Võit madala enesehinnangu üle

Overcoming

by Melanie Fennell, Mall Pöial (Translator), Maie Kreegipuu (Editor)

"Madal enesehinnang võib elu raskeks muuta väga mitmel moel. See võib teha teid ärevaks ja õnnetuks, kahtlustest ning enesekriitilistest mõtetest piinatuks. See võib takistada end teiste seltsis vabalt tundmast ega lase elada elu, mida tahaksite elada. See muudab raskeks väärtustada ja hinnata ennast nii, nagu hindaksite ja väärtustaksite kedagi teist, kellest hoolite. Melanie Fennelli tunnustust pälvinud ja populaarne eneseabiõpik aitab teil mõista oma madalat enesehinnangut ja murda välja kannatuste, kasutu käitumise ja ennasthävitava mõtlemise nõiaringist. Kognitiivsest teraapiast pärinevaid praktilisi tehnikaid kasutades aitab käesolev raamat teil õppida enesetunnustamise kunsti ja sel viisil parandada oma minapilti. Konkreetsemalt õpite:
· Kuidas madal enesehinnang välja kujuneb ja mis seda alal hoiab.
· Kuidas oma negatiivseid mõtteid ja nende taga peituvaid suhtumisi kahtluse alla seada.
· Kuidas ära tunda oma tugevaid külgi ja häid omadusi ning saavutada tasakaalustatum, leebem suhtumine iseendasse.
Eesti keeles on varem ilmunud raamatu esimene väljaanne, siin on tegu põhjalikult ümbertöötatud uue trükiga."

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Health, Personal Development, Reference

303 pages, Paperback

First published August 26, 1999

Reviews

[Nimue Brown · Rating 3 out of 5]

The methods are good, but there's a troubling hole in the content which is why I settled on a 3, not a 4 even though the book had a powerful impact on my thinking.

Low self esteem can both contribute to, and be caused by, depression and anxiety. For many people running into one will likely put you in contact with the others, given time. This book offers methodical, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy approaches to improving self esteem. It’s an interesting read and I found it very helpful. I find I can take broad ideas and some exercises from CBT, but the approach of tight record keeping over weeks would drive me round the bend. I did have a go more than a year before reading this, and felt far too much irritation to derive optimal use. I have a chaotic mind, and I hate filling in time sheets.

My main concern about this book is this – low self esteem, as the book clearly flags up, tends to be caused by experiences and external circumstances. Unless it’s a bi-blow of chemical imbalance depression, or physical illness, the odds are something external caused it. Or someone. The book assumes you are no longer in that damaging situation and can look back at it rationally. There’s every reason to think a person with low self esteem might pick up a book like this and only then realise that it’s not due to some flaw inherent in them, but a direct consequence of how they are being treated right then. There’s absolutely no advice on how to handle it if you are in an ongoing, esteem destroying situation. This troubles me, because statistically, more abuse victims are beaten or killed at the point when they try to get out, than at any other time. The author, while clearly an expert in the realities of low self esteem, does not appear to have made an indepth study of the causes and attendant risks for those who are still living with the source or otherwise vulnerable.

[Courtney Williams · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book: Overcoming Low Self Esteem

The author: Melanie Fennell, an influential cognitive behavioural therapist whose achievements include founding the Oxford Cognitive Therapy Centre.

The subject: A guide to, well, overcoming low self-esteem. This book contains both exercises and exposition, combining to form the next best thing to a course of CBT.

Why I chose it: My cognitive behavioural therapist recommended this to me having isolated low self-esteem as the root of my problems. I’m familiar with the Overcoming… series, so was glad to take him up on the recommendation.

The rating: Four out of five stars

What I thought of it: This book is really helpful if you suffer from low self-esteem. That's not a diagnosable term, but low self-esteem can be at the root of a lot of mental distress, as my cognitive behavioural therapist has suggested it is for me. CBT, as you may guess, involves two interlocking concepts: your cognitions and your behaviour. You do have to be in the right state of mind to succeed at it; I haven't been previously, but in the past few months I have been far more able to put it into practice and am reaping the benefits.

I actually read this book via my local library's eBook service and my new Kobo before purchasing it, which I should warn you isn't ideal because it cuts off some of the record sheets and diagrams. I've now purchased my own paper copy, which I don't do lightly nowadays. I predict it will be very well-thumbed. This book contains all the techniques I was taught in CBT, plus some more, as well as in-depth explanations. My favourite part was probably the case studies, which are referred to as examples in the exercises. It was so much easier to do things with those "characters" in mind and so much easier to be easy on myself – after all, they deserve kindness, so why don't I?

I’ve knocked a point off having read this review and agreed with the points it makes. However, I personally have found this book really useful and would recommend it to anyone with low self-esteem, though you do need a certain amount of motivation to achieve the maximum return on it as with CBT in general, which is the eternal double bind with self-help really. If you don't believe me, look no further than the fact it's one of Reading Well's Books on Prescription! (Though so is "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway", which I didn't exactly enjoy... hmmm...)

Just one more thing: Along with this book, my CBT guy has recommended this website, where you can get sheets for recording thoughts as well as formulations (such as this one, which I use) and other resources.

[Katisha · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an absolutely brilliant book and does exactly what it says in the title. I came to this one via a recommendation from a CBT counsellor and via the 'Books on Prescription' list at my local library. I cannot recommend it highly enough. If you really want to use it to make a difference you might also consider getting the three accompanying workbooks recently released. They are by no means essential, but do add even more to this already wonderful program of self-rescue. The only better way to address the topic would be to get yourself some 'live' CBT counselling.

[Inci · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kitabı çok beğendim. Yalnız ismi sanki yanlış olmuş çünkü özgüvenden ziyade çocukluktan getirdiğimiz örüntülerimizi görmemizi ve üstesinden gelmemizi sağlamayı hedeflemiş. Dili de yeterince akıcı ve anlaşılır. Kendine yardım kitaplarında yapılması istenen şeyler uygulanırsa başarıya ulaşılabilir, buda onlardan birisi. Başucu kitabı adayı olabilir.

[Mel · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s a bit repetitive, and if you’re already familiar with CBT then you might not find a lot that’s new here.

That said, the guiding questions in each exercise were helpful and thought-provoking. I also appreciated the characters used throughout the book to provide specific examples for each exercise/point; they also helped me see the far harsher standards I held myself to vs others.

[Juliette · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good back up to therapy as it covers what your likely to come across in CBT- Nor sure it would be suitable as a pure self help book though.

[Aileen Lin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lengthy but worth it.. I guess it's for people who are on the further end of the low self-esteem spectrum. It has its similarities in the overcoming anxiety book.

[rachid idjiou · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overcoming low self esteem by Melanie Fennell is a good book to read. It's self guide to build your confidence and overcome the feeling of insecurity. Negatives beliefs about yourself can affect your actions and your mental health. This book contains a self help guide to identify low self esteem and congnitive behavioral techniques to manage it . If you would like to improve your self esteem, I recommend this book to you. It's a practice approach.

[Dafni · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good tool for CBT therapists and psychologists who work with a range of presentations overlapping with low self-esteem. Written in lay language, is a thought-provoking book to suggest to clients who would benefit from reading about self-esteem and challenge their negative thoughts through self-help exercises based on the cognitive-behavioural school of psychology. Not outstanding, but enables therapists to explore low self-esteem as a core belief / negative automatic thoughts that may be associated with depression, social anxiety and eating disorders among others. Good material for psychoeducation. To my knowledge, a new version of this book is about to be published soon, so keep your eyes and ears open.

[Kristín Hulda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Las þessa fyrir einhverjum árum í klíníska náminu, set almennt ekki sálfræðibækur á goodreads en þessi er alveg frábær og gagnleg fyrir marga (ekki bara fólk með klínískt lágt sjálfsmat). HAM meðferðarhandbókin sem er mest notuð á Íslandi við lágu sjálfsmati byggir mjög mikið á þessari (sú sem er notuð a LSH). Bókin er full af verkefnum og pælingum sem gott væri fyrir alla að lesa/gera og er í raun bara DIY hugræn atferlismeðferð sett fram á ótrúlega skýran hátt! Gott mótvægi við hinar fjölmörgu lélegu sjálfshjálparbækur sem til eru (og virðast vera í meirihluta í þeim bókaflokki).

[Clare · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been reading this sporadically since I started CBT therapy last November and I found it really informative. For me, it highlighted and put into words my feelings that I had trouble expressing. It also gave really good resources to help the reader struggling with low self-esteem. Sometimes I found it slightly dense, but I would recommend this to anyone who has low self-esteem.

[Don · Rating 5 out of 5]

A pretty thorough work, essentially a treatment manual. The author adapts CBT to treat low self-esteem, and I'm aware of two studies which have shown the program's effectiveness. The author places several demands on readers -- e.g., tons of record keeping assignments -- but I suppose true healing requires commitment and hard work.

[Jasmine · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I haven't yet (hopefully) done the exercises suggested in the book, they definitely seem like they could be quite helpful. Just having read the book I feel like I've been given plenty of useful advice that will help me change my thinking.

[Reda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very informative and helpful book, it has influenced the way I perceive myself. However, I expected more from this book. It's somewhat difficult to read, the structure is confusing, there's a lot of repetitive parts. The subject is great, but the execution needs clarity.

[Victor · Rating 5 out of 5]

pretty helpful

[Paul Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good for improvement the tool kit with plenty of mind management tools.

[RomanAClef · Rating 5 out of 5]

Я обожаю эту книгу. Мне она помогла. Лёгкий язык, повторяющиеся мысли в разных формулировках. Я увидела эту книгу в ссылке на статью о кейс-исследовании, в котором случайным людям какого-то центра психпомощи без психзаболеваний выдавали эту книжку. После её прочтения мне стало понятно, как себя любить, справляться с беспокойством, относиться к себе с участием, и менять жизнь под себя. Это внутренняя трансформация, когда совесть, желание, лень, боль, азарт обретают смысл. Когда внутренние убеждения, годами казавшиеся незыблемыми, становятся лишь одной из точек зрения. Когда я могу спросить себя "насколько я верю в то, что сейчас думаю?"

Понятие низкой самооценки в этой книге несколько иное, чем я раньше считала, хотя внешне разница не большая. Я считала, что говоря о низкой самооценке, мы говорим о том, насколько хорошо человек к себе относится. Но в книге низкая самооценка -- это замкнутый круг негативных эмоций и нерациональных действий. Он обычно появляется под действием внешней ситуации. Человек обрастает правилами, которые призваны не дать ему попасть в ситуацию, где это убеждение подтвердится. Происходит смещение в сторону отбора негативных фактов и предвзятого их оценивания как доказательство негативного убеждения. Также низкой самооценкой можно считать убеждения о враждебности, сложности, опасности, коварности мира.

Предложены техники, как ослабить действие этого круга, как определить свои правила и оценить их обоснованность и актуальность. Финальным шагом приведен разбор "Bottom Line" , которое я перевожу как "окончательный вердикт".

Каждая глава состоит из теории, практики и вопросов "что если у меня не получится X?"
В конце книги приведен краткий чеклист пройденных техник, и напутствие на будущее.

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whilst I wouldn't say my self esteem is through the floor, this book had many sentiments that made me think deeply and rewire my brain almost. I caught myself thinking negatively about myself, to myself, whilst reading this book which I was missing before, so that surprised me how subliminal and easily missed these messages were before. I think this book would be especially useful for anyone with very low self esteem whereby it's really impacting your quality of life.

This book requires a lot of work from you to get any real benefit out of it, so if you're not willing to put the work in, then it's not as useful. I didn't do the work but that was mostly because I wasn't feeling up to it, plus the e-book wasn't easily readable and links in the book led to nowhere, so I couldn't actually interact with the book as well as I probably would have if I had a printed copy. I read this through my library (BorrowBox) but I feel it's probably best in printed form so you can always come back to it and make notes as you go along.

I found the book to be slightly too long, mostly because it's very repetitive. I know that's kind of the point; to drill it into your head, but I found myself skipping some parts of it because she was simply repeating what I'd read and that was outside of the summaries.

The information about figuring out your bottom line felt new to me, but I wouldn't say this book offers more than maybe those CBT worksheets you can sometimes get online. I felt like maybe I should've done one of them instead of scouring through 450+ pages.

[Benoit Lelièvre · Rating 5 out of 5]

People are often looking for miracles when it comes to self-help or psychology books. They want a thunderous "ah-HA" moment that will revolutionize their lives. This book doesn't offer that, but it offers clarity and insight on why people develop low self-esteem, how it works and how you can win the war against your brain.

British psychologist Melanie Fennell puts it in the simplest possible terms. You've developed a "bottom line". Some type of belief about yourself that makes you miserable and life rules, which are designed to work around that belief. If you feel incompetent, you're going to make a point of nailing every possible project you're working on and if you don't, you're going to feel like shit. If you feel unlovable, you're going to go out of your way to get people to love you and each rejection will hurt like shit. This abusive dynamic is at the core of your low self-esteem and Melanie Fennell developed a system in order to uproot it from your life.

I listened to an audiobook of this and I won't like, it made me drift to my own crap several times over, which is a good sign. I had to stop and put Fennell's ideas into perspective and really gained a better understanding of why I suck at liking myself. It's a book for those who want to do the work. Not for those who want it gift wrapped to them.

[Mari-Liis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Väga asjalik ja huvitav raamat. Loen seda raamatut juba pea kaks aastat. Mul oli see e-raamatuna olemas ja üle poole ka loetud, aga kuna mulle kuidagi ei istunud tahvlist lugemine, siis jäi see sinnapaika. Kui 2019 suvel nägin seda raamatut allahinnatuna müügis, siis teadsin, et see on märk. Ostsin ja hakkasin lugema, aga ikka jäi pooleni. Kuniks ma nüüd mõtlesin, et loen selle lõpuks läbi ja väärt oli, et ma end kokku võtsin ja läbi lugesin. Samas võibolla raamat teadis, et nüüd on õige hetk minu juurde tulla?
Autor pakub välja huvitavaid viise, kuidas saada võitu madalast enesehinnangust. Soovitaksin kohe raamatu alguses võtta kõrvale paberid ja pliiatsi ning hakata erinevaid skeeme ja tabeleid kohe kaasa tegema. Mina seda muidugi ei teinud ja sellepärast ilmselt lasen raamatul mõne aja seedida ning võtan uuesti käsile. Aga hoolimata sellest, et ma kohe erinevaid ülesandeid kaasa ei teinud jäid mõned meelde ning ikka praktiseerin oma elus.

[Tori Dillan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I actually liked this book a lot more than I thought I was going to. I was reading it quickly before the year was up in case I wanted to return it through Audible, but instead, I want to sit down and re listen to it whilst writing out all of the tasks set out in each chapter.

The audible book is a shortened version of talks, but from some of the reviews I can see people think the hard copy book is long and repetitive, so I’m glad I have the audible. It’s short, precise and lays out what you need to do specifically in each chapter.

I can’t comment on whether the tasks work yet as I think it would be unfair to review this unless I’ve properly intertwined them into my daily life for a good amount of time to see if they make a difference. Therefore, I hope to come back and update this review in a years time.

[Emma Ioana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very useful and detailed. It's more like a guide to self therapy than a book to read (it's literally written in the title but I feel like people don't usually take that too literally since most of the ones that claim to be self-help guides are not very good self-help guides or literal self-help guides). This is a real self-help guide.

The problem with it is that I found it really repetitive and unnecessarily long because of that. I got very bored and it became a dread to continue reading it.

However, I think it's a must have for help with self-esteem, especially for people that take longer to understand concepts and have zero knowledge of psychology or psychotherapy.

There may be a better guide out there, so I will say that it's essential only in the absence of a shorter, more concise and to-the-point guide.

[Eman A · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely wont expect my self esteem to be boosted immediately after or just by reading a book.

It does, however, provide really useful principles, examples and exercises that prompt you to challenge your thoughts.

It also mentioned how things don't always work, how sometimes you can hardly find any explanation for your thoughts or events in your life and emphasized how you should keep going; as something like low self-esteem that has been there for long time in your life wont disappear easily.

But to get the benefit of all this, it needs motivation and persistence; continuing to apply the principles and not stopping when faced with disappointments.

[Elliot Larsson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Jag finner det intressant att läsa självhjälpsböcker ur ett analyserande perspektiv, och av de självhjälpsböcker jag har läst var faktiskt denna förvånansvärt bra. För någon som genuint vill jobba på sin självkänsla är denna bok en väldigt grundlig och pedagogisk bok för det, utan massa ”krimskrams” som jag kan tycka att många andra böcker kan ha. Den har konkreta övningar med tydliga exempel.

Sen tyckte jag att den var väldigt repetitivt, men det är ju också så det är när det kommer till att ställa om sitt tankesätt.

[MRS ALISON JONES · Rating 5 out of 5]

Invaluable

This book takes you closely and sensitively through the possible reasons for your low self-esteem, and gives practical ideas and advice for how to address thought patterns & behaviours, enabling you to be free from misconceptions & barriers to discovering your true worth. With exercises to work through at your own pace, I can honestly say this book has changed my life!

[Sumaiya · Rating 5 out of 5]

Abandonment for me is a huge topic. Abandonment can be anything from your parents leaving you or me also experiencing abandonment when your family structure also changes. So maybe dad will leave or mom will leave or there's a separation temporary, but just that change in what you're familiar with can be experienced as abandonment because your sense of belonging and your identity shifts a little bit. More information: https://youtu.be/4c4RZ1BZ9Lc

[Christine · Rating 4 out of 5]

An inspiring book.
Self-prejudice, Over-thinking, Self-criticism (toxic).
People who suffer from low self-esteem are incapable of seeing the whole pictures of their egos, simply seeing the ugly part that confirms their prejudice on themselves. They can't help collecting details of failures or setbacks even awkardness in their life to stress their negative cognition of themselves. For most people, the saying is "treat others in the way you would like to be treated", however the advice goes on the contrary for those people with low self-esteem, "treat yourself kindly as you treat others". Keep Discovering the lovely part of you, and concentrate on believing your discovery.

[Vasco · Rating 4 out of 5]

The bad: nothing in particular.

The good: a practical and helpful CBT-based guide for overcoming low-self esteem. It covers the basics from a CBT perspective, from belief transformation to examining your rules for living and your predictions about what will happen, going down into your core identity traits and reshaping those beliefs. Solid and informative manual.

[Ece · Rating 2 out of 5]

I find that rationalizing my feelings do not help. I even think it can do more harm than good. After a while, you start neglecting your "unhelpful" thoughts and feelings, which leads to not acknowledging them and not dealing with them. That's why CBT only works at first. Still, this book is not that bad in helping you reflect on your thinking patterns about yourself.

[Jaimini Mehta · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, this is a helpful book for the basics of CBT for self-esteem. It’s a good resource for those wanting to follow through with self help or to use as a guide for clinicians.
However, CBT comes with its own flaws, and sometimes it’s not as effective as the research makes out . I think the books are helpful in keeping the work focused but working with clients is never this straightforward.