horror set)while making catty remarks at Andi, most of them involving scorn, while Andi retorts by calling her a "street woman". This all happens during impending apocalypse, btw. She also literally calls her minions "Minions".
And amidst all this bat-shit craziness is the character of Niel, a truly, genuinely, unironically awesome character who seems WAYYYYY out of place in this type of novel. So naturally, he is given as little presence in the novel as possible.
Long story short, Andi, the heroine, bravely stops the end of the world not because she actually does anything substantial, but because she makes Cthulhu falls in love with her. Yes really.
Final verdict: This is so delightfully, awesomely terrible. It really is like the literary version of those "so-bad-its-good" movies like Showgirls, The Room, Plan 9 from Outer Space, etc. There is also definitely a David Lynch Twin Peaks-esque element to it in that on the surface it appears to be pretty straight-forward and corny-just your typical, modern YA Romance- but underneath the surface it's just waiting to devolve into complete insanity. Honestly, I suspect it may even be a joke. It definitely seems to border on self-parody at several points. Then again, there are some genuinely bizarre people out there. Either way, it's brilliant.
Second of all, this book is bad. I mean, really, really bad. In fact, I don't think I recall reading anything remotely close to being this bad ever before in my life.
Why, then, the 5 star review? Because very much like the Room, this book is completely bat-shit insane and hilarious. Really, the bat-shit crazy premise and the reviews are what caught my attention in the first place, because it is otherwise just your typical Twilight knock-off with a bland, uninteresting female premise with all the fake problems and insecurities in the world, who becomes involved with dark, mysterious, handsome, dashing, supernatural, otherworldly psychopath in a relationship that treads really close to abusive. In the case of "Awoken", it undoubtedly does cross that line, which Twilight only danced around. The only difference is that the ethereal psycho in this case is the Elder God Cthullu. Yes, you read that correctly.It was only 5 bucks on Kindle, not significantly more than it cost to watch Twilight on Rifftrax, so I thought "Sure, why the hell not?"
Let's start with Andromeda "Andi" Slate (yes, really)- She hates her life because he has pail skin and grey eyes. Yes, really. Her parent work at a local university teaching Marine Biology, a subject also taught at the local high school which Andi attends (just go with it). She had "best friend" "like a brother" "did I mention he is my best friend?" named Vik (queue obligatory love triangle for later) and another genuinely awesome and smart friend named Bree, who happens to be overweight, which the author feels the need to keep reminding you of by having her eat large quantities of food everytime you forget. They are both genuinely good friends who try to give Andi real advice and emotional support whenever she is down, unlike her Eldritch squeeze. So naturally she's a bitch to them. Oh, and despite the fact that here parents are marine biologists and she's lived in beach town all her life, she has an irrational fear of water because she fell off a boat when she went to go see whales once. That is her repressed childhood memory that has scarred her for life. Yes, really.
The "plot" (kind of) begins when Andi, Bree and Vik read from the Necronimican, which belong to Vik's parents, who are archeologists of Cthulhu mythology because why the hell not. So Cthulhu shows up as hot guy. He stalks Andi for a bit, makes a guy go insane for trying to get her to swim, tells Andi she "disgraced" herself after she almost got raped by a black guy and a Hispanic guy (did I mention this book is racist?), kidnaps her and binds her, and calls her thinks like "puny" "insignificant" "diminutive" and "itty bitty". So naturally, she falls head over heels in love with him. They go on a date to New York, and spend the night at the Plaza Hotel after they parked their car at the Plaza Hotel parking lot (yes, really). Oh, and they go see Phantom of the Opera, because there is an oh-so-subtle Phantom theme throughout this whole thing. He also dumps her at some point "to protect her", which makes for some great lines where he call her his usual variations of the phrase "insignificant mortal" and tells her she cannot comprehend reality and the cosmos and the unbearable lightness of being-blah, blah, blah- because she is a microscopic ant, and follows this with lines like "that is why I cannot go out with you" and "that is why I cannot take you to the Pumpkin Ball". The Great Cthulhu, everyone. As he leaves her, he warns her to "consume not the Tylenol in excess". Spoiler, they end up together again in the end.
Another character is the villian/substitute Marine Biology teacher, Scarlett Epistola (yes, really) who has been so utterly scorned before in her life, so she wants to scorn others and unleash a scorn apocalypse on the world. Did I mention she is scorned? The author is incredible vague what she means by scorned, but both author and Andi are always quick to point out how much she looks, acts, and dresses like a slattern/trollop/harlot/succubus/harpy. I'm not sure, but I think an auburn-haired woman named Scarlett once pissed off the author. This character definitely provides some of the best, laugh-out-loud moments in the book. This includes the climax, which involved this character prancing around dressed like a "video game trollop" (yes, that really the term used, although from the description, it sounds more like she came right off a Rocky Horror set)while making catty remarks at Andi, most of them involving scorn, while Andi retorts by calling her a "street woman". This all happens during impending apocalypse, btw. She also literally calls her minions "Minions".
And amidst all this bat-shit craziness is the character of Niel, a truly, genuinely, unironically awesome character who seems WAYYYYY out of place in this type of novel. So naturally, he is given as little presence in the novel as possible.
Long story short, Andi, the heroine, bravely stops the end of the world not because she actually does anything substantial, but because she makes Cthulhu falls in love with her. Yes really.
Final verdict: This is so delightfully, awesomely terrible. It really is like the literary version of those "so-bad-its-good" movies like Showgirls, The Room, Plan 9 from Outer Space, etc. There is also definitely a David Lynch Twin Peaks-esque element to it in that on the surface it appears to be pretty straight-forward and corny-just your typical, modern YA Romance- but underneath the surface it's just waiting to devolve into complete insanity. Honestly, I suspect it may even be a joke. It definitely seems to border on self-parody at several points. Then again, there are some genuinely bizarre people out there. Either way, it's brilliant.
July 30, 2013
May the bridge of the Lamb fall upon you!
November 6, 2013
This book is full of awful, awful characters, horrifying ethnic stereotypes, godawful writing, skeevy-as-fuck victim-blaming, rape-culture bullshit, internalized misogyny, and probably the second-worst fucking relationship in YA, after Patch and Nora.
And it was
...that sounds worse than I thought it would. WAIT LET ME EXPLAIN.
Our heroine is Andi and oh-my-fucking-god this chick. This chick. I don't wanna say she's the "real monster here", because Cthulu, man, fuck that guy, but Andi is pretty awful. She starts out normally enough I guess, with just your standard Sad Upper-Middle-Class White Girl complex, angsting about how bad her life is because she had to move, even though her best friend moved with her, and she has happy loving parents, and a decent school life, BUT WOE IS HER, the town is so boring, her existence is meaningless, yadda yadda.
Then Riley shows up and of course she ~knows him from a dream~, and he's a dick to her, and they don't even talk civilly once, so naturally, it's a straight shot for both to Obsession City.
The relationship between Riley and Andi is about as depressing as you'd expect, the power balances having been slid allllll the way to the end of their respective scales. Riley is overtly menacing, controlling, and possessive. Those are literally the only traits he displays. He's incapable of not being condescending, even when he's trying to be romantic, and he almost never addresses Andi as anything other than "[insert synonym for "small" or "unimportant" here] one". I'm gonna say that like 95% of his lines were straight-up non-sugarcoated orders directed at Andi, and the other 5% were orders directed at other people, or exposition. All 100% was(were?) in flawless Ye Olde Formal Speake.
He totally talks like that for the entire book.
He's also an unabashed murderer who solves most of his problems by driving people insane and then eating them. Cuz Cthulu.
For her part in the relationship, Andi took the Bella/Kate "cripplingly co-dependent" option, with tasty swirls of "relentless dismissal of self-worth" and "blind obedience". Most of her interactions with Riley (positive or not) left her berating herself for her unworthiness, or concocting increasingly elaborate scenarios for his continued presence in her life, because he couldn't possibly be interested in a boring, plain, mundane girl like her.
And it's at this point that I realize that this all probably sounds far more disturbing than funny...
Read full review at You're Killing.Us
And it was
...that sounds worse than I thought it would. WAIT LET ME EXPLAIN.
Our heroine is Andi and oh-my-fucking-god this chick. This chick. I don't wanna say she's the "real monster here", because Cthulu, man, fuck that guy, but Andi is pretty awful. She starts out normally enough I guess, with just your standard Sad Upper-Middle-Class White Girl complex, angsting about how bad her life is because she had to move, even though her best friend moved with her, and she has happy loving parents, and a decent school life, BUT WOE IS HER, the town is so boring, her existence is meaningless, yadda yadda.
I stared up at the ancient white wooden beams above me— my parents had been so excited to renovate this old ship maker’s house when we moved in two years ago. They left the ceiling beams exposed because they said it gave the house character.
Personality. Depth.
“This house has more meaning than my life,” I groaned aloud.
Then Riley shows up and of course she ~knows him from a dream~, and he's a dick to her, and they don't even talk civilly once, so naturally, it's a straight shot for both to Obsession City.
After he’d been so weird and smug and then downright threatening, why couldn’t I just be relieved that he wasn’t at school anymore to give me that smoldering look of disdain he had reserved special for me?
The relationship between Riley and Andi is about as depressing as you'd expect, the power balances having been slid allllll the way to the end of their respective scales. Riley is overtly menacing, controlling, and possessive. Those are literally the only traits he displays. He's incapable of not being condescending, even when he's trying to be romantic, and he almost never addresses Andi as anything other than "[insert synonym for "small" or "unimportant" here] one". I'm gonna say that like 95% of his lines were straight-up non-sugarcoated orders directed at Andi, and the other 5% were orders directed at other people, or exposition. All 100% was(were?) in flawless Ye Olde Formal Speake.
“When we met in the realm of dreams, our destinies became entwined irrevocably. Thus do I hereby anoint you as my sacred charge and accept you as my burden, my albatross. I shall protect you always, for you are small and weak. And I am greater than you.”
He totally talks like that for the entire book.
He's also an unabashed murderer who solves most of his problems by driving people insane and then eating them. Cuz Cthulu.
For her part in the relationship, Andi took the Bella/Kate "cripplingly co-dependent" option, with tasty swirls of "relentless dismissal of self-worth" and "blind obedience". Most of her interactions with Riley (positive or not) left her berating herself for her unworthiness, or concocting increasingly elaborate scenarios for his continued presence in her life, because he couldn't possibly be interested in a boring, plain, mundane girl like her.
No! No. I would not cry. Not anymore. I was not worthy to cry over him. The mere fact that I dared to even entertain the notion that he might have even considered staying was an insult to him!
And it's at this point that I realize that this all probably sounds far more disturbing than funny...
Read full review at You're Killing.Us
April 6, 2014
Not just the greatest book in history, the greatest thing that has ever happened to humanity. Ever. Even better than Bagel Bites or the iPhone.
August 15, 2013
)(-E )(-E )(-E )(-E! I looooooooooved t)(is book! Riley is so hot unlike -Edward Cullen. )(e is suc)( an ass)(at unlike Riley <3 <3 <3 <3. )(e )(as suc)( Fat)(oms of Depth and dimensions. and layers to )(im. I don't like Andromeda s)(e is suc)( a cold fis)( (no fis)( pun intended). I loooooooooove Riley <3 I would s)(are a filial pail wit)( Riley any day.
I AM SO -EXCIT-ED! W)(en the book is on -EBook.
RILEY <3 FEFERI, FOR-EV-ER!
Glub glub glub glub glub glub glub! keep up t)(e great work Serra Elinsen Glub glub glub! 38)
I AM SO -EXCIT-ED! W)(en the book is on -EBook.
RILEY <3 FEFERI, FOR-EV-ER!
Glub glub glub glub glub glub glub! keep up t)(e great work Serra Elinsen Glub glub glub! 38)
September 3, 2013
This is "The Room" of literature. First of all, "You're tearing me apart!" is literally a line in this book, though it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of some of the truly awful and/or bizarre lines of dialogue in this work.
Second of all, this book is bad. I mean, really, really bad. In fact, I don't think I recall reading anything remotely close to being this bad ever before in my life.
Why, then, the 5 star review? Because very much like the Room, this book is completely bat-shit insane and hilarious. Really, the bat-shit crazy premise and the reviews are what caught my attention in the first place, because it is otherwise just your typical Twilight knock-off with a bland, uninteresting female premise with all the fake problems and insecurities in the world, who becomes involved with dark, mysterious, handsome, dashing, supernatural, otherworldly psychopath in a relationship that treads really close to abusive. In the case of "Awoken", it undoubtedly does cross that line, which Twilight only danced around. The only difference is that the ethereal psycho in this case is the Elder God Cthullu. Yes, you read that correctly.It was only 5 bucks on Kindle, not significantly more than it cost to watch Twilight on Rifftrax, so I thought "Sure, why the hell not?"
Let's start with Andromeda "Andi" Slate (yes, really)- She hates her life because he has pail skin and grey eyes. Yes, really. Her parent work at a local university teaching Marine Biology, a subject also taught at the local high school which Andi attends (just go with it). She had "best friend" "like a brother" "did I mention he is my best friend?" named Vik (queue obligatory love triangle for later) and another genuinely awesome and smart friend named Bree, who happens to be overweight, which the author feels the need to keep reminding you of by having her eat large quantities of food everytime you forget. They are both genuinely good friends who try to give Andi real advice and emotional support whenever she is down, unlike her Eldritch squeeze. So naturally she's a bitch to them. Oh, and despite the fact that here parents are marine biologists and she's lived in beach town all her life, she has an irrational fear of water because she fell off a boat when she went to go see whales once. That is her repressed childhood memory that has scarred her for life. Yes, really.
The "plot" (kind of) begins when Andi, Bree and Vik read from the Necronimican, which belong to Vik's parents, who are archeologists of Cthulhu mythology because why the hell not. So Cthulhu shows up as hot guy who wears FUBU and drives a BMW for no apparent reason, as he can move in the "space between space". He stalks Andi for a bit, makes a guy go insane for trying to get her to swim, tells Andi she "disgraced" herself after she almost got raped by a black guy and a Hispanic guy (did I mention this book is racist?), kidnaps her and binds her, and calls her thinks like "puny" "insignificant" "diminutive" and "itty bitty". So naturally, she falls head over heels in love with him.
They go on a date to New York, and spend the night at the Plaza Hotel after they parked their car at the Plaza Hotel parking lot (yes, really). Oh, and they go see Phantom of the Opera, because there is an oh-so-subtle Phantom theme throughout this whole thing. He also dumps her at some point "to protect her", which makes for some great lines where he call her his usual variations of the phrase "insignificant mortal" and tells her she cannot comprehend reality and the cosmos and the unbearable lightness of being-blah, blah, blah- because she is a microscopic ant, and follows this with lines like "that is why I cannot go out with you" and "that is why I cannot take you to the Pumpkin Ball". The Great Cthulhu, everyone. As he leaves her, he warns her to "consume not the Tylenol in excess". Spoiler, they end up together again in the end.
Another character is the villian/substitute Marine Biology teacher, Scarlett Epistola (yes, really) who has been so utterly scorned before in her life, so she wants to scorn others and unleash a scorn apocalypse on the world. Did I mention she is scorned? The author is incredible vague what she means by scorned, but both author and Andi are always quick to point out how much she looks, acts, and dresses like a slattern/trollop/succubus/harpy. I'm not sure, but I think an auburn-haired woman named Scarlett once pissed off the author. This character definitely provides some of the best, laugh-out-loud moments in the book. This includes the climax, which involved this character prancing around dressed like a "video game trollop" (yes, that really the term used, although from the description, it sounds more like she came right off a Rocky Horror set)while making catty remarks at Andi, most of them involving scorn, while Andi retorts by calling her a "street woman". This all happens during impending apocalypse, btw. She also literally calls her minions "Minions".
And amidst all this bat-shit craziness is the character of Niel, a truly, genuinely, unironically awesome character who seems WAYYYYY out of place in this type of novel. So naturally, he is given as little presence in the novel as possible.
Long story short, Andi, the heroine, bravely stops the end of the world not because she actually does anything substantial, but because she makes Cthulhu falls in love with her. Yes really.
Final verdict: This is so delightfully, awesomely terrible. It really is like the literary version of those "so-bad-its-good" movies like Showgirls, The Room, Plan 9 from Outer Space, etc. There is also definitely a David Lynch Twin Peaks-esque element to it in that on the surface it appears to be pretty straight-forward and corny-just your typical, modern YA Romance- but underneath the surface it's just waiting to devolve into complete insanity. Honestly, I suspect it may even be a joke. It definitely seems to border on self-parody at several points. Then again, there are some genuinely bizarre people out there. Either way, it's brilliant.
Second of all, this book is bad. I mean, really, really bad. In fact, I don't think I recall reading anything remotely close to being this bad ever before in my life.
Why, then, the 5 star review? Because very much like the Room, this book is completely bat-shit insane and hilarious. Really, the bat-shit crazy premise and the reviews are what caught my attention in the first place, because it is otherwise just your typical Twilight knock-off with a bland, uninteresting female premise with all the fake problems and insecurities in the world, who becomes involved with dark, mysterious, handsome, dashing, supernatural, otherworldly psychopath in a relationship that treads really close to abusive. In the case of "Awoken", it undoubtedly does cross that line, which Twilight only danced around. The only difference is that the ethereal psycho in this case is the Elder God Cthullu. Yes, you read that correctly.It was only 5 bucks on Kindle, not significantly more than it cost to watch Twilight on Rifftrax, so I thought "Sure, why the hell not?"
Let's start with Andromeda "Andi" Slate (yes, really)- She hates her life because he has pail skin and grey eyes. Yes, really. Her parent work at a local university teaching Marine Biology, a subject also taught at the local high school which Andi attends (just go with it). She had "best friend" "like a brother" "did I mention he is my best friend?" named Vik (queue obligatory love triangle for later) and another genuinely awesome and smart friend named Bree, who happens to be overweight, which the author feels the need to keep reminding you of by having her eat large quantities of food everytime you forget. They are both genuinely good friends who try to give Andi real advice and emotional support whenever she is down, unlike her Eldritch squeeze. So naturally she's a bitch to them. Oh, and despite the fact that here parents are marine biologists and she's lived in beach town all her life, she has an irrational fear of water because she fell off a boat when she went to go see whales once. That is her repressed childhood memory that has scarred her for life. Yes, really.
The "plot" (kind of) begins when Andi, Bree and Vik read from the Necronimican, which belong to Vik's parents, who are archeologists of Cthulhu mythology because why the hell not. So Cthulhu shows up as hot guy who wears FUBU and drives a BMW for no apparent reason, as he can move in the "space between space". He stalks Andi for a bit, makes a guy go insane for trying to get her to swim, tells Andi she "disgraced" herself after she almost got raped by a black guy and a Hispanic guy (did I mention this book is racist?), kidnaps her and binds her, and calls her thinks like "puny" "insignificant" "diminutive" and "itty bitty". So naturally, she falls head over heels in love with him.
They go on a date to New York, and spend the night at the Plaza Hotel after they parked their car at the Plaza Hotel parking lot (yes, really). Oh, and they go see Phantom of the Opera, because there is an oh-so-subtle Phantom theme throughout this whole thing. He also dumps her at some point "to protect her", which makes for some great lines where he call her his usual variations of the phrase "insignificant mortal" and tells her she cannot comprehend reality and the cosmos and the unbearable lightness of being-blah, blah, blah- because she is a microscopic ant, and follows this with lines like "that is why I cannot go out with you" and "that is why I cannot take you to the Pumpkin Ball". The Great Cthulhu, everyone. As he leaves her, he warns her to "consume not the Tylenol in excess". Spoiler, they end up together again in the end.
Another character is the villian/substitute Marine Biology teacher, Scarlett Epistola (yes, really) who has been so utterly scorned before in her life, so she wants to scorn others and unleash a scorn apocalypse on the world. Did I mention she is scorned? The author is incredible vague what she means by scorned, but both author and Andi are always quick to point out how much she looks, acts, and dresses like a slattern/trollop/succubus/harpy. I'm not sure, but I think an auburn-haired woman named Scarlett once pissed off the author. This character definitely provides some of the best, laugh-out-loud moments in the book. This includes the climax, which involved this character prancing around dressed like a "video game trollop" (yes, that really the term used, although from the description, it sounds more like she came right off a Rocky Horror set)while making catty remarks at Andi, most of them involving scorn, while Andi retorts by calling her a "street woman". This all happens during impending apocalypse, btw. She also literally calls her minions "Minions".
And amidst all this bat-shit craziness is the character of Niel, a truly, genuinely, unironically awesome character who seems WAYYYYY out of place in this type of novel. So naturally, he is given as little presence in the novel as possible.
Long story short, Andi, the heroine, bravely stops the end of the world not because she actually does anything substantial, but because she makes Cthulhu falls in love with her. Yes really.
Final verdict: This is so delightfully, awesomely terrible. It really is like the literary version of those "so-bad-its-good" movies like Showgirls, The Room, Plan 9 from Outer Space, etc. There is also definitely a David Lynch Twin Peaks-esque element to it in that on the surface it appears to be pretty straight-forward and corny-just your typical, modern YA Romance- but underneath the surface it's just waiting to devolve into complete insanity. Honestly, I suspect it may even be a joke. It definitely seems to border on self-parody at several points. Then again, there are some genuinely bizarre people out there. Either way, it's brilliant.
August 31, 2013
The quality of this train-wreck uhh… I mean Serra’s first attempt at a novel can be summed up by simply listing her "characters".
Andi Slate: I’ll give Mrs. Elinsen credit here in that “Andromeda Slate” at least seems have a semblance of an almost personality. Too bad said personality is awful. She is annoyed by practically anything: She harps on about the tiniest of imperfection in everyone she meets whilst constantly complaining about how her friend Bree is “too perfect”. Meanwhile she barely bats an eye when her handsome new boytoy flat-out murders a group of people in front of her and devours their souls.
Bree Fifen: Serra seems to be worried that the readers will forget that the infinitely more likable and reasonable friend of Andi is, in fact, FAT. Bree can’t seem to get in a piece of dialogue without Elinsen chiming in and reminding us that she’s gobbling on a corndog whilst speaking.
Vik Mayank: Andi’s obligatory ethnic friend… Yeah that’s about it
Riley Bay: Heartthrob Cthulhu himself. Who apparently got bored with being an elder god and instead decides to devote his life to a girl of which he will certainly out live by a few eons. He uses his vast powers to drive Andi around in a BMW and buy her tickets to her favorite plays. Oh and he apparently likes cupcakes.
Scarlett Epistola: I’m not even sure what to say about this character. She’s a mysterious substitute teacher who starts off as a semi-intriguing character in a morass of incompetent characterization but then……
Neil: Uncle Nyarlathotep. Did one of Serra’s five children sneak this character into the novel? He’s wacky and eccentric with a vast backstory that we don’t really get to see because Andi and Riley’s dysfunctional plane crash of a relationship is apparently far more important. He is completely out of place among this novel's roster of characters...not that that’s a bad thing
Jamal: I don’t even… REALLY Elinsen? This characterization is so offensive that you somehow managed to offend 17 different groups of people with a single piece of his dialogue.
On the plus side though, the cover is pretty neat. But you're a bit late to the whole teen paranormal romance trend aren't you Elinsen?
Andi Slate: I’ll give Mrs. Elinsen credit here in that “Andromeda Slate” at least seems have a semblance of an almost personality. Too bad said personality is awful. She is annoyed by practically anything: She harps on about the tiniest of imperfection in everyone she meets whilst constantly complaining about how her friend Bree is “too perfect”. Meanwhile she barely bats an eye when her handsome new boytoy flat-out murders a group of people in front of her and devours their souls.
Bree Fifen: Serra seems to be worried that the readers will forget that the infinitely more likable and reasonable friend of Andi is, in fact, FAT. Bree can’t seem to get in a piece of dialogue without Elinsen chiming in and reminding us that she’s gobbling on a corndog whilst speaking.
Vik Mayank: Andi’s obligatory ethnic friend… Yeah that’s about it
Riley Bay: Heartthrob Cthulhu himself. Who apparently got bored with being an elder god and instead decides to devote his life to a girl of which he will certainly out live by a few eons. He uses his vast powers to drive Andi around in a BMW and buy her tickets to her favorite plays. Oh and he apparently likes cupcakes.
Scarlett Epistola: I’m not even sure what to say about this character. She’s a mysterious substitute teacher who starts off as a semi-intriguing character in a morass of incompetent characterization but then……
Neil: Uncle Nyarlathotep. Did one of Serra’s five children sneak this character into the novel? He’s wacky and eccentric with a vast backstory that we don’t really get to see because Andi and Riley’s dysfunctional plane crash of a relationship is apparently far more important. He is completely out of place among this novel's roster of characters...not that that’s a bad thing
Jamal: I don’t even… REALLY Elinsen? This characterization is so offensive that you somehow managed to offend 17 different groups of people with a single piece of his dialogue.
On the plus side though, the cover is pretty neat. But you're a bit late to the whole teen paranormal romance trend aren't you Elinsen?
Read
August 9, 2013I've gotten a hold of a copy of "Awoken" (went to a Con, saw some copies, snagged one up for reading material on the way back home) and I'm completely blown away. Maybe a bit brain damaged from the impact, too.
Awoken’s “story” is about a character named Andromeda Slate (yes, really). I use the terms “story,” “character” and even “about” so you can understand me. Like the Old Ones of Lovecraft lore, mere words are insufficient. This is not a story—it’s the frustrated fantasy of a miserable shut-in. Andi Slate is a piece of cardboard with attitude…exactly three attitudes, really, which boil down to “nobody understands me,” “goshwow I love Riley Bay!” and “oh I’m so lame compared to my boytoy!”
I digress. Andi has this dream in the Prologue (which is probably the most poorly written part of the whole book—off to a great start, Elinsen!) where Riley appears, all buff and covered in water like an eldritch David Hasselhoff. And here we immediately see one of the book’s greatest problems: Riley Bay himself.
If Andi is bad, Riley is worse. Awoken’s big sister, Twilight, at least makes Edward more interesting than Bella. In making Riley some god-like being, that tiny sparkle of life in this Edward rip-off gets extinguished. Riley isn’t just inhuman, handsome and strong. He’s a squid god.
I’ll avoid spoiling any more of this in case anyone wants to go mad from the revulsion brought up by this tripe. Suffice to say that it starts nowhere and goes nowhere. (Well, it does go to New York, but it felt kind of hollow. Has Elinsen even been to NYC?)
There are a few faint bright points. The best two characters—in this reviewer’s opinion—are Uncle Neil and Bree. Uncle Neil is someone I’d rather be reading about. He’s the kind of character that I would unironically describe as “wacky,” and there are all sorts of hints that he’s constantly having awesome adventures. Naturally, we barely see him.
I like Bree as well, though half of that may just be pity. She puts up with her hormonal demonoid of a best friend with a smile, and seems to try her damnedest to give her advice that ISN’T insane…she’s the only semi-reasonable character in the whole thing. It’s like there was one last spark of rational thought in Elinsen’s deranged mind, and it decided to take root in the lunatic asylum that is this atrocity.
Go read something better. Your local library shelves are probably overflowing with battered copies of the Twilight saga.
Awoken’s “story” is about a character named Andromeda Slate (yes, really). I use the terms “story,” “character” and even “about” so you can understand me. Like the Old Ones of Lovecraft lore, mere words are insufficient. This is not a story—it’s the frustrated fantasy of a miserable shut-in. Andi Slate is a piece of cardboard with attitude…exactly three attitudes, really, which boil down to “nobody understands me,” “goshwow I love Riley Bay!” and “oh I’m so lame compared to my boytoy!”
I digress. Andi has this dream in the Prologue (which is probably the most poorly written part of the whole book—off to a great start, Elinsen!) where Riley appears, all buff and covered in water like an eldritch David Hasselhoff. And here we immediately see one of the book’s greatest problems: Riley Bay himself.
If Andi is bad, Riley is worse. Awoken’s big sister, Twilight, at least makes Edward more interesting than Bella. In making Riley some god-like being, that tiny sparkle of life in this Edward rip-off gets extinguished. Riley isn’t just inhuman, handsome and strong. He’s a squid god.
I’ll avoid spoiling any more of this in case anyone wants to go mad from the revulsion brought up by this tripe. Suffice to say that it starts nowhere and goes nowhere. (Well, it does go to New York, but it felt kind of hollow. Has Elinsen even been to NYC?)
There are a few faint bright points. The best two characters—in this reviewer’s opinion—are Uncle Neil and Bree. Uncle Neil is someone I’d rather be reading about. He’s the kind of character that I would unironically describe as “wacky,” and there are all sorts of hints that he’s constantly having awesome adventures. Naturally, we barely see him.
I like Bree as well, though half of that may just be pity. She puts up with her hormonal demonoid of a best friend with a smile, and seems to try her damnedest to give her advice that ISN’T insane…she’s the only semi-reasonable character in the whole thing. It’s like there was one last spark of rational thought in Elinsen’s deranged mind, and it decided to take root in the lunatic asylum that is this atrocity.
Go read something better. Your local library shelves are probably overflowing with battered copies of the Twilight saga.
September 3, 2013
How dare this self-proclaimed author smear Lovecraft’s name by dishonoring his creations with such a piece of trash. Sarah completely misinterpreted the brilliant lore and completely disregards the original content of Lovecraft’s stories. First of all, Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos is an Outer God, not a Great Old One. Second, the protagonist often calls Cthulhu “her Great One,” a grievous error seeing that the Great Ones are actually a separate, weaker pantheon of gods residing in Dreamlands under the protection of Nyarlathotep. Sarah didn’t even get the location right. She mentions that the town Portsmouth in Rhode Island is, in fact, Innsmouth. But Lovecraft clearly stated that the town Innsmouth is in Massachusetts in his works. Also, R’lyeh is placed near the Pacific Pole of inaccessibility, yet somehow, Riley took Andromeda there in a gondola from Rhode Island. Sarah even got the necronomicon wrong. Apperently the Kitab al Azif is written in plain English by the mad poet in 8th century. Of course, it is also not locked away at Miskatonic University but given to a teenager instead. Have you actually read any of Lovecraft’s work, Sarah?
September 2, 2013
I almost wanted to like this book. Unfortunately since Uncle Neil was unable to ever complete a sentence, my day was utterly ruined. In the future Serra Elinsen would do well to remember that side characters like Riley and Andromeda should not talk so much, even if one of them is the narrator. Where would the Great Gatsby have been if Fitzgerald let Nick do all the talking? Neil is clearly sidelined in the midst of his own story. I mean sure those two drive what pathetic excuse passes for a plot. But Neil is truly the heart and soul of this story, and the writing should adjust accordingly. Next time Elinsen should watch less Japanese tentacle porn, and read some actual Lovecraft stories before she tries to write something like this. Parts of Awoken made me wonder if she has ever even read a book or if she thinks they're just fancy hard copies of fanfiction.
September 1, 2013
THIS BOOK IS EPIC!!! I KNOW YOU THINK I'M STUPID FOR LIKING THIS, MR. MAN. BUT QUESTIONING THE QUALITY OF THIS BOOK IS LIKE HAVING DOUBTS ABOUT SPARKLE MOTION. YOU JUST CAN'T, IT'S THEORETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE!!
I REALLY HOPE SERRA ELINSEN TOURS IN MAINE, AND SHE BETTER NOT KILL THE MAIN CHARACTERS EITHER!!!!!!!!!!!
I REALLY HOPE SERRA ELINSEN TOURS IN MAINE, AND SHE BETTER NOT KILL THE MAIN CHARACTERS EITHER!!!!!!!!!!!
September 1, 2013
What a fantastic book.
My sides hurt from laughter as I read this glorious novel in about a day and a half. It wonderfully lampoons all of the most terrible things in the Twilight-inspired paranormal [teen] romance genre, though not so much that it awkwardly points out 'look how bad this all is!' The word choices are hilariously awful, the overdone descriptors great, and just... Ah, yes, great. I'm looking forward to the sequel, if/when it comes out.
I'm not terribly great at parody myself, not as much as deconstruction, so this also serves as a wonderful guide of what /not/ to do as I write my own novel, come November, given it has even more dumb teenage romantic shit than this, but hopefully less wonderfully melodramatic [aside, of course, from when the characters are melodramatic, even if the situation clearly is not].
I can't think of a book packed with as many laughs as this one that I've read. That was the bes $5 that I've spent (for the ebook) in a good long while.
[This is a parody, right? It seems some others here take this work at face value, and I'm not sure what to think of it if it is. I'm pretty sure it's a parody. I mean, when someone was surprised, the word choice to explain how they said something not once, but TWICE, was 'ejaculated'. There's...no way someone in their right mind would use that these days, all things considered. ...Right?]
My sides hurt from laughter as I read this glorious novel in about a day and a half. It wonderfully lampoons all of the most terrible things in the Twilight-inspired paranormal [teen] romance genre, though not so much that it awkwardly points out 'look how bad this all is!' The word choices are hilariously awful, the overdone descriptors great, and just... Ah, yes, great. I'm looking forward to the sequel, if/when it comes out.
I'm not terribly great at parody myself, not as much as deconstruction, so this also serves as a wonderful guide of what /not/ to do as I write my own novel, come November, given it has even more dumb teenage romantic shit than this, but hopefully less wonderfully melodramatic [aside, of course, from when the characters are melodramatic, even if the situation clearly is not].
I can't think of a book packed with as many laughs as this one that I've read. That was the bes $5 that I've spent (for the ebook) in a good long while.
[This is a parody, right? It seems some others here take this work at face value, and I'm not sure what to think of it if it is. I'm pretty sure it's a parody. I mean, when someone was surprised, the word choice to explain how they said something not once, but TWICE, was 'ejaculated'. There's...no way someone in their right mind would use that these days, all things considered. ...Right?]
September 2, 2019
Well, I think it’s safe to say I have never read anything quite like Serra Elinsen’s Awoken. While this is a story about a teenage girl who falls in love with Cthulhu, I would consider this more-so a parody/critique of 2010’s popular YA paranormal romance than one of H.P. Lovecraft’s work. Wow, was this a trip.
The story centers on (the very casually named) Andromeda Slate—Andi for short. She’s an especially obnoxious teenage girl who is more or less unable to see beyond her own feelings, typically to the detriment of her friends and family around her. Andi’s favorite book is The Phantom of the Opera and it is referenced A LOT; Serra Elinsen thanks Andrew Lloyd Weber as the “author” in her final author's note, so that should give you an idea for how accurately she nails Lovecraftian lore. Anyway, Andi meets a mysterious Riley who stares creepily at her, refers to her as “puny one,” and inexplicably drives his enemies insane. So, you know, Andi falls incessantly and madly in love. Where others would see red flags, Andi just sees ”beautiful insanity,” because “love” is just that powerful.
And it’s all a hoax.
Now that it’s 2019, I think it’s safe to just put out there that Serra Elinsen was the drunken brain child of Lindsay Ellis (a youtube essayist I highly recommend), Nella Inserra, Elisa Hansen, and five ghost writers. You can actually see how this project came together in the web series Booze Your Own Adventure, where the audience helped the hosts pick the most obscene choices possible to create the funniest YA stealth parody 2013 had ever seen.
Hands down, this book is stupid funny, like, the kind of laughter that hurts your stomach. That said, because this is a parody of the YA paranormal romance genre, there were many elements of said genre present that was genuinely grating. The (beautiful) crack team that wrote this were a little too on the nose at times. That said, even though I enjoyed the story of how the book was made more than the book itself, I would still definitely recommend it if meta nonsense is up your alley.
The story centers on (the very casually named) Andromeda Slate—Andi for short. She’s an especially obnoxious teenage girl who is more or less unable to see beyond her own feelings, typically to the detriment of her friends and family around her. Andi’s favorite book is The Phantom of the Opera and it is referenced A LOT; Serra Elinsen thanks Andrew Lloyd Weber as the “author” in her final author's note, so that should give you an idea for how accurately she nails Lovecraftian lore. Anyway, Andi meets a mysterious Riley who stares creepily at her, refers to her as “puny one,” and inexplicably drives his enemies insane. So, you know, Andi falls incessantly and madly in love. Where others would see red flags, Andi just sees ”beautiful insanity,” because “love” is just that powerful.
And it’s all a hoax.
Now that it’s 2019, I think it’s safe to just put out there that Serra Elinsen was the drunken brain child of Lindsay Ellis (a youtube essayist I highly recommend), Nella Inserra, Elisa Hansen, and five ghost writers. You can actually see how this project came together in the web series Booze Your Own Adventure, where the audience helped the hosts pick the most obscene choices possible to create the funniest YA stealth parody 2013 had ever seen.
Hands down, this book is stupid funny, like, the kind of laughter that hurts your stomach. That said, because this is a parody of the YA paranormal romance genre, there were many elements of said genre present that was genuinely grating. The (beautiful) crack team that wrote this were a little too on the nose at times. That said, even though I enjoyed the story of how the book was made more than the book itself, I would still definitely recommend it if meta nonsense is up your alley.
August 8, 2013
Mrs Elinsen I just read your book and I had to tell you "face to face" how much your book impacted on me and how much I liked reading and rereading your book but I can't really say anything that you would find interesting because someone like you would despise my words because I can't say things as beautiful as you say. Reading your book is such an intense experience because you make the characters so real and clear and their story is so moving and quiet in the same time you describe with so much little details and it gave me the opportunity to learn about the world of Lovecraft even if I heard he was very immoral I assume he was a better man than I thought due to he inspiring you and your story has so much true Christian sentiment that helped soothing my pain in hard times and actually reconciled my family !
My daughters (15 and 19) are going through a rough time and my husband found that the oldest who went to college met bad people and that she did a lot of shocking "wild" things which my husband and I would NEVER have imagined and one of our biggest conflicts was about the people and speaks with on the internet (for instance she interacted with an Irish "woman" who advocates lesbianism and slavery and they probably caused her recent behavior). My husband wanted to "cut her off" untill she would listen but she told us the internet had presented her with a lot of good normal things and she brought us to an internet party of sorts where everyone was polite and some of your employees sold copies of your book and she bought one for me thinking I wouldn't like it but wanting to show it to me because she heard of it. And when we read it the story was so wholesome and uplifting that I revised my opinion on her new frequentations and realized she mostly "made the best of it". My husband read it too ! He laughed and said it was a good normal story like she should read at such an age and we are very proud of her now that we understand her BECAUSE OF YOU ! Thank you Mrs Elinsen !
My daughters (15 and 19) are going through a rough time and my husband found that the oldest who went to college met bad people and that she did a lot of shocking "wild" things which my husband and I would NEVER have imagined and one of our biggest conflicts was about the people and speaks with on the internet (for instance she interacted with an Irish "woman" who advocates lesbianism and slavery and they probably caused her recent behavior). My husband wanted to "cut her off" untill she would listen but she told us the internet had presented her with a lot of good normal things and she brought us to an internet party of sorts where everyone was polite and some of your employees sold copies of your book and she bought one for me thinking I wouldn't like it but wanting to show it to me because she heard of it. And when we read it the story was so wholesome and uplifting that I revised my opinion on her new frequentations and realized she mostly "made the best of it". My husband read it too ! He laughed and said it was a good normal story like she should read at such an age and we are very proud of her now that we understand her BECAUSE OF YOU ! Thank you Mrs Elinsen !
August 8, 2013
An interesting first attempt, I read the chapter Serra E. put on her website, and I must say it's like nothing I've ever read before. Once my brain stopped screaming, I rushed to this website to share my thoughts on it. This book is so wrong in all the right ways. it's the perfect blend of guilty pleasure, Self flagellation, and seems to have the same effect as climbing a mountain blindfolded; you know you should stop, but making it to the top is so worth it. I can't wait to see what else this author has up her sleeves for follow-up.
October 3, 2013
I am somewhat loathe to be one of the people stating outright that this book is a parody, but I feel that this aspect of the book's creation is one of the things that makes it so enjoyable. Also, frankly, if the concept of "Twilight with Cthulhu" isn't intended to be absolutely hilarious, the author, editor, and publisher of this novel need to be roundly smited by the Great Old Ones. But no, this is a fairly obvious send up, with a web series documenting every step from conception to publication.
It is somewhat ironic, then, that “Awoken” is so much better that Twilight and other "young adult paranoral romance" novels. The genre naturally lends itself to parody. The junkfood wrapper thin characters, the cookie-cutter plots, the melodramatic histrionics of entitled teenagers, all render most of these books nearly unreadable. But when “Awoken” combines these elements with the mythos of H.P. Lovecraft (whose most subtle work could be generously described as melodramatic itself) the result is something special.
“Awoken” is about a whiny, privileged brat named Andromeda. After we are introduced in rather exhaustive detail to her world (apparently the type of shampoo and its smell are critical character traits) and the walking overhead transparencies that populate it, Andromeda dreams of R’lyeh. This sequence sets up the main theme of the humor that runs throughout the book. When she first hears the guttural language of the Old Ones, Andromeda describes it as “beautiful, like whalesong.” It is this kind of inappropriate comparison or juxtaposition that “Awoken” primarily relies on for its humor. While this could have made it a one note affair, the book mostly finds interesting ways to play with this dissonance. Whatever she might feel toward the human form of Cthulhu, the fact is that he is a being of incalculable age and cosmic strength. Andromeda’s breathless fawning over this creature is as hilarious and poignant as the same behavior would be in an ant.
This is also what saves the book from being at all mean spirited. While we realize how utterly, impossibly silly Andromeda’s romance is, we also feel pity for her. That goes a long way toward making her a tolerable person to spend the duration of the book with.
If this were a serious novel, it would look like a failed attempt on the part of a middle aged woman only lightly familiar with Lovecraft to make a credible romance from incredible source material. We would pity the author more than anyone else. But as parody, it is great fun, and far better than most of the books cluttering the YA shelves.
It is somewhat ironic, then, that “Awoken” is so much better that Twilight and other "young adult paranoral romance" novels. The genre naturally lends itself to parody. The junkfood wrapper thin characters, the cookie-cutter plots, the melodramatic histrionics of entitled teenagers, all render most of these books nearly unreadable. But when “Awoken” combines these elements with the mythos of H.P. Lovecraft (whose most subtle work could be generously described as melodramatic itself) the result is something special.
“Awoken” is about a whiny, privileged brat named Andromeda. After we are introduced in rather exhaustive detail to her world (apparently the type of shampoo and its smell are critical character traits) and the walking overhead transparencies that populate it, Andromeda dreams of R’lyeh. This sequence sets up the main theme of the humor that runs throughout the book. When she first hears the guttural language of the Old Ones, Andromeda describes it as “beautiful, like whalesong.” It is this kind of inappropriate comparison or juxtaposition that “Awoken” primarily relies on for its humor. While this could have made it a one note affair, the book mostly finds interesting ways to play with this dissonance. Whatever she might feel toward the human form of Cthulhu, the fact is that he is a being of incalculable age and cosmic strength. Andromeda’s breathless fawning over this creature is as hilarious and poignant as the same behavior would be in an ant.
This is also what saves the book from being at all mean spirited. While we realize how utterly, impossibly silly Andromeda’s romance is, we also feel pity for her. That goes a long way toward making her a tolerable person to spend the duration of the book with.
If this were a serious novel, it would look like a failed attempt on the part of a middle aged woman only lightly familiar with Lovecraft to make a credible romance from incredible source material. We would pity the author more than anyone else. But as parody, it is great fun, and far better than most of the books cluttering the YA shelves.
September 2, 2013
This is without a doubt the worst book I've ever read. No doubt. So why did I give it two stars? Because it is so bizarrely bad that it kept me guessing until the very end as to how far it would go into badness. First of all you should know, this is basically Twilight with Cthulhu. A concept so weird I had to read it. For starters, the character who seems to be the villain is in fact our love interest. Despite being stalkerish, possessive, and in the words of the book "almost predatory". I suppose it's supposed to be romantic when he tortures people's minds to rescue our heroine. A second thought is never given to his victims because he apparently "loves her". When our "heroine" started falling for him I was sure she was under some spell that her friends would help her break later on. This was not the case, she was completely, irrevocably and inexplicably in love with him. By the time I got to what appeared to by the final awful plot twist, I was sure it couldn't get any dumber. It did. Our heroine loses all sympathy when she becomes the most destructive and downright suicidal character I've seen over a boy not liking her. What a destructive message for readers. And yes, we are clearly supposed to like her. For some reason. Let's be honest, she's a stand-in for the reader. So we are to assume that her actions are ones the reader can relate to. I certainly hope not.
The weirdest thing about the book (and the best) is a character called uncle Neil. He makes it seem like the author knew on some level how ridiculous her concept was and put a character in there to represent the more skeptical readers. I don't think this self-awareness runs too deeply however, as most of the book is intended to be taken seriously. The prose is nothing special as far as YA and is not usually unintentionally hilarious (a few bizarre analogies notwithstanding).
In conclusion Awoken is the best bad book I've ever read. It would almost be funny, if it wasn't so very very sad.
The weirdest thing about the book (and the best) is a character called uncle Neil. He makes it seem like the author knew on some level how ridiculous her concept was and put a character in there to represent the more skeptical readers. I don't think this self-awareness runs too deeply however, as most of the book is intended to be taken seriously. The prose is nothing special as far as YA and is not usually unintentionally hilarious (a few bizarre analogies notwithstanding).
In conclusion Awoken is the best bad book I've ever read. It would almost be funny, if it wasn't so very very sad.
September 1, 2013
This book changed my life. It healed things inside me I didn't even know were broken. Ms. Elinsen takes her place among the greats like Bronte, Shelley, and Meyer. Andromeda Slate is one of the great literary heroines. It is so refreshing to have such a strong, self-sufficient woman as a protagonist. The originality of the plot and characters is amazing. I cannot say enough good things about this book. Read it!! Read it immediately! You will never be the same.
July 30, 2013
I KNOW I HAVEN'T EVEN READ THIS YET BUT ITS GOING TO BE AMAZING SEXY FABULOUS SO FIVE STARS RIGHT NOW!!!
KEEP WRITING SERRA!!! WE BELIEB IN U!! <3 (;,,,;) <3
- rileys soul wife
KEEP WRITING SERRA!!! WE BELIEB IN U!! <3 (;,,,;) <3
- rileys soul wife
September 3, 2013
Horrible. Just horrible. I'm glad I didn't pay one cent for this (anyone curious, you can borrow it on Prime for free).
Don't let the fake reviews fool you. As for any potential trolls, I should warn you I'm feeling particularly nasty after reading this and I will have NO mercy telling you I don't care.
Full review to come.
Somehow I have two reviews for this, I don't know what happened the link to the full review is here: http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...
Don't let the fake reviews fool you. As for any potential trolls, I should warn you I'm feeling particularly nasty after reading this and I will have NO mercy telling you I don't care.
Full review to come.
Somehow I have two reviews for this, I don't know what happened the link to the full review is here: http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...
August 26, 2013
Look, I don't get what some of these haters are so hung up on. I mean, "Awoken" is a wonderful book, one that has a strong female protagonist to boot! Peeps just be trollin' 'cause they're jealous that it's not them in Serra's place.
Ignore the trolls and just believe me when I say this book is my favorite of the year, by far!
Ignore the trolls and just believe me when I say this book is my favorite of the year, by far!
Want to read
July 29, 2013So excited for this book!!! It's going to be so amazing and unique, I know it! :D
August 31, 2013
This book is a resounding triumph in the world of young adult fiction, completely revolutionizing the genre as we know it. Fellow readers, prepare yourselves for an incredible journey through the imagination of this rising star of an author, as she raises the bar of the genre to a level unseen since the heyday of Stephenie Meyer's masterpiece. Whether you are a frequent connoisseur of this particular variety of literature, or if happen to be simply dipping your toes into the welcoming waters of teen romance, the depth of this book will change you on an emotional level. This reader can only hope that miss Elinsen continues to release works of this caliber, for after reading Awoken, I fear that I shall be dissatisfied with any other tome I peruse.
Thank you, Serra Elinsen.
11/10
Thank you, Serra Elinsen.
11/10
September 5, 2013
This is one of those books that's so awesome, it preys upon all of my insecurities as a writer and a human being. I desperately want to live in a world where Twilight didn't happen, but this book happened instead. Just imagining the Hot Topic tie-in jewelry makes me salivate with bitter disappointment. Hashtag: TentaclesAreBetterThanFangs.
August 4, 2013
The character of Andi Slate just...uhg. Elinsen, do you think teenage girls should commit suicide if their boyfriends break up with them? Cause thats basically what andi tries to do. Her life has "no meaning" without this boy. Was it supposed to be an allegory for jesus?
September 3, 2013
Awoken is a pretty perfect version of what it is. It's the perfect archetype of the Y.A. paranormal romance. It contained all the elements of other books of this type but I think the subject matter chosen really elevated it to another level.
The decision to use pulpy cult classics like Lovecraft's Cthulu and The Phantom of the Opera really worked much better than trying to blend this genre with classic literature. The downgrade of source material actually improves the quality of the novel as it all works together surprisingly well.
The writer clearly knew what they were doing.Instead of making me 'roll my eyes' at how threadbare and pretentious the literary blends normally are I actually enjoyed both the phantom and the Cthulu references when they appeared.
I also felt like the shallow two dimensional characters worked better in this book too. By making the male lead an ancient god like creature who hadn't had any previous human experience. It made his over the top possessiveness, condescension and inability to behave like a normal human actually plausible (not acceptable but plausible). The female lead's normally unbearable character was blown so out of proportion that it was amusing to read. The horrid racist stereotypes in the book sort of echoed the uncomfortable feeling I had while reading Lovecraft's weirdly racist stories and while not a good thing it did kind of make the two works blend together more.
To sum up the book was engaging, amusing, self indulgent and I cant wait for the next installment if only to find out more about Uncle Neil and his interesting past.
The decision to use pulpy cult classics like Lovecraft's Cthulu and The Phantom of the Opera really worked much better than trying to blend this genre with classic literature. The downgrade of source material actually improves the quality of the novel as it all works together surprisingly well.
The writer clearly knew what they were doing.Instead of making me 'roll my eyes' at how threadbare and pretentious the literary blends normally are I actually enjoyed both the phantom and the Cthulu references when they appeared.
I also felt like the shallow two dimensional characters worked better in this book too. By making the male lead an ancient god like creature who hadn't had any previous human experience. It made his over the top possessiveness, condescension and inability to behave like a normal human actually plausible (not acceptable but plausible). The female lead's normally unbearable character was blown so out of proportion that it was amusing to read. The horrid racist stereotypes in the book sort of echoed the uncomfortable feeling I had while reading Lovecraft's weirdly racist stories and while not a good thing it did kind of make the two works blend together more.
To sum up the book was engaging, amusing, self indulgent and I cant wait for the next installment if only to find out more about Uncle Neil and his interesting past.
September 6, 2020
Chapter-by-chapter review (via highlights) on my tumblr.
Oh, Awoken. I had such great hopes. This is a parody. I don't mean like "It's so bad, it has to be". I mean it is. We know who made it. Just look it up.
The problem is… It doesn't really work as a parody. It's too "good" to be a parody of the paranormal romance Twilight rip-offs. It has a decent enough plot and decent enough characters, with the exception of the lead pair; and because of it, the book ends up being a decent book with a coating of bad tropes, rather than an actual parody. It doesn't mock most of the tropes but simply uses them. If you're paying attention you may notice the discreet references — the overuse of "chagrin" comes to mind — but overall… I'm not really convinced that you could tell it's a parody if you didn't come in knowingly.
As I mentioned, on the other hand, it's okay as a PR novel. But just that. Okay. Mostly because the romance is intentionally insipid and, being limited to Andi's PoV, we don't get to see the better parts of the story.
So I'm giving the book 3 stars. Two because the book is okay, and an extra one because I like the idea of the book and commend its effort. But I won't go much further.
Oh, Awoken. I had such great hopes. This is a parody. I don't mean like "It's so bad, it has to be". I mean it is. We know who made it. Just look it up.
The problem is… It doesn't really work as a parody. It's too "good" to be a parody of the paranormal romance Twilight rip-offs. It has a decent enough plot and decent enough characters, with the exception of the lead pair; and because of it, the book ends up being a decent book with a coating of bad tropes, rather than an actual parody. It doesn't mock most of the tropes but simply uses them. If you're paying attention you may notice the discreet references — the overuse of "chagrin" comes to mind — but overall… I'm not really convinced that you could tell it's a parody if you didn't come in knowingly.
As I mentioned, on the other hand, it's okay as a PR novel. But just that. Okay. Mostly because the romance is intentionally insipid and, being limited to Andi's PoV, we don't get to see the better parts of the story.
So I'm giving the book 3 stars. Two because the book is okay, and an extra one because I like the idea of the book and commend its effort. But I won't go much further.
September 11, 2013
This is Tess, the site owner of FictionFun.com.
It has come to my attention that this book claims it is a "FictionFun.com Editor's Choice." I want to stress that FictionFun.com does not endorse this book, nor does it endorse the books of any other FictionFun.com members.
"Awoken" came in third place in the Reader's Choice voting in August of this year. That award is purely the result of votes cast by our users. Neither FictionFun.com nor any of its staff were involved in that vote.
Upon reviewing the votes cast for the August competition, I have found that many of the votes cast for "Awoken" came from newly-registered accounts, all with IP addresses resolving to the same ISP in Dayton, Ohio. I believe that Ms. Elinsen may have created false accounts to stuff the ballot box, so to speak.
Misuse of FictionFun.com's trademarks for commercial purposes and sockpuppeting are both violations of the FictionFun.com Terms of Service, and I have taken appropriate action.
It has come to my attention that this book claims it is a "FictionFun.com Editor's Choice." I want to stress that FictionFun.com does not endorse this book, nor does it endorse the books of any other FictionFun.com members.
"Awoken" came in third place in the Reader's Choice voting in August of this year. That award is purely the result of votes cast by our users. Neither FictionFun.com nor any of its staff were involved in that vote.
Upon reviewing the votes cast for the August competition, I have found that many of the votes cast for "Awoken" came from newly-registered accounts, all with IP addresses resolving to the same ISP in Dayton, Ohio. I believe that Ms. Elinsen may have created false accounts to stuff the ballot box, so to speak.
Misuse of FictionFun.com's trademarks for commercial purposes and sockpuppeting are both violations of the FictionFun.com Terms of Service, and I have taken appropriate action.
August 9, 2013
I have a friend that got ahold if this early-release. We passed it around, and we are enthralled. This awoke, excuse the pun, a new concept love in me.
August 11, 2013
Trololololo. This book is hilarious, and a masterful work of parody. I won't ruin the fun by saying which internet personality had this book written as a joke.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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