What do you think?
Rate this book
Seven Royal Laws of Courtship
Practical advice for both the Knight in Training and the Princess in Waiting.
What Stay in the Castle offers in inspiration, the Seven Royal Laws of Courtship offers in practical instruction. This 44 page booklet introduces seven Biblical principles to help young people find and marry the person whom God has created for them.
What Stay in the Castle offers in inspiration, the Seven Royal Laws of Courtship offers in practical instruction. This 44 page booklet introduces seven Biblical principles to help young people find and marry the person whom God has created for them.
- GenresSpirituality
48 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2004
1 person is currently reading
40 people want to read
About the author
Jerry L. Ross
10 books24 followersPastor Jerry Ross was saved at a young age at Rock Run Baptist Church north of Brazil, Indiana. He was called to preach in 1979 shortly after graduating from Blessed Hope Baptist School in Jasonville, Indiana. He then attended Hyles-Anderson Bible College and graduated in 1987 with a B.S. in Pastoral Theology. He met his future wife, Sheryl, while in college and God has since blessed them with three daughters.
Pastor Ross has served in the gospel ministry since graduating from Bible college, first as the Pastor of Central Baptist Church in Brazil, Indiana, then as a full-time assistant pastor at Blessed Hope Baptist Church in Jasonville, Indiana, and now as the senior pastor of that same church. He has also authored several books and booklets including The Teenage Years of Jesus Christ, Stay in the Castle, and Grace Will Lead Me Home.
Pastor Ross has served in the gospel ministry since graduating from Bible college, first as the Pastor of Central Baptist Church in Brazil, Indiana, then as a full-time assistant pastor at Blessed Hope Baptist Church in Jasonville, Indiana, and now as the senior pastor of that same church. He has also authored several books and booklets including The Teenage Years of Jesus Christ, Stay in the Castle, and Grace Will Lead Me Home.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
February 9, 2016
1 Timothy 5:14-15 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
For some are already turned aside after Satan.
Words mean things. When a Christian writes a "practical' book for Christian young people and calls upon the 'Royal Laws' the implication is clear: he is trying to outline what God says about something. The 'laws' he proposes are the laws of the King: of God Himself. We can, with diligent search, find them in Scripture.
But these... are not. Not one of these supposed laws are Scriptural. They cannot be, for they claim to be laws of 'courtship', and no such thing exists in Scripture. They also suffer the rather annoying lack of being in the form of a 'law', but that is but a trivial detail compared to the fact, the sheer unfiltered fact, that not one of these laws is or can be Scriptural.
Nor are the 'laws' he writes down actually the 'laws' he proposes. They are all carefully written as 'I will' statements, disguising the actual 'law' or laws he proposes. For each of the 'I will' statements below one of the jobs of the reader is to discern the actual 'law' standing behind the 'I will'.
I WILL MARRY THE PERSON GOD CREATED FOR ME
Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
The first 'law' that Jerry Ross reveals in his 'Seven Laws of Courtship' he lists as 'By the grace of the Almighty God, I will marry the person God has created for me'. Sounds good but this 'law' is actually a tautology. God is sovereign over our actions. Each of us, when we marry, marry the person that 'God created for us', however foolishly we may have acted in getting there. Scripture says clearly: he who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD'. There may be a good deal of question as to how one should go about getting a wife but, once one is married, the questions are over. We have a wife, our duty now is to love and lead our wife in the way that Scripture commands.
What this 'law' implies, below the surface, is that there exists one perfect person, maybe, somewhere on Earth, and the goal of our 'courtship' must be to make sure that the person we are marrying is that person. Or, more accurately, to ensure that they aren't NOT that person. To make sure we aren't marrying the 'wrong' person. Because marrying the 'wrong' person, as he makes clear as he talks about this 'law', means ruining God's plan for the rest of our life.
But as there can be no Scriptural laws of courtship, as courtship is not Scriptural, this cannot be a Scriptural law. Not only does Scripture not teach a time of 'courting', and thus gives no rules for that time, it does not teach any such thing as the 'one person' whom one must marry or ruin God's plan for one's life. Instead God gives us instructions as to how a Christian should live, and love, even when the person one has married is not a believer! Scripture shows men marrying prostitutes, women marrying into the harem of unGodly rulers... and God being glorified in all of those difficult situations.
Like so many other of these supposed laws this one is not written in 'law' form. A law tells us what to do, or what not to do. Statements beginning 'I will' (or, to use his fuller form, 'by the Grace of God I will..." are not in law form. This format is much closer to those things we are supposed to do on January First... a 'resolution'.
But regardless of the form, this supposed law is supported by nothing in Scripture. It isn't one of God's laws, or Christ's teachings, or something the prophets went on about. This means that the details of this resolution get to be filled in by the authors own 'advice'. That is not the way a law works, and it is not the way good Scriptural exegesis works. When God says 'Thou shalt not kill' He commands, we obey. We look to the rest of Scripture to see how this works and works out. We see God punishing those who kill, and praising those who don't. We learn what His punishment is for murderers.
What Mr. Ross's supposed law actually means is 'make sure that you don't marry anyone except the person God created for you'. Even supposing that there is such a person, and only one such person, this boils down to applying some kind of test. And yet we are not (by God) given any such test, anywhere in Scripture. The only tests we have are from Mr. Ross and the other modern Christian preachers and writers who have invented 'Christian Courtship' and rejected what the Scripture actually says regarding marriage.
So in the end, like so many of courtships rules, this is really just a good way not to get married. An easy way to turn someone down: "I'm not sure you're the right person for me." How can one argue with that? And yet God does argue with it. In fact, he contradicts it.
I WILL ARRIVE AT THE MARRIAGE ALTAR MORALLY PURE
1 Corinthians 7:1-5 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
Mr. Ross's second law is ''By the grace of the Almighty God, I will arrive at the marriage altar morally pure'. Leaving aside the fact that this is, for the vast majority of humanity, not true; it is also, depending on how it is taken, a direct contradiction of Scripture. If it is taken as 'don't marry someone unless you are morally pure then God contradicts this:
1 Corinthians 7:8-9 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
Scripture treats getting married as something that is commanded for those who find they cannot remain morally pure. Or, in the words of the KJV translators, who 'cannot contain'. Scripture lists getting married as commanded for those who are struggling with sexual purity. How can it, then, at the same time, make sexual purity a requirement for getting married?
Let me be very clear: it should be the goal of every young man or woman to remain sexually pure. That is not the problem here. The problem is that the author joins many other modern Christians in proposing an unBiblical system of getting married, 'courtship', that is, itself, a volatile sexual relationship. And that as part of this system, instead of insisting that those who are struggling with sexual purity marry, as God commands them to do, he instead joins the chorus of those who say that that very same young man or woman is 'not ready' for marriage or 'not doing it right' when, in the course of this unBiblical path to marriage, they struggle with sexual temptation. The very thing which God says requires marriage, our modern writers say forbid it.
Ironically the actual 'laws' that the author proposes to support this statement pretty much all fall under the two fold problems of either a)Pharisaical rule making or b)attempting a contradiction. Courtship is, by its nature, a volatile sexual relationship. So our author is forced to make rule after rule for this sexual relationship to prevent it from being a... sexual relationship! 'Do not be alone' 'guard your heart'... all rules that, if applied outside of a sexual relationship, would make perfect sense. But when applied to two people who are literally in the process of trying to decide whether to marry each other... whether to have sex with each other for the rest of their lives... these rules are nonsensical. They totally ignore both the nature of the relationship and Jesus's statement about lust.
I WILL ARRIVE AT THE MARRIAGE ALTAR PREPARED TO FULFILL MY RESPONSIBILITIES AS A MARRIAGE PARTNER
Ephesians 5:25-28 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
His next 'law' has to do with being 'prepared for marriage'. Prepared, once you're married, to, well, be married. To do all of the marriage stuff. Great stuff. Nothing to do with courtship. What marriage is, true, Biblical, marriage, is a committment to, ummm, 'fulfil my responsibilities as a marriage partner'. It is a fact of marriage, not a law for how to get there.
And, once again, when you read the chapter discussing this supposed law, and similar chapters in similar books, you find that this, again, is really meant as a block to marriage. It should read 'I will not get married unless both my prospective spouse and I have checked off all thirty seven of the check boxes in the 'preparing to be married' chapter of our courtship handbook.' It is yet another way to delay or deny marriages. Marriages that God, Himself, sees a a good thing, a wonderful thing, and that He speaks of happening 'in youth'.
MY MARRIAGE WILL HAVE THE BLESSING OF BOTH SETS OF PARENTS AND OUR PASTORS
Jeremiah 29:6 Take ye wives, and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons, and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; that ye may be increased there, and not diminished.
Mr. Ross wants every marriage of every Christian young person to have the 'blessing' of both sets of parents and all of the pastors involved. Nice if you can get it, but not Biblical, and has nothing to with courtship. Indeed, as if anticipating the Biblical objection to his applying this to courtship he quickly, and without any Biblical warrant, claims that 'arranged marriages' (ie pretty much every marriage in Scripture) are 'not 'sound doctrine''.
Biblically speaking, given a normal marriage, the 'blessing' (ie permission) of the father of the bride is essential to marriage. A marriage without his permission is fornication, not marriage. And the 'blessing' of the father of the groom is a very Biblical thing (indeed altho it is not strictly speaking required, marriages in Scripture tend to start with the father of the groom 'taking a wife for his son'). Scripture says nothing at all about the 'blessing' of pastors, and certainly does not give them the kind of veto that this supposed 'law' demands.
Let us suppose that a given marriage has the 'blessing' of one set of parents and one pastor. Indeed let us say that that set of parents and that pastor think that the marriage is a good thing which should go ahead. But let us say the other set of parents and the other pastor disagrees. They do not give their 'blessing'. What is to happen? What is the young couple to do?
This supposed law then comes into force and we find that, once again, the false doctrine of courtship falls down on preventing another marriage. Here we have two sets of people disagreeing on what should happen, and the law falls down, as it always will, on the side of preventing or delaying marriage. Because the way this 'law' would read if it were truly a Biblical law would 'Thou shalt not marry unless...". Another unBiblical reason not to get married. or to delay marriage (until the final participant can be convinced).
I WILL HAVE GLORIFIED GOD AND MAINTAINED AN UNQUESTIONABLE CHRISTIAN TESTIMONY THROUGHOUT MY COURTSHIP
Ruth 3:1 Then Naomi her mother in law said unto her, My daughter, shall I not seek rest for thee, that it may be well with thee?
For sheer pride this prediction gets an A+. For practicality a D-. And for a Biblical requirement for courtship a solid F-.
Courtship is a volatile sexual relationship nowhere sanctioned or even mentioned in Scripture. We as Christians are called to glorify God throughout our entire life, in everything we do. But the way we do that is not by inventing strange new laws for strange new relationships. The way we do that is by reading and obeying God's Word. By obeying His laws, not inventing our own.
Scripture lists three stages that a young man or woman is to go through vis a vis marriage: unmarried, betrothed, and fully married. No stages such as 'dating' or 'courting' are taught or exampled in Scripture. So by all means let us glorify God in all that we do, but not in courtship, because we shouldn't be in courtship. We should glorify God in the days before we are betrothed to a spouse. We should glorify God in our betrothal: when we have a spouse but wait anxiously to come together. And we should glorify God in our marriages, as we rejoice in the breasts of our wife, be fruitful and multiply, wash our wife in the word, train up our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord... and as we reflect the relationship between Christ and the church.
There is a call in Scripture, a very real and important call, for us to glorify God in everything we do. But there is no call in Scripture to glorify God during 'courtship', because there is no call in Scripture to court, or date, or be engaged.
I WILL GIVE MY PARTNER SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS AND PRACTICES REAL AGAPE LOVE
Ephesians 5:29-31 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
Understanding and practicing agape love, the kind of love that Christ calls us to, and that He demonstrated for us, is certainly be our goal. And for husbands it is commanded [Eph 5:25,25, 33; Col 3:19] that they should agape love their wives. Wives, who no doubt have the harder task, are commanded to phileo (Titus2:4] their husbands and children, and fear/reverence [phobeo; Eph 5:33] their husbands. But we are all called, every single Christian, to agape love our enemies, our neighbors, the Lord our God... all in reflection to the way that God loves us.
We are to agape love God and keep his commandments. All well and good. But what does this have to do with courtship?
1 Timothy 4:3 Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth.
Once again the answer comes back: delayed or denied marriages. This high and exalted calling, this life altering commandment and goal, is used as a reason to... not get married. The young people (particularly the young women) are warned not to marry someone (or even begin to court them!) unless they are absolutely sure that their proposed spouse will 'understand and practice agape love' in marriage. If, and only if, they accomplish this impossible task does Mr. Ross think they should get married.
ON MY WEDDING DAY, I WILL BE IN A POSITION TO FULFILL GOD'S SPECIFIC CALLING FOR MY LIFE
I Timothy 3:2-5 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;
Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous;
One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
(For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
"I will be in a position to fulfill God's specific calling for my life'. This is a fascinating statement. It is, on the face of it, a very true statement. First of all because, by the grace of God, we are always in a position to fulfill what He calls us to do, each moment of each day and going forward. And for the young man or woman getting married doubly so because, as God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone'. Many of God's callings, such as being fruitful and multiplying, and reflecting Christ and the church as husband and wife, are done only in marriage. Marriage is shown as the training ground for an elder.
But there is nothing about this that is a law, nor is there anything about this that is about courtship. Given that courtship is an unsanctioned volatile sexual relationship it would hardly seem likely that it would lead one to being more able to fulfill God's specific calling. No one in Scripture is seen as having been called to such a time for such a purpose... or for any purpose.
What this is, again, is a block to marriage. Once again the young person is challenged to know this to be true, for sure, or they are to 'break up'. Once again we have a delayed or denied marriage. Once again an unBiblical and, indeed, impassible, block is set in front of marriage.
ON THE WRONG FOOT
Psalm 128
A Song of degrees.
Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways.
For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.
Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.
Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD.
The LORD shall bless thee out of Zion: and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life.
Yea, thou shalt see thy children's children, and peace upon Israel.
When we start by assuming that something that is false is true it is difficult to arrive at anything true. In this case the author begun his search for 'Royal laws' by linking these proposed laws with a false, unBiblical system of getting married: courtship. And he begins by abandoning what Scripture actually does say regarding marriage; inventing, instead unBiblical precepts and predictions. For example he says, "Although it is sad to say, I believe Satan and the demons of hell dance and celebrate at many a Christian young person's wedding." Oh? And we find that in Scripture where?
The Scriptures, unlike the books on courtship, place a very high value on marriage. On actually getting married. Getting married young, having lots of children, and blessing your spouse all your life. The Scriptures, unlike the books on courtship, do not go on and on with reasons why one shouldn't get married; but instead with reasons why one should. The books on courtship warn the young women against the man who is struggling with fornication; the Scriptures say 'let them marry'.
For some are already turned aside after Satan.
Words mean things. When a Christian writes a "practical' book for Christian young people and calls upon the 'Royal Laws' the implication is clear: he is trying to outline what God says about something. The 'laws' he proposes are the laws of the King: of God Himself. We can, with diligent search, find them in Scripture.
But these... are not. Not one of these supposed laws are Scriptural. They cannot be, for they claim to be laws of 'courtship', and no such thing exists in Scripture. They also suffer the rather annoying lack of being in the form of a 'law', but that is but a trivial detail compared to the fact, the sheer unfiltered fact, that not one of these laws is or can be Scriptural.
Nor are the 'laws' he writes down actually the 'laws' he proposes. They are all carefully written as 'I will' statements, disguising the actual 'law' or laws he proposes. For each of the 'I will' statements below one of the jobs of the reader is to discern the actual 'law' standing behind the 'I will'.
I WILL MARRY THE PERSON GOD CREATED FOR ME
Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
The first 'law' that Jerry Ross reveals in his 'Seven Laws of Courtship' he lists as 'By the grace of the Almighty God, I will marry the person God has created for me'. Sounds good but this 'law' is actually a tautology. God is sovereign over our actions. Each of us, when we marry, marry the person that 'God created for us', however foolishly we may have acted in getting there. Scripture says clearly: he who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD'. There may be a good deal of question as to how one should go about getting a wife but, once one is married, the questions are over. We have a wife, our duty now is to love and lead our wife in the way that Scripture commands.
What this 'law' implies, below the surface, is that there exists one perfect person, maybe, somewhere on Earth, and the goal of our 'courtship' must be to make sure that the person we are marrying is that person. Or, more accurately, to ensure that they aren't NOT that person. To make sure we aren't marrying the 'wrong' person. Because marrying the 'wrong' person, as he makes clear as he talks about this 'law', means ruining God's plan for the rest of our life.
But as there can be no Scriptural laws of courtship, as courtship is not Scriptural, this cannot be a Scriptural law. Not only does Scripture not teach a time of 'courting', and thus gives no rules for that time, it does not teach any such thing as the 'one person' whom one must marry or ruin God's plan for one's life. Instead God gives us instructions as to how a Christian should live, and love, even when the person one has married is not a believer! Scripture shows men marrying prostitutes, women marrying into the harem of unGodly rulers... and God being glorified in all of those difficult situations.
Like so many other of these supposed laws this one is not written in 'law' form. A law tells us what to do, or what not to do. Statements beginning 'I will' (or, to use his fuller form, 'by the Grace of God I will..." are not in law form. This format is much closer to those things we are supposed to do on January First... a 'resolution'.
But regardless of the form, this supposed law is supported by nothing in Scripture. It isn't one of God's laws, or Christ's teachings, or something the prophets went on about. This means that the details of this resolution get to be filled in by the authors own 'advice'. That is not the way a law works, and it is not the way good Scriptural exegesis works. When God says 'Thou shalt not kill' He commands, we obey. We look to the rest of Scripture to see how this works and works out. We see God punishing those who kill, and praising those who don't. We learn what His punishment is for murderers.
What Mr. Ross's supposed law actually means is 'make sure that you don't marry anyone except the person God created for you'. Even supposing that there is such a person, and only one such person, this boils down to applying some kind of test. And yet we are not (by God) given any such test, anywhere in Scripture. The only tests we have are from Mr. Ross and the other modern Christian preachers and writers who have invented 'Christian Courtship' and rejected what the Scripture actually says regarding marriage.
So in the end, like so many of courtships rules, this is really just a good way not to get married. An easy way to turn someone down: "I'm not sure you're the right person for me." How can one argue with that? And yet God does argue with it. In fact, he contradicts it.
I WILL ARRIVE AT THE MARRIAGE ALTAR MORALLY PURE
1 Corinthians 7:1-5 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
Mr. Ross's second law is ''By the grace of the Almighty God, I will arrive at the marriage altar morally pure'. Leaving aside the fact that this is, for the vast majority of humanity, not true; it is also, depending on how it is taken, a direct contradiction of Scripture. If it is taken as 'don't marry someone unless you are morally pure then God contradicts this:
1 Corinthians 7:8-9 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
Scripture treats getting married as something that is commanded for those who find they cannot remain morally pure. Or, in the words of the KJV translators, who 'cannot contain'. Scripture lists getting married as commanded for those who are struggling with sexual purity. How can it, then, at the same time, make sexual purity a requirement for getting married?
Let me be very clear: it should be the goal of every young man or woman to remain sexually pure. That is not the problem here. The problem is that the author joins many other modern Christians in proposing an unBiblical system of getting married, 'courtship', that is, itself, a volatile sexual relationship. And that as part of this system, instead of insisting that those who are struggling with sexual purity marry, as God commands them to do, he instead joins the chorus of those who say that that very same young man or woman is 'not ready' for marriage or 'not doing it right' when, in the course of this unBiblical path to marriage, they struggle with sexual temptation. The very thing which God says requires marriage, our modern writers say forbid it.
Ironically the actual 'laws' that the author proposes to support this statement pretty much all fall under the two fold problems of either a)Pharisaical rule making or b)attempting a contradiction. Courtship is, by its nature, a volatile sexual relationship. So our author is forced to make rule after rule for this sexual relationship to prevent it from being a... sexual relationship! 'Do not be alone' 'guard your heart'... all rules that, if applied outside of a sexual relationship, would make perfect sense. But when applied to two people who are literally in the process of trying to decide whether to marry each other... whether to have sex with each other for the rest of their lives... these rules are nonsensical. They totally ignore both the nature of the relationship and Jesus's statement about lust.
I WILL ARRIVE AT THE MARRIAGE ALTAR PREPARED TO FULFILL MY RESPONSIBILITIES AS A MARRIAGE PARTNER
Ephesians 5:25-28 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
His next 'law' has to do with being 'prepared for marriage'. Prepared, once you're married, to, well, be married. To do all of the marriage stuff. Great stuff. Nothing to do with courtship. What marriage is, true, Biblical, marriage, is a committment to, ummm, 'fulfil my responsibilities as a marriage partner'. It is a fact of marriage, not a law for how to get there.
And, once again, when you read the chapter discussing this supposed law, and similar chapters in similar books, you find that this, again, is really meant as a block to marriage. It should read 'I will not get married unless both my prospective spouse and I have checked off all thirty seven of the check boxes in the 'preparing to be married' chapter of our courtship handbook.' It is yet another way to delay or deny marriages. Marriages that God, Himself, sees a a good thing, a wonderful thing, and that He speaks of happening 'in youth'.
MY MARRIAGE WILL HAVE THE BLESSING OF BOTH SETS OF PARENTS AND OUR PASTORS
Jeremiah 29:6 Take ye wives, and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons, and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; that ye may be increased there, and not diminished.
Mr. Ross wants every marriage of every Christian young person to have the 'blessing' of both sets of parents and all of the pastors involved. Nice if you can get it, but not Biblical, and has nothing to with courtship. Indeed, as if anticipating the Biblical objection to his applying this to courtship he quickly, and without any Biblical warrant, claims that 'arranged marriages' (ie pretty much every marriage in Scripture) are 'not 'sound doctrine''.
Biblically speaking, given a normal marriage, the 'blessing' (ie permission) of the father of the bride is essential to marriage. A marriage without his permission is fornication, not marriage. And the 'blessing' of the father of the groom is a very Biblical thing (indeed altho it is not strictly speaking required, marriages in Scripture tend to start with the father of the groom 'taking a wife for his son'). Scripture says nothing at all about the 'blessing' of pastors, and certainly does not give them the kind of veto that this supposed 'law' demands.
Let us suppose that a given marriage has the 'blessing' of one set of parents and one pastor. Indeed let us say that that set of parents and that pastor think that the marriage is a good thing which should go ahead. But let us say the other set of parents and the other pastor disagrees. They do not give their 'blessing'. What is to happen? What is the young couple to do?
This supposed law then comes into force and we find that, once again, the false doctrine of courtship falls down on preventing another marriage. Here we have two sets of people disagreeing on what should happen, and the law falls down, as it always will, on the side of preventing or delaying marriage. Because the way this 'law' would read if it were truly a Biblical law would 'Thou shalt not marry unless...". Another unBiblical reason not to get married. or to delay marriage (until the final participant can be convinced).
I WILL HAVE GLORIFIED GOD AND MAINTAINED AN UNQUESTIONABLE CHRISTIAN TESTIMONY THROUGHOUT MY COURTSHIP
Ruth 3:1 Then Naomi her mother in law said unto her, My daughter, shall I not seek rest for thee, that it may be well with thee?
For sheer pride this prediction gets an A+. For practicality a D-. And for a Biblical requirement for courtship a solid F-.
Courtship is a volatile sexual relationship nowhere sanctioned or even mentioned in Scripture. We as Christians are called to glorify God throughout our entire life, in everything we do. But the way we do that is not by inventing strange new laws for strange new relationships. The way we do that is by reading and obeying God's Word. By obeying His laws, not inventing our own.
Scripture lists three stages that a young man or woman is to go through vis a vis marriage: unmarried, betrothed, and fully married. No stages such as 'dating' or 'courting' are taught or exampled in Scripture. So by all means let us glorify God in all that we do, but not in courtship, because we shouldn't be in courtship. We should glorify God in the days before we are betrothed to a spouse. We should glorify God in our betrothal: when we have a spouse but wait anxiously to come together. And we should glorify God in our marriages, as we rejoice in the breasts of our wife, be fruitful and multiply, wash our wife in the word, train up our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord... and as we reflect the relationship between Christ and the church.
There is a call in Scripture, a very real and important call, for us to glorify God in everything we do. But there is no call in Scripture to glorify God during 'courtship', because there is no call in Scripture to court, or date, or be engaged.
I WILL GIVE MY PARTNER SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS AND PRACTICES REAL AGAPE LOVE
Ephesians 5:29-31 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
Understanding and practicing agape love, the kind of love that Christ calls us to, and that He demonstrated for us, is certainly be our goal. And for husbands it is commanded [Eph 5:25,25, 33; Col 3:19] that they should agape love their wives. Wives, who no doubt have the harder task, are commanded to phileo (Titus2:4] their husbands and children, and fear/reverence [phobeo; Eph 5:33] their husbands. But we are all called, every single Christian, to agape love our enemies, our neighbors, the Lord our God... all in reflection to the way that God loves us.
We are to agape love God and keep his commandments. All well and good. But what does this have to do with courtship?
1 Timothy 4:3 Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth.
Once again the answer comes back: delayed or denied marriages. This high and exalted calling, this life altering commandment and goal, is used as a reason to... not get married. The young people (particularly the young women) are warned not to marry someone (or even begin to court them!) unless they are absolutely sure that their proposed spouse will 'understand and practice agape love' in marriage. If, and only if, they accomplish this impossible task does Mr. Ross think they should get married.
ON MY WEDDING DAY, I WILL BE IN A POSITION TO FULFILL GOD'S SPECIFIC CALLING FOR MY LIFE
I Timothy 3:2-5 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;
Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous;
One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
(For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
"I will be in a position to fulfill God's specific calling for my life'. This is a fascinating statement. It is, on the face of it, a very true statement. First of all because, by the grace of God, we are always in a position to fulfill what He calls us to do, each moment of each day and going forward. And for the young man or woman getting married doubly so because, as God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone'. Many of God's callings, such as being fruitful and multiplying, and reflecting Christ and the church as husband and wife, are done only in marriage. Marriage is shown as the training ground for an elder.
But there is nothing about this that is a law, nor is there anything about this that is about courtship. Given that courtship is an unsanctioned volatile sexual relationship it would hardly seem likely that it would lead one to being more able to fulfill God's specific calling. No one in Scripture is seen as having been called to such a time for such a purpose... or for any purpose.
What this is, again, is a block to marriage. Once again the young person is challenged to know this to be true, for sure, or they are to 'break up'. Once again we have a delayed or denied marriage. Once again an unBiblical and, indeed, impassible, block is set in front of marriage.
ON THE WRONG FOOT
Psalm 128
A Song of degrees.
Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways.
For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.
Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.
Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD.
The LORD shall bless thee out of Zion: and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life.
Yea, thou shalt see thy children's children, and peace upon Israel.
When we start by assuming that something that is false is true it is difficult to arrive at anything true. In this case the author begun his search for 'Royal laws' by linking these proposed laws with a false, unBiblical system of getting married: courtship. And he begins by abandoning what Scripture actually does say regarding marriage; inventing, instead unBiblical precepts and predictions. For example he says, "Although it is sad to say, I believe Satan and the demons of hell dance and celebrate at many a Christian young person's wedding." Oh? And we find that in Scripture where?
The Scriptures, unlike the books on courtship, place a very high value on marriage. On actually getting married. Getting married young, having lots of children, and blessing your spouse all your life. The Scriptures, unlike the books on courtship, do not go on and on with reasons why one shouldn't get married; but instead with reasons why one should. The books on courtship warn the young women against the man who is struggling with fornication; the Scriptures say 'let them marry'.
June 26, 2024
This is a good, short and practical book on courtship by a great pastor friend.
April 11, 2021
Amazing!! Any teenager 13 and up needs to read this! And maybe even younger!! Jerry Ross is an amazing teen author! Definitely suggest ANYONE to read it!!
July 31, 2013
Wow! I wish I'd had this little booklet when I was younger. It probably would have saved me from heartache and kept me from making foolish decisions. Unfortunately, I can't change the past.
However, I will have ALL my children read this. It is appropriate for both young men and young women. Seven Royal Laws of Courtship is Biblically based and helps young people figure out what they're looking for in a mate and what God wants for them. It offers practical advice and wisdom and encourages young persons to hold out for God's best and settle for nothing less.
If you have a young person whom you love, please buy this booklet for them. (I think it's just $3.00 on the author's website.) The information could prove invaluable and keep your loved one from a life of heartache.
P.S. This is my honest opinion. I do not know the author. I have never met him nor have I been to his church. I own a copy of this booklet and I HIGHLY RECOMMEND it.
However, I will have ALL my children read this. It is appropriate for both young men and young women. Seven Royal Laws of Courtship is Biblically based and helps young people figure out what they're looking for in a mate and what God wants for them. It offers practical advice and wisdom and encourages young persons to hold out for God's best and settle for nothing less.
If you have a young person whom you love, please buy this booklet for them. (I think it's just $3.00 on the author's website.) The information could prove invaluable and keep your loved one from a life of heartache.
P.S. This is my honest opinion. I do not know the author. I have never met him nor have I been to his church. I own a copy of this booklet and I HIGHLY RECOMMEND it.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews