Housewife: Why Women Still Do It All and What to Do Instead

by Lisa Selin Davis

The Rules of Womanhood, the Lies We’re Told, and the Choices We Have
 
The notion of “housewife” evokes strong reactions. For some, it’s nostalgia for a bygone era, simpler and better times when men were breadwinners and women remained home with the kids. For others, it’s a sexist, oppressive stereotype of women’s work. Either way, housewife is a long outdated concept—or is it?
  
Lisa Selin Davis, known for her smart, viral, feminist, cultural takes, argues that the “breadwinner vs. homemaker” divide is a myth. She charts examples from prehistoric female hunters to working class housewives in the 1930s, from First Ladies to 21st century stay-at-home moms, on a search for answers to the problems of what is referred to as women’s work and motherhood. Davis discovers that women have been sold a lie about what families should be. Housewife unveils a interdependence, rather than independence, is the American way.  
 
The book is a clarion call for all women—married or single, mothers or childless—and for men, too, to push for liberation.  In Housewife , Davis builds a case for systemic, cultural, and personal change, to encourage women to have the power to choose the best path for themselves.
 

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, History, Womens, Sociology, Audiobook, Gender

320 pages, Hardcover

First published March 5, 2024

About the author

I'm thrilled/incredibly nervous about my debut non-fiction book, TOMBOY: The Surprising History and Future of Girls Who Dare to Be Different, out 5/5/20 with Hachette. I've also written a YA novel called LOST STARS and a grown-up novel called BELLY, way back when. I'm written essays and articles for The New York Times, Time, The Wall Street Journal and many other publications. Before that I worked in film and TV, doing props and other art department jobs, including a four-year stint making props for Nickelodeon's Blue's Clues. I live in Brooklyn (but, hey, I moved here before it was cool) with my family. I love doing book clubs, so please reach out if you'd like me to visit virtually or IRL.

Reviews

[Beatrice Breckheimer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book felt very Fair-Play coded; I’m tired of reading about how women just need to “manage expectations for tasks” with their partners or “figure out how to balance motherhood”. 1) Why would you marry (and worse, have kids with) anyone you have to dictate tasks to and, 2) why are men not being asked these same questions? What makes motherhood different from fatherhood (other than societal expectations) that requires this level of reasoning?

While the book appeared well-researched (I enjoyed the Stephanie Coontz references throughout), I could tell I didn’t fully agree with the author’s viewpoint in the snippets of her commentary throughout the book. To be fair, she’s trying to change the conversation around “housewifery”, so we weren’t exactly on the same page to start, but I was able to put aside my thoughts throughout most of the book — until the last chapter. Because what’s her advice for the title of the book? To paraphrase: Women, step up - own your privilege (which I agree), take charge to change what you don’t like (giving Lean In vibes, but okay), and oh, “don’t nag your husband”. 🤢

In the last chapter, she highlights wanting to bring more attention to “women’s issues” like childcare for working moms — but, single parents nonwithstanding, child care is both women’s AND men’s issue. There is nothing inherently “woman” about any child-related issue — in the majority of cases, both a woman and man are involved in the creation of a child, resulting in child care concerning men and women both. IMO, the US is completely backward for not having govt-funded paid family leave — this should’ve happened years ago, & is more than needed now. However, unless this is reframed as it exists to a person issue — not just women — I don’t see enough progress being made.

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading Housewife feels like hanging out with your cool smart best friend. She’s come over with snacks and a bottle of wine and is talking you through the creation of society as women know it. It’s informative without feeling like someone is talking at you. Davis managed to work her way from hunter gatherer women allllll the way to the trad-wife TikTok community in less than 300 pages, a true literary feat. She highlighted the vulnerable situation women can find themselves in when becoming a mother and wife. The fine line they walk when they start making sacrifices for their husbands benefit, helping him to pursue a higher degree or put in more time at the office to further his career. Meanwhile these women typically put off finishing school or climbing the corporate ladder with plans to return when the children are a little older. By then they themselves are older and burned out from motherhood; feeling like it’s too late or realizing that it will be exponentially harder than it would have been before. All the while the goal post for women is constantly moving with the rules and expectations constantly contradicting themselves. Standards are high and every problem solved is quickly replaced by a new one society has just made up.

There was a lot of attention paid to the difference between who gets to be a housewife and who’s forced to be one. For the most part they were not the demure women sitting at home waiting for their husbands that that media has shown you. Historically there have been poor ethnic women leading the charge for better conditions both within their communities and for women as a whole. The attention paid specifically to statistics and inequalities of the black womans experience as the timelines progressed felt as equal and holistic as it could be.

I could go on and on recounting all the shocking facts and statistics I’ve learned from this but I’ll sum it up by saying I’m so happy this book exists. We all know that history has been filtered through a man’s perspective but it was fascinating to have a light shone on how much it still effects our lives and perceptions today. To see what has changed and what has painfully stayed the same. While it broke my heart for all the women who have come before me and for those in these situations now it also made me feel empowered. So much of the mythical housewife image that people aspire to be are fictionalized archetypes of femininity that have been taken out of context in a historical game of telephone. It like everything else these days is a performance but in it real things are lost or sacrificed. Women are so strong and are capable of making real change, especially when we work together and look out for each other. We have come so far but as we have seen play out time and time again cultural changes need to come with structural changes to be effective.

Thank you to NetGalley, Legacy Lit, and Lisa Selin Davis for my advanced e-copy!

[Brittany Sandy · Rating 3 out of 5]

When most women think of the term housewife, a very clear picture comes to mind. June Cleaver in the 1950s, managing her home, raising her children, cooking, cleaning, all while wearing her heels and pearls. The term is now extremely outdated, but why does the responsibility of the housewife still fall on the modern woman?

Reader beware: this book is EXTREMELY political. I was surprised how much political talk arose in this audiobook, and I probably wouldn't have picked it up if I had known. I will say that it's done in a respectful way. While I wouldn't say it's pushing a republican or democratic agenda per se, it definitley is pushing the agenda of supporting stay at home parents. I also feel that this book doesn't represent strong marriages where husband and wife take on responsibilities together. There were many stories of wives who had to do it all and were left in the dust by their partners only to find themselves without money and the expectation to raise their children. I didn't hate the book, but I didn't love it either.

Thank you NetGalley for the ARC of this audiobook!

[Melissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Probably a 2.5

I agreed with some of the ideas and disagreed with others. I just really thought the book was written poorly. I felt like her ideas weren't well developed, thought out, or expressed. I also felt like some things were repetitive. I wouldn't recommend this book. There are many other books on similar topics that are much better.

I will say I am a stay at home mom who is also a feminist. When I picked up this book, I wasn't sure if I'd find anything that I would relate to. I did find a few things I could relate to, but in general, the book mainly talks about the "tradwife" type of stay at home moms/wives. It felt like a big point she expressed was that you can't be a feminist and a stay at home person. That is a highly aggravating POV and a stereotype that I wish was debunked. If that wasn't her point of view, I wouldn't be able to tell because her writing was ineffective and unclear at times. I do get her point that the government should help support families, and I definitely agree with her on that.

[Tiger Mom · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ugh. Thought it sounded like an interesting premise but it was a series of anecdotes with the eventual solution of universal government-subsidized childcare. Bc public schools are so great? Basically a socialist manifesto!

[CatReader · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lisa Selin Davis is an American nonfiction and fiction writer; her 2024 book Housewife is an exploration into the history and potential future of the (American) housewife, particularly the housewife raising kids with or without a partner and takes on the primary/sole and unpaid job of managing a household, whether or not they also bring in income through other channels. Selin Davis' motivation for writing this book was realizing how exhausted and generally unsupported she felt when she became a mother in her late 30s and found it very challenging to juggle her freelance career with childcare and household management, both from a personal level (though she generally describes her husband as supportive and her marriage as fairly egalitarian) and from an American societal/infrastructural level.

There's a lot of political frustration in this book that colors Selin Davis' perspective and scope. She particularly rails against the rightward turn society has taken in the Trump era over the last ten years (of note, this book was published before Trump's second presidential win in late 2024), and how social support for housewives and women in general hasn't improved and in many cases has worsened (i.e., the overturning of Roe v Wade). I think a more global and longitudinal perspective might have been useful here -- while I agree that the US could and should be doing more to support women and women's rights, thankfully US women aren't cast out of their homes and forced to sleep outside, using all sorts of unsanitary and abrasive products, during our times of the month, like modern day girls and women in some countries (see Rose George's Nine Pints: A Journey Through the Money, Medicine, and Mysteries of Blood), and that we have the right to vote, own property, and have our own financial accounts, unlike our not-so-distant generations. Even in countries with more robust social support, housewives and mothers still struggle, and the US is hardly the worst country in the world in which to be a woman or mother.

I think strengths of this book included Selin Davis' nuanced exploration of the social media popularity of traditional wives (aka tradwives) and her arguments for why American presidential spouses should be paid. Re: tradwives, I agree with Selin Davis' perspective that there's nothing inherently wrong in freely choosing a lifestyle that involves being a full-time homemaker +/- parent and deferring other other responsibilities to one's partner; the issue is that it can be disingenuous, gauche, and problematic to falsely glamorize this lifestyle in an attempt promote this to others (aka, influencing). Though Selin Davis treated this topic with openness, she was markedly less open and more derisive to the views of a new mom she interviewed who was on the opposite side of the political spectrum.

Overall, this book was a mixed bag; I would have appreciated more balance and context and perhaps some editing to reduce repetitiveness.

Further reading: modern motherhood and womanhood
The New Age of Sexism: How AI and Emerging Technologies Are Reinventing Misogyny by Laura Bates
What Happened to Millennials: In Defense of a Generation by Charlie Wells (for its interesting discussion of a stay-at-home father)
Four Mothers: An Intimate Journey through the First Year of Parenthood in Four Countries by Abigail Leonard
Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez
I Cannot Control Everything Forever: A Memoir of Motherhood, Science, and Art by Emily Bloom

My statistics:
Book 6 for 2026
Book 2312 cumulatively

[Abby Tait · Rating 4 out of 5]

I went into this with an open mind and really enjoyed it! Davis doesn’t really argue about whethr women should be housewives or find joy outside the home - it’s much more about how we understand and shape our ideas about women’s roles in the home and society at large. While it’s definitely USA-centric, Davis walks us through the history of what how we’ve come to understand and conceptualize the ‘housewife’ and how it remains a pervasive part of our society today - from prehistoric times, all the way to the tradwife trend on social media. It’s very well-researched while still being conversational and interesting. She covers lots of themes that you’d expect, but also a ton you wouldn’t expect.

Women often never win in the ever-present battle about what labour is valuable; what contributions to society are deemed worthwhile; and whether women truly can ‘have it all’. Build a successful career - how could you let someone else raise your kids? Stay at home and raise kids, why aren’t you contributing and earning your own money?

For much of history, men could be independent because they relied on women’s dependence. The man’s ’productive labour’ and fulfillment of their suburban, picket-fence dream relied (and continues to rely) on women’s unseen labour. The author posits that it’s about community and interdependence; even as someone not pursuing the picket fence dream, it was a really informative and engaging read.

Also a friendly reminder to my girls out there - you’re not his mom. He should help without being told/asked/bugged lol <3

[Jessica Hicks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy research! Lisa Selin Davis thought of literally every topic related to the unpaid work women do and masterfully put it all together into one succinct book. I learned that Paleolithic women shared the burden of hunting equally with men. I got the impression that the government and businesses in America prioritize employing men over employing women. Men are more likely to get raises if they have kids whereas women are less likely to be hired at all. And a lot of women out there don’t work because they can’t afford the childcare. Our culture of independence breeds isolation and we’ve got a bunch of depressed women because of it. The end of the book made me cry when Lisa told me, “You were never meant to do this alone.” Thank you for the gifted copy, Grand Central Pub.

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

After Lisa Davis became a mother she found it was extremely hard to work enough to pay for childcare, so she ended up taking a break from her career but also bristled as the label "housewife." For most people the term "housewife" brings a very specific image to mind - 1950's June Cleever type who vacuums in heels and greets her husband at the door with a martini in hand for him. Davis dives into all things Housewife and proves that what many people harken back to as "the good old days" never really existed and was actually a created image more than an actual way of life for many people. While she does bring up several good points throughout the book, I didn't love it. I felt like she was disappointed in her own career path (a low paying job whether you have kids or not) and conflicted about having the privilege of not working full time. Her husband seemed pretty good, so it's not like he wasn't helping with the kids and chores anyway. To me the whole vibe of the book was her personal conflict about motherhood and her career choice. It was also more political than I would have preferred but I think some of that was the time - Trump's election, the newer promoting of the whole "tradwife" trend, and then COVID. Overall, I didn't love it and I think many of her suggestions are pie-in-the-sky things that will likely never happen (universal income, or retirement funds for stay at home parents). But, I do think any/all workplaces should offer parental leave and BOTH genders should be encouraged to use ALL of it with no fear of retribution or career suicide - this would set up fathers to be more involved from the start and not just dump stuff on the mother because she's "better" at taking care of the kids. I just didn't love this one.

Some quotes I did like:

"In September 2020 alone - just in time for school to start, or not start, as the case was for most - 865,000 women dropped out or were forced out of the workforce, four times the number of men." (p. xvii)

"In the early to mid-twentieth century, the bulk of hospitalized mental patients were men. But by 1942, 75 percent of Freeman and Watts's lobotomy patients were women. A 1951 study of American hospitals found that 60 percent of lobotomies were performed on women. In another study, of Stockton State Hospital's lobotomy program between 1947 and 1954, 245 lobotomies were performed. Despite the fact that there were more male patients in the hospital - many diagnosed with schizophrenia, a common indication for lobotomy at the time - 84 percent of the lobotomies were performed on women. Thirteen of the fourteen patients who received multiple lobotomies were female." (p. 79)

"But the book [The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan] wasn't just about her personal grudge. It was about the limits of the cultural project of the 1950s: to keep certain classes of women, particularly the educated ones, off the corporate ladder so men retained the room to climb it, while also excluding less wealthy classes of women from the luxury of housewifery." (p. 95)

"Still, wives' suicide rates dropped by as much as 13 percent after no-fault divorce was adopted, and domestic violence rates within married couples fell 30 percent." (p. 108)

[Jennifer Howard]

From my Washington Post review: "Housewives have been stereotyped, suburbanized, lobotomized, medicated, politicized, sexualized, idealized, sentimentalized and sensationalized (see the Real Housewives franchise) — everything but supported by policies and partners that recognize the value of domestic labor, whoever performs it. That Lisa Selin Davis chose “Housewife” as the title of her new book signals an intention to venture onto treacherous ground.

But the title may be the most provocative thing about “Housewife.” If you’re in need of a cathartic read that distills the anger and exhaustion of America’s overburdened mothers and wives, this is not the book for you. Instead, Davis offers a tour — part history, part sociology, part memoir — of the mucky middle where many women find themselves stuck, bogged down by sexist expectations, economic and practical constraints, and competing desires."

Full review here: https://wapo.st/439Ok2S

[Since I reviewed the book for the Post, I'm not going to rate it here.]

[Courtney · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book incredibly engaging. It was able to seamlessly blend narratives, facts and historical accounts into one palatable bite.

Thank grand central publishing for this complimentary copy.

[Carly B · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had potential, but its downfall is that it was written by an “essayist and journalist” rather than a historian or sociologist, and that was quite clear.

I could not gather the motivation behind her research methods or structure. There were some interesting historical bits in the beginning, but then the book morphed into a bunch of random examples of women she “spoke with.” How? Why were they chosen? What was the organizational principle here? It reminded me of business books written by leadership coaches and the like, composed of a few grounding themes and then filled out with a bunch of examples from their own clients. Like: ok, cool, but that shouldn’t really qualify as all of your “research.”

She also seemed really scared of being called racist, but to the point that race was never truly interrogated herein; it was treated more like: “and if you think that white lady had it bad, just think about Black women!” And kinda left like that without any meaty sections or chapters undergirding the historical roots at play in a society rife with systemic racism.

[Madison ✨ (mad.lyreading) · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book on the history of the concept of the housewife and the actual lives of "housewives" throughout time. This book was extremely smart and very easy to read, and it was pretty well rounded. I think Davis did a great job at examining a stereotypically white role without acknowledging the role race plays, and she did a great job at covering the newly created concept of the "trad wife" respectfully. I breezed through this audiobook, as the narration was well done and the writing flowed very well. For those who like feminist history, I would highly recommend.

Thank you to Hachette Audio and Netgalley for an audio ARC in exchange for a review.

[CJ · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was good and at times insightful, though much of it covered familiar ground for me on this issue. Also anyone who thinks this is closet reactionary propaganda needs a serious reality check.

[Kristin · Rating 3 out of 5]

More like 3.5. Best chapters were about housewives’ collective actions like boycotts.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good look at where we came from, but nothing ground-breaking.

[Janine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m not a big non-fiction reader, but I try to read at least two or three throughout the year if I can. This was a non-fiction book that I was excited for because it focuses on the history of housewives and how we can change society so that women aren’t expected to do everything.

This book spoke to me on a personal level as a mom, but even if you’re not a parent, I think it’s worth a read. There were so many eye-opening stories from women and men about their own exhausting experiences when it comes to marriage/family responsibilities and expectations.

Those interview stories were what really drew me in, but the author also included a lot of interesting citations and pieces of history that kept me invested as well.

I saw quite a few reviews on Goodreads where readers weren’t happy about how political this book was. But I don’t really understand how you could write about this topic and not make it political. I also felt that the author handled the subject matter well.

If you’re interested in the archetype of the housewife, I’d recommend you give this book a try.

Thank you to Grand Central Publishing for my gifted copy!

[Jennifer Wardlaw · Rating 4 out of 5]

Being a housewife was never my dream, but after striving for occupational goals and coming up empty in every aspect except job title, I really began to evaluate my mindset on success. As a lifelong learner, this book really called to me.

Diving into the history of gender roles and the successes and limitations of women’s movements throughout time really highlighted my personal conflicts while helping me identify with women whose ideologies differ from my own. Although I suspect Lisa and I would agree on a significant number of political points, I applaud her efforts to bring differing groups together on a highly politicized topic for the benefit of greater society.

[Becca Buncie]

While I am not a housewife, nor a mother, I found this to be an interesting look at social and societal norms surrounding marriage and motherhood. It touches on why women tend to take on more of the household and child-rearing responsibilities and how we can work to change this norm in the future.

[Lindsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5/5

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, this book was so good! It was fascinating learning about the history of housewives throughout the decades and seeing how we got to where we are now. I will be pushing the idea of interdependence now to everyone! Another huge take away for me from the book is the idea that community and government assistance should be “… seen as a necessity for the greater good…”. Wow, that was just so clearly put that it blew my mind. I loved this book!

[a · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5*

pretty interesting topic and exploration of the expectations on women but i felt mostly disconnected since it mostly talks from a USA point of view

[Kristina Lynn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting but very surface level imo. Some of the opinions shared by the housewives and husband she interviewed were eyebrow raising and made me eyeroll but I get she wanted to share different viewpoints. I also didn’t really get if there was a thesis of the book, it just seemed to sort of go off on different tangents.

[Marinna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally, what I would call a non-polarizing look at the work women do! 5 glowing stars to Housewife! Be it working in the home or out of the home, women are faced with a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' situation. All women are trying their hardest to be happy and make life work for their family and I think Lisa Selin Davis drives this point home. In her beautiful look at women through centuries, Housewife allows readers to understand that with greater freedoms have come greater expectations.

I loved the history explored in the book. I was fascinated learning about prehistoric women being involved in hunting, to finding out that many lobotomies were performed on housewives! Selin Davis details women's history in a bipartisan way that I believe is much needed. Too many feminist books have been polarizing in their approach and have felt like a lot of complaining and passing the buck to someone else to do the work. Although there's no easy way to solve the issues that women face, it is helpful to understand that there is not a one size fits all approach to motherhood. How incredibly validating to all the women who keep our society going whether it's raising the next generation, working outside the home, or something in between.

Thank you to Grand Central Publishing, Legacy Lit, and Net Galley for the ARC of this book!

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was literally just talking to my husband about how I could find more information about what housewife’s life looked like back in the day when I heard about this book on a podcast and knew I needed to read it. Lisa goes over the different ways women were part of a society from as far back as the prehistoric female hunters but mainly focuses on the 1930-50’s comparison. I feel like this book touched on so many important topics and was fascinated on the chapter about trans women and stay at home dads.

I personally think the added technology overload is pushing me to my tipping point. Just getting the amount of emails and texts I get regarding my children is enough to set my brain on fire and is constantly making me say to myself "you don't need to do it all." But I'm starting to get mad that I even have to constantly remind myself that. Yet another thing to add to my to-do list. Remind self daily that you don't need to respond to these 10 messages but you will need to respond to these 10. Then pat self on the back for not having to do it all. Check.

The most important societal change I have seen is that some companies are starting to offer both parents (if there are 2) 3 months off after the child is born to help share the duties. My brother was offered parental leave after his baby was born and it made all the difference for bonding with the baby and helping get the kids needs met as a team. BUT...As far as paid time and medical coverage after a new baby is born, it would be nice if that was run through the state or government since half of us are SELF EMPLOYED or not employed and we would need to be paid too. I feel like it would take the pressure off the business owner to allow for the time if it didn't have to come out of their pocket.

I guess what I also want to know more about and I’m not sure if it was talked about enough in this book, are the stay at home side hustler stretching ourselves thin? For example, working and mothering leaves you no time for forming a community. And finding a community has probably been the backbone to how this whole operation works if you stay at home. Preschools have a built in community because they are a central location where all the kids hang out. But what about those who are home raising the kids? Maybe it is just that I live in a big city, but I have found it extremely hard to find a community even though I have put myself out there. People are just "too busy" to make time to hang out.

In reading this book, I was also hoping to know a bit more about housewives social lives. How much time did a housewife/home person spend with their friends back in the day? It seems like whenever a mother has free time these days, she feels like she has to fill it with a job or plan a trip or book a summer camp. But what about just basic time to hang out with her friends(kids in tow if they have them)? Why isn't taking care of ourselves first not the most important thing for most of us?

At the end of this book Lisa suggests that we don’t do it alone. I’m an extrovert and have tried many different ways to find a community to be part of my children’s lives, but it has been like pulling teeth. I think that is why churches and sports are so popular, they are weekly with the same people. I am not religious nor sporty and I am having trouble finding this type of group where my children are welcome. Just seeing one friend every other month for dinner isn’t cutting it. Or a book club once a month, it’s something but not enough. Even the grandparents had a hard time committing to one day a week, too much for them as they just retired and want to feel life with no schedule. I will not stop trying and now that my kids are older, I have more options of when I can leave to meet up with others and actually have a deep discussion and for that, I am grateful.

Clearly, this book has given me much room to think about how we got here as a society and ways to think about my life moving forward. Thanks Lisa! Here are some of my favorite parts:

“We should create a society where raising children is valued and valuable because, even if we look through a capitalist lens, we need workers. We need kids to grow up and work and pay into Social Security. We need good citizens, and to create good citizens, we need good parents…”

“…Learn to act more like happily divorced people.”

“When Charlie reads an article about a woman wanting more help around the house or with the kids, it always seems to be that the woman wants things done in a particular way and is furious at the man if he doesn’t comply with her exact desires. And part of it, he thinks, is that Gen X has popularized some idea that we must project-manage our children. That we and they must always be doing something, injecting ourselves every step of the way to make our presence known so our kids know they’re loved. It’s the fallout from intensive mothering- or, as Charlie would call it-intensive parenting- and sets fathers up for failure, too.”

"We need to enact policies that allow women to be housewives yet build a society in which no woman has to be one.”

“Wired for clans, humans are social creatures who were never intended to live alone in these nuclear families.”

[Belle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Took me just two days! Davis writes with so much humor and clarity that it's hard not to be engrossed in this comprehensive (but accessible!) history of the housewife—her political leanings, her cultural construction, and her complex, often contradictory feelings. I appreciate how well she managed to blend lived experience with historical analysis.

That being said, I do have a (minor?) concern with Chapter 12: "It Takes Two to Tradwife." Here, Davis writes:

'Yet I think these extreme voices are the minority. Many in the movement extolled the virtues of a simplified lifestyle, promoting it to push back against the shame they’d been taught to feel about their preference for it.'

While the book explores the stigmatization of unpaid labor both in previous and succeeding chapters, Davis' lens of the tradwife movement seems to be clouded by a lack of generational context. Most tradwives are not actual stay-at-home mothers, or even housewives who enjoy domesticity; the most visible figures in the tradwife movement are young, unmarried women who adapt misogynistic talking points to cater to a young, often male audience. They're the woman "behind" so many prominent, misogynistic Internet personalities: Pearl, the Transformed Wife, Estee Williams. It's rather telling that this chapter almost exclusively features online chat forums instead of actual data.

To Davis, who admits that her approach to these issues has been shaped by her Gen X status, the wholesome image succeeds; it might seem innocuous. To younger readers witnessing the hand-in-hand far right beliefs bundled with this image grow momentum in real-time, it's anything but.

This book's sensibilities are inherently feminist and left-leaning. She seems allergic go to being perceived as either of these things, though, which makes the conclusion read a little like "playing safe." Throughout the book, Davis criticizes the neoliberal feminist mantras she grew up with while espousing—to her, unacknowledged or perhaps unrecognizable—radical feminist thought. Which is fine. It didn't affect the quality of research and writing throughout the book, and her call for community and "interdependence" is one that echoes long after you finish reading. 3.5 stars.

[Crabbygirl · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book frustrated me! Although I love Selin Davis' sincere and empathetic substack writing, and I feel like I almost know her as 'a friend', this whinny garbage was beneath her. I don't want a feminism that is based on oppression points. The book is rife with "women have it worse than men, but black women have it even worse." Victimhood has become both a desire and an excuse, and I have no further tolerance of it. At some point being a 'victim' was used as permission to now 'dominate' within a relationship p.169 "(for) women ... to achieve not just equality but equity, "men must become more responsible for domestic things so that women can simply keep up with men on the professional front."

Data was used to prove points that could have propped up the opposite, if that was the goal. For example, the dictate that we should model different gender roles for fathers (and yet we did! in the tv shows My Three Sons and Full House) and there were magazines back in the 50's advising fathers to start participating in childcare but also, the entire sexist era was always women doing all the childcare? Women's concerns and mental health are both dismissed and ignored, but also it's evil that so many who suffered were given valium. Fathers who take time off to care for children are alternately praised or punished at work. Which is it? If you want stats to make your case, there's plenty to be cherry-picked. But the worst were the anecdotal stories in the book, one-sided tales of bitter divorce that should have been presented alongside a happy marriage (and yes, housewifery) that didn't involve a side hustle like instagram or momfluencer.

But I always find something of value, and here it is. The misery and loneliness of wives of the 50's and 60's can be ascribed to the way technology and progress made their world smaller and isolating. With the washer & dryer, there was no need to visit the laundromat and casually chat with the patrons. Same for larger fridges, and ice boxes - no more daily visits to the market. Swingsets in the backyard meant children could be appeased without going to the park. So what I've learned is that we must be vigilant to keep our public spaces, and to use them.

[Tina Rae · Rating 5 out of 5]

Y’all this book!!!! I had an *excellent* time reading this and learned so, so much. I could not put this one down!

My mother has been a homemaker/housewife for my entire life and I didn’t realize that was strange/wasn’t the norm until I was older. So I was particularly interested in this book for many reasons.

In the first half, this was an excellent look at both the history of the word housewife (and how it has changed over the years) and what it means to be a housewife. Then the second half covered how the role of women has changed and how it should continue to evolve. And y’all. I loved every second of this book!

I was particularly interested in the sections about lobotomies (horrifying) and the role of the First Lady. I found both of those sections absolutely fascinating and will be thinking of those bits often (particularly the lobotomies *gulp*).

Did you know an absolutely STAGGERING percentage of patients who received lobotomies were housewives (and also just women in general). Because I didn’t. And I was absolutely horrified to learn that. I cannot stop thinking about that chapter...

Anyway. Overall, I really enjoyed this and could not recommend it more! The writing is just lovely and this is such an inviting, readable history. Truly one of the best nonfiction books I’ve ever read!

Thank you so much to Legacy Lit & Grand Central Pub for allowing me to read this gem!

[enjoyingbooksagain · Rating 4 out of 5]

The word housewife can bring to mind so many different ideas to different people.
In this book the author Lisa Selin Davis takes us on a history lesson of the meaning and how people view The Housewive’s of the home and how we have evolved over the years.
In the 60’s a few TV shows depicted women with limitless powers and put them in the domestic sphere. They also bought about a radical shift in American living and lead to a generation of depressed housewives who turned to desperate measure to numb their pain which brings us to a chapter called Medicating The housewife that chapter is a eye opener what women use to go through because they were thought to be mental ill and unhappy.
But then in the 60’s Librium and Valium came on the scenes and bought about housewives that were led toward operations and pills that would allow them to perform womanhood and motherhood the way others thought they were supposed to be. I believe we have come a long way from the 60’s thoughts of what a women’s role is but there is always room to make things better.
This is an interesting book and an eye opener of what women have been through and how society has an impact of the way we think of our selfs. I think it’s important to view our history so we learn from that.

[Jamie Park · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this audiobook. I listened to it while doing all my errands and housework. It was validating and I found myself saying "I never thought of that." so many time. I never cared that the first lady wasn't paid and now I am educated on it all.
I was recently watching my TikToks in the gym and I ended up getting in the algorithm for women who were trad wives for 20 plus years and are now broke and destitute. I did the opposite. I have always worked and gone to school but here I am with a masters degree and an impressive resume and I am also broke and destitute. Because in Utah you are unlikely to get ahead if you have children/are a woman.
Plus I work a school job so I can be available for the family and pets. I also care for my same age disabled brother.
I work at a school near my home. Anyway, I told the former trad wives that this side of the road isn't any better and I feel guilty about it. But no matter what we do we end up having to deal with all housework and child care. I have it easier than some woman and harder than others but we all end up doing laundry all weekend.
I already recommended this to all of my friends.